The Things That Are Exciting Us, etc.

Since I had little to do with it, I think it’s OK for me to go on and on about how great the website looks at this point.  Right?  I’m not responsible for any of it, so it’s acceptable to gush, I believe.

On Monday the final tweak to the footer happened, and for the first time ever… I’m happy with it.  There are always two or three things about the homepage that bug the crap out of me, but not now.  It’s close to perfect, I think.

Sure, some of the inner pages suck, like the ABOUT page, and the Surf Report gift shop.  But those are different projects for a different day.  I’ll deal with them, eventually.

Right now I’m just gonna hit refresh and watch how lightning-fast the page loads, sigh with satisfaction, and smile like a large retarded man who just won a cake raffle.

I downloaded the new Eels album this morning, and it’s gonna take a few listens…  It’s definitely not a record that grabs you by the throat on the first listen; an investment of time will be necessary.  But I’m confident I’ll eventually dig it.  I mean, it’s the Eels, right?

Here’s a review.

And Steve and I will be traveling to Philadelphia to see the “band” perform next month.  I’m excited.  They’re great live, and will rip your head clean off.  Anybody else planning to be at the show?  Maybe we can meet-up for a pre-concert adult beverage somewhere?  Let me know.

At work they installed all new vending machines.  I think the previous company lost their contract, or something, and now we’ve got some crazy-ass machines.  Oh, nothing like the ones in Japan, ours still sell normal stuff.  They’re just extra-flashy and unusual.

The soda machines have video screens that display commercials and sometimes the current temperature inside the machine itself.  The candy bar/chips machines accept credit cards(?!), and also feature a large screen where you must confirm your purchase before committing to a contract to purchase a 3 Musketeers or whatever.

I kinda like the confirmation requirement.  ‘Cause it sucks when you have your mind set on a certain candy bar, hit the wrong button, and a sack of trail mix drops — along with your heart.  So, I give the confirmation requirement a big sausage thumb-up.

I haven’t seen anyone busting out the Visa card to buy Funyuns yet, but I’ll undoubtedly do it someday.  I’m often without cash, so I can see myself taking advantage of the feature.  In fact, the only reason I ever have actual cash is because of the vending machines at work… This might be the final nudge to a completely cashless existence.

Yeah, the things are pretty crazy.  The soda machines are like something off the Jetsons.   If a person from the 1890s was transported to our break room, he’d probably cower behind a chair every time someone bought a Coke.

“Balderdash, bully, and greasy shitballs, my good fellow!!”

One thing bothers me, though.  All the candy bars are $1.00, except Milky Way.  And they’re $1.10.  Why?  What’s that all about it??  I don’t get it.  Is Milky Way a premium bar now?  Can anyone explain this to me?

It was a challenge to get this update written, on account of a cranked-up Playstation game and constant interruptions, but I hope it wasn’t too suckin’.  As for a Question… yesterday we talked about stuff that’s pissing us off.  Why not do the opposite today, and discuss the things we’re excited about?

You know, specific things.  Not abstract goop like “my wonderful family, who provide joy and inspiration every day…”  This ain’t the Hallmark Channel.  Or Facebook.  Tell us about something that’s excited you recently.

Or just talk about vending machines, whatever.

I probably won’t be able to update again until Sunday.  So, have a great weekend, my friends.

I’ll see ya next time!

Now playing in the bunker

Treat yourself today at Amazon!


  1. Dave's not here, man says

    I’d love to run that curly headed hobbit through the round door.

    WB – that’s the greatest euphemism EVER!!!

    And did I mention I love boobies? Doesn’t matter what size. And I think we need all the female surf reporters to submit pictures of their naked breasts, purely as evidence to prove my theory that all female surf reporters have great tits.

  2. hot fuzz says

    Chuck’s right – fuck Canada

    Chuck I’m writing this just between you and me so no-one else read ok? ok good. Buddy, you almost gave away the whole deal. What were you thinking. If people started to follow the money like they do on Fox news the whole gig would be up. You know I’m just softening up the reporters here for when Canada takes over and makes the USA the 11th province. They wanted to just make y’all the 4th territory but our King Timothy Horton wouldn’t allow that.

    But if someone follows the money, we’re in a shit load of trouble. Follow the money.
    – Jeff did a whole bit on the new Krispy Kreme store opening
    – they have Krispy Kreme up here in the C-place but the number one donut place is named after our King
    – there aren’t many of our Tim Horton’s in the USA yet but we have a few
    – we all know these are sleeper cells for project Maple Syrup
    – there’s a sleeper cell/Tim Horton’s Donuts in, oh, I don’t know… maybe FREDRICKSBURG!!!!!
    – Fredricksburg is 3.5 miles from (wait for it)…….BELPRE!!!!

    Chuck, I know you were trying to distract everyone away from the plan but since Celine is the main spy working out of Vegas…where all the C-word comedians use as the LZ….that was a risky gamble.

    We almost screwed up Kevindust’s mission to bugger with motor sports. His sortee is only a few weekends away and he’s already convinced 3 or 4 reporters that it’s a harmless “vacation” and they’re encouraging him along. We all know it starts here and before long? Nascar.. IRL…Geez he’s so close it’s too dangerous to talk about.

    Good work though – I think we closed the book on fucking Cana… the C-place…. for now.

    Cheers :)

    Hey everyone, thanks for your patience, please resume reading .. nothing to see here…. move along…

  3. johnthebasket says


    Sorry to hear about your wife. It must have been difficult for you to keep the household going and keep working while she was getting better. Please pass on to her my wishes for a speedy and full recovery. Your family will be in my thoughts.


  4. hot fuzz says

    I saw one weekend of Nascar racing at Bristol in Michigan back in the late 80’s. It was a freaking blast… it’s hard to describe the sound even one car on the track makes never mind 30 or 40. If you walk slowly to your seat, you can experience more of the feeling with only the fence to separate you from fiery death – awesome. Bubba that Marshal insisted I “move my fat ass”.. He did laugh though when I said my ass has to be that big to counter balance the fricken monster dick up front…

    We brought one cooler each for the 7 of us that went – a bit of overkill but what a great atmosphere. Only downside, I puked up my colon and sun burnt the top of my ears to a crisp – we were so high up in the stands that we were significantly closer to the sun.- no spf is effective at that orbit.

    I made some money at a local track (in addition to turning tricks behind the portable toilets of course) when a bunch of gentlemen were making bets on who of the three of us would make it the furthest without drunkenly dropping our load of fire wood. My two buddies were more like hobbits at the time compared to me as a Yeti. I made a deal that the winner would get 6 free beers (2 for each of our front pockets). They said beer was too valuable but they could give $20 to the winner as an incentive. Turns out it’s a good thing I know first aid as the hobbits both went ass over tea kettle during the “compe-tit-ion”. Nothing like drunken pain to make me laugh my ass off.

    heh – I said “tit”

    Only downside again was this time I almost barfed up my sphincter (holy shit I spelled that right the first try). And it was a road track so I could only see one corner…. which actually was good since I could use the down time for scoping out the drunk girl fans… ah to be early 20’s again.

  5. hot fuzz says

    Check out the Mt Dooms on Arewin. The hobbits must have been gay to not have talked about her when they were around the fire or while they were walking… and walking and walking…

  6. says

    hot fuzz – They didn’t want Steven Tyler showing up. He might have been confused with Sméagol and end up tossing him into the volcano instead. My precious boobs!!!

  7. says

    overheard today at the bank drive-thru:
    “It’s people like you that make people like me want to kick ass in the middle of this fucking bank drive thru.”

    It was awesome! some dweeb cut in front of some (hot) man. The hottie jumped out to tell him about it and the dumbass denied it. He was called a ‘punk ass’ then got the real ass-chewing. Loved it!

  8. WB in OH says

    hot fuzz…Bristol in Michigan? You must mean Michigan International Speedway in Brooklyn, MI. But your right about two things, when the cars come down the front stretch at 200 mph plus, it is an awesome sight and sound, and yes Bubba doesn’t appreciate you dilly dallying next to the fence. You have to time it just right so you catch the pack on your way to the restroom.

    Random thoughts…

    Drag Racing…not really a big fan but I did go to an IHRA event in Norwalk, OH years ago because a friend insisted I would not believe how fucking loud top fuelers are…unbelievable!! You can get really close to the cars at the start line at Norwalk and when they took off the first time I swear the sound wave that they let out moved me six feet back, or I jumped that far back I’m not sure which. And the fan access to the drivers is unreal, you just mosey about the pits and watch teams tear apart motors, drivers come out and sign stuff in between races. Not anything like Nascar.

    I hated Dale Earnhardt with a passion. Funny thing though, after he passed I realized he was one of my favorite things about the sport and my passion for the sport died that day also.


    All ya’ll go fuck yourselves and have a marvelous weekend, the weather here in midwestern Ohio is supposed to be fabulous this weekend. Also first weekend of High School football!

  9. valentin says

    Oh yeah hot fuzz the bunker cam reminds me of The Man Show. Remember girls jumping on trampolines?

  10. WB in OH says

    Girls jumping on trampolines! Some of the most brilliant TV ever produced! Hard to believe they never won an Emmy.

  11. t-storm says

    I had this conversation while sitting with my friend jacob at the bar last night.

    Drunk Guy: What do you guys do?
    T-Storm: I fix airplanes and he works at a pharmacy.
    Drunk Guy: Do you guys live in Oklahoma City?
    T-Storm: Yes.
    Drunk Guy: So what do you guys do?

    I was expecting Alan Funt to pop out and give me a wedgie.

  12. says

    Hot fuzz, my dad and I will be attending the NASCAR Canadian Tire Series race at Barrie Speedway on the Saturday night. The track is walking distance from where we are camping…so both of us are guaranteed to be enjoying some adult beverages. I am very excited for the whole weekend.

    I actually ran King of the Hill at Barrie Speedway in 1999. KotH was an event held during intermission. Using your street car: standing start, one lap side by side with a competitor, process of elimination, last car remaining wins. Well, my street car at the time was a ’95 Mustang GT 5.0 with a supercharger, headers, Eibach springs, polyeurothane bushings, a 3.73 gear and top of the line Bridgestone PP S-02 tires. It was my first time at the track but after watching a few races, I quickly realized that the high groove was the fastest. When it came time for KotH, they used a coin toss before each race to determine who got to pick the starting position, inside or outside lane. Well, I loss the first coin toss but my competitor picked the inside lane. We were pretty even through turns 1&2 but I smoked him down the back stretch and cleaned his clock through 3&4 to take the win. I got to sit out the second round because there was an odd number of cars and I had the fastest time. For the finale, I won the coin toss and picked the outside lane…the first and only one to do so that night…the track guy was all “are you sure?” Oh yeah, I was sure! I had this round won before we even got to turn one! Great times, I still have the trophy to prove it.

    As for the asphalt vs. dirt arguement, I love both.

    “Dirt is for racin’, asphalt is for gettin’ there.”
    “Asphalt is for racin’, dirt is for plantin’ corn.”

  13. t-storm says

    That’s pretty cool. From what it sounds like nobody caught on to your secret, you’d think someone would have been all waiiiiiit a minute.

  14. says

    I love absinthe so much.

    Kevindust’s story is also pretty badass.

    Now, if I were a begger on the street none of you knew (which none of you do) and I had a sign that said

    “I need money for drudgereport website advertisment space… and booze”

    would any of your through me some change and a bottle of water?

  15. hot fuzz says

    Mild mannered civil servant by day; hot rodding kick ass son of a bitch when the flag drops. Sounds like a fun weekend, brother.

    I-66 of course I would. I always give. And it always more than comes back. Sometimes I get services in return….sometimes not. My fave is a 70 yr old downtown named Rosie. You ain’t had lovin’ until you had a gummin’ from Rosie.

    Kevindust, with any luck she’ll be working the campgrounds that weekend. :)

  16. says

    Thanks guys, and please call me Kevin.

    Earlier in that summer (’99) I ran four similar events at my home track, Capital City Speedway. At CCS, it was alone on the track, standing start, two lap race against the clock with the fastest time winning. I won them all, including defeating a guy who came up from Toronto in his ‘Vette…man was he pissed that some kid in a Mustang beat him!

    I’ll never forget coming out of turn 2 at CCS under full throttle, drifting 18 inches away from the wall, lifting for a 1/2 second to get the car straight then planting it again…in my street car. Some local racers still remember it. Ahhh, youth…I probably wouldn’t repeat it today.

    So, when we got to KotH at Barrie at the end of the summer, my drunken friends made a point of going up to the announcer to let him know that this undefeated kid from Ottawa was going to wipe the locals off their own track. Here I am sitting in my car waiting to race and I can hear the announcer talking smack about me…but of course I shut him up real good.

    I never managed to get Smoking Fish racecar v2.0 ready this year, I bought my first house in the spring and have had other priorities. However, I hope to complete the car this winter and get back on the track in 2011. Stock car racing is (to me) the most fun you can have with your underwear on.

  17. chill says

    Any apparent boobies at work are welcome; I work in a male-dominated industry, so I won’t be picky. But if I were to be picky, I’d go for the A or B. Just sayin’ (to repeat an irritating phrase).

    Traffic cone?

    As for the bucket list, I’d rather do it than see it. The nearest ‘motor speedway’ to me is Summit Point WV, and it’s at least a 90 minute drive. I’d like to go for a track day some time. Also want to ski Hawaii.

  18. chill says

    Oh yeah… I like haggis, and I like pizza. Maybe not in the same bite.

    Kevin, that’s some cool stuff… saw it after I posted. Steering with the throttle is awesome.

  19. says

    Oh, I’ve since hit that wall a few times! Thankfully the street car was safely in the parking lot and the racecar took the beating….at least until it’s untimely demise. It’s not so bad when you’re straped into a race seat and you have a roll cage around you. Stock car racing is a contact sport!

  20. says

    I don’t know where I ended up this weekend, but I remember this conversation:

    Man 1: He’s the best. He know’s his shit.
    Man 2: He’s getting old. Not many people respect him.
    Man 1: Shit! That mother fucker knows his puke!

    Old Judge man takes the cup and smells it, then he lifts it to his lips, and then he says, “These olives were added after the fact. No score!” And everyone clapped.

    Man 1: See? He knows his puke. Shit don’t get by his old ass.
    Man 2: Maybe. Most could tell that those olives were too fresh to be puke.
    Man 1: Whatever!

    Then the old man took another plastic cup and lifted it to his mouth. He hesitated and then he said, “This corn isn’t puke! They added it later on! No score!”

    Man 1: See?
    Man 2: Fuckin’ A. Gramps knows his puke!

    And all the tits and asses rushed him for an autograph. “You’ll never know how many tits I’ve signed” he said with a smirk as he wrote across another A-cup teen. And she laughed. And we all laughed. And all was good. The puke king had proven himself again. They don’t call him the king for nuffin.

    The End. Go Fuck Yourselves.

  21. hot fuzz says
    That might work better. Fast forward to the two minute mark. Hint, we’re the 3rd dot from the center.

    What you’re looking at is a visual of all the meteors and how close they’ve come to This Island Earth. It sorta tied in to what T-Storm posted about near collisions…and will probably prove the Mayans right after all in a year or two… oh well… happy days…

  22. Ian the Errolite says

    O.K. guys you win.

    Haggis has had its day on this site.

    Lets ‘put it to bed’ with a big whisky kiss.
    Nevermore shall we speak of this!

    I’m off to blow up balloons and get that ‘tight cheeked’ feeling. It my son’s fifth birthday party, so total mayhem is about to hit a house in Errol for two hours today!

    Have a great weekend, whatever you’re up to.
    Have a good weekend guys

  23. johnthebasket says

    Gretchen, Brittney, and other women Reporters & Lurkers…

    On Thursday evening I posted several tasteless, tactless comments that violate my own standards of behavior and discourse. This is an apology for those rude, insensitve comments.

    1) I used the word “fuck” as a verb, meaning “to copulate” rather than as a contextual obscenity. I consider this usage degrading and insensitive to women; it is outside the standards I have set for myself. I apologize for doing that; the context in which I used the word was, in itself, insensitive and sexist, which takes me to…

    2) I said and implied that the size of a woman’s breasts affected her allure and men’s response to her. First, I have no business talking about women’s breasts except in the abstract, as a comment about our culture. Second, it just isn’t true. A woman’s allure is about who she is, not what size her bra is. I played into the very cultural, sexist stereotypes I deplore just to get a quick laugh. That was wrong, and I apologize.

    3) After Gretchen rightly said the large breast discussion was troubling to her (I know she made a joke out of it, but at the core of her comment there was concern), I immediately laid the blame on Hot instead of taking responsibility myself. So I violated my own standards, then disingenuously denied doing so. Gretchen even noted that the comments from me sounded like they were coming from someone else. I apologize for not taking responsibility for my own insulting bad taste. Gretchen even tried to give me an out by sugesting that I might be flying on pain meds. Not so. My back med intake is way down in anticipation for what I hope will be my last surgery, a cementing together of my tri-fractured sacrum next Thursday.

    Standards of behavior and discourse are like faces. No two are the same. Other reporters can say whatever they please about the matters I’m discussing; it’s not my business to judge them. I know I have been guilty in the past of doing so and I intend to bring that to a screeching halt.

    I promised my Dad before he died that I would live the remainder of my life striving to be the gentleman he was, I also promised myself. I’m very sorry that I deviated from my own standards of gentlemanly behavior.

    I’m not a paragon. I’ve screwed up many times, and I will screw up again. But I will try very hard to do better.

    I have a high level of respect and affection for the women Reporters on this site. That level wasn’t reflected in my comments of Thursday evening. For that I reiterate: I apologize, hope you will accept my apology, and I will strive to do much better in the future.



  24. says

    jtb…I won’t make assumptions about how others took your comments. I will say that your heartfelt apology, in my opinion, outlines the intrinsic wealth surrounding the WVSR comments. We may all get out of line occasionally but we also have the ability to recognize our faults and…when appropriate…mock ourselves for them.

    “I’m not a paragon. I’ve screwed up many times, and I will screw up again. But I will try very hard to do better.”

    Brilliantly said, my anonymous internet friend. I raise a glass of Canadian lager in your honour.

  25. Gretchen says

    Thanks, JTB. Apology accepted. We’ll just chalk it up to an “off night”. Everyone has one of those once in awhile.

  26. hot fuzz says

    John, for me to say anything at this point risks diluting your thoughts. I will say however that your anguish saddens me as it appears to be self imposed. Please stay the course; remain strong in spirit; and trust your online friends.

    Good health and spirits, today, Thursday, and as you recover.

  27. hot fuzz says

    And it is no surprise that Gretchen has replied so graciously and unreservedly. I shall add “classy” to the qualities list that includes “brilliant”.

  28. WB in OH says

    Kevin…your racing stories reminded of one of my. Flashback to the early 90’s, a good friend of mine ran an e-mod at a local track (shadybowl speedway). We went to track for a tune and test on Wednesday night. When we were done with that my friend let me run a couple of laps in his race car. It’s a 3/10 oval and if I remember right 15.5 seconds would put you on the pole. I felt like I was hauling ass but couldn’t turn a lap faster than 28 seconds. I looked so slow a guy watching swore he could have beat me with my 94 lumina that was in the infield but the track Rep wouldn’t let him take it on the track tank goodness. In my defence, I had no idea what I was doing and there was no way I was tearing up my buddies car. It was a blast, I don’t care how bad I looked.

  29. Ed says

    This is late and there’s a new update so probably nobody will read this, but most of the big lusts and crushes of my life just happened to be for smaller breasted women.

  30. Dave's not here, man says

    I think the most appropriate response at this point comes from Jay and Silent Bob:

    Jay: All these assholes on the internet are calling us names because of this stupid fucking movie.
    Banky: That’s what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously. Stopping the flick isn’t gonna stop that.
    Jay: This isn’t fair. We came to Hollywood, I fell in love. Fuckin’, we got shot at, we stole a monkey, and I got punched in the motherfucking nuts by a guy named Cock-Knocker.