Your End of Week Topic Dump, vol. 36
Yeah, I think I’m going to have to ask for a do-over on this homemade haircut… It’s starting to go slightly mushroom-shaped: narrow at the bottom, with a pronounced widening above the ears. I’ve got Hiroshima Head, and possibly Nagasaki Neck.
And I can’t have that.
My friend Duff emailed me last night, to alert me to an article about Charles Portis in the New York Times. Check it out. Portis is one of my favorite writers, and is almost as reclusive as J.D. Salinger used to be — before he died and took it up another notch.
The cool thing about the article is that the reporter went to Arkansas and actually had a couple of beers with the author. Man… I’d give my left penis (is that the correct phrase? it feels a bit off) for a chance to spend an hour in a barroom with Charles Portis. It would be like drinking with Moses or Lincoln, or something.
Portis wrote True Grit, which was turned into a John Wayne movie and has been remade by the Coen Brothers, but also wrote two of the funniest novels I’ve ever read: Norwood and The Dog of the South. Both have similar premises, and are equally hilarious.
What are the funniest books you’ve ever read? Fiction or non-fiction, it doesn’t matter. Tell us about it in the comments, won’t you?
Toney and I are going Christmas shopping this evening. It’s the only night I’m not working, so we’re going to Sam’s and a couple of other nearby places to exchange cash for merchandise. We’re in slight disagreement about a gift we’ll be buying for the younger Secret, but I’m right. I’m not always right, mind you, but I am this time.
Have you finished your shopping? I haven’t, and my obligations are minimal. Toney handles 90% of it, and I haven’t taken care of ANY of the remaining 10%. And I’ll be no closer after tonight, either… because tonight falls into the 90% category, if you follow me.
A quick reminder: Please use our Amazon links, while doing your holiday shopping. It costs you nothing extra, and I’ll earn a small percentage of whatever you spend. It’s a painless way to support the Surf Report. And I thank you.
You know what pisses me off? All the albums on my Big iPod that go into the Various Artists catch-all folder, for no good reason.
Like this XTC best-of I’m playing right now… If you look up XTC by artist, it shows nothing. But if you look for the album by name, in Various Artists, there it is. What the hell, man? Same goes for this Galaxie 500 compilation. There’s nothing under the artist name, you have to remember the album’s title every time.
Yeah, I know I can go in there and play around with the information, and fix the problem by hand. But who has time for that kind of boolshit? I don’t. It’s supposed to work automatically (and does most of the time). I shouldn’t have to hack code ‘n’ shit. And it’s not always compilations, either. The second Luna album, Bewitched, is also listed as Various Artists.
It’s raising my blood pressure, just thinking about it. Various artists my big riffled ass. It’s not various, it’s one very specific artist on each album. Grrr… I realize a survivor of Auschwitz, or whatever, might not view this as a major aggravation. But I’ve never been to Auschwitz dammit, and I want my songs to be properly organized!
Yeah, and wonder why this video clip just popped into my head?
My brother texted me this morning, and told me he found a $100 bill outside his bank. He pocketed it, as I would’ve. However, I would feel guilty about it. I would envision some little old lady withdrawing money, so she could include it inside a Christmas card to her deaf grandchild.
And I’d feel a little bad about it as I purchased a Saranac sampler at the beer store, and would try to replace those heartrending thoughts with an image of some asshole drug dealer in a wife-beater and Florida Marlins cap, waving his arms around like a douchesack and spilling money all over the streets.
What’s the biggest amount of cash you’ve ever found? I once happened upon a wad of money that initially looked like a lot, but was mostly ones. I think it was somewhere in the neighborhood of seven bucks. What about you? What’s the largest amount of money you’ve ever found?
And I need to stop right here. Toney will be home in a few minutes, so I’d better hoist my heft off this chair. I probably won’t update tomorrow, but everything’s subject to change.
I’ll see you guys next time, whenever it happens to be.
Have a great day!
Filed under: Daily
Just so you know-I have done 90% of my holiday shopping on Amazon.com and used your link every time. Hope that helps!!!
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Jeff Reply:
December 16th, 2010 at 5:24 pm
It’s appreciated!
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Lucie Rueth- Flowers Reply:
December 29th, 2010 at 1:13 am
I found $510.00 & $25 canadian back in november, I still have the canadian bills…. the $510.00 went towards another concert, a cd, and bills. plus a month before that I won $500.00 on a scratch off…. boy i wish that would happen again soon!
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Wow? Second? And I read the thing and checked the links.
I’m gonna go rub one out in celebration.
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Cuppa two-tree
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Have to admit, when you described Toney’s cut as “wobbly”
I knew it would not last. Hilarious.
Remember how you counted the FUCKS in Deadwood and gained DRUDGE fame? Well we have a small crowd counting foots ashore. Just an FYI
That’s right. Seems there is an epidemic of feet washing ashore lately on the Pacific coast and we are going to get to the bottom of it!!
Latest is a boys size 6
http://www.seattlepi.com/loca/6420ap_wa_mystery_foot.html
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” A Monk Swimming” by Malachy McCourt (Frank’s brother)
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madz1962 Reply:
December 16th, 2010 at 4:45 pm
Never read it – thanks for the idea! Loved Frank McCourt’s stuff.
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CADude Reply:
December 16th, 2010 at 7:00 pm
Frank McCourt’s a douche. He refuses to spend money on talent, and drained the company coffers to support a lifestyle for himself and his now-ex-wife that was insane even by La-La Land standards. The Dodgers will be much better off once he has to sell as part of the divorce settlement.
Huh? Different Frank McCourt? You’re not talking about the owner of the Dodgers?
Never mind.
-Dude
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Melissa Reply:
December 17th, 2010 at 4:26 pm
I’ve read Malachy’s books & short stories (not many of them), but I adore Frank McCourt. His three are in my top five. I was bummed when he died, even though he was like 210 years old.
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I think I found $5 once.. but I didn’t feel guilty. It is “karmic money” – remember that $5 bill you lost back in 2004? Well, here it is again just when you were thinking that a McRib sandwich would taste really good right about now….
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Ball Four – Jim Bouton Supposed to be true but is probably mostly lies. Very funny either way.
Semi-Tough – Dan Jenkins His funniest book. Laugh out loud funny.
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Damn, I could of been second if I commented before rubbing one out!
I know I’ve found a few bucks here and there but probably nothing bigger than a five. I always like finding money in a coat pocket that you haven’t worn in awhile along with a half a pack of cigs.
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bikerchick Reply:
December 16th, 2010 at 4:17 pm
I hope you washed your hands before commenting…
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Most I’ve ever found – $100. Right outside of an ‘interpretive dance center’. Went right back in and returned it to its rightful owners…
Guy I worked with once found $3200, and this was in 1973 or something. Figures some kid has his tuition and year’s money all together. He turned it into the campus cops, and after a year, he got his $2600 back. He was smart enough not to say anything, and figured that bought him all of his grass in college.
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I found $450 last year in a WalMart parking lot. I felt bad about keeping it too. I know it was someones cashed paycheck.
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BTW…the video clip of Louis CK is hilarious! And true!
The only time I ever really “found” money was at home. Remember our ADD discussion? Well…a few years back, my now late husband was out somewhere. While walking by my china closet I noticed a lid to an antique sugar bowl a bit askew. So when I put it back into place, I noticed a wad of money inside. A wad of 600 bucks!! ….the fuck??
When he got home a little later, I asked him about it. He said “Holy Fuck! That’s right!…I forgot all about it!” Apparently it had been there for a few months. He had no clue. Me and my big mouf.
My Christmas shopping came to an abrupt halt when I had to take my little pug, Stella, to the vet Monday night to the tune of $300. So…what I got is what they get.
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m Reply:
December 16th, 2010 at 9:48 pm
My cat needs surgery that’s going to run around $1,200, and I simply don’t have that kind of money. It really sucks, because she’s been a wonderful pet. I’m just going to try to keep her as happy as long as I can, and console myself with the knowledge that, if I had the money, I would spend it on her.
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dto Reply:
December 16th, 2010 at 10:17 pm
m…
Jane The Cat just had a bad eye thing happen. Orbital absess and she was down and hurtin’ bad. Not like Jane The Cat at all. $500. I wish your kitty and you well.
bikerchick..”Stella…your sister’s a pug.”
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bikerchick Reply:
December 17th, 2010 at 9:46 am
m… That sucks about your cat. The guilt is overwhelming, I know. My puggy has an enlarged heart which is pushing on her trachea causing a horrible “honking” type cough. So now she’s on meds for the rest of her life. But they have a “more effective” medication that is new…more expensive …and she has to have an echo first ($500)…and checked periodically with an echo if I decide to go that route. I just can do it. Fortunately, the meds she has seem to be helping. She is 13. I know she won’t live forever. But I have never enjoyed a dog as much as I have her. So when that fateful day comes I will be heartbroken.
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Garrett - g1g3m Reply:
December 17th, 2010 at 1:44 pm
Know what you guys mean…. In my whole life, I’ve had to take 2 different dogs on a long “hunting trip,” only to return with a collar. All because some dumb ass vet(s) insisted on trying to blackmail me with the life of my pet.
I’ve seen people go to pieces when they take their pet to “get put to sleep.” Try doing it yourself sometime.
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……
Out at the golf course one day and found a new crisp fiddy dolla bill laying at the base of a tree.
We drank well in the clubhouse that day.
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Actual cash found was 20 bucks flying down the walmart parking lot. Stomped on that sucker, didn’t see anybody anywhere upwind that would be chasing it, so it stayed mine.
The most POTENTIAL money I found was when some guy had his buisness check book fall out of his truck at the grocery store a couple spots over. Dumb ass ignored me when I honked at him (I should have taken that as a hint) picked it up to discover it to be a fresh check book with only two pages of checques used. The stubs indicated cheques in the amount of $5000, $4500, and two for around $100. And a pre-filled in one, signed an all for an additional $2000 for a fuel company. So, I call the phone number on the cheques and he shows up a few hours later. “Thanks, if you ever need anything done I’ll give you a good price.”. God damn fucker, least he could have done is spot me a coffee from TIm Hortons. What the hell am I gonna do with landscaping services? I got all my own equipment for crying out loud. I coulda drained that account if I was so inclined. Signature-check. Blank cheques-check. Ability to pay large sums-check.
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Bought a kindle & accessories thru your link.
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Jeff Reply:
December 16th, 2010 at 5:28 pm
Thanks! For yourself, or a gift?
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I was in a cab and I kicked something on the floor. I asked the driver if he left a bag in the backseat. He didn’t. I unzipped the back pack and it was full of money and pot and a scale. I found about 2500 bucks (in small bills) and about a quarter pound of pot. I split it 50 50 with the cab driver and he drove me home for free.
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If you enjoy dry British humor combined with sort-of horror (vampires, aliens, werewolves, demons, etc.) check out Tom Holt.
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“From Those Wonderful Folks Who Gave You Pearl Harbor” by Jerry Della Famina – all about the world of advertising. Hilarious.
I found two twenties folded together stepping off of Madison and 44th.
I got Beloved a card so far. And it isn’t even a Hallmark. That is the extent of my shopping. I do have to get some things on Amazon and will use your link, Jeff.
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Around $470 over a period of weeks in the parking lot of the apartment complex I lived in at the time. Almost 10 years ago now. It was strange, loose money blowing around in the wind; mostly twenties and fifties.
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I’ve been lucky enough to find money on several occasions., but not in any high $$ amounts. Once I found $20 lying in the parking lot at a skating rink and just a few weeks ago I found $10 lying on the ground when I got out of my Exploder outside a mexican restaurant.
When my niece was a kid, maybe 6 or 7, she was with my parents at a farmers market in Dallas, and she stopped as they were walking and picked something up. She got really excited and said “look grandpa! I found a dollar!” she handed it to my dad and he was shocked to see that it was a $100 bill. He didn’t say anything but told her to put it in her pocket right away, and she did. He didn’t want anyone to overhear!
Later that week, my parents took her shopping at Walmart and let her spend the entire $100 on toys and clothes. She thought it was the best week ever.
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My wife’s aunt and uncle took us to dinner one night at a very high priced restaurant. Dinner for the four of us was around $190. After exiting the restaurant, I found 4 crips $100 bills on the sidewalk. I should have kept my mouth shut and pocketed the money, but alas, I didn’t. I told my wife what I had found and she blurted out that we should give her aunt and uncle half since they just paid for dinner. Later, I found out that there was a fifth $100 bill stuck to the two that I gave them. As it turns out, I bought dinner and gave them a little extra on the side. I still get mad thinking about it. I refuse to talk to them anymore.
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Some books that have made me laugh:
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
– by Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
Dead Solid Perfect
Limo
Semi-Tough
– all by Dan Jenkins
When the Cat’s Away
Musical Chairs
A Case of Loan Star
(actually any of the early Kinky Friedman mysteries)
– by Kinky Friedman
The General Danced at Dawn
McAuslan in the Rough
The Shiekh and the Dustbin
– all by George MacDonald Fraser
Catch-22
– by Joseph Heller
In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash
– by Jean Shepard
Molly Ivins Can’t Say That, Can She?
– by Molly Ivins
The Code of the Woosters
– by P. G. Wodehouse
Memoirs of a Mangy Lover
– by Groucho Marx
Take the Cannoli : Stories From the New World
– by Sarah Vowell
Rumpole and the Golden Thread
(or any Rumpole book for that matter)
– by John Mortimer
.
jtb
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
December 16th, 2010 at 6:27 pm
I read Groucho’s book many years ago and don’t really remember much about it. Had to be funny though.
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Lori in Cbus Reply:
December 16th, 2010 at 7:42 pm
I’m a big fan of Wodehouse and Rumpole.. funny, jtb, you are a rumpole figure in my head.. the way with words and such..
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Sidney Reply:
December 16th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
jtb- Thank you for mentioning Dr. Thompson.
I suddenly feel as though I have downed some good schrooms…
FUCK work tomorrow!
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Jersey Don Reply:
December 16th, 2010 at 11:00 pm
All of Jean Shepherd’s books got passed around my family back when I was a teenager. “In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash” amd “Wanda Hickey’s Night of Golden Dreams” were just perfect.
H. Allen Smith put out “Rude Jokes” which would just kill us.
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I just bought an assload of dinosaur train shit and duplo blocks using your link. For me.
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Funniest book I’ve ever read was the Fart Book. Intended for kids, secretly intended for adults. I just bought a bathroom read for my boyfriend for Christmas that is entitled, “What’s Your Poo Telling You?’ The title was enough for me, but when I was thumbing through it quick in the store it contained pictures of a guy flying off the toilet in a fiery burst of flames and that was all I needed to make the purchase.
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I found $60 dollars this year. Felt guilty for a few minutes but really had no place to turn it in.
My Daughter keeps a ‘piggy bank’ with all her found money. She is very good at finding coins at drive-thru windows, parking lots, and around walmart and target checkout lines. It is a talent.
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I found $20 in the parking lot at work one morning. I put a leaf over it and a rock on the leaf. I figured if someone noticed they lost it the ywould do like me and go kicking around the parking lot. Well, it was still there under the leaf halfway through the afternoon, well after lunch. So I took it.
That’s right I took it,
and shoved it deep, deep inside
my pocket.
And I shoved it in hard,
so as to make sure it wouldn’t fall out.
I hate when it falls out.
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TxnCarrie Reply:
December 16th, 2010 at 10:39 pm
Anyone else hot after reeading this comment? No? I guess it’s just me.
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Not Oprah Reply:
December 18th, 2010 at 9:09 am
I was more disturbed – you must be new here?
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Too bad there’s not a link to southwest or delta. I’da made Jeff a millionaire by now!
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Lori in Cbus Reply:
December 16th, 2010 at 7:45 pm
It would be cool if Jeff had links to knitpicks.com…i spend tons of money on yarn and shit..
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I don’t feel bad about keeping found money. If they couldn’t keep ahold of it, they didn’t want it that bad. Fuck’em.
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I found a $50 in an office building right outside a red cross office. turned it in to them. trying to build up karma….like the hoover dam one shovel at a time.
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I found $620 in a money clip once when I left a bar near the town square. I asked the only two guys nearby if they’d lost anything and they both said no. So I put a couple of signs around the court house the next day and only one guy called. He called several times and wasn’t even close. “Yeah, man, I lost a twenty. And my wallet.” Then it was “a fifty” and so on. I finally told him to stop calling me and I spent the loot.
Funny books. I don’t read a lot of fiction or anything, so that’s hard. “Following the Equator” by Mark Twain has some funny parts, but not a whole lot. I bought “I Rant, Therefore I Am” by Dennis Miller in an Airport a few years ago to get me through a long flight. That book was full of some very funny shit.
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I just spent $250 at Amazon through the WVSR links. No, the gift shopping isn’t done. I’ll probably leave it till the last minute for a change.
The most cash I’ve ever found was $5.00 some time in the 1970s (woo hoo, party). But just a couple of years ago I found 400 postage stamps, new in the wrappers, at the corner of 19th and Pennsylvania. Been using them to mail my bill payments ever since.
.
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This time of year is always hard for us. A couple of years ago we got a lot of gift cards and food coupons ready to send out to needy families, 400 in all. But we lost our stamps somewhere around 19th and Pennsylvania and we were unable to mail them. We hand delivered what we could, but hundreds of kids went without that year.
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chill Reply:
December 16th, 2010 at 7:39 pm
Did I mention these were 27-cent postcard stamps? Peckahead ;^)
.
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T. Farty McAppleass Reply:
December 16th, 2010 at 7:46 pm
Oh. Did you find them? Would you be so kind as to forward me the $108 we lost in stamps so we can carry on our good work? God Bless! And a Merry Christmas to all!
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chill Reply:
December 16th, 2010 at 8:19 pm
Nope, sorry. Haven’t seen them. But I’ll get right on it. Can you describe? State size relative to a breadbox, and so forth? Make, model, year? Perhaps file a report; Mrs. O’Donnell at the Bursar’s Office will be happy to provide the appropriate forms.
.
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Funny books:
Jean Shepherd’s “In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash”, as first reported by JTB. “The Ferrari in the Bedroom” (also by Shepherd) was not quite as funny as IGWTAOPC, but still good. I also liked “Wanda Hickey’s Night of Golden Memories”.
“A Confederacy of Dunces” by John Kennedy Toole is hysterical. Way too much to go into here, but some of the characters remind me of some of Jeff’s relatives.
“Running with Scissors” by Augusten Burroughs; also anything by David Sedaris.
The books in Neal Stephenson’s “Baroque Cycle” series have some very funny moments, but they are not funny books overall. They are GOOD books though. In my opinion.
“TCP/IP Network Administration” by Craig Hunt is not the least bit funny.
.
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johnthebasket Reply:
December 16th, 2010 at 7:54 pm
When Mr. Hunt describes the interaction of the Data Link layer with the Network layer I get pretty excited. And I sometimes spurt when he gets to the Transport layer. But, as pure comedy, I guess I agree that this isn’t where you’re gonna find it.
jtb
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Lee Harvey Ramone Reply:
December 17th, 2010 at 12:58 pm
I just completed “All Others Pay Cash” and am presently reading “Wanda Hickey”, and must agree that Shephard’s humor and writing style are up there with the funniest reading I have ever encountered. I also have to agree with David Sedaris’s stuff and Toole’s “Dunces”. I get a huge kick out of the weird stories that have come out of the mind of Harry Crews, too.
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
December 17th, 2010 at 2:15 pm
I read Body by Harry Crews and found it strange and very funny.
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Ordered 3 books the night of the 12th and got them today. Two nights ago…2 CDs. Toinght I’ll get those two books you linked to. All for me from the guilt ridden wvsr link. From the sounds of things from other reporters, you’ll soon be able to afford a decent haircut.
oh…and I usually say…”What’s left of my penis”.
And I’ve found money before. Ten here, thirty there. It’s when I’m looking around in my wife’s purse for my balls.It’s always right next to where she keeps ‘em.
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I second the mention of Running With Scissors, that book is hilarious and tragic and weird. I laughed out loud at many parts of it. Marley and Me has some really funny parts. As serious as Angela’s Ashes is, there are some very, very funny parts, told in a dry manner. I love the chapter about his First Communion.
I purchased a train table, various Thomas the Tank Engine accessories, an ice cream freezer, a cookbook, and refills for the Cat Genie self-washing litter box from Amazon through the link. A small token of my appreciation for you, Mr. Kay!
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Jeff – I think the phrase you’re searching for is “I’d give my left nut…”
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chill Reply:
December 17th, 2010 at 6:38 am
“Left penis” is much, much funnier.
.
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icecycle66 Reply:
December 17th, 2010 at 9:02 am
You think you’re better than me just cause you have two testicles?
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Garrett - g1g3m Reply:
December 17th, 2010 at 3:29 pm
Yes, the implied, being that Jeff has 2 penis (peni?) and does not find that odd, makes it funny.
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The McIntyre Square Giant Eagle presently smells like a vagina full of bad decisions. That is all….at this time.
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bikerchick Reply:
December 17th, 2010 at 9:59 am
LMAO!! Thanks for the warning!!
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Gretchen Reply:
December 17th, 2010 at 12:55 pm
You’re welcome. Maybe the water main break will wash it all away.
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i once found $3k wrapped up in a rubber band. I turned the corner (after pocketing it) and saw a meximan crying in the gutter. i asked him what was wrong and he said “i just lost my life savings… $3k….”
i shrugged and walked away. dirty wetback.
psych… i gave it back to him. poor guy.
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I went to the mall yesterday to get some shopping done. There was this kid sitting on the curb, crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said, “My mother gave me two one hundred dollar bills to shop for my Dad and sisters. And some mean boys took one of them.” So I looked to see if anyone was around. When it was clear that he was stuck at the mall alone for another hour or so, I took his other hundred.
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While working a gig at the former Hilton in Pittsburgh, I ran back to my car to get something and stopped to tie my shoe and saw an envelope in the gutter and touched it with my shoe. It felt like something was inside and when I opened it I saw $128.00 in it and some very old man’s shaky handwriting on the front with a bunch of numbers/figures. I looked and nobody was around so I took it but kept thinking about the old man, so I actually called KDKA radio, which I suspected that was my best bet to reach an old man(ha!) and had the show host tell my story and if someone could tell me what was written on the front and how much was inside they could have it. Nobody claimed it so I gave some of it to the Salvation Army(to make me feel less guilty) and bought steak and good beer with the rest!!!
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Found a bag on a street where there are lots of those “Cash-4-Gold”…”Diamonds Bought and Sold” type places. Lots of those Hasidim-types visit the area…frantic nervous MIBs with their scraggly beards and banana curl sideburns….long tassles hanging out of their pants. Well, this little black bag is kicking around in traffic….I pick it up…surprise?? Old Satmar must have crapped his holy undies when he got home and discovered his South African stones were’t in his valise. Somebody put their luggage on top of their car and drove off. Hello off-shore bank account.
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I’ ve never felt bad about finding other people’s droppped cash. Never.
“Finders keepers, losers…” well, you know.
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I think the funniest book I have ever read was “Geek Love” by Katherine Dunn. Funny in how bizarre it was.
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chill Reply:
December 17th, 2010 at 7:11 pm
Of course, yes. The beautiful girl who has a tail…
.
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I bought my first home in the spring so I am near broke. My parents American Cocker Spaniel (a sweetheart, not yappy or mean like so many small dogs) recently had a freak incident going up some stairs where she twisted her back and effectively paralyzed herself. A $6000 surgery later, she is about 90% recovered. The incident happened two days after my Dad ordered himself a retirement present a la 2011 Mustang GT 5.0. Our family Christmas may be a little short on $commercialism$ this year…but the first time my parents show up at my house to take me for a spin in the 5.0 with the little dog riding along it will all be OK.
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Ain’t no fucking dog worth 6 large.
My step son bought a Shelby Gt 500 a couple months ago..wild ride that one.
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Valentin Reply:
December 19th, 2010 at 8:27 am
They are when you consider them your family. My dog’s are my babys.
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Whole lot of Wal-Mart in this thread.
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Shane…bien dit…jtb
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Re: my earlier comment on funny books. Came back today and it jumped right off the screen at me.
It would, of course, be “Loan Star” IF YOU BORROWED IT; If you’re gonna drink the stuff (which, after all, is the idea) then it should be LONE STAR.
Bad John, bad; bad.
jtb
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Karen Mal from down Austin way is a fine songwriter and singer. She wrote this song. Jeff Talmadge is a very good singer who always attracts the very best musicians in Texas to play along. Jeff is from Uvalde, Crystal City, Boling, New Gulf, Iago and Big Spring, Texas. Sadly, you won’t hear him sing this unless you do something digital (how the fuck should I know what?)
.
BEYOND THE HEADLIGHTS
You don’t have to see beyond the headlights
To find your way back home
You don’t have to know which way the wind blows
To know it chills you to the bone
Fifteen hours out of Memphis
There’s a preacher on the radio
There’s a midnight call for your salvation
You’ve got a thousand miles to go
There’s a promise in the night sky
A belief in things you haven’t seen
So you’re counting down the exits
And all the miles that lie between
You don’t have to see beyond the headlights
To find your way back home
You don’t have to know which way the wind blows
To know it chills you to the bone
You’ve got a backseat full of doubts and good intentions
You can’t wait to know what’s wrong or right
You can’t make the time go faster no matter how hard you drive
There is no shortcut on this road tonight
You know the map is not the journey;
You know the sign is not the road
Shine your lights on the highway, keep your hands on the wheel
You will find everything you need to know
So drive all night if you want to
Like there’s an answer to the questions in your bones
But you don’t have to see beyond the headlights
To find your way back home
Go and find your way back home
Maybe you’re already home
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Garrett - g1g3m Reply:
December 17th, 2010 at 3:20 pm
If you stream KNBT 92.1FM out of New Braunfels you can him and similar.
And to a lesser extent (these days) KVET 98.1.
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Is this what you’re talking about jtb?
http://new.music.yahoo.com/jeff-talmadge/tracks/beyond-the-headlights–14397006
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johnthebasket Reply:
December 17th, 2010 at 2:37 pm
WB…
Thank you for finding that. I must have been high on some of the peyote I grow in my back yard. Yes, I feel like a dickbrain, but that doesn’t affect my gratitude to you. Tanks.
yours in Chirst…
johnthedumbshitbasket
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WB in OH Reply:
December 17th, 2010 at 2:50 pm
Well thank you for bringing me some interesting new music!
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Mad ducks and bears
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Hiroshima Head, with very special guest, Nagasaki Neck.
I may have found a new name for my band. (or two!) Thanks, Jeff! You’re a pal!
I don’t read books. Just because some douchebag can string a few words together, I’m supposed to read it? Sorry, I have a TV.
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Captain Beefheart dead at age of 69
Captain Beefheart and his Magic Band rose to prominence during the 1960s with an experimental brand of rock music that was inspired by the blues and featured offbeat rhythms and lyrics.
Their best known album is 1969′s “TroutMask Replica,” and while it was not a commercial hit, it won critical acclaim and is still considered among the most prominent art-rock albums ever made.
Vliet was born Jan. 15, 1941, in Glendale, Calif. As a teenager, he befriended Frank Zappa, whose own brand of experimental music became popular in the 1960s and 1970s.
Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band released their first album, “Safe as Milk,” in 1967, featuring songs with titles like “Zig Zag Wanderer” and “Abba Zaba.” While band members would change over the years, the group continued to crank out music through the 1970s up to 1982′s “Ice Cream for Crow.”
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I found a $100 bill once; unfortunately, with two kids, it pretty much vaporized the minute I got it home.
I can’t choose which funny book I love more, either “Fool” or “Lamb” by Christopher Moore. I never file them away on the bookshelf. I always keep them on the nightstand; they’re like my comedy security blanket.
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I will be using your amazon link later this week when I order a tablet for my daughter. She wanted an iPad but I just laughed at her. I thought I would surprise her with a tablet though. Anybody know a good brand that isn’t over $250? If I’m going to spend more than that I figure I should just get the damn iPad.
I think the most money I have found is a little over $20. My daughter found a wad of money that added up to $50 in a grocery store. She ended up spending it at the dollar store so she could get 50 toys instead of just two or three.
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Don’t remember who mentioned Celebration Ale but hats off to you. Most excellent!
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I need a full-size outline of a Les Paul or Telecaster. Just the body outline. I’ll send you a SASE if you want. Anyone?
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I also found money in Walmart . i was waiting in a longish line when I spotted a folded cople of tens on the floor close to the guy in front of me. I asked him if it was his, and he said no. So I picked it up, and gave him half, for his honesty.
Here’s something funny I read about the original True Grit movie. It was John Wayne’s idea to cast the horrible helmet-headed movie-ruining Glen Cambell as the Texas ranger. Right after that movie was shot, Glen starred in his next movie – an adaptation of Charles Portis’s Norwood, along with Kim Darby and Joe Namath.
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