Words That Make Us Cringe, and Some Other Stuff
A couple of quick things before we get started…
I put this together on Saturday (I was in the lab for hours!), and I’m hoping you guys can suggest some other sports figures to add to the gallery. Email them to me, or drop their names into the comments. We need to capture ‘em all.
Also, if you feel like adding the page to StumbleUpon, and other social networking sites like Twitter, nobody’s stopping you. In fact, I’d be much obliged. Thanks for the continued support!
And… I’m going to bite the bullet (whatever that means) and attempt to record a podcast on Friday. During the first two installments I’m hoping to answer reader questions. I know some of you already submitted a question or two, but if anyone else has anything, let me know.
There’s a good chance the whole deal will descend into horrifying awfulness, but we’ll see how it goes. If it sucks (as Phil Hendrie would put it) kang, I might not post it. But if it’s reasonably OK, I’ll let you guys hear the thing. So stay tuned, and let me know what questions you’d like answered.
The weekend was uneventful to the extreme. On Saturday we went to a swim meet at a high school in Scranton (Scrannon), where I contracted a severe case of Phantom Ass Syndrome. Seriously. Someone could’ve walked up to me, repeatedly stabbed my butt cheeks with a pair of scissors, and I wouldn’t have noticed. Scary.
Other than that… we didn’t do much. Oh, Toney did our taxes and we’re getting $1100 back. I was hoping for more, but what are you gonna do?
And please don’t post a comment about how it’s stupid to hope for a refund, and how any intelligent person hopes to break even at tax time, blah blah blah. I hate when people do that. It’s one of their “things.” Know what I mean? Whenever they hear someone talk about a tax refund, they view it as their time to shine.
Yes, I understand the concept, I’m not a complete idiot. But when tax prep-time arrives, I’m hoping for a surprise windfall. And if that bothers you, then you should take a good long look at yourself.
Man, I’m getting all whipped-up just thinking about it…
What do you think about this list of the supposed 75 albums every man should own? I think it’s deeply flawed. Combat Rock?? You’ve gotta be kidding me. And that’s just the tip of the metaphorical iceberg that represents my complaints.
Hey, at least they chose the right Van Halen and Wilco records… Whatever.
Did any of you happen to catch last night’s Coast to Coast AM radio show, hosted by Art Bell? He interviewed a guy who is supposedly involved in time travel experiments, and he was very convincing.
Many of the guests on that show are kooks, or trying to promote a book or coaching seminar, or something along those lines. But this guy (from WV, btw) wasn’t selling anything, and sounded reasonable and intelligent. It was a great show, and blew my mind, maaan.
I wish I could listen to the whole thing, but don’t want to pay the subscription fee, on account of cheapness… If any of you have it saved as an mp3, by any chance. please drop me a line. It would be perfect work-listening material.
And finally, I’m going to reprise a conversation a few of us were having at Twitter on Sunday. Rainn Wilson, if you can believe it, started the whole thing, but some of us were having a more intimate sidebar chat on the same subject. As far as I know, no world famous celebs were involved…
Anyway, we were discussing words that make us cringe. I’m sure we’ve covered this subject before here, but it’s always worth a revisit. Some words that bother me, right off the top of my head: underpants, supper, and anyhoo.
Toney can’t stand the word pocketbook, and my paternal grandmother HATED the word fart. Oh, she was no prude (far from it), but that particular word bothered her a great deal. It was unexplainable, and kinda funny.
So, what do you have on this one? Use the comments link below. And I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.
Have a great rest of the day!
Filed under: Daily
Lafayette I am here!
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There aren’t many words that bother me but I cannot stand to over hear someone else peeing. It grosses me out!
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……
Ever since I can remember, the word “potty” causes the cringe.
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Tres 3333333333333333333333333
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I have an entire list of words that are “not allowed” to be used in my presence. Most are medical/health related. I am married to a guy who both works in the medical field AND loves to torture me.
It’s not uncommon for him to chase me around the house yelling “PUS! FISSURE! FISTULA!” with me screaming and running away from him.
Hey, we live in the woods. It’s not like we have anything ELSE to do…
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Damn, actually Quatro 44444444444444444
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hiya
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I got nothin’, but it sounds like a fun time at renn’s house!
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‘Handkerchief’ came to mind right off the bat. I hate that word.
Someone posted the other day that they can make bumper stickers. (I’m sorry; I forgot who it was & I’m too lazy to search). There’s a way to get your site out there. Have him print you some bumper stickers, Jeff & I’m sure we’ll buy ‘em.
Gotta be quick on this one. Mondays blow donkeys. ‘Nuff said.
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I think we are close what is your favorite color and why?
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Nice family picture in the Bunker Cam, Jeff!
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No words I can think of right off the top of my head.
Great, your first podcast Friday and I have to spend the day in surgery. Perfect timing.
Happy Monday, Surfers!
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We are getting back nearly $2000. Not as much as I hoped for either, but, therefore, I have proven that (I am sure the child tax credits helped) that neither of us could have any taxes deducted from out paychecks (other than the standard 7.5 percent for medicare and ss tax) and still get money back.
On IPOD right now- “A Forest”- The Cure
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1. moist
2. ointment
3. flap (a medical thing…ie: He needs a muscle flap on his leg..) For some reason grosses me the fuck out.
4. feet
Full body shivers….ugh.
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Fiance’….a French sounding word that just sounds so pretentious.
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Frisco. I fucking HATE the word Frisco. Please. Don’t call it Frisco…
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Esquire is recommending Minor Threat to their readers who most likely have very middle-of-the-road tastes? Lordy, mama. I used to occasionally enjoy putting on a Minor Threat record in the ’80s, but if I was going to recommend one single hardcore punk album to people who likely have never heard that type of music before in their lives, it certainly wouldn’t be a Minor Threat record. I’d perhaps start with Husker Du’s “New Day Rising,” or the first Dead Kennedy’s album, or maybe even go out on a limb and recommend Black Flag’s “Damaged.” Definitely not, though, Minor Threat.
Minor Threat is for connoisseurs of the genre, not for newbies who’ve never heard that kind of music before. Esquire’s recommendation is like urging a scotch whisky neophyte to start with Laphroaig instead of Glenlivet. Or recommending one start with a Cuban cigar instead of a Macanudo. It’s something you build up to, not dive into headfirst.
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Can’t stand to be in Wal-Mart and a tootless redneck mom says “Cletus, go git me one of them “shoppin’ buggies.” It’s a shopping “cart”.
Are “flip-flops” different than sandals? If so. I can forgive it. If not, did a four year old submit that as a word?
Aren’t all four wheeled cars going “four-wheelin’?”
“Sneakers”- was the initial intention of the shoes to “sneak” up on someone? I can’t seem to sneak up and anyone with the size 15s. They flop around like carp when I walk.
On IPOD right now- ” Higher Ground”- RHCP
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Oh, and they picked the right Ramones album, too.
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When adults say “I have to poopie”
I have a love / hate relationship with Best of / Must own album lists. I like to read them since I”m a complete music nerd, and I can be clicking along and happily agreeing with the choices, or at least seeing WHY something was chosen and then all of a sudden they suggest I simply MUST listen to this or that album and I sit in disbelief and wonder to myself wtf……..
This particular list lost me at Grateful Dead.
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I’m getting real tired of ubiquitous and problematic. Way overused.
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Farts in general are just funny, but the word fart is great!
Can’t think of any words the make me grind my teeth when I hear them, but people using odd names for genitalia when teaching their kids about body parts drives me insane. like “twinkie.” But then again I’m a believer in teaching kids the proper names.
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I can’t stand the word soothe. It makes me all stabby.
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Mr.Man says ” tits” and it drives me insane.
I’m not bothered by any other words I can think of. There are regional differences in what certain things are called. I have found that some people get QUITE upset when you don’t use the words they’re used to. Jeezum Crow, it’s not that big of a deal. While I grew up thinking that a “toboggan” is a long wooden sled, the people in WV think it’s a knit cap. I don’t hold it against anyone. It’s just different. Down here it’s a driveway, in Maine it’s a dooryard…here it’s dinner, in Maine it’s supper…In Maine I drink soda, down here everyone drinks pop. To each their own I guess.
So now that I’ve cleared all of that up, I have boobies or boobages (like cabbages but they’re softer). No tits please. Thank you and come again.
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@UpNort: I could not agree with you more about teaching kids their body parts. My (now ex) mother-in-law would make up all KINDS of words for everyday, ordinary items in front of my daughter, never mind body parts. Like my daughter was a freakin’ idiot who could not understand the word “bottle”, for example (botty, to Grandma). Drove me NUTS.
Once heard a woman talking to her daughter about the little girl’s “kitty” in public. I almost puked, then wanted to smack the crap out of her. No, they were not talking about the family pet.
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I hate when people refer to peeing as “taking a leak”. My ex always called it that… usually right before he whipped it out and peed on a tree. He also called the gynocologist “the twat doctor”. I’m pretty sure that was because he knew my distaste for most of the slang vagina terms.
I’m also not a fan of “pop”. I know it’s a Southern thing but it makes me cringe.
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AWG: Perhaps you should call your sneakers “flip-flops.” (“They flop around like carp when I walk.”)
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I hate the word commode. Commode, commode, ahhh!!! Everytime someone says it I want to shove his head in one.
And the word excellence is so overused it implies anything but…
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Going to try this again, for some reason the site shit the bed the first time I tried to post.
Irregardless drives me up the wall and when you try to explain to them that it’s not a word they get all pissy with you. Kind of like trying to explain to someone why it’s better to keep your money from the feds instead of waiting till tax time to get it back.
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Jeezum Crow makes my tits itch and i get an uncontrollable need to fart.
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As covered on Twitter: fondle, panties, supper, underpants, pocketbook, buggy, the p word, I know I have more and I am sure that I will be back after I take a nap and think about it.
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If the sound of pee gets on your tits try shouting over the sound when you go! especially in a puplic washroom I personally find “Jesus Christ! Is it supposed to be red? works very nicely! and God knows why aanyone would call a perfectly good snotrag a handkercheif!
Fartman is my favourite Super Hero!
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I knew I forgot something, Jeff we need to know as Paul Harvey would say “the rest of the story” in regards to Sunshine and Mumbles and the Holiday van ride from hell. Or at least some sort of mysterious reason why you can’t fill in your faithfull followers. I’m guessing you had to pony up some more dough and can’t bring yourself forward for the public flogging.
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AWG- I want your ipod playlist as my very own. I am jealous almost eveery time I read your posts.
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UpNort & Stephanie: When I was a kid, the kids in the family next door (two boys) used the word “patumpus” instead of “penis.” Most likely when the oldest one was learning to talk, his mother referred to it properly as a “penis,” but the kid couldn’t pronounce that, and it came out “patumpus” (not that “patumpus” is easier to say than “penis”…). And the mom probably just let him pronounce it the way he wanted, and started referring to it as a “patumpus” herself. So when the second boy came along, he was taught that the thing was a “patumpus.” These kids were well into their early teens, and still calling it a “patumpus.”
Come to think of it, though, I and my brothers were taught to call it a “peepee,” so I can’t exactly throw stones — is “peepee” really any worse than “patumpus”?
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Jason!
How does the little guy like Planet Earth?
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Davenport or Sofa – it’s a Couch
Oleo or Oleomargarine – c’mon the entire world calls it Margarine
Hoover and hoovering, it’s Vacuum and vacuuming
Heiny: Ass
…and an adult male at a restaurant earlier this month excused himself from the table and murmured to his wife he was going “t-t”. The hell?
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I meant that the other way around:
…is “patumpus” really any worse than “peepee”?
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Thanks TILLY, the Child Bride can’t stand my playlist.
I have older relatives that ask if I need some new “stockings” for my birthday. It’s like it’s 1873 or something. “SOCKS!”
On IPOD right now- Stop”- Jane’s Addiction
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I cannot STAND when people say “beep beep” if you happen to be blocking their way. The word “panties” is twisted.
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“Shit the bed” the very first time it was uttered…maybe. I have an employee who constantly uses this expression. From transmissons to ipods. The worst part is the awkward pause where I’m supposed to wink and chuckle at his clever wit. The ironic thing is that this knucklehead is always making mistakes and wasting material. You know, shitting the bed, but using my sheets and dust ruffle. I have a good mind to wrap his paycheck around the next roll of toilet paper. Shit the bed indeed.
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Bikerchick has already listed two of the words that make me cringe:
moist
ointment
Both words cause me to do a full body shiver when I hear them
I’m also not overly fond of the word “make” when it is related to a child’s bodily function. As in.”Sweetie, do you have to make a poopie?”
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WB in OH, the same thing happened to me. When I hit the “submit comment” button, I got a page listing a “403″ error, and something about I “didn’t have permission to access the server”. I had to reboot to correct it.
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Just remembered another cringe-worthy word: titties.
I wish I could check out the 75 albums list, but the site is blocked here at work. Drat!
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1. make love
2. moist
3. labia
4. clown when it is pronounced “klahn” and used to mean fool, idiot, jerk, etc.
5. any word that my father makes up his own pronunciation for when he is unable to say the word properly. Example: “basmati rice” becomes “balsamic rice.”
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Local Atlanta rednecks wanna know where you lived in Little Five Points so we can put up plaque or sumthin. Tell us about it on your pod cast, won’t you?
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Jeff, I hope you think your podcast broadcast-able. We would love it! I also hope we hear more about Sunshine and Mumbles.
I don’t mean to make you overly aware or anything, but I’m very curious about your voice now. Will you sound like George Clooney or Mike Tyson? Johhny Depp or Harvey Fierstein? I can’t wait! I’m really looking forward to it. You’ll do great.
Knucklehead – I hope you’re ok after your surgery?
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Greg: I got the same error. Had to reboot. WT…? Thought the Surf Report shit the bed….lol
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HATE the word panties. Do NOT call my underwear panties, you fuck
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As kids we got great mileage out of Ron Dugay’s (Hockey player fro Rangers, Red Wings, Penguins) name, but I guess the whole “gay” thing isn’t the insult it once was.
Ohhhh, I have serious issues with that Esquire list. First off: Slide shows suck- “I’m too lazy and stupid to post multiple items on one page so now you have to click through 75 pages of crap”. Even Cracked generally doesn’t have lists that go over five pages. Then they embed adds every two slides. Thanks, and a big Fuck You to Esquire!
As for the contents of the list, I can’t speak to the Country, Blues, Hip-Hop/RAP, and Jazz but I can tell you they fucked up most of the Rock, Punk, Alternative, and Classical selections. I’d go into details, but what’s the point – these lists are all meaningless and subjective anyway.
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AWG: In lovely southwester PA they always called them buggies. In lovely NC we call them carts. Go figure.
I cringe at the word “pump”. Maybe due to regularly eating food from a pump at various 7-Elevens during college?
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bikerchick: Sounds like the problem was both ubiquitous and problematic! LOL !!
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salve, mutton, node, “centered” (as in the spiritual sense)…
there are words that make my friends/fambly cringe but have no effect on me whatsoever…
scrapple, membrane, analingus…
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I think he will sound more like Ben Stein, with a slight drawl.
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choose/choice (no idea why)
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AWG- there in lies the problem with child brides.
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Two words that make my ass pucker…..pregnant and alimony!!
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It’s not really words that bother me, but how they are said. I can’t stand it when people add extra syllables to words: jewelry (jew-la-ree), northern (north-er-en), nuclear (new-cu-ler), etc. That’s just a few that I hear all the time. Drives me nuts!
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Jeff- have you started watching Dexter yet???
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the word that makes me cringe when I read comments: first!
love the word moist
never heard the word soda until I moved to the south, it’s pop and you get it from a pop machine…. and Coke means Coke, not RC Cola (uck) or pepsi.
people who use the “cut” instead of turned, it’s not “I cut it on”. first time I heard that I had to stop the guy and ask him what the hell he was talking about.
people that use borrow instead of lend, you don’t borrow them money dumbass.
When someone uses aks instead of ask I want to just smack them in the mouth.
more words that bug me:
stimulus
liberal
whatever
anal hematoma
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How about Cubs player Kosuke Fukudome.
Every time I see someone walking around with FUKUDOME on the back of a shirt it cracks me up.
Not as funny as Dick Trickle maybe, but still funny.
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Make me squirm & run away, w/casual mentions of:
pimple
pus
crotch
scab
I am SUCH a delicate flower
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AWG As long as they don’ t offer you a garter belt to go with them!
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Miroslav Šatan (born October 22, 1974) is a Slovak professional ice hockey right winger currently playing for the Boston Bruins of the National Hockey League (NHL). The name on the back of his jersey has attracted much attention over the years in highlight reels across North America, with people stunned that a player would be named “Satan”. Miroslav Šatan is actually from Slovakia and his name should be pronounced “Sh”atan.
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Chaka Khan
Chaka Khan
Chaka Khan, let me rock you
Let me rock you, Chaka Khan
Let me rock you, that’s all I wanna do
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Hmmmm…patumpus….Never heard that one before. I have all boys and my mother started talking to them when they were very young about their “tallywhackers”. WTF! Now that they are grown they have come up with much more advanced terminology:
willy
whang
shebang
pecker
(at least those are the ones they use in front of me)
You get the idea…
I am going to pull a AWG here and propose a new question…what do you call yours?
The only thing I can’t stand hearing is for some guy to call a woman the “C” word.
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i get homicidal when people misuse words that sound alike:
there/they’re
your/you’re
yeast is a word that makes me gack
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I can’t stand the p*s*y word. Also, buggy instead of cart drives me nuts. My mom would have a full lower jaw retraction if she heard the word “hair” or even just “ha…” She’d start gagging.
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Vivacious & Voluptuous. Such stupid words!
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I have a female friend who refers to her underwear as “dainties”. As if they’re delicate and dainty.
Sometimes, when I gotta go pee, I’ll say, “I have to go TINKLE.” I like to say it just because it sounds so gay and people don’t expect to hear it.
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Thanks, Alice. It’s part two of the neck surgery I had in ’08. Damn bones grew around my nerves again. People told me once I had spine surgery, I’d have it again but I didn’t believe them. Now, I believe, I BELIEVE!
Incision is in the back of the neck this time, Jeff. Maybe you’d like another Smoking Fish sighting?
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OOhhh, ETW – I concur: while I don’t mind the C word at all, that P word fully grosses me out!
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OMG…the worst word in the world….as agreed by other people right here in the comments.
MOIST….
makes me want to gag just thinking about the word.
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I don’t like Bangs and used to have a roommate from Jamaica who always called hamburger “hamburger meat” — seems redundant to me.
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Attorney
Doctor
declined
busted
I used to say, “I’m going to go power my nose”, when I headed to the bathroom. Everybody wanted to go with me.
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I like the “C” word, the ‘P” word, the “F” word – I find them enjoyable in every way. But I’ve never liked the words “coitus” and “intercourse”.
It’s useless to argue about someone else’s music preferences, because it’s really just subjective, but how can they have a damn Kiss album on there, and leave out any number of better albums? Whoever made up the list should go coitus themselves.
And I think “Combat Rock” has about 5 or 6 perfect songs (and a couple crappy skippable ones).
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“powder”…..crap!
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Precious loin darling
Vulgar grope, moist dungarees
Glistening pecker
Huh, I seem to have made a Haiku Porno. How ’bout that?
Sports names:
-Vikings’ tight end (ahem), Jim Kleinsasser. It’s pronounced Kline-Saucer, but that didn’t stop John Gruden from consistently and humorously mangling it.
-Utah Jazz’ Carlos Boozer
-And it appears you forgot baseball’s good ol’ Rollie Fingers.
That’s all I got for now.
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Actually…”power”, was funnier. I shoulda been using that all along.
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dto, you beat me to it. That’s exactly what I was thinking! LOL !!
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Gretchen, the haiku is hilarious. That reminds me, I’ve never liked the word “haiku” – sounds like baby-talk version of “high school”
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Thank you, Ed. My parents would be so proud to see me using my English degree.
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@AWG
Flip Flops across here are what you would wear at the pool (inside, or in some sunnier foreign land of course!).
The term is thankfully losing ground, except with pre-schoolers. Unfortunately its being replaced with the word ‘toe-posts’, which is just too feminine for me.
Its like how I can’t/refuse to use the word ‘hairdresser’, relying on the more gender specific ‘barber’.
I don’t care if my colleagues look at me as if I’m using an archaic word like I was David Niven or Sherlock Holmes.
I get my hair cut at the barber’s, and thats that!
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@Melissa – this is off-subject but some time ago you recomended the movie “Dear Zachary”. I did as you said and read nothing about it before watching it. GREAT film! Thanks for sharing.
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@ Saucy Deb
“the twat doctor” is “the vaginacologist” at my house.
Wife does not like that one, either.
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oops…just added one to my list….sharing. Sounds like church or an AA meeting or really gay.
(Sorry Ed…just a joke and no offence meant.)
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I have relatives that say “acrosst” with the T sound on the end. This is me cringing. Not pretty is it?
I hear oriented pronounced orien-tated so many times I don’t know which way is correct any more.
I can’t say the word “panties” without blushing… and I turn 48 this year. I should have sought help before now.
I had an MRI about 8 years ago. Guess when I figured out I was claustrophobic?
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@ Saucy Deb/hardoxdan
““the twat doctor” is “the vaginacologist” at my house.
Wife does not like that one, either.”
I like the term “the Vagina whisperer”
I will make it my goal to use the word “Vagina” in a business setting tomorrow. Wish me luck. (funny typo before I corrected it was “wish me lick”
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dto, thanks for sharing!
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ya’uns bothers me. It is simular to you’uns or y’all. Only used in southwestern Pennsylvania as far as I know.
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Tim, you forgot the plural form of y’all…… all y’all
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Wow and I thought I was the only person in the world who owned the soundtrack to “The Good, The Bad & The Ugly”
The word that makes me cringe is the Philadelphia mispronunciation of Acme as Ack-A-Me {does that count?]
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Girlgoyle: You have to let on that Acme is an actual grocery store in the Philadelphia area, as opposed to the one stop shop where Wylie Coyote S.G. purchases all his Road Runner killing paraphernalia.
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Jeff on a slightly more serious note would like to know more about the Book process. Were you approached or did you submit? was it their suggestion as to plot or yours? did you have to submit a treatment? were you assigned an editor or just told to deliver a draught? I think a lot of us would find this interesting Well O.K. I would!
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Gretchen it’s the same store;)
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Pagan: Well then, apparently my local Acme was always fresh out of anvils and rocket powered roller skates!
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Every time Acme runs a sale on anvils, I stock up. I have a basement full.
They have rocket powered roller skates? Damn, I missed those. Off to Acme tomorrow. I want a pair.
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Monkey Wards and WallyWorld (for Montgomery Wards and WalMart) give me a full-body pucker.
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Seems like moist is on a lot of people’s list. I’m not a big fan either.
A lot of my pet peeve words are items of clothing: slacks, panties, sneakers, blouse. I don’t like supper either – it’s dinner.
–Steve: oleo is a good one. My mom says oleo. I just call everything butter, whether it is or not.
And my last gripe: there is only one “r” in sherbet. Shur-bit, not shur-bert.
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Jeff…Enos Slaughter! SLAUGHTER would have been cool on the back of your jersey.
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All lists of “greatest albums” are inherently deeply flawed. “What you should own” obviously depends on “what you like” – duh. OK, so I do have nine of their top 75. Yes, I clicked through the whole thing, lacking a life and all.
Bad words include ‘tummy’, ‘poop’ (when used to mean ‘shit’)… well, I guess baby talk in general, when uttered by non-babies. ‘Incent’ – TF?
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I get uncomfortable when people call sex “screwing.” Dunno why. And I have to bite my tongue every time my mom speaks, because she pronounces so many words incorrectly. She actually pronounces the b in “subtle.” I worry that I’ll grit my teeth to stumps.
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Oh yeah, the whipped vegetable oil: my mom calls it oleo, so I grew up saying the same. I don’t call it butter unless it *is* butter. Don’t offer me butter and then hand me oleo – I mean, margarine. More food-related… they are scallions, not green onions and certainly not spring onions. It’s cilantro, not coriander, and ‘coriander’ only has one R (I’m talking to you, Wegmans). Yes, I know what plant it comes from.
Dachshund, not wiener dog, and gesundheit rather than ‘bless you’. Those two are courtesy of some Texas German heritage. And of course it’s a toilet, not a commode.
Jeff, let me add a vote for continuing the saga of Sunshine and Mumbles – either here or on the podcast. Weren’t they in Arizona or something? Speaking of the podcast, have you ever been on radio? I imagine it might be similar, but I’ve never done a podcast.
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Amigos,
Only 0200 on the west coast, so I’m commenting a little early tonight. By the numbers…
1) Regional, obscene, profane, misused, overused, cute, gross, romantic: It’s only words, and words are all I have, to take your heart away. (Well, I didn’t see a BeeGees disc on the 75 list). OK, thank God — I’m just sayin’.
2) Can’t possibly apply an adjective to the list of 75. Just specifics…They got Dylan right, but if I only had 75 records, there’d be more than one Zimmy disc. They got Tom Waits right, which is neither obvious nor easy. They even got Taj Mahal right. (looks like I’m covering the old men again today. shit.) As I recall, they got Marvin Gaye right. Very little jazz, probably not enough. Three or four blues, but that can’t be enough. No Big Mama Thornton or Howlin’ Wolf. I refuse to click 80 more times to remember what else they fucked up.
3) Jeff was on the radio on a regular basis at one time. I think the streams were posted on the old “best of” page. He sounds perfectly normal, has a particularly resonant radio voice, and, based on his deadpan delivery, is even funnier talking than he is writing.
More to come: Commenters have made me nervous today about a long comment; I’m afraid the whole thing will end up at CERN instead of this site. Bring those bits home to mama. I’ll be right back after I wee wee, for cryin’ fucking out loud.
jtb
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Phase 2, in which Doris gets her oats. Yes, that should be phase 1, but I already went through that phase.
4) At the end of weekend comments (thank the Dear Lord that pole picture is gone) there was a very small discussion about MRI music. Specifically, my local MRI joint allows me to bring in one disc, because the player is in the MRI room and the “nurses” (I really don’t know what to call them) are not. If they’re doing an MRI on your penis or your nose, time isn’t a big factor. You’ll be done when the music’s over (no Doors on the list either), and you can sashay away, assuming a normal size penis and/or nose. But if the MRI is going to scan from L3 down through the hip joints (like mine last Monday), you have about 90 minutes to kill without moving your penis or anything else. Thus, I recommended any of many They Might Be Giants discs, because John and John always provide a lot of music for your dollar. They’re just that kind of guys. Fuck. None of this intro was necessary, but I wrote it and I’m not gonna erase it.
So here is the original “New York City” written and performed by Cub, a three girl (grrrl) (woman?) band out of Vancouver B.C.
http://www.myspace.com/cubband
and here is the slightly primative but thoroughly charming video Cub made in the early 90s of the tune:
http://www.myspace.com/lisamarr
Fuck you if you’re not a TMBG fan (and I mean that in the least offensive way I can). TMBG covered the song on their 1996 disc “Factory Showroom”.
I’m most likely in for more MRIs, and Gretchen certainly is, so any other suggestions for CDs with many, many minutes of entertaining music would be welcome. Thanks for not suggesting DVD sound recordings or engaging the “replay” feature on the player. The magnetism destroyed those options long ago.
I’ll be back after I use my pompatus of love.
jtb
By the way, and seriously, what the hell is wrong with calling women’s breasts “breasts”?
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Addendum A: Legal Remedies
Great. My comment is awaiting moderation. So this addendum will make little sense. Ok, at least I’m consistent.
4a) The tour drummer for Cub was Nico Case.
4b) I might be the only American male to own all four Cub CDs. Their music has been described as crush-pop, punk pop and grrrl pop. My oh my.
jtb
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phase 3 — Rommel Drives on Deep into Egypt
5) It has been said that, in the South, one can say any vile, slanderous, or outrageous thing about a third party, including implying rampant beastiality or prima facie damnyankeeism, as long as one ends the sentence with “bless her heart” or “bless his heart”. For example, “I understand that Wanda Sue did the entire pro golf staff and half the caddies on the eighteenth green Thursday night, but I’m sure she’ll make you a fine wife, bless her heart.”
Similarly, in Web forum environments, one can slander, insult, or just razz someone, as long as the entry ends with lol, rofl, lmao, or other Web acronym. I don’t run the Web and nobody has asked me to apply for the position, but if I did I would publish the following suggested usage policy:
Feel free to use Web acronyms like lol, rofl, pmsl, jk, etc., under the following conditions:
a) if you are commenting on a cellular-type device with a shitty keyboard (they all have shitty keyboards),
b) have access to a keyboard, but have lost two or more fingers in a tragic industrial accident (see note #1), or
c) because of a head injury, lack the imagination to convey the idea that you’re kidding or laughing in any other way.
To emphasize, it ain’t my job to tell you how to communicate your ideas and feelings. Do what you must.
I’m not trying to put anybody down. Jeff asked us what words really grated on our soul, and lol and its brothers grate on mine. But if they don’t bother you, fire away.
Note #1 (see above): From the late 1960s through the mid 1980s, there was a dive bar on the waterfront in a then-small fishing village northwest of Tacoma called Gig Harbor. The bar was named “Three-fingered Jack’s” and was owned, not surprisingly, by Three-fingered Jack, who also provided the entertainment nightly, playing piano with his eight remaining fingers. I swear he was as talented and as spirited as Jelly Roll Morton, Mose Allison, or Doctor John. Nobody left before he finsihed his last set. Sadly, Jack is gone, and Gig Harbor is a series of strip malls punctuated with apartment complexes and condos. Sad, sad.
.
It’s 0600 here, 0900 in the east. You all are up and working. Time for me to hit the sack. Hope your day is lovely, successful, and full of joy.
See you on the other side.
jtb
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After reading a JTB comment I’m frequently left with the impression that he is clocking in from some far away wintery outpost in another dimension. Which is not a criticism, just a note on atmosphere. I know logically one can’t possibly maneuver the Internet using a Steam Punked ham radio and a 1950s television set, but that’s what I imagine.
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“coRiandeR” only has one R? Huh?
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Words that drive me crazy are “closure,” no matter how it’s used. It sounds unnecessarily melodramatic, and whenever I hear a guy say it I think he should forfeit his right to own testicles. I also abhor previously obscure, trendy-assed words that suddenly, out of the blue, come into common usage because lazy, unimaginative journalists copy each other like the lemmings they are. The worst example of this was “gravitas” a few years back. Who in the hell ever uttered that word in everyday conversation prior to that time?
The word “playful” is also indescribably gay when used to describe visual media – “make that print ad just a little more playful.” Just what in the HELL does that mean? For that matter, virtually ALL trendy “corporate-speak” makes one sound like a total retard, and it usually comes out of the mouths of recent business school grads who have their heads so far up their own asses that they think they’re coming off as knowledgeable. “Action” that one…
That record list, like most “best of” lists, made no freaking sense – there were a lot of great records on there, but there was a lot of crap, in my opinion. Who in the hell comes up with these lists? I challenge ANYONE to show me anyone who has Minor Threat, Bob Dylan and Jay-Zee records in their collection at the same time (and fat, boring, out-of-touch senior citizen rock crits like Robert Christgau don’t count).
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I loathe the word ‘Moist’. Gross!!
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Nefarious!
Later, y’all
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I would like to break into someone’s house and put a Minor Threat, Frank Sinatra, and Bob Dylan CD in their carousel and see what happens
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It creeps me out when someone refers to “popping” a “cherry”. Maybe most annoying when they are using it to describe any first occurrence in one’s life. I heard one guy referred to taking his son to his first college football game as “popping his cherry”. Nasty. Similarly, the “Property Virgins” show on HGTV(?) Is that supposed to be clever?
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Round out that CD carousel with Luna and Beethoven, and watch the party begin!
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I totally hear you on the tax refund thing. I use it as my end of year windfall. When you said you were getting $1100 back this year I was thinking about all of those “Do Gooders” (like my brother in law and other higher than thou famioy members….coworkers etc) saying “You should always aim for breaking even. You’re giving the government an interest free loan. You know, you could take that money and invest it” BLAH BLAH BLAH. : I get $6000 back every year so trust me I get what you’re saying.
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I hated the word silly forever. I can stand it now. Tummy still bothers me.
NP – Mike Mcconnel Hour 3, 1-18-10 podcast.
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Swami Bologna, on February 2nd, 2010 at 9:40 am Said:
“coRiandeR” only has one R? Huh?
…and in my case it stands for Retard. I meant it has two, not three, Rs. Only one in a row. Not spelled “corriander” as Wegman’s label maker does.
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Dog shit on the rug
Pizza boxes stacked askew
Winter closes in
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Springshine come save us
There are no clean plates or socks
We must breeze our home
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The phrase “smell my hand” always turns my stomach.
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