What Irritates You Most About Grocery Stores?
A few nights ago Clive Bull mentioned a new British poll which supposedly reveals the ten “most hated aspects of the weekly shopping experience.” In other words, the ten most common things folks find annoying about grocery stores…
I don’t do any of the big-time household grocery shopping, I’d lose it before I reached the canned meat aisle, but it seems like I’m constantly being sent (or I go on my own) to pick up fill-in items. Constantly.
So, I know a few things about grocery stores, bucko, and I’m going to briefly give you my thoughts about each of the complaints on the list. Starting now:
#10 Store temperature I have a feeling this is about old people always being cold. You know what I’m talking about. You see them all bundled up in heavy wool, in the middle of August, while everybody else is walking around with only their reproductive organs behind cloth. I don’t know what’s going on, possibly something to do with a lack of platelets? Who the hell knows?
But I love really cold grocery stores. In fact, I’m disappointed if there isn’t at least a thirty degree drop from outside to in. Supermarkets, more than just about any other type of retail establishment, will give you that satisfying, bone-chilling blast of cold in the summer. It’s fantastic.
So, the seasoned citizens need to quit their bitching before they ruin it for everyone. Just buy your enormous can of store brand coffee and move along, sister. The Price is Right is about to come on.
#9 In-store marketing promotions Are they talking about buy-one-get-one-free? What’s wrong with that?
Oh sure, the “regular” price is almost certainly bullshit, but so what? It gives me a justification to buy TWO large sacks of chips, instead of just one. Those so-called In-Store Marketing Promotions have been providing me cover for a couple of decades now.
Sheesh. If you don’t want to participate, don’t. Nobody’s pressing a gun to your head, and growling, “Buy far too much sausage. Buy it!” I have never seen, or heard about that happening. Not once.
#8 Confusing layouts Confusing? It’s a grocery store, not a hall of mirrors. Let me try to help you out…
The section where there are big bins of corncobs still in the husk? That’s produce, and not office supplies. The place where you see a man or woman dressed in white, placing shrink-wrapped steaks and hamburger into a giant open-top cooler? That’s the meat department, and not the counter where you can rent a carpet shampooer.
I could go on and on.
I really hope these complaints get better as we continue up the list, because this stuff is pretty lame so far. …Yeah, and now watch me go into a Wegmans, get all confused because the deli has been moved, walk out some unknown fire door, and my skeleton is eventually recovered in a ravine ten miles away.
#7 Pay-for trollies I’m not completely sure I know what this means. I assume a trolley is a shopping cart? And you have to pay for their use in England, like luggage carts at an airport? Is that the deal?
OK, I wouldn’t care for that, either. In fact, I’m getting a little steamed, just thinking about it. We have a social contract with grocery stores, and in exchange for our business it’s expected that a rolling metal basket with a disease and feces-smeared handle be offered for use, free of charge. Among certain other amenities.
It’s always been that way, and we want it to continue. When you start playing around with the fundamentals, you’re asking for trouble, Jim. What’s next, charging for bags at checkout? It’s ludicrous.
#6 Lack of stock Yeah, this one hacks me off, as well. Since I’m usually in the store to pick up only a few items, it’s infuriating when they’re out of business on one of them.
I was once a stockboy, during a previous lifetime, and endured many vein-snapping red-faced diatribes by grocery managers, because the store ran out of some item I was “managing.” So, I think I’ve earned the right to complain; if I was held to such high standards, so must the current zitsters.
It could be argued that we’re all incredibly spoiled, that we don’t know the true meaning of “lack of stock.” People who lived through World War II, or who were raised in Soviet Russia, would likely roll their eyes at our terrible, terrible inconveniences.
“Oh, how awful for you,” they’d probably say. “They’re out of the specific brand of honey mustard dressing you like, and now you’ll have to choose from one of the other ten brands? It’s your own personal Auschwitz!”
Man, people like that are really tiresome, aren’t they?
#5 Paying for carrier bags You’ve got to be kidding me! Do they also charge for the receipt in England? Do they levy a receipt creation fee? I don’t remember paying for any bags while I was there, and I certainly didn’t “rent” a shopping cart.
I did, however, check out their toiletries. For some reason I’m fascinated by foreign toiletries, and cereals.
Paying for carrier bags is a valid complaint, I believe. It would very likely cause me to say some things I’d later regret. It looks like we’re finally getting into the good stuff.
#4 Unhelpful staff I never ask anyone in a grocery store for help. It’s a matter of pride. I’d rather spend an entire afternoon wandering around the place, looking for taco shells or whatever, than admit defeat.
So, I can’t really comment on this one. I have a feeling, however, that it’s valid. Most of the people I see working in supermarkets look like they don’t have the energy to swivel their heads on their necks, much less direct me to the “Hispanic” section.
Generally speaking, I’ve learned, when people are introduced into a situation, that’s when it all starts swirling down the ol’ crap catcher.
#3 Short expiration dates Um, perhaps I spoke too soon about finally getting to the good stuff? I NEVER look at expiration dates. Until, of course, I take a swig of milk and rainbow-vomit in the general direction of the sink. Then I might glance at it.
But not in stores. Do you? I mean, seriously.
Occasionally I see someone buried to the waist in the milk cooler, looking for a gallon way in the back with a more favorable use-by stamp. And I mock him unmercifully inside my head:
Bravo! Bravo!! Well-played, my good man. Henry Ford and Thomas Edison have nothing on your great accomplishments. You’ve unlocked the code for buying slightly fresher milk! You should call it the Douche Method!
Short expiration dates is the pet peeve of crazy people.
#2 Other customers Yes! This would go at the top of my list. In fact, I could undoubtedly break it out into sub-categories and create a Top 50.
Off the top of my head, here are some of my “other customer” complaints:
People who sashay around with Starbucks cups as fashion accessories, just breezing through the store like they don’t have a care in the world, with their colorful neck scarves just so, getting in my freaking way.
Husband and wife shopping teams. Why? That shit ain’t natural. Why do they both need to be there? It’s not a two-man operation. One needs to go home, and stop getting in my freaking way.
People with a whole gang of chocolate-smeared children, running around and screaming and being obnoxious. These are the ones who generally scream at their kids, from one end of the aisle to the other: “DUSTIN, YOU GET THAT JAR OF PICKLES OUT OF YOUR UNDERWEAR RIGHT NOW! WHAT? I DON’T CARE IF IT’S COLD! GET THE PICKLES OUT OF YOUR PANTS!! ARE YOU RETARDED OR SOMETHING??” These people get in my freaking way.
And people who stand in line for ten minutes, and act surprised when it’s time to pay. As if it had never occurred to them that they’d have to actually pay money for the items they put on the conveyor belt. They only begin looking for their checkbook, or whatever, when the cashier tells them the final total. And we all have to stand there waiting, with these idiots in our freaking way.
This category could be a whole other update in itself, and probably has been multiple times. But I’m sure you get my general opinion on the subject.
#1 Self-serve till machines What?! Self checkouts are one of the greatest inventions of my lifetime. They’re fast (but, of course, I understand the highly complex procedure), and I don’t have to make forced chit-chit with some cashier with a BB in the side of her nose, who’s only being friendly because the front-end manager is up her ass about it.
How could this be at the top of the list? Above “other customers?!” I sincerely don’t understand. If you don’t like the self-checkouts, don’t use them. It’s not a requirement, after all.
Personally though, I love them. In fact, I avoid stores that don’t offer self-checkout. And I ALWAYS use them. Without fail. Can any of you explain why so many people apparently “hate” them? I’m completely baffled.
Here’s the article Clive was talking about, and I’d like to get your opinions in the comments section. What are your “most hated aspects of the weekly shopping experience?” Tell us all about it, won’t you?
And I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.
Have a great day, my friends.
Filed under: Daily
Solid!
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FIRST!
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Shoot!
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I hate that they don’t have a “Hurry the hell up and get the hell out” lane.
For those of you who asked for a video of me playing that really expensive bass I had built, do a youtube search for “icecycle66″.
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icecycle66 Reply:
September 27th, 2011 at 2:24 pm
not there anymore
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…….
Seems every time I visit my local Giant Eagle, or as it’s pronounced in these parts Gine Iggle the stores layout has been rearranged again.
The aisles are never the same. Just when you get a good grasp on where everything’s located, they switch it up all random and willy-nilly.
Pisses me off to no end.
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I consider myself a connoisseur of fine self-checkouts everywhere.
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I think there are some places here in the states that charge for bags.
I never use the self-check out. I usually find those machines to be irritating at best.
I always look at the dates on things.
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The problem with grocery stores is that the shopping is never done. Once you go (even if you have a list), you get home only to realize that you forgot to get the one item that was probably most important.
I skipped shopping this weekend because frankly, I was tired of it, so I’m sure I’ll get random calls during the week ‘Hey, we’re out of 1/2 & 1/2!’ and ‘We need onions’. The problem with skipping the shopping is that eventually you have to do the ‘after-work’ trip which really sucks. But, I enjoyed not doing it this weekend!
My biggest pet peeve @ the store is the people who INSIST on writing checks for payment. Is this 1987? Did we go backwards in technology? Why are people so hell-bent on ignoring the upgrades the banking community has to offer? Writing checks is a waste of everyone’s time.
Okay, rant over.
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Okay, Jeff–little toe stepping there. John and I go weekly grocery shopping together–always. We sort of look forward to it. Our life is dull, yes, what of it?
We like to get a little bit “fuzzy” and head off to the fancy ass Kroger in the next town. It’s a high-end version with a Starbucks inside so there are indeed many waltzin’ fancy dressed women.
And, yes, we do a lot of standing in a huddle studyin’ things. You’d run us over. It never takes less than an hour.
There are certain things I expect out of this store…no country music blasting out–no music blasting at all. Prefer it to be low enough I have to listen to make sure I’m singing the right song. No baby mammas with passles of screamers. Clean, smelling good, bright and shiny.
I gets whats I pays for.
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I hate when my wife makes me go in the first place, I have to carry various coupons in the form what seems to be three or four issues of a local newpaper with no news articles. I have to use a Weight Watchers points calculator to see wether or not the 100 calorie bread is healthier than the 110 calorie bread. I have to get yelled at when I tell her to move out of other peoples way when all they want is a can of Mac and Cheese.
I hate the canned vegetable section. All I want is plain damn corn. I don’t want MexiCorn. I don’t want salted and buttered corn. I DON’T WANT ANY DAMN YELLOW AND WHITE COMBO CORN. I just want plain corn.
I hate other customers, and I would be willing to right a Top 50 article on such a topic.
I hate buying advacados that are like giant granite testicles just becasue the are 40 cents each.
I hate the cart that is sitting in the middle of the best parking spot. I hate when there are no carts left at the cart reception area because they are all out in the parking lot smashing fenders.
I hate that there are items shelved only after the checkout area, where you would have to double back and check out again, after seeing that you needed a giant 12 pound pack of Star Crunch.
I hate that candy bars now come only in king size.
I hate that I have to write the bin number down when I want to buy almonds.
I hate that there is something that appears to be a barrel of candy, but is actually just a bowl of candy sitting on top of a barrel.
I love self-checkout lanes.
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I just did my weekly shopping this morning. Every damn week I get stuck behind some mouth-breathing, bucktoothed halfwit that refuses to bag their own shit. AARRGGHH! I’m always tempted to grab great big handfuls of their box mac&cheese and store brand sody pop and just smash it all into a bag for them. WTF? You have 2 good arms, don’t ye? What’s even worse, and happens about once a month is when the stupid checker starts ringing my shit through while the 75 year old bagger is still trying to pack up the assclown’s crap. Bitch, don’t be packing some’a my shit with theirs. Ok, I think it’s time for a cocktail. Good day, sirs and/or madams.
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“Other customers” is #1 on any list of “What irritates you most about _______________”
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Hey icecycle66, the first half of Sonata 1, Movement 2, sorta sounds like a Joy Division song. I like it.
Interesting disguise, too. You plannin’ to rob a bank after you’re done with the Sonatas?
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When did Mac and Cheese start coming in a can?
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Aldi’s (discount food store) irritates me in a couple ways. To get a cart, you must put a quarter in a lock mechanism to unlock the cart from all the rest of the carts lined up outside the store. You get your money back when you replace the cart. This keeps them from having to retrieve carts in the parking lot. Good for them, bad for me. Also, they don’t bag your groceries because they don’t have bags. They SELL bags, and sometimes put out a few cardboard boxes, or you must bring your own shopping bags. Otherwise, you just carry your stuff out by the armload. They never have more than one checkout isle operating at a time, so there are always 12 people ahead of you. I don’t think there are ever more than 3 employees in the store at one time. Irritating, but I’ll admit the prices are low. They carry lots of house brands I’ve never heard of until I went to Aldi’s
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@Swami: Actually I had just returned from the bank located in the grocery store.
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@ashton: I don’t know if it comes in a can or not, but it damn well should.
I can just imagine it. Pale yellow and curdled cheese gelatin, sliding out like cranberry sauce. Little can indentations marking the self-standing macaroni cylinder.
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In order to do this right, I’m gonna’ have to get my hate on. I like grocery shopping (I like food and I like cooking) so don’t fuck up what can otherwise be a positive experience for me ….
Back later when I’m more pissed. Maybe it’s time for some angry masturbating.
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I went grocery shopping very early on Saturday in the hope that I could get it done in an empty store. No people in my way. In the quiet, empty grocery store, I could clearly hear the muzak playing over the sound system (I recall an old Gordon Lightfoot song – or was that Whitney Houston?) I cannot use the self-checkout lanes. My blood pressure roughly doubles whenever I attempt it.
Giant cartoon question marks launch out of my skull whenever I see someone using a check at the cashier of a grocery store. I understand when it’s an old lady who is set in her ways and doesn’t want to start using a card when she has always used a check to buy her groceries. But when it is a relatively young person (<60), I just don't get it.
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I don’t care for self checkouts because they tend to require that someone come and verify that i am old enough to buy liquor and why else would i be at the store?? Also they don’t always register when i place an item in the bag then it tells me over and over to place the item in the bag and i am all like “i did bitch- DAMN” and she is all “place the item in the bag” then the computer is all “do you want to skip bagging” then i say “yes” and then they have to call over some fat ass to make sure i am not stealing shit. Highly frustrating.
i also dislike lobster tanks. i mean really who is buying lobster at Wal Mart? they smell bad.
I hate HATE people who cannot have the self control to wait until they have left the store to start consuming food. Seriously you absolutely MUST have some popcorn chicken while you shop? It makes me ill because with the same hands they are touching the feces smeared cart and YUCK!!!
There is a store here where you have to bring your own bags or buy them, there is not a bagger on staff you must bag your own and you have to pay for the cart. it is kind of a pain but the prices are so low that its worth it.
There seems to be a cultural difference between us white bread folks and some of our friends in the latina community because i have noticed that they tend to shop together as a family and i think it is really sweet. what a great way to teach children about budgets and finances and its a nice thing to do so that the wife is not responsible for it all by herself. i admire and respect folks who shop as a family but yeah they do get in the way.
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the woman that has two full carts get to the check out and desides she doesn’t want one of them.
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and you have to wait till some one comes and checks it bacin
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great update jeff by the way.
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The absolute worst thing about British grocery store trolleys (carts) is when the previous user didn’t clean out the trolley’s built-in teas maid. Argh! I don’t want your stinky dregs in my brewer! If you’re being charged GBP2 ($3.50) to rent the cart for 20 minutes the least you can expect is for it be ready to brew a proper cuppa. It’s a long walk from the car park.
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Ashton, about the same time they started selling Dickins Cider jugs.
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I hate it when someone gives me some fucking pious pucker when I’m buying a 30 packs of Coors at 8:30 in the morning. Biddy fucks that they are. Other than that…I pretty much have a blast. I’m surrounded by food! Is that cool or what? Also a good place to start a conversation about how to or how I cook something. Girls seem to like that kinda thing. Best place to flirt I think. Check out line is good for that too.
Crap…I think I’m out of parsley!
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I cannot STAND being stuck behind someone at the deli counter who is ordering 14 varieties of ham all at quarter pound intervals. Who the hell buys only a quarter pound of roast beef? That’s 1 sammich in my house.
People having a full blown conversation about last night’s PTA meeting right in front of the steak counter which was the main reason 78 other people went to the store at the same time. Now oyu have 78 people clamoring for steaks and the PTA bastiches won’t roll out of the way.
People intent on feeding their kids produce that needs to be weighed. I’ve seen people slap a fucking banana peel ont he counter. How the hell can the cashier weigh that?
The cashier who has no fucking clue that I want to purchase eggplant and has to flip through the produce card for 10 minutes to get the item number even though I told her a dozen times “It’s an eggplant”.
When I get askd my birthday to buy a pack of smokes. Didn’t the grey streaks and wrinkles heed way that I’m pushng 50?
Ok done for now. (takes deep breffs).
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I like making the deli person go from cheese to meat to cheese and back to the meat. Then when they think I’m done, I’ll hit them with an order of macaroni salad.
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dto: Here’s a pickup line for you: “What’s the difference between pussy and parsley?”
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We don’t pay for shopping carts but you do have to put a coin or token in a slot on the trolley to release it from the rest of the carts, this encourages you to return the cart to the proper place and get your coin back. We also had a trial for a month I think where you had to pay for carrier bags, or bring your own, as a way to reduce landfill created by shopping bags! We don’t pay for them anymore so that idea obviously got old real quick, maybe an election was due? As for people who are suprised they have to pay then go looking for their purse thats the reason i use the self checkout!!!
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My wife and I actually have fun when we shop together by goofing on people the entire time.
My biggest pet peeve right now is Food Lion has an item at the register (candy bars, doughnuts, etc) that they make the cashier pitch to you while checking out. I understand that it isn’t the cashiers fault but it’s annoying as hell. Also, Food Lion is the dumbest name for a grocery store since Piggly Wiggly.
As far as checks are concerned, they should be outlawed at stores. You should only be allowed to send them through the mail and then only if you can prove you don’t have internet access. It’s 2010, get a fucking debit card.
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I’m with Jeff about other customers being my number one dread.
The shopper that sets me off the most is the moron, who despite being on the isle before, me has absolutely no clue what he needs on that isle until I start to reach for something, then he has to step between me and it and look at every variation of it on the shelf finally deciding that it is an unecessary purchase but not until he has delayed me at least an additional 1 to 3 minutes.
Instead of having people que up waiting for a cash register, you should que up outside and only allow 50 people in the store at a time.
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Tuesday is Geezer Day at THE Kroger. Over 55 and you get a whopping 5% off your order. Of course most old people are up before the damn Sun and of course they all go to THE Kroger on Tuesdays. Its like an AARP rally in there and the whole place smells like Poli-Grip and Gold Bond. They meet in the aisles and get their carts crossways and fuck everything up.
The nice flow I get up and down the aisles is completely buggered. I have to go down the next aisle over (if it isnt clogged with one of those Hovaround shopping carts…ever notice it is always some fat-ass using those? I’ve yet to see anyone missing a limb using one.) and then double back in to the opposite end of the aisle I wanted to begin with.
And get a debit card for the love of pete.
There is a Save-a-Lot store in my little town but you dont want to go there on the first week of the month. All the Burbs get their food stamps that week and come and smell the place up. I swear that some of them appear and smell as if they haven’t bathed since Mastodons roamed the area.
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Oh, and self checkouts are great until some asshat decides to use it to ring up his entire order consisting of three overflowing buggies.
Also, do you use the term buggy or cart? I was raised to say “buggy” which my wife always laughs at and tells me the correct term is “cart”. My grandfather also used to refer to a bag as a “poke”, which is funny no matter how you slice it.
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Swami…I see you take the subtle classy approach. And why do I feel you know the “punch line” to that?
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JDL, did your grandfather ever have to pay for a poke?
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Most of my pet peeves occur at Walmart, and always involve the other customers.
I hate it when people pull the cart along behind (or beside) them, rather than pushing it like a normal person. They take up twice as much room! I also hate it when people are on their cell phones in the store (unless they’re talking about something they’re suposed to buy).
Our fancy pants store here is called Harris Teeter (heh) and it’s always pleasant there, but it’s expensive.
Walmart is pure aggravation, from the minute I pull into the parking lot. It looks like Night of the Living Dead.
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“Pig in a poke” – mid-evil times they sold pigs in a bag – ie a pig in a poke
“Let the cat out of the bag” – sometimes merchants would substitute a cat for the pig to cheat the customer
“left holding the bag” – after the cat jumped out… the merchant would be …
a knee to the bag – what usually happened next
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I love writing checks at the grocery store. Of course I always whip out my accounting ledger first, make my entries there, then write the check myself. I don’t trust the computers at Wal-Mart to write the check for me so all I do is sign it – so I fill it all out myself. It’s also a great time to practice my penmanship, so I do everything very carefully and deliberately.
I also have fun seeing how many people punch bags of potato chips and walk off in a huffy while waiting on me.
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I don’t generally have a problem with self-checkout lanes, SO LONG AS IT’S OPTIONAL. I went to the local grocery store at 10pm (it closes at 1am) one night and had to ring up and bag a full cart worth of groceries at the self-checkout lane because they had one cashier on duty, and she was manning the assistance booth at the self-checkout lanes. I was the only shopper in the store! Last time I rang up and bagged that many items, I was a high schooler and was getting paid for it.
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Paying for bags. Damn scam started off by stupid toronto calling it a green fee. Of course, stores discovered that they had a pretty good money maker on their hands (usually 10c/bag) and one after the other decided they are going to charge throughout the province for bags. Of course, there has not been any noticable price drop on anything you would actually buy…. So, for their argument of taking bags away from filling the enviornment, they have forced me to take a separate trip to another store to buy small garbage bags for around the house, which come packaged in a cardboard box you can’t use for anything else which ends up going on the recycle truck rather than just giving me a god damn bag when I buy something so I have a ready supply of garbage bin liners…
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Don’t… ok, just fucking don’t…
- leave your empty coffee cup on the shelf
- or leave it in the cart
- treat the workies like crap – it’s someones loved one you prick
- leave the meat you picked up on the shelf with the canned corn if you change your mind
- leave the meat you picked up on the freezer section if you change your mind
- leave the deli roasted chicken on a shelf you change your mind
- leave the frozen food in a fridge area in you change your mind
- snack in the bulk aisle
- cut me off – walk like you should drive asshole, check your blind spots
- hit me in the back of the ankle right on the bone and nerve with your cart or I’ll round house kick you to the next county
- fuck around with the magazines
- leave your buggie in my way or ride it like a side car
- let your kid scream – they were probably too tired to begin with
- eat in the store – it’s a store, not a restaurant
- touch the bulk breads with your hands – they have tongs asshole
- touch the fruit you don’t intend to take
- comment about the food I’m buying
- make the cashier bag all your groceries while you watch
- not take your cart to the corral
- leave your garbage in the cart
- make a cell call while checking out
- bud in at the deli counter
- park in handicap spots unless you want me to help you make it legal
- bring in you 20 minutes of lottery purchases at the busiest times
- try to get ahead of me while we’re lining up for the cashier
- be in your own little world and ignore the person who needs help reaching or lifting or has dropped something
- bitch to the cashier about the prices
- bitch to the cashier about selection
- have an accident in an aisle and just walk away – be a fucking adult and find someone to clean it up
- not smile at the staff – would it fucking hurt?
- give me my change by making a little mat of the bills and put the coins on the mat – how fucking retarded is that? – give me the coins first so I can close my hand around them and then pinch the lobster claw to hold the bills
- stick your nose in to the spice bins
- walk in in your bare feet and then bitch when they ask you to leave
- smoke right at the exit
- feel the two of you can work our your marital or parenting issues by yelling at each other in produce
- let your kids whine for a chocolate bar at checkout
- at least try to talk clearly over the PA – get the fucking mike out of your mouth and listen to how you sound
- be careless with my purchases – handle with care
Just don’t ok? fucking don’t!
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@icecycle66 – I don’t know if he ever paid for a poke but he used to get prostitutes all the time.
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I would add to the list: Only having one checkout open when there are clearly 200 hundred people waiting in line, while shop assistants are chatting about twilight to their “supervisor” who is obviously about 12 years old and chomping gum.
That’s probably a little too specific though.
There are SOME places in England where you must put a pound coin in the trolley to release it but you get it back when you return it.
The best thing about trolleys is they have FOUR wheels that spin meaning you can actually move sideways if you want and not look like a jerk trying to drag your shopping cart out of the way.
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DTO, Swami – here’s a pickup approach that’s worked for me in grocery stores…I suggest you try it and let me know if it works for you
“Hey, I don’t suppose you know what side dish goes best with Chicken Tikka Marsala and you have great tits b.t.w.”
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In 2008, Seattle’s city leaders passed an ordinance to place a 20 cents tax on each plastic or paper bag from grocery, department, convenience, and drug stores. The plastic industry came to town and funded a push to put the law to a vote. Voters rejected the tax in 2009, but there’s still a tax on Styrofoam containers.
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I hate it when you are pushing your (wobbly wheeled, creaky, squeaky, left leaning) cart along at a good pace, when the person in front of you just STOPS. Happens every time, and I have to put the brakes on in a hurry. Some day I’m just going to slam into that inconsiderate jackbag.
Speaking of carts, my local grocery store doesn’t have one cart that doesn’t pull to one side or the other, and, worst of all, have something on a wheel so that it goes BANG BANG BANG for every wheel revoution…I use the self checkouts but hate being nagged at by the computer voice: “please place item into the bag. Please insert cash or card. Please take your receipt. Please take your items.” Please go fuck yourself.
Once, I bought about $200 worth of groceries, and there was actually a bag boy working. He looked at me and said “do you want me to put these in bags for you?” and I said, “No thanks, I’ll eat it here.” I got a blank stare.
Also,WalMart is famous for having brown noxious zones..I hate walking through someone else’s bean and cheese enchilada intestinal by-product.
I just came home from WalMart, could ya guess?
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Those trolleys with 4 wheels always make me feel like a dog in the back of a van being driven around a corner
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Punch line….sorry. I know. I like the challange I guess.
“You never want more parsley”.
“Parsley is not a known emasculator”.
Sorry to say there’s more floating in my head. So much for classy me I guess.
Go fuck yourself Swami!
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I hate when I’m at Wal-Fart, and I seem to always be in someone’s way no matter where I’m standing. Or another pet peeve of mine is when someone is behind you, and you can just *feel* them practically nipping your heels with their cart because you are going too slow for them. I hate that so much. Go the fuck around asshole. If I wanna stand in the aisle and pick out which can of mac n cheese I want, then I’m gonna stand there goddammit. That’s why they make the aisles that big.
Otherwise, I think Hot Fuzz pretty much covered everything else.
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Nobody’s pressing a gun to your head, and growling, “Buy far too much sausage. Buy it!”
This made me laugh out loud.
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I never use a cart. Only the bachelor basket. When that’s full I have more groceries than I need. By using the basket I can dodge customers better. On top of that I don’t go in unless there less than 20 vehicles in the lot. What always gets me hung up though is the fancy beer is about 20 feet from the checkout and it’s always the last purchase. Seems like there is always an open line when I start perusing the beer selection but once I’ve made a decision the lines are full. Maybe I should give up buying fancy stuff and just go to the drive through on the way back home for a 12 pack of bud.
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I hate the Wall of Family. That’s when a family of at least 4 or more all walk side by side with one person in charge of the cart. They take up the WHOLE aisle and there’s no getting around them. Also, people who just “camp out” in front of a section while they read each and every label, compare prices, etc.
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Alex
A while back the Atlantic Superstores in the Maritimes started charging 5 cents per bag. They said it was “for the environment.” People started complaining, especially the elderly. Head office said they have done it in other parts of Canada and it has worked very well. I guess Torontonians don’t “get” Maritimers. they stopped complaining and took their business to Sobeys. A few months later they buckled and stopped charging for the bags.
One thing Sobeys does is ask for your AirMiles card before they start scanning your items. If they see it is going to take a few seconds for you to dig out your wallet or purse they go ahead and start scanning your items, then scan your card at the end. This means customers already have the wallet/purse out when it comes time to pay.
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I’ll be back with my screed later, but I just have to write and say…
Tilly, that was a near-biblical rant. Assuming the Bible was written by gangs, which I suspect it was. I laughed and cried simultaneously. Nice job.
Jeff…nice post, dude.
icecycle66…Shopping with your spouse is like teaching your spouse to drive or golf. Just don’t do it if you like the marriage; if you’re ready to move on, by all means go ahead.
Limey…$3.50 to rent a cart? (sorry, trolley). Hell, that’s half a lap dance in the great Pacific Northwest of the United States. Unless it’s one of those topless stores, I’d shop somewhere else.
JDL…See marital warning above. Just when you think it doesn’t apply to you… BOOM – yer served.
Swami…I assume that’s a riddle. I’ll try…One of them’s green, but I forget which one.
hot fuzz….How can masturbating make you angry? It’s just sex with somebody you love.
My store plays Dylan. More later…
jtb
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How the fuck did ten comments get posted whilst I was writing my little ditty? Damn, this is a busy store.
jtb
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Please, please, for the love of all that’s sacred, holy, divine, hallowed and revered, could someone find a phrase meaning “this pisses me off” OTHER THAN “pet peeve”. Hearing that phrase bruises my liver, and I did quite enough of that for thirty years all by myself. PLEASE NO MORE FUCKING PET PEEVES.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
love always,
jtb
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I gotta get me one of those trees!
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The self-checkout at my local A&P sucks eggs. I’d like to kill the whore-eater who invented it.
First, it never reads the bar code on the first swipe, so you end up waving each item in front of the scanner like an imbecile. Then, when it finally scans, you have to place it in the bag just right, or else alarm bells go off. Apparently the fail-safe mechanism for shoplifting prevention is a finely calibrated scale upon which the shopping bag sits. It matches the weight of the scanned item to the incremental increased weight of what’s in the bag.If you throw something into the bag, the machine thinks you are putting unscanned items in the bag. So, you drop them in daintily, and they don’t register. Again, the alarm goes off, the attendant comes over and has to do something.
All in all, an automated system that takes longer than a manual system is no good.
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Anybody got a pet named Peeve? jtb’s head will explode!!
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Yeah, one more for the road.
Why, in Heaven’s name, would you shop at Wal-Mart? Working in this economy is a hard dollar. Why give it to people so they can treat you (and their employees) like shit? Work it out, sister. You’re not saving dough; you’re just bending over.
Never, never bend over unless it’s your last fucking option in the world.
Just a friendly bit of advice from a guy who isn’t fond of being violated.
jtb
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“This pisses me off” =
Torques me up.
Gets my blood boiling.
Grinds my gears. (stolen)
Pushes my buttons.
Twists my nuts.
Breaks my brain.
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JTB – for Angry Man Yogurting…think Hannibal’s room mate, Multiple Miggs – that was angry.
And in a rare cross over moment of zen, he also had a GREAT pickup line for Clarice. DTO, Swami, try Migg’s line next time at the grocery store too!!.
Punchlines?
- One is fragrant, the other you sprinkle on food?
- No one ever screwed up a 20 yr marriage over parsley?
- With one, you usually just throw it away when you’re done with it. …. wait…
- Parsley doesn’t steal your wallet when you go in to the hotel bathroom to undress and put on the robe because although you used to play sports in high school, you’re a lot older and a bit more self conscious and frankly you’d like to wear a robe until the lights go out.
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Lol
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When you’re done with either you have stuff to pick out of your teeth?
Home Depot’s self checkouts are the worst. Almost every item confuses the scales and you end up with Maritza and her hand scanner every single time.
Great comments tonight folks!
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jtb–I think I love you
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What burns my ass is “other shoppers” who leave their carts randomly blocking aisles with no owner in sight. Also those who stop immediately inside the door to get their bearings, or whatever.
And why would anyone set foot in a Wal-Mart if they had a choice?
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pet peeve = shit that pisses me off.
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OK, I hate those self-checkout things! I never go to the store for only a few items anyway. Does Toney use them when she’s got a full cart load of stuff? I don’t either. Expiration dates… all perishable stuff that is dated needs to be checked. Out of date (or almost) meat, milk, cheese…I find that stuff frequently at Kroger. That’s a ripoff to pay full price for something, get it home and two days later it’s spoiled. Now if it’s marked “Manager’s Special” because it’s going to go bad in a day or two, you pay a cheaper price and eat it right away. No problem.
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I’m tired and it’s almost 0200 in the great Pacific Northwest, but I have to tell you about my store.
It’s called Metropolitan Market. It is a chain of six stores, all located in Seattle and environs and Tacoma. My Metro is the Tacoma store, located in the historic Proctor district where my grandfather (Jack) used to take my sister and me for shopping and milk shakes.
It’s not in a strip mall, or any kind of mall. It’s on a real street and has an address and everything. Some things I like about Metro…
1) The employees seem genuinely happy to be there. They are paid well and get good benefits and are treated as actual grocery professionals. As a consequence, they treat customers very, very well.
2) Although the store is small for a grocery (about 1/2 of a Super-Safeway or 2/3 or a regular Safeway, they take very good advantage of the space. The isles are wide and there’s plenty of room to “pull over” and talk with people you run into there.
3) The checkers are sweethearts. They are funny and really know what they’re doing. After my back-reconstruction surgery, I mentioned to ONE of the checkers that I had a 10-pound carry limit. She weighed my bags and limited each one to eight pounds. The next time I came to the store, and every time after that for three or four months, EVERY checker weighed my bags and made sure none was over eight pounds.
4) There are lots of baggers, and if you have a bunch of groceries, they almost insist on carrying your stuff out to your car. The baggers are professionally dressed and all seem to be AP high school kids. I talk with a couple of them about physics and literature and they know what they’re talking about.
5) The paper bags have handles that will not rip. The plastic bags never tear. You can feel the difference if you hold a Metro bag in one hand and a Safeway bag in the other.
6) The Deli is killer-bee. They cook their own free-range rotisserie chickens, of course, but they also cook their own pork roasts, prime rib, pork ribs, etc, etc… Their turkey sandwiches are heaped with turkey, potatoes, gravey, and cranberries and cost $7.99. If the store were just the deli, it would be the best deli in Tacoma.
7) The coffee shop makes better coffee than Starbucks, and also sells artisan gelato, which has become, for me, one of the basic food groups.
9) They have about 150 kinds of cheese and a dozen kinds of olives. The olives are in vats, so you can grab a toothpick and stab one to try before you buy. They have fresh soups daily and they are wonderful.
10) Because of the size of the store, items like paper towels and large bags of cat food are sparse and expensive. For these kinds of items, I go to Safeway a couple times a month and load up. Everything else is very competitively priced. I figure, on aggregate, that I pay 3-5% more than I would if I fished back and forth between Safeway and Albertsons. 3-5% to be well-treated, welcomed, and actually have a good time. And their shopping music includes Dylan, Springsteen, the Beatles, and mostly what I like. It blows me away to be shopping for detergent and be listening to “Subterranean Homesick Blues”.
.
So that’s my store. The majority of the employees call me by name and I am certainly not unique in that. They really make shopping a pleasure.
jtb
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Lori,
Thanks. That’s the nicest thing anybody has said to me in months. In the interest of truth in advertising, my writing is more charming than my corpus, but I thank you nonetheless.
jtb
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Harvey Pekar died today.
People laughed at him.
American Splendor illuminated the very small
In everyday life –
Microscope inside microscope –
Celebrating miniscule victories and beauty.
He knew more about jazz than some jazzmen,
More about love than some lovers,
More about pain than some doctors,
And more about comics than some illustrators.
Our lives will not change much with his passing.
But any loss of insight is a loss of reason.
Harvey Pekar died today.
People laughed at him.
jtb
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I absolutely HATE grocery shopping. HATE IT. The cost alone is getting out of hand and that’s just buying the essentials….unlike babies mamma’s using thier welfare cards for cart loads of steaks and seafood.
The check out is especially painful. Went Friday after work…which is a mistake as I am already aggrivated before I even enter the store. Is there a reason people do not know how to use their ATM/Debit cards there. Its reading and pressing buttons you dumb shits. They act like the have NEVER heard of this feature before.
Holy bejebus!!! I wouldn’t shop at WalMart even if Georgy Clooney and Johnny Depp were bagging my goodies (heh). The last time I was there I snapped. I don’t know if all WM’s do this but at this particular one they have some geezer with a vest that is designated to check receipts against the bagged goods. After waiting in line at the check out, I had to wait 4 people deep to let this mean as hell asswipe check to see if I stole a lipstick or something. I just said FUCK THIS, walked around the hold up and this dude went nuts threating to call security! It is the most fucked up system I have ever seen. Never, Never again.
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jtb –
I just finished Harvey Pekar’s graphic adaptation of Stud Terkel’s “Working”. I returned it to the library just yesterday evening. I had no idea he had passed away, so thanks for the heads-up. It actually does affect my life.
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Yankee owner George Steinbrenner dead of an apparent heart attack at 80 or what is the best thing that can happen to Giants fans…***Giggle Snort***
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What is up with the hubbub over “Artisan Gelato”? Seriously. This was available when i was a kid, but they called it “Ice Milk” and it was always cheaper than ice cream. Didn’t sell very well so it was discontinued. Now it’s trendy – go figure.
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I HATE free sample day at the grocery store. I swear people become drooling zombies at the thought of free food. Every aisle is a traffic jam of Jethros and their greazy hicklets out for a free meal.
I also hate it when the person in front of you in line doesn’t take their cart with them and leaves it blocking the lane.
I hate grocery shopping.
GREAT update!!
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Here’s a candidate for the bunker cam:
http://www.engrish.com//wp-content/uploads/2010/07/synapse-japan.jpg
Label from an actual wallet in a Japanese store.
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Buy-one-get-one sales. C’mon, when was the last time anyone paid $8 a pound for chicken breast? Kroger is famous for this shit. Of course dumbasses with no math skills load up on this.
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I love the self check out. I put really expensive shit on the scale like Schick razors (5 pack = $34.95) and type in Code 4011 for bananas.
Then, I put $100 dollar bill in for payment and run the machine out of fives when it spits out 19 of them for my change.
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MAJOR hand through the hair morning… My Motorola Droid stopped working last night at work. It wouldn’t turn on, and there was a very low glow coming from the screen. I removed the battery, replaced it, etc., and nothing worked.
I took it to a new Verizon store near our house, and the guy accused me of getting it wet! It’s never been wet, not ever, but this ass-eater had made up his mind. He handed me the dead phone, and told me he couldn’t do anything for me. The top of my head nearly came off; I wanted to go over the counter on that asshole. He also said “aks” instead of “ask” and was a white guy.
Fuming, I took it to the bigger Verizon store, and they told me the phone is completely fried. But, it looks like it’s been well taken care of, and there’s no signs of moisture. (Told ya!) But they didn’t have any replacements, and will have to mail one to me. So, I’ll be Droidless until Thursday.
And I’ve got a headache as big as freaking Montana. No update today, obviously. I have to leave for work in a few minutes. Sorry ’bout that. But I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
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Posting illegally at work from someone else’s computer. Jeff, if some tool asks you for Ignacio Serta’s records, just ignore it.
By the way, I won ten dollars on the Steinbrenner death in the Celebrity Death Pool.
#10- I am surprised at how hot the stores are here, since we have an 80 percent near dead crowd to please. Spoiled food will kill them, almost immediately. Not as many lawsuits in the subject as I would imagine. The big chains here are almost no different from the greasy balls sweltering heat from outside.
#9, When I was in Boone, NC, there was an awesome gorocery store there named Lowe’s Foods. Buy one get one free meant that if you just bought one, it was only half price. They also participated in S $ H green points, where you could order from a catalog an array of useless home shit or use it as a discount on your grocery bill. Lowe’s also sent out a coupon book every three months with about 800 dollars of savings. Best store ever, next to Fas- Chek
# 8. The layout of the store I usually shop at for a few items is pretty much straight forward, except for the fact that tampons (yes, I go get that shit for my wife, what of it?) are not in the “health” section. They are next to the diapers. Does that make sense?
#7 If I ever have to pay for a cart, I’m taking it home with me
#6 To fortify my wife’s drinking problem, I seem to always get there when the last bottle of “Woodbridge” is gone. Usually, everything else I need is there. The store I shop at is called “Sweetbay” by the way.
#5 Somehow, my wife has accumulated over 60 cloth or GREEN (which in my opinion just lines Al Gore’s pocket, y’know, if the word “green” is on it) bags to bring groceries home in. They will never get use by me when I am by myself, as I like the plastic bags to empty the litter box into. If someone tried to charge me for the bags, I would just put the groceries in the cart that I plan to take home, since they would charge me for that anyways.
#4 I like the reaction I get when I ask a staff member where the extra large condoms are kept.
#3 If you don’t look at the expiration date, you will pay for it out the ass. Literally.
#2 When my wife and I go on a “shopping date” other customers give us the opportunity to make fun of those less fortunate. We even take the Wal-Mart Game with us and rack up huge points and prizes.
#1 _Self serve machines rock. 33 percent discounts on your bill all around. Pretending to scan something is an art form, and the person watching you is amazed at your agility in scanning. Never lose the self scanner.
I hate shopping because yu can’t smoke in the store.
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Ya don’t eat parsley.
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Well, I do, actually. But that’s the punchline. ‘Cause most people just leave it on their plate. Come to think of it, though, when was the last time you were served a sprig of parsley with your meal at a restaurant? That used to be a very common thing in the ’60s and ’70s (probably around the time someone came up with that joke) — you’d go to what was considered at that time a fancy-pants restaurant, and no matter what you ordered, you’d also be served a piece of parsley on your plate. I would always eat mine. I liked parsley. Most people would just leave it uneaten on the plate. But I probably haven’t eaten a piece of parsley in 15 or 20 years, ’cause the practice of restaurants automatically including parsley on your plate seems to have faded. I think next time I go grocery shopping, I’m going to buy some fresh parsley, just so I can re-live the good ol’ days, and have a sprig of parsley with my next meal.
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@ Jef – Most of the small Verizon store employees usually don’t know much about the damaged phone issues. It’s always because it got ‘wet’. When I switched phones, the local one didn’t even know how to get it activated, the ‘bigger’ one did. Something was wrong with my old one in which it would randomly shut off by itself, which poses a problem since I use it for my alarm. Upon bringing it in, first question they asked me, “Are you sure you didn’t you drop it in some water?’ Sigh, no. Is it so bizarre that maybe it’s just a malfunction with the phone? Why do they have to always immediately assume we got it wet and then think we are lying when we tell them no?
@Bikerchick – Yes, that’s at all WalMart’s. I always just walk really far away from them because I know they won’t get up and do anything about it. If they try to catch me, I ignore them. It really is a stupid system.
On the subject of parsley, my parents used to tell me that eating parsley (which was always garnished on my dinner plates), would make my breath smell good. But I didn’t believe them. Swami, you’re right, I haven’t seen that around in years. I can’t even remember that last time I had a peice of parsley on my plate…
I shop at Wal-Mart, it’s conveniently close to my house, and my boyfriend and I have made it a habit to try and catch pictures for http://www.peopleofwalmart.com. Does anyone have a Berkots? Berkots is good. I have to go there after work today and get some much needed groceries, and I’m going to be thinking about this post the whole time I’m there.
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Hell yeah tampons in diaper aisle makes sense. All they are is internal blood diapers. They don’t do anything for health. They aren’t like Neosporin and a BandAid used to stop bleeding. They just soak it up, like a Depends does to a gallon of Windex. I say we should just stick the bloody’s out at the edge of town until they are finished soiling everything with their evil touch.
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I noticed the Bunker Cam is a bunch of people using slide rulers. Anybody here old enough (and brave enough to admit it) to have used such a contraption? I’m 43 and calculators were required for High School.
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One thing I hate about the store is that you have to go to a special store for sex toys. Very inconvenient. Why can’t the Wal-Marts and the Krogers have realistic vaginas and blow up dolls? Instead I have to wear a disguise and sneak into one of those places.
And I have no idea why Lowe’s and Home Depot builds more that 2 cashier stations. Even on weekends they only have about 2 lanes open.
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Oh and I’m not a big fan of the self check out lanes. Usually there is a gang of mouth breathing hicklets trying to ring up six weeks of groceries. I make an exception if I need some hemmy cream. And then pray it doesn’t malfunction!
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WB–I’ll own up to being old enough to have used a slide rule. Pocket-sized, portable calculators were just becoming available when I was in college (that’s the early 70′s for those of you keeping score), and the “scientific” models started at around $150.00 (and that’s when $150 was $150, young fella). So it was a slide rule, all the way through 1st year calculus (after which I figured out that I had more of an affinity for social sciences, what with their bullshitable essay tests and all).
I guess that was sort of off-topic, but all of the highlights of what I hate about grocery shopping have been addressed.
And WB: I was going to start this with “Go fuck yourself for the ‘brave enough to admit it’ comment”, but I find that I’m mellowing. Go figure.
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WB i had to use a slide rule all thru undergrad and grad. thank god there are teeny weeny calculators to use now. just try to figure out total area of skin using height and weight without going totally nuts.
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The closest thing to a slide rule I remember is the “Roller Ruler” from the early 90′s
Another thing that I hate about the grocery store is the ridiculous shit aisle. Your know the one with half-assed chinese toys made in mexico. It’s where they keep the “As Seen On TV” crap like the Topsy-Turvy and the inflatable foot bath.
Why the hell would I need to swing by the grocery store for some eggs, milk, marbles, a loaf of bread, some knock off Polo Sport Cologne, pickles, mustard, and a three pack of metal splines.
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I also hate when i reach into the refrigerator section and some form of raw meat is half frozen, you know frozen on the edges gut soft in the middle.
How the hell am I supposed to know if it was once frozen and has since thawed, or or if it was supposed to be fridgerated and it got to cold.
Has it defrosted before and since been refrozen. HOW MANY TIMES HAS THIS SAUSAGE BEEN THROUGH THE CYCLE! How the hell am I supposed to know whether or not I should buy far too much if i can’t tell how it is supposed to be stored.
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I was reminded of this at Home Despot today, I’ve got a “no signature required” corporate credit card… I tell ya, you’d think this card fell out of the sky, like that movie where a coke bottle bonks the African on the head and create all sorts of mystique and astonishment among the natives. It gets looked at, it gets turned in every direction possible and then some. Very few cashiers ‘get it’ when they see it. Some want to see my corporate ID (I’m fine with that-its a request that makes sense), other idiots want to see some personal ID with my signature on it. Hello… What part of NO SIGNATURE don’t you get? And what makes you think I’m showing you personal ID for a work related purchase? Not gonna happen. I’m sure I make the obnoxious customer of the day when I refuse personal id when it comes time for the cashiers to swap stories at the end of the day.
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Used to know how to use a slide rule. Not now.
And just so you know what kind of town I was born in…the main act for the Parkersburg Homecoming this year is Grand Funk Railroad. You gotta be shitting me.
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Rock out with your cock out Chuck!
Beats Nashville Crush. They play my county fair.
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Having just returned from England, and having done quite a bit of grocery shopping, I have to say that yes, there are several chains that require a deposit for “trolley” rental. You do get your pound back, though. Our Aldi chain here in the US is the same! If you enjoy the fascinating oddities of foreign toiletries and cereals, you MUST go to ALDI! It is like transporting to another dimension. I love it.
By the way, not only am I obsessed with checking expiration dates, I also stand there in your way as I read the nutritional information on the back of each and every item I buy! Yeah, and I usually have two kids with me, too!
For me, the expiration date thing is about being CHEAP, not crazy. I don’t want to waste money on food that will go bad in 2 hours.
Great update.
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Ginger: I hate you.
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Yes, I know how to use one, but I treated myself to an HP-25 the summer before college. CAdude, I did not find slide rules and calculators to be any help at all for calculus class.
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I used to pretend my older brother’s slide rule was a fireman’s ladder…. I was a weird kid. Thank god I grew up to be a stable and well rounded responsible member of society.
Is it going to be hotter than an Arab’s ball sac ALL summer? Holy Touchdown Jesus Batman, It’s gonna cost a fortune to keep the house at a constant 65…
There are a great many music fans on this site – I found this funny and motivating. NSFW – there are 2 or 3 cuss words.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pidokakU4I
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jtb–Now I really love you!! I am also from Washington state (Aberdeen area) and I miss it terribly..I’m thisclose to just moving back.. but not to Aberdeen hehe
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Just got home from work and am catching up on comments. Glad to see you on here AWG, I missed you Angry buddy.
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Ok let me break this down:
#10 Some times my dick shrivels up like a stack of dimes. A smaller stack actually, this is a good thing.
#9 The reason i eat the shit out of madame curies frozen dinners is because the good ones are 2 for 5.
#8 I will admit that if I’m looking for something I’m not used to looking for I will have to do an SAT/Yellow Pages type of cross reference sleuthing to find my item. Pine nuts come to mind.
And there is always that section in the middle where the groceries transition to toiletries and novelties (like furniture) back to snacks/ pop (yeah, I said pop) and frozen foods. Kind of a no mans land for shit they can’t quite categorize.
However I’ve never been so confused by a store that it irritated me. Except why isn’t coffee in the laxative aisle?
#7 At aldi you pay for carts. It’s a quarter, let it go.
#6 Unless it’s the day before thanksgiving and I’m looking for a thawed turkey I don’t see this being a problem. Unless the zombies have risen, then this still really isn’t a problem.
#5 I buy the reusable bags because I care for this piece of crap planet we inherited from Hitler and Henry Ford. Get over it.
#4 What do you expect? Help with your trig homework? They make 8 bucks an hour. Help them out by cracking them in the heel with a trolly.
#3 If it’s on the shelf it hasn’t expired and that’s just when they can’t sell it anymore. Relax, the doritos will still be as good in a week.
#2 Other customers only suck if they are on the motorized carts, are with their entire family, or both. I shop at midnight to avoid this shit. Oklahoma City learned of my plans and makes sure that the store is always stocked with people with short expiration dates.
#1 I’m a fan, unless I’m behind the dick who is self scanning coupons, welfare, and his entire weekly supply of pot pies, corn dogs, and squeezable mayo.
Also, Home Depot should not have self check out.
Hey American League, go fuck yourself.
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I’ve had to leave a deposit on a grocery cart in New Jersey and other dodgy areas, so I guess it’s becoming more common.
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One was handled by a field full of Mexicans, and one is a garnish.
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I hate the old people/cripples that hunch over and lay on their buggies whilst they shuffle around.
And you women that stop in the middle of the aisle.
Get the fuck out of the way!
I also hate the stores replacing the normal brands with their store brands. Everything is store brands. Is it too much to ask for DelMonte and Chef Boyardee?
Walmart’s labels look like the old 80′s black & white generic grocery store types.
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“Never, never bend over unless it’s your last fucking option in the world.”
I won’t but the girl I’m dating sure better!
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t-storm: You’ll see me in the frozen food section….bent over…wearing FMP’s….blonde, boobs, and butt. Big tattoo across my upper back… and no one complains. HA
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dirty girl
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bikerchick, for those of us that fantasize in color, what color FMPs and …well I was going to ask what color dress/skirt but you never really said you were wearing anything besides the FMPs….
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That’s it…I’m off to buy some frozen parsley.
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hot fuzz: FMP = Fuck Me Pumps. Not really a skirt girl. Nice pair of tightass jeans do the trick.
t-storm: that’s what my boyfriend calls me! But I’m a nice girl too…pinky out and all.
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yes yes yes but what COLOR FMPs …. please say red please say red please say red
Sorry, I’m interrupting you and T-storm…
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not interupting, it’s an open forum.
i say wear them to the meet and greet and bring your slutty 30 something friends.
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Thanks T-storm but I can’t wear my FMPs too much any more – it hurts my back… oh wait… you meant bikerchick….
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hot fuzz: for you…red it is.
t-storm: I’ll round them up
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good, i think i just got dumped today. Not really sure, but pretty sure.
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While we’re on the subject….check out the beer glasses at the bottom of this page and the next page!
http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/category.jsp?pushId=APARTMENT&itemCount=20&selectedProductSize=&id=APARTMENT_FURNISH&startValue=201&selectedProductColor=&navCount=&prevVisit=true&navAction=jump&sortby=&prepushId=&popId=
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t-storm: you have my shoulder to cry on
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Far from me to break up the foot fetish-ing here, but I was in Costco yesterday (in my sensible DFWMFlats) and I came to the painful realization that I am physically unable to maneuver their carts. They’re not only deep and wide (that’s what she said), but tall. As in chest high on me. I feel like Alice in Wonderland. I had to turn over cart-pushing duties to my husband, much to the amusement of a passerby. And things like that just sort of encourage me to buy the five pound bag of M&Ms and strap it on like a feedbag.
More on topic, I think The Oatmeal has a novel way of dealing with other grocery shoppers:
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/shovel
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i think i’ll live, i’m pretty resilient.
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I went to Costco with the wife and daughter a short while back. I had had a few brews and was feeling pretty damn good about myself. As far as presenting a good example to my daughter about behaving in public while buzzed…
1. I turned to a small toddler in the rumble seat of a buggie and in my best Hannibal Lecter voice said “well hello little one” made the sucking noise and smiled…. the mother suddenly had to go the other direction
2. I referred to all the people that worked there as Costconians and welcomed people to the Land of Costconia. Several times and quite loudly.
3 I asked a Costconian if I could get a rain check. And could I then get the item when it came in? and could I get it for the price advertised today? When it comes in? Yes I successfully demonstrated my knowledge of a rain check.
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I’m 45. Haven’t seen the inside of a grocery store in over 16 years. May death find me ere I do so again….
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