This Website Didn’t Exist For Two Days

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

So, the Surf Report got kicked out of Google, if you can believe it.

On Tuesday there were a few comments from readers who said they could no longer find the site using the Google search engine, and I thought: What now? What in the hand-rolled hell is going on now?? So I checked it, and they were right. We no longer existed, according to our Mountain View overlords.

But why? What had I done? I know Google sometimes punishes sites for various infractions, but complete removal from the index is serious business. That’s not just a punishment, that’s… excommunication. Like Amish shunning, or something.

I logged into Webmaster Tools, a service for site owners, and there was a note there from Google. It said The West Virginia Surf Report had been identified as a spam site(!). They provided some confusing evidence of this, and said they were immediately removing TheWVSR from their index.

And that’s when the top of my head exploded.

What did they mean a spam site?! How could that be? I’ve been doing things exactly the same, more or less, for nine years. I’m not even sure Google existed when I started, and had never had a problem. I was pacing and muttering, and running my hands through my hair.

I sent the note to a guy who helps me with technical issues, and he investigated and told me the site had been hacked. A load of spammy code had been inserted, and he provided a screenshot of hundreds and hundreds of unknown URLs stacked up inside the source code. And another chunk of my head came off.

Long story a little less long… he worked at removing all the crapola, we updated plugins and changed username/ passwords, and I applied for “reconsideration” at Google. They said it would take at least three weeks for my case to be reviewed, but to please be patient.

About twenty percent of the Surf Report’s traffic comes from Google searches, and I certainly didn’t want to kiss that goodbye. Plus, I had concerns about perceived legitimacy. It bothered me that a search for “thewvsr” now took you to the West Virginia Split Rail company. I can’t have that.

But we’re back. Only two days later, and we’ve been returned to the Google index. Never a dull moment… Sweet sainted mother of Satch Davidson.

And since we’re on the subject of catastrophic website failures, I believe the RSS via email feature is now working again. I don’t know what happened, but I played around with the settings and it appears to now be functioning again. Sorry about that. Please let me know if you notice any further problems with it.

The younger Secret returned to school today, after hanging around on couches for two and a half days. He had a 103-degree temperature at one point, but is much better now. They’re dropping like flies at my job, too. It seems like the whole world is sick.

In fact, I felt like a bushel basket of turds all day yesterday myself, and only worked five hours. I went in at 3, and returned home at 8. I would’ve called-off completely, but… well, it’s a long, boring story.

I feel a lot better this morning, so hopefully I only got a small dose of it. And for the record, last night was the first time I’ve gone home early — unscheduled — in the two years I’ve worked there. And I’ve only called-off once, sometime in 2008, I think. I work when I’m scheduled, which seems to be a bit of a novelty nowadays. Know what I mean?

Have you ever watched a web show called Star-Ving? It features “Bud Bundy,” and some dude from Parker Lewis Can’t Lose. The episodes are each less than ten minutes long, and they’re disgusting, profane, over-the-top, and hilarious. In other words, the whole thing is fantastic!

Check it out, when you get a chance. But you might want to be careful watching it at work… Heh.

Toney and I were thinking about getting the boys a Playstation 3 for Christmas, and maybe allowing them to hook it up to the B.A.T. (big ass television). And after reading this, any hint of hesitation has been erased. Oh yeah. I can’t wait! Until, you know, our kids get their Christmas presents. …Because I want them to have a nice Christmas. …Hello?

And speaking of Christmas… I’m going to include a link to Amazon at the bottom of every update between now and the holidays. Please use it while doing your holiday shopping, and I’ll get a tiny portion of whatever you spend.

It’s a completely painless way to support the Surf Report, and I’ll be exceedingly appreciative. Exceedingly.

And yes, most of the t-shirts have now been mailed. I can hear the shouting from here. Sorry about the delay, but I allowed it to get away from me. You’d think a guy who’s spent his adult life working in distribution would be more organized… Sheesh. Wotta fantastic douche.

I’ll leave you now with a Question that seems kinda Facebooky. But I’m going to go with it anyway. In the comments section please list five things (or some other amount, I don’t care) you’ve never done, which might surprise people. I’ll get the ball rolling.

I’ve never:

Smoked a cigarette.
Broken a bone.
Crapped at work.
Watched any of The Godfather movies.
Eaten Lucky Charms.

Now it’s your turn. Have at it, using the fancy-ass WordPress commenting tool.

And I’ll be back on Monday, with more intellectually-stimulating, highbrow entertainment.

Have a great weekend, my friends.

Now playing in the bunker

Treat yourself today at Amazon!

Filed under: Daily

114 Responses to “This Website Didn’t Exist For Two Days”

Chuck in Belpre, on October 29th, 2009 at 11:29 am Said:

I have never:

Tasted tofu
Worn a raincoat
I haven’t broken any bones either
Eaten salmon
Gone hunting (and I am from WV)

[Reply]
Fat Secretary, on October 29th, 2009 at 11:30 am Said:

I have never:
Been FIRST!
Watched American Idol
Eaten a fried oreo
Been to Burning Man
Done one of these “Facebooky” Questionaires until today.

[Reply]
MI2Tall, on October 29th, 2009 at 11:43 am Said:

I have never-
Been banned from the interwebs
Jumped out of a perfectly good airplane
Joined a drum circle
Gone “commando”
Drunk a cup of coffee

[Reply]
MI2Tall, on October 29th, 2009 at 11:45 am Said:

Jeff-
I’m with you on the PS3 this Christmas…streaming music from my network drive, Netflix and…oh yeah, a gaming console.

[Reply]
MI2Tall, on October 29th, 2009 at 11:52 am Said:

The Space Bunny is now the wallpaper on my phone.

[Reply]
WB in OH, on October 29th, 2009 at 11:56 am Said:

I have never-

Been fired (as I knock on wood)
Fucked cheese
Been to an NBA game
Put bananas on a peanut butter sandwich
Had chili without beans

[Reply]
Hypo!, on October 29th, 2009 at 12:08 pm Said:

I’ve never:
Been to Canada
Liked the Yankees
Been arrested
Played Guitar Hero
Tried so little on a Question of the Day

[Reply]
Casey J, on October 29th, 2009 at 12:14 pm Said:

I have never:

really kissed a girl( I am a girl)
eaten liver and onions
gone to Mexico
been in a car accident..totally jinxing myself.
had a spinal tap.

[Reply]
essvee, on October 29th, 2009 at 12:17 pm Said:

Jeff. Let me tell you something that will set you free. Get over crapping at work. Just get over it. I too for many of years did the same thing. I would hold it for a week if I had to. I was just like you man!

And then one day I realized that a) it plain old hurt to hold it when I really had to go; b) that those ‘gotta take a shit’ farts were unbelievably disgusting, and that c) millions of people crapped in public every day without sustaining any perceivable psychic damage.

So one day I just went for it. Sure it was tough to do for a while. But it got easier as time went by. And it set me free, I tells ya. I can even shit at the airport now. Beats the holy hell out of my stomach hurting and floating those septic-tank smelling air biscuits for hours and hours. Hear me now, believe me later.

As for the list, I’ve never:

had a job for more than a year and a half (I’m 46)
hooked up with someone at a bar or a party
had sex with a dog or cat (this includes mutual masturbation)
knowingly eaten Miracle Whip
worn my glasses in a hot tub

[Reply]
Greg in Cincinnati, on October 29th, 2009 at 12:19 pm Said:

Good thing Google cracked under your pressure, I was fixin’ to organize a boycott.

1) Killed anyone.
2) Roofied a hot chick.
3) Gone a full year totally sober since 1986
4) Tried heroin.
5) Captained a Nuclear Submarine.

Sorry, I ran out of ideas.

[Reply]
TILLY, on October 29th, 2009 at 12:32 pm Said:

top ten! woo hoo

[Reply]
Limey, on October 29th, 2009 at 12:34 pm Said:

I have never:

1. Eaten Kraft Mac N’ Cheese
2. Watched the movie “Titanic”
3. Been to Scotland (I lived next to it but didn’t want to get the required inoculations)
4. Been arrested
5. Been unconscious

Will the PS3 stream HD movies? I doubt it.

[Reply]
Gretchen, on October 29th, 2009 at 12:34 pm Said:

I have never….

Smoked
Done illegal drugs
Gotten a tattoo
Waxed any part of my body
Gone a day without feeling the deep, dark pull of the Siren song of chocolate

[Reply]
Melissa, on October 29th, 2009 at 12:43 pm Said:

I have never…

Seen ‘The Godfather’ (any of ‘em)
Been to Europe
Been to a concert
Had sex with Brad Pitt
Or Angelina Jolie

Now Playing on iPhone: ‘I Cut Like a Buffalo’ The Dead Weather

[Reply]
LunaChickNYC, on October 29th, 2009 at 12:52 pm Said:

You are fine coming through Google now, and as far as Netflix instant – don’t you have xbox already? it was through xbox first now Wii & PS3 are following a year later pshhh!

[Reply]
Slugmama, on October 29th, 2009 at 12:52 pm Said:

I’ve never…..
1. eaten a piorogie
2. polked
3. been a coal miner
4. had black lung
5. still living in the past

What makes this all amazing is that I reside in the armpit of Pennsylvania!

[Reply]
Swami Bologna, on October 29th, 2009 at 12:52 pm Said:

1. Watched a whole episode of “Friends.”
2. Had the flu. (Jinx.)
3. Watched a whole Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.
4. Had a dick up my ass.

I’ve pretty much done everything else.

[Reply]
WB in OH, on October 29th, 2009 at 12:59 pm Said:

I have never sucked a cock no matter how many times I’ve been called a cocksucker. You just can’t convince some people!

[Reply]
Jeff, on October 29th, 2009 at 1:00 pm Said:

No, we don’t have XBox, Lunachick. We’ve only had PS2.

Never been to a concert? Never eaten Kraft Macaroni n Cheese? Two of my favorite things!

I’m going to Moe’s now, for a Triple Lindy with chicken, sour cream, cilantro, etc. Mmmm… salty.

[Reply]
TILLY, on October 29th, 2009 at 1:01 pm Said:

I have never

1) been arrested (unbelievable if you knew me)
2) been happy in a relationship for more than 2 years (completely believable if you knew me)
3) been in a fight (really unbelievable if you knew me)
4) been hit by a man (really really unbelievable if you knew me)
5) been unemployed

[Reply]
Shiny Rod, on October 29th, 2009 at 1:01 pm Said:

I have never:

Had sex with Monica Lewinsky nor ever want to. (Eww, the whole cigar thing made me cringe.)
Done LSD. (Oh Timothy, what hath thou roth.)
Shook the hand of a “seated” President. (I hate large crowds)
Been to Nirvana. (Kurt died before I could really get into the band.)
Felt as deep a loss as losing a good friend because I was trying to be funny. (Ok, one serious one alright?)

[Reply]
Kevindust, on October 29th, 2009 at 1:11 pm Said:

I’ve never:

Drank a cup of coffee
Broken a bone
Been sober for more than two weeks since 1994
Been to an MLB, NBA or NFL game
Watched an episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond”
Had a foursome

[Reply]
Rat Bastard, on October 29th, 2009 at 1:13 pm Said:

1. Shot heroin (amazing, isn’t it?)
2. Drove an 18-wheeler
3. Gone scuba diving
4. Been arrested (knock on wood, been close but was lucky)
5. Overdosed (see #1)

Jeff, I’d buy thru amazon but after this year’s bullshit I’m being scrooge. No one is getting anything (except for me and I’m just getting beer).

[Reply]
fattie20xl, on October 29th, 2009 at 1:18 pm Said:

i have never:
-watched “Rocky Horror Picture Show”
-had surgery
-gotten a flu shot
-fired a handgun
-had a driver’s licence (i’m 29)
-had a true hangover. (i’ve had a headache that went away after a shower and cup of tea)

[Reply]
Casey J, on October 29th, 2009 at 1:24 pm Said:

I checked the comments again..slow day here. NO hangover?? holy hell am I jealous. I too have never had sex with Brangelina but it is on my bucket list.

check this out…I love it. http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

[Reply]
AngryWhiteGuy, on October 29th, 2009 at 1:27 pm Said:

Gretchen, a couple of your ” I’ve never’s” begs for photographic proof.

I have never –
Done it with an oriental woman- (need the proof that it isn’t displayed east to west, rather than north to south)

Attempted to start my own blog or website- cannot find the spare time

Licked a frozen piece of metal, when I lived in cold climates- Why the fuck would you want to do that.

Seen “ET”- fuck that, just ain’t gonna do it.

Lost my wallet- Usually performed by drunk or high people. I guess carnival rides would be an acceptable excuse. Always know where my wallet is.

On IPOD right now- “Atomic Garden”- Bad Religion

[Reply]
ImTheChez, on October 29th, 2009 at 1:31 pm Said:

I have never:
* read a Harry Potter book (and I’m an English teacher.)
* been arrested (Some find this surprising.)
* fired a handgun
* voted for a Republican
* dated a younger man

[Reply]
Vicki, on October 29th, 2009 at 1:37 pm Said:

I certainly hope Sony has removed the propensity for the complete and utter “fuck it, I give up” attitude the old model has. Our PS3 system has been back to visit Sony twice in its life, both times for the same issue–with no warning it’ll just quit reading the discs. They’re $299 now–really? Fuckers.

[Reply]
Pagan, on October 29th, 2009 at 1:45 pm Said:

First? Is this actually possible? (Actually no schmuck your 28th!) Pretty happy with the ole PS3 its also a half decent blue ray player!
I have never: killed a man in Reno!
Slept with a Tranny!
Been banned from google!
Worked in a Yurt!
Paid $300 million to go into space!

But hey the night is young!!

[Reply]
fattie20xl, on October 29th, 2009 at 2:11 pm Said:

shiny rod, monica lewinsky is my type of woman, chubby chick with low self esteem that puts out!

[Reply]
bikerchick, on October 29th, 2009 at 2:12 pm Said:

essvee: laugh-out-loud funny!!

I have never:

Smoked a cigarette
Pooped outside (pee’d is another story)
Been arrested
Joined the “Licky-Licky” Club (sex with another girl)
NOT dressed up for Halloween

[Reply]
fattie20xl, on October 29th, 2009 at 2:14 pm Said:

@casey J:
yeah. and i’m a heavy drinker. hell, chances are that i’ll be 3 martinis into the night before i call it quits and go to sleep. i just recouperate pretty well.

[Reply]
JCIII, on October 29th, 2009 at 2:25 pm Said:

Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……..

I’ve never been to Spain, but I kinda like the music
I’ve never been to England, but I kinda like the Beatles
I’ve never been to Heaven, nor have I been to Oklahoma

sorry, I had to do that. As soon as I read “I’ve never” the 3 Dog Night song popped into my head(and now it’s stuck there).

Here are my never haves for real, yo:

I’ve never eaten sushi
I’ve never been arrested or put in handcuffs(handcuffs being used by law enforcement that is)
I’ve never driven a motorcycle
I’ve never seen a 3-D movie
I’ve never been on horseback

I’ve never touched nothing that my spirit couldn’t kill(sorry, that’s Steppenwolf)

[Reply]
Zazu the pitts, on October 29th, 2009 at 2:41 pm Said:

I have never…

eaten bugs (not knowingly anyway)
been bungee jumping (I am not crazy)
been fired (had jobs that made wish I was tho)
won the lottery (except in my dreams)
been able to hold my poop until I got off work.

[Reply]
Zazu the pitts, on October 29th, 2009 at 2:42 pm Said:

I have never…

eaten bugs (not knowingly anyway)
been bungee jumping (I am not crazy)
been fired (had jobs that made wish I was tho)
won the lottery (except in my dreams)
been able to hold my poop until I got off work. BRB

[Reply]
Zazu the pitts, on October 29th, 2009 at 2:44 pm Said:

(scratches head). iPhone made a dup somehow….sry

[Reply]
kristin, on October 29th, 2009 at 2:58 pm Said:

i have never:

been to europe
smoked a cigarette
drunk a cup of coffee
seen back to the future
wanted to watch dancing with the stars

[Reply]
kristin, on October 29th, 2009 at 2:59 pm Said:

i have:

shot the freak

[Reply]
Zazu the pitts, on October 29th, 2009 at 3:02 pm Said:

I have…

been to a nudist colony
taken illegal drugs
been arrested (but not handcuffed)
eaten sushi (bleech)
had a threesome
fired a gun
had a hangover (I avoid them now)
had surgery and a flu shot and the flu
broken a bone
been hit by a man
been unemployed
smoked
been unconscious
been to Mexico
had a car accident

And I am a very ordinary person. All of the above are very explainable (mostly).

How about the rest of you? Dare to list what you have done too??

[Reply]
fryguy, on October 29th, 2009 at 3:07 pm Said:

I have never….

jumped out of a perfectly good airplane

been wrong (after all I am a man)

eaten raw fish

been abducted by aliens (not that I remember anyway)

been in prison (must be why I can’t get a date)

[Reply]
Uncle_Wedgie, on October 29th, 2009 at 3:14 pm Said:

I have never…

pole danced

been caught fucking cheese

been on television

stared in Japanese porn

seen anything funnier than Star-Ving

[Reply]
Poppajugs, on October 29th, 2009 at 3:18 pm Said:

Never: caught a fish, had gay sex, worn a kilt, did heroin, been to Texas.

[Reply]
Malcolm, on October 29th, 2009 at 3:21 pm Said:

I have never:

drag-raced

had sex with a black woman

been in a moving car accident (knock wood)

drunk absinthe

masturbated in public

…and I think all of these are connected, somehow. I fear that drinking absinthe will cause me to masturbate while drag-racing, eventually crashing and that the ER nurse will be a hot black chick I cannot resist…

[Reply]
Shiny Rod, on October 29th, 2009 at 3:41 pm Said:

Poppajugs – I find Kilts to be quite comfortable.

Malcom – They’re not as hot as you would think.

Zazu the pitts – If you have had shrimp, crab or lobster, they are all bugs.

[Reply]
Zazu the pitts, on October 29th, 2009 at 3:53 pm Said:

@shiny rod.. OK -I have eaten decapods but drawn the line at coleoptera. (ain’t Google handy to have around?)

[Reply]
Tyrosine, on October 29th, 2009 at 4:12 pm Said:

I’ve never:

Watched Survivor
Used street drugs (crack/meth/heroin)
Hidden a dead hooker in a hotel mattress
Hit a woman
Been to a professional hockey game

I have however recovered nicely from the Swine Flu. While I did survive I don’t recommend the experience.

[Reply]
Pagan, on October 29th, 2009 at 4:43 pm Said:

It’s really hard to hide a dead hooker in a hotel mattress I do however recommend doing it before rigor Mortis sets in! We found it easier to place the body in front of the T.V. & tell the cops she died of boredom watching the new Jay Leno show!

[Reply]
STLSteve, on October 29th, 2009 at 5:23 pm Said:

You know Jeff, at my last job, they used a Barracuda web filter filter to keep us from browsing to any “questionable” sites. And I have to tell you that thewvsr.com was blocked by this thing and classified under the category of “tasteless and offensive”. Offfensive, maybe, but tasteless? I think not!

[Reply]
Jason, on October 29th, 2009 at 6:01 pm Said:

I have never…………

Had an ingrown toenail.

Had a cavity.

Fucked cheese.

Sucked a dick.

Watched American Idol.

Been to Hawaii.

Been pulled over by a cop.

Been to the Grand Canyon.

Listened to a rap song from start to finish.

Fucked more than one girl at a time.

Shit at work.

Considered popcorn a vegetable.

Owned a pair of sunglasses.

Shaved my cock ‘n balls.

[Reply]
retrollama, on October 29th, 2009 at 6:12 pm Said:

Like others here, I have never:

Smoked a cigarette
Watched any of the “Godfather” films

I’ve also never:

Gone skiing (snow or water)
Watched a daytime soap opera
Tasted ketchup

[Reply]
Gretchen, on October 29th, 2009 at 7:00 pm Said:

AWG: You need photographic proof I’ve never smoked? What, you want an x-ray? Seriously, just because there’s no waxing doesn’t mean there’s no shaving. I ain’t no Nancy over here.

[Reply]
Vicki, on October 29th, 2009 at 7:12 pm Said:

Uh, Jeff, by chance you didn’t have vundo.ig issues, did you?

[Reply]
Pagan, on October 29th, 2009 at 7:39 pm Said:

On a more serious note: Godfather 1&2 still stand up against anything being made today you owe it to yourself to watch them!
Godfather3 Meh!

[Reply]
Pagan, on October 29th, 2009 at 7:40 pm Said:

Jason did you mean today or ever?

[Reply]
DTO, on October 29th, 2009 at 8:02 pm Said:

Never…
Owned a cell phone

Had children

Used the word ‘proclivity’ when talking to someone.

Went back on a promise or broke someone’s confidence…(sappy but true)

Killed an animal on purpose…rodents and skunks don’t count

Dressed up as a girl…but if I did, I’m sure a little blue eye shadow would be just the thing to accent my blue eyes.

[Reply]
Greg, on October 29th, 2009 at 8:06 pm Said:

You know, most of the shit you guys haven’t done, I’ve done, and I consider myself kind of conservative. Wow, that kind of scares me.

I haven’t:

done heroin
been to the South Pole.

[Reply]
Do, on October 29th, 2009 at 8:55 pm Said:

I have never…
dialed *69
watched boxing
dated outside if my race or gender (bummer)
worked more than 10 miles from my home
eaten any ‘salad’ (chicken, tuna, egg, etc)

[Reply]
Jason, on October 29th, 2009 at 9:56 pm Said:

Pagan,
I mean ever. If it’s on my list, I’ve never. Ever. Hey, is Velvetta considered “cheese”? No, forget about that one. I don’t fuck cheese.

[Reply]
Melissa, on October 29th, 2009 at 10:44 pm Said:

Okay, Zazu, I’ll play along.

I have….

Seen ‘Titanic’ (at least the Leo/Kate one)
Broken a bone (my own, foot on two different occasions)
Sucked cock
Dated outside my race & gender
Joined the “Licky Licky Club”
Seen ‘Back to the Future’ (all of course)
Been hit by a man

However, I have STILL never:
Fucked cheese (any kind)
Been arrested
Done heroin
Seen the ‘Godfather’ (any of ‘em)

Now playing on iPhone: ‘And She Was’ Talking Heads

[Reply]
White Trash Barbie, on October 30th, 2009 at 6:19 am Said:

AWG – My husband was dating an Asian chick when I met him, and he swears they don’t go sideways, but I don’t believe him.

[Reply]
WB in OH, on October 30th, 2009 at 9:01 am Said:

Retrollama-I’m going to have to “bullshit” on the ketchup thing. How could you manage to have not tasted ketchup. Even just by accident? One little morsel on a mickey d’s cheesburger? If not, why? If you never tried it how would you know you don’t like it? I don’t want to come off sounding like an ass (prolly too late for that) but this is precisely the deep intellectual banter Mr. Kay intends to stir up with his seemingly whimsical questions of the day, some day we may even stumble onto the cure for cancer, so for the love of mankind retrollama, why?

[Reply]
WB in OH, on October 30th, 2009 at 9:22 am Said:

Further research has revealed a Ketchup Song, but I don’t think it’s about ketchup. This is the “english” version. Any spanish speaking surf reporters out there?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drw-M-t4OTo&feature=related

[Reply]
retrollama, on October 30th, 2009 at 9:25 am Said:

@WB

I never said I didn’t like ketchup. It’s is just something that I’ve somehow managed to avoid over the years, and don’t wish to bother with it now. I don’t use condiments in general. Don’t like mustard, tartar sauce, or relish, and only use mayo when making egg salad.

As a child, I ordered everything “plain,” even at fast food restaurants. (Used to drive my father bonkers, because my meal would take much longer than anyone else’s). I stopped eating meat and poultry in my teens, and since then, it’s been quite easy for me to avoid ketchup, even accidentally.

[Reply]
Kevindust, on October 30th, 2009 at 9:43 am Said:

Here is the real Ketchup song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkZ62XvJHVQ&feature=related

@fattie20XL I don’t think “3 martinis into the night” qualifies you as anything close to a heavy drinker. Just sayin’. Try 10 or 12 martinis and let us know how you feel in the morning.

@Jason I’m disapointed that you’ve reneged on the cheese fucking story. I loved that about you and now I just don’t know what to believe.

[Reply]
WB in OH, on October 30th, 2009 at 9:47 am Said:

Thank you for your prompt reply retrollama, ketchup is better than sex, but I guess that just leaves more for the rest of us!

[Reply]
WB in OH, on October 30th, 2009 at 9:58 am Said:

Kevindust-I was thinkin’ same thing about 3 martinis and Jasons cheese story. Second, you have ketchup in Canada? and cowboys? I think may need to go home and rest my head, too much trick or drinking last night has turned the whole damn world upside down.

[Reply]
Laserboy, on October 30th, 2009 at 10:01 am Said:

1. Jumped out of an airplane
2. Been to Japan
3. Kissed a nun
4. Seen the Dalie Lamma
5. Voted for a democrat

[Reply]
Son Of Sam, on October 30th, 2009 at 10:03 am Said:

Melissa will you marry me?

[Reply]
Evil Twin's Wife, on October 30th, 2009 at 10:27 am Said:

I have never:
1. Eaten lobster.
2. Pushed a baby out of my hoo-ha (2 c-sections!)
3. Taken PCP or Quaaludes (and those are the only 2 I haven’t done, probably because I couldn’t find them).
4. Had a “Dirty Sanchez” (thank goodness, because I would have gone to jail for murder afterwards).
5. Been skiing (water or snow).

[Reply]
Pagan, on October 30th, 2009 at 11:08 am Said:

@kevindust StompinTom man that takes me back: the Riverboat in Yorkville: Lightfoot, Mclaughlin & Tom all on the same bill! Illicit Scotch in the teapot at lychee Gardens after the concert! Good Times!

[Reply]
bikerchick, on October 30th, 2009 at 11:38 am Said:

Melissa: How’d that “Licky-Licky Club” work out for ya? You still a member? heh…!

[Reply]
Lee Harvey Ramone, on October 30th, 2009 at 11:51 am Said:

I’ve been to paradise but I’ve never been to me…..

[Reply]
bikerchick, on October 30th, 2009 at 12:32 pm Said:

Ok…what is the deal with all the cheese fuckin’ going on? I didn’t realize cheese would give off that kind of signal. How does one become attracted to cheese? Do you buy cheese with the intent to fuck it? “Yes, could I have a pound of Colby Jack but in half pound increments…slices for one half for my sandwiches, whole for the second half for the mood srikes”. I assume Swiss cheese would be the best…but I would imagine it would crack under pressure or aggressive thrusting…right? Hot Pepper cheese would be a little dangerous… And too much friction with Velveta and you would end up with spooged-up nacho sauce… I dunno… maybe I live under a rock. I need to get out more.

[Reply]
RNK, on October 30th, 2009 at 12:35 pm Said:

I have never…
- jumped out of plane
- liked chicken noodle soup
- had a good massage
- had a near death experience
- had a ball gag in my mouth

I have…
- completed a 1000 piece puzzle while tripping on acid
- had a threesome
- taken it in the can
- boiled eggs until they exploded
- watched every episode of Seinfeld

[Reply]
Son Of Sam, on October 30th, 2009 at 12:45 pm Said:

Christ RNK I hope your a girl.

[Reply]
RNK, on October 30th, 2009 at 12:49 pm Said:

Sam – Yes I’m a girl! Was it the Seinfeld thing that threw you off?

[Reply]
RNK, on October 30th, 2009 at 12:51 pm Said:

bikerchick – Are you sure you really want to know that many details about cheese fucking?

[Reply]
DTO, on October 30th, 2009 at 12:52 pm Said:

bikerchick…a while back, Jason wrote something very friggin’ funny about his neighbor and some Velveeta. I don’t know how to find that for you. Someone will I’m sure. Then you’ll understand.

[Reply]
WB in OH, on October 30th, 2009 at 1:12 pm Said:

Bikerchick-DTO is correct, and then it became a running gag for a while. I like to bring it up given the chance just hoping Jason wil come up with something funny.

[Reply]
Jeff, on October 30th, 2009 at 1:13 pm Said:

Great comments today/yesterday! Here’s Jason’s story… about the cheese:

http://thewvsr.com/index.php/parents-gone-wild/#comment-13745

[Reply]
Son Of Sam, on October 30th, 2009 at 1:20 pm Said:

Ok the hell with Melissa RNK will YOU marry me?

[Reply]
Lee Harvey Ramone, on October 30th, 2009 at 1:35 pm Said:

I haven’t looked into this specifically, but I am pretty certain that the French fuck cheese. It’s part of their national identity, I think.

Again, I haven’t researched this. It’s sort of a hunch, really.

[Reply]
Shiny Rod, on October 30th, 2009 at 1:43 pm Said:

Evil Twin’s Wife – Happy Anniversary!!!

Kenju – Happy Birthday

RNK – Jumping isn’t the problem, it’s the sudden stop at the end.

[Reply]
SC Scott, on October 30th, 2009 at 2:19 pm Said:

I have never:

- seen Godfather movies
- had a professional message
- been in a threesome (or moresome)
- been hunting
- done any recreational drug other than weed

I have:

- rubbed one off at work
- made love at work
- taken a dump at work (and survived)
- viewed porn at work
- arrived at work dressed as a woman (costume contest today, won first prize)

[Reply]
SC Scott, on October 30th, 2009 at 2:20 pm Said:

uh, that sshould have beeen massage.

[Reply]
SC Scott, on October 30th, 2009 at 2:22 pm Said:

can’t type with fucking long nails, dont know how you ladies do it

[Reply]
bikerchick, on October 30th, 2009 at 2:46 pm Said:

Thanks, Jeff! I don’t care who you are…that’s some funny shit!!

Here’s to Booger…. Pass the cheese dip…

[Reply]
Big Mike, on October 30th, 2009 at 4:59 pm Said:

I have never:

Eaten a Big Mack
Tossed someones salad
Teabagged anyone
Eaten a beet
Let a dog lick my face
Shaved my junk

[Reply]
Rebecca, on October 30th, 2009 at 5:34 pm Said:

You are soooo missing out on the Lucky Charms.

[Reply]
Shawne, on October 30th, 2009 at 6:00 pm Said:

I have never:

1. Camped out overnight
2. Used a drive-thru at a bank
3. Seen one second of any of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy
4. Drank coffee
5. Used any recreational drug

[Reply]
Chuck in Belpre, on October 30th, 2009 at 6:17 pm Said:

As for the Further Evidence link, that is creepy in itself but what is creepier is that so many of them are out of stock.

[Reply]
RNK, on October 30th, 2009 at 6:51 pm Said:

Sam – Sure. How’s Tuesday?

[Reply]
Greg in Cincinnati, on October 30th, 2009 at 7:47 pm Said:

Would the evil twin do some sketches for a Cheese-fucking, fish on front, smoking fish on back?

Just a thought.

If I could edit my previous post, I’d nuke the submarine Captain, and claim that:

I’ve never been arrested under the influence of illegal drugs, while smoking and fucking a cheese, or any other animal, vegetable or mineral.

[Reply]
White Trash Barbie, on October 30th, 2009 at 7:50 pm Said:

RNK, you may not know this, but Surf Reporters have married before, and I am an attorney who is licensed in Indiana, and in Indiana an attorney can be appointed judge for a day and perform weddings. You live in Indiana, don’t you? If you and Sam were to get married, I could marry you, and it could be a big WVSR party. Just sayin.

[Reply]
Pagan, on October 30th, 2009 at 8:09 pm Said:

Where’s my weekly Toxic Dump Dammit!!

The WSVR: Official Blog of Milwaukee Football fans!
(cheese not just for wearing on your head)

[Reply]
RNK, on October 30th, 2009 at 8:51 pm Said:

White Trash Barbie – Have Surf Reporters really gotten married? I don’t think I’m in any danger of that from Sam. He’s probably just hoping for a threesome or he has a ball gag he wants to try out.

[Reply]
Jason, on October 30th, 2009 at 8:53 pm Said:

Thanks for clearing that up Jeff.

I don’t know about fucking cheese. I do know that a room temprature processed cheese loaf with a hole drilled in it has a nice texture. Very close to a vagina, in my view. Do with that what you will.

[Reply]
T. Farty McAppleass, on October 30th, 2009 at 8:57 pm Said:

If Sam and RNK want a threesome, I call the 3 spot. Fuck yall. She sounds hot.

Tiff got married to Biff. They look like a great couple.

Oh, member that joke? My cousin texted me the other morning:

HIM: Does it mean I’m gay if I had a threesome last night?

ME: No, not as long as you focused on the chick and didn’t touch the other dude.

HIM: What chick?

[Reply]
Ordinary Phil, on October 30th, 2009 at 8:57 pm Said:

I have:

Smoked cigarettes for about 25 years. Been quit for a decade, though. I guess they could still kill me, but you gotta die of something.

Broken a few bones. I roto-tilled my left foot one time. I was fixing a garden for a girl. She never wanted much to do with me after that. I guess she didn’t really like oafs — that left me out.

Crapped at work — in several senses.

Watched all of The Godfather movies. Some of them were okay, none spectacular

Eaten Lucky Charms. No more, though. Blood glucose is no longer my friend.

I don’t really need a WVSR shirt, I’m waiting for the coffee mugs. That I’ll buy!

Anyhow…

[Reply]
Taiwan On, on October 30th, 2009 at 11:52 pm Said:

I have done everything. Everything you can possibly imagine. Even things that you can’t imagine. So how am I going to answer the Question Of The Day?

Actually, I have never been to Uzbekistan. Ok, so sue me.

[Reply]
hardoxdan, on October 31st, 2009 at 2:03 am Said:

Hey, RNK.
Sam – Sure. How’s Tuesday?

I’ll take Wednesday………

Never done:
Skydived (want to)
Chopped off any fingers (no way)
Done drugs that involve needles (maybe??)
Butt fu**ked a guy (NO thanks, never been to prison.)
Been butt fu**cked by anyone (Never)

That’s my five.

Still want to sky dive, but afraid of heights, help me !!!!!

[Reply]
Pagan, on October 31st, 2009 at 11:30 am Said:

Happy Samhain Everyone!

[Reply]
clintcurtis, on October 31st, 2009 at 1:09 pm Said:

Never done:

Heroin
Skydiving
Scuba Diving
Been to New England
Been convicted of a felony (probably THE thing that most people find surprising about me)

…Greg, you gotta go to the South Pole sometime. Smoking weed on top of an ice cap at 10,000 feet above sea level is a total buzz!

[Reply]
Greg, on October 31st, 2009 at 4:16 pm Said:

clintcurtis – I could get off on that!

[Reply]
Nicole, on October 31st, 2009 at 8:57 pm Said:

Today’s was a good one! Never have I ever…

been a member of an online dating site
traveled west of Gettysburg, PA (I’m from Jersey – done the east coast and some Europe, though)
gotten into a physical fight
shaved my head
wanted to have a child

[Reply]
WVKay, on November 1st, 2009 at 12:13 am Said:

I have never:

Beat my child.
Eaten snails.
Run a marathon.
Had an epidural.
Sucked a dirty dick.

[Reply]
Uncle_Wedgie, on November 1st, 2009 at 12:16 am Said:

Wohoo!

WVSR classic and Fuckup T-shirts on the porch! God bless you Mr.K

[Reply]
White Trash Barbie, on November 1st, 2009 at 7:16 am Said:

Ugh. When I was a kid I always felt sick after Halloween from too much candy. Now I feel sick after Halloween from too much beer.

[Reply]
Shiny Rod, on November 1st, 2009 at 1:57 pm Said:

White Trash Barbie – That must have been one hell of a Halloween celebration.

[Reply]
Malcolm, on November 1st, 2009 at 2:08 pm Said:

I just love my retro maroon smoking fish tee – arrived just in time for All Hallow’s Eve.

Thanks, Jeff – I’ll wear it proudly!

[Reply]
Brynhildr, on November 1st, 2009 at 3:49 pm Said:

As much as I hate to encourage anything Hall & Oates, fans might be interested in this website. My apologies if it has already received mention here.

http://www.livefromdarylshouse.com

[Reply]
White Trash Barbie, on November 1st, 2009 at 7:24 pm Said:

Yes, SR, it was
- WTB

[Reply]
kenju, on November 1st, 2009 at 8:31 pm Said:

YIKES. It took so long to read the comments that I can’t remember what I was going to tell you about what I haven’t done.

Oh, yeah, I haven’t bungie jumped or parachuted (and don’t want to do either).

[Reply]
Jason, on November 1st, 2009 at 9:02 pm Said:

Got my shirt yesterday! Thank you Mr. Kay!

[Reply]