Your End of Week Topic Dump, vol. 211

watermelon1I was in Wendy’s a little while ago (#1 with cheese, no pickles, and a Coke), and the woman in front of me wasn’t prepared when it was her turn.  This is an infraction, as detailed here, and I was sighing to beat the band.

Then, to add insult to fast food injury, she started using a phrase that bothers me.  Oh, it bothers me a great deal.  Here’s approximately how it went…

Her:  Does the 99 cent bacon burger come with onions?
Cashier:  No, only lettuce and mayonnaise.
Her:  Then I’ll do one of those.  And do you sell chocolate milk?
Cashier:  Yes.
Her:  OK, I’ll do two of those.

Do??  How does a person do milk?  And then she started phrasing everything as a question…

Her:  And can I do a fish sandwich?  And maybe an order of fries?  And can I get a small root beer to go with that?

What the hell?  Was she asking the cashier for permission?  I have a feeling ol’ Snaggles couldn’t have given a shit, one way or the other.

This went on for upwards of five minutes.  She eventually DID about twenty dollars worth of food, and each item was agonized over.  By the time she was finished a huge line had piled up, and everyone was staring at her with agitated expressions.

A little longer and all that negative mental energy would’ve likely compounded, and the woman would’ve burst into flames.  But, unfortunately, we came up a bit short of our goal.  Dammit!

A few days ago I asked for your funniest funeral stories, and, as usual, you guys didn’t disappoint.  Lots of hilarious tales.  But I forgot to tell you mine…  How’s that for scattered?

Back in the late 1980s or early 1990s one of my grandmother’s sisters died.  The service was held outside, under a giant tent, of sorts.

The family was sitting in the front row — mostly other sisters and assorted spouses.  And when one of the sisters (the biggest of the litter) flopped-down, an entire row of people went over backwards!

The chairs were hooked together in some way, and shared armrests.  And the next thing you know there’s a loud gasp, and nothing but a row of dress shoes sticking straight up in the air…

God, I’m about to soil myself just thinking about it.

On Monday they were going to bring in a ton of ice cream at work, and have a “social” for the employees.  They do that sort of thing from time to time, which is nice.  I’ve worked for companies that didn’t do anything extra, whatsoever.

Anyway, I’ve been bitching about the traffic on I-81 South for the last couple of weeks, and think some of my co-workers believed I was exaggerating.  Most of ‘em live within five miles of the place, and don’t know anything about the interstate nightmare in their own backyard.  Which, of course, doesn’t stop them from having an opinion, anyway.

But guess what happened?  That’s right, the truck with all the ice cream inside got stuck in one of those big cluster-fucks, and everything melted.  Completely and absolutely, we heard.

“Told ya,” I said, and walked away in smug triumph.

Is the Surf Report a blog?  What do you think?  For years I’ve resisted believing so, because that word is stupid and I didn’t really want to be associated with it.  But I think I’m softening on the position, and might allow the phrase to be spoken without retribution.

Any opinions on this most pressing of issues?

And while we were having our deck feast over the weekend, Toney brought out a gigantic bowl of watermelon cut into chunks.  Yum.

I dropped my booger-hooks in there, and grabbed holt of one.  Then I snagged the salt shaker with my left hand, and started putting salt on the watermelon.

And Toney hollered, “What in the name of the Holy Savior on a hand truck are you doing?!”  Or something along those lines.

But I was baffled by her question.  What did she mean?  I was merely salting my melon (not a sexual euphemism).  What was the problem?

Apparently this isn’t a common practice outside the motherland of West Virginia?  I don’t know.  And it seems a little strange that it’s never been discussed, during sixteen years of marriage.  But it’s never come up, that I can remember.

We started talking about it, and she wanted to know what other “weird stuff” I put salt on.  It’s a difficult question to answer, ’cause none of it’s weird to me.  The best I could do was pepper on cantaloupe.  That also blew Toney’s mind.

What do you think about that?  Are those things weird?  I mean, seriously.  I’m mildly offended.

Also, have you had any similar conversations, about salt or pepper on “weird” foods?  A regional thing, or just a personal preference…?  Tell us about it in the comments.

And I’ll leave you now with a few requests:

Please consider writing a Friday Guest Mock for mockable.org.  Metten and I would like to turn it into a weekly feature.  Taiwan On has written three so far, and I posted one of his today — a day early.  Why not join him?  Just email it to mockable[at]gmail dotcom.

Also I’ve got plenty of t-shirts remaining, so get your orders in.  I’m fixin’ to make a post office run, so now’s the time for a lightning fast turnaround.

And finally, if you’re on Twitter, I’d be much obliged if you could start following my tweets (and I used to have a problem with “blog”??).  Here’s my page.  Follow me, and I’ll follow you…

That does it.  You guys have yourselves a fine weekend.

And I’ll see you on Monday.

Now playing in the bunker.

Follow the Surf Report at Facebook!

237 Responses to “Your End of Week Topic Dump, vol. 211”

  1. cool

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  2. Deuce!

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  3. “And while we were having our deck feast over the weekend”

    I read “deck feast” as “dick feast”, read it again correctly, then said “heh heh, dick feast” in a Butt-head voice in my own skull. Awesome.

    I’m nearing 32 years old. Will this sort of thing end, or do I get to ride it until I get my very own casket?

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  4. Doose!!!!

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  5. Vietnamese chili sauce on scrambled eggs. Start your day with a BANG.

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  6. SonofaBBBBB.

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  7. I’ve heard about people putting salt on watermelon, but always believed it to be an urban myth.

    Happy Thursday, Surfers!

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  8. duck fest

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  9. My dad used to salt his canteloupe. He’s originally from a small town in north-central Pennsylvania, so I think salting a melon is sort of a “hick” thing. (And the whole state of West Virginia is “hick,” so there ya go.)

    And I can remember being in small-town shot-&-a-beer taprooms 30 or so years ago, and a salt shaker would be on the bar. Not for salting one’s purple pickled egg (which there would be a huge glass jar of behind the bar), but for salting your beer. Yes, the same types of people who would salt their canteloupe would also salt their beer. Very odd.

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  10. sugar on sliced tomatos…did the watermelon/ salt thing before. Kinda ok…no harm

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  11. I think Jeff’s concerned that he’s a blogger. It sounds like a derogatory term….haha.

    On Twitter today, I posted my 1000th update, and it was to Jeff.

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  12. Weird. My dad is also originally from that part PA and he also salts cantaloupe. To be fair, he puts salt on almost everything.

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  13. hiya

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  14. As I am originally from Wellsburg, WVa, salting watermelon is completely normal.

    I recall cousins visiting from Washington DC as a kid, and they put sugar on their watermelon. I remember thinking that was strange.

    And, no, I don’t put salt in beer, but I will do shot and a beer. We called them boilermakers.

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  15. Dammit! Stupid work got in the way of 3 in a row.

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  16. If it is not a blog it is blogish. Don’t mean I don’t love it either way.

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  17. Yes, salted melon is fucking nasty, and you ought to be ashamed.

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  18. Top 20, oh well…

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  19. I think it’s more of a bloggy thing than a bloggish thing.

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  20. web·log (w?b’lôg’, -l?g’)
    n. A website that displays in chronological order the postings by one or more individuals and usually has links to comments on specific postings.

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  21. @ junkfood – Yeah, somewhere abou 40 it will stop. See the Mockable post…

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  22. Hey Jeff,

    I’m going to see Wreckless Eric tonight at Barley’s Taproom in Knoxpatch. Don’t know why he’s in these part of the woods but figure he won’t be back so a few of us are going over to see him and have a few PBR stovepipes.

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  23. Try to stay away from salt but I love pepper and am going to try it with can’t elope (I don’t have a ladder – bad knock knock joke).

    Annoying fast food stuff – If I go to a drive through – I always find myself asking for it ‘to go’ – WTF.

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  24. “….walked away in smug triumph.”

    Beautiful.

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  25. I lightly salt my watermelon. I pepper my french fries – no salt, but that’s probably not considerd weird, right?
    I like parmesan cheese on popcorn sometimes.

    I loved your funny funeral story, Jeff. Had my thumb on my trackball and scrollbar while I was laughing and the screen was all over the place! par for the course while reading your blog.

    I read several blogs regularly but this is the only one that I read every last comment. You’re building a little community here and I like it.

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  26. Salt on watermelon is also a common practice where I grew up (North Fla), but pepper and cantalope represents a potentially dangerous combination. I wouldn’t be surprised if we end up finding out that this is what killed MJ (a pepper shaker and slices of cantalope were found adjacent to his lifeless body).

    Oh, and I vote “yes” on blog.

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  27. Good Afternoon Surf Reporters!!

    Thanks JK for another fine update, it broke the solid chain of monotony that is my life(at least today!)

    I’m Western PA born -n- bred, I’ve seen other people do the salt on watermelon, but not me. Actually not a big fan of watermelon in the first place
    However,
    my dad, as well as I, put salt on sour green(Granny Smith) apples. We’re the only people I know who do that.
    I also like to put pepper on my pizza.
    And if roast beef or baked ham is on the dinner table, you’re damn sure I’ll be loading up with the horseradish. I’ll even put horseradish on certain sammiches.

    One last odd culinary treat, dad eats peanut butter and onion sandwiches. I could never go that route.

    but *shrugs* if the shoe fits……

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  28. I just wish it was the appropriate Thursday to make up untrue stories about Lincoln (missed out on that one).

    ….like that time when ole’ honest Abe decided to steal a cheesecake truck…………

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  29. @Lee H R – Are you saying I shouldn’t try this – kind of like coke and menthos????

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  30. My mom always told me that salting watermelon or cantelope helps to “bring out the sweetness in it”. I’ve seen lots of people salt beer. And I loves me some brussels sprouts with blue cheese dressing on it. Slices of seedless cucumber on any kind of lunchmeat sammich makes it taste fresher.

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  31. Like Hardoxdan, my dad is also from Wellsburg, WV. He salts watermelon, cantaloupe, honeydew, and his beer. Although I don’t participate, I never thought it was weird.

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  32. Work with a guy who, when eating fries at a fast food restaurant would start by emptying 2-3 ketchup (catsup) packets on his tray then completely cover it with salt, I’m talking snow white, then dump 2-3 more catsup (ketchup) packets on top. Stir it up with a couple of fries and go to town on em’.

    The over 70 crowd around my parts like to sprinkle a little salt in their draft beer after a few drinks when the head disappears.

    I like pepper on my fries.

    We always salted cantelope at home growing up.

    Blog? hmm “if the shoe fits”

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  33. Oh, and I don’t know how you “do” milk, but seems to me someone around here is an expert on doing cheese!

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  34. Yep, salt on watermelon and granny smiths, pepper on cantaloupe. I like salt and pepper on tomatoes instead of sugar though.

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  35. BodaciousLog!!

    People in GA salt watermelon, cantalope, apples and even peaches…

    Banana sammiches! Slices of banana with lots of mayo!

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  36. Too much structured elements to be considered a “blog” as it is currently understood. The WVSR is more of a web “event” I believe.

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  37. I’ve seen people salt watermelon before. I tried it and I don’t see the appeal. I was at a little shithole cafe the other day and the guy at the table next to mine ordered a slice of apple pie “with lots of cheddar melted over it.” The waitress didn’t blink at all, so I guess it’s a normal thing. I’d never heard of such. Putting cheese on apple pie. Re-goddamn-diculous.

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  38. Jason – you been sleeping? People speaking of ‘doing food’ (cheese).

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  39. I salt watermelon and grapefruit. And Jason, a lot of New Yorkers always have cheddar on their apple pie.

    Perhaps you’d prefer Web-log instead of the short version? A rose by any other name – and all that.

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  40. @Jason…I’ll say… cheeder cheese melted on apple pie without a scoop of vanilla ice cream is re-goddamn-sacrilege!!!

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  41. all i can say is….you people eat some weird shit.

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  42. Hey Leanne,

    I’m having computer problems. I was on holt with AT&T for about 2 hours yesterday. Seems a “cable is down”, whatever that means. So I’m on the Got-damn dial up at the moment. Everything is SLOW.

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  43. Missed your posts. You should look a few days back – Hilarious….. Pokes at you and no response….

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  44. My pop puts a slice or two of cheddar cheese (unmelted) on his apple pie. Maybe it’s a New England thing…

    The WVSR is a blog. And Jeff, you know it. Come out of the closet.

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  45. My hubby puts pepper on cantaloupe and salt on watermelon. But I’ve seen lots of people salt watermelon. Not so odd around here.
    I like to put salt on cucumbers and apple slices. When I was a kid I would dip each bite of my apple slice in salt. I prefered it over caramel.

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  46. I eat salt on watermelon and apples and tomatoes. I also like to eat apple slices with slices of cheese. i somehow totally grossed out my neighbors by grabbing a tomato out of the garden and eating like an apple. That’s not a big deal right? I’ve done the salt in the ketchup thing too. Sometimes salt doesn’t stick well to french fries so putting in the ketchup helps. Never eaten anything on my cantaloupe though.

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  47. I just tried salt on a watermelon after reading these post’s and it tasted like a friggin cucumber which is fine, if I was eating a cucumber. The weirdest thing I ever ate was oatmeal (real thick) on toast with a little mustard, that was all I had in the house but I didn’t go hungry.

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  48. I’m originally from Missouri and we always salted watermellon. I have thought for years that every business should have separate lines for male and female. They could check out 7 0r 8 guys in the time it takes one female to check out. Same thing happens in public restrooms.

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  49. I thought salt on cantelope was the nastiest thing I’d ever tried, but my Brat (mate/man/pick a title) kept salting the stuff until the taste grew on me. In southern maryland, where I grew up, it was absolutely unheard of.

    Also, I eat liverwurst with cheese, mayo and mustard. And tuna with mayo, mustard, lemon juice, lemon pepper, and cheese…I’m told this is not right…

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  50. I like peanut butter on my apple. Apples, cheese, crackers and grapes is a common “cheese board” offering. I love fooder topics. I’ll get to the blog thing later. Got all weekend, huh? Going to the store before they close.

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  51. No pickles on hamburgers, cheese on apple pie, what is the world coming to. My dad loved to put apple jelly on his sausage biscuit.

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  52. Jeff that is so funy, I just moved to New Orleans, (those of you that read his blog and went to school with us know who this is), and we had that same salt/watermelon conversation Monday. They thought I was crazy, and they suck the heads of crawfish. And funny, I dont’ know anybody else from the big town of Dunbar who “blogs”. LOL!

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  53. @Taiwan On – does your dad drive a NY taxicab?

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  54. I had an uncle (great-uncle actually) who was from down Carolina way (I’m not sure which one) and he would salt his grapefruit. Most of the older folks in my family also salted apples and would never consider a slice of apple pie with out OLD cheddar cheese and/or vanilla ice cream.

    Salting of draft beer comes from back in the old days before pressurized draft fittings when beer was conditioned in kegs. Back then the CO2 levels were somewhat unpredictable and occasionally kegs would seem flat. The salt causes the CO2 to come out of solution and make the beer bubble so it doesn’t seem as flat. Same trick works if you pour a glass and forget about it for a couple of hours.

    I got trapped in line at Tim Hortons one morning behind some dimwitted housefrau who was ordering a dozen and didn’t put any thought into her selection until she was at the counter. Then she asked questions about literally every doughnut they had: “Walnut crunch…Do those have walnuts in them?”, “Why is it called a honey cruller? Is it made with real honey?” At the time I was in the Army Reserves and was in uniform so I was in no position to set her shit straight, but to this day I’d like to hoof her in her wizened old coont.

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  55. Oh, as a kid I’d put mustard on crackers for some reason…

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  56. I salt watermelon and sour apples, tomato slices get salt and pepper.

    I like to put fritos or apple slices on peanut butter sandwiches (no jelly – blech!).

    I put vinegar on greens (mustard, collards, etc.).

    I love pickles and anything pickled: okra, green beans, etc. I also love, love, love boiled peanuts and order them over the internet because I can’t find them here.

    Also, @ Swami Bologna – WV is not “all hicks”…. I feel a need to stand up for the state, even though I’m not originally from here. My husband and kids were all born here, though and they are not hicks. :-)

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  57. I’m home now with the fast connection, so I’ll check on the little pokes from the last few days.

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  58. My parents (spawn of western PA, as am I) put salt on their watermelon. I don’t particularly like watermelon, but I’ll do sour apples.

    It’s not just a blog…it’s an ADVANCED blog.

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  59. Salt on watermelon sugar on tomatoes. Grew up in NEPA.

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  60. Salt on watermelon? Never tried it, but I think I will next time I have watermelon. Salt most definitely belongs on fresh tomatoes.@Susan in NWPA, the absolute best fresh tomatoes are straight out of the garden, still warm from the sun. How could anyone be grossed out by that?

    Weird stuff: When I was a wee lad I liked sammiches of peanut butter and margarine; one day, maybe in 4th grade, I was in the middle of eating one and realized, “jeez, this is disgusting!” Haven’t had one since. Sometimes I will dunk fries in mayo. If I have leftover gravy in the morning, it’s delicious over scrambled eggs (heat the gravy first of course). Cheese and fruit is generally a good combo – I’m thinking apples or pears or melons with a nice (salty!) cheddar or similar, maybe a Gruyere. The other month I tried some chocolate that came sprinkled with sea salt, and it was kick-ass.

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  61. I put salt on on all my melons. Got that habit from my mom. Serves two purposes 1) makes it taste better 2) keeps Dave in Seattle from eating my melon!! I’m going to try the pepper on canteloupe, have some in the fridge right now. I like salt and lots of pepper on my fries. I also HAVE to have some type of steak sauce on my steak. I don’t care if it is a $5 steak or $50 steak. I also put salt on my raw potatoes…does anyone else eat raw potatoes? Dave in Seattle says they will give me worms…

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  62. oops I meant Dave in Sammamish. I don’t know fellow poster Dave in Seattle. really. never met him… I swear. Yeah, no?

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  63. My wife made some chocolate covered bacon for me after I saw it on the Food Network. She fried the bacon crisp, dipped it in chocolate, and sprinkled chopped almonds on top of that. Frikken delicious, I shit you not.

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  64. Blog? Blog? I told my parole officer the WSVR was rehab! North of the Border we tend to salt our Beer, salt & Vinegar on our fries(Never pepper!) but salt on watermellon what kind of ungodly act is that? Jeff i know you were looking for new names fot the family but calling Toney: Cheese & the secrets: no pickle and a coke I’m just not sure about!

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  65. @Rhea…yeah…it’s not right. Anything that discusting is only made right with sardines or anchovies. Then it’s like…..eclectic….. (mints optional)

    Crap….now I gotta go back to the store…..

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  66. and down in here in NC, we put vinegar on our pork.

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  67. @ Shiny Rod:

    “and down in here in NC, we put vinegar on our pork”

    Please explain with details. I may find this new development intriguing and delicious

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  68. They vinegar their pork in Alabama too. I think it’s terrible, but I’m used to Texas BBQ

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  69. Shiny Rod what you guys call BBQ is just scary! you all need a trip to Memphis for some Blues & Beque!

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  70. Jason,
    you can buy chocolate with bacon in it here. I must have looked at that package a dozen times before I finally tried it. I love salty/sweet together. Ben & Jerry’s Chubby Hubby is my favorite ice cream – vanilla ice cream swirled w/salted peanut butter with chocolate covered peanut butter filled salted pretzels in it. Awesome!

    Pickes, BTW, do NOT belong in food. They’re fine on their own, but not on a burger. no way no how.

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  71. Jeff,
    By your own admission in the Resources link leads the arrows to this:

    WordPress is a free and open source blog publishing application and Content Management System.

    So yes, it is a blog.

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  72. @ Pagan – Shane’s has been here for about 4 years and they just opened up a Woody’s. We’ve had Red Hot and Blues here for quite awhile. The vinegar stuff is ok but I prefer the Texas or Memphis style. I went into Food Lion the other day and purchased a container of pre-cut catalope and the clerk asked me if I was going to put salt and pepper on my melon. You should have seen the look I gave her. But she was kinda cute and in her 30′s so I smiled and said no way. Then she said you should try it hun.

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  73. @ Knucklehead – I will stick to the Cherry Garcia thank you…

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  74. @ Tyrosine – Its actually a thin mix of apple cider vinegar, ketchup (mostly for color), brown sugar, a little salt and red pepper flakes. Those are the basics but they vary from the eastern to the western regions and taste. I think I have a no smoke recipe for the pork too.

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  75. I like my Frosted Flakes in a bed of Tartar sauce, covered with thick sliced pepperoni and then broiled. Joke. Salt on watermelon? WTF is the World coming to?

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  76. Salt on watermelon and canteloupe? Yes.

    Cheddar on apple pie? Yes.

    Apples with cheese and/or peanut butter? Yes.

    Never tried an apple with salt, but hey. Why not?

    Nothing anyone mentioned sounded weird to me. Maybe I grew up eating weird stuff anyway.

    I’ve never liked fruit in cottage cheese. Salt and pepper (and when I was a kid, vinegar) on cottage cheese.

    I read a recipe once for something called “Pig Candy.” Roll slices of bacon in brown sugar, then broil. Didn’t try it, but it sounded interesting.

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  77. have never heard of the salt and melon trick and I am from Chicago. I have had saltines with soft butter..you know real butter left out till soft…is that weird?? does butter go bad?? not sure but I don’t get sick. salt tomatoes and cucumbers. then eat them with ranch. kinda defeats the healthy part of the produce. My hubby eats jelly and mayo sandwiches on white bread. its not right. lol

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  78. @diane…pineapple and cottage cheese or peaches and cottage cheese…..YUM!

    Also would have a cantalope half, seeds scooped out and replaced by ample scoops of vanilla ice cream. Hot summer night treat!!!

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  79. Casey – I love saltines with soft butter!

    Jelly & mayo sandwiches? I’m going to have nightmares about that!

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  80. Another WVian here, and salt on watermelon has always been the way to go. I just asked my wife, who is from outside Pittsburgh, about it, and she looked at me like I told her I want to drink my own urine. So, apparently, only people from WV are enlightened to this particular fact of life.

    Pepper on cantaloupe, though, that’s frakkin’ weird.

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  81. @ DTO – Ditto on the cottage cheese and just about any fruit.

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  82. Salting beer is fine, as long as it is

    A) draft beer
    B) lager
    C) mass produced crap

    It gives it something I like to call “flavor”

    I have not done this in years. Like Jeff, I stay away from the coors and budweisers.

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  83. @ Shiny Rod:

    Thanks, I’ll try that. I’ve got a couple of pork tenderloins in the fridge right now just waiting to get slathered in something tasty and nomed.

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  84. @ DTO – “color commentary”, that made me laugh…Thanks

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  85. @ CBS:

    No need to salt. All mass produced beers in North America are carbonated in the bright tank after filtering, so they should never be flat. If you’re at a bar and they serve you flat draft beer leave because one of the following has happened:

    1. They haven’t had their lines cleaned (yuck!).
    2. The tap jocky is incompetent and has his pressure is off.
    3. The keg is old and the bar is too cheap to change it until it blows dry (yuck!)
    4. They are recycling beer (fucking yuck!)
    5. Their glasses are greasy because they’re not washing them correctly (yuck!)

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  86. My boyfriend is from Indiana, and he puts salt on his cantaloupe slices; he said he learned it from a guy who grew up in West Virginia (!)

    My dad used to slice bananas into pint cups of sour cream and devour the whole thing (I *hate* sour cream…blech).

    When I was a kid I would eat peanut butter and banana or banana and cheese sandwiches. Haven’t had one in years…I am going into the kitchen, now…

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  87. My mom was from the hills of south central VA. She salted her watermelon too. Must be a country thang….

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  88. Salt on watermelon, and any melon for that fact, is almost a necessity. I’m from, and still live in, WV, and haven’t ever had pepper on a cantaloupe. I’ve never seen such a thing. I am going to try it now just for shits and giggles.

    One of my college roommates used to put pepper on the cherry dessert in his TV dinner. Disgusting. He also used to squeeze the packet of “icing” for a Toaster Strudel into a small pile in the very center of the strudel. Didn’t eat around it and save the best bite for last like I would anticipate, just ate it all regular and hit icing when it coincided with his bite. I know, not that interesting, but it still blows my mind and is one of those things I’ll never forget, despite the excessive consumption. May have been the Morgantown medicine.

    Susan – a fresh tomato right off the vine in one hand, and a camp salt shaker in the other, eaten like an apple, is the best meal on the planet.

    JR – I love raw potatoes just coated in salt. Like tomatoes, can be eaten like an apple. Probably like them better that way than cooked.

    Using cottage cheese as a dip for Doritos is not better than sex. Its damn close though.

    Regional WV favorites – Ramps and pepperoni rolls. Not necessarily (that was the first time I ever typed necessarily without getting the red underline indicating that I’m a dipshit, I’m so proud) together mind you. But both delicious and fairly localized.

    Another great combination, me and beer. Perhaps too good, as evidenced by the lengthy incoherent rambling. Time for another.

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  89. @ Tyrosine

    There is no flavor whatsoever in major domestic beers. The salt tricks me into thinking there is.

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  90. I’m pretty sure this is just a regional thing…

    I’m a New Mexican, born and raised, and lemme tell you…

    We put green chile on fuckin’ everything. Hell, we put RED chile on fuckin’ everything. Bagels, pizza, matzo balls… you name it, we’ve probably put chile on it.

    Our state question (Like state bird, song, etc) is “Red or green?”

    So, I’m pretty sure we’re all actually just a bunch of drug addicts, out drug being the hella huge endorphin rush that you get from putting a shit-ton of green chile on everything.

    [Reply]

  91. Clumsy fingers…

    “out drug” = “our drug”

    [Reply]

  92. Yeah, looks like it’s southern and eastish for the salt on melon thing. NC is where I learned about it.

    @DTO Bugger it, now you’ve made me want to add anchovies to my tuna and liverwurst horrors…

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  93. Salt on watermellon? Holy hell. What’s next? Apple butter in chicken noodle soup? Mayo on peaches? Bacon slices dipped in wasabi?

    I think all this “blog” talk is going to your head… Get some rest…

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  94. No salt on the watermelon here (I’m from the Philadelphia area). Never heard of it until now. I do salt my tomatoes and green onions, sometimes eat banana with peanut butter, love cream cheese and grape jam sandwiches, and enjoy cottage cheese mixed up with applesauce or apple butter.

    Jeff, this is totally a blog. Sit your inner high-falutin’ hipster down and have The Talk, because there’s just no escaping it. And just be glad they’re called a “blog” and not something even cornier, like “o-jo”. That sounds like something Nostrils would say.

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  95. Wow, it’s 11pm and I’m about to hit the fridge now.

    beer with Fanta Orange
    popcorn in tomato soup
    tequila with orange and cinnamon
    fries with mayo, never ketchup
    toast with cheese (Camembert or Gruyere) and raspberry jam
    peanut butter, banana, and honey sandwich on white bread (pure goo in your teeth)

    Chocolate-covered bacon sounds like the breakfast of champions. Two of my favorite foods in one bite. Gonna have to give it a try.

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  96. Defined: Is it a blog?
    (that dirty word)

    I think that blog became a dirty word
    when any monkey with a keyboard
    could have their corner of the web

    YES. THIS. IS. A. BLOG
    Why?
    You post about life as it happens to you.

    What separates you from the rest
    is that THIS is a GOOD blog.

    Dirty word or not
    YOU are a KING of these DIRTY WORDS
    blog on. brother. blog on.

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  97. @ Joey Jo Jo – No, my dad does not drive a taxicab in NY, but that’s a rather bizarre question. I don’t get it.

    Forgot to mention, some of the stuff that I eat and enjoy over here now is stuff that I never would have tried 30 years ago. Just today, I was mildy excited when I learned that the soup in my lunch combo was miso soup with tofu. Back in the day, I wouldn’t have gone near it.

    But some of the stuff that the locals consume, well, it makes a jelly and mayo sandwich look like vanilla ice cream.

    [Reply]

  98. Jason – in a school cookery class, I made apple pie using cheese pastry … Though that was back in the 80s and I’ve never made it since.

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  99. Blog- Yes.

    I mix maple syrup with butter, but not too much, because the butter has to be left in large chunks, and eat it on toast. Makes my wife throw up a little in her mouth.

    Salt on watermelon- never ate it any other way. Also like salt on raw apples and raw tomatoes.

    I don’t understand that whole lime in beer thing, though.

    Did you know- Average person spends on hour and six minutes commuting every day?

    On IPOD right now- “Empire”- Queensryche

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  100. Sorry thats ONE hour and six minutes. Stayed up late and watched six consecutive “Dexter” episodes last night.

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  101. @ CBS:

    That’s why you shouldn’t drink major brands. Technically they’re not beer anyway: hardcore beer fanatics (like those found in Bavaria) don’t consider something beer if its primary ingredients were ANYTHING other than malt, water, hops, and yeast. In fact this is traditional German law (The Reinheitsgebot, which was enforced until 1987). In North America almost all major brands contain corn and rice (the breweries claim it’s for “unique flavour” but the real reason is to save money), and thus brands such as Coors, Budweiser, Labatt’s Blue, Molson Canadian, etc. are not beer by the traditional definition. I’ve gotta side with the traditionalists on this one. Corn and rice really weaken the flavour in my opinion, and wheat beers are just wrong. Besides there are too many good smaller brands to waste time on the big names. If you drink Bud because you like the flavour it’s time to face the facts that you just don’t like beer.

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  102. Pepper in beer is a favorite at the Hunky Club that I go to. Tried it and not bad at all. JCIII horseradish fresh made at the grocery store on Duss in Ambridge is the hottest you’ve ever had. I mule cases of the stuff for my friends..takes your fucking breath away.

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  103. have german grandparents…ate all kinds of weird crap: cannibal sandwiches, cow tongue, fought over who got to suck the marrow from the bone in soup… but never salted my watermelon you sick freak :)

    [Reply]

  104. HERE’S SOMETHING TO READ TODAY- I know it’s not as interesting as Jeff’s stuff, but it’s something to think about:

    The Old Days

    July 10, 2009

    When I was a kid, everyone talked about how much better it was in “the old days”. By that, they meant 20, 30 or even 40 years prior, depending on who was speaking about it. My great grandfather often spoke about how great the 1920’s were. I could never get a handle on that, since there were not any of the conveniences then that I enjoyed as a kid, like color TV. It was a big deal when we got our color TV. I guess they just had radio in the 1920’s. That must have sufficed, if that was all you were used to.
    In the late 90’s, I began to feel that nostalgia, lamenting for the late 60’s and early 70’s, and a much simpler time in life. I thought about it so much that I became clinically depressed, since I could not do anything about it. Life had gotten way complicated- the challenge of making a second marriage work better than the first one. The challenge of another new child. The challenge to just make ends meet anymore had become time consuming and interfered with the other challenges. I got over it and made things work. I don’t miss the late 60’s and early 70’s anymore.

    The “good old days” to me now, and the times I miss most are the early 2000’s. Things were so much fucking simpler in 2000 and 2001, until the day the world changed. Getting in a plane with a guy wearing a diaper on his head was no big deal. You could walk right in line and get in the plane. No problem. The Trade Center was still on the skyline of Manhattan. Gas cost about $1.49 per gallon. I would probably say the best years of my recent life were those two years. Then it all got fucked up.

    Does anyone know anymore good Michael Jackson is Dead jokes? It really irks my wife and co-workers.

    Again, on the time trip to 2000-2001, have any of you besides me and Bill from WV been visiting this site for that long? Do you remember the puke green forum board? Remember some of those posters like MsDeniseWight, who always had something interesting to say? How about Ed Singer, who trashed this site (or blog, as it is) every time he logged on, so much that Jeff has to threaten him with the Ed Singer eradicator that came with the site? How ‘bout Berg? How ‘bout Larry, who I think still lurks here a little. Used to type posts with his nutsack and it looked something like this… mcx ydtujrurur8rjuj..? Oh shit, I think an engineer just saw me through the window.

    I’d be happier if I could just get back there…to that point in time. If Sherman and Peabody brought the Wayback Machine to your home, when would you like them to set it for before you entered?

    My foot’s asleep..now it will be up all night.

    Did you know- There were 91 Sherman and Peabody episodes?

    On IPOD right now- “Frank’s Wild Years”- Tom Waits

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  105. @NDfaninAZ – What’s your Twitter handle? Just clink my link for mine.

    @Son of Sam – Oh man I’m there! The shit that waters your eyes, makes you sweat and blows your sinuses out of your ears? Oh hell yes!!
    We grew horseradish one year and the damn stuff took over the garden. We culled about 15 lbs. worth and started the process. Even with all the windows open and fans running, we really should have been wearing respirators too. Like chopping onions x 100.
    The pure white was too much, toned the rest down with beets. Cool purple color, still ass kickin’ hot and totally delicious!~

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  106. to awg
    i’ve been on here since 2002 or so. early (cuyler). i remember your posts, mettens, and randi’s. what happened to her? murdered by her jerk boyfriend/granny?

    only other ‘blog’ i been with this long is the DBT blog, and those guys are pretty much all dicks now.

    [Reply]

  107. Oh yeah, I had forgotten about Randi. Now I remember her boyfriend liked to piss on her.

    Did you know- Both the ancient Egyptians and the Aztecs rubbed urine on their skin to treat cuts and burns?

    On IPOD right now- “Fall is Just Something Grownups Invented”- The Hives

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  108. In Utah (just moved here), there is something called ‘fry sauce’ that comes with french fries in most local fast food and diner joints. It is basically mayo and ketchup mixed (with perhaps a little worcestershire sauce tossed in for some additional tangy flavor). Folks here think it is the bees knees (Beehive state). Also, a scone here is basically a fried bread variety served with a large dollop of butter on top and a side of honey. Sort of like a large, hot, unsweetened, buttered donut with the sweetener on the side. You gotta go to a local dive to get fries with the fry sauce or a scone like that described above.

    My secret fry sauce recipe: Cardini’s Caesar dressing mixed with Sriracha (chili) sauce. Trust me on this one.

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  109. As a treat in my yout…..Mom would make baloney sammiches with butter, yellow mustard and a layer of Lay’s potato chips….to die for!!!

    Seen the whole salt on watermellon, pepper on cantalope thing. My sister puts salt in her beer for “better head” she says….heh. Mom use to eat Limburger cheese and onion sammiches… the only thing to come near her after that concoction is flys.

    My stand on pickles…anytime, anywhere, and xtra on my burger! In fact you’ll find me bellied up to the olive/pickle bar at the grocery store anytime I’m there. That’s the shiz-nit!!

    [Reply]

  110. @ AngryWhiteGuy – I was an occasional reader back then but didn’t start posting comments until a couple years ago. Didn’t really have much to say but the stories were hilarious. My best friend Jim turned me on to the surf report and I am still hooked. Kinda of like some West Virginina crack or such. I miss some of the old gang and its nice to hear from them every now and then. Jeezum crow, “old gang” sounds like I’m sending them to a retirement home or something. The dot.com bubble burst and Y2K seem to be easing up back then and the 911 and GW changed the entire landscape. I want to consider that my best days are ahead of me, but that of course depends on how long I remain single.

    Oh yeah, I remember Sherman and Peabody and the Wayback Machine from the Rocky and Bullwinkle show. Did you know the voice of Rocky was a woman? Not much I would change for myself, maybe marrying a Ms Right instead of the Ms right now. Maybe go back to last Friday and warn Brynhildr not to go to any BBQ’s that weekend. Could have stayed with the Seal training but most of those guys ended up dickhead alcoholics now. I like where I’m at now though. Well back to the spreadsheets and technical policies and standards.

    Playing on the iPOD right now – “Shot Clock” – Four80East

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  111. @ Tyrosine

    We are saying the same thing. In the very very unfortunate event that I am forced to drink major domestic beer I salt it. This is the only time
    I do this. I would have to say it has been 7 or 8 years since the last time that nasty swill has touched my lips.

    I would never salt a good beer. I only salt bad ones to give it flavor.

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  112. I’m onboard with salted raw potato, thought that I was the only one.

    Also, canteloupe with sugar, not salt.

    I never liked watermelonin the first place, but I don’t think I’ve heard of salting it before.
    I gotta get out more often.

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  113. uh-oh what have I done? I posted some likes to favorite blogs and now everything’s hinky.

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  114. Jeezum crow, reading all these different concoctions, peanut butter and sardine sammiches and such are really testing my gag reflex. I mean I must have lived the Beaver Clever life when it came to foods. Well, I guess the Italian and German influences when I was growing up may have seemed weird to others but that was where we lived in New Jersey, with German and Italians. Liverwurst and onion sammiches and meatball subs were the shizzle then. My travels about the world made me try different ethnic foods but I still stay with the mainstream stuff. I now love Hawiian, Thai, Vietmanese and Korean and brother, that can be some gross looking stuff. Those Hawiians know there way around Spam, yum…

    Playing on the iPOD right now – “Better Days” – Incognito

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  115. Obviously I’m not allowed to do that for good reason. I don’t want to get reprimanded and told never try that again!

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  116. @ Lee Harvey Ramone – Ketchup, whorechester sauce, that sounds like Heinz 57 Steak Sauce to me….

    [Reply]

  117. A co-worker brought in a gourmet chocolate bar with bacon – it was yummy. It had tiny crispy bits in it. mmmm I’m intrigued by the “Pig Candy.” might try that.

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  118. I’m going to digress of a second. Anyone recall our conversation about the French?

    http://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyleMolt/idUSTRE56829Z20090709

    I actually snorted when I read this part: “The French don’t go abroad very much. We’re lucky enough to have a country which is magnificent in terms of its landscape and culture.”

    Ok, that’s all. Carry on talking about food.

    [Reply]

  119. @ JCIII – Yeah, Jeff polices that religously. You can link youtube and photos but other blogs are strictly verboten, tabu, etc. ‘cuse me, it’s kinda hard to type with a lighter in one hand, nodding my head, and rockin to Robin.

    Playing on the iPOD right now – “Too Rolling Stoned” – Robin Trower

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  120. My dad used to put salt on watermelon. I never got it. That’s like salting a Snickers bar.

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  121. OOOH yeah… Fresh Buffalo Mozzarella cheese with fresh tomatoes, salted and/or with a vinegarette. Killer! Not a big fan of black pepper.

    For a quick snack when nothing is in the fridge….ketchup on saltines. I crave salt an that will take care of it. Was never big on sweets for some reason. Given the choice of a bag of Lay’s potato chips or ice cream. Give me the chips….I’ll not only polish off the chips, I’ll lick the inside of the bag.

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  122. I just googled “pig candy recipe” to see what came up, and all of a sudden I wondered what kind of fat-ass thought that pairing salted pork strips with various sugary items was at all necessary. I mean, pig alone is bad enough, but then you go and add in the extra calories in sugar or the extra fat in chocolate? The more I think about it, the more disturbing it becomes. Yet, if we’re all marching towards death anyway, why not be like a moth to a flame, right? I’m not sure what to do here.

    [Reply]

  123. @ Brynhildr – I did the same and the porn filters went wild…Jus joking, I think thats one item that will remain a mystery to me along with a grilled bacon, banana, marshmellow fluff sammich.

    Playing on the iPOD right now – “You were meant for me” – Michael Franks (now that is freaky)

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  124. Brynhildr,
    Do eeet! Doooo eeeet! Our homemade chocolate covered bacon things were super. She melted chocolate chips in a double boiler (broiler?) whatever, and then dipped the bacon in the chocolate and sprinkled almonds on top. The key is to cook the bacon until crisp, drain it well and let it cool before giving it the chocolate bath.

    I found this site via “The Mountain” and for a long time I didn’t know about the blog part. Then I read the “blog” for several years before making any post. I remember visiting the forum a couple of times, never posted there either. So there you have it. And now I won’t shut the fuck up. ;o)

    [Reply]

  125. @ Jason – Glad to see you recovered from the weekend. I owe you one. I couldn’t resist it.

    Playing on the iPOD right now – “Mr Blue” – Michael Franks

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  126. Baltimore chiming in here:

    Salted Watermelon – Yes
    Peppered Cantaloupe – No, but makes sense
    Salted Beer – Don’t do it, but know old timers that do it.
    Salted Tomatoes – Is there any other way?
    Salted Apples – Never done it but will try, why not?

    My weirds:

    I dip my french fries in my Frosty (not a sexual euphemism).

    Growing up, my mother would make us fried potato sammwiches…thinly sliced taters fried up in butter served on Wonder Bread with lots of salt and butter…how could that possibly not be delicious?

    My mother (a watermelon salter) also eats peanut butter, mustard, and pepper sandwiches…say that with me….Peanut Butter. Mustard. Pepper. Yeah.

    At least once every coupla weeks I make grilled Gouda cheese and raspberry jam on sourdough bread sandwiches for dinner for my hubby and I. Freaking delicious.

    This place is Blogalicious.

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  127. Forgot to add on my funeral story.

    Many years ago, one of my father’s closest friends died suddenly. Both my father and this fellow were Masons, as in members of a Masonic Lodge, not bricklayers. When you are a Mason, before the actual memorial service, there is usually a small gathering of your fellow Masons where they do their death ritual thing whilst wearing aprons. So, my brother and I are in the back of the church watching the Masonic ritual thing from afar, and I say to my brother, “Man, Dad is really upset by George’s passing…look at his face, he looks like he is about to start to sob!” (My father was stoic when it came to emotions.) As soon as the Mason service is over, my father runs out of the church, and my brother and I quickly follow to find my father with this huge look of relief on his face. Turns out that he wasn’t crying, he had to fart so bad that it was making his face pucker.

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  128. @ Dawn – I don’t care where you come from, that has got to hurt!

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  129. @JCIII – My Twitter name is also NDfaninAZ. I’m following you now. If you want to follow me, just send me a request (my Twitter is locked).

    @bikerchick – I used to love potato chips on my bologna sandwiches when I was a kid. Bologna, american cheese slice, mayo, mustard, and chips….on white bread. Haven’t had that for years and years.

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  130. I have Doritos on my bologna sandwich at least once a week. I also like peanut butter, a pineapple slice, and a piece of cheese on bottom half a hamburger bun, butter the top half, toast in the oven til warm and gooey, smack together, and chow down. Yum!

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  131. I’ve tried the salt and pepper on all sorts of mellons. They seem to knock the mellon flavor down. I’ve lived in four states and it seems like at least a gew people do it.

    I don’t care if you call it a blog or not. I just think it’s great.

    Pickled stuff rules! Especialy HOT pickled stuff.

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  132. @Pickles-Your comment just reminded me of my friend in St. Claire Shores. When he comes down for a visit we always start the mornings off with bloody mary’s and instead of celery he brings these hot pickled asparugus spears (Jeff ought to love them) grown and packed in MI and fresh horseradish. Best effin bloody mary’s ever. Sinuses are clear for weeks and hangovers are gone within minutes!

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  133. @JCIII Twitter is taking a shit today

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  134. Always salt the watermelon and pepper the cantaloupe!!!!!!!!!

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  135. Salt the watermelon, pepper the cantaloupe, dip your fries in the frosty……..all this sexual innuendo has me hot and bothered. I’m thinking about running to Kroger for a block of Velveeta, and maybe a nice red wine.

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  136. @ Jason – and maybe you might run into Billy Squier. Oh, that was to easy…RATFLMAO

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  137. I’ll have a Billy Squire picture stapled to the top of my Velveeta before I lock myself in the bathroom with it, trust me my friend, trust me. Play some Janet Jackson in the background and it’s party time!

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  138. I know cantaloup is in the squash family but I just can’t do it. You don’t cook cantaloup so there is reason to add any seasoning.

    Did you know that moldy cantaloup is the best source of Penicillin.

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  139. @SHiny R – has Jason acknowledged that post re Billy Squiers? It was hilarious.

    @Karin – what the heck is a cannibal sammich?

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  140. “I dropped my booger-hooks in there, and grabbed holt of one. Then I snagged the salt shaker with my left hand, and started putting salt on the watermelon”

    OMG, Jeff. That is soooo funny!!

    Grabb’t holt ta one?????

    Anyway….I love to put salt on my watermelon……but I digress…..
    After my husband and I were first married, we went to my moma’s house for a “brunch”. She served waffles. You should have seen the fright in her sweet southern eyes when-my new husband-ground FRESH PEPPER onto his waffles. I thought her eyelashes were going to pluck off one by one. We still laugh about that.

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  141. I hereby acknowledge the post re Billy Squiers. I agree, very funny.

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  142. Yes to pickles….butter chips, gerkins and a good dill or two with a Ruben. There ya go…a samich with sauerkraut on it. Relish must go into tuna salad, potato salad and deviled eggs. I can wipe out a tray of those things whilst eating all the celery with the Philly cream cheese in that little trough nature provided. (paprika optional on those two, I think it’s just for looks)
    Never bought one of those huge dills in that jar on the counter next to the huge jar of pickled eggs. That stuff just looked to weird for me.

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  143. I was just in West Virginia. First time there. We even went through Dunbar. My impression is that the stereotypical dog patch references are all wrong. W.V. is a wonderful place. They have everything that Ohio has. Friendly folks and good restaurants. We loved our little cabin at Summersville Lake. Can’t wait to go back.What a beautiful state! The trees are everywhere and wildlife is abundant too!
    Dad always salted his beer (German) he also salted his melon. He would put Miracle Whip straight on boiled eggs and horseradish on ham and beef. We used to dunk Rhubarb into sugar and eat it raw as kids. I loved to eat salt all by its self. Tomatoes on white bread with mayo and salt and pepper are so good, especially home grown maters mmmm.How about salami rolled up with cream cheese and dill pickles. That is some good eating there.

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  144. @ Shiny Rod:

    Cantaloupe is not a source of Penicillin, but Penicillium chrysogenum (formally known as Penicillium notatum) is.

    If you wish to find some Penicillium chrysogenum you can try random fungal isolates from a variety of sources: it’s blue-green in colour like many moulds, and sometimes the colonies have a yellowish tinge. For true identification you will need to look at life cycle and colony morphology. It’s easier to just buy some from the American Type Culture Collection (catalogue number 36740) for only $250. You will need to propagate it on Potato Dextrose Agar (available from Difco) and for cryogenic storage I recommend dissolving samples in 50% glycerol (diluted with sterile ddH2O), and slow freezing to -80 Celsius. You can store them at -20 Celsius but they won’t last as long.

    If you are trying to isolate pure penicillin, or any of the other members of the beta-lactam family of antibiotics, you will have to grow your cells under stress using lactose as the carbon source (not glucose, it inhibits penicillin production).

    Ever wonder why I use the name Tyrosine?

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  145. I stand correct, now someone go correct wiki…

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  146. DTO — No pickles, no sauerkraut for me whatsoever. (My mother’s private shame. She failed as a German.) While my family members sit around a newly opened jar, forks raised in anticipation, I’m spared any potential puncture wounds. My mother is famous for her deviled eggs, which are made with sweet relish and topped with paprika. When she arrives at a party, there are usually a few people who follow her to the table. The container is opened, there’s a whirlwind of activity, and before you know it, the carcass is picked clean, and people are walking away licking their fingers. She can pack up the empty container and throw it back in the car before the party even gets started. I’ve tried to get a recipe out of her, but she just eyeballs everything so that’s pointless. The secret will die with her, I suppose. Not even my grandmother knows.

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  147. @ DTO – Are you sure we didn’t grown up in the same neighborhood? Or peanut butter and raisins on the celery. I think it was called “ants on a log”. Prefer my dills from a barrel…

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  148. Dad used to pop a big pan of popcorn, salt it and then liberally sprinkle sugar on it. Mmmm. Raw potato without salt as a snack, brown sugar on white rice for dinner, ripped up pieces of bread in a bowl with milk (and more sugar) for breakfast, fried baloney, white sugar and cheese sammiches.
    Mom’s special spaghetti sauce includes all of the normal ingredients, with a healthy couple of cups of white sugar poured in.
    That reminds me – snack time – let me waddle into the kitchen for a soup spoon of peanut butter dipped in sugar.

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  149. I’m sticking to Billy Squires/Squares/Skwhyers was the prototype for Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs

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  150. @ Brynhildr – Now whens your mom’s birthday? I need to know so I can send her a Ruth Chris’s gift card… *wink wink*

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  151. Tyrosine — thought I was a fairly smart gal, but apparently I am truly science-challenged because if your name is common knowledge to most folks, I must have been at the way, way back of the line when they were handing out that particular volume of smarts. Had to google your name. Now I know. Please tell me I’m not the only one who never caught on.

    Oh, and thanks for your explanation of the Reinheitsgebot. I bring it up every time someone mocks me for being picky about the beer I drink. I’ve converted a few, but the philistines mostly just laugh at me and continue to chug their swill. Can’t win ‘em all.

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  152. Salt goes on anything! Apples, watermelon, cantaloupe, green melon…I also like pepper on cantaloupe.

    I sprinkle Tabasco on everything, too. Eggs, pizza, spaghetti, popcorn, etc. Just to give it that extra kick.

    I do put a pinch of salt in my beer but only after the foam goes down. And a bit on the napkin so the glass doesn’t stick.

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  153. @ Tyrosine – Just be careful if you run into Jason…Of course he’s probably getting drunk on red wine. I’m nursing a little bit of Balvenie on the rocks myself although I should have cracked the seal on the Glenfiddich. I haven’t had a 15 year old in quite some time but the 12 year old will do for now. Need to finish it off anyway.

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  154. @Brynhildr – I had no idea about Tyrosine’s name either, so don’t feel bad.

    I don’t feel bad for not knowing all my amino acids.

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  155. Brynhildr….I guessing she won’t tell you about the apple cider vinegar. Some people use white but the apple is sweeter.

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  156. Tyrosine,
    Lookie here now, this is bullshit. I won’t look up your name, I’ve always assumed it was original. How in the flip-flying-fuck would anyone know so much about such a subject?

    Are you in a cabin somewhere? Are you getting ready to mail out pipe bombs? Well don’t mail one to me. I pretty much love you. I don’t hurt anybody, I’ve been fucking cheese for about 3 hours now. So skip over my name: J-A-S-O-N. Okay then? Don’t blow up any Jason’s. They’re okay. Jesus-Tapdancing-Christ. Come on.

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  157. @ Jason – Don’t Panic…Velveeta is not really cheese

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  158. DTO — no vinegar in her recipe. I know that much.

    NDfan — thanks for backing me up.

    Tyrosine — re-read your post and found myself mildly aroused by all the big words and smart talk. I’ve always had a thing for nerds, but maybe that’s just the beer talking.

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  159. @ DTO – Thats why I was willing to throw in a Ruths Chris Steak House gift card.

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  160. Uh oh, I really am hoping that it’s the beer talking because Jason’s rant just added a little kicker as well. Nothing sexier than talking about pipe bombs and copulating coagulated milk proteins.

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  161. Ok, thats it. I’m headed to the Cougar bar.

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  162. Brynhildr,
    That’s not the beer talking. Fucking cheese and mailing pipe bombs really IS that sexy. REALLY, promise. You get a pass. Do you like canned pasta? Please say yes.

    [Reply]

  163. Jason — canned pasta is only good for squishing through your toes. I’d hate to mess up the pedicure I just gave myself, though. (Doesn’t your wife not do canned pasta?)

    Shiny Rod — the cougar bar sounds far more exciting than laundry, dishes and giving the dog a bath. Oh and somewhere in the mix, I have to take the garbage out and separate the recycling.

    [Reply]

  164. We put our recycling in one bin, and the sanitation engineers separate it for us, unless they just throw it all into the garbage truck. It just depends on what kind of a mood they’re in. Sometimes they just say f-it.

    [Reply]

  165. My wife only does SpaghettiOs. BORING. Branch out, become bisexual, I always tell her. But it falls on deaf ears. I think she’s trying to ruin my life. HAHA. Fuck me. I just read over my post. I’m drunk again. It’s absurd. It’s being posted anyway. Love yall!

    [Reply]

  166. @ Jason:

    You don’t mail pipe bombs. You mail letter bombs….but explosives are so crude. If I really wanted to reach out and touch you I’d use a biological agent, but you can relax.

    I do know how to make explosives, and played around with them a lot as a kid growing up, but it was all just for kicks and these days the authorities don’t see much humour in people blowing things up for amusement purposes. I even had to stop making my own fireworks following 9/11 as the primary ingredients became difficult to find.

    [Reply]

  167. Slice any fruit, dip in sour cream, and sprinkle with brown sugar…

    [Reply]

  168. @ Brynhildr:

    Glad I could help you out with the Reinheitsgebot. Life’s too short to endure bad beer.

    I picked up my beer knowledge as an undergrad when I managed a micro-brewery to make ends meet. Tyrosine comes from my grad school days when I used it as a handle to prowl the internet. It was a natural choice since I specialized in molecular biology and my research focused on protein kinases, of which Tyrosine is a major component. I could have gone with Threonine or Serine I suppose, but I thought Tyrosine had a better ring to it.

    The info about Penicillin is common knowledge to most people in molecular bio, but I’m glad you liked it. Just wait till I tell you about the shotgun vs. ordered-clone methods of whole genome sequencing or three point test-crossing to determine gene order. Ohh yeah, pure panty peeler.

    [Reply]

  169. @ Shiny Rod:

    “I haven’t had a 15 year old in quite some time but the 12 year old will do for now.”

    For the benefit of non-whiskey drinkers you may want to consider setting a bit more context to a sentence such as this, unless of you want to have Chris Hansen knocking on your door asking to have a little on camera chat.

    [Reply]

  170. @Tyrosine – yeah, chicks dig geeks. Uhh, what? BTW, thanks for reminding me of ATCC. Many years ago I attended a couple of weekend classes there from some geek-employees. It was about homebrewing, and these guys had (of course) access to the world’s greatest yeast bank. Good experience, I learned a lot. There was also a presentation from Shun-Chang Jong, who was at the time director of the mycology program, and a consultant to Sapporo.

    I too had to google your handle; damn, I should have called myself Poynting or Nyquist or even ScottMiller. No imagination here.

    Finally, blood pressure be damned – salt makes food taste good! Well, that and fat.

    [Reply]

  171. Damn, if the NSA wasn’t following this “blog” before, it sure as hell is after tonight.

    Debra – Glad you enjoyed the trip to Summersville Lake. What cabins did you stay at?

    [Reply]

  172. @ chill

    The folks at the Tuborg brewery have a few proprietary lager yeast strains they haven’t released to ATTC, but otherwise they have it all I think. Before the big anthrax scare a few years ago ATTC would ship to almost anyone, but I imagine they’ve tightened things up just a bit.

    You know, I’ve got a lot of doubt about the whole salt thing. I can understand restricting salt if you have kidney problems, diabetes, or a pre-existing heart or hypertension problem, but I’ve seen a proposed mechanism that explains how high sodium CAUSES heart problems. If you look back at the original research papers from the 60’s that started all the anti-salt dogma the patients in the study all had pre-existing hypertension. I call bullshit on the whole thing.

    [Reply]

  173. @ Tyrosine – Well, it must have been dog night at Reds. Nothing worth my time was stiring so I’m back for a bit. Having seconds on the twelve year old now. Glenfiddich also makes a 30 year old but you practically have to order it from Scotland and that takes to long for me so I call a couple friends at IBM and see if they are planning any trips to Greenock and I put my order in. Lately though, there have not been any trips anywhere. The Balvenie is not available in NC (damn those state own liquor stores) so I have to drive all the way Va to get it so I always plan getting a bottle when I go to Oceanside. I sip so it last me a long time. I thought buy putting names of what I was drinking in would handle the Hansen part.

    [Reply]

  174. I haven’t had a 15 year old since the 80s, myself. But I see that I’m out of Bowmore; that needs fixin’, just like a house that has no Mojo Nixon. But it’s not really Whisky Season right now (roughly corresponds to Jeff’s “Bourbon Season”, except that I can’t stand bourbon).

    And Chris Hansen? It’s been about that long since I’ve seen him. But I suppose it’s possible there may be two people with the same name.

    @Tyrosine, my ATCC visits were mid-1990s (they are local to me). The big experiment was that the brewer-dudes made up a batch of very generic wort – medium gravity, moderate hops, etc. – then divided it up into small batches and inoculated each with a different yeast, then held a tasting when it was done. It was a real eye-opener: one tasted like Duvel, the next like Sierra Nevada, the next like Weihenstephaner, and the only variable was the yeast. You might like “Brewing Techniques” magazine, if they were still in business (very geeky). The website still existed last I checked. And yes, I imagine ATCC has some sort of “security measures” in place now – as if looking at my driver’s license makes me less likely to be a terrorist :^P

    As for the salt thing, all I can say is that I’ll follow my dad’s lead. After years (decades?) of “eating healthy”, when he got to about age 80, he basically said screw it, I’ll eat what I like. That’s an attitude I can get behind.

    [Reply]

  175. reading all this high falutin’ chit chat makes my brain hurt. I’m going to a sammich (sammlich) Jeezum Crow, a sandwich.

    [Reply]

  176. going to what? Huh? What?

    *sigh*

    [Reply]

  177. @ Brynhildr – Saturday is wash day. Tuesday is trash day. Ginger gets her bath at the doggie day care and it doesn’t look like the cougars are biting so I can’t be a bad boy tonight and yes I am a geek to, but you know that already.

    [Reply]

  178. @ chill – my dad did the bourbon thing, I even like JW Dant but I prefer the single malt. I don’t like drinking to get drunk. Did enough of that when I was in the Navy. I like a sip every now and then. Don’t care for the commercial beer either, I stick with micro brews mainly IPAs.

    [Reply]

  179. my whole family salts their watermelon. we are in tennessee, and any member of my family not from tennessee is from alabama, maybe it’s just a southern thing, i dunno. i don’t eat watermelon – i’ve never liked it.

    as for salting beer, i never heard of that but my granny worked in a beer joint (my papaw said it was so she could spy on him while he was there drinking and shooting pool) and she taught me to salt the napkin under the beer mug, that way your mug or bottle doesn’t stick to the napkin. maybe that’s what people are doing instead of salting beer.

    my great grandmother put salt on everything. she would eat it plain. just pour it into the palm of her hand and eat salt…

    [Reply]

  180. @ hilljilly – are you sure she wasn’t hiding a bottle of Tequila and a lime?

    [Reply]

  181. Hey Shiny –

    I live up on the West Coast – lots of cougars biting up here for ya.

    http://www.cbc.ca/canada/british-columbia/story/2009/07/08/bc-cougar-attack-quesnel.html

    [Reply]

  182. @SR – Forgot to add – not sure if your into getting scratched.

    [Reply]

  183. @ leanne – yeah but Charlie Sheen’s been there already. I was in Vancouver back in 82-83 for the Sea Fair. Went into a pub in the Gas Light District and sat down and then two girls just jumped up and started singing. I said to myself, this were I should be living. Nope, not getting scratched. Just drinks and conversation. Most are not on my level of intellect but it’s just nice to talk to someone every now and then.

    [Reply]

  184. I always salt my watermelon. Not sure why, I guess my mom and dad salted theirs. Don’t eat cantaloupe but other people (family members) I’ve seen eat it put pepper on it. I pepper everything that isn’t sweet. My goulash will make sweat roll down your face. :) Justy ask my son.

    [Reply]

  185. @SR…. I’m at the same level. Kind of like being in California. Yo Dumbass….

    [Reply]

  186. I think the gas light district is a very bad part of Vancouver…. It’s all drugies there,

    [Reply]

  187. leanne…I spent a month in Campbell River, up on the island, around ’84 or so. Had a blast. Beautiful place. Quadra Island was a daily must. At night, after the gig (Haida Inn), I’d get in the car and drive farther north, deeper into the logging country, looking for Bigfoot. Simply excellant…as the saying goes.

    I just read a review of the place…just because. Seems as if the Haida Inn ain’t all that great now. Didn’t notice when I was there. Like I said ….had a blast!

    [Reply]

  188. My great grandfather used to tell me, “Gotta eat your lard, boy, don’t forget your lard.” He’s still alive.

    [Reply]

  189. Yes, salt on watermelon is “weird” outside of the south – and the “south” that includes WV.

    I went to school at the New England Culinary Institute in VT. In my garde manger class, we turned a watermelon into a wishing well for some banquet. As we discussed everything that went on at the end of class, the instructor allowed us to have some of the leftover watermelon. most of my classmates were from New England (VT, NH, ME) – only I and one other student were from “the south” (he was from VA). We were looking for the salt while the rest of our classmates were digging in. The teacher asked us what we were waiting on, and we told him. The other students looked at us as if we’d grown a third eye. He laughed, gave us some salt, and insisted the other students try it too, explaining it was a “southern thing”. The reason we do it? here you go: SALT BRINGS OUT FLAVOR. That’s why you put salt in food – to bring out the natural flavor of the food. Add a bit o’ salt – BANG insta-tastes-better. Makes the flavor “pop.”

    Another thing they’d never head of? Pepperoni rolls. I had to show my entire bake shop class how ot make them – they’d never heard of such a thing. (I’ve been told they were invented in Charleston, WV – so it must be a WV-only area kind of cuisine.)

    Glad I found this site – I love finding stuff from back home. So totally bookmarked.

    [Reply]

  190. My grandmother cooks with lard and real butter and full-fat everything, and she’s still with us at 89. Every now and then, I like to rethink my nutritional strategy to try and justify eating whatever I please, but unfortunately, the other side of the family have a nasty habit of dying off fairly early from heart disease. F*cking genetics. I dream of the day my mother finally comes clean and tells me that my real father is some 100-year-old gluttonous hedonist living in a mansion somewhere.

    [Reply]

  191. My real father is a 100-year-old drugie that hangs around the gas light district of Vancouver.

    [Reply]

  192. @Brynhildr, I had to look up Tyrosine. I slept alot through science classes. I always thought his handle was some combo of a name like Ty and some strange fascination with kerosene and gasoline. That’s what I like about this site you learn something new everyday, some useful some not so much!

    [Reply]

  193. @J – U are such an a$$. I am up at Whistler @ the moment but will head down to find him for you.

    [Reply]

  194. Hi Shelly… New England Culinary Institute?….thank you very much. Jeff had mentioned before about adding a forum to his “blog”…..ok….there. I said it…..OK!?!? I think an epicure section might be in order. I mean…these folks can talk some foood around here. Nothing like good ole fashion fooder talk.. How are you at working with Veleeta? I know a guy who likes that a lot.
    Welcome…-d

    How are your ice carving chops? Ice, chainsaws and girls. :-)….-d

    [Reply]

  195. leanne — if you call him an ass, you only encourage him. Right now, he’s probably sitting there with his cheese and a smug look on his face.

    [Reply]

  196. Shelly – The pepperoni roll was actually invented in the Fairmont/Clarksburg area. Started with the wives of Italian immigrants packing it in the lunch of miners.

    [Reply]

  197. HAHA. Come find me. I’ll be the guy wearing a pair of cocnut tits and a coin changer and nothing else. Oh, and I’ll have a smug look on my face. HAHA

    [Reply]

  198. ….velveeta……:-(

    [Reply]

  199. I think someone’s been drinking again…

    [Reply]

  200. @ DTO – stop encouraging him. I already shipped him 5 pounds of government cheese.

    @ NDfaninAZ – I have, but thats because I finished washing and folding. Yes ladies, I wash and fold and even can iron, thank you. I am still working on a bottle of 12 year old Balvenie and boy is it goooood!!! But I do have to take the pup to the dog park later so I will remain somewhat sober. I also need to finish watching “Definitely, Maybe” before I leave out.

    [Reply]

  201. @ leanne – It was not a bad place to go back in the 80′s, if so, they would have made it off limits to us visiting American sailors. Believe me, we had to close down “Boogy Street” in Singapore because the Marines had an all out street fight going on over a he-she. It pissed me off because that was my duty night and I had to go round up drunk Marines all night and even had to pop a couple on the head.

    [Reply]

  202. Actually, I think it’s pronouced Bugis Street but we called it boogie. Jason would have loved it. Sorry, I spent most of my time there at Raffles sipping cognac, vodka martinis and being checked out by the european cougars.

    [Reply]

  203. @ Shiny Rod – I was talking about the cheese molester.

    I’m thinking about hitting the vodka bottle soon. Nothing else to do. Can’t go outside…I might spontaneously combust (112 degrees).

    [Reply]

  204. LOL – I didn’t do so well with the chainsaw. But once my instructor cut the basic shape, I did really well with the fine-tuning and shaping. :)

    And velveeta – mm. Pasteurized processed cheese. I can make a mean broccoli casserole with that!

    [Reply]

  205. I like toast…..Heavy toast….7-grain…12 grain….you know the kind of bread you’re hoping that what you just bit into is a sunflower seed or a wheat groat. Medium rare, with peanut butter and apple butter. Add in some banana slices and I’m all in. That’s my perfect breakfast.

    [Reply]

  206. Bugis street! Man that takes me back! Stationed in Changi back in the 70′s there is nothing in life to match the horrifying experiencewhen you find out that your beautiful 19 year old date with the perfect ass & georgeous breasts is a guy!!!!!!!!!! I will never forget 5 stand up military guys running out of that bar at 100 miles an hour screaming like the girls we thought we were with! Still miss Tiger beer though!

    [Reply]

  207. BTW Gaslight District is actually an upmarket tourist area! Druggies are on Robson Street!

    [Reply]

  208. @shiny Rod cognac in raffles what no singapore slings:)

    [Reply]

  209. @ Pagan – I like my cognac straight up unless I’m drinking a martini. I got tore up one night in San Diego after drinking 7 Mia Tia’s and when I got back to the barracks, I kicked off my shoes and went to the head. It was early morning when I woke up in my clothes in the shower with the water still running. So, thats why I don’t drink cocktails anymore. Do you remember the Mojo’s they make in Subic Bay, Phillipines? Yes, I miss the Tiger beer too.

    [Reply]

  210. Yes Druggies on Robson – But also fine shoe shopp’n….

    [Reply]

  211. @ WB in OH:

    “strange fascination with kerosene and gasoline.”

    That part is pretty much true.

    [Reply]

  212. @ Tyrosine – what encouraged you to get into microbiology? I started with Business Communications and then to Electrical Engineering before I ended up in Information Systems.

    [Reply]

  213. @ Shiny Rod:

    I’ve always liked messing with stuff to see how it works. I was always that kid who took apart stuff around the house just for fun, so science was a natural fit for me and for some reason biology just clicked. I seemed to have an intuitive understanding of it: it just made sense.

    When I went to university the biology program didn’t force you to specialize until you reached 4th year, so it allowed you to take a wide range of courses, consequently I studied a lot of microbiology, cell biology, biochemistry, and genetics (as opposed to ecology, physiology, and biophysics which I hated). In my honours year I specialized in genetics.

    In grad school I was in the molecular biology program. Molecular biology is a combination of biochemistry, genetics and microbiology where the focus is on gene manipulation, which is just means we mess around with genes to see how they work: If you want to see what a gene does remove it, lower it’s expression level, add a second copy, change it’s location in the genome and see what happens. Microorganisms like bacteria and yeast are tools we use to manipulate genes, so understanding microbiology is vital.

    [Reply]

  214. Just wanted to let you know that WVSR was linked at “today on the interwebs” for your fine fast-food investigative…..stuff.

    [Reply]

  215. @ Tyrosine – That is very interesting because I was a tinkerer when I was young. Radios, models, I took em a part and the put the back together. Some worked and others not so good. I was a science and drafting major in high school but by the time I got to college. I got involved with the college radio and television station and was interested in broadcast media. I dabbled around that for a year a figured out that it wasn’t the function I was interested in, it was the tools. So, I switched my major and school and took up electrical engineering. That lead me to working wiith computers and it has stuck with me since. At IBM, I worked designing OS2 Warp and Windows 95 builds for internal systems. At the US Postal Service my role changed completely as a Disaster Recovery Planner, I wrote and tested DR plans for over 600 USPS applications. Now I do IT Project Management for NC DOT planning and implementing variuos network management projects. Buy the time I complete my BSIS degree, I will be ready to test for my CISSP and then my income hits the 6 figure mark although I’m not to far from that now. It’s amazing the paths we take to become experts in our fields. When I took biology in at Indiana University, there were at least 150 students in the class and lab and I lost my desire for it. I felt that the school really didn’t care about the student for having such a large class. But being distracted by girls and frat parties didn’t help either. Wasn’t allowed to do much dating in high school. Guess thats why I went wild when I joined the Navy.

    [Reply]

  216. Why is salt on melon weird? Oh, wait, I’m from Parkersburg, WV.
    Never mind.

    [Reply]

  217. Yep 216.
    I was curious as to what the comment count was
    Interesting conversation that I might have missed
    had I not checked the “follow up” box.

    [Reply]

  218. @ CitizenX – Yeah, we’ve been a bunch of chatter boxes this weekend. Cheese, salt and pepper on your melon, pickles, assholes, single malt scotch, what else!

    [Reply]

  219. Damn, Shiny Rod…I missed the part about assholes…now I gotta read all this stuff again!?!?…Crap!

    [Reply]

  220. Never mind….I’m sure it’s not worth it if they’re jerks!
    I’m drinking some fine beer and watching the shuttle launch on NASA TV. Weird huh?!…

    [Reply]

  221. A little music if you please……
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85gO8XLb4ug

    [Reply]

  222. Mountie We stayed at Rustic Retreat on old 19. It sure was purty! Had a little Coi pond and everything

    [Reply]

  223. Just got back from getting my car washed. That means it will probably rain.

    Oh, wait a minute….I live in Phoenix. Nevermind.

    [Reply]

  224. @ DTO – I am LMAO, but I like this on better…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wFpvRMIIEM

    [Reply]

  225. I KNOW you’re not exaggerating about 81-south. We traveled that stretch of road today and it was HELL! As if the construction doesn’t cause enough problems, every retard in the universe must have traveled that road today too!
    I was literally gripping the steering wheel in a death grip, hoping to maneuver the mini-van to safety.
    Freakin morons…

    Jeesum crow I missed you guys! Nothing like a two week vacation with no internet to make a girl lonely! (Don’t worry…I toasted to each and every one of you nightly…that helped a lot. Plus I was visiting my family..I don’t really consider it “getting drunk”. It’s more like “nerve soothing”.)

    [Reply]

  226. @ Tammie: Glad you’re back! Been missin’ your pithy comments. I hope you had a great time, and I’m looking forward to hearing about the vacation soon on your blog.

    [Reply]

  227. @ Shiny Rod,

    Interesting, you bailed on Bio because of a class of 150 students. When I was in first year back in the early 90’s my Bio class had 300 and I thought that was large. The last class I taught a couple of years ago had 1300 and it was a second year course. At one point I was getting 200+ emails a day from students. Times have changed eh?

    [Reply]

  228. @ Tammie – Welcome back, hope you enjoyed the vacation. We made sure we kept things exciting so you’ll ahve a lot of reading to catch up with. What am I saying, the Blonde Goddess doesn’t read, or does she? BTW, I love the Captain Kirk, very refreshing…

    [Reply]

  229. @ Tyrosine – Defintely, we didn’t have email back then. Matter of fact, I never saw the professor. His assistants taught all the classes. 1300 on a second year course, I hate to imagine what the first years student count was.

    [Reply]

  230. good morning surf reporters

    that’s as close to a cyber whisper as I can get

    it’s late

    glad we’re all still here after a fun-tastic weekend

    [Reply]

  231. Attention Surf Reporters: Just recieved an email from a co-worker. He has two tickets to a Billy Squire concert Friday the 17th in Columbus, OH. Let me know if you are interested! I about shit myself when I read his email!

    What’s even more ridiculous is it is at the “Lifestyles Community Pavillion”. I’m not familiar with the venue but it has a nice ring to it that meshes well with the recent video JK posted.

    [Reply]

  232. Welcome to Monday. “Meh” pretty much sums it up.

    Welcome back, Tammie!

    [Reply]

  233. @ WB in OH – I think Jason may want those tickets if you throw in a block of Velveeta.

    [Reply]

  234. Jeff’s going to love this one:

    Fries dipped in a mixture of Mayo, Ketchup, and
    Tabasco.

    Also:

    Salt on watermelon / canteloupe – some parts of Texas I get looks like I’m salting a turd, others it’s perfectly fine.

    A dab of sour cream mixed in with my mac and cheese.

    Salted / Sugared – fresh tomatos.

    I usually add some peach preserves to picante sauce / salsa for chip-dipping.

    Adding a little honey to spaghetti sauce.

    Creamed beef gravy on scrambled eggs (pass on the biscuits).

    Here’s an odd one maybe – A whole fried egg, sunny side up with a runny yolk on top of a piece of toast with butter and jelly.

    new leenk: http://halfdillo.blogspot.com/2009/07/prick-with-fork.html

    [Reply]

  235. @ jason – I, too, stumbled across “The Mountain” and never knew about the “blog” for probably a year, maybe 2.

    I checked it weekly for a long time for a dose of oddness.

    Interestingly, when I DID start reading the words under the eggplant, I did NOT discover it from the mountain link, I found it from some chick’s site. I don’t remember the link, but it was from a site where some single New York chick was chronicling her meager existence. Stories about being laid off, no electricity in her apartment, encounters with bums…etc. I think she even described hooking up with a random stranger on the subway.

    She always posted gourmet recipes and talked about food, but I never got the impression that she ever had any money for anything other than ramen noodles. I *think* her site shared many of Jeff’s readers in the early 2000′s. Anybody know who I’m talking about?

    I read the two sites, side by side for a long time before I made the connection.

    [Reply]

  236. I found the surf report while googling the diet aid, Alli. A friend kept saying she was going to try it and I said I’d heard you couldn’t be too far from a toilet. anyway, I found Jeff’s blog about the side effects (crapping yerself) http://thewvsr.com/alli.htm and that led to the beefaroni story and I stayed for hours, laughing loudly until I felt wasted.

    Remember when the Kays went to England and the comment count went up to- what was it? – in the 500s? something like that?

    [Reply]

  237. Yes, this is a blog. (sorry) :-)
    salt on watermelon is weird, but I’ve seen it before. so is pepper on melon, fries in mayo and all sorts of other stuff. But it’s all okay, :-)

    [Reply]

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So, who is this guy?

Thanks for stopping by! My name is Jeff Kay, I was born while JFK was president, and it's all very embarrassing and corny. Today I'm a suburban husband and father, who is sometimes accused of being a bit tightly-wound. The West Virginia Surf Report! is my creative outlet, and insurance policy against completely losing my shit. I hope you'll stick around and participate in the lively community of geniuses and curmudgeons who hang out here every day. I love a full 87% of them! And while you're at it, please follow me at Twitter and Facebook.

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