Hello Surf Reporters! Before we get started on this questionable endeavor I want to remind you guys to please pass through one of our Amazon links before doing your holiday shopping this year. ‘Tis the season for continuous reminders. I don’t want to overstep here, but here’s an item that I believe would make a wonderful stocking stuffer. Really beautiful, and tasteful too. Grab two or three! You know, after you use one of our links.
Tomorrow is my birthday, which doesn’t mean a whole lot to me at this point. I mean, seriously. As Adam Carolla says, being born is not exactly a unique achievement. Even Hitler had a birthday. It was fun when I was a kid, of course, but at this point… the number just keeps getting higher and higher and I get closer and closer to a nervous breakdown. Sweet sainted mother of the Trivago Guy! How did I get so old, so fast?
In any case, Toney went out and bought me a birthday pie. I assumed it would be blueberry, since that’s my established “favorite,” but she went with coconut cream. Fine by me. My faves: blueberry, coconut cream, lemon meringue, chocolate cream. I also like many additional pies, but those four are automatics.
Popular pies I don’t really like: pecan and pumpkin.
I don’t really like pumpkin anything, to be honest, and I like it even less when it’s pronounced “punkin.” Fuck that trendy gourd! Back when I was still imbibing, I’d be amazed during this time of year by the number of people who pretended to shit themselves over the prospect of drinking pumpkin beer. Blecch. What’s wrong with beer flavored beer? I was never a fan of the novelty brews. They can ram their pumpkin beers deep and on a rightward slant.
But I haven’t had any alcohol whatsoever since mid-July. Crazy, huh? It’s coming up on six months now. The disappointing thing? I haven’t lost any weight. That’s probably because I’ve replaced the beer with all this pie. And ice cream. I’m on an ice cream kick too, especially this stuff. The All Natural version only. It’s more expensive, but holy shitballs is it good. I usually get the All Natural Homemade Vanilla, and pour an ultra-liberal amount (a Bernie serving) of Hershey’s syrup on top. Freaking great.
So yeah… I’m still fat. Fat and old, and getting older. But my liver is now processing new kinds of toxins! Hell yeah. Pass the Sam’s Club flat of strudel.
I need to go now. A new workday beckons with a gnarled devil claw.
If you have anything on pie — automatic favorites, least favorites, shit you’ve never tasted before and never will — please tell us about it in the comments. Also, what’s your feeling on birthdays at this point? Do you celebrate at all? What are your expectations? I literally have none, and I’m not kidding. I’m starting to freak out, man.
I’ll see you guys again soon.
Have a great day!