Time Really Does Fly, and I’ll Probably Be Playing Canasta Soon
When I was a kid I frequently heard adults talking about how “time flies.” They’d say things like, “I can’t believe it’s February already!” Then, a few weeks later: “I can’t believe it’s March already!”
This always confused me, because minutes are minutes and hours are hours. Right? They don’t expand and contract, depending on the user. I suspected it was just people clapping their gums together, and engaging in some sort of confusing grown-up ritual of complete and utter bullshit.
But I now realize I was wrong…
How? Seriously, how could it be 2010? I got laid-off in 2007, and it seems like a year ago. I’ve been at my new job for more than two years already, but I still feel compelled to call it my new job. It’s terrifying.
Our kids were off from school for a couple of weeks over Christmas, etc., and I have no doubt it felt like three months to them. I remember how long a single day seemed when I was their age. A normal weekend stretched out for miles, and summer was a full-blown eternity.
I had a great time as a youngling, so it wasn’t because I was tortured, or anything like that. Everything just seems slowed way down when you’re a kid, and gets increasingly cranked-up the longer you stick around. I don’t really understand it, and also don’t care for it.
It’s colder than a well-digger’s brass titties (or whatever) right now. But by the time I get out of the shower in a few minutes it’ll be opening day of baseball season. And when I’m at work tonight Toney and I will be discussing this weekend’s Fourth of July deck feast.
It scares the gravy out of me, if you wanna know the truth.
I got a haircut on New Years Day, at Hags ‘n’ Fags, and my “barber” told me I’ll be having good luck in 2010, as a result. “A haircut on New Years Day will always bring you good luck in the coming year,” she informed me, just as serious as C-Span. So, at least I’ve got that going for me…
We did nothing on New Years Eve, as usual, except drink beer and watch TV. Toney and the boys were in bed by ten, and I watched a couple episodes of Dexter via the fancy new Netflix “Watch Instantly” feature. I didn’t even see the ball drop (heh), or monitor Dick Clark’s condition.
And speaking of Dick Clark… Brad sent this to me, and I’d like to say I’m deeply offended. But, of course, I’m not.
I was atop the platform on NYE, clear-cutting timber by 12:30, with Andy snoozing between my and Toney’s feet at the foot of the bed. Oh, it was a wild party-like atmosphere at the compound, as usual.
Did you do anything interesting? We need to know.
On Friday Toney was suffering from an advanced case of cabin fever, so we went running around for a little while. I wanted to go to Borders, to see if they’d marked-down the price on their calendars yet. And they had, but I still didn’t buy anything.
I have my eye on a really cool vintage DC Comics calendar, but I just couldn’t pull the trigger on it — even at 50% off. I need something for the bunker, but that decision is still pending.
Is your main calendar as big a production as it is for me? And for Toney too… She puts a lot of thought into it, as well. Or do you just tack up some crap your insurance agent sent you?
In the comments tell us about your 2010 calendar, if you’ve chosen. Me? I’ll probably wait too long, and miss out on the DC model I’ve been eyeing for a couple of weeks. Then I’ll have to settle for something “ironic” like Chickens, or a celebration of John Deere tractors.
Actually, if I could choose ANY calendar, it would be this one. But it’s impossible to find. Impossible, I say.
I have a lot of stuff I was planning to cover today, but I think I’m going to stop right here. I asked a couple of questionable Questions up there, so we’ll just go with ‘em.
A couple of quick things, before I go…
I overhauled the ABOUT page on Saturday. Check it out. It was long overdue, and I’m semi-pleased with it. I’d like to get your opinions, though. Does it sum up the Surf Report vibe? New readers use that page to try to get a handle on our little world here. How well does it work? And what else could I add to it? I might someday change that stoopid picture, to something more… traditional. But we’ll see how it goes.
And I know this will cause some of you to roll your eyes and say, “Yeah, right.” But I haven’t gotten around to changing the price on the Evil Twin shirts yet. I swear it’s true; I’m not playing games here. So, if you want one, buy it now. I’m going to raise the price to sixteen bucks momentarily. As soon as I build-up enough energy to swap out the PayPal code, that is.
Have a great day, my friends. I’m looking forward to another fun year with you guys!
See ya tomorrow.
Filed under: Daily
have I achived number 1 spot??? YAY
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First, bitches!
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Dammit, Madz! Way to steal my thunder!
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Fo-Fo-Fo.
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The first person who can come up with the person I was quoting above wins a prize.
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Top ten! Amazing!
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I am a fellow NYE lame ass. I did absolutely nothing except drink. Fantastic.
I already have a calendar, and yes it is the freebie from our insurance agent, thank you very much. But it does have cut ‘wil puppies and kitties…
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Top Ten
Time’s fun when you’re having flies.
Kermit the Frog
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hiya – tropical beaches for my office @ work calendar. still need to buy home calendars. up till this year, our friends from San Diego would send us an awesome San Diego themed calendar to tempt us to visit, but I guess they gave up, because no calendar this year. -snif snif -
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I was snoozin’ by 10:30 p.m. on 12/31/09. Awakened around 2:00 a.m. on 1/1/10 by fireworks (who the hell fires off fireworks for two straight hours on NYE?). After emptying my bladder of the evening’s processed beverages, went back to sleep and stayed there till about 10:00 a.m. Yep, I’m one exciting mofo.
My college sends me a calendar every year, in appreciation of my annual donation to the endowment fund. This month’s picture is one of the campus academic buildings (History and Philosophy department, I think), with a snow-covered foreground, including a snow-covered cannon (my college was near a Civil War site).
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Top ten
Time’s fun when you’re having flies – Kermit the Frog
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We had a new years? Damn… knew I missed something
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And regarding the time thing, my theory is that when you’re, say, ten years old, a year is one-tenth of your life, which is a long time. But when you’re 45, a year is only one-forty-fifth — 1/45th is much smaller than 1/10th. So when you’re ten, a year seems like a much longer time than a year feels when you’re 45. And it only gets worse.
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…and heard a good line I need to share…”dude, my check liver light just came on”
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Damn…. TOP 12… my New Year is off and running !
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Why has it escaped me all this time that you have a brother?
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fo fo fo Moses Malone circa 1983.
Nuttin special on NYE.
My nail fell out of the wall a few years back that I hang my calender on so I don’t hang a calender any more.
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Sorry, Mrs. Wally! To make it up to you, I’ll trade you my “Paralyzed Veteran’s presents Norman Rockwell” calendar for your happy pups and kits!
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WB in OH you are the winner. Of what, I’m not sure. But you are the winner.
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winner winner chicken dinner!!! But alas I’ll let you off the hook, I cheated and googled it.
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Soooooooooooo Jeff, what you are saying is you bait and switched me into buying my shirts the other day with the typcial infomercial tag of “BUT ONLY IF YOU ACT NOW!!!!!!!” I feel duped?!.
Well not really. Patiently awaiting delivery.
My wife asked what I bought on EBAY the other day because of the 24 dollar charge. I told her it was the new diamond ring I have been promising her.
“What I spent too much?” I asked. I am waiting for my company’s calendar to arrive shortly, I’ll send you one when we get them in..
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Weekends are only about 20 minutes these days!
Got a cool “Hot Bikes & Beautiful Girls” calander from Santa WOOHOO!
@Hotfuzz, great line!
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I had a 1999 calendar that I wanted to use again, but the fambly opted for a calendar made at Walgreen’s with a photo of us representing each month. Then I had to participate in the excrutiating task of selecting the twelve photos we had to choose for the calendar.
We went downtown on NYE and stuck it out until 11:00. My five year old, The AngryWhiteGirl wanted to be carried after that, so we packed it up and went home. I also had my last cigarette at 11:50 that night. Four days in, and I am capable of killing anyone that gets within three feet of me right now.
On IPOD right now- “”Something I Can Never Have”- Nine Inch Nails
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AWG – congratulations on kicking the habit. I have to do the same.
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For NYE I was installing a new window in the kitchen of the house we bought. Of course, the house was built in 1939 & the windows that were in it were original. So, what we hoped would be a cut-out of the frame, re-frame, weatherstripping & pop in the new window turned into 9 hours of hands through hair, raised voices and eventual frustrated tears that nothing was working right.
Then, at 10:30 we got the sumbitch in & promptly went to our “other” home (a.k.a my parents’ home 7 doors down where we are sleeping/showering during renovations) & conked out by 11:30. We didn’t get to ring in the New Year on World of Warcraft like we did last year. Yes, we are the ultimate nerds when our idea of a fun NYE involves logging into a video game and shooting off faux fireworks into a fairy-tale sky.
Now Playing on iPhone: “Big Pimpin’” by Jay-Z (ha!)
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AWG I quite the day my Grandson was born. 5 years ago yesterday. Hang in there it gets worse. Good Luck
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A ‘paper’ calendar? This is 2010, not 1910!
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As for calendars (I forgot it in earlier post…), well, we haven’t had time to think about it yet. Normally the railroad where my boyfriend work(s)(ed) sends him a free calendar with pictures of….you guessed it! Trains! It’s ‘Wet-The-Bed’ exciting.
Of course boyfriend was laid off from said railroad very early last year, so you just reminded me we did not get one for 2010. So now I have to add ‘get 2010 calendar in the year 2010′ on my shopping list. I should yell at my insurance agent for not sending us one. Hey, wait. My insurance agent is boyfriend’s dad! Easy yell to make!
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The 2009 calendar in my office was tropical beaches and the 2010 one, yet to be bought, will probably be similar. I like to dream.
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Thanks Madz and SOS. Basically, I just needed to do it for the physical fitness exam I have to take for the Sheriff’s Dept. in 2 1/2 weeks. Get this- In LESS than 6 minutes, 4 seconds-
Start with hands at ten and two on steering wheel. Remove seat belt. Open glove box. Get out key. Go to trunk. Open it, remove gun and flashlight. Run 220 yards. Immediately go into obstacle course with four hurdles, one wall eight pylons to run around and a 27 inch netting to crawl under. Immediately grab 150 pound human dummy and drag, not carry, it 100 feet, reverse back through obstacle course, run 220 yards. Fire gun six times with right hand, six with left. Put gun and flashlight back in trunk. Key back in glove box. Fasten seatbelt. Hands back at ten and two.
I am hoping my lungs recover enough as to not explode on that day.
On IPOD right now- “Life During Wartime”- Talking Heads
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AWG: Hang in there, dude. I wish my boyfriend would give it up too! But you can’t do it until you really want to. So your new name for the time bein’ is Angrier White Guy. You can use us for a whipping post until the urge passes.
Not much into calendars, really. The last one I had was of Pug puppies. It was for 2008, found in a closet 2009 when I moved. I usually just use my cell phone.
Went to friend’s house for NYE. About six couples. Nice really. Got home about 4AM. Found out everyone else either left at 8AM and the rest partied til 2PM. Holy shit!
I think I just saw the kid on Further Evidence at Wally World Saturday. I added it on my Walmart Game check list.
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Sometimes vendors send us calendars with generic wildlife paintings; they’re good enough to hang on a cubicle wall. At home, I prefer the beer distributor handouts but probably missed out on that one for this year. I’ll just use the garbage recycling calendar that the city sends out.
AngryWhiteGuy: Good luck; I’ve attempted to quit nicotine a couple times and it is enough to make you want to throttle complete strangers.
On the living room stereo: “Los Angeles” — X
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The Evil Twin went shopping online for our calendars – and that is, in fact, what I blogged about today.
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AWG: I have quit nicotine many, many times in the past 30 years. I’ve currently been off the stuff since September (four months and counting). I’ve been addicted to cigarettes, as well as “dip”, and nicotine gum too (yes, you can get just as addicted to nicotine gum as to tobacco, so quitting tobacco with the aid of a nicotine replacement is not really “quitting” — it’s just substituting one drug-delivery system for another [albeit, the replacement is a lot less damaging to your health]). So I can relate to what you’re going through.
You’ve probably tried quitting numerous times in the past, too, so what I’m about to say probably isn’t news to you. But it might provide you with some encouragement. The first two days are the worst, because you will be actively experiencing strong withdrawal symptoms. If you can get through two days without slipping, you’re on your way. After two days, for the next week or two the withdrawal symptoms will diminish each day. I’ve found that the active cravings (the ones directly resulting from withdrawal) only last about two weeks. So if you can last two weeks, you’ve pretty much got it kicked. But then, of course, even if you’re not experiencing actual withdrawal cravings after those two weeks, you’ll still experience cravings that result simply from “missing” the pleasurable aspects of tobacco. That never completely goes away, perhaps ever, so it’s just something you have to learn to get over.
Another “hump” usually occurs about six months after quitting, when you think you’re through with nicotine, but a craving suddenly just sneaks up on you, and you think you can just have one cigarette (or one dip or one Nicorette) and then have no more after that. Well, that’s the devil’s trap. ‘Cause once you have that “just one,” you’re on your way back to the full-blown addiction. Which is why I’m still working on quitting, and I won’t feel like I’m out of the woods until I’ve passed not just the six-month point, but the one-year point as well.
But like the AA’ers say, you gotta take it one day at a time. Don’t smoke today — that’s your goal. Tomorrow your goal will be “don’t smoke today.” Wednesday your goal will be “don’t smoke today.” And if you can do that for 365 days, you’ll make it through 2010 without that nasty addiction. Good luck.
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Time really does fly. Before you know it we’re all going to wake up dead. All of us. Dead. Before you know it. It’ll seem like about 10 minutes from now. In 10 minutes we’re all going to wake up. Dead.
My calender features extreme close-ups of vaginas. The pictures are so extremely close-up that you can’t even tell that they’re vaginas unless you’re already in the know. My wife asked me why January 2010 has a picture of a huge raw pork chop. Silly rabbit, that’s an extreme close-up of a labia. But I didn’t tell her that. I’ll have some explaining to do when we get to October because it’s a discernable clitorus and a bit of pubic hair. But that’s months away. So fuggit.
The about page is great.
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Jeff – I miss the whole ” being on the cusp” bit. Had it’s own kind of poetry. The new About needs some zing?? A touch of your warped word skill??
Just my humble opinion…
No calendar. I got laptop and iPhone. I still wear a watch which is weird.
In bed by 11pm on NYE
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…….
Yes, time indeed does fly. It seems with each passing year, shit plows into the back end of another with rapid consistency. When I was helping the missus put up the Christmas tree and haul down all the decorations from the attic, all I could continuously mutter to myself was: ” I just did this shit “.
My “calendar” in my head has been the same ever since I can remember. I envision it something like this:
Jan., Feb., March, Apr., May, June, July
Aug., Sept., Oct., Nov., Dec.
Don’t ask me why, but July turns the corner and August starts in the bottom left hand corner. Does that make any sense? Am I in need of a psychiatric intervention? Wait, don’t answer that.
Instead of 302 committal , I think all I really need is a vacation. Work has been sucking it from the ass in & I keep giving various people around me the stink eye, fantasizing about how I’d like to put my foot so far up their arse their breath smells like a Florsheim wing tip.
Just typing that made me feel a wee bit better. Thanks Surf Reporters…
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NYE I was in bed sick with a cold virus by 10:30pm. Good Times.
My 2010 NASA calendar has pictures of planets and galaxies and giant ferns on Mars, as well as a lot of images from orbiting and geostationary Earth observational platforms. Not bad at all for a work-related freebie. If I were a dermatologist, I suppose I would make more money, but I would have to settle for a freebie calendar featuring skin diseases. Life’s full of trade-offs like that.
I wonder what Jim Morrison did on NYE (?)
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We went to 3 parties on New Year’s Eve. The wife drove me around because she’s pregnant and couldn’t drink, and because by 10:00 I was starting to sound just like Dick Clark.
We made it all the way to the ball drop. I tried to convince her that good luck can be had by engaging in a filthy sexual act during the wee hours of New Year’s Day. But she didn’t buy it. I doubt I could have done anything without splints wrapped around my dick anyway. I was three sheets in the wind. What’s that mean anyway, “three sheets in the wind”?
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NYE – went to a friends house and watched ‘The Hangover’ – overrated in my opinion. Sneezed over and over the whole night – was worried that it might have been a reaction to her Pugs. Was home by 10 and have had a nasty cold ever since. Obviously wasn’t the Pugs.
Calendar – I usually get a daytimer or record things on my cell scheduler. A people of Walmart calendar (if one exists) on my fridge might be a good idea to deter any cravings I may get.
AWG – Good luck with your quitting – looking forward the even fiestier comments that this will bring to the New Year. That Sherrifs drill sounds like fun!!!
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I can’t believe I’ve been reading this damn blog for 3 years. That’s some quality work time spent!!
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A “sheet” is a rope, in sailor-lingo. So if three of the sheets on a sail are in the wind, then that means the sail is only connected by one sheet (this was in the days when sails were square, not triangular, so it was connected by four ropes, not three), and so the sail and three of the sheets (ropes) are just flapping around in the wind rather than powering the boat.
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i too do not have a calendar for my office yet. I keep shopping but i will probably get a Colts one….you know since they will be the 2010 SuperBowl champions.
NYE we went to the bar in a cab drank a few and wanted to call it a night called for a cab and waited and waited and waited to get to go home. There is an argument for drinking and driving.
I believe (am quite certain) that the Bible says that as the end of the world approaches God will shorten the days because He is merciful and things will become just too much to endure. I am paraphrasing of course but i believe that is why time seems to fly. Put that in your Furhter Evidence pipe and smoke it.
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Speaking of Dick Clark….Did anyone happen to catch the ball drop at Times Square on the boob-tube? They had the poor drooling guy count down the last 20 seconds. 15, 14, 13, 12, 10, 11, 10, uhhh 9, 8…” Good God. Pass the torch already… to fagboy Ryan Seacrest.
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My Calandars typically are sourced from the local automotive parts emporiums. My prefered one usually has a muscle car theme and a nice wire bound heavy paper with big squares to write in. I refuse to buy a calanander.
The about page needs more eggplant.
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NYE recap from comments the other day, for anyone who gives a flying rat’s ass….
bikerchick’s above comment made me remember what I had said.
Happy New Year Surf Reporters….
Chalk last night up in the “Old and Boring” column. Got home from work, cracked open a cuppa two tree beers, snacked on cheese & crackers, then promptly assumed supine position and went to sleep.
The youngest Secret woke me @ 11:58 pm to see if I wanted to watch the ball drop & see the fireworks Pittsburgh shoots off in their annual “First Night” celebration.
That lasted a good 3 minutes then I switched over to ABC to hear poor old Dick Clark slurring iz anudder yere here in Timezzkware in NooYorSee-ee an wishhnyoo ahl a HammyNyooYeere
Fuck Dick, it’s time dude. Let it go, man, just let it go.
One small bonus was right after switching of the scene in Times Square, I was flipping through the channels and happened upon the very beginning of “A Clockwork Orange”. I hadn’t watched that in a long time and what better way to usher in 2010 than with a little ultra violence with Alex and his Droogs…?
Time for another cup of coffee and catch up with what’s happening on the World Wide Webs. Hope everyone has a safe and sound 2010. This year HAS to be better than the last.
Peace.
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Yep…time flies. You can get USED 2010 calanders at Amazon. Not making that up. up…http://www.amazon.com/s/qid=1262639856/ref=a9_sc_1?ie=UTF8&search-alias=stripbooks&field-keywords=calendars%202010%20wall…WTF??
Got mine at the NAPA Auto Parts. Free and cool cars.
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JCIII: “That lasted a good 3 minutes then I switched over to ABC to hear poor old Dick Clark slurring iz anudder yere here in Timezzkware in NooYorSee-ee an wishhnyoo ahl a HammyNyooYeere”. LMFAO! That is some funny, unfortunately true, shit!
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My links never work…crap. Go there and look. “Island in the Sun”…new2010…$6.99. Same thing USED…$42.92. “Spirit of Place” new 2010…$12.42. Same thing USED…$58.41. WTF!??!
forgive me for another try at the link. http://www.amazon.com/s/qid=1262639862/ref=sr_kk_1?ie=UTF8&search-alias=stripbooks&field-keywords=calendars%202010%20wall%20calendars
If it didn’t work I’ll just say …CRAP now and be gone for now.
AWG…I quit Dec 1, 1991. Just said… “Fuck it. That’s fucking it!” Never looked back!
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Every year I order a handful of wildlife calendars from New Hampshire Fish and Game to give as Christmas gifts, but I always keep one for myself.
This year’s freebie calendar from the Chinese restaurant I frequent is extra ugly, buy I still put it up in the kitchen.
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I get the free wall size NCDOT calendars that tell me when the next pay day is, whoopie!!! But of course, I’m prone to pick up the 2010 puppy calendar now that it’s half price. Dammit, I like cute cuddly puppies.
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They keep referring to Dick Clark as “the world’s oldest teenager” but by Christ, at least teenagers can ennunciate (for the most part).
Please, ABC, stop dusting him off and dragging him out every December 31st. Watching him try to speak makes me embarrassed for the poor bastard.
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I always make a HUGE deal of whatever calendar I get for the year, and usually spend January 1st filling it with birthdays, anniversaries and whatever I already know I’m doing that month. As January turns to February, I use it less and less. By March 1 I might as well throw it away because I don’t use it the rest of the year. Just a few days ago, I threw away my mostly-unused calendar for 2009. Oh well.
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Jason – no Fuckable Cheese of the Month calendar?
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Regarding that “About Page.” I suggest cutting it by half, dropping the Gina story (Gina had a point) and avoiding declaring that we surf reporters laugh at ourselves most of all. That’s not true. We laugh at each other and especially third party strangers like Big Boy in the pic. Don’t lead people to believe this is a nice place. It can get rough. Ask Danny Maverick!
All right. I’ll shut up for the rest of the year now.
-Thanks for everything.
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Last year I used the parrot calendar my vet gives out. Haven’t got one yet, this year – think I’ll just use my cellphone, I’m trying to save money. (shit, that was painful to write)
I had 3 of my neighbors over for Champagne (Prosecco) and my husband was in bed, drunk, at 11. We three girls stayed up until 1 and blew threw 5 bottles of bubbly. You can imagine how UN-bubbly I was the next morning. Stayed on the couch and watched the LOCKED UP marathon on MSNBC.
Love the “About” page, Jeff. Who doesn’t like Funnelpants, really?
Happy Monday, Surfers!
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You can reuse calendars. Go here:
http://www.hevanet.com/kort/REUSE1.HTM
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Yvonne,
Cheese fucking hasn’t caught on well enough to justify a calander. Baffles the mind. I’m sure by 2012 we’ll have one. The close-up vagina calender goes downhill from October. October doesn’t take a lot of imagination but by the time you get to November and December it’s as if the photographer stepped back a few feet. Maybe his back was hurting from having to hunch over the previous 10 clams.
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“Something I can never have” by NIN> lovs it. NYE…I didn’t even make it to twelve, everyone else fell asleep earlier!! wth!!
And yes… time is too going faster. It took my forever to get to 21..and hot damn I am rolling towards 33. crap
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I have a Chick-Fil-A 2010 calender on my office wall. Yeah, I’m classy.
AWG – If you want to stop smoking you will. If you don’t you won’t. It’s really that simple. I quit ~8 years ago after smoking like a demon. Cold turkey, no fucking about with patches, pills or homeopathic wristbands. A piece of advice would be don’t drink with people who smoke for a while- that’s a killer.
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I was lying on the couch by 11:00 wondering how I was going to stay awake until midnight. My husband was on the phone with a friend and I hear him say the words that mean you BETTER be up at midnight:
“Duuuude, I got a cardboard box full of firecrackers strapped to 2 2x4s that I soaked in gasoline set up in the back yard”
Yup, wakes a girl right up! Somebody’s got to be up to dial 911 if necessary. His little display turned out pretty cool though!
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I agree – time really is flying by fast nowadays. It reminds me of that silly movie “Click”.
My only calendar is to hover the curser over the time at the lower right corner of the computer screen – double-click if I have to figure out what day will happen when. Maybe if I had a proper calendar I could acheive something – anything.
The about page made me feel warm and fuzzy – really.
Now watching and recommending: brit show “Peep Show” – hilarious and brilliant.
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I like the Gina story. And she DIDN’T have a point. Jeff had the point.
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I miss my Far Side calendar. If it’s not Far Side, no calendar for me. “Pull out Arlene, I think you hit an artery.” I’ll just refer to my atomic clock.
After reading your revised “About”, Jeff, it led me to the “Best Of”. I laughed all afternoon, and none of that shit was new to me. I’ve been a Surf Reporter for quite a while. I remember when 11 comments were a busy day. The “Gargoyle Letters” alone gave me a laugh I really, really needed. Not to mention the Jeff Kay quotes. Thanks again, from the bottom of my depressed, winter sucks, hillbilly heart.
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I’m trying to figure out Jason’s use of a pseudonym (T. Farty McAppleass). Back in the days of Haloscan, I too posted as two people — when I posted under one of the names, it was as myself, saying things that were genuine (the “real me”). And then I posted under the name of my “character,” in which I’d say things that were a bit more “outrageous.” Since Jeff moved to the new comments format a couple of years ago, though, Swami Bologna has become sort of a combination between my two former peronas — I say things both that are real and personal, as well as things that are a bit more outrageous than my true self would say in real life; and yet neither is as much to the extreme as they used to be when the personas were separated. I think the reason I no longer divide the two personas is pure laziness — I don’t feel like remembering which e-mail address goes with which user name (since we have to register these damn names in order to post, at least without awaiting an interminable “awaiting moderation”.) With Jason, though, I can’t figure out under what circumstances he posts as Jason, versus T. Farty McAppleass. I also can’t figure out why he makes no effort to conceal the fact that the two personas are the same person — he links to the picture of himself and his daughter under both personas. The truly baffling thing, though, is that he writes outrageous (and very funny) things under both names. I believe he wrote about the Christmas penis pictures, as well as today’s Vagina Calendar, under the Jason persona. The way I used to do it, I would’ve written about those subjects as Farty, if I were him. And I would’ve saved the more sober, serious comments for the “Jason” persona.
By the way, I think Jason/Farty is perhaps the most talented writer in the comments section — his comments are always literate, well-constructed, sometimes poetic (though in a prose style), and almost always very funny. (He spelled “clitoris” incorrectly today, but that’s very rare.) Makes me wonder if he’s a professional writer — he’s that good.
(I sorta miss the days of Haloscan, when we could say anything as anybody. Aunt Marlene, Billy Bob McCracken, the lady at the library with the pen, etc., etc., etc. But then again, there was a lot more meanness and nasty comments back then, when there was that added level of anonymity of not having to register an e-mail address. So I suppose there are tradeoffs — less chaotic creativity but more civility. I suppose in these days of terrorism and recession, we could all use a bit more civility in our lives.)
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Swami- calm down! Jeff asked for input, I gave my fair and balanced best. In fact, you proved me right. Sadly, the Gina story just doesn’t sell it.
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New Years Eve was spent at my brother’s house in Cleveland. Watched Night at the Museum, then switched to see some guy in a car jump about 2500 feet off a ramp in long beach onto a barge, then back to Night at the Museum. Started to watch a bootleg copy of Zombieland but everyone feel asleep. Seemed to be a good movie, though.
I buy my calendar online at ‘glance a day’ or someplace like that. Have it hanging on fridge. However, Dave in Sammamish just filled in a bunch of stuff in PEN, PEN I said, so may have to toss and get new one. I can’t be committed to dates in PEN. I even have a special calendar PENCIL that is supposed to be used!! Have a Dilbert a Day calendar for the office.
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On New Years Eve I was watching The Apartment on RetroPlex. It’s such a great movie that I lost track of time. When it came to the scene in the club where the band plays Auld Lang Syne and Fred Macmurray turns around and sees that Shirley McLaine isn’t there, and he starts yelling “Fran! Fran!” I looked at the clock and it was midnight. I wonder, did the RetroPlex guys plan that? Or is that just the way it crumbles? Cookie-wise.
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I have a calendar hanging in my kitchen from my credit union. It is a little plain looking, but I like it because the boxes for the days of the week are very large.
And while I haven’t wrote on it yet. I know will.
I have always been partial to a big box. I never really cared for tight things.
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I spent NYE watching three terrible movies with some of the original members of “Mystery Science Theater 3000,” in their current incarnation as “Cinematic Titantic.” It was a blast, and they even did the countdown to midnight for us before the final film. Joel Hodgson and the others still got it. I miss them terribly.
Haven’t picked up a new calendar yet. I’m currently using the freebie one from my local Chinese restaurant, but I don’t like it at all because it’s really just a giant scroll with all the months on same page. I need a place to write appointments and birthdays and such. Guess I’ll have to visit a bookstore soon before all the good calendars are gone.
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Wife found a $2.50 big ass calendar for the kitchen. Me I like the new fangled electronic ones. But I’d spring for a Dexter best-of murders calendar at Borders for 50%. I’m thinking the adult version only has 181 days in the year.
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Spent NYE showing my ex-wife’s son the nightlife of Nome, Alaska. First two places places were fun, third place was a downer because I ran into a former co-worker with a “bit” of an alcohol problem. It was a real downer seeing him in this state. Got home at 11:20, then went out and watched the annual fireworks with my wife, the two secrets, and the ex-son.
Calandars, it’s always the “Alaska Weather Calendar.” Great pictures of weather phenomena from around the state. I always buy about a dozen of them to send to friends all over the country.
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Thanks to all the well wishers. Day five just began and the douchebag I am supposed to work on a project with just came in 25 minutes late. I growled at him that I would fire him if it ever happens again. I really can’t fire him, but he thinks I have that authority.
On IPOD right now- “Bela Lugosi’s Dead”- Bauhaus
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well nye was fun. spending time with the new girl was great. the browns game was fun. i slept through the bengals game to wake up to find out they muffed it so bad they get a do over on home turf this week.
snow out the ass in cleveland. i’m back in okc and pissed that i have to go to work to support all the previously mentioned fun.
anyone in cleveland, i plan on being there quite a bit in the near future and plan on participating in the world beer tour at the winking lizard. i love drinking, i love drinking good beer with a concrete goal even more.
saturday night I had a breckenridge vanilla porter, a dogfishhead 60 minute ipa, and a stone ipa (forget the actual name something black).
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The “Holy crap in a Bundt pan..” blurb is what first attracted me to thewvsr. Call it nostalgia but I miss it.
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Swami Bologna,
Wow. Thanks. The name “T. Farty McAppleass” came about when Jeff said he’d like to name himself “LLL (something)” in a post about a year ago.. The “T” stands for “Tennessee” but “T. Farty McAppleass rolls off the tongue much better than “Tennessee Farty McAppleass.”
There’s only a few differences between Jason and T. Farty McAppleass. Jason earns a modest income selling real estate and is a sex addict. T. Farty McAppleass has a fruit-bat guano empire and is very wealthy. He’d rather sleep than fuck, most of the time, even though his wife is a young Swedish nymphomaniac. Farty has long suspected that Jason is sliding his wife the bone on the sly. Whenever Jason visits Farty he greets him with a handshake and calls him “buddy” (this drives Farty insane) then he greets Farty’s wife with an open-mouthed kiss and a grab of her bubble butt (this also drives Farty insane). And Jason once said to Farty, “Look buddy, I’m doing you a favor. You have to stretch that thing out once in a while so it doesn’t close up on you.” This was an obvious refrence to Farty’s wife’s Swedish snatch. Jason tried to pass off the idea that he was talking about Farty’s 1969 Camero SS. They both own one.
Farty got fed up after this little incident and decided to challenge Jason to a car race. The winner would get to shag the Swede while the loser filmed it. Jason left Farty behind at the starting line and never looked back. He finished a full 30 car lengths ahead of Farty. Turns out that the shag carpet Farty had installed in his Camero kept the cool foot shaped gas peddle from going all the way to the floor. But a bet is a bet.
When it came time to pay up Farty tried to ruin the mood by shitting himself and then yelling about it. But Jason wasn’t hearing it. Farty tried to ignore what was going on but his wife’s screams kept bringing him back to reality, “Jess! Jess! Jess!” Jason banged Farty’s wife pornstar style and then shot it all over her feet, right there on Farty’s back deck.
So there’s a bit of a rivalry between the two.
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Jason! You faggot! That was supposed to be confidential!
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Well you botched the film job so I thought the deal about keeping this between us was over.
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I was distraught! And I couldn’t sit in the lawn chair because I’d shit my pants. You didn’t have to mention that. And you didn’t have to mention what you did to her feet. Jesus Christ!
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Sorry buddy. I’ll make it up to you somehow.
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So that explains why Jason, and not T. Farty, posted about the penis Christmas cards and the vagina calender — ’cause it’s Jason that’s the sex addict. Makes perfect sense now. Thanks.
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