WTF Friday: We Need New Names For Our Coins!

During a recent trip to Canada, I was impressed by the jaunty nicknames they have for their money up there.  The loonie, the toonie, the tim’orton…  We have nothing of the sort.  I suppose the word “dime” is a nickname, but how lame is that?  Dime?  That’s not jaunty at all.  How embarrassing.

No, I think we can do better.  And to get the ball rolling, I will offer five new nickname suggestions for each of the most popular coins in America.  All of them, I believe, would be an improvement over the crushingly dull excuses for loose change identifiers we currently use.  I mean, seriously.

Please choose your favorites (or list your own in the comments), and start injecting them into everyday conversations.  Together, we can escape the deep humiliation of “dime,” and “nickel.”  Oh my god… will somebody please hold me?


poop dot
american cousin
booth bullet


purse biscuit
twentieth-dollar piece


polio penny
watch battery
Levi’s rivet


whore’s dollar
birch incisor

Please note:  I don’t usually update the site on Fridays, for a variety of reasons.  But starting today I will attempt to post something out of the ordinary on that day, under the heading WTF Friday.

This might include Mockable-style goofiness (like the one above), an email interview with a real person, a podcast, a guest post, or something I haven’t even considered yet.  So, it’ll be the regular stuff Monday through Thursday (“I was in Target the other day…”), and something unusual on Friday.  That’s the plan, anyway…  We’ll see how it goes.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a great weekend.  Mine will blow a whole petting zoo, but that doesn’t have anything to do with yours.

I’ll see you guys on Monday.

Now playing in the bunker

Treat yourself today at Amazon!


  1. Dave's not here, man says

    Hmm, never thought of myself as trendy, but…





    I think at least one of our coins has to be called booty. It’s just too much fun to say booty.

  2. madz1962 says

    Penny: Coppah
    Nickel: Kerchunker
    Dime: Dimple
    Quarter: Socket

    Got 2 dimples and a kerchunker for a socket?

  3. Son of Sam says

    I’m taking my little fishing boat to the Allegheny River this weekend near Kennerdale Pa. Walleye here I come.
    Eat like a king drink like Otis Campbell smoke like Marley.
    Y’all have a great weekend.

  4. zoe says

    I don’t know what made me check for a rogue Friday update but I’m so glad I did. WTF Friday is an excellent idea. I won’t even try to come up with coin nicknames because the originals are unbeatable.

  5. Taiwan On says

    I miss the Mock.

    Right now I have a good hankerin’ to mock the Ladies Ass Logo. You know, sprawiling the word “Juicy” across the back of a pair of women’s jeans. Even though, in a lot of cases, there is obviously nothing juicy going on in there.

    My wife now has a pair of Disney pajama bottoms with the name “Mickey” across the ass. Obviously, this trend has jumped the shark.

    Penny = Abe
    Nickel = Tommie
    Dime = Johnnie
    Quarter = Georgie

  6. TILLY says

    I am on my way to Canada this week. I will have to check out the coin situation up there.

    have a great weekend all!!!

  7. PIN146 says

    If it makes you feel better, technically the term “penny” is a nickname, the US has only ever had a One Cent Piece. Penny is a carryover from British money.

  8. hardoxdan says

    I like Taiwan’s Penny = Abe
    Nickel = Vee. (Roman numeral)
    Dime = a Polio, remember the old March of Dimes?
    Quarter = 2 Bits, of course.

    Was in Hagerstown Wednesday and found some really crazy club. Something Cantina. They had Mexican food but played country music up until about 11:00, all matter of old and young doing line dances and shit, lots of cowboy boots mixed in with bikers. Good mix of hotties to fatties.

    Later, they switched to mix of rock and pop at blaring level. Cheap drinks and lots of folks pounding beers and shots, what a hoot. Got really drunk. Walked to hotel and died.

  9. johnthebasket says

    I did grow my mustache and beard for Movember, but my facial hair grows a little slowly, so I had to get a 40 year head start.


  10. Misselle says

    Hahahaaaaa “polio penny” lmao. Can’t top it. (That and the 40 I am drinking just doesn’t help!)

  11. t-storm says

    I’m about 40 minutes from drinky time.
    I really liked whore’s dollar.
    I really need to due laundry but I couldn’t find enough whore’s dollars.

  12. chill says

    Friday updates rule. I am in favor if them.

    Two things popped into my head immediately, regarding the e-tomb: 1) what if the end user doesn’t want a cross logo? and b) “Status: Dead”.

    Actually the dime is a real official unit of US currency, not a nickname. Just like the dollar and the eagle. Nevertheless, one could call it a “Frankie”. I swear I typed that *before* reading the comments! I like “whore’s dollar”.

  13. Laserboy says

    West VA Quarter – two dimes and a nickle

    Nickle – Knuckle
    25c – Case Quarta
    Quarter – Toll Token

  14. johnthebasket says

    With respect to the QOD, one reason I like the Dixie Chicks’ singing is that they frequently sound this good. One reason I love the Dixie Chicks is that they frequently are this passionate. If you haven’t rented “Shut Up and Sing”, don’t bother. Just go buy it. Using Jeff’s Amazon link.

    best wishes…


  15. says

    I once played, for a short time, in a country band. I hated every ‘just a swingin’ minute of it. I’ve never liked country music but I needed the money. Give me blues, give me jazz…hell, give me Hall and Oates over country any day. Wait…did I just say Hall and Oates?

    I must lay down for a while and contemplate my life’s direction.

  16. says

    I think we should refer to one of our coins as “japs”, which coin doesn’t really matter.

    When will it be socially acceptable to eat horses?

    The President of the United States hasn’t returned any of my phone calls.

  17. johnthebasket says


    I would not want to put myself in a position of having to argue that country music is as interesting or delightful as jazz, blues or rock. I think I’d feel pretty comfortable arguing that country music beats the shit out of Hall & Oates. Hell, I’d only need one or two examples.

    Flatt & Scruggs can lay down some mean pickin’…

    Hall & Oates just need to lay down

    Johnny Cash can sound like an Old Testament prophet

    Hall & Oates are still making a profit, but are not making much music

    I don’t have a particular disagreement with what you said, Chuck. Perhaps you went a bridge or a chorus too far. Perhaps…

    best as always…


    • says

      I wasn’t trying to disparage anyone’s taste in music. There is something for everyone out there. If you like dixie chicks then good on ya. Personally I have always been a blue-rocker with occasional turns off the road into some serious jazz (Dewey Redman, Ornette Coleman, Keith Jarrett, etc.).

      When I was an active musician (though not a very good one…ever…so don’t think I am bragging) I took a gig with a country band and hated every minute until I was replaced (see parentheses above).

      How many parentheses are we allowed per post?

      Oh and I agree about Hall and Oates. 😉

      • chill says

        Mmmm, Ornette Coleman – good stuff. Keith Jarrett is a fucking prima donna, but man, can he play. I have paid money to see Pharoah Sanders, and I would do so again. Same for Abdullah Ibrahim, a.k.a. Dollar Brand. For serious jazz, don’t forget your Ms: Monk, Mingus, Miles.

  18. johnthebasket says

    I think it’s 22, but the people who run the Internet are always upgrading http and html, so it might be up to 24 by now.

    I grew up with the three chords that are Louie, Louie, first recorded by the Wailers with Rockin’ Robin Roberts on vocals. (Yeah, technically 2 1/2 chords). The Wailers all lived within a few miles of my house and I still think they’re just about the coolest people in the galaxy. And most of them are still playing.

    That background radiation of R&B that permeates the “Northwest Sound” of rock in the Wailers, the Kingsmen, the Sonics, the Frantics, and a thousand other groups, including Nirvana, is the faint echo of a terrific group named the Dave Lewis Trio (sometimes the Dave Lewis Combo) which influenced all Northwest music to come from the lost decade of the 1950’s. Had Dave Lewis been white, he might have had the early hits, but he wouldn’t have lived in Seattle’s Central District, a hotbed of West Coast R&B. So it goes.

    Sometimes I hear that sound in Country music. Not Garth Brooks (the anti-Hank), but sometimes in consumate musicians like the Chicks. Obviously, I hear the sound most often in rock and blues and sometimes jazz. That’s my music, whatever radio station plays it.

    Just for the record, I’m not a Nirvana fan. I’m not sure Kurt was either, actually.

    No disagreements about musical taste, by definition. Just remembering on a wet, dark Northwest Sunday afternoon.


    • johnthebasket says

      First recorded in the Northwest by the Wailers. Obviously, the writer of the song, Richard Berry, recorded it FIRST. In L.A., I believe.


  19. Uncle Buzz in Wheeling says

    Well, the Stillers have once again embarrassed themselves in front of their own fans and on national television, no less. Looks like they didn’t watch any film of last week when N.E. took a drubbing at the hands of Colt McCoy, a *rookie*. Also, the defense apparently took the night off.

    The main reason they lost was because of those absurd, ridiculous “retro” unis. Whose terrible idea was that? Yellow helmets – are you kidding me? Retro unis have a terrible mojo about them, and you just saw the result.

    No quote tonight, I’m too disgusted. Grrr

  20. clintcurtis says

    I was in a “gentleman’s club” in Lethbridge, Alberta Canada about 10 years ago with my brother. I was wondering how they would handle the Loony in the g-string, as opposed to a paper dollar bill. Half an hour, and three Molson’s into the show, about ten guys from off of an oil rig come in. They were already drunk, and after odering drinks, they proceeded to pelt the dancers with Loonies, (the heavy, $1 Canadian coin). Hilarity ensued as the dancers stopped, started yelling at the oil workers, the DJ stopped playing music, then everyone in the place just started laughing. Great times!

  21. says

    Jaunty coin nicknames…


    “…Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ’em. Give me five bees for a quarter, you’d say…”-Grandpa Simpson