With Which Famous Person Would You Like To Drive Cross-Country?

Earlier in the week I was driving home from work — in the middle of the night — and my phone started going crazy.  Every time I receive a text message, you see, my Droid goes DROOOOID!  And it was doing that over and over again.  WTS?

I picked it up and had a look, while traveling at 85 mph, and it was Metten.  He was cranking off a whole series of text messages, real late at night.  Huh, he must be drunk, I thought.

When I got home I read them, and here’s what they said:

So I’m standing there minding my own business, right?

And this guy walks up to me on my left…

He hands me this thing and says, “Here, I’m supposed to pass you this.”

I take the thing, hold it up and look at it and I’m like, “What the fuck is this?”

And the guy says, “I’m told it’s a dutchie.”

And I go, “What the fuck is a dutchie?”

He says, “I dunno…but I was supposed to pass it to you…”

So now I got this dutchie.  Weird, huh?

Each of those is an individual text message, sent by Metten in the dark of night.  They made me laugh, but I have a feeling my original estimation of his… state, was correct.  What do you think?

And I’m fundamentally opposed to explaining jokes, but some of you younger whippersnappers are probably scratching your heads in confusion.  So, I’ll break my rule, and link to this video of a big hit song from 1982.

I’m fairly certain “dutchie” is slang for “beer nuts.” but I guess I could be wrong.

For a Question of the Day
, I’d like to know which living person you’d most like to share a vehicle with, on a long road trip.  Say, for instance, you’ve accepted a job of carrying contraband Coors beer from Texas to Georgia.  Who would you like to be riding shotgun during the journey?

Please keep in mind that the two of you will be together for many hours.  So it’s important to choose someone who can be tolerated in large doses.  People like Robin Williams might be amusing for the first ten minutes, but after a while most of us would likely want to turn in our seats and kick his ass out the side door, without first tapping the brakes.

Also, you might want to be careful going highbrow with this thing.  Some folks might be tempted to say Stephen Hawking, or someone like that.  And while his conversation would undoubtedly be fascinating, there are other considerations…

For instance, how does he talk?  I’m unfamiliar with the situation.  Is it one of those electric voice box deals?  If so, it’s an instant disqualification.  I hate to be insensitive, but I’ve had experience with those vibrating throat-hole vibration devices, and they frighten me.

There was an old man on my paper route who was very nice and friendly, but when he’d hold that microphone up to his neck and start going off like Frampton Comes Alive, it freaked me out a little.  One time there was a malfunction and the box started feeding-back on him, and I was left shaking in my Pro Keds for the next two hours.  “Do you feel…?”  Holy shit!

No, I’d have to go with someone who has lived through much history, and seen a lot of stuff — preferably about baseball.  Someone like Vin Scully.  Or Sparky Anderson.  Or maybe even Joe Garagiola.  I’m not sure how Sparky and Joe are doing these days, but if they’re coherent, I think they’d be great car mates.

Clive Bull would be a good choice, as well.

If I could choose a dead person, I might go with Jean Shepherd.  But let’s stick with the living for this exercise, if you don’t mind.

And there ya go:  your Question of the Day.  I’m not sure when I’ll update again, but probably Saturday or Sunday.  Maybe Monday.  Who knows?  I certainly don’t.

In any case, I’ll see you whenever it happens.  A few days older, and a little bit dumber.

Have a great day, my friends.

Now playing in the bunker
Evil Twin shirts now only $13!

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So, who is this guy?

Thanks for stopping by! My name is Jeff Kay, I was born while JFK was president, and it's all very embarrassing and corny. Today I'm a suburban husband and father, who is sometimes accused of being a bit tightly-wound. The West Virginia Surf Report! is my creative outlet, and insurance policy against completely losing my shit. I hope you'll stick around and participate in the lively community of geniuses and curmudgeons who hang out here every day. I love a full 87% of them! And while you're at it, please follow me at Twitter and Facebook.

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