Two Lunches, One Bathroom
Our upstairs bathroom adventure has taken an ugly turn. I don’t even want to get into it… But one thing always leads to another, doesn’t it? It never fails, right?
I’m 46 years old, and know this to be a fact. Yet I’m always shocked by it. Why is that? Hopeful estimating? Naivete? Standard douchery? I don’t know, and don’t really care at this point.
Will somebody please hold me?
I was having “lunch” (8 pm) at work a few days ago, and a woman mentioned that she and her husband already have their cemetery plots, and headstone. They bought them about five years ago, she said.
I thought that was a bit odd, since she’s only 40 or 45, and began asking many questions: the questions everyone else wanted to ask, but didn’t feel comfortable doing so.
Like: Is the headstone already in place at the boneyard?
And yes, it is. In fact, she and her husband spent considerable time designing their halves of the thing. She has a Bible and butterflies on her side, and he has a deer(?!) and birds on his. Weird, man.
Then I wanted to know if they leave flowers at the grave site, and she said they do. Ha!
I also found out the cemetery dude warned them not to put their last names on the stone, since they were so young, and divorce rates are so high. This pissed them off, so they had their last names listed in larger type than normal.
“How about the death dates? Did you list those, as well?” I wanted to know. Apparently they left that part blank, though, to be completed later. And these people call themselves prepared?
Do you think it’s strange, buying your own headstone while you’re still in your late 30s/early 40s? It’s never crossed my mind, not once. Of course I’m going the “burn ‘em up” route, but still.
What do you think about it? Tell me in the comments, won’t you? Also, what kind of eternal clipart would you choose for your headstone? I think I’d go with the original smoking fish, and possibly the Nabisco logo. What about you?
Here’s how Harv played it.
And I was having another lunch a few days ago with the younger Secret, at a local diner. The place has been around for decades, and the walls are covered in all manner of framed photos, many autographed.
You know, something along these lines.
I never really paid attention before, but decided to give it a little extra scrutiny this time. And it’s a very strange mixture of things. There’s an amateurish oil painting of Bobby Kennedy (I think), a photograph of Kramer, various unknown old men in golf gear, a few renderings of Jesus (“Thanks for the support!”), an 8×10 of Cary Grant (I think), etc.
There’s no thread or theme, holding any of it together. It’s just stuff people liked, I guess, over the past forty years or so. Pretty cool.
In California there are signed celebrity photos in almost every place of business. Including, I shit you not, Taco Bell. In the location near my old job, in Burbank, there’s dozens and dozens of the things. Including, I believe, both of the Coreys – Haim and Feldman.
But my favorite celebrity diner photo of all time was spotted in Cooperstown, NY, down the street from the Baseball Hall of Fame. It was a promotional 8×10 of Fyvush Finkel, who played Harvey Lipschultz on Boston Legal. How great is that? Man, I loved Harvey Lipschultz…
Do you remember seeing any especially remarkable celebrity diner photos? If so, we need to hear about it.
And if you’ll excuse me now, I’m going to go back upstairs and cry softly into a couch cushion, as yet another section of shitter wall comes down…
I’ll see you guys on Monday.
Filed under: Daily
Yay!
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Could this be a first?
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters!!!!
What were we talking about ?
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The advent of laser etching has really, uh, spiced up the boneyard markers. I was visiting one recently, here in West-By-God, and along with the hundred or so “Majestic White Tail Buck No.1″ was one featuring a bulldozer, complete with manufacturer name and model number. Now there was a guy who never left work at work.
Me? I’ll go with the standard V.A. issue white marble slab.
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I don’t have a cemetary plot yet. I haven’t decided whether I want to be buried or cremated, but if I’m buried, I already know what my epitaph should be: He paid his bills on time, and didn’t suck up to the suits.
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Tada!
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Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
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I don’t know, but I’d think buying a plot that young is just asking for it. Superstitious? Perhaps, but I’m not taking the chance.
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Harv really wanted people for all eternity to know he attended a Rick Springfield concert? Amazing.
You guys know what a Michael Schenker freak I am, but when I was 13 I told my mother that when I died, I wanted to be cremated and put inside his flying V. I started my musical kookery at a young age, I guess. My mother still tells that story.
I have outgrown that particular fantasy (only because Schenker has 10 years on me, so I’m figuring he’d either kick before me or I wouldn’ t have much time to spend inside that particular receptacle) so I’m going the “burn ‘em up” route as well. Haven’t decided where to be scattered yet – my beloved San Francisco or Italy. Time will tell.
Happy Thursday, Surfers!
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I’m going to put on my headstone “Knock 3 times on the ceiling if you want me . . .”
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I’m gettin’ cremated and my ashes [hopefully] spread somewhere off the Jersey coast. So no headstone here. The best thing I ever saw on a marker was at the grave of a female pilot from WWII. Her family had encased her wings in glass and inserted it into the stone. They must have been very proud of her.
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I meant “but I’m STILL going the burn ‘em up route”. It would be kinda difficult to stuff an entire corpse inside a guitar, I’m thinkin’. duh.
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try the shakes.
I just spit on my keyboard. thanks.
is harvey lipshutz the same character he played on picket fences?
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I’ve seen some stories in the news about people selling their gravesites to make money these days.
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I thought it was kind of spooky making up a will at my age (well, last year, so 41), I’ll be effed if I’m making disposal arrangements. My (now written down & notarized) instructions are to retrieve any useful parts and burn the rest. Where the tailings end up will be no concern of mine at that point.
Actually, I think I’ll change it so my wife (or other executor) will be obliged to buy one of those fancy shitters on the YouTube, just so I can be flushed. That would be cool.
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@ Rusty- Weird… That song is playing on the radio here at work right now-
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I don’t know, but I’d think buying a plot that young is just asking for an acrimonious divorce to befall you. I understand the sentiment of being together til death do us part, but it doesn’t happen that way the majority of the time. It seems like they’re pressing their luck.
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The real money is in selling OTHER people’s gravesites….
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In BOLD letters on my headstone “I am in desperate need of a glass of icewater and a lozenge”
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I am sad for Harv in that he got a chance to see both Ozzy and Dio, but not Black Sabbath. Or maybe he saw Black Sabbath fronted by both gentlemen (?).
I would like an etching of a drum kit on my gravestone. Although I have not been able to make a living playing music, its the one thing in this world I have gotten the most enjoyment out of. The first phrase that pops into my pointy little head as an epitaph: Gabba Gabba Hey! (of course)
The guy buried in the next plot over from my dad has an image of a Greyhound bus etched into his stone. I have often wondered if that is because he drove a bus for a living, or if he got hit by a bus.
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I’m a burn and scatter guy. Just toss me here in the back meadow or up on the mountain and I’ll do just fine. I leave no one around to pay me a ‘visit’. In fact… I hate company anyway and will most likely hate it even more when I’m dead.
If you’re a burn and keep guy Jeff…an unr with your chosen designs seems….uh….simply excellant…as the inscription might read.
Death date….12/21/2012….oh…and by the way…he’s gay.
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@ Lee Harvey Ramone – Isn’t that the cheat code in… Oh never mind.
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I’m on the “take-what-you-need-and-incinerate-the-rest-in-a-cheap-pine-box” plan. No funeral, no cemetery plot, no headstone. I’m hoping my family members will take a small amount of my cremains on every vacation and scatter them in various places. The reality of it is probably closer to this: they cremate me, but the box (no urn) ends up in some dank, forgotten closet. Or the family decides I need to be buried intact and puts me in a corner of the local cemetery with a headstone emblazoned with a bastardized reproduction of a kitschy Thomas Kincaid painting.
btw a friend whose father died a few years ago was recently notified by the mortuary that he needed to pick up the rest of his father’s cremains. Since his father was a sizable man (6’6″ and 275-300 lbs.) he didn’t quite fit in the largest urn available. The rest of the cremains were tucked away, forgotten until recently. So my friend will be giving the rest of the cremains to his father’s parents. Apparently, there IS enough of him to go around. My friend stopped by to show me the box and we had a good laugh about it.
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Roast me, toast me and let me go to the four winds. That is after they harvest any usable organs. Iba shmelba smobok.
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I had to fill out body disposal paper work before I went to Iraq. Cremation for me than and I don’t think I’ve changed my mind on that.
ON a happier note I wanted to share with my fellow Surf Reporters that after 18 long months I will no longer be managing 2nd shift. I finally got moved to a first shift manager position at the distribution center. Woohoo! Jeff, I’ll hoist many a mug in your honor at the happy hours I will once again be able to attend. Keep up the good fight, those hours were killing me.
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Michael J. Fox — LOL!
Congrats Qweezy Mark. Your mother must be so proud!
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@ kristin – and he also play the same character on Boston Public.
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sorry about your shitter troubles, man.
We had an estimate for $800 to fix a problem with our toilet, one thing led to another, yada yada yada, I cried when I wrote a check for $825 to the back-hoe guy and made payments to the plumber totalling $4,700. I’m lucky he let us make payments, huh?
As far as I know, it doesn’t flush golf balls – haven’t tried that. We’re putting it through its paces, tho, yessiree.
re: headstones – I do not want one. I want to be burned and scattered at sea or tilled into a garden.
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Uh oh, speaking of death and ashes….I just read that Frank McCourt is very ill with meningitis and is not expected to survive.
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@ SeanInSac – congrats on the shift change/promotion.
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@ Brynhildr – He is an excellent author, he was the text source for my creative writing class. I believe I have Angela’s Ashes in my library. Browsed over it but never sat down and dug into it. He was in Germany and Korea the same time my father was there. Don’t know if they ever met but who knows. My dad did not talk much about his war time.
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My parents were aged 27 and 22 when their first child died. When they bought his cemetary plot in 1971, they also bought the two on either side for themselves.
We buried my mom in 2003 in the right side, and my dad will be buried on the left side whenever he goes. He has also already paid for the headstone, but not yet had it placed.
He figures it’s less that my sister and I have to handle.
My dads new wife of 2 years will be buried next to her late husband when she dies, not sure what her headstone will read though.
My sister and I are on our own. Being 33 and 36 and both single, theres no telling where we’ll end up.
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No headstone yet, but we have our plots.
There are a few interesting headstones in my parents cemetary. One of a young man who passed in his twenties that has a huge Fender Precision bass guitar (not quite life-sized) engraved in it. Another has an older (wasn’t old when the guy died) pickup truck etched in it.
Another one (once again, a young man) isn’t quite so interesting because of the stone, but because the entire plot has been surrounded by a tiny white picket fence, covered entirely in astroturf, and then completely covered over by dozens of fake flowers. It’s also surrounded by hanging baskets, assorted gewgaws, etc. It’s been kept up that way for years.
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Buying cemetary spots and a headstone at that age is morbid and bizarre. Fucking weird. You’ll die soon enough, think about life for now.
I think I’d like to have some profanity and maybe something that will offend on my headstone. Maybe something like:
“You Motherfuckers need Jesus, trust me.”
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Bunker Cam Caption:
Third bird on left, second wire down – “Bloody Australian tourists”.
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Be careful leaving ashes in urns. I once bought an urn – a beautiful, valuable antique ewer – and later found out that someone’s ashes were in it. You could end up being dumped in the garbage like that poor sod was.
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Jeff, Fyvush Finkel played Harvey Lipschultz in Boston PUBLIC, not Boston Legal…
A friend of mine wishes to be cremated, mixed with a glue/paste, and brushed on the underside of the Space Shuttle, so that when it makes reentry, his ashes get burnt off and scatter throughout the atmosphere. Pretty cool idea, I think.
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My sister had some of her cremains packed in a rocket, and fired off on Guy Fawkes night.
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Having followed along the cemetary process when my grandparents died cemented my resolve to go up the chimney when my time comes. Gravesite people are like obnoxious used car salesmen, only they’re trying to sell you a mini lot with a terrible HOA by trying to get you to fall for the lines about ‘make it easy for your survivors’, ‘buy now and save-prices only go up’. Yadda yadda. No thanks, even the price for a basic cremation is a bitter pill to swallow.
Whats been unearthed in the bathroom project? Galvanized pipe? Expanded rotten areas? Waste pipe cracked?
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I’ll just go sit in the woods when the time comes…
I, Skully, being of sound mind and broke legs, do hereby leaveth my bear rifle to whatever finds it, Lord hope it be a white man. It is a good rifle, and killt the bear that killt me. Anyway, I am dead. Yours truly,
Skully
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@ Limey – You could have at least gave it a proper scattering somewhere a little bit more appropriate. But then again, does it really matter?
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No plots, no headstones….I want to be cremated and tossed over the ocean. If people keep being buried in the ground, in a few decades the whole earth will be taken over by burial plots.
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@Shiny Rod – I agree, but half of them was already in the sink on the way to our septic system before I realized what was going on. Plus, it could have just been a cat/dog/horse/whatever. Whoever had the ewer previously evidently didn’t care enough to keep Rover/Mr. Tiddles/Great Uncle Albert.
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THIS is why you should choose cremation (if you’re tall)! Yikes!!
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,512168,00.html
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I want harvesting/burn n’ scatter, on the Outer Banks of NC (preferably from the top of the Hatteras lighthouse).
However, the wife, for religiosity reasons, wants to bury me (so we’ll have a place to go to remember you – like that lighthouse ain’t just fine?).
She can do what she wants, I won’t be worried about my “vessel” as the Russian Orthodox call it.
If she does get a headstone I want it to read:
“Everyone is appalled.” Or:
“He’s making progress…”.
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Harvest any parts you want, stick me in the oven, and use what’s left to sand the driveway in the winter.
I agree with Jason: making funeral arrangements that young is fucking bizarre unless you’re already circling the drain for some reason.
What was the grief with the bathroom? Lead pipe? Dry rot in a bearing wall? Asbestos? Human remains stuffed in a wall cavity? That’s why you always assume at least 20% for contingency.
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@ Shiny Rod,
Sorry I miss your philosophy lesson and associated question last night. Works been a bitch this week (I feel like my nut sack was used as a speed-bag) so I cut out and saw Br?no.
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Should say Bruno, not Br?no. Character map has failed me again….
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@ Tyrosine – I tied to keep the rhetoric to a minimum but you know how that goes. Good intentions never go unpunished. I was tyring emphasize the different paths same result theory but it may have backfired a bit. Someone interjected religion in the into the equation. All is well though, I hope. I have to do a video tape for a blog site tonight but will be back online later. Peace.
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Come to think of it…if I was to spontaneous combust and only burn up a chair a block of Velvetta…friggin cool.
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Have not thought about my final nap, feel to young yet for that.
On the other subject, I was on a business trip 8-9 years ago to Atlanta and our host took us to a steakhouse called Bones. Seem to recall either a picture or caricuture on the wall of the first Bush president that he had signed, I think there were others, hopefully someone else here has been there and can help me out. The trip up to the Pink Pony afterwards pretty well erased my memory!
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Oh, forgot about the autographs. I was in a little place outside of Dallas last year and there was a signed picture of Tommy Lee Jones hanging on the wall. He had a unibrow and looked like he’d been on a 9 day drunk. Hair all messed up, eyes half closed. Very disturbing.
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interesting to see the number of people going for cremation. i’m with ya.
also happy to see so many offering up the organs before they toast.
i guess surf reporters are all around good folks!
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Tyrosine — if you have a PC, hold the Alt key and type 129 on your keypad. (You can’t use the numbers above the QWERTY keys.) Not that you have much use for it now, but the others are Alt 132, 148, 142, 153, 154 and 225. And that concludes our German lesson for today.
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äöÄÖÜß
Frikken awesome!
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Stupid laptop! Jason gets to have all the fun!
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I’m blonde.
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It goes against everything that I believe to be true, but for some reason I want to be buried intact on a hillside under a shade tree.
Sure, harvest the organs first. I am pretty sure that none of my organs are donatable. Might be good for science…
But bury me on a hill under a tree. I have tried for years now to decide on an epitaph, but I keep drawing a blank. Maybe that is a good thing?
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@Limey that wasn’t ashes it was my stash Dammit! Mom wanted to be buried with Dad but Military Cemeteries frown on that kind of behavour! so my brother & I had to bury mom’s ashes with dad in the middle of the night like a couple of 19th Century Grave robbers! There used to be a Great Restauraunt in Toronto called Ed’s Warehouse the food was God awful: Roast Beef or Steak with instant mashed potatoes & canned peas! But the joint was filled to the brim with incredible antiques and the walls were totally covered with celebrity photo’s Ed just happened to own the the royal Alex theatre next door & would trade meals for snaps with the actors! Don’t give a damn what’s on my headstone won’t be around to read it! Jeff never contemplate the afterlife while sitting on the porcelain just ask Elvis:)
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“Try the Shakes”
Took me a minute, and I haven’t stopped laughing yet.
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No headstone or pre-paid hole. But I would like to be buried in a very large longenberger basket.
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@ Brynhildr,
Thanks! I rarely get to eszett (except when I email my old supervisor where I add it indiscriminatly just to annoy her) but I love the umlauts.
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WB — Jason didn’t get to have all the fun. He forgot the first one.
üäöÄÖÜß
There. Now, I’ve had all the fun. You just need a bigger laptop if you want a keypad. I’ve got 17 inches, baby!
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@ kristin – Yup, don’t waste any real-estate on us. I wouldn’t mind doing the viking thing in respect of my Gaelic ancestry. Dress me up in the family tartan kilt, put a sword in my hands, douse me down with kerosine, light it and push the boat out to sea. Might even have some fireworks on board to really kick things off.
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Taiwan On — don’t worry if you’re not in the best of shape when you die. There are other ways to be useful:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/03/01/MN741639NU.DTL
You too can become an armsicle.
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I like the harvest thing, but when I go.. .there’s notning left. Eyes…nope…kidney, liver, spleen….nope. Lungs…yes. How would you like to be 25 and getting the heart of a 98 year old. Reassuring?…NOT!!
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STOP MAKING FUN OF ELVIS! He’s my hero. Goddamn!
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I’ve got a picture of jesus signed “all my best,JC” it’s designed to piss off the religous loonies
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@ DTO – They do try to match you up with organs of someone younger or equal to your age. Helps to minimize the possibility of organ rejection. Or in SkullyWV’s case, they may make sure he has a non-white persons heart.
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after watching funeral dude sucker family into higher price funeral for my dad ,i decided to prepay my funeral bills and buy lot and headstone/footstones
i asked funeral dude when making my arrangemts if in needed to tattoo ”property of bubba’s funeral home ”on my ass to make sure he gets me when time comes?
he said’i'll remember you, just have someone drop you off in front of funeral home, and they dont even have to slow truck down”
also asked” if i get sick ,can i come and lay in my coffin?
you can check in week or so. then either kick me out or bury, your choice”
seems that is not acceptable
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@ Tyrosine – How was Brüno? Was it as funny as the clips suggested? I saw the Dave Letterman interview and he did a top ten with Sacha.
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@ ralph – this is why you don’t get the burial package>
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Qs7fshswCU
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Jason — Holy sh-t! I was just on Facebook and your name and picture popped up as a friend suggestion. I find that a little creepy since I am not a member of “Fans of the West Virginia Surf Report”. No idea what parameters they use in determining their friend suggestions, but it’s a tad bit “1984″ if you ask me. Those Internets are all-knowing.
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@ Shiny Rod,
Brüno was good. Not as good as Borat, but ya kinda know what to expect this time.
There were a few scenes that were really awkward and clumsy (the attempted peace accord between Israel and Palestine), and a lot more full-frontal male nudity than I think American audiences are used to (although The Watchmen did serve as a warm up). I’m actually surprised that Sacha Baron Cohen wasn’t killed while filming some of the scenes (I could be wrong but I suspect a Jew, dressed as a flamboyant homosexual, interviewing a member of the Al-Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigade in his own home might be tempting fate). It’ll offend all the usual suspects and generate a flurry of controversy and lawsuits, but that’s half the fun.
Overall I give it an 8/10.
Oh, and the Ron Paul scene is PRICELESS!
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Brynhildr’s comment got me thinking. How many of you guys are on Facebook? I shut mine down awhile back because most of my contacts were people I saw on a regular basis. I’d check it and find comments from someone I saw an hour ago and wonder why they didn’t just say something when we were face to face. I just got this feeling that it was replacing normal human interaction.
I may be out in left field but in my twisted logic Facebook works best when trying to keep in touch with distant people: I don’t get out to Buttcrack Montana or Dildo Newfoundland (a real place FYI) too often, so it could be useful keeping in touch with acquaintances that you rarely see.
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@ Tyrosine – Sounds like Mel Brooks still has the crown for offended, I will put that on my list, thanks for the summation.
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@Shiny Rod: “non-white person’s heart”. Snort! Good one, Shiny Rod. Got me laughing again.
@Tyrosine: Not on Facebook or MySpace. According to the nubile young things down at the community college, I don’t exist if I’m not on Facebook. I always reply, “Exactly!” There’s quite a few skeletons in my past whom I don’t want contacting me.
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I’m on Facebook, but thats because all my family live a distance from me and I like it like that. I am even on Jeff’s page but you wouldn’t know me if you didn’t know me. I would probably shock a lot of people if they knew who the real Shiny Rod was. Although, if you have followed my comments, you maybe able to pick me out. But, I’m not joking about my upbringing or heritage. You would just look at me and say no that’s not him.
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@ Gretchen – Didn’t want to offend any cultures out there. I think I offended enough with the philosophy stuff yesterday.
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I only joined Facebook recently. Resisted for ages and ages because I didn’t want to be one of THOSE people. However, I got tired of friends and family not sending me photos via email. “I posted them to Facebook. Just go there to see them.” Lazy bastards. Some of my “friends” are family members that live far away. Others are working moms whom I rarely get to see because they have small children to tend to. (Their idea of a good time is the kids in bed, a glass of wine and Facebook.) A few are people I’ve know since I was young but who have moved away. I don’t have many Facebook friends because that just creates too much work. If someone I know finds me and asks me to “friend” them, I will, but I don’t go looking for anyone. And I don’t make myself easy to find.
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Brynhildr,
How do you know it was me? And if it was me, why didn’t you click me and become my friend?
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My friends and extended family found me. I didn’t go looking. I kinda like my privacy which is why this Lifetime Match doesn’t fit my actual essence. Well, the first part matches. The rest makes me seem like some needy lovesick cow or Charlie Sheen! Not!
You’re a born seducer! You need to feel desired in order to assert yourself. Without peoples eyes on you, you feel quite lonely… and you hate solitude. The proverb “‘better alone than in bad company” certainly wasn’t written with you in mind. You need someone, anyone, and too bad if their not perfect! While waiting for someone better to come along, you’ll make do with them. In love, you search for a sense of balance. You will both enjoy your personal freedom and you both enjoy romance too. Their ambitious and incredibly successful so be willing to support them in their aims. They will try to please you in every way they can. They love competitive sports, so expect to go along to cheer them on.
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Cremation for me, and chuck the ashes in the nearest piece of big, moving water,
Sacha Baron Cohen is a douche. Cruel to open people.
Michael J. Fox, on the other hand, is a decent guy.
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My wife and I have had our cemetery plots paid for now for a couple of years. No stones are in place yet, cause I believe I have some time left. At least I hope that is so.
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Jason — your pic is the same on Facebook as the link you have attached to your name here. It took me a second to figure out why you were familiar. Do you accept friend requests from random strangers? In this day and age, that could come back to bite you in the ass. And if you thought I was a complete nutjob, then you’d have my real name. Sometimes, anonymity is key. Oh, and I couldn’t have handled the rejection if you had ignored my request or outright mocked it. I have a fragile ego.
Shiny Rod — nope, just checked. I couldn’t pick you out of the list.
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Eventually, when the time is right! You’ll know me when you see me.
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Brynhildr,
I’ll take you if you ask. I won’t trample on your fragile ego. There aren’t that many who are bigger “nut jobs” than me, to be honest.
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Where we will be buried is an ongoing discussion between my husband and me. It is ongoing because I am a planner, and he doesn’t want to talk about it. The thing is that there is a legitimate dilemma. Almost everyone on his dad’s side of the family is buried in the same cemetery in a small town in northwest Ohio. On my side of the family my maternal grandparents bought six plots back in the eighties to be dispersed on a first come first served basis. So far they have been the only takers.
Because my husband doesn’t like to talk about it, we have agreed that whoever dies first relinquishes his or her right to make this decision. He doesn’t seem to understand that it isn’t who makes the decision or even what the decision is that is important to me. I just want the decision to be made. This loose thread leaves me with a nearly imperceptible, but constant, level of anxiety.
No headstone yet, but I suppose on my side I will have a Taco Bell logo, and on my husband’s side he’ll have a Kamel Red logo. You know, so people will know how we got there.
Oh, facebook, yes; linkedin, yes; myspace, no.
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@ Gretchen – RE: facebook, myspace, etc. Don’t worry the statute of limitations has probably run on most of that stuff.
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I don’t know if it went unnoticed or unmentioned, but Jason’s “You Motherfuckers need Jesus, trust me” is funny as shit. Thanks. I’m laughing my ass off.
As for Facebook, well, I’m in. Helps to keep in touch with “distant” friends. But never hurts to help with connections, concert tickets, etc. Of course, if I have something worthwhile to say to a friend, I’ll call ‘em up and give them shit verbally. Unless of course its more effective to publish it to all their friends, then I’ll make it public.
I’m going for the pine box. I’d prefer no box but that is illegal here in WV. At first wanted to be cremated, but decided its better to go back to dirt. Just wish it was legal to be rolled into a pit, wanna bypass the whole coffin thing. To hell with being buried in an expensive box. Let me rot out.
And yes, have offered to donate organs. But other than the eyes, they will probably be shot. If there is a body out there that can accept and thrive on my liver then it is tougher than hell and can survive without any liver whatsoever.
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I must say though…my folks took care of all their final arrangements a while back. They took care of everything. Pretty much as a favor to me and Sis, I’m sure. When Mom died, Dad was in no mood to be asked if he wanted any up grades and it was easier for him to do as Mom and him had planned. Dad’s good at…”Nope”. He goes every Sunday for a visit and that’s pretty cool I think.
“Final Arrangements”….cool name for a band!
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Headstone- “Please forward all invoices to my wife”
There was a diner in North Carolina that had an autographed photo of Dave Kingman next to an autographed photo of Billy Graham. I thought that was weird.
Did you know- Dave kingman led the league in home runs in 1982 while having a lower batting average than pitcher Steve Carlton?
On IPOD right now- “Santeria”- Sublime
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If I’m not mistaken, I believe Mr.Man is planning to stuff and mount me and sell me on Ebay…
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@ DTO – That does sound like a good name for a band. Isn’t there a band called The Arrangements though.
http://www.myspace.com/thearrangements
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@ Tammie – and the bidding will be fierce for the Blonde Goddess….
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@Brynhildr-Just asked our IT manager for a new 17″ laptop, they told me to stick it. Oh well.
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@ WB in OH – Your IT manager must be a luddite or he’s hording all the good stuff for people that don’t need it. You know the ones. That really sucks.
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@SR-She’s actually quite nice and is certainly not a luddite (had to google that term) she just doesn’t have the budget required to supply us with all are wants just our needs. You know the song lyrics from the Rolling Stones: you can’t always get what you want but if you try some time you get what you need. What the hell is the nam of that song?
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@White Trash Barbie: LOL!
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@ WB in OH – Oh the ol dreaded budget. We were suppose upgrade all of our PC’s and laptops to XP before the budget crunch. I’m still on Windows 2000 at work but all my home computers are XP or Vista.
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A little music is about due…..I like Joe….good tune to crank up!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwU-ftZfc04
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And for those who joined in the lively discussion in philosopy, I share this lovely melody. It;’s friday, lets have some fun.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_Xdk4PujOE
@ DTO – Loved it, that was excellent.
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I am among the donate what’s usable for organs or to science to scare high school and college kids about what NOT to do to your body. Then burn me up. I don’t really care what happens to my ashes. Wally will probably go first. We have no kids. I guess we will have to donate the money to science, too.
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@WB in OH- You Can’t Always Get What You Want is the name of the song. Good song and so true!
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@WB in OH,
You can always get a full sized keyboard and plug it in to your lap top. I’ve got one at work which I never use. You’re welcome to if you want.
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@Trish-Thanks, I was looking for it on a lyrics web site but couldn’t find it.
@Tyrosine-My desk is to fucking cluttered for more electronics, especially just to make crazy looking German letters(?)/symbols. But I appreciate the offer none the less.
Man it sure is quiet around here today, either people are really busy or on vacation, with this crowd I’ll bet the latter!
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Did someone say Eta Kooram Nah Smech, cause it is really quiet here today. Oh well, I got a bottle of 12 year old The Glenlivet and if you’re still standing there when that engine starts, you never will figure it out.
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Check out the new “Further Evidence” link. Good Gawd Almighty!
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@ Jason – You mean Good gawdy almighty? I never saw so many colors in one location since the last time I visted venice Beach back in the 80′s. That takes fanatic to a whole new level.
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Colors? Is that what you noticed? What about the Bea Author’s beaver? Sweet Sassy Molassy.
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I may have mentioned before, that stuff (nudity) don’t get to me like it did when I was a lot younger. I have a very deep respect for women now but as art, I thought it was interesting. Nothing really outright degrading except the Bea Author in Nazi latex. But, since I’m on the company “eh um” states dime. I didn’t want to mingle to long.
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@Jason:
“Check out the new “Further Evidence” link. Good Gawd Almighty!”
Zee goggles! They do nothing!
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@ Jason – Now the scene in “True Lies” where Jamie Lee Curtis dances for A’nold, that raised a knuckle. Just can’t seem to find that kind of talent and good conversation anymore.
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Please tell me where to find the picture of the birds on a wire with one upside down. It was one of your bunker cams. I love that upside down bird!!
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Here you go, Leo: http://thewvsr.com/troubleontheline.jpg
Also, Cronkite is dead.
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I violated the bro code by sleeping with my best friends baby sister last night. Obviously, I can’t talk about this with anyone so I’m venting here. Regret? No. She is an amazing woman that I’ve had a crush on for years. However, the age difference and the distance mean that this was likely a one time thing. My head is spinning.
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Well Kevindust…you now must give up your younger brother to him to make things square….I don’t make the rules.
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was it Leo that called it on Walter Cronkite a week or so ago? shivers
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LMAO @ DTO
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@ Kevindust – It’s not really any of my business, but since you put it out there… If this is really something that you want to pursue, then age (as long as she’s legal) and distance are just obstacles to be overcome. Don’t let those circumstances decide for you. Of course, if she isn’t legal, then put as much distance between you as possible.
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@ Kevindust – I just checked the Bro Codex and if she’s a hottie, you can make a move on your best friends baby sister granted she has reach the legal age of consent. You have earned bronze bro status. Bset friends unattached mother gets you gold status.
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I’ve got diamonds on the soles of my shoes………
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Oh no, here we go agian, you OK man? Now don’t mess with Glenlivet buzz. If I start singing Margaritaville, someone come and put me to bed.
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@ WTB and SR, thanks for the support, she’s over 20 and a total hottie.
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@ Jason…dance on the diamonds!!
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@ Kevindust – Your in like Flint, eh for those of us who remember the American James Bond. Wait I’m still typing, need more scotch.
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Kevin,
She’s old enough. Get in those guts!
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Oh have we sunk to the lowest form of slutiest behavior. I’m almost about to turn on some parrot head music. The scotch is taking affect.
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“Wasted away again in Margaritaville
Searchin’ for my lost shaker of salt.
Some people claim that there’s a woman to blame,
But I know, it’s my own damn fault.
Yes, and some people claim that there’s a woman to blame, And I know it’s my own damn fault “
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Hey Shiny Rod, are you Scotch-Korean?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3kpyJI2JBo
Naw, it’s a different contradiction!
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I don’t want the burial or the burn, I’d rather just be set out in the sun and let the bugs and birds eat me.
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So I guess Angry White Guy got his deathwish regarding Cronkite. RIP Wally.
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@ Gretchen – You must have seen my photo. No I wasn’t wearing my kilt but I am holding my Axxe. Gaelic yes, Scotch maybe. I’m definitely full of it now. Glenlivet that is. Enjoying one of the few pleasure that I can afford. My boat is getting some work done, starter went out and I need to get it tuned up.
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@ dabigo – Thats what SkullyWV wants, maybe he’ll let you hold the rifle too.
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I seem to recall that you have a nephew at Virginia Tech who is a star football player and whom you’re very proud of, so your hat gave you away.
Good luck with your boat.
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@ Gretchen – He was MVP for the Orange Bowl. He worked hard for it and the whole family is proud of him. I’m next on the awards list since I became a member of Alpha Chi and The National Society of Collegiate Scholars by maintaining a 4.0 GPA since 2006. It sounds like I’m bragging a bit but I’m proud of my achievement. Most of the older siblings in my family look Korean though. We have those squinty eyes but my Grandfather was part Cherokee.
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@Shiny Rod: My husband is half Japanese, half Italian. Not as entertaining as Scotch-Korean, but nearly as schizo.
My best friend actually has a similar makeup to you. Buffet Genetics, gotta love it. 
Congrats on your long stretch o’ 4.0s. I was only able to go two semesters with a 4.0 as an undergraduate, and that wasn’t in a row. And your field of study is a little more, er, strenuous than English major, aka the second most useless degree after Philosophy.
Man is it late. Or early. Goodnight commentators and lurkers. Until we meet again at a more reasonable hour.
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Same here, the Glenlivet is in full bloom now and I’m ready to start singing Jimmy Buffet songs. P.S. – I love Philosophy but not as a major.
Night all….
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@mountie9wv – If you don’t want the pine box, have you thought about donating your body to the body farm? (aka, the University of Tennessee Anthropological Research Facility)
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White Trash Barbie – That would be fine with me to. So long as they recycle me when they are done.
On beer number 4, in case anyone was wondering.
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Beer number 4? Damn. I’m sitting here eating a Chick-Fil-A sandwich. I’m going to get some beer.
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I’m finishing up beer number 3. I picked up some Flying Dog while I was in Maine and the Snake Dog is excellent!
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Beer number 4?!?….Obviously…you sleep in….
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No beer, but I have some more Glenlivet to finish off.Enough for two more glasses I think. Anything that has me singing along with Jimmy Buffet has got to be good.
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@ Tammie – The Flying Dog is gooood! I even have the Flying Screen Saver. Lowes Foods carries all the varieties here in Raleigh. I have even been able to pick up a case of Fullers London Pride.
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I’ve never seen it near Charleston. In fact it’s telling me on the website that it’s only sold in WV near Martinsburg. I will be forced to pester them until they find someone to carry it near Charleston.
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I’ve been drinking Rolling Rock recently. I know it’s not fancy, but it’s refreshing. Twenty or thirty Rolling Rocks and I feel very refreshed.
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I just called my friend who manages the Lowes Foods and he said they have it in stock. YOu know how web sites are, tey don’t always stay up to date, either way heres the reps email. They say they have it available in 46 states. They also said: If you live in the middle of nowhere and step 1 or 2 didn’t help you, it sucks to be you and move somewhere they have Flying Dog.
stephanie.hinote@flyingdogales.com
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@ Jason – I guess Rolling Rock is better that Buttwipers (Budwieser). Don’t know, never drank rolling rock or any malt liquors. Just the following before I switched to drinking the micro brews:
Mickey’s
Michelob
Millers
Bud
Heinekin
San Miugel
Tiger
Avery is my favorite then Flying Dog followed by Rogue. Thats my beer list.
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Rolling Rock isn’t a malt liquor. It’s a premium beer from the glass lined tanks of old latrobe. There’s a saltyness or mineral water type thing about it that I like.
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I’m off to buy some more Blue Moon. Coors (regular) is my daily driver. The local market here was taken over by Lowes Foods…I’ll look for some Dawg even though I’m in the middle of nowhere….and that is a deffinite up-side. They’d order some in for me if I want. The beer truck hits here every Wednesday.
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I didn’t mean to confuse the two. I was just saying I haven’t drank Rolling Rock and I have never drank any malt liquors either. Something cliche’ about malt liquors I just don’t like. Of course, there are a lot of beers I have tried. I usually go the Flying Saucer with some of my friends from the US Postal Service to chat and drink a bit. The pub touts some more than 200 beers in stock. I may have tried about 25 but my friends now has a plate on the wall (sampled 200 beers) and he still has tried every beer they carry. Lot of microbrews and imports out there.
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“Has not that is”…
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I would say that the difference in Rolling Rock and a good IPA is like moving from Velveeta to a nice young Goulda. Laugh Jason, that was suppose to be funny.
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Gouda, Jeezum crow, I haven’t even started drinking yet.
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When I got off the road in ’78 and went back to Cincy and the music conservatory at U.C., Rolling Rock was all I drank. Honest…not even the water. Good rice beer as I remember.
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Rice beer? Really?
I’ve had good gouda and even plain old cream cheese. I don’t like them as well for several reasons. First, they tend to stick to your pubes. Not fun. Second, they aren’t shaped in that long rectangular way that Velveeta is, and I need that. Finally, you can carry a loaf of Velveeta into the bathroom without raising a lot of suspiction. But the minute someone sees you go to the bathroom with a wheel of Gouda under your arm they start talking. “What’s that pervert doing?” “Must be up to no good. Nobody takes cheese into the bathroom with them. Nobody decent, that is.”
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Jason….yep…I think it says so on the bottle.
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Jeezum crow I’m out of beer and it’s not even 6:30.
Now what?
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Tammie,
Start drinking mouthwash and vanilla extract. It’s the only way.
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Hey Jeff…is the crap catcher back to practicing catch catch and release?? ……just wondering….
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catch catch…WTF?…..I’ll be out on the porch if anyone needs me……
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Mmmm, all this beer talk is making me thirsty! I can’t wait to see what the husband, who has ventured out to pick up dinner and a movie, brings home with him. He usually makes a great selection. Usually…
A few weeks ago, however, he picked up a sampler of Flying Dog, which is great beer, but the sampler box turned out to be full of 8 ounce bottles. I’m sorry, but I demand quality AND quantity.
And about Rolling Rock – several years ago in a fancy pants yuppie type restaurant, my husband, a friend of his and I asked the waitress what beers they had. Her reply? Oh, we have everything. My husband and his friend gave each other a look as if to say, ok, we’ll start with something easy and work our way up. They asked for Rolling Rock, and she said, oh, we don’t have that; I’ve never heard of that. Yeah, apparently they didn’t have everything.
@ Shiny Rod – If you ever decide to try some malt liquor, I suggest pairing St. Ides with Papa Johns pizza. Outstanding combination. i don’t know why, but it is.
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@ White Trash Barbie – No Malt Liquor, got enough of a stigma to deal with.
@ Tammie – I just had to go to Lowes Foods and low and behold, they had the Snake Dog, so I bought two 6er’s. So I’m lifting a bottle in your honor. Thanks for the recommendation and a double thanks for the excellent post on mockable.
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Oh and I,m having my Snake Dog with some grilled knackwurst.
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Dammit, Shiny Rod, you just have too much fun: a great scotch last night, and a great beer tonight, coupled with a wonderful greazy (the “z” was intentional) sausage! If I was in Raleigh, I’d be knockin’ on your door! You’re just right down my alley.
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We’d be doin’ harmony to Jimmy buffet, after we got tuned in!
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@ Greg – Surf Reporters are always welcome. The single malt scotch works better as tuning fluid. We might have to see when Jimmy will be in Charleston so we can hook up with Tammie and hubbie, I owe her a case of Snake Dog since they don’t sell it down there yet.
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WHOO HOO! Jimmy Buffet and a case of Snake Dog! Jeezum crow, I’d feel like a princess!
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I live in Parkersburg, just a short haul from Charleston. We could all get together and share our resources. At least, WV residents can now enjoy Yuenglings!
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My cousin from Charleston was a single malt afficionado. (RIP) It took me a while to develop a taste, but I’m right in there, now.
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I developed a taste for scotch (Johnny Walker Black) when I was in college, and it just went from there. Single malts were a whole new thing for me. I’m not an expert yet, but I do enjoy them.
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I started with bourbon in college when a friend brought a gallon bottle from his dads stash. We tried to make a dent in it but the seems to keep refilling itself. Have you ever drank bourbon from a beer mug? We did, damn we were tore up that night. I started drinking single malt a few years ago while golfing with friends. Well, they were golfing and I was drinking the scotch. Balvenie was the aiming fluid of choice that day. Boy was that sweet. Been hooked on single malt since. My favorite so far is Glenfiddich although, I am really enjoying the Glenlivet.
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I remember my first beer,…
no, wait a minute, I don’t.
I remember my first beer today,
no, wait a minute…
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQFEY9RIRJA
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Hey….Gordon of Peter and Gordon died.
http://undercover.com.au/News-Story.aspx?id=8786_Gordon_Waller_of_Peter_&_Gordon_Fame_Dies
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So…Freddie from Freddie and the Dreamers next? Crap…Chad and Jermery?
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Jeff, check out nursethehate.blogspot.com July 12 blog. it might bring back young man memories.
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@ DTO – How the two Corey’s, Haim and Feldman.
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Shiny Rod…huh?….don’t know that…
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Those two guy were in about every teen movie back in the 80′s. Beside my bad typing, damn you Mavis Beacon…I was doin just fine with two fingers.
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Frank McCourt passed. He was on our bucket list just a couple days ago.
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Tammie, Greg – I checked the schedule and Jimmy is not doing anything south of Va for the rest of this year. When he posts his 2010 schedule, maybe we can get tickets and meet up. Hopefully he will have Charleston on his tour next year. If not. we got plenty of spots from VA to Florida for a Jimmyfest.
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The world’s oldest man died yesterday at 113. He was a WWI vet and attributed his longevity to cigarettes, whiskey, and wild women.
There is hope for some of you yet.
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Gave up cigarettes years ago but I’m still in to single malt scotch and wild women.
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@ Brynhildr – Finally got my Facebook point to Jeff’s so you should be able to see my picture. Not my best shot but it will do.
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White on white translucent black capes
Back on the rack
Walter Cronkite’s dead
The bats have left the bell tower
The victims have been bled
Red velvet lines the black box
Walter Cronkite’s dead
Undead undead undead
The virginal brides file past his tomb
Strewn with time’s dead flowers
Bereft in deathly bloom
Alone in a darkened room
The count
Walter Cronkite’s dead
Undead undead undead
Jesus, Gretchen, I didn’t WISH he would die. Just thought it was his time.
DId you know- Walter was an only child?
On IPOD right now- “Add It Up”- Violent Femmes
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Here’s a little Ezra Pound to get your week started:
Damn it all! all this our South stinks peace.
You whoreson dog, Papiols, come! Let’s to music!
I have no life save when the swords clash.
But ah! when I see the standards gold, vair, purple, opposing
And the broad fields beneath them turn crimson,
Then howl I my heart nigh mad with rejoicing.
The man who fears war and squats opposing
My words for stour, hath no blood of crimson
But is fit only to rot in womanish peace
Far from where worth’s won and the swords clash
For the death of such sluts I go rejoicing;
Yea, I fill all the air with my music.
(From Sestina: Altaforte)
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Good news fellow Surf Reporters – The ConAgra plant in Garner, NC is reopening after the fatal explosion an couple months ago. The Slim Jim production should be back in full operation within the next 2 months. You can stop hoarding those tasty little sausages now.
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Sigmund Freud once wrote, “It is tragic when a man outlives his body.”
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No greater orator, his word where as soldiers.
Marching off to a distant battle, a freedom to deliver.
The voice as of cannon booms and great explosions.
Each report, resonating with precise damage.
The visions of war, still fresh upon the screen.
And the battle draws to a close with his final words.
And that’s the way it is.
By Shiny Rod (Copyright 2009)
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Please, I don’t want to start a political war, but I thought I’d intoduce this (and I’m assuming we’d play sort of nice):
Worst Failure Ever Attributed to Google Bombing Republicans
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1960096/worst_failure_ever_attributed_to_google_pg0.html?cat=15#comments
-to which I commented the following:
Wait, “unscrupulous Republican groups?”
When this happened to Bush a few years ago, everyone thought it was funny.
Now, it happens to your (press, general internet idiots) golden boy, it’s a travesty. Michael Moore and Nancy Pelosi are huddled together with a box of kleenex and quart of Ben and Jerry’s chocolate chip cookie dough, wringing their hands and wondering how this could have happened.
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Well – I have my tombstone up as of last week. You see my son was killed last year in a car accident and my brother died as well from a suicide attempt a month later. I ordered the things in March and you know it might have been better to have an idea of what you want before you are faced with having to actually do it. The man there was all afluster with terms like footers and headers and slants and there were books of carvings and fonts…..a head swimming exercise to break up your sanity.
I had to have a stone for my son’s grave as it just seemed too lonely and forlorn w/o one. But it was incredibly strange to see my name and dates on there as well.
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