I was sitting in McDonald’s this afternoon, enjoying a #16 with sweet tea, and made a few observations:
It’s not uncommon to see an ugly teenage boy with a girlfriend who looks like a model. However… the opposite is not true. You rarely see an ugly girl with a good-looking guy. Any opinions on why this is so? Or do you disagree? What are your thoughts on this important sociological discovery?
You know who are amongst the biggest pigs in the world? People who eat in fast food restaurants, and don’t bother to throw their trash away. Man, that makes my blood boil. I saw some horrible hag with tit tats do that today, and was hoping she’d be run over in the parking lot. Seriously, I was sitting there WILLING a delivery truck to come tearing around the corner, and go over her with all four tires. Unfortunately, I don’t have those sorts of powers.
And it bugs me when people eat entire McNuggets in one bite. The things are disgusting to begin with, but that’s a separate issue. I sat there watching some zit-spangled shitsack popping them into his mouth like popcorn, and tried to look away. But I couldn’t. I don’t have much history with McNuggets, but know one thing for a fact: they’re made to be eaten in two bites.
If only I could get my dictatorship off the ground…
I had to take the younger boy to the dentist this afternoon. It took FOREVER. He disappeared behind a door, and an hour later hadn’t returned. It was getting to the point where I was wanting to pace around the room, but kept it in check. The waiting room was full of people, and I decided that pacing would probably be frowned upon.
At one point I left, and checked out a liquor store down the street. I wanted to see if they carried Adam Carolla’s Mangria, but didn’t find it. Supposedly it’s now sold in Pennsylvania, but I’ve never seen it anywhere. Oh well. It’s probably just hangover fuel, anyway.
When I returned I flopped down in the same chair, and listened to a soap opera. The TV was situated so I couldn’t see the screen, but the volume was cranked up to a Dinosaur Jr. level. I wasn’t even aware there were any soap operas left. What is this, 1965?? The acting was horrible. I’m almost certain I could do a better job of it, and I’m an inventory manager in Wilkes-Barre.
Finally, I was summoned to the bowels of the operation, by a woman wearing a surgical mask. Uh oh. Was something wrong? My heart picked up the pace a bit. I always think the worst.
I’ve taken the younger boy to the orthodontist before, but never to the regular dentist. Toney always takes him. So, I didn’t know anything about it, and was a little surprised to learn that his dentist is what appeared to be a 12 year old Asian girl.
She started showing me x-rays of teeth on a computer screen, and jabbering something I could not understand. She seemed nice, and Toney says good things about her, but I couldn’t make out 75% of what she was saying. So, I just smiled and repeated phrases like “OK” and “Got it.” I might’ve agreed to wear a puffy shirt on the Today Show, I’m not sure.
When we got home I moved the trash cans from the curb to the garage, emptied the dishwasher, and made a salad to go with dinner.
Somehow I was ordained the family salad-maker, many years ago. I’m not sure what qualifies me for the position – other than the fact Toney hates to do it. But, it’s cool. I make a mean salad. For the record, I’m also the bed-maker, the dishwasher-emptier, and the trash-toter. I’m supposed to be the grass-mower, too. But I’m trying my best to pawn that shit off on the boys. I’ve been mowing (and hating it) for close to 40 years. I’m about done.
I saw that Steve emailed me a couple of snapshots from his old birthday parties, circa 1979 and 1980. I’m in both. Can you spot me? Hideous. Especially the one with the glasses. My brother also appears in one.
And now I’m writing this update, and you’re current on my Thursday so far. Exciting stuff, huh?
Have yourselves a great weekend, my friends. I’m going to be working on the book for the next couple of days, but will be back here on Sunday or Monday.
See ya then!