The West Virginia Surf Report!

Words That Trigger a Full-Body Clench

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clenchA few nights ago I was listening to Clive Bull on my iPod at work, and he was asking male callers if they carry a wallet.  And it was a classic Clive topic.

He’s very good at taking subjects that originally seem inconsequential, and turning them into high entertainment.  He asks all the right questions, and draws great stories from his callers.

It’s no wonder I love his show, since I attempt to do a lot of the same things here at the Surf Report.  Ya know?

Anyway, I have a larger point, but first I’ll answer Clive’s question.  No, I do not carry a wallet.  I haven’t since I was in my early 20s, and still trying to figure it all out.  I call it the Cologne Years.

I just keep my driver’s license and miscellaneous cards in my left front pants pocket, with paper money wrapped around the outside of the brick.  It’s a system that’s served me well.

I don’t like things jammed down my back pockets, for some reason.  It’s annoying, and causes me to sit at an angle — like I’m perpetually easing one out.  Plus, I don’t need to add another layer of thickness to my ass area.  I really don’t.

So, that’s the way I do it.  What about you?  Or, if you’re of the female persuasion, what about the men in your life?  Do most still carry wallets?  I have a feeling they do, but I haven’t paid a whole lot of attention.

And while we’re at it, do you ever carry a man-purse?  Maybe a messenger bag, or a backpack?  I could certainly use one, but it’s more masculine to walk around with my arms full of crap, I believe.  I experimented with a backpack while I was working my previous job, and a security guard gave me a raft of shit about it.  So, I just said screwit.

Do you, or the men in your life, carry a bag of some sort?  I have a Jack Sack for my laptop, but don’t carry a man-bag on a regular basis.  What about you?

And just so you know:  the word wallet gives me the heebie-jeebies.  I can’t put my finger on the exact reason, but it’s one of those things that make me tense-up a little.  It’s just kind of embarrassing and dorky:  wallet.

Other words and phrases in that category are underpants, supper, ’nuff said, and anyhoo.  That’s four right off the top of my head, and there are dozens of others I recognize as encountered.

Are there certain words or phrases that cause your jaw to lock?  I have a feeling everyone has a private list.  So, let’s hear ’em.  Use the comments section below.

And since we’re on the subject, I came across a really GOOD phrase a few days ago, at a beer review site.  I noticed folks using the word sessioning, in both the articles and comments.

They’d say something along the lines of, “This is an excellent light, crisp beer, perfect for sessioning.”  And as far as I can tell, it’s just a fancy way of saying binge drinking.

Is that not great?  A couple hours ago I went to the beer store myself, and purchased yet another case of Yuengling lager, in anticipation of some weekend sessioning.  In fact, I wouldn’t mind opening a new session, right now.  Anyone with me?

Before I call it a day here, I’d like to alert you to the fact one of my prayers has been answered.  Check it out.  My nipples are exploding with delight!

Also, the 2008 Pazz n Jop music survey has been released, at the Village Voice.  I have many disagreements with them this year, I’m afraid, but don’t really feel like getting into it.  Let’s just say my Top Ten in no way corresponds with their Top Ten.

If you haven’t signed up for our new and improved mailing list, please take a second or two to do it now.  You’ll be provided access to periodic super-secret updates.  Plus, starting on Monday afternoon, there will be a weekly dispatch from the bunker.  It’ll be fun, I think.  So make sure you’re subscribed.  It’s a matter of national security, or something.

And while you’re at it, why not also subscribe to the RSS feed?  It’s full feeds, none of that candy-ass abridged crapola, so add the Surf Report.  It’ll make Google Reader a much happier place.

And that’s all the energy I have for today, boys and girls.

See you next time.

Now playing in the bunker.

Comments

  1. I’ve carried the same wallet for the last 20 years or so. But I keep my cash in wads, in my front pocket. No “man bag” for me.

    And I hate words that start with “man” because they sound so homosexual. Man bag, man door, man cave. “Man” this and “man” that. Makes me barf. Also, I hate jag-wire. One of my former neighbors would end everything he said with, “and all that.” Drove me crazy, and all that.

  2. The ex Ms. Radley used to say “okey dokey smokey.” That was a tough one to stomach. Also, please don’t tell Becki I am numero 50.

  3. I carry a wallet, bifold with a flip out for my id cards. Don’t think I could stand not to carry a wallet, too much stuff to hold, since I have to keep all of my receipts for reimbursement purposes, and like to have a stack of business cards with me at all times. That’s what sales will do to you though, it forces you to always be on the lookout for your next sale.

  5. I carry a money clip with an attached thing for credit cards. The side opposite the money clip has a clear plastic sleeve for my license so when someone asks to see my ID when I use a credit card I just hold the whole thing up.

    It’s slightly thicker than a plain money clip, but not much. It stays in my right front pocket.

    I carry a backpack now, but that’s because I’m in school agian and my books are freaking huge, and I mean medical dictionary (really, I carry one) huge.

    I used to carry my laptop in a bag and for a while I used a different laptop bag to carry samples and demo tools when I was selling dental stuff.

    I don’t care for the word disrepected. I do not belive it to be a word at all. Drives me nuts.

    I do however really like the word panties. It just makes me happy.

    I find it interesting that so many women dislike it.

    This is way longer than I planned. Very busy with school, but so far I haven’t hurt anyone. Then again, today was my first day of clinicals and all I did was talk to one old guy and help a tech scoot an old laby up in her bed becuase she was sliding down.

    See you later everybody.

  6. Damn right Uncle Buzz. Bauer can pull it off…I don’t think that I can. S I carry a wallet in my back pocket.

    Words or phrases…usually when somebody drops French, i.e. “fiancee” or “vis a vie.”

  7. people that pepper their speech with french words drive me into a spincter clenching frenzy

  9. I have a wallet. And I also carry a satchel “man bag” type thing (similar to the jack sack). It’s more for convenience and practicality and only comes to work and home, no where else.. i’m not a homosexual.

    Btw, wallets belong in the front pocket, same spot as your card clump Jeff, and shouldn’t be any larger than a credit card plus 1 cm either side. Yes, it’s an exact science 🙂

    And while i’m here.. i can’t stand people who say “somethink” instead of “something” .. even worse is “sumfink” .. immediately makes me tense just thinking about someone saying it.

  10. I have an entire list of words that my husband is not allowed to use, simply because they gross me out. The list has gotten smaller over the years, but it still exists.

    The number one cringe worthy word? Underpants. I really hate it when this word is used in reference to men.

    My husband doesn’t carry a wallet, ever. I only carry a purse when I have to (for work, random ids, nextels, etc). I generally prefer carrying my ID and my debit card in my pants pocket and leaving the purse locked in my desk (or at home).

  11. Here ya go:
    1-At the end of the day
    2 – Fairly unique
    3 – I personally
    4 – At this moment in time
    5 – With all due respect
    6 – Absolutely
    7 – It’s a nightmare
    8 – Shouldn’t of
    9 – 24/7
    10 – It’s not rocket science

  12. It is what it is People!
    #61 Whoo Hoo! Becki I could only aspire to have actually acheived junior High!

  14. Words that drive me nuts – belly, veggie, buddy.

    Man bags are cool. I think more guys should carry them.

  17. Words and phrases that bug me? It’s a long list… here’s part of it.

    All the verbing that has become de rigeur in corporate circles, and ignorant misuse of language in general. People who pepper their speech with French without knowing what they’re saying: Walla! People who claim to hate the French when they’ve never met a French person. People who say “i.e.” when they mean “e.g.” Mangled colloquialisms like “another words”.

    “Throw under the bus”, “on the ground”, “my troops” (when said by someone who is not a military commander), “all on the same page”, other hackneyed expressions beloved of policy weenies and corporate managers.

    Baby talk used by adults. As Angie said, “belly” and “veggie”; heaven forfend “tummy”.

    And finally, I hardly dare say it, “tennis shoes” – it’s not a tennis shoe unless it’s designed for tennis.

    Damn, Jeff, you sure know how to provoke a rant!

  18. It irritates the hell out of me when people call someone “a man’s man.” It always sounds to me like it has the opposite meaning of what they are trying to say.

    Unless I’m just confused about what exactly they are trying to say…

  19. I was reading through the comments and I had something to say, but then I saw “moist” and “panties” and well…I got distracted.

    Maybe it’ll come to me later.

  21. In a work meeting the other day, this douchebag salesman that thinks he’s the smartest person on the planet kept saying “for all intensive purposes”. Fucking dumbass.

    Another one of the idiots i work with commonly uses the letter “X” inappropriately, as in “expresso, exspecially, excetera”.

    I don’t mind the word “jewelry”, but when someone pronounces it “jewlery”, it goes up my ass sideways. It also irritates me when people say “sherbert”. *shudder*

  22. Words I hate, some of which aren’t even words. By the way, 72nd, or somewhere around there.
    – meh (meh to you too, you sanctimonious prick).
    – platypus
    – quid pro quo (except when Hannibal says it in Silence of the Lambs)
    – Stimulus package
    – Executive
    – Crappola
    – Tot Mom
    – Precious
    – Legal tender

    That’s it for now.

  23. I HATE it when anyone says “shore” instead of “sure”
    It’s SURE , bitches!

    Go shore up the beach, ho.
    I have no time for your ignorance.

  25. Beckie…I was 500th once. That one was lots of fun! Great times!! And I was first and last at the same time once too.
    Phrases I hate:….The rent’s due
    You’re overdrawn
    Who fixed this the last time
    This isn’t going to hurt
    I’m not really 18
    Wallet, but only the imported kind. Fine quality nylon tri-fold with velcro closure made somewhere in exotic Southeast Aisa.

    Last??

  26. Pockets are meant to be used and the right read demands a nice leather wallet…it’s bleeding tradition for Sigmund the Seamonster’s sake!

    Other pockets include:
    Left rear – maintained as a “future cargo carrier” (empty)
    Left Front – Pocket knife and guitar pick (ya never know)
    Right front – Keltec P3AT .380ACP (again, ya never know)

    Words that annoy:
    LIKE – Like he said…and I was like… GGRRRRR!!!

    I propose that the word LIKE be replaced with “NOT DISSIMILAR TO” for everyone under 25 years of age!
    …then he was all not dissimilar to….so I not dissimilar to…

    That’ll fix the little illiterate sh**s!

  27. Hey JCIII Pitgirl is posting this week at haveagoodsandwich for the STEELERS. Thought you might like to know.

  28. My boyfriend carries his wallet occasionally and always in his front right pocket. He has chicken legs so there is plenty of room in the pockets of his loose-fit jeans.

    Phrases/words I hate:
    Kosher *full body cringe*
    Got anything to eat? – “the bf”
    I’m hungry. – “the youngest secret”

  29. oh and the bf doesn’t carry his money in his wallet. it’s usually in the left front pocket unless he’s not carrying the wallet then it takes the wallets place in the right front pocket.

  30. Husband has a wallet. No murse.
    I use a purse only because if I need something, I want it near. Granted 90% of whats in it, I don’t regularly need.
    There are many words and phrases that irritate me. So I attempt to find humor in it. But after these comments and the last post about stupid people… its bringing me down.

    Wanna sit in dis boof?
    Impactful (not a word!)
    Disrespect (not a verb)
    back and fourths (yes a manager emailed that)

  32. Money clip for me. Haven’t carried a wallet for years.

    You guys know what a funny word is??? Pickleweisel!

  33. greg t, thanks for humbling me this morning. I’m not as smart as I thought I was – only got 4 right. If any one needs me, I’ll be off in a corner studying middle eastern geography.

  34. wallet, yes. I concur though that carrying it in the back pocket throws things askew. I’ve wondered if it helped cause some of the back problems I’ve had. Instead I’ve carried mine in my front pocket. Looks a little goofy… I’m pretty sure a bum thought it was a pack of cigs when he asked to bum one and then gave me a strange look when I told him I had none.

    As for those words? Try this list:

    http://www.rimboy.com/dirtywords

  35. I heard a guy on TV call a sandwich a “sangwich”. It was months ago and I’d still like to meet the son of a bitch so I can murder him.

    Try saying the word “cunt” without making an ugly face.

    Phrases that I hate:

    “The earth has a fever.”
    “You got that $20 you borrowed from me?”
    “Put your penis away, pervert.”

  36. I hate the word challenge. “Are you up to the challenge?” “Let’s challenge ourselves to do better this year.”

    Why does everything have to be a challenge? Challenges should be reserved for knights of the roundtable.

  37. Words or phrases I hate.

    Wallet. (It is a billfold if a man carries it)
    being hav instead of behaving.
    Ya’uns. Example: What do ya’uns want to do?
    Ya know what I mean bothers me.
    Nuff said
    Git r done

    That is just some that come to mind at the moment.

  38. My dad has always carried a leather trifold wallet AND a money clip. I carry a huge canvas purse that my youngest nephew could probably get lost in. My teenage son packs everything in his front jeans pockets.
    As for words I hate, there are a few:
    “Axe” instead of “Ask” – this one makes me want to scream!!!
    Sports metaphors – I have a boss who always wants us to “swing through the pitch”

  40. Finally subscribed to the secret updates and got to see Mr. Funnel Pants. What an added treat!!!

  41. my husband’s wallet is stuffed and won’t close. its now about the size of a baseball. and recently, he’s been asking me to carry it in my purse. so, i’m evolving. if i have pockets, i put my little change-purse (perfect for atm card, license & $$), lipstick, keys & cellphone in my jeans and/or coat. i’m enjoying the freedom. he must carry his own ball-o-wallet.

    there are many words i hate, but the one that has cause me to retch, and i brace myself to even type it now…. pus

  42. My mother used to say “sneakers” when I was kid (in the 1980s). It drove me mad! But then, maybe she hated using the word “plimsolls!” She would also use the phrase “donkey’s years ago” far too much for my liking.

    I hate it when I get a sales call and they say “basically” about 20 times ….

    I have a handbag with far too much crap in it, no wonder my right shoulder hurts so much. The bf does have a wallet but it’s not been used for a while now due to lack of funds.

  43. @Alice in WV – That’s a lot of trust from your husband to let you carry his wallet. The sanctity of a mans world is balled up in those trifolds of pant speed bump.

  45. @Alice in WV – Your husband needs to give his Costanza wallet a D&C. I purge mine every week and it never a problem.

  46. ~~oh tadpolegal, you opened up a whole can of worms there.
    First , Pittsburgh has the “h” on the end. Most of the morons outside this area never get it right, not that YOU are a moron. I’m not saying that…….

    and have fun continuing to live with your delusions. Steelers are there to take it all.

  48. JCIII- Okay, I forgot the “h” – I’ll be the token moron for the day.
    As far as delusions go… My Packers sucked this year so I’m just in it for the money. PittsburgH is goin’ down!

  49. I work with movie and tv people a lot and lately their favorite word is “AWESOME”.we did a peewee herman “word of the day” on set once,whenever someone said”awesome” we all stood up and screamed.it was very effective.

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