Your End of Week Topic Dump, vol. 714

BabeRuthLast weekend we were pulling into the Sam’s Club parking lot, when Toney’s cell phone started ringing.  “Probably Sunshine,” she sighed, and grabbed it from her purse.  But it wasn’t Sunny, it was… me.

That’s right, her phone said I was calling from my phone.  But I was sitting right beside her, probably going on and on about something nobody cared about, and singing along to Hall & Oates’ Greatest Hits like a retard with a toothache.

WTS?!  Where was my phone, anyway?  It’s usually on the console while I drive, but it wasn’t there.  Immediately I thought I’d lost it somewhere, and some good Samaritan was trying to track me down by calling numbers in my directory.

Toney answered, but nobody was on the other end of the line.  Then I remembered I’d put the phone inside my back pocket, while walking around Target.  And when I did a pat-down of my ass, that’s where I found it.

We thought that was a riot, my butt cheeks giving Toney a call.  But when we parked I looked at recent numbers dialed, and learned that my ass had also called Bill in WV, my brother near Pittsburgh, and a guy named Joe at my old job in California.

And the weird part?  The one to Joe had lasted for over four minutes!  Apparently he and my ass have a lot in common?  Of course I knew this on a subconscious level, but didn’t completely put it together until last Saturday.

The younger Secret and I were in my car (again) this morning, and I’d left a Fleetwood Mac CD in the player by mistake.  And, as always, he howled in protest:  “Aaaaahhh! ‘70s crap-music!!”  For a person born in late 1998, he sure has picked-up a lot of strong opinions…  Sheesh.

I told him he needed to give the band another chance, and tried to provide a little history and background.  And here’s what he said:

“So, let me get this straight?  Stevie is a girl, and Lindsey is a boy?  I rest my case.”

Yes, the younger Secret will be taking over the Surf Report someday.  The site is secure for another sixty or seventy years, I believe.  Because he’s me, reincarnated, before I’ve even had a chance to die.

And speaking of TheWVSR, here are three things I’ve learned since starting it:

1.  How to correctly spell diarrhea, without cheating.
2.  It’s “far be it from me,” and not “far be it for me.”
3.  It never pays to bring up politics, religion, or chili.

And since I mentioned cell phones…  I hate mine.  I did an inordinate amount of advance research, but still picked out a turd.  It’s the first generation LG enV, and I really don’t like the thing.

I called Verizon to see if I have any upgrade options, and it looks like I’m stuck with this dog until March 2010.  Unless, of course, I want to buy a new phone at full retail cost.

Have you ever been in this kind of situation, where you’re locked into a contract, but hate your phone?  What did you do?  Buy one off eBay?  What?  Help me out, won’t you?

My mother had knee-replacement surgery this afternoon.  She’s been limping around for almost a year, and wouldn’t go to the doctor.  But my Dad finally insisted, and they said her factory-installed knee was shot.

I know that kind of surgery is extremely common now, with very little risk, but I was on pins and needles all day.  I don’t like my parents being put to sleep, and somebody carving holes in them.  Ya know?

But she’s reportedly doing fine.  I don’t envy her next few days, but I’m sure she’ll come through it OK.  She’s far more courageous than I am.

There’s a guy at my job who looks EXACTLY like Babe Ruth.  I’m not kidding.  When I catch a glimpse of him out of the corner of my eye, I instantly think, “Holy shit, it’s the Bambino!”

Do you have any “celebrities” at your place of employment?  How about around your town?  Have you ever run into “Jackie Gleason” at Wendy’s, or “Dwight D. Eisenhower” in the cereal aisle at the grocery store?  Tell us about it, won’t you?

And finally, a follow-up to yesterday’s story about the girl with blue skin…

If you’ll remember, a woman I know has a sixteen year old daughter whose skin started turning blue, for reasons unknown.  They took her to at least two doctors, and everyone was stumped.

The final doctor, a big-time specialist, thought she might have contracted an ultra-rare disease which makes a person literally change colors.

But the mother finally solved the mystery.

It seems the girl had been using some kind of spray-on tanning solution (tan in a can), and sleeping on new (blue) sheets.  The color bled into her skin, and literally changed the tone of it.  It wasn’t just on the surface, the shit was blue all the way down!

So, there ya go.  That’s what happened to the teenage girl with the blue skin.

And I’m calling it a week here.  I just found out Michael Jackson died on the same day Farrah Fawcett bought it, and I’m completely distraught…  What’s next, Scott Baio??  These things happen in threes, you know.

Wonder if they were able to save the nose, at least?  I’m picturing it in a laboratory somewhere, still breathing.

I’ll see you guys on Monday.

Currently in the trunk of my car.

134 Responses to “Your End of Week Topic Dump, vol. 714”

  1. Nope…not me…Next!!

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  2. 1st

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  3. RIP MICHAEL JACKSON

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  4. Sure, they happen in 3s. My question is what the fuck is People mag going to do with it’s cover tomorrow?

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  5. oh yeah and Ed and Farrah too…

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  6. who’s gonna play him in the made for TV movie? get ready for the tributes and interviews with sobbing fans. i was a huge fan, but am not sobbing.

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  7. Finally….an update! yay!

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  8. My first time in the top 10!

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  9. Yep, there’s the death triumvirate. God I hope I used that word right. Or maybe Ed doesnt count cause he was old? Anycrap, I can’t handle a Fleetwood Mac diss, so I will never come to this site again. Except in about 30 seconds to see what everyone else has to say about the sad day for celebrities. Oh, and to order a shirt. Ok, then every day after that hoping for a rogue update. Long Live Jeff Kay!!!!

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  10. I wonder who’s going to rear Michael Jackson’s kids now?

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  11. OMG Biff!!!! am still laughing…great line! i’m usin at work tomorrow!

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  12. Perhaps you need a BlackBerry Pearl flip:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09Fs8cbV8lM

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  13. kinda sux 4 farrah…no headlines for her…and even Ed got knocked off the headlines by jon & kate. (who?)

    so will this turn elvis-y? will there be jack-o sightings 30 years from now?

    little boys everywhere can breathe a little easier however.

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  14. My Dad looked exactely like Ted Kluszewski…and I mean it… ALOT!!! Those shorter sleeved shirts (uniforms) back then…my Dad’s arms and face and build….looked like “Big Klu”. The spelling is weird because we (cincy boy here) pronounced it ‘Kluzinski’. That’s the way Waite Hoyt would say it. Other than that….My mother-in-law that looks like William Bendix.

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  15. No celebs at work, but Jeff’s question reminds me of a game my ex-wife and I use to play to pass the time in airports or other public waiting places:

    You take turns looking at the crowd and when you see a “familiar” celebrity face, you give the name of the “celebrity” with some qualifications that designate the accuracy of your pick.

    E.g., “Robert DeNiro’s third cousin” would be someone with, say, Deniro’s eyes and eyebrows, but not much else.

    “Sarah Palin’s older sister” would be a much closer match.

    The other person has to correctly identify who in the airport you are talking about. If they are right, they a get a point and the next turn.

    I have probably spent weeks of my life playing this game, and it can get pretty funny and clever as you go along.

    too bad about MJ, but even sadder about Farrah (yes, I had the poster in my room back in the day)

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  16. Here just north of the ‘Burgh we have a dead ringer for Spock, circa 1966. As I’ve said here before, I saw him in a restaurant and flashed him the Vulcan gang sign, which he returned with aplomb. I also saw him in Home Depot, no doubt looking for parts to fix his tricorder or something.

    Also, earlier this week I was in a carpet store and was helped by a younger, slimmer Paul Giamatti.

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  17. my old boss looked like jerry springer with bea arthurs hair and barry manilows wardrobe.

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  18. My brother used to always tell me: “Whenever someone dies I always think to myself, well, I guess I’ll never get to fuck them in the mouth.” Wonder if he said that about MJ?

    There’s a lady that works at JC Penny who looks just like that fag hag Kathy Griffin. She greeted me one time and her breath smelled like a herd of cats had shat in her mouth.

    There’s a guy that rides his bike up and down the street around here, and he looks just like Carl Rappaport.

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  19. Jeff K- Don’t you remember the guy that looked like Orville Redenbacher that came around Peaches at least every quarter?

    What about Todd? The guy that worked part-time and at XTC with JRainey?

    He looked a lot like Boy George. And on purpose!

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  20. Oh, I forgot one. The FEDEX man looks just like Art Garfunkel from back in the day.

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  21. Years ago, I had a neighbor that looked like Charles Manson. Wouldn’t normally have given it a second thought, but at the time, Manson was actually housed at a prison not too far from my home. The first time I saw the neighbor walking down the street, I nearly crapped myself thinking that Manson had escaped.

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  22. Ed McMahon was the third one.

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  23. One of my co-workers is John Candy in his Dell Griffith character from Plane, Trains and Automobiles….both look and attitude. The guy has an opinion on and has experienced everything.

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  25. Oh, and a friend I’ve known since high school looked a lot like Tom Bailey of the Thompson Twins. On a number of occasions, he used the similarities to his advantage and obtained the “services” a few very gullible girls. Bit of a creep back then, but according to him, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

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  26. My sister’s first husband looked just like Jim McDonald from Coronation Street

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  27. Good Evening Surf Reporters……

    Amazing that Keith Richards, Iggy Pop, Ozzy Osbourne and the likes are still alive. Hell, Amy Winehouse for that matter.
    The demise of Captain EO, off to that big Neverland in the sky.

    In line with @Malcolm – my friend and I play “Celebrity Bar Look-alike” Pick out a random person and say “Susan Sarandon” or “Gilda Radner” , what ever. Then your opponent has to guess.

    Provides drunken fun, especially during a crowded busy happy hour.

    I’ve been told more times than I can count that I look like Conan O’Brien

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  28. I was more disappointed when this guy died:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Jackson_(writer)

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  29. My ex-husband looks like Satan.

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  30. The Evil Twin and I are huge fans of the director John Waters. He tends to keep a main set of actors he uses for every film. One of them is Mink Stole. The now-retired secretary from our son’s parochial school looked JUST like Mink. And that’s what we always called her. Although the real Mink Stole is much cooler than this shrewy old secretary.

    Many people think the Evil Twin looks like a younger Gary Busey.

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  31. Everything happens in threes, if you wait long enough.

    When I started my present job, my new boss took me around to meet everyone. In the space of two minutes, I found myself thinking “Holy shit, it’s Larry ‘Bud’ Melman”, and “Holy shit, it’s Patrick Stewart”.

    I don’t look like any celebrity, but I’m told I sound like I’m from Ohio. How can that be? I say ‘soda’, not ‘pop’.

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  32. I saw Ted Kaczinsky earlier today buying Long John Silver’s.

    My phone died last month and I had to buy a used phone instead of buying a new one. Mine is probably up in Sept of ’10.

    I had a Samsung Glyde which I liked at the store but I had to replace it at least once because the touch screen went all wonky on me.

    I don’t miss that thing, I have a Samsung A950 flip phone now which I don’t love, but it works.

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  33. There’s a man in my apartment complex that looks just like Peter Boyle (old PB from the Everybody Loves Raymond days as opposed to young PB from the Young Frankenstein days). The resemblance is so strong that the first time I saw him in the mail room I was contemplating asking him if he was, in fact, Peter Boyle but luckily I remembered that Boyle had died a few years back.

    Living in SC I’m guessing that if our Governor was not a Michael Jackson fan before today, he is now. MJ’s death is definitely taking some of the heat off Mark Sanford’s admission of infidelity after going walk-about for a few days.

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  34. if you have insurance on the phone you could lose it and then you get a new one.

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  35. So you’re saying the blue chickadee sleeps au natural, in the buff, a la nekkid. Please clarify. Thank you.

    I know a guy that looks EXACTLY like Michael C. Hall, the dude that plays Dexter Morgan on Dexter.
    Cuh-ree-pee…spittin’…fuckin’…image…separated at birth clone.

    Never mentioned it to him, thought it would be kinda gay.

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  36. Unlike Jeff’s youngest I was born in 68 and acutely remember the 70’s. For the record I agree with him 100% with respect to Fleetwood Mac and 70’s music in general.

    Was never a big fan of either MJ’s music or the shenanigans of his personal life, so I’ll refrain from commenting further other than to say that’s it’s a shame he’ll likely be remembered as much for his “personal issues” than his music.

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  37. If don’t have insurance on your phone and you lose it you can get a new one. It’s just gonna cost you a few dollars. Probably what you would have paid if you you opted for insurance. If I lost my phone, I would just tell them to charge the asshole who make calls on it next.

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  38. I’m sorry, but this likn was just posted to Fark and I thought it quite appropriate under the circumstances:

    http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30940

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  39. My ex boss Peppe looks like Beavis from Beavis and Butthead.

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  40. couple things…

    Eariler this week my fathers ass called me four or five times in the space of about 15 minutes. It finally stopped after he go where he was going. I don’t think he ever notitced, but it happens often. Sometimes he looks at his call log and then calls me to ask if I called him.

    As far as getting a new phone goes, I would like to offer some thoughs as someone who spent some time in the wireless industry.

    Don’t buy phones from ebay. They may be reported lost or there may be fuctional issues that can’t really be resolved (e.g. it got wet when it fell in the toilet) and when you try to transfer the number it turns into a huge hassle.

    If you really want a new device try calling up, asking for an upgrade and then tell them you want to cancel when they tell you no. Usually this will get you transferred to someone who’s job is to pacify you, sometimes by just letting you have what you want. Be prepared to cancel or have an exit strategy in mind of this tactic doesn’t pay off.

    I watched a total knee replacement surgery recently when I got to spend a day in the OR. I won’t give you any details, but Holy Crap is that something to see. Glad to hear that grandma Kay is doing well. If her knee was that bad she probably already feels better than she did before the opreration. Joint repalcement is like that sometimes.

    I can’t think of anyone I know who resembles a celebrity, but I was once in the (yes, the, it’s a small town) Burger King in Standish, MI in the early 80′s when some girl came running up from the grill or wherever, looked me in the eyes and yelled “Oh my god, you’re one of the Beastie Boys!”

    Dipshit that I was I said no. Stupid, stupid, stupid!!

    As far as Michael Jackson goes… what is Weird Al going to do now?

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  41. “singing like a retard with a tooth-ache” –Classic JK!!!
    Rates second only to: “Like an incontinent nut house savant” which by the way would be a great name for a band….

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  42. I have a cell phone. It makes cell phone calls. Ta da!!

    —————-

    My Mom’s had both her knees replaced, and makes it a point to walk every night for a mile. Still can’t bend ‘em allaway, but they work better than her old models. Here’s hoping your mom is a-OK soon!

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  43. Jeff- How weird you have this topic today. This afternoon I bought water softener salt from Huey Lewis. And… yesterday Drew Barrymore sold me rawhides for the dog. I swear it’s true!!!!!

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  44. Ass dialing trumps drunken dialing.
    I have received a few calls myself
    .. see it goes to VM when I do not answer
    and I have heard entire conversations

    I was saddened to hear about MJ
    and agreed- who gets the three kids?
    D says “their REAL parents”

    In honor of MJ
    earlier today
    I posted a pic of me in my bedroom cira 1985
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/tanjentsdotcom/3660650477/
    plastered with MJ posters.
    My mother was mortified.
    Good times (mockable reference)

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  45. People tell me I look like Grace Slick. She’s fucking OLD – knock if off!

    ETW – Love John Waters. Ahhh, Pink Flamingos. Don’t watch during the dinner hour.

    Happy Thursday night, Surfers! I forgot to read the update earlier! Sheesh!

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  46. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnoj-3mIlVw&feature=fvst

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  47. Jeff-
    Have the younger Secret listen to FM’s “I’m So Afraid”. Lindsey plays some searing guitar on that one (he’s a vastly underated guitarist IMO). Or how about some older FM stuff with Peter Green like “Green Manalishi”?

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  48. …”.Klazooski”…damn!!!

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  49. SO very proud of your younger Secret. Quite the legacy to pass on to him… and selfishly, the rest of us who will still pine for the WVSR after you pass away early from all those Wendy’s #1 combos with a Coke. (We can’t get Coke at NC Wendy’s establishments – have to settle for Pepsi products.)

    I hate HATED my phone (a Samsung slider phone). Thought it was cool at first. But when I missed a call, it would alert me to that fact with a chime. Every five minutes. INDEFINITELY. Same with voicemail. It wouldn’t just tell me once or twice and then shut up about it. Had to actually dial the VM number AND listen to it, for it to stop reminding me. It was the most naggy-ass phone it has ever been my misfortune to possess. Yes, I realize that it is likely “operator error” that I couldn’t figure out how to disable these settings. I’m lazy and prefer to bitch about it instead. :-)

    Fortunately, my contract was up and I scored a nice new $99 iphone. I don’t think I’ll ever look back!

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  50. There’s a guy at my church who looks just like a young John Lennon. It’s uncanny. I also have a cousin who looks just like mini-me.

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  51. I got one of the first Blackberry Storms when it came out.

    Major Suckage!

    You can’t carry it anywhere on your person without it beeping! Oh you can lock it so it won’t dial out, but there is no way to disable the beep buttons on the sides of the POS.

    Terrible software! I’m contemplating reactivating a phone from two generations ago. My last phone the Palm Treo is being used to hold down a large stack of newspapers I store in a wind tunnel.

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  52. I don’t mean to belittle the mans talents… but I haven’t been excited to hear his music since Thriller. And he was a perv. He hasn’t toured in forever or put out a decent album in a decade… so even on the pop culture scale… who cares? I don’t wish death on anyone, not even Jon & Kate but geesh… quit talking about MJ on the news. I want to see whats up in Korea.
    And for look alikes, visit your local FirstWatch and its nuts in there. We saw the old guy from the Godfather that makes Michael a deal in Miami. We’ve seen Henry Fonda (but it was a woman). Liberace has been spotted as well. That place is a treasure trove of old look-alikes. My husband and I have a contest every time we are there to find one. or 7.

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  53. I received this text message this morning.

    When Farrah Fawcett got to heaven God granted her one wish…
    She wished for all the children to be safe…
    So God took Michael Jackson from this earth!

    Never fails to amaze me how quick jokes spring up.

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  54. My supervisor looks just like Ted Haggard – the pastor who preached loudly against gays then was caught – yada yada yada. creepy

    I agree, @Karin, that media is going to be blind to everything else in the world for, what? the next 2 weeks? till they bury MJ. wotta circus

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  55. @ Knucklehead – That depends on which Grace they are refering to, I quite sure they were refering to the younger Grace:

    http://money.cnn.com/galleries/2007/moneymag/0702/gallery.pop_icons.moneymag/12.html

    She looks good at 67, still a little controversial for my taste.

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  56. I’d just like say farewell to Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson…two people that taught us how to beat it.

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  57. I love this line about “We should remember MJ for his music”

    No. I don’t remember that accountant down the street for his form filing skills. I remember him because he molested the kids in the neighborhood.

    How you live your life is how you should be remembered.

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  58. @ Jorge – Weird Al will have plenty of musical fodder as long as we have pop music and folks like Chris Brown and the Black Eyed Peas pulling silly shenanigans.

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  59. Brynhildr brings up an interesting point… I wonder how many dumbasses think they got down and dirty with a celebrity when it was really just Bob, the guy who dropped out of college and works in the mail room at X Insurance.

    I bet there’s more people who fucked a fauxlebrity than there are people who got laid by a celebrity.

    And I wonder if Bob knows what a precious gift he has and if he knows time is of the essence.

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  60. I had an editor once who was Hugo Chavez’s non-evil twin. Except he drank alot, and would drunk dial me occasionally. But at least he was good-natured about it.
    Michael Jackson’s death registered about a .0002 on my personal richter scale. Wasn’t terribly impressed with him back in the day, and sure as hell wasn’t after he turned into freaky alien pedophile guy. Sorry. There’s a lot more important shit to get twisted up about. Farrah’s a bummer though. Something really disturbing about someone one has whacked off to dying.

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  61. Shiny “She looks good at 67″??????? The fuck? She looks like one of those people from Battle for the Planet of the Apes AFTER they took their faces off.

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  62. Oh, happy belated death day Michael.

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  63. I saw Mermaid Man at the Chinese Buffet this past Sunday. But I couldn’t snap a picture with my cell phone without being obvious. Even my seven year old son saw the likeness, and was asking, where is Barnacle Boy?

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  64. As for the knee thing, I just recently had surgery on my left knee due to a tear in the meniscus and they cleaned up some arthritis in the knee. I was back walking withing hours of the surgery. It have a little discomfort now and then but it ain’t no where the amount of pain I was experiencing prior to the surgery. Total knee replacement I know will take a bit more time to heal but it will get better given time.

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  65. My Godson looks like Corbin Bleu when he lets his hair grow out. Sometime I wish he would act more like him.

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  66. I saw Jesus at Walmart. And at the local pool. No, he could not walk on water.

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  67. I talked to my Mom this morning and she’s already walking up and down the hallway, to the can and back. She had another knee 24 hours ago! I find that to be amazing.

    We’re going to Knoebels in a little while. It’s hotter than a July scrotum out there, but it should be fun, anyway.

    I hope everyone has a great weekend.

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  68. @ Kelly from Iowa – Then he wasn’t Jesus. Could you imagine the problems Mary had get Jesus to take a bath.

    Mary – Jesus, in the water not above it please! …and no parting the water, that went out with Moses. Why can’t you act like your cousin John, his mother can’t get him out of the water…

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  69. @Tim: Was he wearing shell pasties?

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  70. Thanks Jeff – Enjoy your weekend!!!

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  71. BTW – Good to hear your mom is moving about. Tell her to take it easy though and give it time to heal before she starts doing the motherly marathon.

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  72. Yay Jeff’s mom! :o)

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  73. @ Alice in WV – Maybe we will get a good comprehensive health care bill out of this? Seems like they push laws through when we are focused on other things.

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  74. @ Bill in WV – Oh you are so cruel. The years have been kind to her somewhat. Compared to Kirstie Alley, I would say Grace got the better deal there…

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  75. Gretchen, I had to actually look up aplomb [sigh]. Is it possible to catch the alzheimers at 38?

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  76. It already happened in 3′s Jeff. Ed McMahon, Farrah and Michael Jackson.

    I can work up much sympathy for a child molester. Sorry.

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  77. For those people here from the late 60s and early 70s I used to have girls come up to me on the and street and want to know if I was hippie singer Tom Rush. I apparently was a dead ringer for the photo on his Merrimac County albmum cover. Unfortunately I always had to confess that “yes, as a matter of fact I am Tom Rush.”

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  78. I never buy my phones from the “phone store” anymore. Once you get contract-free, you get addicted to it. You have so much more leverage against the bastards, paying month-to month.

    I have AT&T. They use the little SIM cards. If I see a friend or coworker that has an interesting phone, I usually ask to swap phones. All you have to do is swap the phone and keep your sim card and you can use it like it is yours (same number, email…etc.).

    If I like it, then I go shopping. Usually Craigslist, so I can see what I’m buying before I hand over the cash, but sometimes I HAVE turned to ebay. If you’re careful, you should be ok.

    http://halfdillo.blogspot.com/2009/06/mmmm-roasted-coconut-chest-hair.html

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  79. I meant to say “I cannot work up much sympathy for a child molester.”

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  80. garrett,
    I was wondering the same thing. I asked my wife the other day, “can you catch the alzheimers at 33?” And she said, You’re 33 you’re 71 and yes, you’re ate up with the alzheimers. Bummer.

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  81. I meant: She said, “You’re NOT 33 you’re 71 and yes, you’re ate up with the alzheimers.”

    See? It’s acting up on me right now.

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  82. Some MJ notes:

    In the Fall of 1970, my mom took me to the record store and let me pick out THREE albums for my birthday, an unheard of luxury for a 10-year old boy.

    They were to add to my already impressive collection of one album (From Elvis in Memphis).

    My picks:

    Creedence Clearwater Revival – Cosmo’s Factory
    The Beatles – Let it Be
    The Jackson 5 – ABC

    I still consider these to be outstanding choices that guided my taste in music for years to come. All three make time stand still.

    Michael Jackson’s solo work peaked with “Off the Wall”, which is a great R&B album, perhaps the best of the late 1970′s/early 1980′s.

    Thriller was overhyped – without the video, it wouldn’t have sold one tenth as many copies. Just listen to it with your eyes shut – you will fail to be impressed.

    Everything from MJ since then has been manufactured and overpromoted crap.

    And I hate the fact that he proclaimed himself the “King of Pop”, when he was anything but. The mass media played along with this way too willingly.

    There was only one King, and he died in 1977.

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  83. Oh, and I still have the original beat up, scratched to shit vinyl versions of those three albums. I don’t play them much anymore, but when I pull them off the shelf, the tingle of nostalgia is right there…

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  84. In my last round of schooling, I had a professor who was a ringer for Wally Shawn. It was very common to get an exam back, look at the grade, and exclaim “It’s in-con-THEIV-able!”

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  85. Fleetwood Mac was the Toto of the 1970′s.

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  86. Adam — my Tom-Bailey-lookalike friend never even attempted college and worked at a shoe repair shop. I wondered how those girls never questioned why he smelled like toxic industrial-strength Kiwi and had permanently stained, scabbed-up fingers. Not sure if I ever felt sorry for the girls for being terminally naive, or just thought they deserved what they got for being (faux) starfuckers. (pardon my French)

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  87. Since 99% of Michael Jackson is plastic, he can now be melted down and made into Legos. Then little kids can play with him for once.

    Does anyone have Viaero Wireless? They just came to Hickville and claim to have great phones and service, but I don’t know anyone who uses them. US Cellular sucks, and VW offers to buy you out of your contract.

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  88. I don’t know why I’m always thinking up controversial stuff to comment on, it’s not intentional, I promise, but here goes….

    What is the hell is everybody’s fascination with the Beatles? I’m talking about grown men, like 40 and 50 years old. They buy every tribute album, own memoribilia, tell people to shut up so they can absorb every vibration when one of the songs comes on the radio… you know the ones I mean?

    I can’t see what’s with the music. Is there something I’m missing here. What kind of ear cocaine are they putting in there, because I sure can’t hear it. In fact, here’s a picture of me listening to “Martha My Dear”.

    http://lightscameracaption.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/nick-nolte-mug-shot2.jpg

    For Jezus sake, can anyone tell me????? I’d like to think I have decent and diverse taste in music, but I just can’t get down with theirs, it even irritates me.

    I feel much the same way about Willie Nelson. What wonderful song has he ever put out that wasn’t a complete fuck up of someone else’s original, or a cheesy duet with a rapper / latino singer / someone actually good, or a crappy “Willie original.”

    I’m begging someone out there to enlighten me. Either that, or get me a number to a reputible hypnotist.

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  89. @Malcolm…From what I’ve read…Liz Taylor was the frist to call him that. Yeah…The Queen of the Nile herself. Either way, I’m pretty much…meh.. on MJ. Entertainer?…yeah….Musician…don’t think so. No bashing here…just couldn’t care one way or the other. Do have to give him credit for the innovative choreography though. Maybe he was the “Fred Astire of Pop”. Yeah…I think I’ll go with that.

    …Ditto…Yeaaa to Jeff’s Mom!!

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  90. My IM convo after lunch:

    Dez: My gardener told me that if i dont start working slower i was going to end up like michael jackson
    Adam: a pedophile?
    Adam: addicted to pain killers?
    Adam: white on the outside but black on the inside?
    Dez: lol
    Dez: i think heart attack
    Dez: i was moving heavy things, but was running up the stairs while doing so
    Adam: in Spanish heart attack is “infarto” don’t ask me why I know this

    When banks aren’t failing I have nothing to do!

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  91. @Trinamick – That’s funny. I don’t get the whole ‘celebrity’ thing and the big hype with Jacko. Seems that now that he’s passed on every ‘celeb’ wants to jump in say good things about him. His funeral is going to be a circus.

    Ass phone call – an acquaintance of mine was bitching to me about her on again off again boyfriend (I don’t blame him for his ‘antics’ – normally I get irked when guys call girls psycho – but she fit the mold). Apparently her entire bitch session got recorded on his VM. Flip phones are the only way to go for me.

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  92. @garrett…Willie wrote many tunes….”Crazy” (Patsy Cline) when he was on Ray Price’s band playing bass, I’d guess when he was 23, maybe 25ish.
    Wrote it on the bus one night. He wrote “Funny How Time Slips Away”…”The Night Life” (Ray Price [and many, many others]). “Hello Walls” (Farron Young)…”Pretty Paper” (Roy Orbison)….many more you might not know of but that’s ok. You might not care for his ‘style’…but he is the real deal. How I know him and his band, goes way back. Jodie Payne and Bee Spears (I’m not just droping names here for show). Bev’s got a set (four) of Mickey’s harmonicas he left on our bandstand one night when Willie and the guys were sitting in again after their gig at the Nuggett across the streeet. We were playing the “Mint”. Called him the next day and he told Bev she could just keep them.
    Wow…didn’t mean to go on there but it’s raining pretty hard right now and I got chased inside. I like it a lot better when I get to play (work) outside.
    So I guess what I’m getting at here is the “cover tunes” Will did, were actually tunes he wrote. Perhaps sung better by someone else (maybe) and that’s the ‘version’ of the tune you have in your head…I’m just sayin’.
    Any more enlightenment needed there garrett? Just doing my part as a Surf Reporter.

    Ok….everybody yawn and move along….

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  93. When Farrah Fawcett died God granted her one wish. “I want to save all the children” she said. So God killed Michael Jackson. Justin Timberlake is now The King of Pop…..So it is Written!

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  94. Celebrity look alikes – Garrett you look kinda like Bush in that pic that you shared with us.

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  95. @DTO – It may have been Liz Taylor who proclaimed him King, but he and his publicists might well have put her up to it…he was a master media manipulator in the days immediately after Thriller.

    And yes, I will give him kudos on the choreography, which was world-class on video and on stage.

    And thank you for illuminating us on early Willie Nelson successes. Most of those I wasn’t aware of.

    I still can’t forgive him for the Julio Iglesias duet, tho’.

    Did you know Elvis purportedly choreographed the dance sequences in Jailhouse Rock?

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  96. @ Malcolm – Good selections, you are right. Thriller would not have been a success if it were not for all the other folks in the background. Wasn’t Sheryl Crowe on the album? Nope, she was on the Bad Album tour.

    He featured folks like Paul Jackson (no relationship), Eddie Van Halen (Van Halen), Louis Johnson (Brothers Johnson), Paul McCartney (Beatles), David Paich, Jeff and Steve Porcaro (Steely Dan, Toto, Springsteen, Dire Straits) and Rod Temperton (Heatwave). Get any of these folks in a room together and your gonna have a successful selling album. Most of the folks who worked on the album were some of the best recording studio artist out there when it comes to pop music.

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  97. Also – I once knew a girl that looked like Eugene Levi.

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  98. @ garrett

    Dude, I hear you.

    I think they suck harder than 1000 suns. I have tried to like them. I just don’t get it.

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  99. Just heard the coroner announced cause of death for MJ.

    Food poisoning…

    too many 8 year old weiners

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  100. MJ is dead? Oh well, there goes any chance of a Beatle reunion….

    Damn you Yoko Ono!

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  101. Glad to hear that your Mom is rocking her new knee, Jeff! YAY!

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  102. Shiny Rod, I look somewhere BETWEEN those two photos.

    If that’s what I’m gonna look like when I’m 67, I’m blowing my brains out at 60.

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  103. Hate to be a stiff ass here…but…it’s still raining here sooooooo…. I’m still stuck inside
    ……:yay =…. “this;… or so:…. often with a gesture indicating size”…..(yay big)

    Yea =…1) yes…2) indeed…3) a preson voting in the affirmative…..or hurrah: a shout used in chreeing for a team……..(or a Mom)…..”Websters”

    You could call me a pain in the ass but you’ll have to get in line. Littlle stuff bugs me.

    Hey…quit raining……headed back out……..-d

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  104. Yea pain in the ass-ery! :)

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  105. My wife bought me this really cool new touchpad phone (HTC Touch 3G) but the damn thing displays everything in Mandarin so I have no idea how to do anything with it except make and receive phone calls. Imagine, a phone that only acts like a phone.

    Fleetwood Mac’s first two albums after Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks joined the band are seminal works of art. This can not be disputed.

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  106. @ Shiny Rod

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  107. Please stop creating

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  108. a new post

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  109. for every sentence.

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  110. (No offence intended.)

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  111. http://www.thelocal.se/20232/20090623/

    Check out this website, totally looks like something ol’ Nancy and Nostrils would do to their kids.

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  112. Further Proof that SeanInSac is dead on:

    ““We want Pop to grow up more freely and avoid being forced into a specific gender mould from the outset,” Pop’s mother said. “It’s cruel to bring a child into the world with a blue or pink stamp on their forehead.”

    Scary there are more of them out there.

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  113. @ Kevindust – Bite me!!! It’s bcause I am responding to different subjects and don’t want people confused about who I am directing my statement. Besides, last time I checked, there was no rule against how many times you post as long as you are not double posting. Or are you experiencing some posting envy? BTW, who made you moderator? Don’t let me go there…

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  114. Ooopss I went there didn’t I…

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  115. I use YAY in the cheer form :)

    Yay!

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  116. My ex mother in law looks like Ric Flair. Complete with the overprocessed platinum blonde hair, the fake cornhusk doll tan, and the oddly flabby torso.

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  117. Late to the party as usual.

    Celebrities- I once worked with a guy who was a spitting image of John Cusack. My Dad looks like Larry Bird. My Mom looks like Florence Henderson (odd pair, I know).

    Phones: Like Jorge said… I had the Juke. I hated that damn phone. I finally told Verizon that if they did not let me upgrade I was canceling my contract. Guess who got to upgrade early? I have the LG Voyager and love it!

    Good luck and glad to hear Momma Kay is feeling better!

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  118. Actually, I think Michael Jackson starts a NEW death triumverate. The previous three were David Carradine, Ed, and Farrah. So, looking at it realistically, Scott Baio should be worried.
    Oh, and way to go, Biffy Spiffy! I’ve been using your “rear the children” line for the past couple of days, and all my friends look at me like I’m some total sicko. Hehehe…I wouldn’t want it any other way! That line had better make Jeff’s WVSR week in review email!

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  119. Where does Billy Mays fit into all this?

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  120. Oooops, I forgot celeb lookalikes…I had a guy working for me in WV that looked exactly like Charles Manson. I work with a guy who could be mistaken for Quentin Tarrantino. Also work with a guy who looks just like Chris Stamey…which is understandable because they are first cousins. People tell me that I look a lot like John Denver…I hope they aren’t referring to how he probably looks now.

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  121. @Jeff,

    “Where does Billy Mays fit into all this?” – Um, he just died too. Does that make the triad? I’ve lost track.

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  122. Yep…another trifecta ‘o’ death has just been completed. First we had Bea Arthur, David Carradine, and Ed McMahon. And now we’ve just completed Farrah, Michael Jackson, and Billy Mays. Scott Baio can rest comfortably…for now.

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  123. Billy Mays too? Who’s next? Conan O’brien? Nancy Reagan? This is bullshit! I’m sitting here rocking back and forth on my desk chair, a pistol in my mouth. I don’t know what to do.

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  124. Now people can fake morn and act like they are Billy Mays fans, just like with MJ.

    I remember seeing him on that oxy clean commercial. *sniff*

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  125. Sorry mourn not morn.

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  126. Yeah, and don’t forget Patrick Swayze may be coming up (or going down?) soon, too.

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  127. What will Farrah and Michael Jackson be getting for Christmas this year?

    A: Patrick Swayze

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  128. @garrett Quote “What is the hell is everybody’s fascination with the Beatles? I’m talking about grown men, like 40 and 50 years old. They buy every tribute album, own memoribilia, tell people to shut up so they can absorb every vibration when one of the songs comes on the radio… you know the ones I mean?”

    I think some people reach an eternal moment of “Zen” in their youthful formative years that causes such a reaction. I’m guessing most of these moments were chemically induced.
    That said, I know a guy that is obsessed with Beatles stuff. The records, complete sets still in the unopened cellophane. He’s had custom jewelry made, tattoos, you name it.
    He confided in me that his collection is approaching 1 million dollars in value. The guy has a very successful business has never bullshitted me about anything in the years that I’ve know him. He just loves the Beatles.
    I guess you just “had to be there.”

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  129. Farrah Fawcett – The pop icon every boy went to bed dreaming of
    Michael Jackson – The pop icon who dreamed of going to bed with every boy

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  130. Well… I thought I might break the Billy Mays thing on the Surf Report but it looks like laying on the couch all weekend and clearing out the DVR made me the last to know!

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  131. Since they come in threes, we’re due for another one soon.

    1. David Carradine
    2. Ed McMahon
    3. Farrah Fawcett

    1. Michael Jackson
    2. Billy Mays
    3. _____________

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  132. Keeping my fingers crossed for Bill Paxton!!!

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  133. wow Swami I had wondered how they bunched the trilogy of the dead. If I was in Hollywood I would be scared since the third slot is now open.

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  134. Anyone old enough to know who Fred Travalena was? Had his own TV show in the 70′s. 2nd best celebrity impersonator next to Rich “Funny as Syphillis” Little. Anyway, he died, if that counts.

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Thanks for stopping by! My name is Jeff Kay, I was born while JFK was president, and it's all very embarrassing and corny. Today I'm a suburban husband and father, who is sometimes accused of being a bit tightly-wound. The West Virginia Surf Report! is my creative outlet, and insurance policy against completely losing my shit. I hope you'll stick around and participate in the lively community of geniuses and curmudgeons who hang out here every day. I love a full 87% of them! And while you're at it, please follow me at Twitter and Facebook.

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