I posted some ridiculousness at Mockable today, so please check it out if you’re so inclined. And Metten has several good pieces there about his recent driving trip to Florida, including this one and this one.
We (Metten) are making an effort to get the site back on track. We’ve both been, as they say, overscheduled, and things were starting to slide a bit. But we’re doing better, and I hope you’ll give it another look.
Also, if you’d like to contribute a guest mock, please send it to us. We’d love to read it, and will probably publish it. You know, unless it’s just one long racial slur or something… The address: mockable [at] gmail.com.
We’d also like to know what you like and don’t like about Mockable. If you have any suggestions on how we can make it better, please tell us. Via email, or in the comments here, whatever.
On Christmas day we hooked-up the new PS3 to the B.A.T. (big ass television) in the family room, and the boys did their best to fully burn-out the unit over the next week and a half. One of them was playing it sixteen hours per day, I’d guess.
And they never opened the blinds down here, which was the part that drove me the craziest. You’d think it would be the constant sound of gunfire, and the eleven year old boys in Oregon and Liverpool repeatedly screaming “FUCK!” through our TV speakers.
But no, it was the gloomy, cave-like feeling outside the bunker that caused me to grind my teeth. Man, I hate a house with all the blinds shut during the daytime… But the Secrets wanted it dark, for a better Russian-killing experience.
I also hate an unmade bed, in case you’re keeping score. I make ours seven days per week, and do a damn good job of it, too. I mean, I’ve got the hospital corners going on the sheets, and everything.
An unmade bed makes me sad, for some reason. Even when I lived in semi-squalor in Greensboro, I made my bed every day. Sure, I sometimes had to kick week-old pizza boxes out of the way to do it. But dammit, it was done.
Do you have anything like that? Something around the house — something that doesn’t seem to bother a lot of people — that you simply cannot tolerate? Tell us about it, won’t you?
The mailman (Mehlman, I call him) just brought me a red Netflix envelope, with a copy of Public Enemies inside. I finished with Life on Mars 2nd season (HIGHLY recommended), and just realized there are a lot of interesting new movies to watch.
Near the top of my queue: In the Loop, The Hangover, Inglorious Basterds, District 9, Star Trek, The Taking of Pelham 123, Drag Me to Hell, and Up. I want to see them all.
Will any be a waste of time? Which ones should I move to the top spots? Also, what new releases am I missing? I try to keep my fingers on the pulse of popular culture, but sometimes I get distracted by a tendency to not give a shit.
Help me out, won’t you?
And I cranked this one out in about ten minutes. Sorry it’s so lame, but I think it’s slightly better than nothing. Possibly. I’m off tomorrow, and will do better.
See ya then.
Instantly first.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters!
I saw the update alert via Twitter (see? it IS good for something!) and I rushed right over.
Check out today’s Further Evidence for laugh out loud goodness.
Second?
I cannot get in the shower until our bed is made. I don’t care about the children’s beds. They’re always a mess. But, ours must be tidy for me to get in the shower and then come back into the room seeing a tidy bed.
I have many, many other OCD quirks (no surprise, I’m sure).
Inglorious Basterds is great. Put it at the top of the queue!
Re: Mockable- the rapid fire updates tend to only produce one comment or so, with the exception of the latest one. If there is something new every four or five hours, the previous update might be ignored altogether.
Also, the poll might be changed more often, rather than every three months. I think there has been three since the site started.
It doesn’t seem to bother my fambly to stack up dirty dishes in the sink, when WE HAVE A FUCKING DISHWASHER to put them in! Rinse the shit off and put it in the dishwasher. It pisses me off to no end to come home and see the cat from hell in my kitchen sink, snacking.
Also…toys left in the tub from the night before. When I want to take a shower, I don’t need the extra aggrevation of squeezing the water out of Dora, Boots and Benny and putting them away just so I can get in and get clean and get out.
You gotta move “Up” to the top. I don’t know why I like it, but the old man is fucking hilarious.
On IPOD right now- “Lowdown”- Boz Scaggs
Top 10, baby!! “The Hangover” is freaking hilarious…truly the kind of movie you should just own. And “Up” is so great, just loved it. I also have “500 Days of Summer” on my list because I’m a chick and shit.
Also, the bed must be made in our house too, and I hate dishes in the sink for more than an hour or so.
What bothers me about Mockable is that it seems to get update priority before this site, thus rendering this place the red-headed stepchild. There, I said it.
I like coasters under all the glasses, please, even if it’s sitting on a crummy piece of secondhand furniture. Nothing says “I live in a dump and I don’t give a damn” like phantom glass rings all over your end table.
Up, The Hangover and Star Trek are all good.
Inglorious Bastards and District 9 come highly recommended and both are on my list. Be warned that Inglorious Bastards apparently has a lot of subtitles.
Another vote for dishes in the sink. Cant stand it. Also, at my rents house all the drapes or whatever are drawn making it somewhat cavelike.
This looks fine to me.
and I hate matching socks. I don’t see the point – just pick two out of the bucket that are roughly the same and go. Drives the wife crazy.
I can’t stand a messy kitchen or dirty stove. I clean as I cook, even washing the dishes and bowls I used to prepare the food for cooking before the food is cooked. I like to end up with food cooking on the stove, and all the china and silverware put away. It makes the final cleanup go much faster. I always make my bed the second I get out of it. I have a couple rooms, however, that I neglect on a regular basis. Don’t know what that’s about!
I’m with Gretchen, re: the seeming red-headed status, lately, of theWVSR. This site here is your baby, the one that brought all the fame and fortune, the one we Surf Reporters actively hit “refresh” every five minutes in the afternoon to read the latest update. So screw the newcomer and please spend more time with your baby. Besides, most of us are here for the reality show (the life of Mr. JayKay and his family, especially the oddball wing of that family), not for the fiction that is often featured on that other site. Can I get an amen?
The BRITISH version of Life on Mars (Series 1&2) was probably the best thing that I saw last year. I loved the show so much that I was sad to see it end, and knew that I was going to miss the characters.
Although several of them are in the replacement series “Ashes to Ashes” it’s just not the same. The main character Alex is a snarky woman, and I’d love nothing more than for Gene Hunt to paste the bitch in the mouth. I only watched about 3 episodes of that one, however so it may have gotten better.
And on the topic of recent movies that are good, I highly recommend a documentary called “Anvil: The Story of Anvil.” It features a band that I have no interest in listening to (and I assume Jeff would feel the same), but their story is very compelling. They’re a Canadian heavy-metal band that almost made it big in the early ’80s, but never quite got there. Yet they have struggled along ever since, and today are guys in their 50s, still trying to get their music out there for their fans, even if that means 10 dudes in a bar. They’re lovable losers who you end up rooting for (so much so that I bought a couple of their albums out of curiosity and to put a few Canadian dollars in their pockets).
http://www.amazon.com/Anvil-Story-Robb-Reiner/dp/B002DLB1IO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1262805518&sr=1-1
I get twitchy when I see towels not hanging straight on the towel rod. I make my bed every morning. And people who refuse to eat left-overs even if its only a few hours later drive me nuts. It’s cooked…it won’t rot in 4 hours!
Now Playing ( since it seems to be the thing to do): Stop by Joe Bonamassa at the Royal Albert Hall
Just how long do dishes have to drain/air dry before they can be put away? Two days….three even? Do the handsaver rubber gloves EVER…EVER…EVER get put away? Also, what’s the use of using cleaning products to clean and then leaving the cleaning products out on the counter or vanity? It’s funny how the dog never eats a pair of MY shoes because they are either on my feet or on a shelf seven frickin’ feet off the ground. *sigh* I could go on and on…
I watched the last 30 minutes of Inglorious Bastards through my eyelids. Meh. The Hangover is hilarious!
When the kitchen counter is cluttered it causes my sphinter to instantly pucker. It makes the whole tiny space looked messy. Wally could not give a shit. That is where he throws all of his crap!
After using the kicthen sink, I HAVE to take a paper towel and wipe up the excess water. I can’t stand a sloppy looking wet sink.
I’m very cranky today – I have a freaking cavity working and my dentist is out until Monday and his back up is out today. I’ve used too much Oragel already.
That website (not to take anything away from this one) in “Further Evidence” is fucking hilarious. Once you get in there and start clicking around, there is a lot of good stuff. Now that the internets nazis have seen that I have gone there, I am sure it will be blocked tomorrow.
On IPOD right now- “Guns of Navarone”- Specials
Ya know…I just wasn’t that crazy about The Hangover. I mean it was funny…in spots…but could of had better editing. Sorry guys. Public Enemies was great! Loved it.
I’m another hater of dirty dishes in the sink, or dirty kitchen for that matter. I clean as I go so the only thing to do after eating are the dishes we were slurping on.
Another thing that bothers the shit out of me is stacks of mail. I try to go through it everyday but sometimes it just doesn’t happen. 90% is crap anyway. If my boyfriend brings it in, God knows where it will land. I have found it in the bathroom, bedroom and one time even in the fucking garage. Like taking his clothes off…where ever it drops thats where it stays. It could be the sweepstakes saying we won a bazillion dollars but wouldn’t find it til the day after the expired collection date.
Further Evidence is priceless! Just found another site to visit frequently.
I have a list of things that drive me crazy. I will stay with my top ones.
1. toilet paper goes on the roll with the paper coming over the top not from the bottom
2. dishes go in the dishwasher a certain way and silverware MUST be handle up
3. there should be hand towels (that match preferrably) by the sinks.
4. countertops need to be wiped down after each kitchen use.
Oddly i do not make my bed. i used to before I fell in love with a total slob and my bedroom is the place in the house that I have given up. also the garage and the basement but the main quarters are still pristine.
A friend on Facebook: is an hour into inglorious basterds. slowest tarantino movie i have ever watched
Another friend: wait for it
First friend: till waiting. 2.5 hours for a few lines of wit certainly not worth it. ending was sweet. shoulda just watched that
that’s what I know about inglorius basterds
My Mockable comments…………First, I agree with Gretchen. WVSR should get the priority update. Not Mockable. Second………I don’t get it. Rarely is something mocked. Mostly, it is just a rant or rave. Occassionally, something that just makes no sense. I guess, to me, maybe mocking just isnt’ that funny. Now, with that said…………..I love the WVSR! Top rate stuff here.
I’m with AWG, that Further Evidence site is hilarious. I particularly loved, “Why I’d Rather be Punched in the Testicles Than Call Customer Service”, “How a Web Design Goes Straight to Hell”, and “How Twilight Works”. I love u werepig!
Swami: thanks for your support. Not seeing too many amens in response, though. So either we’re in the loony minority or somebody’s afraid of a sitewide ban. Crap.
The Hangover is excellent.
I was disappointed with Inglourious Basterds. The yakking to whacking ratio was way too high.
I saw District 9 in the theater and liked it, and I’m not a big sci-fi fan if that means anything to you. I have heard that Public Enemies had a lot of potential wasted because they made it into a love story and not the bad-ass mess it should have been.
Does this site make my ass look big?
I’m with you on the surf report coming first. In fact, I can show you about six emails from me to Jeff requesting that he be careful about that very thing.
To that effect, I have no idea what would make you think that mockable gets preference. Jeff updates one day a week on mockable. He updates nearly five times a week at the surf report. Generally (and I’m sure he’ll correct me if I’m wrong), I believe that he writes the “mocks” over a longer period of time and as the opportunity presents itself. He writes the update some time between getting up and going to work.
In short, if they’re not funny – yeah, sorry about that. There’s nothing I can do with a suggestion like, “be funnier.” But I am as much of a surf reporter as any of you (except maybe Bill and AWG and Buck and Jeff’s brother and Rocky and…okay a lot of people, but I’ve been here for years) and I don’t want to see it get fucked up either.
Mockable pulls decent traffic and provides an opportunity for guest mockers to be funny – so it’s worth my time. We all know Jeff’s bread and butter is here – and if Jeff didn’t know that before today (I strongly suspect he did) he does now. So other than “be funnier” and “don’t neglect the surf report” – what can we (I) do to make the place friendlier to the surf report crowd? If it’s not a match, it’s not a match and we’ll keep looking for an audience elsewhere, or let it go dormant (which would have happened if not for a steady stream of kickass guest mockers).
I am not a housekeeper so almost nothing bothers me when it comes to mess.
don’t waste your time with Pelham123 the original is so much better.
My music lovin wife has NEVER put a cd back in the correct jewel case in her life!! feel like a little Santana? pop in the ole cd & Meatloaf blares across the speakers!!!!(this is the same woman who scratched my pristine record collection to crap!)
The new Sherlock Holmes mystery is 2 hours of pure entertainment! If you are a Basil Rathbone/Conan Doyle fan however might want to give this one a miss!
girlgoyle, “What the hell did you expect for your lousy 35 cents a good remake?”
I don’t know what it is, but I just can’t get into Mockable. Its not that I don’t enjoy the writings of Metten, it was always a nice sidetrack when they where here, but “over there”, it just ain’t the same. Now that I’m typing it out, maybe it needs more story to go with the mock.
Mockable:
Canada and the church of Hockey!
Last night the United States Junior Hockey team beat Canada to become World champions!!!!!
U.S. reaction: So?
Canadian reaction: A national day of mourning!
Jeff- UP is really good and so is the Hangover. haven’t seen the rest yet.
I typically LOVE mockable and think that any neglect the WVSR might have had lately has been of the trying to get a novel published pursuasion.
Amen, Swami and Gretchen! I was the red-headed stepchild when I was a kid and don’t need any more of that now that I’m an adult.
(Also, I just can’t get into Mockable. I know I’ll probably catch some heat for this, but it feels like some of the guest mocks are trying too hard to be like you, Mr. Kay. Though imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I value unique, creative expression and style. Maybe we all just hang around each other too much and are starting to meld into a singular being. I don’t know. I mean no offense so please don’t hate me.)
Oh, and just shut the freakin’ door / gate behind you! Are you trying to let the dogs / livestock out to roam the streets?!? (Makes me craaaaazy.)
Chairs must also be tucked under the table when there are no asses occupying them.
What girlgoyle said: the original “The Taking of Pelham 123” is awesome. Do not waste your time on the remake.
Of the other films on your list, I’ve seen The Hangover, Inglorious Basterds, District 9, Star Trek, and Drag Me to Hell in the theater. I’d recommend ’em all.
I’ve heard good things about a film called “Moon”, which either just came out, or is about to. It was directed by David Bowie’s son, but I’m not sure if that really matters.
I’m currently watching the TV series “Undeclared” from Netflix in the mail, and Season 1 of The Addams Family and The Twilight Zone via “Watch Instantly.”
Add me to the list of daily bed-makers, although I usually fix mine up after showering. Also, cannot stand anything on my kitchen counters, even though Mr. Llama can’t seem to remember this.
Can’t stand a gritty kitchen floor – us’ens like to go barefoot.
There is only so much trash that can be squashed down into the trash can – take trash out when can is full!! Arrugh!!!
I do the bed making thing too.
As for mockable – I suggest a limit of one per day. Leave ’em wanting more.
I always read the Surf Report first – then mockable. Surf Report quality is consistent – satisfying like the main course. Mockable less consistent depending on who is mocking – could be yummy dessert or steamed veggies – mahbee crunchy – mahbee limp…
As a former mockerI have lamented that I am not more like the big JK, but then I said “Fukkit.” Jeff writes about lots of stuff I never think about. And I probably think about stuff he doesn’t. (But I do think we all like to steal his phrases. Sooner or later I am going to find a use for “jiffy pop hair”.) But that is what I like about mockable – you might be reading and peeing your pants… or not.
OK – now I can go read mockable.
What is a mockerl? Is that like mackerel?
mocker! It was supposed to be mocker…
Hangover seemed sophomoric to me. Meh…
“Bastards” pretty cool,+++
Juila and Julia…pretty cool+++ (hey..I go beyond the ‘chick flick’ thing. Good is good.)
“The Wackness…cool. Really cool all in all!
“500 Summers…kinda ok. not a waste, not a must see. pretty good writing. Almost a …meh.
Anybody hip to “Corner Gas”? (TV). Maybe it’s because I spent so much time in Canada, but the writing and the cast and the whole thing is top notch.
Aournd here…I guess the two biggest things I cannot put up with is an empty beer glass or an empty bottle of wine.
mockable…I have had the fortune of having some of my things ‘published’ over there. I know the difference between a mock and a rant. Actually, its a pretty cool place becauce you two welcome all comers. So all you folks are welcome to write something more than a thirty word comment over here. Jeff and metten are actually offering up free air time for you guys to write something. How cool is that?!?! Mock…make fun of something. Soccer Moms and Barber Shops. These guys are offering an outlet so jump right in folks. Test out your writing chops….Ok there…I’m done…-dave
@dto – one man’s rant might be another’s mock I say!
zazu the pitts…I’ve read your mockables and I bow to your use of the alphabet.
I may be whipping out my inner vagina here, but Drag me to Hell really got to me. It was that damn gypsy. Word to the wise, don’t piss off a gypsy. But here’s the catch, gypsy’s have the worlds’ thinnest skins and will curse your sorry ass to hell for the smallest infractions.
Mayo on your sandwhich when you said no – goin’ to hell
posted to mockable before thewvsr – goin’ to hell
not goin’ to hell – goin’ to hell
didn’t pull out when you said you would – goin’ to hell
I did enjoy it, but coming out of work in the dark the day after the movie spooked the shit out of me.
Corner Gas is excellent. It’s (is that right It is, yes!) just weird enough for me to like. Kind of like a clean version of TPB.
@dto – thks and back atcha!
@t-storm –
“Mayo on your sandwhich when you said no – goin’ to hell
posted to mockable before thewvsr – goin’ to hell
not goin’ to hell – goin’ to hell
didn’t pull out when you said you would – goin’ to hell”
Very funny!
“Public Enemies” is a boring waste of time; “Drag Me to Hell” is tons of fun; “Up” is good, but overrated.
Holy Crap, i went for 10 years and never made my bed. I don’t even remember changing the sheet. I guess I did at some point.
Where are we going? And why are we in this hand basket. Can you even go anywhere besides hell, in a hand basket?
Metten: I submit to you the WVSR post from November 18th. Reading that, do you see how I might assume that the Mockable post was given priority? Now, if Jeff actually wrote the Mockable post on another day and just happened to post it right before the Nov. 18th WVSR post, then I apologize for my errant presumption.
In the larger scheme of things my complaint is merely a minor quibble. Even Jeff on an off day is comedy gold. But since he asked our opinions on Mockable, I obliged. Otherwise I would not have bothered to mention it.
Push in the damn chair when you get up from the table. You should have learned that in grade school!! We weren’t allowed to leave the classroom until every chair was pushed int.
I’ll admit that I’m not a huge fan of mockable. I have one guest mock and another one percolating in my brain. But if it doesn’t grab me right away I don’t read it. Some of them I absolutely love. Some I just don’t care for.
But I also don’t care what get’s priority. I don’t plan my life around the surf report and my asshole has never sealed shut if there isn’t an update or my aborted baby brother has never come back to life to gum my brains if mockable posts first.
It’s the web, people who post on it have lives, I think Jeff stays plenty busy entertaining us. And complaining what comes first like you are waiting in line at a Subway that might or might not be open just seems petty and lame.
And the fact that people are doing research seems to be to me a grudge that is a bit misplaced. Be mad at your gardener who fucked up your azaelas (sp?).
Today’s (singular possessive therefore gets an apostrophe) guest Mock – The Mockable Haters.