What’s Pissing You Off Now?
To be honest, some of these don’t fully piss me off, they just cause a mild grinding of the teeth and then I’m on to the next thing. But I’m lumping them all together in a giant Piss Me Off hopper, for the sake of simplicity. ‘Cause complications also piss me off…
– The two missing CDs still haven’t turned up. They are: The Promise by Bruce Springsteen (brand new, dammit!), and Singles 45s and Under by Squeeze.
I don’t think Sunshine would take them, because she doesn’t care about such things anymore. But I still blame her, for fostering an atmosphere of chaos. I believe everything was in such a state of craziness that day, I brought the discs in from the car and sat them down in some unusual place. Then they got tossed into the recycling bin with a stack of newspapers or mail.
That’s my theory, anyway. It’s possible they’ll still turn up somewhere, but it’s been several weeks already.
It agitates me, because I’m very particular about such things. I take care of my CDs, and always put them away. Whenever I get into someone’s car and there are discs scattered all around, outside their cases and whatnot, it bothers me on a primal level. And that sure as shit ain’t the way I operate. If Sunny hadn’t been here, spreading her special brand of sunniness, I would’ve gone straight to the bunker and put the discs where they belong.
Grrr…
– It also pisses me off when people casually inject the word “obviously” into their speech. Have you noticed this? It’s a new development I’m picking up on.
For instance, somebody might say, “Obviously, I was raised on a donkey farm in New Mexico…” Obviously? I just met you ten minutes ago. How would I know such a thing? Should I be able to tell by looking?
It’s another irritating trend that’s starting to take hold, and piss me off. It’s along the same lines as people starting sentences with the word “so.” I was listening to a podcast last night, and someone was being interviewed about something or other. And the interviewee answered roughly 50% of the questions with a “so” at the beginning.
Q: How did you originally get started as a writer?
A: So, I was obviously a big fan of Ernest Hemingway as a young teenager…
WTF? This crap wasn’t happening a year ago, and now it’s happening all the time! And I’m about to start throwing haymakers.
– I also grind my teeth when people refer to a sports team as “we.” “We did really well this weekend…” We? What did you have to do with it? You were sitting on your couch shotgunning Coors Light and Fritos Scoops.
When I was in school people used to wear t-shirts that said Property of the Miami Dolphins, or whatever. And I’d always think, “Ha! Of what use would that dickface be to the Dolphins? Maybe he could lie on his back and they could tee up a football in the sunken space beneath his sternum?”
Or maybe they were trying to create the illusion that the shirt itself was property of the Dolphins? You know, as if they picked it up at one of their training camps, or whatever. Bullshit! They bought it at Heck’s for $7.99.
– And it pisses me off when people log onto Facebook and try to convince everyone their life is perfect bliss, 24/7.
“I woke up this morning in my beautiful home, with my sexy, loving husband lying beside me, and my wonderful children sleeping peacefully down the hall. And I realized just how lucky I am, and how great my life truly is. I took a large mug of coffee onto my spacious deck, while the beautiful birds chirped good morning, and I wept, literally wept, with deep-down joy…”
Goddammit! That kind of thing really pisses me off. I’d love to body-check those people into the Grand Canyon.
And I need to go to work now, with two more items left to go. I’ll just keep them until the next edition of What’s Pissing You Off Now?
One good thing to report: I picked up my new contacts today, and I can see again! It’s amazing. I feel like I’ve rejoined the physical world. But let’s not get bogged down in the positive…
In the comments section, please tell us about the things that are pissing you off, right now.
And I’ll be back tomorrow.
Have a great day, boys and girls.
Filed under: Daily
1?
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WB in OH Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 2:13 pm
Assholes who don’t read the update before posting a lame ass “1?”, what the fuck is that supposed to mean anyway. Jackwagon. That’s another thing, the term jackwagon is starting to get a bit over used.
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Dave Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 2:35 pm
One widely-seen commercial is all it takes, you jackwagon. And I don’t want any flibbity-flab or mumbo-jumbo, either.
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football fan Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 4:11 pm
The stoopid Coors light commercials where former coaches are in bogus news conference settings being asked questions by beer-drinking doofuses in the crowd….
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People who post first in a comments section and state they are first.
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Seanette Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 3:00 pm
Agreed. Those lame “first” posts are a waste of space and don’t contribute anything to the page.
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People who complain about people who are “firsters”. AND “firsters” themselves.
btw – I’m third
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johnthebasket Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 9:47 am
Hot…
I reread your comment with the aid of my computer glasses and felt relief. It’s nice to know that you are a firster rather than a fister. Actually, I don’t know that you aren’t a fister. You just implied that you are a firster.
Down here we have birthers. They suspect that people not born “here” are inferior. They need to be fisted. Can’t tell whether you’re available for the job. I only know that you might be a firster.
jtb
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WB in OH Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 10:30 am
I’ve never heard inferiority being an argument of the birthers, I think it has more to do with Article 2, clause 5 of the Constitution. If not for this clause, you could be bitching about what a lousy job Arnie were doing as prez instead of birthers.
I had to look that up, I’m not a birther.
To each his own, may the best person win, when it comes to voting.
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johnthebasket Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 10:44 am
It’s actually Article 2, Section 1. I’m glad you’re not a birther. I think Arnie has done a terrific job in California, and would be happy to vote for him for any job for which he’s eligible under the Constitution.
Yeah, culture unites us and politics divide us. Nothing will convince me that you’re not a good person and a fine writer, no matter which person you vote for.
jtb
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hot fuzz Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 11:52 am
I have been a fister in my day.
Hell, I don’t even know what that means. Something sexual I imagine.
Wouldn’t Article 2 section 1 only apply to the original 13 states at the time of writing? So if they’ll grant he wasn’t born in Africa, would they then use the reasoning that Hawaii wasn’t part of the original 13?
I’m just saying.
We have our own politicians to divide us up here.
Although, having Arnie say “God bless you and God bless the United States of America” with that accent would be most cool.
oh and btw, God Bless You
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Jason Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 12:20 pm
From what I understand “fisting” means to make a fist and shove your fist and arm into a vagina or, in more extreme cases, a rectum.
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hot fuzz Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:40 pm
oh you mean the wife’s and my Saturday night special time.. oh OK now I get it.
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And just like WB and Oggie – I hate myself
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That reminds me of this: http://mockable.org/stuff-you-cant-do-if-you-happen-to-be-invited-to-jeff-kays-house-for-some-reason/. Also, Jeebus man…
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debra Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 5:33 pm
That was great!
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Doug Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 10:51 pm
Damn, only scratching the surface there dude.
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Top 10!!
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It is better to be pissed off than pissed on.
I’m just saying.
Unless you are into that sort of thing…
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So, obviously I’m in the top 10 today!
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So we had a contest at the office where you had to pay a fine for beginning a sentence with “so”. Obviously, it was shortlived. So, we ended it.
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yeah whats with all the top 10 stuff?? anyway, im pissed because i cant find my digital camera which isnt even a year old. my daughter who is almost 2, likes to grab any kind of small electronic she can get her hands on. remote, cell phone, cameras etc. the last i saw of it she was playing with it, i took it away and now i cant find it. so either i forgot where i put it or she grabbed it again and hid it somewhere or im leaning towards that she threw it in the garbage and its long gone. i looked all over, we live in a teeny tiny apartment so it shouldnt be that hard to find. im going to a concert on thursday and id really like to have that camera with me…
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 3:38 pm
Sometimes having kids is like having a crow in the house. Anything shiny will disappear without a trace.
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Theresa Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 7:43 pm
LOL yeah i know oooh btw i found the camera under my dresser, thank god!
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johnthebasket Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 2:01 am
For a moment, I thought she also took your shift key, but the LOL sugests she didn’t.
jtb
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Apparently Jeff’s been watching too much “Seinfeld” lately. Or is “apparently” kissing cousins with “obviously”?
I can get on board with the Facebook crap. I unfriended and blocked someone for subjecting me to a month of her so-called “perfect” life. Well, that and she posted a picture of her Thanksgiving tofu turkey that looked like Eleanor Roosevelt rendered in cement. One has to draw the line somewhere.
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Gretchen Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Oh, and pissing me off today is a cold that’s been hanging on for over a week now. No one should be subjected to this much mucus.
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Melissa Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 2:52 pm
I must have your same cold! Over a week for me & the headache that comes with the mucus doesn’t feel great at all. I’ve gone through four boxes of kleenex & at this point I’m ready to get beheaded if it will give me some relief. Ugh.
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Stephanie Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 3:53 pm
I have been sick for over 10 days now. I finally broke down and went to the doctor 2 days ago and…whoopee…I found out I have pneumonia! Argh. Now taking nasty horsepills for the next 5 days, which the doc says stays in your system for 10 days. I find this questionable, at best.
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Gretchen Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Shit. Hope you get better! And I hope that’s not the trend for the rest of us who are sick.
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b-girl Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:34 am
I had that cold too. One of the worst I have ever had. Come on medical science, can’t you create a drug that prevents mucus production?
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tiff Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 2:36 pm
Eleanor Roosevelt rendered in cement – priceless.
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bikerchick Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 2:52 pm
Gretchen: Or was it Chelsey Clinton….? LMAO!!
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madz1962 Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 3:49 pm
I am picturing the Eleanor Roosevelt tofu turkey and can’t for the life of me stop laughing!
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Gretchen Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 4:00 pm
I’m sure her guests were laughing too, right up to the moment they found out that it wasn’t a centerpiece honoring the First Lady of the New Deal but rather their main course. *hurl*
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So, yeah, there’s that. (Grrrr)
I know, right? (Double Grrr)
Obviously. (OK, enough)
And then there are the people who, when ambling through a parking lot, refuse to move over/speed up/acknowledge the presence of people driving through said parking lot. Not asking for much, just the eyebrow lift of recognition and maybe a little afterburner on the giddyup to get out of my way, but no, nothing. Maddening.
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“I woke up this morning in my beautiful home, with my sexy, loving husband lying beside me, and my wonderful children sleeping peacefully down the hall. And I realized just how lucky I am, and how great my life truly is. I took a large mug of coffee onto my spacious deck, while the beautiful birds chirped good morning, and I wept, literally wept, with deep-down joy…”
If that were a REALLY perfect post, it would have also included some scripture quoting. Now THAT pissed me off…I’ve either de-friended or feed-blocked any/all of my FB correspondents who impose that shit on the rest of us…
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Knucklehead Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 2:31 am
That or the “I’m so blessed…”
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I get pissed when I see co-workers doing personal shit all day long (like reading the Surf Report) and yet, somehow manage every week to get an OT check. The fuck? Nobody’s gotten a decent raise or bonus, yet these lazy fucks are depleting the budget due to imaginary OT??? It gets me so pissed I can punch a nun.
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Angry guy in the picture has hypnotic nostrils. I’m not sure i approve. It pisses me off. Right now. The rest,,, no so much now but in general..
Having to carry around a 12 inch trouser beast with me every where I go. That pisses me off. (that’s the girth btw)
Being completely delusional pisses me off. See previous.
Never having gone to Vegas or spring break before I had a mortgage pisses me off.
Holding a door for someone and they make no effort in the hand off!!! Die motherfucker die motherfucker die motherfucker die.
Holding back so someone can pass by and some other ass hat slips in. Rude motherfuckers.
Drama queen relatives that can’t get over themselves like Dr Phil tells us all to piss me off.
Wearers of cologne/perfume who feel compelled to share their stench. BURN IN HELL.
People in authority who make assumptions rather than ask questions. The same people then downplay concerns when defending information is presented. Lick my bumper.
Condescending political generalizations (like Republicans make – I’M KIDDING)
Pretty boys. You know who you are. Yeah YOU!!! Piss off!!!
That muscle that locks up under your jaw when you yawn. That really does me a wet one.
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Valentin Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 4:36 pm
I know what you mean about the muscle that cramps. That son of a bitch hurts like no other.
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Jeff, I think things like, “so,’ and “obviously,” are just space fillers for people so they will have a chance to mull over a proper response to whatever conversation they are taking part in. I believe it is just human nature to assume that momentary silence is not golden, and we are all expected to make an immediate response to every question posed to us.
I took a class on media interviews once, a long, long time ago. The instructor told us that the typical person being interviewed could not tolerate “dead air” in a media interview. The gist of the lesson was, if they ask you what 2 plus 2 is, answer 4. If the TV reporter doesn’t say anything afterwards…don’t say anything.
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hot fuzz Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 2:47 pm
Good point – that’s another one – ANSWER THE QUESTION YOU WERE ASKED!!!!! (even if I didn’t today)….
Drives me nuts.
Speaking of that…. I was talking to a bunch of buddies about pleasing our ladeeeez…. one guy uses 2 or 3 fingers very slowly…drive’s his wife nuts. Another guy “speaks with a French accent” if you get my drift. It drives his wife nuts!!! I like to dry my dick off after sex on the drapes. it drives my wife nuts.
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Bill in WV Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 3:09 pm
I thought that was how you got your woman to holler in bed?
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icecycle66 Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 7:44 pm
Think faster.
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johnthebasket Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 6:58 am
Or slower. Slower sometimes helps me.
jtb
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It really pisses me off when I am in class and some doofus high schooler raises their hand and asks the professor “Did you know blah blah blah” when that is exactly what they were lecturing about. Jesus if you aren’t going to pay attention then don’t try to impart your “great” knowledge to a man who has a PHD in the damn subject.
God I hate going to college where high schoolers are doing post secondary. I seriously don’t understand how they pass classes when they don’t do any of the homework, forget that we are having quizzes and tests, and always leave their stuff for the class at home. Of course they always get pissy when they get called out on it.
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Tyrosine Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 3:27 pm
Some counselors (and parents) tell undergrads to do stuff like that in class so the professor “gets to know who they are”. The theory being that many scholarships and applications to professional schools (like meds, dentistry, and law) require academic references, so this is a way to get noticed.
Another way to get noticed is to do well on exams, attend office hours when you have a question, and answer questions posed in class. One of these methods works better than the other.
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Phantom Railfan Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 4:07 pm
People who arrive at the Poetry Seminar I’m taking ten minutes after the discussion begins and then sit down and say “Hey, sorry, what are we talking about?”
Yeah, I’m taking a Poetry Seminar. So what?
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Oh, and as to the “what’s pissing me off” question…well, really nothing at the moment. I work rotating shifts and had MAJOR insomnia last night, but at least I get to read a Surf Report update this morning.
What is NOT pissing me off, and what I am truly thankful for, is Jeff doing the updates, day in and day out. Life sucks…but at least we have thewvsr.com to distracts us from the suckiness!
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It’s obvious that they were raised on a donkey farm because they’re a jackass.
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Heck’s!!!!
1) friend from high school used to work security at Heck’s…
2) another friend from high school was arrested at said Heck’s for shoplifting.
Patrick street Heck’s… Not one of the other ones…
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bumblebee Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 7:43 pm
I had the same response. I was reading the surf report to my daughter and screamed “HECKS!!” .
Fred Haddad would be proud, and it makes me a little homesick!
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t-storm Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 6:33 pm
I’m trying to remember where the Hecks was in MArietta. I think it was where big lots is (was?).
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The Jesus people from my high school alma-mater on Facebook piss me off, but I have developed a tolerance for such, even though I have to hum the theme song to “The Facts Of Life” really fast sometimes.
Yesterday an aisle hogger at Kroger’s fretting about fabric softener choices caused me to physically pick up her cart & move it to one side so at least 4 other shoppers (besides me) would have an avenue to pass. Of course, the lady looked at me like I was wearing a porkpie hat made of turds when I picked up her cart…the nerve of him!!!
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t-storm Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 6:35 pm
I hate people who post shit about god and what not. If I see a Him in a post I’m out.
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I’m with you on the people who don’t take care of their CDs and the idiots that use “we” when referring to their favorite sports teams.
The people who go on and on about sports – which team is better, who is going to the playoffs or whatever – those people piss me off. Why do people care so much, unless they bet money on it? Do it have any effect on how their lives will be in the future?
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Bill in WV Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 3:12 pm
Hear the watchdog bark. Do he bite?
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 11:23 pm
Kill my landlord…
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t-storm Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 6:36 pm
Kill my landlord
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b-girl Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:27 am
It’s called a typo, jackass.
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your mom Reply:
January 19th, 2011 at 11:57 am
testy testy! no need for bad language now.
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I had the same problem with CDs as Jeff. I’d carefully put them back in their cases but my wife would just hurl them wherever. She once used one as a coaster, defending doing so by saying “it was face down”. I finally got in the habit of making a copy for day to day use and putting the original in storage. If the copy gets damaged no great loss, just burn a new one. Most of my music is on my computer now, so I don’t even need to find the origional. This also works for DVDs as well.
What’s pissing me off today? The office drama queen is visibly distraught over how “thoughtless and cruel” Ricky Gervais was last night at the Golden Globes. I didn’t watch the show but she was on the verge of tears this morning describing how horribly he treated “poor” Johnny Depp and she’s been going on about it still.
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Bill in WV Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 3:14 pm
Didn’t Gervais run himself over at the Twit of the Year Olympics?
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Valentin Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 4:41 pm
Just tell the bitch to shut up and get a fucking life.
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Valentin Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 4:42 pm
I’m not saying all women are bitches I’m just saying if she’s crying over something like the fucking Golden Globes then she must be a bitch.
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johnthebasket Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 7:06 am
Valentine…
Take it a little easy on the wimmin words. This site requires writing, not just typing. Only an observation. I’m not the po-lice.
jtb
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b-girl Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:24 am
WTF? Depp smiled at the joke at his expense.
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Lee Harvey Ramone Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 12:29 pm
Johnny Depphas got such a purty mouth, though…(sniff)
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There is no greater offense right now than the asinine use of the word “really” a la Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler in the SNL News whatevers. SNL is on thin ice in general in my opinion.
REALLY?
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Valentin Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 4:44 pm
SNL has been dead for years.
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t-storm Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 6:38 pm
it goes in waves. If it didn’t die in the 80′s it’ll be around until at least lorne dies.
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I’m just saying and I know right. Adding a just saying to the end of something does not give you a free pass to say whatever you want.
As in:
Todd:
Those pants make your camel toe look fat. I’m Just Saying….
Margo:
I know, right!
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Pissin me off:
People who pull out in front of me and then drive 5 to 10mph under the limit.
People who are trying to get a home loan at the bank drive-thru window. (I know they aren’t but shit how long does it take?)
Yes they are Toaster Scrambles…they are all the same…pick one and get the hell out of the way, fatass.
Telemarketers calling me on my cell phone.
And to all the convenience store checkout babes…I know I am getting old…don’t call me Honey! (unless you are piping hot.)
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madz1962 Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 4:43 pm
People who pull out in front of me and then drive 5 to 10mph under the limit.
Amen, brother.
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My mortgage is pissing me off right now. I’m starting to seriously look at the “strategic default” option. I still owe $130K on my condo, and it’s currently worth about $40K.
I can still afford it… I haven’t suffered any sort of financial hardship. I just don’t feel like making a monthly mortgage payment of $1000, plus the $200 in HOA fees. What’s the point, when I’ll be underwater on it for the next 10-15 years?
Additionally, I’m going to need to sink some money into it for repairs soon. The carpeting in the bedroom has become really worn. And I can hear my neighbors every morning through the one wall. I don’t have a job in home construction or renovation, but I’m guessing that these things will cost me at least $2000 or $3000 to have fixed.
All of that for a place that I don’t even like? And it’s a 1BR, so it’s not like I can stay there if/when I get married and have kids. Awesome.
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bikerchick Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Jimbo: I’m paying over $800 for a fucking house I owe less than 30K for. My ex never notified me of mailings he was getting regarding the home owners insurance….let it lapse. The mtg company put their own insurance on it and ended up raising the mtg pymt over $300. Now I can’t get it back down. To top it off, he rented out the house to a friend of his for only $400(!!!) a month. You can’t get Section 8 housing for $400!!! It’s a goddamn mess and I have to get out of it. Fast.
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Jimbo Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 4:18 pm
Ouch, you have more of a right to be pissed off than me. That really sucks Good luck getting it worked out.
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Jimbo Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Related to this… I’m really pissed off at people who bought their first home AFTER the real estate bubble burst.
I’m not mad at ALL people who just bought their first home… it’s specifically the people who won’t shut up about their home and how they got such a fucking awesome deal.
Especially the assholes that are in their mid-20s. Well of course you bought a home now, rather than at the peak of the real estate bubble. You were finishing up college in 2007. You didn’t even have the chance to buy a place before the market tanked. So fuck you for being so proud of yourself. It’s called dumb luck.
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It’s pissing me off that my boss and the Mrs. (who “runs” the office) are on their 42nd vacation within a year. I don’t begruge him a vacation one bit. However, the wife is a fucking river rat who happened to suck the right dick. I hope she falls overboard during the “jazz cruise” on the high seas.
This is the true d-bag she is and what completely pissed me off over the holidays and why I WILL NOT spend another holiday season in this office…one of many reasons but this is the icing…. We received several gift baskets from reps and patients over the holidays. A few were specifically for the employees from patients who have appreciated everything we have done for them. We were not allowed to open a basket until she went through it first. After we would leave, she would pick through the baskets taking what she wanted, and leave us the bruised fruit, fruitcake, and stale hard candy. She actually used one gift basket to regift to another office who often refers patients. We had a patient who brought myself and my coworker (there is only us two) a box of chocolate covered pretzels to thank us for all the paperwork we do for him. I went to the kitchen after lunch one day for something sweet…it was gone. I went into her office. There it was…shoved in her purse. Cheap fucking pig whore. This women is pure evil in sheeps clothing.
I could go on forever about the shit she pulls on us. So, I’m pissed off DAILY.
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Linda Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 4:39 pm
I used to work for a husband and wife team like that. The real fun started when they split up. The husband asked me to have the water and electricity turned off on her, and I was only too happy to help him with that. Everything was great once she was out of the picture.
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Valentin Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 4:48 pm
If you plan on leaving anyway, tell that bitch to back off.
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madz1962 Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 4:50 pm
Man, bikerchick, you work for a real (ryhmes with punt). Although not as bad, I worked with a woman who would seek out any leftover food – regardless if the shit was green with mold or smelled like a snail’s ass – and thought it was HER RIGHT to bring it home. She grabbed a mammoth tray of sandwiches one afternoon before anyone else even got a friggin whiff of them.
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hot fuzz Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 5:31 pm
runt? where did you get that she was smaller than average?
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Gretchen Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 5:02 pm
Maaaaan, that sounds like the worst. Maybe you can arrange for a horrible botox accident.
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Bill in WV Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 11:24 am
Ahhh, sabotage is the greatest revenge factor. Think of something to do to her that will place the blame on her and make her look as stupid as she is.
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Brittney Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 12:45 pm
Uggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She sounds like a real cunt. Who the fuck DOES that to people?!? Man.
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t-storm Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 6:41 pm
sounds like your ex pain in the ass office bitch, B.
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Other things that are pissing me off… when visitors drive through the work parking deck at 1 mph. Do they not understand the concept of a parking deck??? If there are no spots open, drive up to the next floor. The deck has an elevator!
Also, winter is pissing me off. Yeah, it’s around 50 degrees here in Atlanta today, but we still have some snow on the ground from a week ago. And even worse than the cold is the really short days. I can’t wait for us to have sunlight until 8:00pm. Even if it means that it’s 100 degrees outside.
Also, being fat is pissing me off. I’m about 210 right now, and I need to get down to 190. It should take me about 2 or 3 months, which isn’t bad. But it means spending an hour at the gym almost every day. Why did I let myself go?
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AngryWhiteGuy Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 12:54 pm
Jimbo, I’m guessing you are a lot younger than me, but I haven’t been 210 for nearly 25 years and would be happy to have that weight. Clocking in at 280, I remember what it was like to be over 300. Even early last year I was under 240. If you find something that works, please use this forum to pass it along. I used to like it on top, but Child Bride started getting crushed and I need to trim the weight badly before I kill her. Bottom’s not so bad, but gotta have the top to mix it up once in a while.
PS, I love Atlanta, but not Hotlanta
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t-storm Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 6:44 pm
I worked my way up to 270. Not happy here, but am really lazy, and a drunk. I think buying a house will help a bit. I’m currently in an apartment that is sucking the life out of me.
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It did not really piss me off, but I experienced several of the common scenarios at the post office the other day.
First, I should say that even though I live in one of the biggest cites in WV, the main post office is a tiny place.
When I came in, there was a dude going on and on with the only person working behind the counter. He seemed to want something they did not offer, and wanted to use the postal worker as a breathing form of Google.
After a while, another postal worker came out to set up his station. Some girls in front of me walked towards his station. He made them stop. He left his station two times, came back, and sort of stared into space for a few minutes. Then announced he was open for business.
Meanwhile, the guy at the counter is still trying to get information from the other postal worker.
A smelly guy behind me started making noises about waiting.
Finally the guy asking all the questions at the counter left and someone jumped ahead of me to get to the woman postal worker’s station.
The girls in front of me finished their business and left.
I stepped up to the guy’s station, and he told me he would be right back, and walked away for about 10 minutes.
I thought it was all sort of funny.
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters….
Something that pissed me off just today
Had to get gas in the car. All four pumps at the station were being used, so I pulled off to the side and positioned myself to pull in once one was available.
A car pulled out and as I put the car in gear, some geriatric dick rag cut across the lot in front of me a took the space.
I almost beat his ass right there on the spot.
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What pisses me off are the countless “celebrities” who claim to be naturally having twin boys and girls. the mathematical probability of that is like .6%. Do these folks think we are just idiots?
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Heck’s. Ha! Hadn’t heard that store name in quite a while.
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It pisses me off when couples say, “We’re pregnant.” It’s okay to say, “We’re expecting,” but only one of you is pregnant.
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madz1962 Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 5:08 pm
I would shoot right back “Oh, do WE get morning sickness? Do WE get hemmorids?” I have a feeling after the wife experiences a few bouts of the aforementioned they’ll be dropping that WE shit real soon.
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t-storm Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 6:46 pm
Maybe we did?
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Ya know what pisses me off? Blurbs like this that are foisted upon us mere mortals when some management dickwipe gets hired. (true blurb, specific name and former company edited so that I may not get fired)
“[Dick] also brings to us significant diversity in experience. The majority of his 34-year professional career has been spent at [Acme Inc.], where he excelled in management roles. He has gained progressive experience in product and customer quality leadership, program management, global business strategy and operations. He has demonstrated leadership in end-to-end business process optimization and large-scale program management. He has a record of visionary direction and tactical goal setting that has delivered bottom-line results in quality improvement, technology development and new product realization.”
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Stepping in a pool of cold, wet, in your socks. Nothing shoots my blood pressure up faster than sudden cold, wet socks.
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The perfect life facebookers get instant blocked so I never have to read their crap again. So do people who get political, post multiple times every day describing the minutia of their lives, and people who post statuses about how freakin’ wonderful their mother/spouse/child/etc/etc and ask their facebook friends to “repost if you agree”. grrrr
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So, it pisses me off that you did not get to the last two items.
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Many things piss me off on a daily basis. I think I get pissed easily.
1. “It is what it is”. I hate this saying. I’m not sure why, but it really, really bothers me. I think it”s because my former uppity co-workers used to say it all the time.
2. People who don’t use turn signals when making a left turn when there is no turn light.
3, Shoppers with a full cart who go through the express lane at the grocery store.
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tracy in ohio Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 8:10 am
Shoppers with full carts that go through the self checkout piss me off. There is no way they are going to check themselves out faster than a person that works at the store.
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My biggest piss-off is when someone is in front of you at the cash register, has unloaded their items from the cart onto the belt and then won’t move said fat ass to the end where the card-swipe machine and check writing spot are. Noooo….they just keep their friggin empty basket parked right in front on the checkout belt giving you no access to unload ANY of your stuff. They just stand there and wait for all of it to be scanned and then proceed to write their check, etc. and won’t move the ‘ef out of the way until they’re completely done. My friggin’ basket could’ve been totally unloaded but, no, I haven’t even begun until they’re walking out of the store. I’ve almost lost it on some blue-haired seniors before…and that ain’t good.
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stuff that pisses me off:
Jeff Kay has still not got his book published.
Color Andy Griffith episodes.
Three Stooges episodes with Shemp in them.
Wal Mart.
All the “we buy gold” places on every corner.
The annoying bitch that lives next door.
People that take more that one space to park their car.
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Definately NOT pissing me off… set volume to 11 and laugh…
http://thedailywh.at/post/2796369859/stop-what-youre-doing-and-watch-the-hell-out-of#disqus_thread
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When I hear somebody refer to a team as “we”, I’ll reply “holy crap, I didn’t know you made the team! Congratulations!” …the reply to which is generally a blank stare. And if the shirt is a jersey, they paid more like $79.99 (or more), over at nfl dot com.
“Am I a douchebag? Of course. Do I know what I’m talking about? No, but this way I can fill a few more seconds of airtime, as opposed to making proper sentences.”
Grocery carts left at large blocking the aisle, owner nowhere in sight.
People whose only use for the turnsignal is to lay claim to a parking space.
.
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Today is a what doesn’t piss me off day.
First off: my husbands “large and loving, supportive” family that has totally bailed when things got a little rough. fuck you asshats. Makes me want to get divorced, just a little tiny bit, so we no longer share the same last name.
Second: my husband. this is my secong marriage and if it fails, thats it. Next I am going to marry a woman. I can guarantee I would be wonderful at that.
that is all.
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Bill in WV Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 11:37 am
Wow, just WOW !
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I will take your “obviously” gripe and up you an “actually”
Grrrr.
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It pisses me off that I’m way behind in listening to my favorite poscasts.
It pisses me off that FOX cancelled The Good Guys.
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mudpup Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 12:23 pm
They cancelled it?, SHIT that was a funny show.
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mudpup Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 12:31 pm
It is still listed at FOX website as on Sat @10 pm.
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This is what pissed me off today: Douchebags that can’t leave my office door in the same position as they found it. If it was closed when you came in, close it when you leave. If it was open all the way, leave it open all the way. If it was closed halfway, LEAVE it halfway closed when you leave. Jesus H. Christ.
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johnthebasket Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 6:22 am
Hi, JR. You have an office door.
jtb
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‘God is great’ and ‘my life is great’ status updates get you ass hide or unfriended in my FB domain.
I love the Heck’s reference. Does anybody know what the letters in the name Heck’s stand for?
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Bill in WV Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 11:38 am
Haddad and Ellis are the first two. Can’t think of the others.
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Oh, and I ordered a pair of boots and was told it would take 2 weeks to get them here from Kansas. Sheesh…that guy will be really tired but my boots should be good and broken in. Oh brother.
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I’m pretty laid back so…obviously my word of choice is annoyed but I’ll go with pissed off.
People’s instance they confide in me about creepy shit I’d rarther not hear nor have any business knowing. And it’s always gossip and behind someone’s back talk. Fuck you, I’m busy, go away shut the fuck up. I usuall just say…”I’m not interested” and walk away when they start that stuff. I do! I don’t care what they think. I’m not obligated to listen to any of it.
Oh…and I had no idea Poetry Seminars even existed…just sayin’
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dto Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 12:26 am
There once was a poet from Rhymingdale
who was quick witted and strong with the verse.
Full volumes he’d fill with his thoughts and his quill
and not one word rhymed
and people thought he was great
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I just had a hot toddy made with Maker’s Mark to combat my cold (Maker’s Mark, honey, and lemon = nature’s Nyquil). No longer pissed about much of anything. yay
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I am pissed off that it is winter.
I am pissed off about not having a job, or health insurance.
I am pissed off about a subpeona I recently received.
My sister pisses me off.
My brother pisses me off.
My high blood pressure pisses me off.
I should stop right now.
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johnthebasket Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 6:52 am
I feel your pain, Mr. WV; in enumerating your anger, I think you came very close to writing the world’s best, if only, Joik Cinquain.
I think this beautiful counting poem places annoyance with shopping practices and driving habits in proper perspective.
I’m just sayin’…
jtb
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oooo… I got a couple more:
Skiers. I live in western MA and all the skiers from CT, NYC area and NJ are always clogging up the highway in my area (Friday nights northbound and Sunday or Monday holidays southbound). 60 mph in the fast lane on a dry highway tonight.
People who say “fustrated” instead of “frustrated”. Alice Cooper was complaining about that one on his radio show tonight.
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johnthebasket Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 6:40 am
Alice Cooper has a radio show?
jtb
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 10:29 am
Nights with Alice Cooper. More classic rock.
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The Qweezy Mark Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 10:46 am
Pick it up online at KLPX.com
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Casey J Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:03 pm
my father says “flustrated” drive me nutso.
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How do you guys get the Polly Perfect posters on F-book? I canceled my account because I was tired of the whiny-ass-titty-babies whose posts were like the phones calls I used to get from drunken former college roommates at 2:AM:
Gawd, life sucks soooooo bad, and if I didn’t have friends like all of you, I would just lose it. I LOVE YOU, MAAAAAAAANNN! I just, y’know, LOVE YOU!
And then they’d post the most recent internet glurge about a friend who does something wonderful and then dies, thereby changing their friends, and indirectly, the whole freakin’ planet, forever.
I had to practically break my fingers to keep from writing a flame-o-gram to these whiners. I still throw up in my mouth a bit, remembering.
Anyway, thanks for letting me rant. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
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johnthebasket Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 6:55 am
If you insist on asking near-reasonable questions, what the fuck are you doing on Facebook?
I’m just sayin’, not really askin’.
jtb
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Fer what it’s worth… A tip of the Hatlo hat to Bill, for “Didn’t Gervais run himself over at the Twit of the Year Olympics?”
That little sentence has all the fixins and none of the goop. Nice.
jtb
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Bill in WV Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 11:42 am
LOL!
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An open invitation. Don’t know where to start. I’ll try to squeeze in as much as I can before work.
Let’s start with the weekend. Go to a general admission concert (Cake) and get up front, right in front of the microphone. Got there at 6:30 for an 8:00 show. People shorter than me (which was everyone there) that got there later, once the show started, asking me if they could get in front of me to see, since they were so fucking stupid to choose to stand right behind me during the sardine packing festivities. Don’t get there late and expect me to fix your view for you. Or how about the dumbass that went to get beers for him and his girlfried that was also in the front, up next to the metal railing that divides us fans from the band. You know, just before the three foot walkway that the security (and I use that term loosely). Unbelievably, the guy accused me of shoving him when he tried to get back to his “spot” and screamed “That’s a fight right there mufferfooker!” and punched me in the face. Fucking idiot! During his second punch I grabbed his wrist, twisted it behind his back and grabbed some shirt in the process. Used the other hand to grab his waistline and threw him over the partition. Perfect ten score faceplant. The “security” dragged him away, never to be seen again. Oh, the highly trained “security officers” questioned everyone around, who agreed that the asshole punched me first, and they said in a professional matter “That’s cool!” and let me slide. To add insult to his injury, Petunia Pig, his girl, stayed in place, drank both their beers and had a great time for the next two hours.
While in St. Petersburg, several bums came up to me asking me for money. Gave them the standard Everlast- “Get a job, you fucking slob” while the Child Bride tried to dig money out of her bag. Once she got it out before I could stop her and threw it at what appeared to be Abe Vigoda. He picked it up and said “C’mon, ya got more than that don’t you?” I snatched it back and told him to fuck off. Those types piss me off. Appreciate us buying your drugs and liquor.
Homeless guy with the “GOLDEN VOICE”. Tell me this isn’t going to play out the way we all think it will. Don’t want to be homeless—don’t have nine fucking kids unless you are a CEO or an overpaid athlete.
People in Fla. who complain when it gets below 60 degrees. Fucking pussies! “Well, I’ve had about enough of this “cold weather”" Then move to Mexico. We’ll get at least four bodies per trade-in.
All Monday night television on the major networks. Seriously, did they think “The Cape” would captivate us? Hasn’t everyone had enough of Charlie Sheen’s shit? Happt to have a year of Netflix, since I didn’t have to pay for it. Instant gratification through the XBox is the way to go.
Oatmeal at McDonalds. It’s the same microwaved Quaker stuff you can make at home for 1/10 the cost. And you don’t have to wait for the three minutes it takes Guadalupe to microwave it for you.
Promises of 5 dollar a gallon gas. Just fucking surprise us with it. Don’t tell someone you are going to kick them in the balls a year from now.
Now I’m late for work. I hate the library for not having a visible clock.
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Casey J Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:06 pm
we think the same. very cool. hahahaha
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Casey J Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:08 pm
in our next lifetimes we could be grumpy soul mates. awesome. just awesome.
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t-storm Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 6:52 pm
From what I’ve read and visualized about AWG I would not punch him in the face EVER.
I do know the type of guy though, I would have enjoyed that.
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I understood very little of this until AWG arrived on the scene. The man is brassed off. No little grocery store or driving quibbles. Our guy gets pissed off at 2nd degree battery and 2nd degree assault. Pretty sure one of those is a felony. You tell the fuckers, AWG. And take no shit from those swine.
love
jtb
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Bullies….people who threaten and bully other people, trying to keep them from commenting on certain websites.
People who make threats to keep people from writing in their blog by sending them threatening emails and such.
That really pisses me the fuck off.
And honestly I’m pretty fucking tired of it, so if you’re reading this, you are a coward and you need to leave me the HELL ALONE ALREADY!
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Tammie Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 10:02 am
The above comment is directed at the COWARDLY FUCK who has made my life hell for the past year.
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Brittney Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 12:37 pm
Nice. Sock it to em sister.
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Son of Sam Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:05 pm
Don’t let ‘em win Tammie give it right back!
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Gretchen Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:22 pm
Is someone here bullying our Tammie??!! KNOCK IT OFF!
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hot fuzz Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:36 pm
CHICK FIGHT!!!!
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t-storm Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 6:53 pm
Can’t you block them?
And fuck off asshole.
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People who use more than 3 or 4 words to order a cup of coffee.
The way they say “school” here in Alabama (they say “scewwww”).
Anybody that knocks on my door unexpectedly can DIE!
People that ride bicycles on the highway.
Anyone that doesn’t obey my every command.
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So – interestingly enough – I am completely blissed out about how wonderful my life is……at this time. Yeah; right?
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Lee Harvey Ramone Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 12:19 pm
Now I’ve gone and pissed myself off! I don’t need other people to piss me off, I take care of that myself.
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I’m glad Jeff brought up the facebook status thing. I hate it when people constantly type ‘I am truly blessed…’ pretty much followed by the exact same example Jeff used. There is a girl I finally deleted off my Facebook because at least 4 times a day her status was, “I am so blessed to have my wonderful husband, and my beautiful kids”…2 hours later, “I am so blessed to have married such a wonderful man” 2 hours later, “So blessed to be alive with my wonderful husband’
The problem I have with this is that the people I see overusing it on Facebook are people that completely should not be using this word to describe their lifestyle. It seems sacrilegious to me or something. Not to mention, this girl posted pictures of her wedding with a guy she’d just gotten back together with 2 weeks before the wedding, and it was supposed to be a Halloween themed wedding in the middle of November. She had a blue wig on and 80′s blue eye shadow up to her eyebrows and her husband was in a white T-shirt and jeans and fake bloody teeth marks on his neck. I’m guessing she was supposed to be a blue haired, 80′s vampire? Who knows. They looked like they got married in someone’s front room too, so whatever. People like that should not be using ‘blessed’ as a way to describe their trashy lifestyle. Lucky would work just fine.
I am also getting really burnt out on people saying, ‘Just saying’ after every sentence to deter the fact that they probably just said something really ignorant. I will admit I’ve used the phrase, but now it makes me cringe. I just don’t think it’s funny anymore…
Just sayin’.
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Oh and Com Ed…Com ed pisses me off too.
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I’m pissed that “A Bowl of Corn Motherfuckers” disappeared.
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Oh another thing I hate on facebook…when people use the word cum instead of come. This is literally a comment I copied and pasted from someones facebook, “thanks suga!!!! yea how you doin???? def gotta go out dancin when i cum back in town wit all u fine ladies!!!! those were sum good times!!!! xoxoxo”
That sad part is she’s actually a really nice girl, but this just make her look like complete trash.
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Son of Sam Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:07 pm
She’ll be cummin round the mountain?
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Bill in WV Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:18 pm
When she cums.
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hot fuzz Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 1:35 pm
She’ll be cummin round the mountain
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t-storm Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 6:29 pm
she’ll be ridin’ six white horse…
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I hate personal ads. I’m in my late low 30′s now so I understand that the chicks I might see in these ads might have kids. I get it, I accept it, it’s ok.
But if I’m trying to decide if I want to spend 36 bucks at Olive Garden in an effort to one day see your vagina I don’t want to see a reminder that some retard that you hate had had his filthy disease infested wiener in there previously.
Also, I get it, you have kids. I don’t need to know that they are “your world” or “everything you live for”. I’m not asking for “I have 3 kids that remind me of my fuckbag of an ex that I just can’t wait to turn 18 so I can evict them like an outgoing speaker of the house”. But somewhere in the middle. I have kids that I love. Done and done. And don’t tell me your failed abortion was “the best thing that ever happened to me”. If your initial reaction is “oh shit” or “it’s not mine!” it was not the best thing that ever happened to you. Getting two bags of fritos for 75 cents at the vending machine at work was.
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Kevindust Reply:
January 21st, 2011 at 12:57 pm
Well said t-storm, I concur.
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The bartender kicking me out 10 minutes before bar time when I’m trying to finish my beer but other people aren’t getting kicked out. (At a place I’ve spent over $4,500 in the past 11 months)
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I just hate it when that happens. I’ll be sitting there, next to the bartender’s hot girlfriend, having a perfectly civil discussion about religious politics and how the asshole mayor should just shut the fuck up, and the bartender gets all macho and runs me out. He’s done that three or four times, and it pisses me off when I remember it.
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