Your Middle of the Week Topic Dump, vol. 4
Last night I was thinking about Nancy’s population scheme, which she used to preach to anyone who would listen. Until, of course, she violated her own rules… Then, amazingly enough, we never heard her proclamations anymore. It’s funny how that works, isn’t it?
She used to say that a couple shouldn’t have more than two kids, that they should only replace themselves on Earth, or, preferably, reduce the population by one or two. This was one of her favorite talking points for years. Until, of course, she had three kids with a man who already had two with another woman.
So, you see, the three of them ADDED two people to the global population. Three biological parents… five children. They’re a plus-2. The 1994 Nancy would take a dim view of the 2011 Nancy, there’s little doubt about it. Oh, that woman of high tolerance took a lot of dim views back then (and now – just different ones).
If you’re interested in telling us how you’ve affected the world’s population, please do so in the comments. I’m breaking even: two parents, two kids. What about you? Are you a plus-1, a minus-2, or what? You know, if you feel like answering… Obviously, it’s just for fun. I doubt many of us give a single dingle, one way or the other.
A few weeks ago I activated my 20 gig Amazon Cloud drive (free with the purchase of a full-length mp3 album), and began uploading music to it. I started with whatever’s currently saved on my laptop, and it said it would require 63 hours of upload time. I’ve gotten it down to 54 hours, and at this rate I should have my music on the cloud by summer of 2046.
But it‘s really cool, and will undoubtedly become even cooler over time. I’ll be able to use an app to listen to my entire music collection through my phone, and all of it will be stored for free, offsite. Music files don’t count toward the 20 gigs, only photos and data and non-music files eat up space. So, I uploaded for nine straight hours and still have my original 20 gigs available.
Do you use Amazon Cloud for anything? I read an article in Wired a few months ago that said cloud drives are where 99% of data will be stored in the near future. “Computers” will be little more than cheap retrieval devices, with no hard drives. If one stops working, you just replace it — like a kitchen radio.
Weird, huh? But I can see it happening. And at that point companies like Amazon and Google will find themselves in charge of most of the world’s information. It’s going to be great!
I know a guy named Gary, who was a coworker at my former job. I used to see him almost every time I visited a restaurant called Don Pablo’s. I’d say he was there 75% of the time. I never saw him anywhere else, only at Don Pablo’s.
It was really weird, and I jokingly asked him if he ate dinner there every night of his life. And he said, “I was going to ask you the same thing!” Apparently we were just on a very similar Don Pablo’s cycle. We went there about once a month, and he said he did, as well. It was strange.
About a year ago, maybe more, Don Pablo’s closed its doors, and I never saw Gary again. I guess if I need to contact him for some reason, I could go to the Don Pablo’s website and find their nearest restaurant. Right? Then I could drive there, find Gary, and have a conversation.
At least that would be one way of doing it.
A few days ago, at a Facebook page about my hometown of Dunbar, a woman brought up a robbery that happened at a grocery store there called Fas-Chek. She said it happened in January of 1985, and she was a cashier that night.
I was there too, working as a stocker. No way I’d be able to come up with a date, but I’m sure she’s correct. And it was one of the scariest things I’ve ever experienced.
It happened in the evening, after dark, and four or five guys came through the front door wearing ski masks, and carrying shotguns. They made the cashiers and the so-called manager lie face-down on the floor. Then they emptied the safe of something like $40,000.
There was a ton of money on-hand, because the store cashed payroll checks every Friday. The robbery happened late on a Thursday, making it seem like they knew what they were doing.
I was in the backroom, with a couple of other guys, and we didn’t really know what to do. One of the masked intruders was walking around the store, peeking in the meat-cutting room, the produce prep area, etc. Looking for people calling the cops, I guess. And he was making his way toward the backroom.
It was terrifying. We had no way of knowing what he’d do when he walked through the door and found us standing there. Shotguns and ski masks and lots of yelling can put a person on edge…
But he never made it to the backroom. I think the safe was emptied, and the other guys yelled for him to hurry it up. So, he went right past, without seeing us.
Once they were gone, a guy named Ron opened the receiving doors, and the thieves were running across the parking lot. They heard the door open, and one turned and shot his gun in our general direction. There were pellets embedded in the front of the store when it was all over.
It was insane, and those guys were never caught. I always suspected it was a former (or possibly current) employee, and some “friends.” They seemed to know a little too much, and arrived at the perfect time for maximum dollars.
And for a Question, I’d like to know if you’ve ever been in a situation where someone pointed a gun at you. Maybe during a robbery or an argument, or some other craziness? Please tell us about it in the comments. I also had it happen while working at a convenience store, but I’ve told that story many times… It’s your turn now.
I’ll see you guys next time!
Have a great day.
Now playing in the bunker
Crossroads Road for your Kindle: just $2.99!
Filed under: Daily
Uno?
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I was stocking a freezer at McDonalds and when I came up front there were cops everywhere and the woman working the cash register was crying–I asked what happened and they told me they were robbed. Huh! And I was just workin’ away not knowing what was going on!
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Reeder Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 11:16 am
I think I broke even–two husbands, two boys and a girl with the first, none with the second….
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We’re a -1.
A friend’s dad pointed a pistol in my face. He caught a bunch of us skipping school. We hid in her closet and he said he thought we were robbers. I was last one in and the first one out. and only on to have a gun in her face.
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-1, and ne’er a gun pointed in my general direction (that I know of)
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I’m somewhere around -4. Hard to know exactly, what with exes not being sufficiently cordial to check in regularly.
jtb
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Beloved and I are -2.
I was supposed to work the night our McDonalds was robbed at gunpoint but somehow, through the grace of God, I didn’t. The guy who had to open the safe had the gun against his cheek until he got it opened. (the safe, I mean – not a big gaping hole in his face). Poor bastard fainted as soon as the safe door swung open. Then they were all marched into the walk in freezer.
Another time at the same McDonalds, 2 detectives came in with pictures – one of which I identified as a customer I had waited on. He murdered someone in our neck of the wood. I don’t know whatever became of that case, just that my knees were kncoking like some spastic puppet while I had to talk to the cops. I was ony 17 years old for pete sake.
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Root 66 Reply:
July 27th, 2011 at 4:28 pm
Hey, even criminals gotta eat! Usually to go, though…
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madz1962 Reply:
July 27th, 2011 at 5:08 pm
We had a cop come in once to get a meal for a prisoner. For Chrissakes, I live in New York surrounded by some of the best delis and eateries in the world but some crack head was jonesing for a Big Mac.
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Never had a gun pointed at me (except maybe a Super-Soaker, does that count?) I’m thankful for that.
Mmmm…Don Pablo’s! Good stuff, but they aren’t around here anymore either.
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No kids here. Honestly, I never wanted any. Never got that motherly urge…. Have a few exes, but never felt secure enough in those relationships to bring a child into this crazy world. And I have never regretted my decision.
Never looked down the barrel of a gun. Although I felt like pointing one many times. Like last night in that traffic clusterjam.
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“Cloud Computing” is the flavor of the year. Once much of our data is in the cloud, it will start moving out to us once again. The cause of Privacy will be the Civil Rights of the 21st century.
jtb
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I’ve had a bullet whiz past me dangerously close.
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Alex Reply:
July 27th, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Oops. Nothing exciting like a robbery, just out on the farm, neighbour was shooting at something all morning. Didn’t think much of it, he was usually pretty good about paying attention to which direction he was shooting, except this time. I was outside and I hear the pop, and then I here a whizzzzzzz go by my left ear and ‘thunk’ in a nearby tree. Holy Fuck, the bastard is shooting in this direction. He got an earfull over that.
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madz1962 Reply:
July 27th, 2011 at 5:03 pm
I’m surrounded by state land and we get some pretty stupid fucks out there hunting. Last September somebody was out picking mushrooms and ended up with a face full of pellets and an ambulance ride. They never found out who shot him. My house is RED – Bar RED and I still pray some moron doesn’t think it’s a bulls eye.
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johnthebasket Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 5:37 am
This is in Manhattan?
jtb
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madz1962 Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 8:51 am
The suburbs. We get a lot of folks from the city that just plain don’t follow any hunter’s rules.
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Wife and I are even.
Never had a gun pointed at me. Have pointed one once and the guy nearly soiled his panties.
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We’re breaking even at 0.
I’ve had handguns in my face twice. By so-called “friends”. One was my German language partner at a community college back in suburban Philly. He said, “I got something to show you in my trunk!” and next thing I know there’s the business end of a handgun in my face. He thought it was the height of hilarity.
The second one was at a wild party in Roxborough one evening. I rang the bell, the door flung open, and yet again, there was a gun barrel waving around in my face. That’s how the host was greeting everyone who came to the party. Eventually the person got too drunk to stand, so the accidental gun battle I imagined would soon break out never materialized.
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bikerchick Reply:
July 27th, 2011 at 5:04 pm
That’s fucked up…on both parts.
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Not criminal gunmen, but I was sitting at work one day, all alone, minding my own business when a helicopter landed out in the “parking lot.” Three or four guys dressed in black and camo with their pants tucked in their boots rolled out of the chopper and came storming in the office with their guns drawn. I immediately stood up with my arms raised, so scared I couldn’t even speak. They wanted my boss–the landowner, because of the pot patch they had discovered on our land. I/we didn’t grow it–scared me shitless just the same.
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-2.
Me and the closet dweller. No kids.
Two down, 6.8 billion to go.
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Gretchen Reply:
July 27th, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Wait a minute. If you have no kids it’s 0, right? Or should I have written -2 for my husband and I. Or +2? Gawd damn this new Math!!
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Alex Reply:
July 27th, 2011 at 4:44 pm
I know I am responsible for at least a few billion never-got-a-chance-to materialize spawn.
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strangeart Reply:
July 27th, 2011 at 4:46 pm
Uhhh, I’m with you Gretchen….
Marriage one, -1 (one kid)
Marriage two, no kids
How does that work? Now carry the 3…..
I live in TEXAS. It’s only a matter of time before a gun is pointed at me.
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icecycle66 Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 10:51 am
If you don’t reproduce a replacement for yourself, then you are -1. When you die without reproducing, you provide a net gain of -1 to the population.
If you are married, like me, and neither one of you reproduce, then you are -2. When the two of you die the world has a net gain of -2.
If two people have one offspring then the world is -1.
If two people have two offspring then the world is at 0 (no loss, no gain)
If two people have three children, then when the two parents of those offsrping die the world has +1 people.
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Gretchen Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 12:02 pm
Thanks, icecycle55, for the clarification. Math was never my strong point.
So to amend my previous response to the question, my husband and I are at -2.
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dto Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 12:43 pm
Thanks too. I guess I’m a -1(at this time…ahem), wife is a zero and her son is a zero…mathematically speaking of course.
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Guns, eh? Three (!) times.
First was by our old, neighborhood bully – the same prick who when he was a kid would wrestle younger kids down to the ground, pin them, then stick the long stem of wild grass up their nostrils. Old Chuck never fought anyone his own size or age…
Years later, he and I got into some stupid argument one night in front of the First National grocery store in town. For the life of me, I can’t remember what it was all about, but beer was involved. He pulled a pistol out of his truck and started waving it around threatening to shoot me.
What I do remember clearly is calling his bluff — either due to latent suicidal tendencies, alcohol-fueled stupidity, or both. And I clearly remember inviting him to do the deed, with a brash, “Go ahead, Chuck. Shoot me, if you’ve got the balls. SHOOT ME!”
Needless to say, but I’ll say it anyhow, the bluff worked. Chuck just pointed the pistol at me and warned me, “You better watch out” or something equally lame.
Second time was by a freelance pharmaceutical salesman of questionable immigration status legitimacy. I questioned the weight of the product. He in turn questioned my insolence and distrust — with a shotgun.
Beer was involved. Again. Played the Chuck Bluff. Again. Worked. Again.
Third, and hopefully the last time was a classic wrong place, wrong time scenario. No beer this time. Without going into detail, while armed with a common yard rake, several squad cars screeched to a halt, all manner of blue uniforms flew out of said vehicles, and Lord only knows how many police firearms were pointed my way.
I want to say an officer yelled, “Put down the rake, Jeff. S-L-O-W-L-Y…”, but that would be lying.
And that’s all I have to report at this time.
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- 1/2 – we had a midget.
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Never had a gun in my face but if I do I only hope I have enough cool to say ‘I hear those make a terrible noise when they go off.’ Loved that Banacek.
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Knucklehead Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Banacek!
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chill Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 6:15 pm
Have you ever seen him and Hannibal Smith together? I think they might be the same guy.
.
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johnthebasket Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 10:35 pm
Banacek. That’s a Polish name, isn’t it?
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chill Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 10:43 pm
Polish, yes. Furniture polish, no.
.
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johnthebasket Reply:
July 29th, 2011 at 12:15 am
chill…
Just wanted to see if anyone remembered that line, intoned by the Bad Guy just before Banacek beat the shit out of him.
jtb
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johnthebasket Reply:
July 29th, 2011 at 4:27 am
It doesn’t matter whatsoever, but it turns out that, in the real world, Banacek is a Czech name rather than a Polish name.
Unrelated, but not less interesting, Mira Slovak, “The Flying Czech”, was an airline pilot for Czechoslovakian Airlines in 1953, when he decided he preferred democracy to communism. On a domestic flight, he overpowered his communist co-pilot and flew the plane to Frankfurt, West Germany and asked for asylum. He was granted citizenship, and went on to do an astounding number of jobs, including being a test pilot for Boeing and becoming one of the best hydroplane drivers in the 1960s.
Slovak is a Czech surname. I assume it translates to “balls” or something similar.
jtb
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Three kids so +1. Guns not very prevalent down under. Only really on farms etc.
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2 tours in sandfilled countries meant many guns pointed at me at different time, although the second tour more homemade explosive devices as opposed to actual guns. 0 kids, always wanted one but the good lord decided that wasn’t in the cards for me…
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I’ve had a pair of 38s put in my face in more than once.
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johnthebasket Reply:
July 27th, 2011 at 11:55 pm
I trust you replied appropriately:
Don’t point those things at me unless you intend to use them.
.
jtb
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Valentin Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 5:12 pm
Double Ds.
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+2 then got the big V.
A few close calls with idiots duck hunting where they didn’t belong. The sound of pellets cracking through branches right above our heads is a chilling sound.
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Westersteve Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 7:16 am
Forgot to add after various methods of song downloading (legal and other). I currently record pandora and Internet radio for my music.
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I’m using the Amazon cloud MP3 player, love it. I used the bulk uploader and it ran for a couple of days. I’ve got 15,000+ songs loaded and it appears to be handling them fine.
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Wait, do I need to count the deaths I’ve caused as well?
Or do I leave that to the people who actually did the life taking?
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Spouse and I are -1, and we are lucky to have the one we’ve got. I could put him through a private college for a year for what we paid to get him here. I’m sure when he’s 14 I’ll look back and think, “I could have gone on a great vacation and just found a dog.” but right now he’s worth every penny. I really honestly believe that educated, normal people owe it to society to have at least 2 kids, preferably more, because the weirdos and wastes-of-space will soon outnumber us, but I cannot live by my own rule.
Guns? When I was 13 I woke my parents up in the middle of the night. I had had a bad dream. I scared my mother, she started screaming, I started screaming, and dad pulled a gun. Not a great way to get comfort for a bad dream.
And where, oh where, is our secret Nancy update??
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bikerchick Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 8:36 am
It’s a little late to think the “wastes-of-space” will out number us…they have. At least in my neck of the woods. More kids = more $$. So they keep having them. Don’t get me started. My soap box needs new legs regarding the subject.
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m Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 5:52 pm
LOL, I’m right there with you on the box. I especially love the ones who encourage their kids to act foolish, because the crazy check is the best check except for the blind check, and it’s hard to fake blind. When I worked in the intensive care nursery, we would occasionally have situations in which parents would not come to visit their babies. The only way to force their presence was to threaten to have their check stopped by calling DHR. THAT would get them in, then they would sit by the crib and text, ignoring the baby. I didn’t last long in the intensive care nursery, I can’t bite my tongue for that long.
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Negative one here.
I was shot by “someone unknown” at the Air Force base I was stationed at.
The non badass version is that I was walking to the shower tent in the middle of the night (drunk) and I am pretty sure that a turkish guard took at one of the 10000000 stray cats living in the tent city. It hit something and ricochet into my arm that I threw up in a girl like fashion. Lucky it was a graze and only burned the piss out of me. Still have the scar though.
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m Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 5:52 pm
Holy crap.
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Biologically, I’m even. But…. I’ve put a bunch of lawyers’ kids through college and I kind of feel like they’re my own. I’d say I’m probably plus 6.
Seems like a waste to me for millions of people to upload millions of copies of relatively few songs. If only there was a way to stream a genre of music through the air to an extremely cheap device at NO cost. I’d call it a “radio”. And I’d put a metacarpal phalangea user interface so you could switch music genres. I’d call it a “button”.
What happens if there is a zombie apocalypse and the only thing that survives is 72 million copies of Biz Markie songs?
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johnthebasket Reply:
July 27th, 2011 at 9:10 pm
As long as there are a few copies from Jonathan Yudkin &
The Chainsmoking Altarboys, the universe will remain in balance.
You’re right: If only there were a way to send music through the air right to a small player we could carry. The problem is the corporate manipulation units (commercials) that fly also. Unfortunaltely, they don’t fly with me.
jtb
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No kids, but the ex-wife spawned with another guy a few years after we divorced. Does that make me still a -2?
My robber didn’t actually point the gun at me, just threatened me with it. I gave him the $8 I had. The whole time I was walking away, the center of my back kept itching for some reason.
.
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0 of mine. Wife has one son and he has one son. I guess that’s a wash as far as a procreation footprint goes. I too have not looked back or had a what if. The only aspect of that is that my family name stops with me. Dad’s brother, my Uncle, had no sons. So unless I get busy…maybe a youngish Russian mail order ho would be up for mating. Then again…there’s something about Italian chicks. And cowgirls. And geek chicks. And girl next door types. And…
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well shit.. my first ex and i had one but lost him at 4 mos.. no more kids after that and i made it official in 2006..
on a lighter note, vacation starts T minus 2 days.. then here i come beautiful Washington!!
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Minus one for me.
In the early 80s (the dark years) I had cops bust through our door and put a gun to my head. He said to stop flushing “stuff” down the toilet so I did.
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I am a +2. I have three kids and my husband has another from a previous marriage. How do exes factor in, I wonder? My husband’s ex will never find anyone crazy or desperate enough to procreate with her, so can’t we just call my husband’s daughter her replacement.
As for the gun question, I lived in an apartment building that had a lot of military personnel from the base in town. One night, my kids brought home a crap load of balloons from a party. We can’t have balloons because the cats eat them (no joke) so I took them outside at about ten at night to pop them so I could throw them away.
So I was outside on my little “porch,” which was downstairs from two other apartments. I was popping the balloons when all of a sudden an upstairs door flew open and a man comes diving out of the door holding a rifle. Literally. He cocked it and aimed it at me. Clearly he had PSTD, and I felt like a colossal dumbass for not imagining this possibility before I went outside to pop the balloons – you can’t make sounds that mimic gunfire in a place with a lot of military and not expect a reaction.
Anyway, he lay there, on his stomach pointing the gun at me from between stair risers and I just stood there, frozen. Eventually he slowly got up and went inside. It was creepy though. I really thought he was going to shoot me.
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I’m doing this child thing based on Hubs and mine’s whole sibling families.
Hubs and I have 3, so +1.
But both my brothers had 0 kids….making all of us -1.
Then factor in Hubs sibs….1(married) had 1 kid, making all of us -2.
Add in 2 more sibs with no kids(1 married, 1 not, so 3 adults) and we get a grand total of –5.
We had decreased the population by 5.
I really believe “M” has it right though….in another gen or 2, the lunatics will be running this asylum, if you don’t think they aren’t already!
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m Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 5:54 pm
After a day at work like today, I get pessimistic. We are already outnumbered.
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I don’t know why the world hasn’t figured out that it’s a bad idea to fuck with a Canadian. Of any age…
http://www.cnn.com/2011/SHOWBIZ/celebrity.news.gossip/07/27/trebek.burglary.injuries/index.html?
.
jtb
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
July 31st, 2011 at 2:42 pm
The only people worse are Aussies. They’ll kick your ass or pull a knife on you just to see the look on your face.
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Minus-2
Been streaming music from my home computer to my phone for years. I don’t have to store anything and I have everything at my fingertips. The only negative, best with a 3G connection or better.
Was robbed at gunpoint twice, gunbutted over the back of the head the first time. I think it was the same person. The first robbery he got $1400 so he thought it be an easy hit again. There were three times the number of people at work the second time and he only go $150. Guess we became a less attractive target.
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We’ve got 4 kiddos so hubby and I are +2. But they’re fabulous and smart so they take up some slack from the stupid, wacko progeny.
That last argument I ever had with my ex-husband whilst living under the same roof ended with him shooting a gun at the wall behind me. He’s a crack shot so I know he wasn’t trying to hurt me, just scare me. He succeeded.
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No kids here.
Closest I came to having a gun pointed at me was when I was in line at the bank, and a silent hold-up alarm had accidentally been triggered. I was at the counter filling out my deposit slip, when the old guy next to me said “Jesus Christ look at that!” I looked up to see two very intesnse-looking cops with weapons drawn flanking either side of the entry way in combat stance. Was a bit disconcerting, but also reassuring. I guess.
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I’m at 0 so far…unmarried white male with no kids. As for guns pointed at me…I’ve heard the crack of a slug hit above my head during deer season, seen down the barrel of a .38 that did not have my hand on the butt of it, and been held at gunpoint by cops who were, and I quote “working in my best interests” which is a bullshit way of saying “we don’t know who did what, but you have a gun and that’s not good.” I’ve also been on the right side of a gun twice, luckily I’ve never had to pull the trigger, but rest assured, if needed, it would easily happen.
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I know it’s not popular around here, but… I played college ball. I once went into the crowd after a game- this punk was throwin’ shit- and had a gun pulled on me when I cornered him. He was arrested, I wasn’t shot, and fuck him. Jealousy…
By he way, this was a QUAKER school- yay religion!
Had three cops pull on me- for no reason. I was harmless. One was in DC, so…. okay. I didn’t fit in.
Once chased a bastard into a 7-11, after he stabbed a friend, he was loverly, and had the cashier pull a .38 on me.
I perfected the moonwalk.
Those who can’t scrap, pull…
I once dueled with a Smurf.
I didn’t realize it until my balls caught some buck shot. Small buck shot.
I am tipsy, yet still feeding my ocelot. If I don’t write soon, please contact the Discovery Channel.
In a white room, with black curtains…
Shark Project full steam ahead.
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m Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 5:57 pm
Put down the absinthe and step away from the keyboard. And give the ocelot a kiss for me.
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doctorright Reply:
July 29th, 2011 at 10:48 am
Heh.
Excellent advice.
That was a long night, and, well…
anyway, the ocelot says hello.
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Two marriages, two kids each marriage and one just discovered. so four adults five kids. +1, right? Too early to do math.
Gun pointed in my face during a restaurant robbery at which I was manager on duty. Humiliated the gunholder by calling him a pussy and refused to open register. Told him I hit the “secret button” and the police would be there within one minute and he left. There was no secret button.
More recently, was in conveniece store owned by a Turkish couple. Two South of the Border Guests came in and did the “gun under the jacket” act. I told Mr. Turkey not to give these guys anything cause they didn’t have a gun. To prove this, I pushed Guest number one into a rack and his hand came out pointing his finger. They both ran off into the night. Mr. Turkey has a vcr but it didn’t work, so there was no footage of this all for the police. However, Mr. Turkey gave me a $100 gas card, which was cool.
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 9:54 am
One of these days I would like to shake your hand.
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Garrett - g1g3m Reply:
July 31st, 2011 at 6:15 pm
Somehow, I just knew you would have a comment post in this thread….
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I think we’re breaking even. 2 adults, 2 children. Then again, I suck at math, so figure it out yourselves.
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I’m at 0. Divorced with one daughter. Not counting my ex’s previous children since she is, well, an ex.
The ex is also my one time experience of having a gun pointed at me. Seems that calling her a slut during an arguement was enough to justify having a 38 loaded with hollow points aimed at me. I seem to recall telling her to “go ahead, put me out of my misery!”
As it turned out, all that was required to put me out of my misery was a divorce. It was a long, drawn-out hassle full of BS allegations – but still easier than hiding a body.
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We have four kids, so that would put us at +2 , right? Math’s not my strong suit…which is probably why I’m still broke!
Folks who claim that the world is overpopulated should put their money where their mouth is and either have themselves sterilized or throw themselves headlong into a woodchipper! THAT would take care of that pesky little problem, now wouldn’t it?
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll get off my soapbox so someone else can have a turn…
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I’m breaking even.
Only had one incident where a gun was pointed at me and I was in real danger. I was in the Army Reserves and we were getting ready to use the rifle range while a group of officer cadets in front of us were finishing up.
The OCs were firing Stirling SMGs and one guy had forgotten to do his test after assembly. They were supposed to be firing three round bursts but as soon as he pulled the trigger it started firing and wouldn’t stop. The guy panicked a bit and began to turn around. By the time the magazine was empty I was staring straight at the muzzle.
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I was maybe 20 or so, my cousin and I were in a Jeep, driving around a couple of ne’erdowells in the back seat. We had been to bars and such, so we were having fun. They asked us to drive them over to see a friend (I was driving) and I didn’t like the looks of the place. We drove down the road and the passanger said, “Slow down”. This guy walked up to our Jeep and the passanger said, “Gimme a twenty”. I guess he was talking about drugs or something of the sort.
The guy asked us to drive up the road and come back in a minute (presumably so he could go inside and get the “twenty”). When we got back over to the streetwalker he pushed a gun into my head and said, “Give me that $20, Give me that $20!” Then he kept insisting that I get out of the Jeep. I refused. I figured if I got out he’d shoot me. The idiots in the back seat reluctantly handed over a $20 bill, I handed it to the guy and drove off. We made it to a grocery store parking lot and I pulled him out of the seat, his girlfriend screaming. My cousin and I proceeded to kick the hillbilly shit out of him, probably until one more hit would kill him. Then we told his fat ass girlfriend to get lost and we drove off.
As far as the population, I have 3 kids at the moment. We may even add more, I don’t know. So I’m plus 1 at the moment.
As for “Gary”, Maybe go on Craigslist and leave a Male for Male ad on “missed connections”. Say something like, “Miss seeing you at Don Pablo’s. Getting lonely. Contact me.” Then report back to us how many homosex replies you get. Do it! Please!
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dto Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 3:10 pm
I get the feeling that you and your wife adding to the plus column will make up for some good ones we lose along the way. I also feel the quantity part of will continue to rocket out of hand but…hopefully some folks will keep up with the quality end of the deal.
Hey…I’m off to go pick up my new (to me) rifle. It’s a Winchester 94 model (meaning 1894 was the year this model was introduced), built in ’72 and frickin’ perfect. Yeah…I’m feeling lucky.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winchester_Model_1894
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Jason Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 3:30 pm
Congrats dto! I have one of those myself.
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I’m not sure what the count on me is. Between me and the husband we have 5 kids. But they came from 6 adults. But some of our children’s other parents have several kids.
But I suppose if you just count our kids and the adults who created them then we are at -1. Got fixed so I don’t have to worry about anymore youngins.
Never had a gun pointed at me. “Friend” of mine that also happened to be a coke head brought a gun over to my apartment once to show it off. Never have been soo scared in my life. All the guys were passing it around playing with it and I had to leave the room. I just kept imagining scenarios where someone would get shot. I cannot stand to be around guns at all.
Girl I know who loves hunting tried to get me to go to the gun safety classes with her. She said it would help me get over my fear but I was too chicken shit.
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no kids.
my brother had my quota.
No similar stories, but there’s a fucked up story in Oklahoma about 3 people who were murdered in an LJS back in like 1978 and they never solved it. Wayne Coyne was working at LJS at the time which is how I know about it (Some random OKC talk show one morning).
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I’m at par. Single with one daughter.
Can’t recall ever having a gun pointed at me, I like it that way.
For my fellow (but few) auto enthusiasts on here, I am off to Brockville Ontario Speedway for a couple nights of camping and a World of Outlaws show. My Dad and I are the only ones going tonight (Never say no to an extra night of drinking rye with your old man!) and the rest of our crew of 16 arrives tomorrow. Should be a blast!
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Tyrosine Reply:
July 29th, 2011 at 4:39 pm
I like Brockville. It’s the last clean piss-stop when I travel to Ottawa or Montreal.
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I’m hovering at plus 1.5 as a replacement mom in a domestic partner sitch and also my retired dad with us. I suck at math so I could be completely off on that.
I had a gun held directly at my head by an overly anxious employee of Sheriff Joe Arpaio outside the famed Tent City in Phoenix, AZ. Why? Because when dropping off a work release prisoner/loser friend, my dumb ass apparently drove too close to the fence off the street at 11p at night and the whole place lit up like a torch. Within 2 seconds, those officers were engaged and just itching to put a hurt on someone. The officer pointing his piece into my window at my cranium was screaming and spitting and swearing at me. My presence of mind kept me from getting an extra hole in the head. It sucked. They do not have a sense of humor nor are they forgiving when it comes to the directionally challenged. It sucked. I do not recommend it, ever. Oh yeah, while that was happening with me, the friend was getting his ass handed to him by a dozen guards who dragged him away in shackles. That was 15 years ago and it still makes my stomach lurch.
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-2 here. Not kid friendly. If I never saw anyone under the age of 21 again for the rest of my life I wouldn’t shed a tear.
Happy Thursday, Surfers!
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+2. Four kids, three of them girls. I have to ask myself who I pissed off . Having three girls has pushed me to the bring of sanity on more than one occasion.
I love my son and while he is no angel, he doesn’t bitch. I like that about him.
I was threatened with a knife once after picking up a woman with two small children. It was raining and the kids were little so I took pity on her. She just needed food and was feeling desperate, otherwise I don’t think she would have threatened anyone. I took her and bought her some food. She just needed help so it ended well.
I had a gun pointed at me once too but I’d rather not go into it. Let’s just say it happened prior to my 18th birthday and there was alcohol involved. It was a horrible experience and one I hope to never experience again.
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Tammie Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 5:56 pm
How I ended up with “bring” instead of *brink* I have no idea. Thought I’d better correct it before someone pulled a gun on me for misspelling.
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We’re breakeven with the boy and girl.
The only time I’ve knowingly been in cross hairs was when I took a wrong turn and ended up approaching the gate at the naval base in San Diego. I thought it would have been better to keep driving towards the gate rather than stop…hesitate …try to bang a U-EE. As I was talking to the guard I glanced around and found myself staring down a machine gun behind a sandbag wall. It was a tad unnerving.
I do find myself lit up with targeting lasers every so often…that’s also a tad unnerving…
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Speaking of when the ignorant overbreed, anyone ever see “Idiocracy” by Mike Judge?
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Love that movie!
0 here. Two of me, two of them. Or however that goes.
Had a gun pointed at me by two people: The owner of a gun shop in the middle of East Toolierushers, under the guise of showing the old man a rifle, turned and pointed it at my face! Oh funny! Ha ha! I pushed the barrel away and told him ‘ALL guns are loaded, idiot.’ No sale!
Second gun pointed at me was held by -and I shit thee not, y’all-a girl with a six inch tall mohawk wearing a black bustier and a pink tutu. She was some random friend of a friend who wanted to show us what she’d just bought. Next thing I know I have the barrel of a .45 touching the end of my nose and she’s striking an Emma Peel pose while announcing ‘well check THIS out!’ and yes, I was in a real good position to check it out. Which I did. This is what I get for hanging around bikers. Note on latter: if you ever happen to be in the Seattle area and are in the mood to get a tattoo, avoid a 300lb behemoth named Natalie…she isn’t very bright, or stable, and she’s ARMED.
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madz1962 Reply:
July 29th, 2011 at 11:07 am
I was just thinking about getting a tattoo of a gal with a 6 inch mohawk wearing a black bustier and a pink tutu, but it just seemed too ordinary. Maybe I’ll go with something more exotic – like a rose! YEAH!
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FirstNations Reply:
July 29th, 2011 at 1:24 pm
How about a cherry with wings? *snork*
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bikerchick Reply:
July 29th, 2011 at 2:05 pm
Yeah…stay away from bikers. They ain’t no good.
madz: I have a sticker on my helmet that reads: “I may not have a cherry but stil have the box it came in” . Perhaps you could get that tattooed on the side of your neck (!?!)
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FirstNations Reply:
July 29th, 2011 at 3:50 pm
Bikerchick: I AM a biker! Thats part of the reason why I have random friends of friends with mohawks and tutus who also happen to be unstable pistol-packing 300lb tattoo artists. The other part may have something to do with my astrological sign, or the French, or nuclear testing. Or my being a freak magnet.
I tried to talk my ex-husband into getting the cherry with wings tattoo. He was game, although completely puzzled. Kept asking me what it meant.
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t-storm Reply:
July 29th, 2011 at 2:24 pm
I’m in love with a tattooed chick named Natalie. Not really, but she is awesome.
I’m not pro or anti gun but you never get a 3 yr old shooting himself with a crossbow.
I’ve had cops point guns at me even though I called them.
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dto Reply:
July 29th, 2011 at 2:40 pm
I’m in love with a tatooed chick named Lydia…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4zRe_wvJw8
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t-storm Reply:
July 29th, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Lydia?
http://youtu.be/TJaYG_U7qpY
I want to be the second verse of let’s get it on…
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More fun with Casey Anthony – NSFW:
http://cwahart.com/images/bj.jpg
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I’m breaking even
Never had a gun pointed at me but I did get hit by a ricocheting shotgun pellet when hunting in some heavy brush with my father. Probably doesn’t count eh?
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2 guys with backpacks and what appeared to be geiger counters just came hiking out of the woods and were cutting across my lawn. TF? Thank God my husband was out there- I see him talking to these two “explorers.”
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bikerchick Reply:
July 29th, 2011 at 2:08 pm
What balls people have. Sound like the you’re thoroughfare of the NY suburbs. Start charging admission. Make a buck on these jerkoff’s.
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bikerchick Reply:
July 29th, 2011 at 2:58 pm
Shit! Dyslexic I sure am today
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dto Reply:
July 29th, 2011 at 2:52 pm
“Be vewy vewy quiet. We’re hunting geigers”
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madz1962 Reply:
July 29th, 2011 at 3:01 pm
Turns out they were 2 hikers who got seriously lost. And it wasn’t a geiger counter – they had walking sticks and a compass. I guess they couldn’t read the compass. Beloved said they were really nice guys who didn’t want a lift back to their car – (a good 10 miles away) but just a point in the right direction. All righty then!
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Gretchen Reply:
July 29th, 2011 at 3:09 pm
Dammit, I was hoping they were a couple of Ghostbusters!
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madz1962 Reply:
July 29th, 2011 at 3:59 pm
Now THAT would have been cool! This area is ripe with paranormal activity. I find it fascinating.
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Do the eye gouge.
I just bought the cramps, drive by truckers, and Bruce hornsby on vinyl. And a cd which I’m forgetting.
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http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/43945396/ns/today-entertainment/
You know, for someone who professes to never eat meat, Morrissey sure puts his foot in his mouth a lot.
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t-storm Reply:
July 29th, 2011 at 4:07 pm
Wow. Next will be wal mart is worse than a young jewish boy marrying the Holocaust’s sister
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Box scores…
Limes 12/$1.00…Peaches $.48lb.
Chicken Thighs $.89lb…Rib Eyes $5.68lb.
Double punch points on your shoppers card with four completed underarm farts.
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chill Reply:
July 30th, 2011 at 12:41 am
Those sound like 1993 prices. Then again, although prices are higher nowadays, so is the armpit fart credit. So maybe it’s about a wash.
.
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I am +1 (3 girls with the one wife).
No crazy gun play or armed robberies in my history but I did get stopped by police (spot light from a police helicopter and a few marked cars) while jogging one night in Phoenix AZ. Apparently someone knocked off a 7-11 and since I was running I was a suspect. I had no ID with me so I had to stand in front of the cop car while the shaken clerk decided my fate. I was told I could go home.
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anybody here use Skype?
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Never a gun, but I did have a knife pulled on me. Scary stuff!
I had picked up a woman in a bar, took her home, and we went up to her bedroom. All of a sudden, a guy jumps out of her closet brandishing a knife. He said he was her husbband, she said it was her ex-husband. Hey, he was the one with a knife, so who was I to argue?
Anyway, she runs past me out of the room, and returns with a big ol’ chef’s knife. She started swinging it like she was one of the cast of West Side Story.
Hubby and her were going at it like the Sharks and the Jets, when all of a sudden, he thrusted, while she had her empty palm outstretched. The tip of his knife went through her hand, and all of a sudden she went down gasping for air.
Hubby, who minutes earlier was going to kill me, asked me to grab her purse and get her asthma medication. He administered aid, and I got the heck out of there!
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Was her name Natalie?
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We’re all fucked when the world runs out of enough puke to sustain life. I hear there’s people in South America hoarding puke, but you can’t do that because it’ll go rancid.
That’s right boys, the puke troughs are running low and people are going to get desperate. Some say they’ll go to eateries and cut people’s stomachs open and suck up the life giving puke right there at the table. But that can only take you so far.
This is a scary time to be alive.
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dto Reply:
July 31st, 2011 at 5:50 pm
Hey…Marla Cadavers should pick up on this trend and avoid going tits up Puke Pot Pie and Cow’s Cud Casserole might be the thing. . Then again…a good plate of “Tits UP” might serve their interests even better.
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T. Farty McAppleass Reply:
July 31st, 2011 at 8:08 pm
My first taste of the puke lifestyle came when I was about 8 years old. My grandpappy stopped by and I was at home alone with my hot ass 19 year old babysitter. He said, “come on kids, let’s strip to our drawers and go to the pond and swim.” The whole walk over he kept giggling and saying, “Go ahead now, you two, and old man can’t keep up.” Then he ran up from behind us and hit her on the back with a large tree limb. She started vomiting right away and I could see that my grandpappy had a hardon. So did I.
He got down on all fours and started gobbling up puke and he said, “Come on sunny, have your fill before she comes to!” So I also started eating the puke. I never felt so alive!
We were were done we wiped the puke from our chin and walked back to the house. He said, “Don’t tell your mother about this.” And I didn’t. I have no idea what became of Beverly, my babysitter. We left her laying by the pond and I never saw her again.
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