Our upstairs bathroom adventure has taken an ugly turn. I don’t even want to get into it… But one thing always leads to another, doesn’t it? It never fails, right?
I’m 46 years old, and know this to be a fact. Yet I’m always shocked by it. Why is that? Hopeful estimating? Naivete? Standard douchery? I don’t know, and don’t really care at this point.
Will somebody please hold me?
I was having “lunch” (8 pm) at work a few days ago, and a woman mentioned that she and her husband already have their cemetery plots, and headstone. They bought them about five years ago, she said.
I thought that was a bit odd, since she’s only 40 or 45, and began asking many questions: the questions everyone else wanted to ask, but didn’t feel comfortable doing so.
Like: Is the headstone already in place at the boneyard?
And yes, it is. In fact, she and her husband spent considerable time designing their halves of the thing. She has a Bible and butterflies on her side, and he has a deer(?!) and birds on his. Weird, man.
Then I wanted to know if they leave flowers at the grave site, and she said they do. Ha!
I also found out the cemetery dude warned them not to put their last names on the stone, since they were so young, and divorce rates are so high. This pissed them off, so they had their last names listed in larger type than normal.
“How about the death dates? Did you list those, as well?” I wanted to know. Apparently they left that part blank, though, to be completed later. And these people call themselves prepared?
Do you think it’s strange, buying your own headstone while you’re still in your late 30s/early 40s? It’s never crossed my mind, not once. Of course I’m going the “burn ’em up” route, but still.
What do you think about it? Tell me in the comments, won’t you? Also, what kind of eternal clipart would you choose for your headstone? I think I’d go with the original smoking fish, and possibly the Nabisco logo. What about you?
Here’s how Harv played it.
And I was having another lunch a few days ago with the younger Secret, at a local diner. The place has been around for decades, and the walls are covered in all manner of framed photos, many autographed.
You know, something along these lines.
I never really paid attention before, but decided to give it a little extra scrutiny this time. And it’s a very strange mixture of things. There’s an amateurish oil painting of Bobby Kennedy (I think), a photograph of Kramer, various unknown old men in golf gear, a few renderings of Jesus (“Thanks for the support!”), an 8×10 of Cary Grant (I think), etc.
There’s no thread or theme, holding any of it together. It’s just stuff people liked, I guess, over the past forty years or so. Pretty cool.
In California there are signed celebrity photos in almost every place of business. Including, I shit you not, Taco Bell. In the location near my old job, in Burbank, there’s dozens and dozens of the things. Including, I believe, both of the Coreys – Haim and Feldman.
But my favorite celebrity diner photo of all time was spotted in Cooperstown, NY, down the street from the Baseball Hall of Fame. It was a promotional 8×10 of Fyvush Finkel, who played Harvey Lipschultz on Boston Legal. How great is that? Man, I loved Harvey Lipschultz…
Do you remember seeing any especially remarkable celebrity diner photos? If so, we need to hear about it.
And if you’ll excuse me now, I’m going to go back upstairs and cry softly into a couch cushion, as yet another section of shitter wall comes down…
I’ll see you guys on Monday.