You know what’s a great feeling? When you’ve been stuck in a traffic jam for a long time, your blood pressure is spiking and crashing, you’ve run through your full arsenal of profanity and are now making up new phrases (like shit bugler and ball flaps) – and everything suddenly busts loose.
The moment when you’ve officially cleared the problem, and can now mash down on the accelerator is pure magic. It feels like a great pressure has been released from your soul.
And that’s one of the reasons I don’t do drugs (beyond beer). If I ever found something that approximated that getting-out-of-a-traffic-jam feeling, I’d likely render myself permanently unemployable within six months.
Oh, I know how I am.
Since I made the tentative leap to 2003 a few months ago, and started downloading a small portion of my music, I’ve discovered some real gems – like this slab o’ greatness, for instance.
But I’ve also been burned a few times. I occasionally let the critics get to me, especially when they engage in a relentless slobber-campaign about some “brilliant” new release. I’m generally extra-careful, but sometimes get suckered into the vortex of hype.
The new Animal Collective, I’m afraid, might fall into that category. I’ve only had it a few days, but it’s not doing much for me. It really isn’t. It’s all breathy and swirly, and reminds me of a turd-band from long ago: Cocteau Twins.
Other disappointments from the recent download era include Bon Iver (zzzzz) and Fleet Foxes (make it stop!!). After giving any of those albums another chance to grow on me, I usually have to race to my stereo and turn on Rocket to Russia, or the first Undertones album, just to get the feeling back in my face.
Cheese and crackers! I love music, but it’s sometimes very cruel to me.
Sheetz is a chain of convenience stores in these parts. They’re similar to other such operations, except they sell decent food ‘round the clock.
Oh, you’re not going get a lobster dinner there, or moo goo gai pan. But if you’re in the market for a freshly-prepared sub sandwich at 3 am, they can hook you up.
In any case, I was in there the other day, using their no-fee ATM (money for nothing), and noticed a sign advertising a full line of Sheetz-themed clothing. I blinked a few times, and finally decided it was true. I wasn’t having a stroke, after all.
Who in the hell would buy a hoodie emblazoned with the logo of a grocery store, or a gas station, or whatever that place happens to be?
And check this out. The whole thing makes me laugh.
What’s next, a line of Sleepy’s Mattress Center windbreakers? Radio Shack lapel pins? Leather jackets in celebration of Del Monte corn?
I sincerely don’t understand.
Surf Reporter Dorothy sends along this amazing photo… It was reportedly snapped by her daughter, somewhere in Arkansas. Yum! Chili, burritos, and the insinuation of a severe intestinal tract infection!!
And finally, the Question of the Day… Last week I was at Waffle House, and my check was $7.34. I gave the cashier a ten, and she handed me $12.66 in change.
Years ago, when I was a poor young hooligan, I would’ve pocketed it, thanked her, and kept moving. But nowadays I’m much more honest in such situations. I always think about the employee, and how it’ll surely come back to them in some unpleasant way.
So, I returned the ten to the woman, and told her she’d given me too much change. She seemed surprised by my honesty, and thanked me several times.
How do you handle that sort of thing? Do you just say screw ’em, like the 1988 Jeff? Or do you give the money back?
I’d also like to hear your stories about finding money, or other things of value, and whether or not you tried to locate the person who lost it.
What’s the highest amount of money you’ve ever found? I once happened upon a ten and two singles all folded up on the floor of a store in Greensboro, and believe that’s my current record. What about you?
Use the comments section to tell us about your most impressive ground scores, and I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
Have a great day!