Your End of Week Topic Dump, and the Stuff That’s Bugging Us
My alarm goes off at 9:30 on mornings following a work day. So, I sleep from roughly 3:30 to 9:30, which is almost enough. Today, however, I couldn’t hoist my heft off the platform. The younger secret finally checked on me around noon, and the clock was still stuck in its BRZZZZZ!… (snooze)… (silence)… BRZZZZZ! cycle. For almost two and half hours we’d been doing that dance. I’m exhausted.
For lunch I went to a Chinese place near us called the Frog and the Overshoe, or the Horse and the Tulip, or whatever. It’s pretty darn good, and decent Chinese food is not easy to find in the Upper Perogie Belt; most of it has a high gloop factor. But this joint is not bad at all. I ordered off their lunch menu, and the younger boy and I ate like Asian kings.
Toney is taking a class today, and the older hooligan is at a water park with a friend. Our lawn needs mowed, and the bed hasn’t even been made. I have a long list of things I owe people (t-shirts, emails, books to be read, interview questions to be written, etc.), but my energy level is somewhere in the vicinity of a 400 lb Wal-Mart mama watching Judge Judy and eating a hubcap-sized bowl of Moose Tracks. Approximately.
And now you’re up to date on my one day-off this week. Man, I’m living the dream…
Surf Reporter Biff Spiffy sent me an email yesterday (or was it Tuesday?) telling me that a bunch of Surf Reporters are getting together near Charleston, WV on Friday, for lunch. The list of folks planning to attend is Tiff, Biff Spiffy, Kenju, Tammie, Evil Twin’s Wife, Buzzardbilly, and “many more.”
I think that’s extremely cool, and wish I could be there. Unfortunately I’ll be hanging out in the resort community of Wilkes-Barre, PA. But if you’re in the area, and would like to be a part of this gathering o’ the Reporters, they’ll be meeting at Little India around noon on Friday. Here’s their website, with the address and all that jazz.
I’m expecting lots of pictures and written reports! I hope you guys have a great time.
And speaking of Surf Reporters and awesomeness, Uncle Wedgie sent me a Blu-Ray copy of the just-released ’70s cult classic Damnation Alley. I actually saw that flick in a theater (the Capitol Theater?), in Charleston, when it was first released — then many additional times on HBO. It’s cheesy and over-the-top, but a total blast. I can’t wait to see the hoards of armor-plated cockroaches in full HD!
Thanks, Wedgie! Very cool, and much appreciated.
Also, thanks to everyone who ordered a signed copy of the book. I’ve received more orders than expected, which is nice. Below is the link again, and I’ll remove it on Sunday before I leave for work. If you’d like a copy of Crossroads Road with my scribbles inside, now’s your chance. Order away! [SORRY, you missed it. But regular unsigned copies are still available.]
And I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this, but it bugs the hell out of me when people eat in a perfect cadence. Know what I mean? People who space their bites PERFECTLY, and never alter it — like some kind of machine? And they’re such a slave to the rhythm, they sometimes end up taking another bite before the previous one has been swallowed?
Along the same lines… people who always speak in the same pitch — with no inflection whatsoever — bother me a great deal.
I could be wrong, but I think these are new entries to The Stuff That Irritates Jeff. Do you have anything new that’s bugging you? If so, please tell us about it in the comments. What’s pissing you off nowadays? We need to know.
And I’ll be back soon. The “weekend” is completely shot, but I’ll do the best I can.
Have a great day, boys and girls.
Now playing in the bunker
Jeff’s first novel, Crossroads Road, is available now at Amazon, the Kindle Store, and NOOKBooks.
Filed under: Daily
First again
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..
A fine day, a fine update.
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First?
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I am thoroughly enthralled by the concept of “hubcap-sized bowl of Moose Tracks!” Thanks for that lovely thought, Mr. Kay…it made my lousy day much more tolerable!
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I’m a Crunch & Munch kind of guy.
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Extreme Moose Tracks is just the best. And I would like to thank America’s Hat (Canada) for the wonderful cool breezes blowing thru the Ohio Valley. My soul leaps as a hart.
People who will NOT allow one food on a plate to touch another. If the taters touch the meat the meal is ruined. WTF?
The last time I went to a Chinese restaurant there was so much food on the table I had to have an intermission before I could go back and finish. Not that I don’t appreciate it but why do they do that?
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Top ten? What the shit!
.
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I have voice immodulation!
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AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
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A little bit softer now!
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OK, something new that bugs me. It’s always bugged me, but I don’t think I’ve mentioned it.
Today I was driving home from work. An SUV up ahead wanted to pass the car in front of him; his turn signal came on, he moved into the left lane, passed the other car, went back to the right lane and continued. This is really good behavior, except for the part where he didn’t turn OFF the blinker.
This combines inattentive driving with “getting it almost right”. A two-fer.
Cheese-filled Combos really cheeses your hunger away, or so I’m told.
.
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Pre-season football tonite. Big deal…but hey it’s the NFL!
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I’m irritated that I have to work tomorrow. I really wanted to head to WV with Biff & Tiff. Maybe next time.
My main irritation is that my right ear has decided, yet again, to stop working. My body apparently thinks it’s four years old again, rather than forty.
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Tammie Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 8:26 am
I really wanted to see you too! I have NO DOUBT we will manage to get together one day and then it will be epic! EPIC!
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Top twenty!
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Surely after another beer or two I’ll think of something that bugs me. Maybe I should switch to tequila?
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Please avoid mentioning too many things that annoy you because most of them are correct (except the thing about shitting at work). I just went to Radio Shack and got irritated by the big “The Shack” signs posted everywhere.
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chill Reply:
August 11th, 2011 at 9:34 pm
You’ve got questions? We’ve got blank stares.
.
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The things that irritate me these days could fill an encyclopedia. Right now at the top of the list is the “designer” reality show my wife has on the tube. Flaming poofters and homely women making questionable and generally ugly clothes to somehow try and satisfy another flamer and some weird broad with some kind of speech impediment (or a speech cadence issue or something). However, since tomorrow is not only her birthday, but also our anniversary, tonight I will try not to make too many comments about her lack of TV watching taste. on behalf of self-preservation. How this crap makes it to broadcast is beyond reason. In a half hour or so, something else will come along to bug he shit out of me. Tomorrow is a whole new day of irritation, the culmination of which will be clocking in to work at 11 tomorrow night to start a whole new week. Just maybe the fellow postal worker who told me last week that I’m a grumpy old man made a correct call.
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I won’t bore everyone with the whole list of things that irritate me, just the one that happened most recently:
People that are lost and stop in the middle of the road at every cross-street to figure out if it’s the right one. Look, you don’t have to be ashamed that you’re lost, just pull over and unfuck yourself like normal people do in that situation. Refusing to pull off to the side of the road does not mitigate the fact that you are in fact lost.
That’s it for now.
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Gretchen Reply:
August 11th, 2011 at 11:27 pm
I totally need a good unfucking.
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What bugs me is there are 967 people over there that say they like the WVSR and yet it’s your troops who show up everyday to spew silliness. The hell man? Then again maybe they don’t know how to take a “Go fuck yourself” in the right way. I like your crowd as we are but hey…?
I;m really sorry I can’t make it to Biff and Tiff ‘s shin-dig. Should be/ will be a blast. I’m sure. Well…except for Biff constantly wantting to show off his double paprdiddle and Tiff insisting her son’s play trombone duets all day Then again…maybe the one son lost his trombone again. How the hell do you lose a trombone?
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Tiff Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 1:27 pm
it’s easy when you’re in 5th grade. Fifth grades could lose their minds if you let them.
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Jeff, I finished the book this morning and I demand a sequel, immediately if possible.
I have had to bow out of the luncheon meet-up tomorrow, which makes me very, very sad. But I hope that there will be another opportunity in the near future.
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Tammie Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 8:27 am
You will be missed. It just won’t be the same without you but I’m sure we’ll work out something else soon.
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Things that irritated me TODAY:
-The French
-The people who for some unaccountable reason decided to take a walk down the fog line of a busy highway, trudging down the side of the road like lobotomized pudding cups, oblivious to everything, TEXTING.
-Drivers merging onto the highway at high speed flapping and tweaking and shouting and spraying foam and making gestures then WHAMMO they lock up the brakes right in front of me because omfg they’re on a HIGHWAY TIME TO PANIC WE’RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
(Deserved a jumbo-sized raspberry Slurpee to the side of the head)
-People who go into total overwhelm and simply stop cold, content to sit and stare without blinking into the middle distance, while traffic piles up behind them FOR FIVE BLEEDING MINUTES because the complex mysteries of a freaking single-lane traffic roundabout has caused a blood vessel in their brain to burst like a big grape. Really? REALLY, BUCKWHEAT????
All these offenders needed a jumbo-sized raspberry Slurpee to the side of the head. DAMN there’s never a raspberry Slurpee at hand when you need one. Word to your momma.
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Man, I wish I could go to that meet-up. I think we need to have a WVSR meet up in Italy post haste.
There are entirely too many things that irritate me, but here’s one that happened to me yesterday. Standing in the long line at the grocery store and another register opens up. Instead of everyone just skootching over in the same order, the ones at the back of the line RUN TO GET TO THE OPEN REGISTER. Hey! I’ve been standing here for 20 minutes! I think it’s a worldwide phenomenon. I’ve seen it happen in too many different places.
Happy Friday, Surfers!
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Tiff Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 1:30 pm
Casa B is on our list of places to go, fo sho!
The people who line jump deserve one of those FirstNations jumbo-sized raspberry Slurpees to the side of the head, because sheesh – where’s a little common courtesy gone to?
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What’s pissing me off? Thanks for asking.
I don’t have health insurance, the Child Bride doesn’t have health insurance. AwesomeWhiteBoy and AngryWhiteGirl have some kind of halfassed insurance provided by the State, if I don’t make TOO much money. Governor Skelator, elected by the senior citizens of Florida, pays 400 dollars per year for his entire family’s health insurance. Same guy who is a millionaire. Same guy who spent 80 million of his own money to get elected. Same guy who screwed the health industry, took the fifth over seventy times in his trial and was fined millions of dollars for his crimes. Disgusting.
Pissed of because, and I know it’s been hot everywhere, but the power companies here can’t handle the fact that everyone is using A/C and the power goes out a couple times a week. Makes the house over 100 degrees when its out for hours, therefore, using much more energy to cool it back down into the 70s. They got it figured out.
Pisses me off that I have to pour a gallon of water in my radiator every five miles. Severe leak. The part is 19 dollars. The labor is 600 dollars.
Pisses me off that we are still losing troops in the Middle East. I still have doubts about the ringleader being killed.
There’s much more, but I’m just going to hold it in.
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Tipsey McChugney Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 11:46 am
Did you vote for Alex?
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AngryWhiteGuy Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 12:31 pm
Yes I did. She had more qualifications than a donut maker.
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Irritation? I was at the Mart the other day and was 3rd in line. The first patron had 2 cart loads of back to school clothes and was using a clothing voucher. I understand times are tight for lots of people these days, so I don’t begrudge her for using the voucher, but she ended up with $20 more on it than she had in clothing. What did she do? She LEFT THE LINE and went back to get more clothes (i.e. she went shopping) while the rest of us stood there like chumps. As usual, the Mart only had about 5 of the 40 registers open, so it wasn’t worth trying to find another one.
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bikerchick Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 9:10 am
Fuck that bullshit.. I would have dropped everything I had in my hands/arms right fucking there and left. That is utter ridiculousness. The cashier should have told her that she’ll total her out, bagg the shit up and THEN she could go back for the extra $20 and get in the back of the fucking line. Inconsiderate fucking pig.
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dto Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 10:06 am
..I worked produce (a blast) at a Kroger in Cincy while I was there and they had me work front end too. (Hey…they liked me). I’d have to go open a check out lane and do the drill. Folks would do all their stuff, pay for it and then say…”Oh I forgot…I have some coupons.” I’d tell them customer service can take care of that for you (aka go the fuck away) and they’d say, “Don’t you know how to take care of this?” One time I said…”Yeah I do but those people behind you there in line don’t want me to prove it to you right now” (aka go fuck yourself). Whenever I was called to go work front end I took a hammer with me from then on.
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Bill in WV Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 10:36 am
I’m sympathetic to people that are really trying to make it in this world and have to still rely on gub’ment assistance to make ends meet. BUT……………she’s here in WV and I can say, with confidence, that this woman was just trash scum, using the system so she doesn’t have to get off her fat ass to earn an honest living. Only this type would do what she did. I agree with the other commenters, that the clerk should have made her do a separate purchase/checkout. They ought to know better. Bastards!
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madz1962 Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 10:42 am
I was behind a young girl (legality in this country questionable) who had the counter loaded with baby food which she then whipped out her welfare card/foodstamp/WIC whatever the fuck it’s called so I ended up paying for it.
THEN she threw a box of some Crest 3D $6 toothpaste on and paid fo that herself.
Now THAT fucking pissed me off. Here I am paying for her rug rats and she’s buying expensive toothpaste. Grab the friggin Colgate and use that $6 for birth control, bitch.
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AngryWhiteGuy Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 12:36 pm
Got one better than that. I work as a friendly cashier at a local supermarket on the weekends (or in the liquor store, if needed, and a woman paid for a bunch of shit with her WIC card, then used food stamp card for more of the purchase, then paid cash for 4 cases of beer with a giant roll of bills. The bagger asked if she was having a party, and she replied “Yes, it’s my husbands birthday and we rented a bounce house the size of our backyard for it and invited a few friends. Unfuckingbelievable that they could afford that, but use the sytem for the groceries.
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dto Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Aw crap…WIC stuff sent me running. The hoops I had to jump though for the paper work was amazing. Stacks of the coupons. $3.50 for this and $6.50 for that through a whole cart of approved stuff. Everything rang up sepreately according to what their copuon would allow. I’m compassionate and belived these folks need the assistance and didn’t judge. I’d just say…fuck this…call for a front end manager and tell ‘em I going back to produce where I belong. I got a truck to unload or we won’t have any bananas tomorrow.They always said ok.
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madz1962 Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 3:07 pm
They should be issued a card -liek a credit card – that you can scan and it deducts from your monthly dole.
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dto Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 3:41 pm
They kinda have that but each WIC coupon had to be check, filled out, dated, amount, crap crap crap and that one coupon has what they’re allowed to buy and a certain amount. This formula and that juice and this cereal and on and on and on…Do that for an entire cart of stuff? Like I said…I got bananas that need me. Fuck this.
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johnthebasket Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 4:48 am
ETW…
I assume “the Mart” is Wal Mart.
Sorry tough times have beset your family and you have to shop there. Believe me, I know what bad times are, although I’ve never been in a Wal Mart because I use the little dough I have to support the American economy rather than the Chinese economy.
I hope that when prosperity returns you’ll leave Wal Mart to the people who don’t understand global economics and shop American. In the mean time, could someone buy this woman a drink or two at the luncheon? Thanks.
jtb
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fryguy Reply:
August 14th, 2011 at 7:51 am
ditto…
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strangeart Reply:
August 14th, 2011 at 1:11 pm
I used to go to the Mart a few times a year for this or that-I will never go back, I had a cart full of about $200 in merchandise-got up to the checkout-3 of 30 registers open (and this is a “supermart, with groceries), The lines were snaked around wherever you could stand and not get run over. I left that shit right where I was in line, funk dat.
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Only 600 miles to the lunch. I need a Trans Am… and a cb radio.
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Tipsey McChugney Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 11:42 am
Watch out for smokey bear (Jackie Gleason)
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Bill in WV Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 1:58 pm
Nobody…….NOBODY makes Bufurd T. Justis look like a possum’s pecker !!
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Oh, I would LOVE to go to the luncheon too!! Pittsburgh not that far away. But after all, I do have to sit here and babysit phones while the doc and Mrs are on their 47th vacation of the year. Yeah..times are tough.
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The WVSR Classic is a classic, indeed!!
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It pisses me off when drivers are overly courteous to other drivers – at my expense. Leaving work yesterday, the car in front of me hit the brakes to allow a tanker truck get in front of him. We were right before a traffic light, with solid white lines between the lanes. Dumbass. I was really trying to make it through that light, too. I know it’s just one more red light, but I felt like killing him.
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Alice in WV Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 1:54 pm
I’ll join in on this one… I’m all for being courteous, but that kind of boolshit annoys me. They are being very UNcourteous to the people behind them – ME!
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Certain people BREATHING pisses me off.
People who start grazing on their salad from the salad bar before it’s been weighed and priced. And then bitch about why the prices keep going up.
Fucklebugs who insist on telling me their health problems, scares, diagnosis, tests, treatments whilst blowing smoke in my face and reaching for their 8th loaded bacon wrapped hotdog.
The c*nt who damn near locked herself onto my bumper with her brights on snaking through winding roads during a blizzard.
The dirty bitch who took a dump in the lavatory and didn’t flush it all.
Let me take some deep cleansing breaths. Back with more later.
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Oh and DAMN – I wish I could join the party today! Have a swig or three for me!
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I was talking to somebody backstage before, and he said there’s a lot of you people that like to drink vodka and orange juice
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dto Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 12:06 pm
…must have been a rigger…
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Tyree Jones Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Hey motherfucker….oh. OK, it said rigger.
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Bill in WV Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Nice KISS ALIVE reference !!!
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dto Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 7:38 pm
Bill in WV…huh?…I have no idea what that means…
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Bill in WV Reply:
August 15th, 2011 at 12:31 pm
KISS Alive album from the 70′s. This is what Paul Stanley told the audience right before the band cranked up “Cold Gin”.
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Wow – it doesn’t take much. I just ran out to grab lunch at the bagel place. The staff is mostly people with different accents and darker skin. The clientele is a good 98% of the wealthy old fucks who live in the condo complex we call Hemmoroid Hills.” Wealthy, impatient, grouchy bastards. One old bat was at the counter with her bagel and soda and all I heard was her yelling loudly “I NEED A CUP. CUP. A CUP C-U-P – CUP! COMPRENDE???”
It took all my will not to ball my fist up and make the old coot choke on her bridge work.
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Fake tits – Sometimes they’re okay, but most of the time they’re not an improvement. We can handle A cups, that’s better than having two absurd looking DDs with a foot of space between them and crosseyed nipples. Fuck!
Chain letters and the like – It’s bad enough that we get chain letters saying that if we don’t forward it to 10 people, the Pope will die, but now they’re doing the same type of shit on Facebook and other sites. Some long paragraph of bullshit followed by “post this if you love our troops (love your mother, love pussy, whatever).
Bacon – Bacon has gotten a little too big for its britches. Sure, it’s good. But I have had bad bacon too (overly salty, shrivled, shit). Stop with the fucking bacon orgasms already. It’s old.
Cats – Cat’s aren’t funny. Shut the fuck up.
Taylor Swift – Shut your goddamn mouth already. (did you get my card? what do you say? Can I make love to your face?)
Planet of the Apes – stupidest shit ever. Apes aren’t awesome, they aren’t like us. The only reason apes exsist is because we allow them to. Fuck apes. I notice that the new movie doesn’t feature that one ape man with the awesome blonde bowl cut, so I’m not watching it.
The sun – this goddamn heat is killing people. It’s absurd. Can’t wait for Fall and Winter to get here so I can breath again.
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madz1962 Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 2:13 pm
Damn, I laughed all the way through this.
Planet of the Apes – fucking CREEPY. I would be hiding under my seat stuck to the goop on the floor.
(my cat is funny).
Ok, and I’ll say it – and my pussy is hilarious.
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Jason Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 2:30 pm
My wife’s pussy is hilarious. It likes to tell jokes and pull pranks, “Hey kid, pull my finger.” Oh, it always makes Thanksgiving a lot more fun.
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Uncle_Wedgie Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 5:41 pm
Down on fake titties and bacon? Someone needs an intervention!
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Too bad the lunch meeting is so far from the left coast. I would love to attend. Perhaps I will just call in a bomb scare.
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RIP Jani Lane
http://www.bing.com/search?q=jani+lane+dead&form=DLCMHP&qs=SQ&sk=SQ1&pq=jani&sp=2&sc=8-4
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What’s pissing me off? They are filming the new Batman movie in the city. Christian Bale is Batman this time around. Anne Hathaway is Catwoman. Apparently this is a bigtime production. And they have several major roads in downtown Pittsburgh closed, which is causing some hellacious gridlock traffic clusterfucks.
One of the DJ’s on the morning show I listen to says,”Oh…if you ask most people, they don’t mind sitting the traffic because this is so good for the city”
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.??? I don’t give a shit how “temporary” this gigantic inconvenience is.. Oh yes…I love taking a 30 minute drive and turning into 1 1/2 hours with the majority of the time going all of 8 blocks. I love waisting twice the gas it would normally take for the week to see the Pittsburgh skyline on the big screen. Because as far as I know, I don’t think I will be seeing any of Christian and Anne’s bazillion dollar paycheck filling up my fucking gas tank or bail money for the next mofo that cuts me off because they think my lane is moving faster.
And Christian Bale actually had the beansacks to stand in front of the camera on the evening news and complain of wearing a rubber suit in 95+ degree heat. WAA-FUCKING-WAA you godamn fag. I hope your balls shrivel to raisins in that batsuit.
Serenity now….
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madz1962 Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 3:12 pm
Is it just me or does it look like Anne Hathaway’s eyes are always dilated? Like some viscious opthamologist did experiments in a lab using her.
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Ditto
Ditto
Ditto
Ditto
What did TS do? Is she old enough to consent to a face fuck?
Ditto
Sorry about your weather, it’s been absolutely perfect here in the Northern Miami Valley.
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WB in OH Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 2:47 pm
Oops, I thought I posted this as a reply to Jason, it would have made more sense.
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Jason Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 3:26 pm
TS committed the same sin as bacon, being talked about and seen non fucking stop. I THINK she’s old enough to have her face made love to. Am I wrong on this? Am I a pervert?
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 5:55 pm
She’s 21…so yes.
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johnthebasket Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 4:52 am
Chuck…
Nice response.
jtb
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johnthebasket Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 4:51 am
WB…
Before I read your reply I thought you had branched into conceptual poetry. It’s really a pretty good stand-alone piece.
jtb
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E-Z open and re-sealable when neither is true.
“Please listen carefully because our menu has changed.”
Anybody anywhere approving a 7% increase.
Anybody that says to me…”Well…you know when you get old.”
Drunks who think I’m drunk.
Accordian players.
People who clap on one and three.
Trumpet players who mistake warming up backstage before the gig is their daily practice.
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Tiff Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 1:37 pm
‘people who clap on 1 and 3′ = seconded.
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I re-read a print out of A Convenience Story last night. now I can’t find it on the site. I was wanting to send a link to a friend. bummer
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Here ya go:
http://thewvsr.com/convenience.htm
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Alice in WV Reply:
August 12th, 2011 at 8:13 pm
Thanks, CiB!
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 11:38 am
i’m a helper…i like to help.
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Luncheon goers… with that crew it sounds like it will be a raucous meeting… please, please post some of the results here! Wish I could be there just to watch! Take videos and try not to get arrested.
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Bugging me-
Stupid people.
Girl Scouts.
People who are smarter than me.
People who can’t properly yield.
Joy Behar, Rosie O’Donnell, Kanye West.
Pelicans.
Jan Michael Vincent.
Reality TV assheads.
New alcohol tax in MD.
Glass blowers who brag.
Scrapbook enthusiasts.
Paperweights.
Smallish sumo wrestlers.
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TV people. I totally do not understand most reality TV. Who the hell cares what rich, vapid, lazy, marginally pretty sluts are doing? Why are the Kardashians “famous”?
Adults who cannot act like adults. I walked in a patient’s room this week, and she was watching Dora. And she was not developmentally delayed, she was just stupid. If you are pregnant, you need to grow up, fast.
I know that system abusers have already been mentioned, but as I deal with them all day every day, it is a definite peeve of mine. I waited until I could afford to raise a child before I had a child. So I’m 38 and chasing a toddler. But I realize that I was really stupid. I could have popped them out like a dog in heat and let you fine folks support them, all while enjoying ice cream sandwiches and Jerry Springer all day instead of working. What was I thinking? My parents really owe me an apology, they taught me to be a responsible member of society, and that really isn’t the popular thing these days. And it’s so much easier to be a public parasite.
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johnthebasket Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 5:04 am
m…
Do you really want a whole tribe of kids and to sit on your ass waiting for a monthly check which is far less than popularly believed? Yeah, I don’t either. If you envy this lady’s life, I’m sure yours will improve soon, so please keep the faith.
While there are a few really fine things on television, much of it is guttercrap. I’m sorry to be the one to break the news. Just turn off the Kardashions and select a good book or one of the fine public radio stations available in your area. Actually, with a toddler, something like reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas aloud would pass the time nicely.
jtb
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Pissing me off lately?
People in general
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dto Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 9:59 am
…and…people in private…
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hot fuzz Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 5:45 pm
When I was in the military, there was both a private AND a general that pissed me off.
I was never in the military.
I should have.
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Those new save the planet light bulbs (I’m a closet tree hugger so I understand) are bugging me. When I was a kid I remember my folks saying we had to warm up the TV so we could watch something at night. Yeah. It was actually turned off most the time so the tubes inside the thing had to ‘warm up’ so that “Car 54 Where Are You” came over the airwaves without a flutter. OK…so now I have to wait for a light buld to warm up in order to see something at night.
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 12:47 pm
Those bulbs mess my eyes up. It’s a weak yellowish light. Should be outlawed. LED’s for the win.
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chill Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 1:41 pm
The CFLs are available in different color temperatures, so it might be possible to mitigate the yellowishness. But you’re right that they’re dim – the number to look for is “Lumens”. Here are some numbers:
100 watt incandescent: 1555 lumens
60 watt incandescent: 630 lumens
The 11 watt CFs I’ve seen run about 550 lumens, I think.
I’d prefer LEDs too – wider choice of color temperatures, no flicker, should be all dimmable, no mercury, and they really WILL last for decades.
.
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hot fuzz Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 5:47 pm
HELlo LUmen…
(Seinfield)
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And another thing…fake tits don’t bother me so much. Fake FMPs do. Either wear ‘em like you mean it or put on that vinyl almost purple crap @ $6.95 from The Wal-Mart.
jtb..,My crawl space is always quiet. Readin’, writin’ or music of my choice (mostly early Bill Evans). Noise is noise regardless of the sourse. I can’t stand it. And I raise a gun to my head in honor of the good Dr.
(just a joke folks…calm down)
I’m off to go watch our little village yearly “parade”. Just trailers rolling by with people on them trying not to fall out and people riding horses and horses shitting in the street. They wave and we wave and then say…”Who the fuck was that?” Then go shoot pool and drink beer and eat.
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Unfortch, Biff and I did not make the epic lunch due to crap weather between Danville and our goal. Grrrrr. Without an IFR and possibly a bigger plane, we were putting ourselves at too much risk.
HOWEVER, the other fine folk met, bringing in a couple too-tree new people into ‘the fold,’ as it were. What is it about Charleston that attracts such wonderful oddballs?
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dto Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 7:41 pm
I’m glad Biff was in contact with Ground Beef Control and you are safe and sound down on the ground and safe. And hungry. So…let’s eat!
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 9:17 pm
This post sucks without pics.
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Just mopped the kitchen. Oh, it’s a wild single life, my friends.
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chill Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 9:22 pm
Heard that. Soon will be the cat box. Woo hoo!
.
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Greg Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 10:17 pm
Picked me up a couple choice ribeyes at Belpre Kroger for 6.99/lb (until midnight). A ribeye and a russet with sour cream and chive dressing. I’ll be stylin’!
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chill Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 10:24 pm
Man, oh Manischewitz. This is food porn.
Please, I beg you, do not omit to slather said russet with butter. A dab of butter on the rib-eye is pretty damned good, too.
It goes without saying that you have the couth not to overcook the ribeye :^)
.
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Greg Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 10:38 pm
There will, of course, be a pat of Land ‘o Lakes on each half of the russet before application of the homemade sour cream and chive dressing. (24 oz of Daisey sour cream, mixed with a packet of chives, scizzored small, mixed , and left overnight in the refrigator for the flavors to meld), Of course a slathering of butter on the steak, 4 minutes per side, resulting on a “brown on the outside, pink on the inside”, “medium” finish. Sauteed asperges in a finishing olive oil will complete the meal. (Asperges served with bleu cheese dresing.)
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dto Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 10:48 pm
Damn dude…I’m havin’ a Maral Cadavers Skunk meat and Stomped Posuue
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dto Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 10:59 pm
Huh…? I wasn’t done…crap. (Fucking cat walked across the key board.)….Stomped Possum casserole with a side of stuff that”s growin’ outside the house. Haven’t seen the dog piss there lately so the salad should be ok.
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Greg Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 11:12 pm
Crap! I was sitting out side on the front porch, 2 nights ago, listening to the rain and the cicadas, and felt something “nuzzling” my shirt. I looked down, and it was a MOLE, sniffing my shirt, right on my porch! I made a noise, and it ran across the street, into the forest. At the same time, I saw a skunk running from my house, across the driveway, to the neighbor’s house. Sometimes, deer walk down the street. it’s like a wild animal zoo here.
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dto Reply:
August 14th, 2011 at 6:59 am
I use to date a girl that had a mole on her back.
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Greg Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 11:05 pm
With this steak sale going on, I’ve done this 4 times this week. I’m afraid to see the food circulars in tomorow’s paper. I doubt there will be steak deals like this tomorow. . . . but we’ll see. . . .
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 11:17 pm
I’m holding out for the $1.99 pork loin…
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chill Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 11:33 pm
One time I was at the store digging through the assorted pork products, and I found a roast that appeared to have been mislabeled. It was about the center 1/3 of a pork loin, but it seemed that they had weighed the styrofoam tray and not the actual meat, so I got a nice roast for 11 cents. Beauty.
.
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Greg Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 11:42 pm
Great! Scarf up any meat you can scarf!
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chill Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 11:10 pm
Compound butter is da bomb. Damn, now I have to go out and get a slab of bloody flesh to grill. But not tonight. Tomorrow is Sunday; it will be all right.
“I’m too drunk to walk – I’d better drive.”
.
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Greg Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 11:22 pm
chill, do it Sunday. Do your butter ( or sour cream) early in the afternoon, then steak it around 5 or 6. Continue the alcohol until 10 or 11, just so you can work on Monday. Those steak and ‘tater flavors will stay on the palate ’til bedtime. It’ll be a good evening.
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chill Reply:
August 13th, 2011 at 11:39 pm
I’m on it. The compound butter needs a few hours to hang. The meat can go on any time. I’ve had good results with steaks-on-the-grill if I a) leave the meat out at room temperature for an hour before cooking and b) sprinkle liberal amounts of kosher salt on it during that time. Alcohol (an Arabic word, can you dig it) would be the presumptive underlying theme.
.
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Watching Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome…I think Tina Turner’s legs won an Oscar for that role.
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Cleveland beat Green Bay? Can we count that one? Please?
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No Chinese joints around here. No Chinese either. And very few stray dogs and cats.
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today my patience is so thin it only has one side.
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dto Reply:
August 14th, 2011 at 12:59 pm
Hey Chuck…my song today….enjoy….crank it up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ksa4VjKE3RY&feature=related
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
August 14th, 2011 at 2:23 pm
Beth Hart & Joe Bonamassa Well, Well Great new song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdJp4fGZXvY
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dto Reply:
August 14th, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Thanks man…my bags are always packed and I’m ready to hit the road if they need a trumpet player…or what’s left of one.
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chill Reply:
August 14th, 2011 at 8:13 pm
Trumpet players… I feel like it’s OK to die, now that I’ve heard Lee Thornburg live.
.
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dto Reply:
August 14th, 2011 at 8:47 pm
chill…don’t know him or him me I”m sure but here. Here’s some fucking trumpet players.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvUsaZeXCKM
Chuck Findley I know…(cat with beard)…and a hangin’ bud in the old days. The bald guy is an asshole (like all trumpet players) and the first cat to play is Artuor and a great player and a high note freak. And a babe magnet no less. Met him but no hang. Go figure. Met the black guy when hes was coming up and a great technician. Cool guy. Crank this up. That’s way trumpets are. Full tilt or FUCK IT!!
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dto Reply:
August 14th, 2011 at 9:14 pm
Here’some more Chuck Findley.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7xWjDifg6U&feature=related
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dto Reply:
August 14th, 2011 at 9:55 pm
Here’s another one folkls and I’ll be done. I feel I’ve bugged you folks enough.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJdFuMydi70&feature=related
Please crank it up. These guys are playing their ass off. Thats’ Chuck and Artuor in trumpet section.
\Sorry…I’m off to the bar to pick \up fat chicjs
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dto Reply:
August 15th, 2011 at 10:16 am
Sorry folks…The wine was catching up with me there yesterday at the end…sorry. My typing and behavior got outa line there. That last “joke” was in refrence to an event I enjoyed earlier in the day with a tourist I met at our little bar/ restaurant. Nice girl and super funny! I bought some moonshine and homemade peach and apple wine from a guy I called Doc. He’s the the ‘Mayor” of a little town south of Chattanooga.
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chill Reply:
August 14th, 2011 at 10:23 pm
dto,
Lee has toured with a few bands you may know: Liitle Feat, Chicago, Tower of Power. He was also first trumpet for The Tonight Show band for about five years. I saw him with ToP this past April – each and every one of those guys is a monster in his own right; as a band they kick major ass.
Trumpet players with attitude? Hard to believe. Check this guy out – he appears about 2:30 into the video (ToP, chunky black guy): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDdBgxGUcOg&feature=related – sorry, it took a while to find it.
.
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The handicapped Werewolves are disturbing. And did one of them have a Steven Hawking device?
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OK, one last thing…..I hate “Maxine” emails. I’m not fucking 80 years old. Old people do not make me laugh, especially in comics form. I hated “The Golden Girls”, but the Child Bride seems to love it, and she is two decades older than me. Anyone find the Maxine comics funny????
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
August 15th, 2011 at 1:05 pm
No I do NOT…and I wish idiots would stop forwarding them to me with about 4 pages of headers attached from the OTHER idiots that forwarded it before.
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“Sorry, “younger than me, otherwise, I would have married Maxine”
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My wife just asked how many beers have I already had today. I asked her…”How many times have you already bitched at me today.”
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I had an ex that would read every atm screen like it was a damn novel.
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