The West Virginia Surf Report!

What TV Shows and Movies Would You Not Watch, Even If They Paid You?

By

littlecouple

Last night Toney and I were watching TV, and twice a commercial for another show came on, and Toney said, “I wouldn’t watch that crap if they paid me.”

What TV shows and movies would fall into that category for you? What would you refuse to watch, even if there was a small amount of compensation involved? Tell us about it in the comments.

And I’ll be back with a real update on Monday.

Have a great day, my friends!

Now playing in the bunker
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Comments

  1. Any “Real Housewives” “Jersey Shore” anything with Hatfield and McCoy in the title, any panelled talent contest, and talent contest. So, basically TV. Thank God for Netflix.

  2. Anything Kardashian related. Or “real” housewife. Or bachelor shows. Or poker games. Or pretty much everything that’s supposedly reality. It’s all BS and a waste of brain.

    Except for Duck Dynasty. That shit’s hilarious.

  3. Anything “duck” or “dynasty” related
    Anything “river” or “monster” related
    Anything “TLC” related
    Anything “cable news” related

    So essentially – all those extra channels I pay for, I don’t watch.

  4. Although I do watch some reality shows, I won’t watch any of the biker gang shows, or any of the shows were people are suppose to be doing “illegal” things.

    That Amish Mafia show is one such example. That show is really bad.

    I won’t watch any of those reality shows set in WV either. The one about the “gypsy” strippers or whatever they are is sad and pathetic.

    • Moonshiners isn’t bad, but that dipshit tickle is getting his own show. It’s the glorification of the South by making fun of it. Not a fan.

  6. Those god-forsaken programs on HGTV showing pretentious twenty-somethings whining about buying a million-dollar house!

    • I like to watch those on the rare occasions when I’ve forgotten that I hate people. “Ugh, I don’t like the color of this room!” IT’S CALLED PAINT, YOU BAG OF DOUCHE.

      • EXACTLY why I hate it! “The closets are too small.” Yeah, you’re looking at a hundred-year-old house, brainiac!

  7. I love Little People Big World!!! Rather watch it than any Kardashian crap. The majority of todays programming sucks. I watch OLD tv shows for the most part. I hate Teen moms 16 and pregnant and ect all that does is promote bad behavior/

  9. I was reading this to my husband who yelled out ‘Jersey Shore” and “Honey Boo Boo”. I’d have to agree with him here and add anything with “Kardashian” in the title. Probably anything ‘reality’ that isn’t.

    I’m sure there is more, but that is just off the top of my head.

  11. Would not watch if they paid me: 99% of what is on television and 98% of all movies. Not even for mindless entertainment.

      • Yep. What maineseadog and Clueless said.

        I Turned The TV Off Week 8 years ago and never turned it back on. I’m not missing a damned thing.

        Well, except for the $100+ bill cable bill every month for crappy mindless “entertainment”. Charter misses ME.

  12. Any of the Bachelor varieties.
    Any of the Karaoke shows.
    Anything with pseudo-businessman Donald Trump involved.
    Televangelism of any kind.
    Anything that mistakes using a uterus like a clown car for interesting drama.
    Anything that treats a business that I would never frequent run by fame whoring “eccentrics” as interesting (Duck Dynasty, Pawn Stars, That one where they buy storage buildings – that’s a thing, isn’t it?, wedding dress shops, etc.)
    Any “reality” show where being a bitch, and idiot, or an asshole seems to be the casting requirement. (pretty much all of them)

  13. Anything where a bunch of unemployed morons use the word “squatch”
    –
    Swamp-People is freaking hilarious though…especially the 2 guys that make stew out of frogs and squirrels.

  15. Honey Boo Boo, any child beauty pagent shows, any kartrashian show. I actually don’t watch much TV, it’s all crap.

  16. Any network “news”.
    Anything Oprah.
    Anything with singing/dancing/judging or bachelor or bachelloretts involved.

  17. Anything with the letter ‘B’ in the title (or an “S’ for that matter).

    I’m a very discerning viewer, doncha know.

  18. Am I the only one here that would watch anything you put in front of me in exchange for a little cash? (Or a burrito?)

    The other day I sat and watched back-to-back episodes of “Naked and Afraid” for free, for pete’s sake.

    • I vaguely remember being able sit passively and watch whatever was on the TV back when I used to smoke what is now referred to as “medicinal marijuana”

      • Back in the day, after ingesting the right substance, I could sit and watch the leaves on the trees grow.

  19. You would have to strap me down and tape my eyes open for me to watch “Real Housewives”, Kardashian shit, Bachelor and bachelorette shows, America’s got talent, American idol, Hoofin’ with the Has-Beens (formerly known as Dancing with the Stars), Jersey Shore, Bridezillas, My Fair Wedding, Bad Girls Club- in other words, any show featuring a lot of ugly loudmouths all trying to out shout one another and looking like assholes in the process. It may amuse me for about 11 seconds while the first punch is thrown but it isn’t entetaining and doesn’t hold my attention.

    I would have to be on a morphine drip to watch “Gone With the Wind”, too. I just never got the appeal for that.

    • I’m happy people are starting to get tired of the “American(s) x <— like american idol, american's got talent…… all that bullshit. Give me goddamn Magnum PI, or Simon and simon. Why cant the networks realize that Netflix and original cable shows are beating the fuck out of them. P.S. Vikings, Always Sunny, Walking Dead, Breaking Bad…etc are the future of entertainment, but the networks are still trying to hold on to that reality shit.

      • Charlie Kelly here, local business owner and cat enthusiast. Is your cat making too much noise all the time? Is your cat constantly stomping around driving you crazy? Is your cat clawing at your furniture? Think there’s no answer? You’re so stupid! There is! Kitten Mittens. Finally, there is an elegant, comfortable mitten for cats…. I couldn’t hear anything! Is your cat one-legged? Is your cat fat, skinny, or an in-between? That doesn’t matter! Cause one size fits all! Kitten Mittens! You’ll be smitten! So come on down to Paddy’s Pub. We’re the hoooooooommee of the original Kitten Mittens. Meeeeeeeeeeowwwww!

  20. And forgive me Jeff, but for the briefest of moments, I thought ypu superimposed your own head on the happytrio pictured above.

  21. Any of the “housewives” shit. It just reminds me if how these bitches sit around doing nothing and getting paid for it. They all look cheesy, are pulled too tight and wear entirely too much make-up.

    In fact, most reality shows. I would love to know who comes up with these ridiculous ideas and how they find these goofballs to film.

  22. I’m a real, honest-to-goodness Hatfield. Talk about selling your birthright…and I already disliked all those programs. It’s embarrassing to watch those idiots. I made myself sit through one episode…no more. Housewives shows and the Kardashians are the most unbearable for me.

    It should be ‘surreality’ TV.

  23. –Any series involving zombies, vampires, werewolves, or retreaded fairy tales.
    –Any and all unnecessary “re-imaginings” of older shows or movies.
    –Anything involving “experts” hunting for ghosts or bigfoot.

    • Oh Christ yes, “Ghost Hunters” with that over acting swoopy haired asshole. “I feel something in here.” and then throws himself down shaking.

      There was another fucktoid on The Travel Channel – Bert somebody who did all the extreme vacations, amusement parks and whatnot. He made my top 10 list of dick punch recipient awards.

    • My only exception to this? Ancient Aliens! It cracks me up to watch it because they take that stuff so SERIOUSLY! Especially the dude with the bird’s nest hairdo!

  24. Pretty much all of the above, the only cable I watch (at my neighbors, funk that cable bill) is AMC and Fox Sports Ohio for my beloved Redlegs.

    Where is JCIII on this important issue, his twitter feed would lead me to believe his missus exposes him to all sorts of good TV.

  25. I almost forgot – CBS’ “The Doctors” with that loudmouth pretentious prick sitting on stage in his scrubs to give the illusion he possesses some kind of medical degree.

  26. I just recalled two of the really odd reality shows that I ever saw.

    1. (may have been on MTV) A show about a bunch of rich older girls who were sent to live in a house and learn how to do things – such as clean toilets.

    2. A show about older women in their 50s-70s having relationships with men 20-30 years younger that them.

  27. Too many shows to mention. All of the above. Every single one of the people involved in these shit shows deserve a thorough crotch punching.

  30. MSNBC
    Any show about the Kardashians
    Talent competitions
    Dating shows
    Real Housewives of Wherever
    Amish Mafia (Wtf?)
    Most of the crap on Lifetime

  31. I agree with pretty much everything said so far.

    But I think we’ve forgotten one important catagory: daytime talk.

    Maury, Jerry, Steve and others of their ilk need to have the earth open up and swallow them. I can’t stand how willing the “guests” are to debase themselves just to be on television for a few minutes.

    Every time you watch one of those shows a book commits suicide.

  32. I would much rather watch Cardassians than Kardashians – probably misspelled both.

    If you have cable or satellite, you are paying about $5 a month for ESPN. Damn, I need to cancel that shit. Last time I watched TV was for hurricane Sandy. I still have a TV because a) it’s not broken and b) DVDs.
    .

  33. Somedays I feel like a grouchy old fuck. Then I come here and see what real grouchy old fucks are like and I don’t feel so grouchy or old anymore. Thank you.

  34. I turn off any show immediately that features:
    -Ty Pennington

    -‘the messiah’ (aka Obama)

    -a mention of social media and says contact us at ‘hashtag’ whatever…
    hey you fucking morons, its been called a POUND SIGN since Alex Graham Bell invented the telephone. Quit being such douchebags! maybe we need to start an intervention group – hashtags for douchebags.

    Yeah Harpo, you’re right, we are all grouchy!

    how long before someone comments to me to ‘lighten up’?

    • Bell was a Scotch person. A “POUND SIGN” to Bell was a £. The planet calls a # a hash, the USA is the exception. I have no idea why.

      • The # symbol is also know as a number sign or an octothorpe. In the API for Tandberg (now Cisco) codecs, they call it a ‘square’. Damned crazy Norwegians.
        .

  36. You wouldn’t think it, but I LOVE Whale Wars! It is in the genre of comedy for me. At least one per show I laugh myself to tears.

    Example 1. The hippies go out and throw stinky butter at the whale ships and the crew on them. Then, one of them gets hit by a bolt or something thrown at them by someone on the other ship. “Hey why are they doing that. That is ILLEGAL!”

    Example 2. The comedy crew deploy a $100K propeller-fouling net that was donated to them – directly in the path of a Japanese whaler. The whaler, promptly pulls alongside the expensive net, and deploy grappling hooks. They pull up the net and take off. “Hey! They are taking our net. That is STEALING!”

    Example 3. The fools now have to deliver an “Eco-Arrest-Warrant” to the whalers. The captain sends a boatload of FEMALE crew to board the Japanese vessel to server the warrant. On of the hairy chicks gets a bloody nose and one falls and breaks her pelvis.

    • I hate those goddamn idiots. I might start watching it from your perspective. I had to stop watching it because it was pissing me off. I’d like to see someone shoot a torpedo into the do-gooders. A man can dream.

      • The highlight was the death of their Ady Gil ship. They tried to block one of the whalers and the graham-cracker / hemp fiber hull, got smashed to pieces and left a vegetable oil fuel slick 400 yards wide. My nipples were “exploding with delight.”

        • Sometimes I forget about the significant redneck constituency on this site; then I’m reminded.

          Seven out of the thirteen whale species on Earth are endangered. The whales are at the top of a complex ocean ecosystem. When the whales go, h sapiens is fucked.

          And it’s possible somebody should decide whether hippies are lazy people who collect government checks or people who go to sea and risk their lives for the planet.

          I don’t actually care about the opinions of ignorant rednecks. I’m just sayin’.

          jtb

          • I’ve been here for ages without ever feeling the need to comment, but now I must:

            Johnthebasket, I like you. That was well said.

            (I know you won’t care; I’m just sayin’.)

          • I love you, jtb. Thanks for saying that.

            What a piece of work is man. I applaud the efforts of tree hugging hippies but fear it has been for nought – the Fukushima radiation leaking into the ocean is hastening the demise of us all, from krill and whales to rednecks and hippies.

            Ah, such doom for a beautiful Sunday morning…at least the government will be able to cut back on all those welfare checks, eh?

          • No you are completely missing my point. Just because I laugh at a bunch of bumbling idiots, you assume I am a redneck? Did you even read the 3 examples I gave? These idiots do shit like that on EVERY SINGLE SHOW. If I choose to find their complete lack of competence funny, I really can’t help it. Now, if they put 2 ex Navy Seals on there and started treating those pussies like it was a boot camp and actually SHOWING them how to be effective, I’d be all for it (even though they would all quit before the end of training).

            And as far as the hippie vs welfare check. I would much rather pay for most of these dipshits to stay at home than be forced to hire them and watch them destroy my business from top to bottom with their “light dusing” of retardedness.

            I’m not anti-whale, or pro-Japanese, I’m ANTI-FUCKING-MORON. <— I think it was Stephen Hawking that first said that.

            • There are some seriously pretentious assholes on here sometimes.
              I’m gonna go stick my dick in a whaling net.

              • Yes. May I post a direct quote from Paul Watson, the “hero?” This is who you are defending:

                Watson feels that “no human community should be larger than 20,000 people,” human populations need to be reduced radically to “fewer than one billion,” and only those who are “completely dedicated to the responsibility” of caring for the biosphere should have children, which is a “very small percentage of humans.” He likens humankind to a virus, the biosphere needs to get cured from with a “radical and invasive approach,” as from cancer.

                • Not to worry, Mother Earth! Just read where some Texas Republican said the liberals are culling the population with vaccines to protect the earth’s resources. Who knew?

                • Awesome. I didn’t think republicans were against vaccines. I thought it was just jenny mccarthy and a bunch of other whackjobs.

  37. I’m a whore. I’d do anything for money, including watching the housewives or a movie featuring “The Cruiser” (Tom Cruise). Fuck him though, fuck him.

  38. I would have said “football”, but they actually did pay me to watch it, and I did. I think my price was around $10 or $12 an hour.
    .

  39. When do we get to the “grade the year” part of the program? I like to think that I am an easy going guy but this is getting out of hand. Twenty-Thirteen has been a bitch. Betrayal, Death, Disease. Enough is enough.

    In February, one of my supposed good friends comes over for a drink and declares that he is dating my daughters mom. Don’t get me wrong, I want my friends to be happy and there is no jealousy (quite frankly, I can’t stand the bitch) but there is such thing as class and neither one of them has any.

    That same month, my best friends wife shares that she has cancer.

    On May 7th, out of nowhere, my Dad dies of a heart attack at age 63. We were very close and I am still not ok.

    August 1st, supposed friend moves baby mama (and daughter) in to the house. Neither one can afford to live on their own, it’s a 90% financial, 10% romance arrangement. His words “I don’t care as long as she pays the rent”

    Mid-August, best friends wife cancer has spread to the brain, life is a fucking countdown.

  41. I watch a lot of trash TV and love it. It makes me feel better about my life. I draw the line at little people. Now it’s dead serious. You know how I feel about this Jeff. :/

  43. We don’t have cable currently so it is kind of nice. Netflix and Hulu do a pretty good job.

    But I tend to hate reality shows. My exception is cooking shows or shows about how disgusting/bad a bar or restaurant is.

  44. I love trash TV. Housewives, Honey Boo Boo, Toddlers & Tiaras, Teen Mom, Catfish… LOVE IT. I write reviews of the shows for my daughter, and friends, and we make fun of the people. It seems like all that’s on in the summer is trash. The good shows don’t start until next month.

  45. I don’t watch Reality TV. I do, however, enjoy watching real people doing real things.

  46. You know guys, TV is just as valid a medium for compelling storytelling as books and movies. Those who say “I turned off my TV 10 years ago and haven’t missed a thing” really, well, *have* missed some things.

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