A few nights ago Clive Bull was talking about the driver’s test, the one you take when you’re sixteen or whatever, and asking people to call in with stories on the subject.
I can’t really recall anything unusual happening with me. I know I passed the written part with no problem, but had to take the actual driving test twice. The first time I was a little “shaky,” they said.
And I recall my parents taking me out in their cars, teaching me how to drive (or in my mother’s case, hollering “Oh, my god!” and repeatedly grabbing the dashboard). I remember almost hitting a parked car on Virginia Avenue in Dunbar, and desperately whipping the wheel to the left at the last possible second. Heh.
But I don’t recall too many big-time dramatics during the run-up to my driver’s test. It just seems like I was riding a bike one day, and tooling around town in a Nova the next. There wasn’t any sitcom-like transition, or anything. At least I can’t remember one.
What about you? Do you remember the actual test, or tests? Did anything unusual happen? Who taught you how to drive? Any problems? Like fires, or decapitations, or the like? Tell us about it, won’t you?
Why do fast food restaurants put the general manager’s name on the door? Are we supposed to be impressed by this?
Am I supposed to say, “Honey, look! It’s a Carl Culver Wendy’s! Oh my god, I’ve been following Culver for years! Even back when he was paying his dues inside the Hardee’s operation, during the late ‘80s, everyone knew he was going to be a star. I saw him speak once, at Burger and Chicken Con, and I’m telling you… there was electricity in the air. I can’t believe we’re about to sit down and have a meal in… I’m sorry I’m getting emotional… a Carl Culver Wendy’s!”
Or am I way off on it?
Over the past weekend Toney and I took Andy (Snoop Manny Mann) for a walk, and when we were almost home we passed one of Toney’s many, many acquaintances. She was out walking her hound, as well, and we stopped to chitchat.
And I didn’t stick around very long, because this is how it started:
Toney: I haven’t seen you around much lately?
Her: Oh, I had a COMPLETE HYSTERECTOMY, and it’s FANTASTIC! Highly recommended. I mean, it’s all gone — everything!
Me: Um, I think I’m going to take Andy home, so he can get a drink of water…
Her (ignoring me): Woo-hoo! No more periods for me!!
Good god! I barely know the woman… but I know her a little better now. Shit.
A few days ago I was reading about the Farrelly brothers at IMDB dotcom, and happened upon this highly confusing page. Apparently they’re going to attempt to recreate the 3 Stooges? This isn’t a biographical film, or anything like that, right? This is a new trio of Stooges, doing what the Stooges do.
And check out who’s playing Larry: Sean Penn!? Wha’? My brain can’t even process this information. Sean Penn?
Sure, he was funny as Jeff Spicoli, but that was thirty years ago. Since then, the man has had a stick jammed so far up his ass, he’s like a human corndog of insufferability.
You’ll notice that nobody’s yet been chosen to play Curly, and I’m hoping we can help the brothers cast this part. Taking into consideration the improbable choice of “Mr. Fun” to play Larry, who do you think should play Curly? Who is the most unlikely actor, or celebrity, to play that part?
I’m going with Tom Waits. What do you have on this one? Use the comments link to list your nominations, as well as your “learning to drive” tales.
And before I call it a day here, I want to introduce you to a new Surf Report sponsor, and hope you’ll welcome them by visiting their site, and checking out their products. The website is called Flying Puppets, and it’s all about “very light radio-controlled model building.” I spent some time there this morning, and I think some of you guys are really going to dig it.
Their ad is appearing in the sidebar, and I wish them much luck. Again, it’s FlyingPuppets. Check it out. It’s very cool!
And I’ll be back on Saturday or Sunday, probably Sunday.
Have a good one, my friends!