Unpleasant Highways and Amazing Stinks
When we lived in Southern California, or as it’s known to the locals “SoCal,” we were close enough to Sunshine and Mumbles that we were required to drive to their house two or three times per year for a visit. And it was one of the most boring commutes I’ve ever encountered.
I can’t remember the highway we took, but Toney never forgets these things. So, I’ll be right back… OK, it was Interstate 5, and we took it from the bottom of California, up to Sacramento or thereabouts, and cut across to Reno. And man, was it dull.
There were stretches that were so straight and uneventful, you could theoretically set your cruise control and take a nap. The steering wheel wasn’t even necessary, it could’ve been removed to free up space for the driver. I could’ve used my laptop, or set up a makeshift table and eaten a full Sunday dinner, at 75 mph.
And then there were the slaughterhouses…
There’s a long section of the journey where both sides of the road are lined with cattle, and cattle death camps. The stench is unbelievable. I grew up near Charleston, WV, surrounded by chemical plants, so I know strange stinks. Oh, I know ‘em real good. But that slaughterhouse smell made me gag. It was just so… organic.
When we’d stop to buy gas there, the convenience stores all had a MASSIVE selection of beef jerky. Like, every flavor imaginable, sometimes an entire wall of the stuff. It was a jerky aficionado’s wet dream… And some of it still had hair on one side! Blecch.
Once we reached the Sierra Nevada mountains it turned really pretty (and kinda scary during winter), but before that… crushingly dull and disgustingly scented. I’d have to rank it near the top of my list of Most Unpleasant Stretches of Highway.
What about you? What would you rank at the top of your list? Tell us about it, won’t you?
And since we’re sort of on the subject, what’s the worst thing you’ve ever smelled? What stink really sticks out in your mind as especially bad? I’ve smelled plenty of disgusting things, like anyone else, but that slaughterhouse stink was a real standout for some reason. Do you have something like that? Use the comments link below.
And I hate to cut this one so short, but I’ve gotta deal with something before work. So, I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.
Have a great day, my friends.
Filed under: Daily
First!
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First? Really??
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No not really.
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TOP 5 !!!
YAY ME
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All the garbage cans being full of maggots due to my Chinese neighbors.
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HA! Not First!!!!
That’s really what I wanted to say anyway.
The most boring stretch of road is between San Antonio, Texas and El Paso, Texas. Miles and miles of absolutely nothing, very similar to what you described. But without the joys of slaughterhouses.
When I was 11 or 12 or so, we packed up the U-Haul and moved my grandma from San Antonio to Tucson, Arizona. That was the most boring trip of my entire life and it lasted about 3 1/2 years. At least that’s what it seemed like. I got to ride in the truck with my dad – no A/C, no cruise control, and this was back when they set the governor on the thing to 55 mph. I think my dad nearly went insane on that ride. I don’t know how many times I must have asked “Are we there yet?” or “How much farther?”
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Catfish Bait.
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worst smelling stretch of road to me is the area around Gary Indiana. Lots of oil refineries and steel mills and it just smells like chemicals and sadness.
worst smell i think is rotten potatoes. That is really foul.
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Just checked, that’s 578 miles of nothing from San Antonio to El Paso. And I mean nothing!!
On a completely non-related note I just got this great text message from my wife. I’ll preface this by saying Sam and Maggie are our two dogs.
“Just caught Sam majorly humping Maggie while she’s puking”
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Ohio River Scenic Byway along State Rt. 7 in Washington County. Between Belpre and Marietta the highway DOES follow the River but this 14 mile section is lined with chemical plants, truck depots, warehouses, junk yards and one large business that crushes and shreds old vehicles. Nothing scenic about it at all. Up until a few years ago one of the chemical plants would spew huge clouds of Mountain Dew colored smoke 24/7. And the stench was awful.
In Belpre along the river someone built some upper-income condos. Very nice actually. However, they built them right across the street from the sewage treatment plant. During this hot summer with humidity well above 60% most days the smell is amazing.
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As far as bad smells – If I wander across the river to East Toledo I can smell the BP gas and oil refinery. That has got to be the most awful smell ever, and it totally permeates everything in that city! No wonder crime is rampant there – who wants to live like that?
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Worked for a funeral home between 1982 and 1987. An old guy died in his single wide in late July or early August and ripened in there for 4 or 5 days before his nephew found him. The temperature was 90 degrees plus that entire week.
I have a really strong stomach but that stench even made me go outside for a puke.
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The definition of boring is traveling I-80 through Nebraska!
Corn, corn, more corn & then some more corn! Uuuuggghh!
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I-95 in south Florida is one of the worst drives ever – traffic is abysmal, drivers fail to offer any courtesy, like using turn signals before they cut you off, and people often drive way too fast especially when conditions warrant a slow down.
The worst part of it is driving past the landfill and water treatment plants. When the wind is blowing toward the highway the stink is beyond belief. No doubt it can knock that proverbial buzzard off the ole poopwagon.
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……
Driving out to Indiana to see relatives was prolly the most boring ride I’ve ever been on. Nothing but flat straight roads and nothing but farmland. And corn growing. A lot of corn growing.
Most disgusting smell ever? This has to rate at the top. About a year ago a lady brought her car in for inspection. Immediately the stench filled the garage.
A side note has to be made; the lady had been undergoing cancer treatments and had subsequently lost her sense of smell. She was unaware of the whole situation.
Apparently she had forgotten one grocery bag back in the trunk of the car. The bag that contained chicken. In high summer heat. That had been in there for about 2 weeks.
Even with all the garage bay doors opened, the odor was saturating everything. It was as if it had made a virtual fist and smashed you in the nose and sinus cavity. Repeatedly.
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Following a hog truck on a 2-lane on a hot summer day down south. Chicken trucks are almost as bad, and you get to clean shitty feathers from your windshield. Following a New Jersey garbage truck on a 2-lane on a hot summer day in Northwest Pennsylvania. Paper mill before pollution emmision controls. My dog after she eats Alpo canned food.
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Speaking of maggots, last night Mike Rowe was at a rendering plant. Even Mike was warning people that they may not want to watch the rest of that particular Dirty Job.
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Almost forgot – the hind quarter of venison my hubby forgot to process before he turned off the extra fridge. Didn’t even know it was there til we needed the fridge about six months later. The seal on that fridge was unbelievably tight. Haven’t eaten venison since.
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I have to agree with the paper mills. And no one knows why we get cancer?? really?? ok.
Boring roads…I found Nevada to be interesting..not much to see but I loved that you could drive for like days and see two houses…no Mcdonalds, walmarts nothing!! How do these people survive???
Boring…I39 thru Illinois, top to midbottom…OMG Corn, beans, but at least you can gawk at windmills. Takes forever. blech
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There used to be a rendering plant not a 1/2 mile from my house, when the wind blew just right it was so foul vultures were curious.
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Rte 70 through IN & IL. Rte 55 through MS. Horrible….horrible. That stretch through the Sierras that Jeff speaks of is awesome!
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If you leave flowers in water for a long time, the water will smell exactly like a cadaver. Or old people’s teeth. Either way, it’s freaking nasty.
And I agree with JCIII, old chicken can knock one’s dick in the dirt.
I don’t remember any boring stretches of our highways and biways, but the NY to FL run sucks.
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I would honestly have to say that driving interstate 81 through Pennsylvania is horrible. There is always tons of tractor trailer traffic and loads of construction zones. I used to dread our trip to Maine because of that lone stretch of road between Bangor and Houlton. It’s loaded with pine trees and “Caution! Moose Crossing!” signs where there is absolutely nothing to look at. Over the past 17 years (of travelling up there and back), Interstate 81 through PA has become the most dreaded part of the trip.
Now when we hit the northern part of Maine the sight of pines trees and assorted Moose asses is welcome.
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I agree that Texas is one damn-boring ride but I have family in Idaho & growing up every year for Christmas my parents would load my brother & I in the car & we would drive the trek from SoCal (heh) to Coeur D’Alene.
Of course my dad thought he’d be creative & would drive up to CDA by going through Northern CA (NoCal?), Oregon, Washington, then veer east to CDA.
Then, on the return trip we would go through Montana, Utah, Nevada, a bit of Arizona to home. The drive up was never that bad but the drive back? Made me want to commit suicide at the tender age of 6. Montana sucks! Open roads with houses sporadically thrown in but no gas stations, no people, just tons and tons of acres and….space. Bo-Ring!
We’d always get happy when entering northern Utah because at least there were people around (even though they were scary Mormons), but once you hit Provo it’s all downhill from there. You’re in desert land with no signs of life.
A few years back my boyfriend wanted us to drive up to ID so we did that exact route, only expanding to stop in OR & WA for a bit. But on the way back we were miserable. We drove 20 hours straight from CDA to Vegas. Then crashed in Vegas for 3 days. After that drive, you need the tourists to bring you back to life. I could NEVER be a country girl.
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I grew up near an oil refinery… it always stunk in that town. So much so, that I didn’t realize that there were other places in the world that didn’t always stink until I was about 11 or 12 years old.
Near that same town was a dog food plant, which had a horrible stink so unique that I can still smell it as I type this.
The absolute dullest, most mind-numbing stretch of road I have driven (other than everywhere in central Illinois, where aforementioned stink-plants were located), is hands-down WESTERN KANSAS/EASTERN COLORADO along Interstate 70. We had to stop at gas stations just to readjust our vision, it was so monotonous out there. On the other hand, if you ever want to see what the words “amber waves of grain” really means, make a beeline to west Kansas.
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Rte. 58 (I think) across VA through or near Smithfield is the worst smelling place I’ve ever been. There is a glue factory (using horse’s hooves) and it’s a horrible smell.
Not much could top the bad smells in and around Charleston when the chemical plants were in full operation. Blech!
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From my childhood, I remember when duck and chicken farms dominated the landscape of eastern Long Island. The stench as you drove by was vomit-inducing.
Bridgeport, Connecticut had a rather pungent smell to it. The windows went up as we drove through.
As far as boring roads go, nothing beats the Jersey Turnpike: endless, congested, and boring.
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There was this one stretch of road in Cincy in Redding i think. There was a ballpark there and I’d have to go there as a kid and play tournaments now and then. Place smelled like cheese left outside in Grandma’s panty hose for eight months.
Hwy 50 across Nevada is desolate and beautiful. Used it every chance I got.
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Worst smell was the Hooker-Durez plant. Buffalo, NY. Same guys who did Love Canal. My grandfather used to ask:
“Smell that kids? You know what that smell is? Jobs.”
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Why stop at El Paso? That boring drive goes for another 1000 miles to Phoenix. Or try I8 from Phoenix to the California border.
But… I saw one of the strangest things ever on that ride. An appearantly homeless man hitchhiking along I8 a hundred miles from the nearest town. How in the hell did he get out there in the middle of August????
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Actually, I’m quite familiar with that particular stink. Living in Northern California and having the oppportunity to go on dozens upon dozens of road trips, I have experienced the stench of that stretch of road plenty of times and BOY, Jeff, you aren’t kiddin’!! It’s the type of stench that even when you’ve driven out of it, you can still smell it for about another hour.
The only thing that comes close……my pug, Mugsy!! His gas can literally kill!!!!
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One of my worst stinks ever was on a highway. If you take I-66 west out of Washington DC, you pass Dulles airport and once you get out into the sticks past Manassas it narrows down to 2 lanes.
It was a HOT 100°+ day and there was no wind.
I was stuck behind 2 semi trailers full of trash from what had to be DC’s waterfront fish market.
Side by side.
Deliberately screwing with me by going 25 mph.
It was wretched.
As for worst stretch of road,
I-90 through South Dakota, Which consists of little else but a laser-straight road, grazing sheep and Wall Drug signs for the entire length of the state.
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NC Interstate 40 from Benson to Warsaw host several pig farms. You would have thought every grandma in NC was cookin chitlins.
Just up river from my home town of Burlington NJ is the Rolm and Haas checmial plant in Bristol PA. Many a morning waking up in gag state from the stench waifing cross river into NJ. Not like NJ needs any help from PA.
Ginger – I agree with you. The dullest stretch of highway, I70 EB from Denver to Topeka. I think I have had my fill of amber waves of grain, I’ll take mine in the bottle form now.
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Along the same lines as JCIII’s comment above…Worst smelling stretch of road is along Route 13 on the Eastern Shore/DELMARVA Peninsula…..between Salisbury MD and Temperanceville, VA. are a Perdue AND a Tyson Chicken Processing Plant….right on the highway. With the air currents just right, you can smell them MILES before you actually see them. And the flocks of seagulls in the vicinity are a dead giveaway even if for some reason you don’t smell it miles beforehand.
Chicken rendering and chicken shit…….oh baby!
Breath that perfume in deeply!!lol
Worst smelling stretch of highway EVER!
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The short little shit smear of highway called AZ-90 from I-10 south of Tucson to Hippie Town, USA (Bisbee, AZ). It’s 50 miles of absolute angrifying terror: 45 MPH speed limits on a stretch of road on which you can see from one end to the other: Border patrol checkpoints smattered throughout at random intervals: Mexicans hiding under in plain sight in dried creek beds: and the scenery sub-par to the interior of a card board box full of thorns are al present on the highway to hell.
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One of the worst smells I can think of is when we get the garbage from NY delivered and it sits in open train cars all summer long in and around town. We looked at a house close to the dump and it was like all the smell had condensed in the house. Didn’t help the people who lived there were pigs and had 3 layers of carpet on the floor. Who knows what was trapped in them. I made it through the 3 layer carpet room but the hallway that followed was worse. Had to turn around and leave gagging.
Knew someone else that went and looked at the house and they made it to the basement which they said smelled 10 times worse. Ugh.
House hunting was the worst. Every house we looked at smelled. Well except the one we bought. That was a big plus when it came to buy.
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This just in… I have a new wvsr limited edition t-shirt sitting right here on my desk and…I’m smelling rosey right now…thankyouverymuch.
Great shirt Jeff. Thanks….
but I’m still not all that happy with the Chineese.
Oh..and by the way…Pakies stink!
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One of the worst things I have ever smelled was an Afghan farmer who had never before taken a bath, ever. I was eating some dry dates when he walked by and I could taste his stench. No shit (though I would have preferred it), the aroma sat itself on my tongue and I tasted the smell. I can’t eat dates anymore because they now, and will forever, taste like that filthy nasty sample of the Pashtu Pleasure.
Human skin in the process of being ON FIRE is also an unpleasant smell. Oh, and paper mills.
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I actually enjoy the solitude of I-10 between San Antonio and El Paso and on to Phoenix. I enjoy the romance of the road, not to be confused with road-head. To be left alone and drive into oblivion forever is much preferred over aggravating jackass small towns and speed traps. Although, I do hate the dip shit “Safety Corridors” and infinite construction to nowhere through New Mexico.
I’ve driven back and forth through all the western states, and generally like the routes. Quite, peaceful, not a whole lot of traffic. Montana has one really nice highway in the Bozeman region. The speed limit is something like 80 MPH and it is an up and down winding rollercoaster road. Wyoming had really nice scenery; from giant frosty mountains I could drink beer out of, to rolling plains of cowboy land.
Drive through Idaho if you want to see where the hops in your beer really come from.
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Drivng through Ohio on I70 to Indiana is boring as fuck. Flat, corn, flat, corn. The only thing that breaks it up for me is that there are antique malls scattered throughout right off the exits. My boyfriend hates it because it just prolongs the inevitable agony of the boring-ass drive.
Stench? My male pug’s breath could blow your hair back at 10 pace’s. The ride through New Jersey on the Schuylkill Expressway. There used to be a paper plant located somewhere on that death trap of a road years ago. And I agree with Tilly…rotten potatoes….PEEEE UUUUU!!!
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I have a perfect fit to this question. I drove through Kansas once and can’t understand how their suicide rate isn’t 100%. We stopped at a gas station / cafe. It was a husband and wife type operation. I guess they lived there because there wasn’t another fucking thing within a 200 mile radius (I know because that’s how far you could see nothingness in each direction.)
The husband had a gangrenous foot. And I swear there was a hint of excrement in there somewhere, like he’d been sitting there shitting himself. He was sitting in a chair in a corner of the cafe part – which was, not surprisingly, completely empty. Although I went in there hungry I didn’t eat because the smell was so bad you could taste it. He yelled at me when I walked out, “You better gas up. There’s not another goddamn gas station until you pass the state line.” That turned out not to be true. I wonder how many times he’s run that little scam?
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The stretch of route 71 between Cincinnati and Columbus. Flat, boring, punctuated by farms, two outlet malls (one for each side of the highway), threateningly religious billboards, and one scary redneck compound where you imagine the Hills Have Eyes people live. I’ve almost been killed many a time on that road as I think everyone falls asleep at the wheel.
One time a car started veering off the road to our left, then over-corrected. Before we knew it, he was sideways in the road and heading right for us. Evasive maneuvers worthy of Captain Kirk were employed. We shot around him and he landed in the ditch on the side of the road. Several yards and soiled drawers later, we pulled over to collect ourselves. Suddenly a suave guy in a red sports car pulled up out of nowhere.
“You know him?” he asked.
We replied in the negative.
“I’ll take care of him.” he smirked in a disturbing way.
It might have been all those religious billboards talking, but I think he was the devil, come to take another careless soul.
Regarding smells, my Costco fish oil pills are gettin’ pretty rank. Like the Bowels of Cthulhu rank. Only 600 more to go!
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This just in, a Cheektowaga man attempts to marinate his cat:
http://www.buffalonews.com/city/article97630.ece
I bet that would have smelled nice, eventually.
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The cat, according to police, was in a cage “marinating” in a mixture of crushed red peppers, chili pepper, salt and oil.
Those flavors would never make it to the meat through all that fur. What an idiot.
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@ bikerchick – I had a cat that had breath that could gag a maggot, but I’d give anything for one more whiff of Pie Dude’s breath just to have him with us. (He passed 3 years ago and we STILL mourn the little punk!)
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What the fuck..no parsley? What a loser. Go hungry you stupid fuck. Parsely makes the whole cat recipe.
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The whole thing sounds like a Monty Python joke.
“Busy! I just spent four hours marinating the cat!”
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Most boring highway: I-74 bisecting Illinois: Pool table flat, endless stream of small towns with identical silos and service stations. Worst smell? Hangover stew that had been vomited into bait box filled with rancid herring by fellow crewman on lobster boat. Captain ordered us to continue filling bait bags with the blend until it was gone.
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I agree with Dave’s not here, man about the East Toledo
refinery on route 2, the smell is so strong it has a pulse. We always knew were arriving in Toledo by that stench. Boring drive for me is route 23 from Columbus to Toledo fields of corn and soybeans everywhere. Plus for added enjoyment they throw in a turkey farm.
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Detroit had quite the funk going sometimes. I remember the almost vivid yellow spewing from a smoke stack visible from the Ambassador bridge. But I’ll tell ya this, it sure cleared my sinuses even though it stank to high hell. The cleared sinuses usually lasted until about an hour south of Toledo.
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I-71 between Columbus and Cincinnati is totally nowheresville! Nothing but the aforementioned outlet malls (one of them is pretty much boarded up) and Kings Island. Nasty smells are also found on I-71. Coming into Columbus from the south is the county landfill (the second highest point in the county–true!) and then you roll right past the water treatment plant. Nothing says “Welcome to the Capital of Ohio” like the smells of garbage and bodily functions!
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Vomit and rancid herring? We have a winner!
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I-20 between El Paso and Dallas is one boring heck road. I once drove ~200 miles along there on cruise control without having to touch a pedal. Only stopped because the car needed fuel. It has the added bonus of nice chewy petrochemical air too.
The Hatfield brand pig slaughterhouse (in Hatfield, PA) can smell pretty sickening. I have to drive past there fairly often. I like my pig products but I don’t buy Hatfield brand stuff – irrational I know, like the other pig slaughterhouses are any better.
Sacramento to Reno is an awesome drive in a good car!
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I was wondering if someone would mention Hatfield. Uck. Nasty.
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I think the worst stretch of road I’ve been on has to be the ride from Sprinfield, IL to Chicago on I57, it’s just 1 straight line, and grass as far as the eye can see for 3 hours…and I don’t know the name of the road, but we had to drive a pretty long (5 hours) stretch of road through Oklahoma and it the worst part about driving home from Cali. For some reason, there were barely any street lamps so it was pitch black, we got pulled over by a dyke cop for going too slow in the fast lane but we were going 65 in a 60, shortly after, we both almost shit our pants when we barely dodged a freshly dead buck in the middle of the pitch black highway. When we wanted to stop, there was a toll on the exit ramps, and when we did finally stop the gas station was a long decayed, desolate shack straight out of a horror movie. There were no signs or anything indicating that it was closed. So we had to drive another half hour before finally finding a rest area. 2 cops were in there, and made sure to follow us around the rest area like we were out to rob the place…Needless to say, as soon as we got to Missouri, we were instantly happier. Worst smell: Gary, Indiana.
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@ Dave…Sorry Farty/Jason…the drive the panhandle was also horrid. I’ve never seen so much nothing in my life.
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I said @ Dave in reference to your Texas comment…since I didn’t make much sense in my last post.
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@Tilly…Hahahaha, my boyfriend works in one of those steel mills! lol. I put Gary before I even read your post. Awesome.
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The only thing about Gary is that it’s not the steel mills that make Gary sad. The mills have to be guarded by heavy security. It’s the people that live there, or sell crack and murder people there, or whatever that make it a miserable and scary place. My boyfriend often tells me stories of toothless hookers that offer hand jobs for cigarettes, and crackheads wandering the streets like vampires. It’s quite a place. Sorry for the 87 posts.
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3 week dead august body is pretty gross.
The worst is probably the Mead plant in Chillicothe (if it’s still there), the whole town smells like a cabbage fart.
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I agree on the Cincy to Columbus trip. Boring. My ex doesn’t think it’s so bad but I think she was just being contrarian.
On I-75 in Cincy is P&G and also a flavoring plant as well as I believe Jim Beam. Sometimes it smells nice. Sometimes it smells like a circus clowns’ trailer.
Worst drive ever? NASCAR. 500 miles of nothing but left turns, jerk drivers, and the same assholes at every gas station.
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Oh, I’ve done that stretch of I-5 (“The 5″ for SoCal folks) and the trick is to try to beat your time from the previous trip.
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“Worst drive ever? NASCAR. 500 miles of nothing but left turns, jerk drivers, and the same assholes at every gas station.”
t-storm..yeah…but every now and then you get to sniff Danika Patrick’s exahaust.
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Some people think the smell of a crematorium is offensive, but I’ll always associate it with my college graduation ceremony. In 110 degree heat. And 99% humidity.
So, the smell of success, to me, equals Gramma roasting in the oven at the funeral home just across the street from the JMU quad. Tayshtee!
Route 85 out of NC is pretty dang boring. Nothing but Carolina pines to look at, which are 50 feet tall and nothing but stalk. It’s like being an ant in a cornfield.
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Also – Elizabeth, NJ in 1978. On our yearly trips to LI for Thanksgiving we came to know that town as ‘the toilet testing plant’ for good reason.
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I used to drive I-70 from Columbus to Illinois for school. The stretch through Indiana is the most boring, desolate piece on interstate I’ve ever been on. I recently made the same trip after about 30 years, and the same houses are there, just dilapidated, and looking like they hadn’t been painted since I went to college. Farming doesn’t pay. Combines and tractors rusting in the fields show how bad the Indiana economy must be. Why go to a casino when you can buy a farm? It’s the biggest gamble there is, and I guarantee you’ll lose your money!
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Yeah, Danica Patrick. what’s that other chick in NASCAR? Oh yeah, Jeff Gordon.
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Wow, I remember this episode right after I was married. My wife’s family had some of those 55 gallon blue plastic barrels with food storage in the back shed. The shed had leaked and a barrel full of powered milk sacks had soaked up some water. May turned into August and nobody in the house could take it anymore. I had a horrible stuffed up nose, so I volunteered to “do the deed.” Of course, as soon as I got back there and start rolling them around, I heard this puking. I looked out and saw my backyard neighbor in his lawn puking his guts out. A moment later his wife ran out of the house and started puking too. As I rolled one of the barrels around front to my trailer, I saw a neighbor four or five house down run outside, flip me off, and jump in his car and leave. As I drove down the highway, there was this huge gap behind me in both lanes. People would “shoot it” around me flipping me off as they passed. The topper though was when I got to the landfill. It was a self-serve deal so there I am in the middle of the landfill dumping these barrels, and I hear from way far away a bulldozer coming. This guy who works there, drives a good 4-5 hundred yards over to me, slides open his window and yells, “Damn, that’s some nasty shit!” priceless. I had to leave my shirt and jeans and drive home in m underwear.
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I don’t know but I guess Danika is a shemale. And she plays the part well. I’d talk to her, maybe even buy her an Italian meal. Noodles and whatever? And A Salad? I’m in love with you, whore. Come on, and let’s have a nice life!
Jason / T. Farty McAppleass
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Fuckfaces! I love you too. Don’t be jelous!
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3 THINGS:
1st:
When I moved from Cincy to the Eastern Shore of Virginia (ESVA?) there was an ummmmm incident. There are an assload of chicken rendering plants in that part of the country (The DelMarVa penninsula, actually) and someone didn’t close the valve on one of the chicken fat rendering tankers and it drove up Va Rt 13 dripping chicken ooze the entire way. The stink was still there 10 days later. They had to lay down sand because cars were spinning out.
2nd:
From the Slobberbone song “I can tell your love is waning”;
‘Cause I can tell your love is waning from the looks and smell of it,
Like getting caught behind a cattle truck and all you smell is shit …
Getting caught behind a cattle truck and all you smell is shit …I don’t know”
3rd:
500 Miles to Memphis in Oklahoma City tonight, rock and or roll.
Wooooooooooooo!
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Memphis, we’re all saved there. Go, if you don’t believe me. Have some BBQ Spaghetti. Crazy good. It doesn’t really stink. And there’s a pyramid there. You’ll see it. Where the fuck is Elvis? Memphis. And I visit him often. Gimme a break. Please.
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Most boring drive for me, just about any road in Saskatchewan, the Transcanada if I can only pick one.
I remember stopping the truck on a tour one time in the early spring, got out for a smoke, walked 360 degrees around the truck, nothing but wheat stubblefields as far as the eye could see in any direction, nothing else at all, except for an excersise in perspective as the two lanes and hydro poles disappear into infinity in both directions, not a house, not a post, not a bump, not anything. No people or vehicles, didn’t even hear birds, just the truck engine clicking away as it cooled off. It was like being in a post apocalypse movie, or the middle of the ocean, vertigo inducing.
I don’t like the smell from chicken farms, or pigshit fertilized fields, or Hamilton harbour’s steel plants, or pulp mills, but is it just me, or does most of Mexico smell like an old mattress on fire in the rain?
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I love you douche nozzles, all of you. You make my day, time and time again. You’re fun! You’re witty! You’re too smart for me! And I love Brittney, Tif, Gretchen, and even John the Basket. He’s clever. I love reading your shit, JTB, and there are others.
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@Tstorm…if you’re referring to the Chillicothe in Illinois…it still smells like a cabbage fart. They also have a summercamp festival every year that I’m sure stinks up the poor little town even more, the smell of incense and dirty hippies overpowers the cabbage smells for a weekend in May every year. Personally I love that smell, but that’s just me. Hippies not cabbage.
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Actually I meant Chillicothe, OH, but I’ll take your word for Illinois.
Hippie cabbage.
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The two worst stretches of highway that come to mind stench wise… US 30 in Plymouth IN and County Road 25a south of Wapakoneta OH. Both are guarded by rendering plants.
Drove from Golden CO to Kansas City once. Not much to see once you drop out of the mile high city.
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New worst stench… my Reds over the last two nights.
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Really bad smells… Right now all over Wisconsin. There are road kill deer everywhere and I’m guessing the highway department has given up on picking them up because when you drive past one with the windows down in the ridiculous heat and humidity we’ve had, it stays with ya for miles!
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The stench from a Vagina full of bad decisions is something that stays with you for a LONG time – and could easily be considered one of he “Most Unpleasant Stretches of Highway”
heh – that sounds more like a Jason post
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Quick side question…you all know I’m headed back to Cincy in a week. I go way back to the Crosley Field days and I’m looking at hitting a Reds game with my sister and Madaline (Maddy) who is a Reds freak. Trust me on that. So I’m looking at tickets 9 rows back of the Cicny dugout right on the first base line. $70 a wack. Seem high? They’re playing the Cubs the 29th. Sunday afternoon game. But holy rectal pucker…seventy bucks? I gotta buy four tickets if I’m buying three. Crap. Maybe I’ll have a chance meeting and take someone…dunno? Anybody gonna be around? I got a house there all of a sudden.
That’s it. Now…back to thinking about stuff that smells bad.
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I wouldn’t call the NJTP endless, but it is pretty boring for the southern half or 3/4. I’ve driven it dozens, maybe hundreds of times; it’s about two hours end-to-end (MUCH more in traffic). For some outstanding smells, get off at exit 10 and take the Outerbridge Crossing to Staten Island, then take a ride through Fresh Kills. For maximum effect, do it in August with the windows open. (For the uninitiated, Fresh Kills is a huge and aromatic landfill.) Or, try getting lost in the Pine Barrens – not boring or smelly, but still unpleasant. Especially with an empty tank and a full bladder.
For boredom, I’ll agree that anything long, straight, flat and featureless qualifies. At one time I thought I’d like to drive the US coast-to-coast, but with each passing year the idea becomes less appealing. Still haven’t done it. Buffalo to Detroit via the 401 was pretty damn boring – it was part of the Albany-to-Chicago nonstop motorcycle odyssey. I can’t imagine some of the drives yez people have described.
Off topic: Most dog owners use the phrase “my dog.” But if the dog in question is a pug, they say “my pug.” I have seen this twice in today’s Comments, but never, anywhere, in reference to any other kind of dog – nobody says “my beagle” or “my golden retriever.” What’s up with that?
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There’s a Chillicothe in Illinois AND Ohio? That must really fuck the minds of Ed McMahon and Dick Clark when they’re trying to find the winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
Ed’s been gone a while and Dick is going to have a devil of a time pronouncing the name.
jtb
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Wost smell was when I was removing the head (don’t ask) from a deer carcass which had met its demise in the winter, had lain in various states of frozen for 2 months and rotted in the spring heat for about two more. The exterior was a dry leathery husk which didn’t smell all that bad but my god the innards. When the animal split open during the decapitation process the gelatinous goo which was the interior released a stench that is simply indescribable. Worse than a dead human body. Worse than a dead human body pulled from the water. It was so bad and so pervasive that I literally had to burn all my clothing including my boots. You couldn’t wash the stink out.
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Ball tickets handled. Ball ticket prices stink.
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Chill: I have my two puggy’s for 10 and 12 years. The are the most animated little clowns, fun, funny and loving…and I have never enjoyed a dog like I have these two. Only a pug owner would understand. I guess the “my pug” thing just goes with the territory.
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I have a “Shitsalot”.
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When I was a kid growing up in small town, we had to drive 50 miles of fairly twisty roads to go to the dentist, doctor, or do any major shopping. I would always spend the trip carsick, on the verge of tossing, and when we would finally arrive at our destination (The Dalles, OR) we would be greeted by the railroad-tie manufacturing company on the edge of town and the overpowering smell of the creosote they were treated with. GAak.
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We used to buy cars at the Fleet Auto Auction in Ft. Wayne. Just to the west was a rendering plant and on the days the wind picked up the whole place smelled like death… nothing like hot dogs for lunch with some rendering plant seasoning.
One of my last big jobs as an electrician was wiring a farrowing barn for new swamp coolers. There’s nothing like going to work in a barn full of hogs on a hot summer morning. For those of you who have never been in a livestock barn the floor is slatted so the excrement goes into a pool underneath the animals. The smell isn’t too bad until they flush the pool then it was time to step outside for a breath of air. If you have a kid that’s not sure if he wants to go to college just get him a job working with pigs! He will be in school before you know it.
Now that I am in NC we have the chicken houses that you can smell way before you get to them.
Not many boring roads up here in the mountains of WNC but 64 going out to the OBX is a LONG ride. Others I have been on include driving through the plains in Illinois and out west. If you want excitement while driving come and drive the Tail of the Dragon! Just watch out for the crashed bikers, this road manages to kill a few during the season.
I dated a woman once that took me home to meet her pugs. Just the idea of those ugly, snorting, wheezing, shit eating, parked car chasing things being around while I am trying to romance her was bad enough that it was our last date.
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St. Louis jacks ticket prices up when the Cubs go play at Busch. Prices are $90 if they play the Reds or the Astros and $140 if tey play the Cubs.
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the reds pump the tix prices too. they’re known as premium dates.
Fuck the cubs, fuck the bitch ass cards, go Reds.
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Apparently I have made the correct desion. Thanks! I fart in their general direction.
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Weird…2 smelly Chillicothe’s? The name must be cursed to smell for eternity or something. Ben and I were just having this conversation recently about the festivals we’ve attended and how badly Chillichothe smells and how horrible the festival is. Who wants to camp without their car? Not me. They make you park in a lot and walk with all your shit a mile to the forest. Screw you Chillichothe…
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This just in..I have just recieved a complimentay a issue of the”Reader’s Digest’” annual humor issue. Can such a thing even exist? And why is “Reader’s Digest” full of crap you can’t stomach let alone digest?
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ummm brittney…. do you know what camping is?
And readers digest is the family circus of literature,
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awesome show last night. Plus i got digits….and an address. That part was weird. That’s like some weird law and order shit.
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Stinks:
Terre Haute Indiana. There was a reason in the movie “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid” that the only stinky-cheese bomb that Nazi/Carl Reiner was able to detonate was there. I had seen the movie tons of times during my youth, & in my late 20′s when I drove down I-70 through TH in the middle of the night, I finally got the joke, & laughed aloud as my nostrils were assaulted.
Nacogdoches Texas. A beautiful town in the pineywoods of East Texas, but hotter than Satan’s buttcrack in the Summer. In the late 70s, THere were 2 chicken plants on the south side of town, Holly Farms & Herider Farms. During the summer months at about 2-3 in the afternoon, the humid, southern gulf breeze would begin to distribute the aroma of rotting chicken carcasses that were being heated up in large metal dumpsters throughout the town. Savagely putrid.
Boring:
I-20/10 from Dallas to LA is a barren landscape of nothing 95% of the time. At least between Odessa & El Paso, they jack up the speed limit to 80 to make it mildly interesting.
The most boring ever was highway switching from Abilene, TX to Denver, CO. Every 40 miles I would have to cheer myself up with a self-administered cockpunch. God awful.
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on CNN today 4 surprising reasons women can’t lose weight (And I’ll accept the go fuck yourself t-storm in advance):
Cheesecake
Not doing housework that they should be doing
Suffrage
Grey’s Anatomy
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i think you can get that cock punch at the chicken plants.
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@Tstorm, yes. Very much.
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Most desolute, depressing stretch of blah…I-40 from Kingman, AZ to Barstow, CA! Worst stench alson on I-40 outside of Amarillo, TX…thousands and thousands of cows stinking it up in cattle pens. Seriously, keep the windows closed!
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