He said his teacher asked the class to write a poem about spring, something about the change of season, etc. And after a few minutes of silence, a fat girl raised her hand and said, “Can you help me think of a word that rhymes with Pringles?”
I swear it’s true, and I laughed for a good long time.
And last night, at the eighth grade “graduation,” I saw Pringles for the first time in several years. And yep, she’s apparently still snorkeling down a can or two per day. In fact, seeing our kid on the same stage as her made me a little nervous. I was afraid there might be a catastrophic collapse. But everything worked out OK.
The graduation was fairly painless, except for the heat. It was incredibly hot inside that school, and it got hotter as the night progressed.
And the speeches… Apparently they allowed kids to get up and say a few words if they wanted, and you can probably imagine the types who volunteered for such a thing. It was excruciating.
But after all the nerds and attention whores were finished with their scintillating comments, cookies and brownies and cold bottles of water were served. And that almost made up for it. The water, especially, was appreciated. I probably should’ve popped a few salt tablets before I walked into that freakin’ sweat lodge. Holy crap.
It’s going to be rough returning to work tonight, for just one more shift. Once it’s over, it’s supposed to be over. But I’m going to have to go back, and I’m not sure my central nervous system will be able to withstand such a thing.
A few days ago I was given a fancy laminated certificate there, in recognition for a full year of perfect attendance. I almost busted out laughing, but was able to maintain.
And you wanna know how many employees received one of those certificates, out of the 150 or so who work the same shift? That’s right, four. Pass the beer nuts.
Over the last couple of years I’ve learned that I’m a member of a very small minority. It’s highly unorthodox, but I actually show up at work when I’m supposed to be there. Have you ever heard of such a thing? Strange, I know.
And that, and a buck twenty five will get you a cold Mountain Dew. Oh, and a really nice certificate.
I’ve begun watching Breaking Bad through Netflix, and really like it. A lot of people have suggested it to me, but I was skeptical. I’ve started and quit several TV series recently, because they just didn’t do it for me.
I won’t tell you what shows they were, because you guys would howl in protest. It’s stuff I should love, but just can’t get into. And I don’t currently have the energy to defend my position.
But Breaking Bad is a good one. It’s got a lot of black humor that I enjoy, and the premise and characters are great. So, thanks to everyone who suggested it!
I’m also digging the new Gaslight Anthem album. Their last one was also a favorite, and I recommend both without hesitation. They’re called a punk band, but I don’t really get that descriptor. It’s just straight ahead rock, with a healthy dose of Springsteen mixed-in. Good stuff.
And I hate to do this, but I’m going to weasel out on the Thursday update. Today is June 16, and I have to turn in my book manuscript sometime in June. So, I’m going to take Thursday and Friday to tinker with it some more. I apologize, but we’re very near the end of this thing.
I’ll try to post something over the weekend, though. Probably Sunday. And I’ll undoubtedly bug you guys to buy t-shirts before the Friday deadline. Look for an email along those lines… Heh.
I’m gonna leave you now with the Question of the Day, and then prepare for my one remaining, dangling workday.
This one’s a classic, but I’m not sure we’ve ever covered it here. In the comments section below, tell us, off the top of your head, who you’d like to have a few beers with — anyone, living or dead.
I could likely come up with a thousand people, but “off the top of your head” is the key.
Here’s my top o’ the head list: Jean Shepherd, Phil Hendrie, Johnny Carson, Jackie Gleason, Jack Benny, Michael O’Donoghue, Doug Kenney (co-founder of National Lampoon, co-writer of Animal House), Charles Portis, Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, Johnny Bench, Sparky Anderson, Bob Dylan, Buddy Holly, John Lennon, my grandfather on my mother’s side.
As you can see, I lean heavily toward entertainment and sports. If I thought about it a little longer, I’d undoubtedly start adding more “serious” people like Thomas Edison and Ben Franklin, and great writers and philosophers of the past. Or maybe not…
But now it’s your turn. Give us your all-history couple of beers list — the people who jump immediately to mind.
And I’ll see you guys next time.
Have fan-flipping-tastic day.