Your Mid-Week Topic Dump, vol. 128
A few nights ago Clive Bull was talking about the driver’s test, the one you take when you’re sixteen or whatever, and asking people to call in with stories on the subject.
I can’t really recall anything unusual happening with me. I know I passed the written part with no problem, but had to take the actual driving test twice. The first time I was a little “shaky,” they said.
And I recall my parents taking me out in their cars, teaching me how to drive (or in my mother’s case, hollering “Oh, my god!” and repeatedly grabbing the dashboard). I remember almost hitting a parked car on Virginia Avenue in Dunbar, and desperately whipping the wheel to the left at the last possible second. Heh.
But I don’t recall too many big-time dramatics during the run-up to my driver’s test. It just seems like I was riding a bike one day, and tooling around town in a Nova the next. There wasn’t any sitcom-like transition, or anything. At least I can’t remember one.
What about you? Do you remember the actual test, or tests? Did anything unusual happen? Who taught you how to drive? Any problems? Like fires, or decapitations, or the like? Tell us about it, won’t you?
Why do fast food restaurants put the general manager’s name on the door? Are we supposed to be impressed by this?
Am I supposed to say, “Honey, look! It’s a Carl Culver Wendy’s! Oh my god, I’ve been following Culver for years! Even back when he was paying his dues inside the Hardee’s operation, during the late ‘80s, everyone knew he was going to be a star. I saw him speak once, at Burger and Chicken Con, and I’m telling you… there was electricity in the air. I can’t believe we’re about to sit down and have a meal in… I’m sorry I’m getting emotional… a Carl Culver Wendy’s!”
Or am I way off on it?
Over the past weekend Toney and I took Andy (Snoop Manny Mann) for a walk, and when we were almost home we passed one of Toney’s many, many acquaintances. She was out walking her hound, as well, and we stopped to chitchat.
And I didn’t stick around very long, because this is how it started:
Toney: I haven’t seen you around much lately?
Her: Oh, I had a COMPLETE HYSTERECTOMY, and it’s FANTASTIC! Highly recommended. I mean, it’s all gone — everything!
Me: Um, I think I’m going to take Andy home, so he can get a drink of water…
Her (ignoring me): Woo-hoo! No more periods for me!!
Good god! I barely know the woman… but I know her a little better now. Shit.
A few days ago I was reading about the Farrelly brothers at IMDB dotcom, and happened upon this highly confusing page. Apparently they’re going to attempt to recreate the 3 Stooges? This isn’t a biographical film, or anything like that, right? This is a new trio of Stooges, doing what the Stooges do.
And check out who’s playing Larry: Sean Penn!? Wha’? My brain can’t even process this information. Sean Penn?
Sure, he was funny as Jeff Spicoli, but that was thirty years ago. Since then, the man has had a stick jammed so far up his ass, he’s like a human corndog of insufferability.
You’ll notice that nobody’s yet been chosen to play Curly, and I’m hoping we can help the brothers cast this part. Taking into consideration the improbable choice of “Mr. Fun” to play Larry, who do you think should play Curly? Who is the most unlikely actor, or celebrity, to play that part?
I’m going with Tom Waits. What do you have on this one? Use the comments link to list your nominations, as well as your “learning to drive” tales.
And before I call it a day here, I want to introduce you to a new Surf Report sponsor, and hope you’ll welcome them by visiting their site, and checking out their products. The website is called Flying Puppets, and it’s all about “very light radio-controlled model building.” I spent some time there this morning, and I think some of you guys are really going to dig it.
Their ad is appearing in the sidebar, and I wish them much luck. Again, it’s FlyingPuppets. Check it out. It’s very cool!
And I’ll be back on Saturday or Sunday, probably Sunday.
Have a good one, my friends!
Filed under: Daily
I have never seen the reply’s say ‘No Comments’
WTF?
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Toney’s friend was totally letting you know she was into you and safe. Totally.
Curly- Christopher Walken.
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Janeane Garofalo as Curly
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Chris Farley? No, wait.
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My dad started me driving when I was 13!! We would go out into the country and I would drive those terrible curvy country roads in rural WV. We would also go to a huge shopping center parking lot for more practice. I was ready when my 16th birthday came around. There was a parallel parking requirement to the test. It was done on a side street not far from my house. My dad figured out the required geometry for a perfect parallel parking job. The day before the test, we went to the parking spot the state police used, and painted a huge red circle on the curb, which I “aimed for” during the backing up part. It worked perfectly, and I passed the first time I took the test. I don’t think the state police ever figured out what that red spot was for. Of course, knowing how to drive when you’re 13 did present a problem. There was a day when my mom was out of town for a conference, dad was at work, and I got home from school early, to an empty house, a car, and a set of car keys. It was just too tempting. I had to show off for one of my classmates, and of course, we took the car out for a little ride. That was the day my dad decided to take off work a couple hours early. When he got home, the car was gone. He was sitting on the front porch, waiting for me when I pulled in. I caught lots of hell over that one! Never did it again!
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Curly-Woody Allen
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Wow top 10 and I read the post, no to driving funnies, all went well. No curly suggestions either. Sorry.
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What, no chrome buttock molds?
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Curley – James Gandolfini. ‘
Or Bruce Dern
I jumped the curb parallel parking I think on test #2. Test #1 the instructor barked at me “WHAT ARE YOU DOING” when I came up to a light and had to make aleft. I think I yanked the wheel to the left and apparantly that’s a big no no.
P.S. McDonalds REALLY does have a “Hamburger University”
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hmmm. Top 10. Obviously not working very hard today.
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Changed my mind, Rodney Carrington would make a good Curly and moe should be Adam Sandler.
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I have been teaching my 11 year old to drive, He already rides motorcycles (got his first at age 3), 4-wheelers and can drive a boat, and jet ski. He has incredible hand eye co-ordination. My daughter has trouble walking in a straight line.
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Curly – Jimmy Kimmel
Moe – Jim Carrey
Larry – David Herman
Schemp – Ron Pearlman
That’s my lineup and I’m sticking with it! MmmmK!
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I would guess the manager’s name is on the door to give patrons the sense that somone is responsible for the place and it’s not run by the pimply faced freaks you see working the counter and deep fryer.
Pauly Shore for Curly. He should be ready for a come back. Oh wait, Curly doesn’t have hair does he? My 3 stooges lore is a little rusty.
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My Grandpa Joe allowed me to drive his 1967 Red Chevy pick-up (3 speed on the column) on the road beginning about age 12. He was getting old, losing his eyesight, and likely losing his mind as well. My parents used to scold him for letting me drive, but he always insisted I was a better driver than him, and not to worry.
Fast forward to age 16, my mom takes me to the State Police Barracks for the road test. A trooper named Jack Ice gets in the passenger seat, takes one look at me, and asks me if this is my first driver’s test, to which I reply yes.
He said he has seen me driving for years and I should be punished for driving without a license. I told him he must have me confused with someone else, so he asks me if I am Joe XXX’s grandson, and is that your mother standing over there? Busted.
I passed the test first time without any problems. Trooper Ice was very excited to write my first speeding ticket about one week later, the bastard was actually giggling.
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Curly, may I suggest Anthony Hopkins.
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I heard before that Jim Carrey was going to gain weight and plan Curley…maybe this is no longer the case though. I think the movie is going to be 3 half hour “episodes” or something…
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I think Crispin Glover for Curly….
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Took my driving test in the largest vehicle we had at the time– a 1987 chevy suburban, on a dare. The examiner came out and about crapper himself when he saw it. We did the parallel parking first and I aced that. Got to the road portion and had a squirrel run out in front of us. I hit it. He couldn’t decide if he should fail me or not for it. Ended up passing with an 85. He said if id have swerved he’d have failed me. Luckily we grew up being told if it’s smaller than a Labrador, hit it.
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I like Jeff’s idea for a musician-type fella for the Curly role: I’ll go with either Gene Simmons or Bono
Two extremely un-funny men
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Actually they were looking to cast Jim Carrey as Curly…true story.
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I passed my written and driver tests the first go-round, nothing spectacular. My brother did as well, but after getting home after passing his test, he was allowed to drive me and a buddy to our newspaper stops up in town. While pulling into a parking place at the buddy’s house, he mis-judged the pull in angle and peeled the side out of our nearly-new ’75 Monte Carlo and also tore the front bumper off of my friend’s dad’s Galaxy 500. Good times !
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Actually, do you guys remember the made for TV movie they did on the 3 stooges (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0214698/) back in 2000. I thought the cast was pretty dead on if you ask me. The actors weren’t really well known, but I think they did a good job in that movie. I just remember I was like a freshman in highschool watching that, and the part where Curly has a stroke…Moe visits him in the hospital to tell him they replaced him and Curly breaks down and cries? OMG, I BAWLED MY EYES OUT.
If you haven’t seen this movie, I would suggest renting it, it was good.
And I do remember my drivers test…I got some jag off (the one all the kids were talking about and were afraid of), and he failed me for pulling up too far to stop signs. I was pulling up further because I couldn’t see around them! What’s the point of the goddamned stop sign if you can’t see around the corner because it’s blocked by trees and whatever? Asshole!
Then I got my license and I drove to Target with my friends in my mom’s van and got my driving priviledges taken away for a month.
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I’m going with Kevin James as Curly.
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I was never into the Stooge thing. I couldn’t play Pin the Name to the Stooge…I haven’t a clue.
My father tried to teach me how to drive while on vacation in Avalon, NJ when I was 16. Wotta mistake that was. First of all, I was trying to drive my mother’s Lincoln. I don’t remember what year that thing was but it was a fucking boat. All it needed was a toilet and you could live in the mofo. I had absolutely no judgement of distance in front, beside or behind me. So I hit and ran over ever curb; veared from the left lane to the right; couldn’t park worth a shit. I can still remember my day screaming at me “STAY IN YOUR LANE….JESUS CHRIST!!!” He also kept grabbing the wheel and steering for me from the passenger seat. I would always end up in tears. We ended up not talking for a few days after that.
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Brittney, yes, I remember that movie. I thought it would be a “gag” type of thing, but it was actually very well done.
Moe really took care of everyone -made wise investments for Larry and Curley.
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Uneventful driving test here. The standard trickery to get you to do something wrong, but, as long as you knew you had to verbalize what and why you where doing something you’d be alright. In Brittneys case, if she said she pulls ahead to see past the obstruction, she’d be fine. Over here, a favorite was to try to make you do an illegal left turn. If you blew by it, and said nothing you got docked. If you told the test you can’t turn left here becuase the sign says ‘no left turn’ you got a pass. Probably one of those subtle, see if they are paying attention to everything and not blindly relying on the passenger to do the driving.
Sean Penn as a stooge? Nope. Some italian guy as moe? Nope. How do you replace three Jewish goof balls with an Italian, some Hollywood schlep and who knows for curly. It’ll be the next Ishtar.
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I was always pretty good at driving (despite whatever yesterday’s story might imply to some of you; it was a right turn onto a deserted road, dammit, I’m quite sure most people would’ve only paused!). I passed the driving test with flying colors, despite having the “jag off” (to quote Brittney) everyone was afraid of test me. My problem was with the written portion of the driver’s test. I don’t remember numbers well at all. So I got wrong all those questions about how far you park away from a fire hydrant and such. It took me about three tries to get through that.
When I moved out of state ten years ago the retards at the Ohio BMV made me take the written test all over again to get an Ohio license. I just about cried. And I had the indignity of taking the test while lodged amongst a bunch of pimply teenagers, mere months out of their buzzcut hicklet years. Despite the angst and pubescent distractions I passed. When I moved back to PA they were nice enough to accept an out-of-state license as proof I could drive.
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Brittney & Madz1962, I agree, that movie was pretty good. and shinywilli, I agree with you, too, about Kevin James. He can be hyper and can do the pratfalls.
I’m very agreeable today, so far.
My Dad taught me to drive on the coal mine haul roads in Ohio County, KY. after the day shift was over so we could avoid the massive uke trucks (the wheels are 20? ft dia). He was patient and calm. Don’t remember much about my driver’s test.
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todays comment brought to you by missing letters and poor sentence structure.
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For Curly- Tracy Morgan or Bristol Palin
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It’s obvious the guys in hollywood have run out of ideas. Write a screenplay Jeff!!!! Not a remake of the Banana Splits or anything, an original.
Are the Stooges going to smoke weed and get in to adventures like Pineapple Express? That might be cool. “Don’t bogart that joint Curly or I’ll kick you in the Taco” and then he does. Laughter ensues.
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I learned how to drive on a red Farmall tractor that my grandparents had on their farm. I think my uncle got bored one day and thought, “Gee, it might be entertaining to watch Tammie try to drive a tractor.”
Of course because I am not your average run of the mill Tammie so I drove it and without giving myself whiplash.
The first vehicle I drove was the potato truck and it was during harvest. I drove, very slowly and stopped at each barrel, switching gears on the steering wheel shaft and stepping on the gas to help the grapple hook pick up the barrel. The truck was old and the clutch squealed every time I stepped on it.
The first car I drove was a 1969 Comet. I LOVED that car and wish I still had it.
Everything I owned was a standard until I moved to West Virginia. We bought an automatic after my car died.
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I’ll concur on the K. James for Curly.
Sean Penn can lick my balls. I think that sensitive prick actually wished cancer and aids on republicans or some such. Way to show compassion dickbag.
Passed my test first time in a ’88 (?) Beretta. when I was 13 me and my best friend used to steal the car at night and tool around town impressing the 6th graders (I was in 8th). We got sort of busted on Father’s day that year. We had the car out into the street when a neighbor yelled out the window (3 kids in black pushing a car to the street) and then called the house. My lie was that we were going to surprise dad and wash it for fathers day. I was the king of excuses. Asked why we needed to move it to the street – we needed the streetlight. Damn I’m good.
Still got grounded, but not too bad.
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Curly=Rosie O’Donnell, just ’cause I’d really enjoy watching her getting slapped around.
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CAdude….perfect. You just made me laugh, out loud, in my quiet office.
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I assume Clive Bull was talking about the British driving test, which is a little more stringent than the American one. I’ve taken both and, well, I’ll be polite and call the American test a joke. It’s hardly surprising American roads are so unsafe compared with most other developed nations.
I failed my British driving test the first time. To this day I am adamant I did not do what the examiner failed me for. I hope my examiner died of dick cancer he caught off his boyfriend. While ferrets chewed off his feet. In a salt bath.
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I took my drivers test in a 61 ford fairlane during a blizzard. I think about 6 inches of snow fell while I was taking the test. I passed thanks to driving trucks and tractors on Gran Daddy’s farm.
For Curly I have a two part answer:
Voice – Avery Johnson
The rest- Rush Limbaugh (love to see him get slapped and eye poked)
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@ johnthebasket: Way late reply to your reply to Jeff’s previous post, (about run-ins with assholes)…
You asked me if there were any openings.
Do you mean in the comic book industry?
Or on me?
Yes.
And, yes.
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Dirty.
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but dirty in an interesting sort of way
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Maybe they should make a redneck Stooges movie, with Larry the Cable Guy as Curly. (That’s such a bad idea, they’ll probably really do it.)
In the spirit of the original question though, I nominate the late Sir John Gielgud as Curley.
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Nothing spectacular or memorable on the driving test; I passed on the first try. The only significance was numerological: I learned to drive on a ’73 Chevy, and my dad (who taught me) learned to drive on a ’37 Chevy. Yay.
As for Curly, how about John Goodman. No, he’s too talented to work with those tools.
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Jeff, I’m thinking you would make an excellent Curley. Just grow out the 80′s fro and brother you’re a star!
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Hey Bill in WV. To quote your dad on that situation, “What the HELL were you thinking?!?!”. I love Willard.
Oh yeah I learned to drive by my dad taking me to a empty parking lot. And driving a “course” at speed set up by him. I learned how to handle a car in a 1967 Corvette Stingray. I was told I had to scare myself before I could go out in it by myself. I needed a depends by the time that lesson was over.
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Hollywood, Schmollywood. They are definitely running out of original ideas. I read where they are remaking Goonies and True Grit!! Why don’t they just redo Casablanca while they’re at it? My nipples are imploding in horror. I’d cast my vote for Dom DeLuise for Curley, if he was still alive. Otherwise, I’ll go along with Christopher Walken.
When I took my driver’s test in Pinevillle, WV in 1973 driving an orange Chevrolet Vega, I asked the trooper if he wanted me to turn right. He said, “Not unless you want to go down a one way street.” Haha. I passed. I had on a short skirt. That kinda shit used to work.
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I vote Verne Troyer for Curley
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Two words…… Gilbert Gottfried
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Written Test- Pass
Road Test- Pass
Pull out of parking lot at DMV after passing above tests- I t-boned a car because I did not stop. Totaled my dads Chevy.
my parents didn’t let me drive for 4 months after!
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Shit, they already almost have Tom Waits – Benicio Del Toro is Moe.
How about Harry Dean Stanton? Stooges spend their lives getting INTO intense situations!
Joey Jo Jo
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Written test: Pass
Driving: Failed first time, passed on the second attempt.
Got my license in September, 3 days before the start of school. Had my license revoked for reckless driving 3 days later, on the the first day of school. 75 mph in a 30 mph zone. Gee, who would have thought the cops would possibly have been running a speed trap half a mile away from the High School on opening day?
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Passed written and driving on first try. Did so good on the driving that the instructor told me I was done and to pull in as soon as I started to parallel park. Didn’t even have to finish.
Parents bought a standard transmission vehicle when I was 17 and my dad’s lessons consisted of throwing me the keys and telling me to “go learn how to drive it”. Necessity is the mother of teaching you how to take off from a stop on a hill.
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very similar to me learning to drive a standard. dad tried at first but i believe stick is something you can’t be taught.
i got my license then went out to tackle the van. after one night of trying to back out with the e-brake on i nailed it. i still prefer stick. i own two toyota echos, one stick, one not.
my favorite thing about driving a manual is when jiffy lube checks off that my auto transmission fluid is good.
oh, and the drinking in okc was good tonight.
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@Stephanie –
Your own openings are strictly your business. I love you only for the Betty and Veronica in you.
Yes, the comic book industry. I have 35 years in corporate board rooms, several of them as a CIO — talk about comix. I’ve dropped out of some of the best colleges in the northwest. I’ve written about 250 poems a year since I stopped drinking (sometime in the mid-’90s). My target is one a day. One poem, not one drink. So, despite my work here, I can write short, declarative sentences.
I grew up on mostly DC. Superman and Batman to be sure, but I loved Green Lantern and The Flash. I was also quite fond of the Martian Manhunter. I subscribed to Justice League of America for years.
Of course I also read Archie; and bought every Rocky and Bullwinkle comic I could find.
When I try to draw a horse, it ends up looking like a five-legged buffalo. They used to have those ads in the back of comics showing a sketch of an old fisherman; the copy read, “We’re looking for people who can draw.” So I tried to draw the old fisherman, but it ended up looking a little like a five-legged buffalo. (Mad magazine, in about 1965 parodied the ad by showing the old fisherman, and running the copy I quoted above followed by an asterisk. At the bottom of the page it read, “* …money out of the bank to send us.”) So my graphic skills are shit.
But I can come up with storylines all day long, and even write a little dialog.
I’m sure glad I stumbled across this here resume site. There might be a future here for Jeff; sort of a WVSR Under the Ladders adjunct.
So Stephanie, here’s my problem… After four years away from Corporate America getting a rebuilt back (the new ones are really expensive and the rebuilts come with a hundred thousand step limited warranty) I’m having a hard time thinking about going back. From here, outside the firefight, it all looks like bullshit, and meaning has become pretty important to me. Maybe the comics business is calling my name. Maybe it’s just a ringing in my ears from all the opiates I took for a few years. Maybe it’s the wind blowing through my crewcut.
Send me a telegram if something opens up. Just don’t ask me to draw a damn fisherman.
with all best wishes,
jtb
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Re: the Stooges movie. My God, they already have two of the best actors in the business signed in Sean Penn and Benicio Del Toro. I think Cashoe’s suggestion of Janeane Garofalo as Curly is inspired.
I don’t quite understand the hostility about Mr. Penn. He’s just a fine actor who doesn’t like bullshit and doesn’t suffer fools gladly. Making up fake quotes from him doesn’t vilify him as much as it makes this site a little less smart.
He saved a number of lives during and after Katrina, not by just writing a check, but by flying down to NOLA, buyng a boat, and getting people out of the water, which is considerably more than the Bush administration was doing at the time.
I think he’s an American treasure, but to each his own. And I love Benicio, also an actor’s actor and a fine gentleman.
I have no idea what the Farrellys have in mind but if they plan to make the next Ishtar, I guess they’ve earned the right.
As for the hostility, let’s remember to use our indoor voices. There’s an echo in here and I can’t hear anybody when they holla.
best wishes…
jtb
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JTB
you should try to listen to ‘Radcliffe and Macconie’ on Radio 2
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio2/shows/the-radcliffe-and-maconie-show/
I think you’d like it. (you too Jeff, and anyone else out there who’s into music).
Last night they were on about James Williamson, who left Iggy Pop and the Stooges, went on to become Vice President of Technology Standards for Sony, took early retirement, and then re-joined the Stooges!! Mental.
I’m with Hardoxdan for Anthony Hopkins. A much underrated, and often misscast, comic genius!
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John Turturro……Moe
Stanley Tucci……Larry
Oliver Platt………..Curly
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Ian -
Thenk ye (uncoly)! I’ll check it oot. Guid cheerio the nou!
jtb
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THE GOONIES??? JFC!!! Is it gonna be the not dead Cory’s comeback? They gonna get Cindi Lauper to do a remake of the themesong? They gonna get the Pinkett-Smith children as the new cast?
Come on Hollywood. You’re better than that. (aren’t you?)
I’m moving out there and kicking someone in the taco and/or huevos.
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I second the call for Crispin Glover as Curley!
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My dad taught me to drive first the lawn tractor then big IH tractor mainly so he could have an indentured servant do more work, hell I was driving a dual axle dump at 13. but test time proved tricky, had dickheads the first two failed attempts, third was a charm. Back to my old man, I remember towing a bulldozer to a job and unloading for him, I think I might have been 15.
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because of when my birthday was I was able to start drivers training when I was 14. if you scored high enough in Indiana at the time you didn’t have to take a driving test for your license so after driving for a year on my permit I just walked in, took the written and eye test and walked out with my freedom! luckily I had gotten a break from the trooper that pulled me over for doing 50 in a 35 in my sisters Pinto as he let me go with a verbal warning.
jtb: Sean Penn is an assbag. glad he helps people but he really should just keep his mouth shut. and enough with the Bush bashing, NOLA people are the not the only ones to have gone through a natural disaster, the difference they just wanted to set around on their asses and let somebody help them where other people get to work and do for themselves.
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How about a 3 Stooges remake where Curly takes his driving test with Moe and Larry along for the ride? Now that is comedy gold folks.
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Curly can only be played by one of the greatest actors of all time. That is, of course, Burt Reynolds.
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Most unlikely to play Curly, eh?
How about that bundle of laughs Alan Greenspan?
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jtb,
you are kidding about Penn…I hope. The guy’s a dictator loving asshat.
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Curly taking a driving test, played by Burt Reynolds…I think we are on to something…
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Sean Penn is a walking dildo.
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Thanks fryguy, C.i.B. and T Farty.
Can’t remember not driving something…grew up on a farm. When it came time for the test the Trooper said “Your from Fombell bet you can drive a tractor huh?” I said yea and the test was over.
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Larry King as Curly. And I volunteer to babysit his wife while Larry is busy filming. Her and I share the same name, wonder which base I can get to with her playing that card.
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@ jtb – I cannot express to you how proud I am of your diligence in “One poem, not one drink”…MOST excellent!
I, too, grew up on DC Comics plus good old Archie Comics as well…Marvel came a bit later for me. I did not subscribe to any specific titles…I simply went to the corner store and picked up whatever was new, or that I collected on a regular basis. My brother was also an avid comic book collector, so whatever I didn’t have, he did. It was awesome!
For no reason at all, I am sorry to hear that you cannot draw a horse.
And, they also used to have those ads on the back cover of comics selling X-ray vision goggles for 49 cents, and…601! Army Men! Yours For Only $1.99!!! (Yes, with all of those exclamation points)!!!
Good times.
Loved Mad Magazine (and sometimes “Crack’d, too). Mad magazine is actually part of the DC insignia, and their offices are just a floor below DC’s! A very cool place with a full-size “bronze” statue greeting you (of Alfred E. Neumann, in an army helmet, with bird sitting on top) as soon as you exit the elevator.
Storylines are most important as well as believable dialogues. So there, you definitely have a niche.
Jeff’sHotJobs.com…indeed! (Jason, Tammie, et. al…Please, do not add the word “blow” between Hot and Jobs in the above sentence. Thank you…)
I can understand your desire of not wanting to go back to Corporate America/Behind The Desk crap. In my field, however, you do still have many deadlines and editors breathing down your neck. (Note to add: I have NEVER had this problem with Archie Comics…just with other companies). Working at home has it’s perks and advantages, but there are a few downsides.
Of which I cannot think of any at the moment.
Years ago, it was a bit easier getting your foot in the door in this industry. Back then, it was thought to be made up only of all nerdy guys who watched Star Trek, spoke Klingon to other Trekkies on a regualr basis and who dressed up in costumes and still lived with their Mommies.
Today, the comic book industry is regarded as “cool”, (thanks to the movie industry, perhaps?). And now, dressing up in costumes can earn you big bucks in the costume contests at the bigger cons.
Go figure.
I will tell you that your best bet is to actually attend a few comic book conventions, meet and get to know some of the insiders. Ask for their card. Be persistent! Send them some samples of your work. The worst that can happen is they will decline. But, if you really have what it takes, the professionals WILL see it instantly, and then… who knows? You may become the next Neil Gaiman!
(Look him up, folks!)
And, I will not ask you to draw any fisherman. I promise.
*hugs*
Stephanie
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Stephanie/JTB… not sure what got me looking but a week or two ago I stumbled upon this ad for a submarine that I remember as clear as a bell from the back of a comic about 40 years ago… I wanted one. Hell, I still want one.
http://www.cracked.com/article_16310_12-comic-book-ads-that-taught-us-be-cynical.html
My Stoogi
Samuel L Jackson as Moe but he has to play it like Pulp Fiction’s Julian.
The best actor to ever live – William Shatner as Curly but he must play it as Denny Crane.
Joe Pesci as Larry – but as the character from Casino (or GoodFellas).
The killer from “no country for old men” (Xaviar something..) as Shemp.
Directed by Tarintino
Co Directed by Michael Bay
Music by Ramstein
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I FAILED my first driving test for going too slowly. Given my current driving habits that’s most ironic.
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I missed the “most unlikley” to play Curly part of the excersise.
Morgan Freeman
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most unlikely? Curly himself.
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I was going for most “interesting”,,,,
most unlikely? Justin Beeburr (like I give a crap how he spells it)
or Lindsay Lohan
or Carlos the masturbating baby from The Hangover
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my shaved sack? But that would suck when moe hit it with a hammer.
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I see your Morgan Freeman and raise you a Sean Connery
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t-storm,,, it would probably stop hurting around the 20th or 30th time
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Good point, I’ll knock that out in rehearsal and role research.
Who wan’ts to be my shaved sack’s acting coach?
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Stephanie….how about “hand”? Can I say “hand”? Huh? Can I?
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I like you, Tammie.
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Are we sure Flying Puppets aren’t supposed to be a “Further Evidence” piece?
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The stick shift is the one to have. I did have one automatic car once, for a few months or a year. This is out of 11 cars and 3 motorcycles over a period of 35 years.
T-storm, *my* favorite thing about driving a stick is playing Boy Racer. My least favorite thing (speaking of authority figures) is when the security guard at the Reagan Building parking garage says “put it in park”.
I’d second the motion for John Turturro, but…
hot fuzz – You should be casting director. Ramstein. Wow.
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@ Stephanie -
Thanks for taking the time to write a thoughtful reply about my future comic career. I’m working on an idea now: A comic book about an old fisherman who has a five-legged horse. The fisherman always speaks from off-panel.
Seriously, thanks for being a classy dame.
my best wishes…
jtb
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@ jtb – You are too sweet!
@ Tammie – Damn! I forgot to say…OR “hand”. But, of course you can…You are too funny!
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The words “head”, “suck”, and “rim” weren’t mentioned either. (retard laugh).
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I think I found the bride of Mr. Funnelpants,
http://jawdrops.com/2010/05/let-me-see-that-thong/#comments
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According to Urban Dictionary I think we now have the complete collector’s set of “jobs”. Well done.
I thought there were more “jobs” in 40 Yr Old Virgin but no. I did find this though and it made me smile.
Mooj: Life is about people. It’s about connections.
Andy Stitzer: It’s all about connections.
Mooj: It’s not about cocks, and ass, and tits.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Mooj: And butthole pleasures.
Andy Stitzer: It’s not about butthole pleasures at all.
Mooj: It’s not about these rusty trombones, and these dirty sanchez.
Andy Stitzer: Please stop.
Mooj: And these cincinatti bowties, and these pussy juice cocktail, and these shit stained balls.
Andy Stitzer: Mooj, just please stop.
I’m going to have 2lbs of wings for lunch. It’s an hour and a half away and I’m already obsessing about it. I wonder if I can order a life on line – I must get one.
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WB – it could just be me but I can’t get that website to work (even if I put in just to the .dot com part)… will I want it to work or will it affect my wing lust if it does?
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Yeah Jason….I purposely avoided those three words because you’ve all seen pictures of my freakishly long tongue and I didn’t want anyone associating it with any of those words…
My hands, on the other hand, remain unseen so there shouldn’t be too many impure images associating the two.
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Sean Penn and Benicio Del Toro?! I don’t get that. Is it going to be the Sopranos version of Three Stooges? I guess they might be good actors, but comedy acting’s a tough mistress.
Kevin James might be a possibility if I could forget who it was. I want to see Curly, not Kevin James imitating Curly. Does that make sense? It’s like Steve Martin massacring Inspector Clouseau in Pink Panther ramakes. It was Steve Martin imitating Peter Sellers and I thought it just blew. Couldn’t watch more than 10 minutes.
I failed my first driving test. The cop told me I parallel parked TOO CLOSE to the curb. I parked it 2″ from curb and he said it must 4-6″. No shit.
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hottfuzz-It didn’t work right after I posted it but I think because the PoW people posted it to their twitter account there was a mad rush. I worked just a momemnt ago, but you have to scroll up to see her. And yes you may want to wait till after lunch if I’m picking up what you’re putting down.
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Wow, I messed that up. “It” worked a “moment”…
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WB – no joy… but (or should I say butt) I think I did see her at the game last week
http://verydemotivational.com/2010/05/20/demotivational-posters-chairs/#comments
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Whoops, looks like Father Time finally told Bono he’s too old to be a rock star:
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/37275404/ns/today-entertainment/
Gee, I hope he’s all right. He can be insufferable at times but U2 helped get me through the 80s. On a related note (and with advance apologies to JTB), Sean Penn’s probably old enough to throw his back out playing Curly.
Kevin James is probably a good choice for Curly, but I’m surprised nobody went with Frank Caliendo. Not that I’m a fan, but that’s who came to mind first.
Most unlikely? Grace Jones
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What about Chaz Bono as Curly?
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Om Nom nom nom nom..Chicken wings were awesome!!! ..and it’s not like those little fuckers were using the wings for flying anyways!
Time for a food coma.
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Scratch that, I meant “throw his back out fighting with Curly”.
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Tammie,
Good thinking. I’ve always imagined that your ring finger is freakishly long, longer than all your other fingers. But I may be way off.
Damn, I’m going to get some chicken wings and spicy shrimp for lunch. And beers.
I had a dream last night that I was having sex with a strange woman. Everything was going great until I looked at her face. It was………….Burt Reynolds. The moral of the story is that you never look at the face when you’re having dream sex. Just finish up and walk away.
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WB – I’m sorry to say the website works now… you know it’s possible Mrs Funnel Pants was wearing “normal” this morning and they turned in to what we see there through normal fabric memory or simply elastic responsive constriction. Wait a minute…. she looks familiar….Mom??
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Jeff’s out until Sunday????
Looks like the inmates are going to be guarding the hen house. Or somesuch.
Where’s Buck with a new topic when we need him?
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It’s so true what they say. You can’t use a pig ear to break a camel’s back. You can’t kill two bush-birds with a straw. Let us all learn from this wisdom.
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Gretchen, your humor ruffles my skirt, but vaudeville is hard. I don’t remember claiming that Sean Penn was immortal. I just claimed he’s a fine actor. Not that I think this movie is worth this much discourse, but, for the record, Sean Penn is 49. Moe Howard retired at 67. Bono fucked up his back at 50. Mine collapsed like a dynamited building at 57. (To be clear, I’m not up for the part, and Moe’s dead.)
It was actually Penn Jillette who I was suggesting for the part. The Penn part threw me off. (Penn is 55). It’s possible his well-known Libertarian views will be more palatable here, and he’s no slouch as an actor to which his well-rememberd stint on Sabrina the Teenage Witch will attest. He is one of the last men in America who can’t be bought with money, so he’d probably take the job if he admired the Farrellys and raise his Jelly Apple Red little fingernail if he didn’t.
Yeah, I’m just sayin’.
jtb
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ad Penn…
Penn Jillette is one of fewer than a thousand men who has spent an evening naked with Debby Harry in a hot tub.
“A little touch of Harry in the night.
And so our scene must to the battle fly”
jtb via ws
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Any NE-OH wvsr folk want to go to the Indians game Sunday? I have a spare ticket, and would prefer to sit next to a like minded individual for the game. You can e-mail me at jeffindenver2 at yahoo dot com if you want to go.
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Jeff in Denver!
Me! Me! Me!
I’m flying into Cleveland tomorrow morning for the Saturday game and leaving Monday.
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Done deal. E-mail me and I’ll reply with my number.
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hmmm, I don’t have your email. But mine is j.a.boersma@gmail.com
No peaking stalkers.
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You have to pay to listen to Clive Bull? Guess I won’t.
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My neighbors (whom we call Pedi and Moana) constantly have LOUD sex with the windows open.
Personally I’m happy for them but it’s traumatizing my 13 year old secret. The other day, the dog moaned in her sleep and my son put his fingers in his ears and started yelling, “LA LA LA…I’M NOT LISTENING” over and over.
I want to go over there and tell them we can hear them but I’m not sure that would be well received….
Pedi and Moana are SUPER-Christians. They don’t wear capes but I suspect they would if there were “Jesus Loves Me” capes available.
Pedi is our age. He wears shirts, caps and probably even underwear that all proclaim his love for Jesus or vise-versa. He never speaks unless we corner him, which Mr.Man does whenever he’s had a few gin and tonics..and he always has a cap on (proclaiming that Jesus loves him) pulled down to cover his eyes.
Moana is A LOT younger….like maybe in her early 20′s. She’s kind of a big girl with a head like a catfish. We don’t see her much but when we do, she has her hair pulled into two tight pigtails that sit right above her ears.
She smiles and giggles a lot but doesn’t say much. She seems pretty quiet…well…unless she’s moaning. THAT is LOUD.
As far as neighbors go, they leave us alone….we torment them occasionally and so far there haven’t been any arrests, so it’s working out ok.
Except for the loud sex noises.
I’m not a prude but you know…
1. It’s upsetting my son…traumatizing him really and damnit, that’s OUR job, not theirs.
2. The visual that pops into our heads is disturbing and sometimes we are trying to eat dinner when it happens. Yuck
3. We already have to put up with the blaring Gospel music or WWW Wrestling, her constant giggling or his laughing (which sounds like a hyena receiving a rectal exam). How much more must we suffer?
I’m not saying that we are the greatest neighbors in the world but 75% of the time we keep our debauchery and general heathendom quiet. Vodka has been known to turn the volume up on it, but that doesn’t happen very often.
Does anyone have any creative suggestions as to how I can get them to stop having sex with the windows open?
I can’t think of a better group of people to ask for advice.
Thank you. I will be patiently awaiting your nuggets of wisdom…
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Hi Tammie,
A direct approach is the only way I’m afraid. Try standing outside the window, whistling and clapping your hands, while your other half shouts “go on my son, give it to her up the bum”
Funnily enough I don’t very often get asked for advice.
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Two words: air horn
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Stand outside the window and yell…..NEXT!!!
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Spray the water hose through the window and say Jesus made you do it.
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1.Tape recorder. Hey neighbor, have a listen.
2. Pack of small dogs – they’ll join right in.
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Just call them out and say we heard ya fuckin. Or go all Forrest gump on them
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2….. they’ll join right in WITH THE HOWLING
i figured a clarification with this group was necessary.
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Ocean County, NJ road test, 1974. Driving test conducted on public roads (unlike modern day Maryland, where my kid was tested on a safe little test course where you never go more than 10 mph).
At the first stop sign after leaving the parking lot:
I don’t exactly stop.
Driving test guy calmly reaches down and pulls.up on the parking break (which was between us in a 1972 Corolla wagon). Full transcript:
“That was a stop sign. You didn’t stop. Your test is over. I’ll drive back”
Two weeks later, I stopped.
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I vote to put a tape recorder on their window sill, record the moans and howling and mail the tape to them anonymously with some bible verses that deal with sexual promiscuity. I am far from a Bible thumper, but I have a good memory.
Examples:
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification:
that you should abstain from sexual immorality”
1 Thessalonians 4:3
“Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.”
1 Corinthians 7:1
This may freak them out and the show will be over if they are real Jesus Loves Me people.
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Record as much of it as you can, video and/or audio, and upload it to You Tube. Maybe it’ll go viral.
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i would love to hear that! post the audio HERE and let us all listen.
thank you jesus.
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