Zeroing Out the Moleskine, vol. 216

moleskine_pocketYeah, I need to be working on the book, but don’t really like yesterday’s update, and felt the need to get it off the top of the page.  So, I’m gonna zero out the notebook again today.  Quickly, with a pot of Eight O’Clock coffee in my great, ruby-crested belly…

I was in Sam’s Club, over the weekend, ingesting a giant hotdog with mustard and sauerkraut.  Yum!  And seated beside me was an Asian family, with severe accents.  They were talking and laughing, and interrupting each other, like everybody does.  But I couldn’t understand 80% of it.  Not that I was eavesdropping, mind you.  I prefer to call it “observing.”  Anyway, they were jabbering away, until the teenage daughter said — clear as a bell — “Are we having tacos tonight?”  I nearly choked on my emasculation dog.

Please use the comments section below to pretend to be confused and perplexed as to why this surprised me.

In the Replacements documentary there’s a brief segment where fans of the band tell the filmmaker how many times they’ve supposedly seen them in concert.  Is it just me, or do you suspect the answers to those kinds of questions are ALWAYS exaggerated?  Without exception?

One woman said she’d seen the Replacements more than 300 times.  That’s almost certainly bullshit, in my opinion.  And I think the people who said they’d only seen them 5 times are also lying.  It’s all lies, and exaggeration, right?

I know a guy who says he saw the Ramones 50 times, and I think he’s full of crap.  I suspect he saw them 6 times, maybe less.  He lives in Ohio.  Am I being unfair?  What are your thoughts?

A few days ago I approved a comment on a Surf Report update I posted in October.  It’s pretty amazing, for various reasons, and you can see it at the bottom of the page, here.  Holy shitknuckles!  Apparently we touched a nerve.

Ever since I received a speeding ticket a couple of months ago, I’ve been using cruise control in my car.  The speed limit is 55 on I-81, and I set it for 67 or so and head on down the highway.  Inside my head I’ve decided the cops will leave me alone, if I never pass 70.  I don’t know what I’m basing that on, but it’s what I believe.  It took me a while to figure out how to use the feature, even though I’ve owned the car for about 7 years.  But it’s serving me well.  How sound is my theory?  Do you think 67 is a safe place to be?  I need your input on this.

And speaking of cars, I was talking with someone a few days ago who told me something interesting.  She said she bought a vehicle a year or so ago, and makes a payment every two weeks — instead of monthly.  And if she misses the due date, the car shuts down.  I guess it’s got some kind of apparatus in it, which allows the lender to just shut your shit down if you get behind on your payments.  I’d never heard of such a thing.  Have you?  I assume it’s for people with horrible credit, right?  What do you know about this?  It’s new to me, and mildly disturbing.  Does it cut out while you’re crusing down the interstate, singing along to Hall &… I mean Nirvana?  Yikes!  That could cause a few problems, couldn’t it?

I got into a “conversation” with some guy last night, about the fact that none of the steroids assholes were elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame this year.  I’m glad, and hope they never get in. Fuck those guys.  But my buddy kept saying, “It was the culture!  It was the culture!!”  Cheating?  Having an unfair advantage?  Screwing up all those legendary records?  We’re supposed to overlook all that, because several players were doing it?  I don’t think so.

He also trotted out the old classic, “Look at Babe Ruth!  He was a fall-down drunk.  And everybody hated Ted Williams.”  What does that have to do with anything? We’re bringing up personalities now?  Talk about muddying the waters.  I care about what they did on the field, and Sosa and Bonds and all those bastards cheated.  And if it’s not cheating, why do they all claim to have never done it?

You can justify it nine ways to sunset, but they helped destroy a lot of the history of that great game.  And that’s the part that bothers me.  I’d be happy if none of them of ever got into the Hall.  Most of them could’ve done it legitimately, but hey, you make choices in life…  I hope they remain on the outside looking in, in the same category as Junior Kennedy and Richie Zisk.

And finally, I stumbled upon this short video today, and actually laughed out loud.  I don’t do a lot of laughing out loud, but that one did the trick.  Funny stuff.  Also, this is cool.  And so is this.  Be sure to watch that last one all the way to the end.

I’ll see you guys again on Monday.

Have a great weekend!

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So, who is this guy?

Thanks for stopping by! My name is Jeff Kay, I was born while JFK was president, and it's all very embarrassing and corny. Today I'm a suburban husband and father, who is sometimes accused of being a bit tightly-wound. The West Virginia Surf Report! is my creative outlet, and insurance policy against completely losing my shit. I hope you'll stick around and participate in the lively community of geniuses and curmudgeons who hang out here every day. I love a full 87% of them! And while you're at it, please follow me at Twitter and Facebook.

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