I’m not really a fan of drinking games. Oh sure, it’s fun — in theory — to imagine taking a shot of booze every time someone says “know what I’m sayin’?” during the Dr. Dre episode of Behind the Music, or something similar. But if a person were to actually attempt such a thing, they’d likely end up in the Bon Scott ward at the local hospital.
No, I prefer to self-regulate my intake of alcohol, thank you very much. I’ve never done well with mandated drinking, and will always opt out whenever someone suggests turning it into a contest of some sort. I’ve been around long enough to know that that sort of thing will only lead to tears, and waking up wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask constructed of vomit.
When I was young I dabbled in “quarters,” or as we called it… “quarter bounce.” I didn’t like it, but succumbed to social pressure. I saw Rocky drink a large mug of beer in one gulp during one of those games, sit there with no expression on his face for ten seconds, and fill the mug back up with puke. Exactly the same amount came out as went in — except it had changed colors. Blecch.
Bill also used to drink the quarters on a regular basis, and we’d have to scramble and find a new one. But other than that… it was not a great deal of fun for your corpulent correspondent.
I was also pressured into using a so-called beer bong once or twice. It’s basically a funnel, with a length of hose attached. You put the hose in your mouth, fill the funnel with a can of beer, and lift it above your head. The object: drink the whole beer without stopping.
“Just open up your throat, and let it go down!” the experts advised. Open up my throat?! What am I, Linda Lovelace? I nearly blew the wall out of my esophagus attempting that nonsense. And you just ain’t lived until you’ve had six ounces of fizzy Meister Brau inside your sinuses. Wow! Have you ever used a beer bong? I’ve actually heard about people taking it up another notch, and “butt funneling” beer or booze. Good god.
We also had something called The 20 Club, which inducted new members on the night before Thanksgiving. The way to get in was to drink 20 beers during one session. Oh, it was an august group… I made a couple of half-hearted attempts, but never crossed the finish line. I mean, seriously. 20? I’d make it to piss-in-the-silverware-drawer drunk, and still have seven or eight beers to go. All my organs would’ve shut down.
One time we tried to drink six beers in one hour, which sounds easy, but isn’t. You think it’s going to be a slam-dunk, until you get to number four or five. Then it feels like you’ve got an ocean sloshing around inside your gut, and your lower intestines are turning to liquid. I think Bill actually made it, but Ed and I threw in the towel. And later that night Bill and Ed got into a fistfight in the middle of Myers Avenue. Heh. Are the two things related? It’s hard to say.
I’ve also been in bars that hold contests like Penny Till U Pee, and that sort of thing. Funk dat. Just let me drink in peace, please. That might seem boring to some, but it’s the way I prefer it. I don’t even like it when a group starts buying rounds of shots, and I’m pressured to join the “fun.” No, I want to be able to calibrate things, with no outside influence.
What are your feelings on drinking games? Am I way off on it? Do you have any drinking games horror stories to share? If so, please do.
Or maybe you’ve discovered a drinking game that’s actually enjoyable? I’d like to hear about it. Also, what are the most inventive bar-sponsored games you’ve encountered? Please bring us up to date on it, in the comments section below.
And I’m going to go drink a beer now, at a nice leisurely pace. Have yourselves a great day.
See ya next time!