Tide Will Help You Hide the Truth of Your Secret Double Life!
A TV commercial is currently airing, for Tide laundry detergent, which makes me feel kinda… creepy. And I wonder if I’m the only one it affects this way?
It shows a woman in her forties (probably around my age), sitting in a living room reading, or nursing a wicked hangover, or whatever. A teenage girl enters, and says, “Mom, did you borrow my green shirt?” And the mother looks up from her copy of ‘Herpes Is Forever’ (I’m guessing), before a series of flashbacks is triggered.
In it, the woman is shown cavorting with two other hard-partying harlots, dancing and clubbing it up and engaging in much purposeful walking. And their confident strides say, “We’re here, we mean business, and we’ve been enjoying empty, drunken sex with strangers since Reagan’s first term, possibly Carter… who can possibly know at this point?”
The woman, of course, is wearing her daughter’s green shirt, and is finally shown slopping food all over it.
It’s a very quick shot: the last flashback scene. But it appears the women are walking through a darkened alley somewhere, probably having just finished up with their dates, and the girl’s mother is eating what might be a fistful of goulash. I don’t really understand that part of it. Perhaps she’s so intoxicated she doesn’t realize there is no bowl or utensils in use? And where did she get it, anyway? Where does a person buy loose goulash in the alleyway of a large city? It’s confusing. In any case, the woman dumps a great load of the stuff down the front of herself.
The flashback ends, and we’re back in the living room with the teenager, who has just asked her mother a question about the whereabouts of her green shirt. And she answers, “It’s not really my style, honey.” Which is very close to a lie… At best, it’s a politician’s answer that seems to mean something specific (that she hasn’t seen the shirt), but actually has a large amount of wiggle-room built into it.
The girl mumbles, “Weird. I can’t find it,” turns, and leaves. And the mother is shown racing up the stairs, and frantically pawing through a clothes hamper. She starts flinging dirty underwear onto the floor, and eventually locates the horribly stained garment, mashed and wrinkled near the bottom. Apparently she’d forgotten all about it — possibly about the entire evening — and it looked like the shirt might now be wet. Maybe she’d come home in a drunken stupor, on a subsequent evening, got confused and evacuated her bladder into the hamper? It’s an unknown.
Then she takes the shirt to the laundry room, and starts tending to the many stains she collected during her wild, wasted escapade downtown. Luckily, the shirt is green so it’s likely that the grass stains on the back aren’t all that obvious. And the new goulash-busting Tide detergent took care of the rest.
The final scene shows the daughter walking through the living room in the ugly green shirt, and the mother says, “Oh, I see you found it?” And the girl answers, “Yeah, I guess it was hiding in my closet!”
Oh, and if that poor child only knew the truth… it would destroy her. The deception, the sexual addiction, the discotheques, the endless parade of men who favor cologne and gold bracelets… It’s like an episode of Law & Order SVU boiled down to thirty seconds!
Or is it possible that I’m reading too much into a detergent commercial? You be the judge.
As for a Question, please use the comments section to tell us about other current commercials that are shocking and disgraceful. I saw one about Gushers the other day that was, well… I don’t even want to get into it. What horrible, horrible things have you seen depicted and insinuated in TV commercials? Tell us about it, won’t you?
Also, what other outrageous stuff is hinted-at in that Tide commercial? What did I miss? It’s up to us to keep society on the straight and narrow!
I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.
Have a great day!
Filed under: Daily
A clean first!
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Carla Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 1:50 pm
But is it Tide Clean?
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Still the worst is a commercial I saw on the big screen – it was a Charmin commercial, and the whole premise was something along the lines of “hey, our bathroom tissue now leaves less balled-up bits of paper in your ass after you wipe – we just wanted you to know.”
They ran a similar spot on TV for a while – not sure if it’s still running or not.
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SeeKar Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 1:52 pm
That’s the one I had in mind as well! Disgusting!
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Melissa Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 7:39 pm
Dingleberries!
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Kim Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 8:25 pm
The one where mama bear checks baby bear’s butt for toilet paper lint? Disturbing.
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m Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 9:22 pm
That whole commercial series disturbs me. I’m sure at some ad meeting some guy said, “Does a bear shit in the woods?” when replying in the affirmative, and, voila, the ad was born.
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tracy in ohio Reply:
October 5th, 2010 at 9:27 am
Charmin commercials gross me out. Like I want to think about bears shitting in the woods and leaving toilet paper all over their asses. I refuse to buy that brand of toilet paper all together. I wondered who thought that it would be cute or an effective means to advertise.
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The grossest commercials airing right now are the mucous monsters (the families of phlegm who keep having to pack their bags and move out of your lungs) and the dirty little demons who live under your toenails. Really?
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WVKay Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 11:57 pm
I hate the mucous family. It makes me nauseous every time. Especially their mucosy footprints. Bleech.
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Now that’s an update!
I don’t know if it is shocking or disgraceful, but it is totally stupid: Up here there is an ad for Lillydale turkey franks that involves 2 grills talking to each other about what their owners cook. The pretty stainless steel grill (female voice) only cooks lean turkey, while the big, fat, greasy grill (male voice) cooks nothing but fatty red meats. At the end the male grill says “Last night he tried to barbecue a yak!”
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It’s almost as bad as the murderous affair from stain lifter commercials.
“When you absolutely, 100%, no-shit gotta get lipstick stains off you collar and blood stains off your sleeves, shout pocket wipes will wash away your past. And in time to meet your interracial gender-neutral friends at your local Olive Garden, so that you can hand baskets of food to each other while shouting about how good the food is without actually eating any for the rest of the evening.
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Damn it…I was going to use “Acti-Lift’ for the name of this new dick lifter I invented. Guess I’ll have to stay with “Penis Pleasure Pump”. Gonna get the Sham-Wow guy for the infomercial now that Billy’s gone.
Oh..I’d do the Mom but that morning after shot is a deal breaker.
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Besides those horrible animal abuse ads we talked about here before, the other commercial that really steams my spinach is this Tide one. My blood boils during the club dancing scene. It’s obvious to me that the ugly mom wore her daughter’s green shirt during some awkward middle-aged housewife lesbian 3-way.
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The “Boniva” commercials are pretty disturbing. It’s one thing, one awful thing, to have commercials parading Old-Man-Chubbydick all about the damn place; but, Boniva is trying to drug gentle old women into getting hard, satisfying bones into their bodies.
The new Corona beer commercial is wrong on many levels. First of all it indicates that a studly young beach going man is incapable of catching a well thrown football, we can tell it was well thrown since it was thrown surely by another man since women should never be allowed to perform such manly ball handling tasks. Second, it displays a disgusting (read: hot) show of lesbianism. And finally, it attempts to force the Big Beer interracial-rape moral agenda onto homosexual couples by having large brown balls thrown all about the head region of two drunk spring breakers. Also, who the hell drinks Corona on purpose?
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The yogurt one with Jamie Lee Curtis. Or seeing The Fonz in an infomercial.
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Dave Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 2:55 pm
I personally give Jamie Lee props for being the only 52-year-old in Hollywood to stay natural with her hair color…that forgives her for advertising bowel-encouraging yogurt. Ooooh, but I’m SO with on the Fonz and the reverse mortgage scam!! (“If not now, when???”)
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I feel the same way about the Tide commercial. I told my wife, “Buy Tide because this mother is a whore and a liar.”
I used to hate seeing that commercial with the toenail fungus monster that would growl and crawl around. I haven’t seen it in a while but I thought it was mildly disturbing. “Raahhhhhhh! I’m in your toenails!”
Most commercials seem to make the men out to be idiotic asses. I’m not sure why they do that. There’s one where a guy is going to “power wash” the deck and he ends up blowing the fuck out of everything. The poor wife just rolls her eyes and takes a Tylenol (or whatever).
And I don’t like the drug commercials that don’t tell you what the drug is for. They just say, “Ask your doctor is Vintrilapile is right for you.” My doctor is getting sick of me calling him several times a day. “No Jason, that drug is to treat menopause. Please stop calling me.” What the fuck else am I supposed to do? God!
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I hate all penis related commercials from Viva Viagra, to Cialis to the His and Her KY commercials. Jesus do we really need to see this crap on TV? Its hard enough having kids without them asking what erectile disfunction is. Yuck, these commercials are directed at the very population of the country thats not watching the commercial because they are out golfing, riding horses on the beach or randomly having intimate moments with many different women at the local rest home!
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There is this one commercial that says “Drug X is believed to do some shit that makes you better.” Yeah well ham is believed to cure AIDS, that doesn’t mean that it does. How about make sure another dick doesn’t grow out of my dick before peddling this crap to me.
And when did yogurt companies decide that they didn’t need men to purchase their product. Apparently the only good yogurt is, is to make women shit like they are supposed to. I don’t need to see the Crypt Keeper telling me Activia will make my wife shit like a sick cow.
And that other yogurt commercial can bite my ass. The one were some Skinny “I make turds on a semi-regular basis” McJerk is rattling off a series of awesome dessert foods while her husband gazes retardedly into the fridge. For god sakes, does this poor gentleman have some sort of eye disease that keeps him from being able to see about 30 frickin’ yogurt tubs taking up all the space that should have beer in it? Maybe if he weren’t so malnourished. The only things in that fridge are lettuce and yogurt. If his wife would spend more time making healthy nutrient rich meals instead of worrying so much about producing good fecal-ropes for her shizer web site, perhaps her fool husband wouldn’t have Selective Sight Syndrome.
Man I could keep going. I’ll give everyone else a shot first. I’ll be back later, unlike anyone who passes on in this life to go to the great big white insurance warehouse that is the Progressive store in the sky.
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bikerchick Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 2:28 pm
Ice: Please…keep going..you are on a roll! Let me catch my breath first. Too funny!
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Dave Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 2:57 pm
+1 what Bikerchick said….I’m glad I’m reading this in my home office and not in an office with other people…I’m dyin’ laughing here!
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madz1962 Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 3:26 pm
I was going to comment on both yogurt commercials, to. The one with Jamie Lee Curtis and that asshat with that yap full of yogurt “This us really good” – I want to hunt that fucker down and dick punch him until my arm is a bloody pulp. And the “BABE?” yogurt bitch is another one I’d like to do a goddamn polka across her face.
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The lobotomization of men in commercials has been going on for about a decade, maybe more.
I think they all go back to revenge for the mid-80s to early 90′s commercial for some manly (read:mechanical) product that ended with a woman staring vacantly at the screen, smiling, and saying “and I can’t even change a light bulb!” Can’t say I can fault the backlash. Made me wince every time.
In the early 1970′s there was a very weird commercial, probably for a feminine hygiene product, where a woman in a long, sheer, pink nightgown was jumping up and down in slow motion on a trampoline. What was bizarre about it is that there was a very clear triangular shadow of pubic hair visible every time she went up. I was probably 13 or 14 at the time so you can imagine the turmoil that one ad caused.
Scarred for life. Does anyone else remember this ad, or was I just seeing pubic hair everywhere in those days? Quite possible given the age I was.
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The one for the toenail fungus cure is the worst! Every time the little fungus monster would lift that guy’s toenail like he’s checking the oil in his car, it gave me the deuce chills!
That goulash-hammering strumpet didn’t just get a spot or a little sauce dribble on that shirt, but a full-on fist-sized grease stain! How do you even DO that without trying?!?!?!
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And I thought I watched too much TV because I see the DirecTV ad and I jump in it. I love that little giraffe.
Only thing I remembered for sure about the Tide ad was some woman holding up her daughter’s green shirt with a godawful stain on it and thinking that doesn’t look like the same woman that was dancing, is this a Windows 7 commercial?
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Orville Redenbacher is dead. OK…HE’S FUCKING DEAD!!!
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Carla Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 2:24 pm
Poor Orville.
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dto Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
I wasn’t done…I don’t need some fucking hologram or whatever that is of a dead guy selling me popcorn. Is this some kind of cult thing of Redenbacher freaks who can’t let go of their popcorn guru? Jesus Christ…the Mr. Clean guy died but you don’t see him showing up. Isn’t there some sort of by-law in the screen actors guild about hiring dead guys? There has to be.
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Melissa Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 2:46 pm
The other day I was visiting the ‘rents when a commercial came on and Billy Mays came screaming from the dead trying to sell me some auto paintf-fixer piece of shit. The man is as dead as MJ but still hawkin’ crap. Go figure!
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madz1962 Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
I am crying here! This is hilarious. DEAD. FUCKING DEAD. (I have to go wipe my eyes now).
*Note to self: Do NOT rad Jeff Kay at work.
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The further evidence has a monkey eating grapes out of a bucket at the 30 second mark.
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dto Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Further Evidence reminds me of me after our all night chle roast and power eating contest last year at harvest time.
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dto Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 2:41 pm
chile…fucking edit button
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bikerchick Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
dto: My avitar wants to do your avitar..
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dto Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 7:49 pm
Nice..my avitar is getting some action.My life really is pathetic.Altough I must say…you have a fantastic avitar
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bikerchick Reply:
October 5th, 2010 at 8:43 am
dto: Thank you. Yours is pretty nice as well. The big feet sucked me in…and you know what they say when an avitar has BIG feet…
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I hate the Vlasic commercials where the fucking bird is sitting next to a little girl and she bites into a pickle with an absurdly loud crunch. “Kid can’t help it, it’s a Vlasic.” Fuck off.
There’s one where these soap bubble scrubber guys characters are cleaning the tub and when a woman comes in to take a shower they’re all sitting there like they just smelled an erection. Anyone else seen that?
And all the commercials where those fags are sipping on MGD 64 beer except for one guy who is drinking some other shitty light beer while on a treadmill or exercise bike or whatever can suck a cock.
And good cheese comes from California commercials are bullshit. Talking cows.
I think it’s an Allstate commercial where some guy dresses up like a chick and pretends to distract a driver while he prances down the street. Fuck him.
And those motherfucking infomercials where that overweight redheaded lady sells waffel irons as amazing cooking devices. She has a goofy ass idiot follow behing her and sample the “amazing” food. It’s a goddamn tortillia with spaghetti sauce and a chicken finger in it, not the cure to cancer. Jesus Christ. Most of the infomercials want to throw in a free whatever if you just pay seperate shipping and handling. The only thing is that the fucking shipping cost is about $8. So your $19.95 just turned into almost $36. And who in the fuck needs two (whatevers) anyway?
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wordnerd Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 2:59 pm
I was doing fine – relatively – until I got to this one. Then I spewed diet coke everywhere.
On a side note – the Viagra/Cialis-type commercials that tell you to see your doctor if you experience an erection lasting more than four hours? First time my son heard that, he said, “uh, yeah, like ninth grade?”
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The worst commercial I have seen lately (don’t have cable, so I don’t really see much lately!) is a Trojan commercial where two chicks are mulling over a magazine in some fancy waiting room (divorce lawyer, perhaps) talking about bad sex when some old biddy who was eavesdropping behind them decides to pass a tip along about a finger-tip vibrator.
After my seizure ended I couldn’t stop picturing that old lady who gives anal sex advice on the Oxygen channel that continually grosses me out.
And by the way, I’m pretty sure the book the mom in the Tide commercial was reading was ‘Joy of Herpes’ not ‘Herpes is Forever’.
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 4:26 pm
yeh i think that was a Bond film.
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Here’s one I’m sure we can all agree on. The jewelry commercial where the bitches say, “He went to Jared!” over and over. They could be giving away lesbians and diamond rings over at Jared’s and I still wouldn’t go. That’s how bad I hate their commercials.
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Seanette Reply:
October 5th, 2010 at 7:13 am
Is that the one where the gold-digger is texting her friends about all the expensive stuff her date’s trying to buy sex with her with, DURING the date, and it ends with the equally for-sale-to-highest-bidder friends asking if the date has brothers? UGH!!!!! Aside from wondering what kind of self-centered bimbo ignores the guy she’s actually sitting next to to keep texting her friends, every woman in that commercial comes off as a would-be prostitute (“Sure! Throw material things at me and I’ll sleep with you. Don’t care what kind of human being you are, just spend money and you can buy me.”), and the guy must have zero self-respect to put up with being totally ignored by his “date” except when she’s bragging to her buddies about how big a spender he is.
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I don’t know if it still airs but there used to be a commercial about some adult diaper that showed a woman stuck in traffic squirming like a bear in heat needing to pee. Along comes a dream sequence where a Port-O-Potty drops from the sky with an announcer saying something like ‘Your dreams can’t come true all the time’. In the next scene the woman is squirming again in traffic, only to stop & suddenly produce a warm smile. BECAUSE SHE PISSED HERSELF.
Perhaps we Surf Reporters should pick a random item & produce our own ridiculous commercial? The results would be either terrifying or insanely funny. My vote would be ‘stool softeners’. What could we….umm….produce…with that item?
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dto Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 3:03 pm
Gotta get Bill Cosby for that. We could re-use the shot of him holding that cup of chocolate pudding. (sorry about that if anybody was planning on pudding tonight…she asked)
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Shiny Rod Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 3:06 pm
Think they had a good commercial opportunity last night on Undercover Boss. He he! Stool softeners!!!
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The Prozac commercial is another dumb one. It’s the one where there are two big circles across the screen from each other with little circles floating back and forth between them. Below that mental 4 year–olds animation is the disclaimer of “Simulation”. Well no shit. My brain isn’t full of pong playing squiggle art. Then they go on to explain that it is “thought” that Prozac makes receptor “A” send more good chemicals to receptor “B”. What a load of yogurt.
I don’t know if it is a local commercial or what. But there is a one that stars two cape wearing retards promising to set up the hotel arrangements for your important event. Some chick, while wearing her full on wedding dress, is sitting their wondering how she is going to have time to set everything up for her wedding guests when these two underwear-on-the-outside jack-bags show up from the left of the screen shot. While in their purple unitards they tell her that they can solve all her hotel problems. All she has to do is, give them the payment information, the number of guests, and the location. It is almost exactly like making a damn hotel reservation. Maybe if she wouldn’t walk around in full ball gown regalia all the damn time she could get some oxygen to her brain and not fall for this dumb-shit.
Oh, her wedding dress is white. Yeah, I call bullshit on that.
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One of the commericals, I think for hotdogs/sausage or some shit, that irks the living hell out of me is the one where people are cooking or at the grill and they do a cheerleader chant “GO MEAT!”. I got your meat, jingleballs.
The political ads are getting out of hand too. Enough already. You’re all crooked. We all know it. So save it.
Also, the Proactive Acne commercials are a load of crap too. I work in skin care. I’m not saying it doesn’t work, but don’t show a bunch of affluent teenagers with 3 little zits they claim as “acne”. You really want to sell this shit? Show some poor zitster kid with a face like an oily pepperoni pizza before use. Then show them about 6 weeks after use. Betcha they’ll still want to bury their heads in the sand.
The commercials for our local news broadcasts are ridiculous too. Everything is “breaking news” now. I remember when I was growing up and there was “breaking news’ we thought Russia pressed the red button. Now breaking news means someone has a flat tire on the parkway.
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dto Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 4:41 pm
Nancy Grace…”Breaking News and Bombshells”= bullshit. Yeah…I watched it for a while maybe just to see if her hair would ever move I guess. I’m ashamed to admit I watched that crap.
and oh..my avitar plays a little hard to get but can be had. He’s just drawn that way.
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I had a complaint about this commercial as a wee lad:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofaCGy-wVV0
As usual, I was laying on my stomach right in front of the TV when this commercial came on After some attempted adjustments to the front of my camp shorts, I rolled over, & was pitching the mightiest of pre-adolescent tents. I then asked my Mom:
“Mom…how come whenever this commercial comes on, it makes my peepee get tight??”
I never heard the end of that one…
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Dave Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 3:09 pm
Of course the irony of that one is what the word “cougar” has now come to mean…
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Shiny Rod Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 3:19 pm
Must have been all those Heidi Klum commercials!!! LOL
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3 Moms, 1 cup.
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Mark me down for commercials on daytime TV (my usual background noise during the day here in the home office) on EVERY SINGLE CHANNEL, cable or broadcast, for debt reduction scams, structured settlement loans, and legal services for accident claims and disease settlements. Geez.
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chill Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 9:31 pm
I see a lot of daytime TV in the course of my work (long story), and I’ve always wondered “who do they think is watching?” The advertisers seem to be ambulance-chaser lawyers, trade schools, The Rascal, and the aforementioned mysterious prescription drugs. And the lawyer category seems to always include some very specific disease for which one can sue, which changes about every year. Right now it appears to be mesothelioma.
.
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I was going to mention the series of commercials for some bank or other financial related BS, where the smarmy guy asked a little girl if she wanted a pony and gives her a little toy pony, while the other little girl gets a real one. There’s one where one boy gets a nice toy truck and the other one gets a drawing of a truck. You get the idea. Either those little kids are the best actors ever, or those people should be shot for screwing with her heads like that. That little girl that gets the toy pony, gives that guy one of the best “fuck you” looks I’ve ever seen. Then, I read lakrfools comment, and mine just seems lame.
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Dave Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 3:19 pm
The smarmy bank guy also turns up on a current commercial for Lowe’s…he plays the husband whose paint can’t cover up the striped wall. Every time I see that, all I think of is “That fucker deprived that little girl of a pony and that little boy his well-deserved ice cream!”.
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WVKay Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 3:24 pm
Haha. I think the same thing!
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Side note…hey Jeff…seems as if everyone has tried the kool-aid and is using the Reply feature. Well played. And honestly…I don’t think an edit button would stop my fuck ups.
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I don’t really care for the commercial with the white girl with the black-girl-trying-to-sound-white voice on the Education Connection commercials. They say straight up that anyone calling them is an idiot. “I finished high school, but didn’t do great.” That’s a good selling point. There target audience must be sitting there thinking, “You know, I sucked in high school, the only reason I made it out was because I quit to go to the welding school I ended up dropping out of. Let me call this chick spinning french fries around on a service tray, and spending all day in her ex boyfriends pajama pants, she looks like she has life figured out.”
I second the shitty local news commercials. “Coming up after the ballgame, inmates break free from the local home for the criminally insane, find out if your family is in danger right now, at 10.” “Also, was this your child’s charred mangled body found in an old abandoned shed at the McGregor farm.”
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Lori in Cbus Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 11:03 pm
I’m with ya Ice, I have to mute the tv every time that stupid bitch starts lip synching about how she can now get a college degree in waitressing..
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Lori in Cbus Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 11:07 pm
OH and I also think that when she says she can make more money with a degree,, um, hello, you will still be waitressing after you graduate dumbass..
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I had practically the same story scenario go through my head with that tide commercial.
The yop commercials get under my skin.
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Hey, anyone else ever notice that this chick is in EVERY SINGLE COMMERCIAL being aired right now?
http://www.google.com/search?q=erica+shaffer
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Melissa Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 5:05 pm
Ugh, I’ve been saying that for like three years. She’s been on car insurance commercials, home appliance commercials, Antibacterial wipes commercials, infomercials, vaccuum commercials…..the list keeps going. Now I can’t stand her because she drives me nuts playing mom, or smarter wife than stupid husband in EVERY ad you can imagine!
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Dave Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 5:13 pm
She made her commercial debut a few years back on a KY Warming Lube commercial.
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There’s a vag plug commercial out there somewhere with a bunch of red dots on everything. It seems as though these women have such intense periods that they uncontrollably spray chunks of ground crotch beef and wasted baby blood forth like a blood canon from Army of Darkness. The closest thing I’ve ever seen to this was a dog that wasn’t spayed, and her owners just put sheets on all the furniture. Before this commercial I had no idea that a woman’s lunar cycle could be weaponized. What are these women doing walking around in menstrual blood soaked scarves and boots for anyway, if it’s that bad just sit in a ditch somewhere until you mercifully bleed out and die; cause I don’t think anything short of an entire tube of industrial strength liquid nails caulking will slow the deluge of dead flesh spewing forth from these strangely comfortable looking women; much less a twisted cotton ball with a silky smooth orgasmatron applicator tube.
Jesus Christ there aren’t any commercials for products about the unwanted boners guys get in airplanes, jittery car rides, and board meetings while sitting across from the butter-face with enormous honkers. We all know this happens and those afflicted just bend it up under their nuts and get on with life. I don’t need to see 15 different styles of pussy plugs every damn day.
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madz1962 Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 4:38 pm
I’m dying here! I swear, my office mates are moving their chairs away.
Men, is there really a thing as an unwanted boner?
“butter face with enormous honkers” LMAO.
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The old Restasis commercials used to bu me because that lady doctor has a voice that sounds like it’s been sucking down sand bags and she has a forehead you could watch “Lawrence of Arabia” on.
And I want to put that tax scamming Ronnie DOYCH under a firing squad.
Someone stop my suffering with those “Depression hurts” commercials. There is one where a lady has incredibly greasy hair. Depression may hurt, but by gum, Prell can make a difference.
And why do women have to have an prgasm with every bite they put in their mouths? From chocolate, to yogurt to bread, it’s gotten to be the Director’s Choice: “Now look up, roll your eyes and smile… smile… moan… and CUT”.
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icecycle66 Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 4:00 pm
Same goes with shampoo. If fruit based shampoo could bring a woman to the pinnicle of exctasy, more people would be fucking grapefuirt and carrots.
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madz1962 Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 4:35 pm
See? If that depressed lady used the fruity shampoo, she might feel better!
(I’m not poking fun at depression – it runs rampant in my family.)
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 8:06 pm
Not much a screaming wild-ass orgasm can’t fix.
At this time.
Just sayin’
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This has got to be the worst:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CtZKL74LgMg
I saw this while watching TV. Funny, but holly smokes what are they thinking. LOL
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WB in OH Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
I would let Jaime Pressly clean my balls.
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Jenny Piccalo Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 11:15 pm
That is the best commercial ever ! Do they really show that on T.V. ? They should have Earl and Randy on there too. OMG that is too funny !
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JFC Reply:
October 5th, 2010 at 8:12 am
Late night TV, but yeah it made it.
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There is a commercial for stomach acid (GERD) treatment that shows only the mouths of patients talking about gas, belching up stomach juices and the like, then they all smile about this new medicine…called “Aciphex.”
I don’t know what braintrust thought up the name of this stuff but it clearly does not sound like what you should take for upset stomach!
It sounds more like an Alli “treatment effect”, a macaroni and beef incident, or a trip to White Castle…or something! Nasty commercial, but the name of the medicine is hilarious!
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Gretchen Reply:
October 5th, 2010 at 10:11 am
I’ve been on Aciphex for years, actually (but no Alli “treatment effects, thank gawd). Gross sounding commercial though.
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I’ll be that isn’t what the Tide people had in mind when producing that commercial, but that’s exactly how it came across to me, too.
That poor girl. Her Mom is a whore.
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Jenny Piccalo Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 11:19 pm
I’m not bothered by it. It’s not clever or anything. Just another stupid commercial . The thing that disturbs me the most about this commercial is that fucking green assed ugly shirt. It looks like shit on both of them. I really don’t think a girl that young would wear that crappy shirt.
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There was a Honda Civic commercial that was on 2 or 3 months ago that had a family on that passed the Civic on down the line from father to oldest sibling, to nex oldest sibling, etc. It was passed down something like 4 times, yet the father looked no older than mid 40′s. Something just didn’t feel right about that family.
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Casey J Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 4:51 pm
I know right?? and the oldest car is like a 2001 camry and I was like wtf?? You would think with all the generations the cars would be a few more years apart. men aren’t men unless they buy trucks or suv’s, I am not into sedan men. no offense sedan men.
you guys probably have jobs….
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chill Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
Why would anybody drive a truck if they had a choice?
.
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Malcolm Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
I think it was a Camry commercial, not Honda.
And the hand-me-downs were all done in about 15 years, so its possible, I guess.
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The hoveround spot showing the two people at the Statue of Liberty or the Grand Canyon. Just once, I’d like to hear one of the Hoverounders at the Grand Canyon say, “Hold my beer, and watch this…”, as she disappears over the edge. Also, the CGI animation of the world where people are made entirely out of plumbing parts, even the dog. I think it’s for some digestive product. It’s so distracting I’ve never caught what product it’s pushing.
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 4:40 pm
It’s for women that pee themselves.
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Casey J Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 4:53 pm
I have also wondered what was wrong with real people…I get the “plumbing” angle, but a little creepy nonetheless.
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And the hoveround ad where the announcer says, “This woman used to suffer from limited mobility.” Well, dammit, she’s in a wheelchair. She STILL suffers from limited mobility. She’s not out jogging, is she?
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 4:41 pm
That’s very funny.
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icecycle66 Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 5:28 pm
Indeed, it is.
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>It seems as though these women have such intense periods that they uncontrollably spray chunks of ground crotch beef and wasted baby blood forth like a blood canon from Army of Darkness.<
Savage.
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Lori in Cbus Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 11:16 pm
I use to be one of those woman.. but i got surgery so now im all fixed.. Ice brought back bad memories..but hey, now i can fuck all i want.. whoops did i write that out loud..
I’ll go sit in a corner now
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Jenny Piccalo Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 11:23 pm
“now I can fuck all I want”
That made me chuckle out loud.
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I like the ones for the life alert or whatever, showing some poor old soul(who I hope the compensate for that crap) lying all prostrate and retarded on the floor. “Life alert saved my life!!” hahahaa. i just die.
The general insurance one kills me, the girl is online looking for insurance but she has a baseball glove in one hand…hmmm.. did they not catch that??
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Casey J Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 4:52 pm
they compensate
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dto Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
And they’re picthers and not catchers!
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Dave Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 5:16 pm
I love how every commercial pitched to old farts is so condescending that they have to DEMONSTRATE the toll-free phone call! Like just ’cause you’re old you don’t know how to place a fucking phone call without being SHOWN “how easy it is”????
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pitchers…(never mind)
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I just looked up the commercial with that filthy whore of a Tide mother:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzeZB6wPmHg
They don’t show the massive Rorschach jizz stain on the lower back of the shirt from when she went to the Puerto Rican discotheque, pulled down her leather pants in a corner booth, got on all fours & howled the “Wooo Wooo!!!” train whistle.
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zoe "Body-shaped tarp wrapped in twine" Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 6:14 pm
When daughter asks about the shirt, note the stupefied look whore mom gets as she struggles to recall the events of that terrible, painful sexy night. The bartender at the Puerto Rican discoteque must have slipped her some mickeys. Man, I will never watch the ad the same way again.
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I like the commercials showing exaggerated badness of the products we currently use. There is some picture hanger wire commercial showing someone putting an entire hammer through the sheetrock because they used a conventional nail. Another is the hamburger griller shaper thing showing a conventional frying pan with an inedible charred black mass of what used to be hamburger. Or the cheap brittle taco shell that shatters completely on the first bite.
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Jason Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Right. I made my comment about that below before I read what you wrote.
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Gretchen Reply:
October 5th, 2010 at 10:26 am
Someone on YouTube made a mashup of a lot of those product fails and set it to the Beatles’ “Help!” Pretty funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08xQLGWTSag
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Do women really have such horrible waste disposal facilities?
The commercials make is seem like a woman couldn’t shit to save the life of her favorite plug-in air freshiner, but Eve caused the flood because she couldn’t help but to pee non-stop for 40 days and 40 nights without the help of a diaper fashioned from straw.
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I love how all infomercial type deals show the “old way” of doing it. Let’s say they’re selling a pasta cooker. They’ll show a lady doing it the old fashioned way and she falls down at the stove and drags a pot of boiling water onto her face. It’s absurd.
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I hate, absolutely HATE every commercial Old Navy has put out. Those creepy mannequin ones are the worst!
The hover-round commercials are awful too. We all crack up at the old lady doing donuts at Mt. Rushmore. Weeeeeee!
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Any commercial (usually personal injury attorneys) where they repeat their phone number a dozen times in a row does it for me. Our Number 867-5309, That’s 867-5309. Call Now 867-5309, Operators are Standing By. Any time day or night that’s 867-5309. Call 867-5309 ToDay!
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I’m embarassed for the people in that tide commercial. Once in awhile there is one that I hate so badly that I turn the channel. First one that comes to mind was on the radio for an electronics co. with alot of snoring.
When I wasn’t working for a bit, I’d have the tube on and there was a commercial that totally freaked me out – why are there adults in this???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DacxAfN_T-Y
I just looked it up on youtube, and saw a post ‘So you think you can potty dance’ too funny
I mostly only remember commercials I like, Ikea on the radio and a&w come to mind.
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The new Wendy’s commercial with the two women ganging up on some poor dude with “Pookie Bear” on his cell phone is crap. I want to shove that salad up the stuffy red headed bitches ass so far she could grow tomatoes up near her eye lashes. What’s with this stuck up chili chompin’ chode ho. She says, “I have two things. What do you have? One thing?”. If I was that dude I would’ve said “I got a cock in this box for you bitch.” Or “I got your one thing, in my pants.” I mean, who the hell do these chicks think they are, you’re eating fast food salad and day old hamburger patties in tomato sauce for goodness sakes. Get over your yuppie Wendy’s loving self and go collate some forms or some shit.
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icecycle66 Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 9:28 pm
I forgot to fix my name on this computer from my bender the other night.
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The iRenew bracelet commercial is the worst. But, I don’t feel sorry for anyone that falls for this bullshit scam.
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How about that commercial for some godawful minivan that starts with some kid at school and we hear the voice of another kid saying ” Hey Parker, Wanna race ? Bet I can beat you home !”
The kid runs home & throws himself into the minivan hatchback. The self-closing back door and back-up camera are shown off as selling points, but I can never get past the point that the commercial was obviously originally written about the first kid getting CHASED home. The re-dubbing and editing are ridiculous ! The only thing more ridiculous is the idea that some ad agency sold the concept that a kid being chased home by bullies is a good thing to base a car commercial around.
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So…I’m just going to send off all the spare gold trinkets I have lying around here to some place in Lotsaluck, Wisconsin. I’m sure everything will be just fine. Maybe I’ll include my bank card and PIN number too and that way they can deposit my money directly into my account.
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These are the best comments ever! I happened to be eating a bowl of pudding when I read the post about the stool softener…
the shit was good (so to speak)
Bikerchick, Pudding almost came out of my nose when you said Jingleballs! hahahaha
got dammit i love this site..
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It’s Andy Griffith’s Medicare plug.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAAwXhBhU4Q
It’s painful to see Andy so decrepit.
BTW, R.I.P. Don Knotts. (I couldn’t help it; Don Knotts was amazing.)
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WVKay Reply:
October 4th, 2010 at 11:54 pm
Eve, I was thinking about that one as well. He doesn’t sound like himself, does he? Poor Andy.
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Axe Ball Cleaner.
Yes. This was actually seen on TV
(my husband confirmed while I gasped!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bevJr3Ra84Q
TY Jeff. Nice post.
That commercial bugged the crap outta me because most of us wives/mothers do not have this type of secret life.
Total stretch of the imagination.
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I’m just wondering after reading this thread and thinking about commercials I’ve endured (there’s a reason I *love* DVR. It’s called a fast-forward button): are commercials generally written by really dumb twelve-year-olds or do ad people think that’s their target audience?
I gave up listening to radio in large part because commercials annoy me so much and DVR TV shows so I can skip the ads (also saves me anywhere up to 25% of the show’s alleged running time).
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This pretentious piece of shit which just confirms to the common man that all environmentalists are all smug assholes. Thanks, Nissan.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNeEVkhTutY
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The Olive Garden commercials make me crazy. Watch just one and you’ll know why. HATE THEM!!
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How about the Skittles commercial where the old man is getting milked. I have no words for the horror I felt after watching that one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LG0zDltjL_o
In contrast, I find the “Hit me again, TUBESOCK!” (Skittles again) one very funny.
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Garrett - g1g3m Reply:
October 5th, 2010 at 4:33 pm
The Starburst “Berries and Cream” thing had me doing shivers as well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYX_zhlTDr8
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Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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There’s some commercial where a tomato or something slams through a burger and mayo goes everywhere. Blech.
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There is a disturbing trend that I’ve noticed lately. Commercials slipped into the script of the show. I’ve seen them on Bones where Angela is explaining to another character about how convenient it is for her to carry her art in her minivan. She goes on to extol more features of the car and mentions the name Toyota. I just felt kind of cheated. Maybe it’s because of the DVR. You can’t fast forward a commercial that’s stuck right into the show.
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Re: Olive Garden.
My parents are coming to visit me in college so we’re going to Olive Garden but my whore roommate is going to invite herself along since she thinks she’s part of the family since she blew my little brother during sibs weekend.
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Or these “I have a structured settlement and I need cash now!” commercials. Basically you are too stupid to budget for the money that you know you will get because you slipped on some cum at wal-mart and need a lump sum payment for the waverunner trailer you saw on craigslist.
Or, I need a lump sum for the SS checks I stole from the lady down the street. Once I finish my woman suit I’ll be rich.
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