Verizon Ran Out of Droids on My Upgrade Day!

And so… Verizon is out of the Motorola Droid phone.  Is that not excellent?  I’ve been waiting, semi-patiently, for the day I’ll be able to upgrade, it finally arrives, and I’m told I’ll have to wait some more.

But it’s no problem, right?  I shouldn’t have an issue with the fact that the phone goes out of stock on the VERY DAY I’m able to order it?  It’s just an unfortunate coincidence and fact of life, and I should smile and laugh and skip down the goddamn lane with a basket full of freaking rose petals.

Grrr…

Here’s the only-mildly-exaggerated conversation I had with Verizon customer service today:

Clara (I think that was her fake name):  How may I help you today, Jeff?

Me:  Um, I was trying to upgrade to a Motorola Droid on your website, and it’s telling me you’re out of stock?

Clara:  What are the last four digits of your social?

Me:  What?  Oh. <I tell her>.

Clara:  And how may I help you today, at this time?

Me:  You’re out of the Droid?

Clara:  Can I get your date of birth?

Me:  <I tell her, through clenched teeth>

Clara:  OK, let me check on that phone for you, Jeff.

Much keyboard clacking can be heard, as well as fifty or sixty people talking in the background.

Clara:  The website says we’re temporarily out of stock on that phone.

Me:  Yeah, I know.  Do you have any idea when you’ll have more?

Clara:  No, it doesn’t provide that kind of information.

Me:  So, you’re just looking at the website?  You don’t have any special screens or anything?  I can see the website from here.

Clara:  I can tell you that we have stock in all other regions of the country, but none in the northeast.

Me:  OK, so just send me one from Texas.

Clara:  (laughs as if that’s the most preposterous thing she’s ever heard)  I’m afraid we can’t do that, Jeff.

Me:  Well, I’ve been waiting for months to get this phone, and today I finally have my $200 credit…

Clara:  No sir, you have a $100 credit.

Me:  The website tells me the regular price is $299, and I can now get it for $99.  That’s $200.

Clara:  You have a $100 credit, as well as a $100 discount.  You don’t have a $200 credit.

Me:  Whatever.

Clara:  I’m just trying to be accurate, sir, at this time.

Me:  But the final price is $99, correct?

Clara:  Correct.

Me:  $200 off?

Clara:  Yes, with a credit and a discount.

Me:  And you can’t tell me when you’ll have more phones?

Clara:  I’m sorry, but no.

Me:  I’m really glad I called.

Clara:  We’re glad, too!  Thank you for choosing Verizon.

It was very helpful (at this time).  And I apologize for this ridiculous update, but I’m all whipped into a frenzy over here.  I’m certain a convulsing-in-laughter Allen Funt is about to walk out from behind a partition.

Anyway… I need to go to work now. <sigh>  No update would’ve probably been better.

I’ll try to make it up to you guys tomorrow.

Now playing in the bunker

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39 Responses to “Verizon Ran Out of Droids on My Upgrade Day!”

  1. What What!

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  2. I think they call it Meow Meow

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  3. treeeeeeeee

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  4. Me: I’m really glad I called.
    Clara: We’re glad, too! Thank you for choosing Verizon.

    I don’t know which would be funnier- if she really thought you were being genuine and was responding in kind, or if she recognized your sarcasm and decided to stick it to you a bit more.

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  5. Customer service ROCKS! Fuckers, might have been less frustrating at the store. Prolly not.

    I’m pissed cause my streak of two in a row ended thanks to whistle dick, qweezy and the fatass outside salesman that I finally got rid of. Damn.

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  6. I’ve been eligible for a new phone since December, but all the cool phones require a data plan. I’m too cheap for that. My phone bill already is too high for my liking.

    So I’ll stick with my orange EnV (the original one).

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  7. TOP TEN……….AND ALL EXCITED UNTIL I READ THE LINE NO UPDATE WOULD HAVE PROBABLY BEEN BETTER. HMMMM.

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  8. Take it easy on customer service folks. I am on thegiving end of those conversations sometimes and it probably wasn’t Clarabell the cow’s fault that her company does not allow her to know very crucial things like actual lead times.

    working in customer service is the reason I drink……today anyway.

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  9. Funny…….drinking is the reason I suck @ customer service.

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  10. I can see the next conversation:

    Clara: How may I help you?

    Jeff: The website is only giving me $100 credit instead of $200, why?

    Clara: Sir, you never qualified for a $200 credit, only a $100 credit. I think we’ve been through this before.

    Jeff: Fine, fine, your right Clara, what happened to my $100 discount?

    Clara: Oh, I’m sorry Mr. Kay, the discount expired on March 31st.

    Jeff: (insert cranial explosion sound effects here)

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  11. I’ll share my own recent “customer service” run-in, since misery does love company. I’m a big fan of Sirius-XM radio (the content, not necessarily the company or its physical radios or anything else other than the actual content — they have tons of different stations in every imaginable format, and many excellent DJs, including quite a few full-time celebrity DJs [that is, real recording-star musicians who have radio shows as a side gig for fun, or as a full-time job because they never made millions in the record business]). Anyway, I have (had) a Sirius radio at home and an XM radio in my car. A couple of weeks ago my at-home radio died after providing about five years of valued service. So I checked the Sirius web site and decided upon the new model that I wanted. I had also sent customer service an e-mail verifying that I could transfer my current subscription to the new radio, rather than needing to sign up for a new subscription. They said yes, it can be transfered; and also that I should call customer service to order the radio because they have the latest “deals” that might not be available on the web site.

    Man, this post is getting so long that I’m even boring myself. So I’ll cut to the chase. The customer service woman had a thick Spanish (Latino) accent and I could barely understand her, and she couldn’t find the radio I wanted, and tried to sell me a model I wasn’t interested in, so I angrily told her “never mind,” hung up, and didn’t even buy one online either. I’ve been listening at home via my Internet connection, and find that that works just as well as using an actual radio. So fuck ‘em.

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  12. When I worked customer service for Expedia we had to know EVERYTHING…every damn detail, down to every flight and seat and hotel room available world-wide. And if we didn’t know we had to find out. Not a day went by that I didn’t call Italy or the Czech Republic or somewhere in Japan to get the facts.

    The company gave us the power to give refunds, discounts and whatever it took to make the customer happy. Sometimes it wasn’t possible…and those times were the worst. Try getting cussed out in Mandarin/broken English because Chung Lee didn’t show up for his flight and wants a refund.

    Getting people home from some war-torn or storm-ravaged area was really stressful. So I’m not too hard on CSR’s as a rule, but dammit I blame the company when clusters happen. Give the CSR’s the right training and the power to make shit happen. Most companies just don’t get it.

    Sorry for the rant. Back to our regularly scheduled BS.

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  13. I got a Verizon DSL tech in Canada in talk about The Trailer Park Boys a couple of summers ago.

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  14. I went in the store. I got a 100 mail in rebate, I think mine is actuall 200 or so (plus the accessories bundle). I was so tired of my old phone and I haven’t stopped fucking with my droid since.
    I love the pandora, and I can see getting hooked on four square. Also I found a zombie app that is pretty cool.
    I actually got the insurance on this bad boy, too. 8 bucks a month = about 200 over the life of the current contract and considering it’s a $600 phone and I drink….a lot.

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  15. I believe I’m one phone call shy of being released from my DirecTV contract without penalty because I’m more trouble than I’m worth and well, people don’t like being told about their faulty reasoning skills, esp. if it’s based on a company policy they must adhere to. In my defense — if they would just send me a damn receiver that works and is not a battered refurb that got tossed down the stairs by the last unhappy customer to own it…. I’m pretty sure that the next time I call, the CSR will have the authority to take me out of the customer pool. For life. We’ll see.

    On another note — a little Austrian beer humor to share: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/03/31/fing-hell-europes-new-bee_n_519971.html

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  16. Yes, I too drink as a remedy for customer service, at this time.

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  17. You had to deal with a sheep in Customer Service? Gee – there’s a fucking surprise.

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  18. I LOATHE customer-no-service.. There’s nothing worse than calling in and getting some wahoo with an Indian (with the dot, not the feather) accent named “Mike Johnson”. I mean, I get it, it’s cheaper to outsource to India but seriously, does it require a fake name to fool all the dumb Americans?
    I’m sure it shouldn’t bother me as much as it does, but the entire experience just about sends me over the edge. My husband calls me the “phone bitch” because it never fails that get into with one of them. I know it’s not productive, but it makes me feel better and that’s all the really matters.

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  19. …at this time.

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  20. It is essential that my wife does all of the customer service calls (which she doesn’t mind), because I will just end up costing us money, and probably a lawsuit in the end. Also she is very good at dealing with CS reps. and usually gets us MORE than we ask for. I chalk her talent in that area up to her being a middle school teacher, dealing with the kids all day.

    21st!!!!!!!

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  21. I used to be a CSR for a large mortgage company and I’m currently taking classes to work in health care. I dont miss the customer service grind one bit. On the one hand you have people calling who will never be happy, no matter what you offer them, at the same time you have management breathing down your neck to make your calls shorter while still providing the same service level, No, I don’t miss it at all.

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  22. Funny that you had this issue on the same day I ordered my Droid. When I went online this morning to order, I, like you saw that they were out of stock. So I just waited until a few hours later and they were back in stock. Of course, I ended up having to call in my order due to “the website being slow.” Got the the online deal through the phone and I should get it tomorrow via FedEx overnight. Of course, I live on the west coast!

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  23. I completely despise AT&T customer service because I am an AT&T customer. One of the job requirements must be a superior, condescending attitude.

    Dish Network, on the other hand, is great!

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  24. Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……

    In a way, I read this update while thinking of the classic scene in Planes, Trains and Automobiles……

    —”Welcome to Verizon, may I help you?”

    —”Yes.”

    —”How may I help you?”

    —”You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosey, fucking cheeks! Then you can give me a fucking phone: a fucking Motorola Droid to be exact.

    —”I don’t really care for the way you’re speaking to me.”

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  25. I really get off on snarky customer service attitude (at this time). It just really gets me off.

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  26. zazu– try dealing with them IN PERSON. I work for AT&T at a corporate location, near a major call center. The employees of that call center are contractors for AT&T, and don’t actually get a paycheck from AT&T…and 95% of them are complete idiots. Most of them have barely a high school education, and their turnover rate is something horrendous…average time for an employee in a call center is 5 weeks. So don’t ever think you’re getting someone who is ACTUALLY superior to you, they’re just trained to think they always have the upper hand. If you aren’t happy, tell them you want to speak to a manager. It works wonders, but sometimes the first level of managers are just the head morons. Good luck either way.

    As for you Jeff, sorry they didn’t actually have your phone, but hey, maybe you can get a free car charger or something out of them…never hurts to ask.

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  27. You buncha wimps! Here in Nome, Alaska I just became eligible for a phone upgrade from two Bush’s bean cans ties together with cotton string, to the more high tech Bush’s bean cans tied together with monfilament fishing line. …but of course, they are on backorder, so I will have to wait!

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  28. Late for an appt. Got six seconds to sing. I just can’t leave the house without noting the transcendent line of the day. Check out how it subsequently morphs down the page.

    Nice job Tilly….

    “working in customer service is the reason I drink……today anyway.”

    Respectfully,

    jtb

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  29. What would have pissed me off the most about that little conversation would be when a CSR casually asks for “your social” for no reason. That is need-to-know information, and you certainly don’t need my “social” in order to check availability of a phone. Fig puckers.

    Customer: How much are your skubs?
    Shop owner: Ten dollars.
    Customer: Ten dollars! The guy across the street only charges eight.
    Shop owner: So, go buy one from him.
    Customer: Actually, he’s out. He doesn’t have any.
    Shop owner: If I didn’t have any, my price would be five.

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  30. “At this time” is code for “she was black” isn’t it?

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  31. @SaucyDeb
    Your reaction to CS people totally sounds like my wife, who interestingly enought is a Saucy Deb as well :)

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  32. That’s bullshit.

    Clara can got bite a dick.

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  33. Saucy Deb – I refer to that as speaking to Bob From Pakistan. In my job we often have to speak to Bob From Pakistan and between Bob’s cluelessness and my inability to understand his fractured PakInglish, I can feel that vein in my head about to explode. I will trade any foul task for talking to Bob.

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  34. Clara my ass.
    You were speaking to some smelly dot head.

    Her name is Rupa Patel, and her job is to tell you to go to hell and check the website again in a few hours, but in a nice way.

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  35. Had a rare victory a couple of years ago when my wife ‘phoned the cable company to cancel our contract. The operator (“Victoria” from Pakistan) said that she couldn’t do this as the account was in my name, and only I could make changes.

    She then recommended that we upgrade to a better package, so my wife agreed to absolutely everything on offer. You name it, we had it. By now “Victoria”‘ is getting all excited at the prospect of her impending commission. So 15 minutes later while she was reading through all the legal stuff my wife said “oops, I forgot, the accounts not in my name. Byee!”

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  36. I sometimes wonder what shitty things people did in a past life to deserve being a CSR (their only job option?) in this life.

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  37. Better off anyway! Verizon is pushing the 2.1 update to the Droids today so you will get a freshly updated one (lots of nice new features).

    thanksbye.

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  38. I am still waiting for the release of the iStapler.

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  39. Brynhildr, this is me being 14 again but the town in the link in Austria (I don’t want to give away your punchline) is just to the east of Tittmoning – that CAN’T be a coincidence,

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Thanks for stopping by! My name is Jeff Kay, I was born while JFK was president, and it's all very embarrassing and corny. Today I'm a suburban husband and father, who is sometimes accused of being a bit tightly-wound. The West Virginia Surf Report! is my creative outlet, and insurance policy against completely losing my shit. I hope you'll stick around and participate in the lively community of geniuses and curmudgeons who hang out here every day. I love a full 87% of them! And while you're at it, please follow me at Twitter and Facebook.

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