Last night at work I had a hankering (as it’s known) for something crunchy and loaded with salt. So I waddled out to the break room, and stood in front of a large sheet of plexiglass.
I was hoping for sour cream and onion Lay’s but, of course, there were none. They never have a specific item I’m looking for, I’m always forced to choose from a lineup of stuff I’d never buy in the real world.
I have to be in the mood for Doritos, they’re not a favorite. And I don’t really care for the hard and skinny road cone-orange Cheetos, either. The puffy kind are OK, but they’re sorta, you know, phallic.
They had a sack of some kind of highly-suspicious “party mix,” made by an unknown company. Not gonna happen… And regular Sun Chips are OK, they remind me of the late-great Prontos from my junior high days, but not “cracked pepper and mayonnaise” flavor, or whatever they were trying to pawn off on me last night.
Shit, man. What a sad state of affairs… I considered making the leap from salt to sugar, but that wouldn’t have done the trick. You can’t just go around turning your back on a hankering, all willy-nilly.
So I decided to try something new to me, but probably not to most of you: salt and vinegar Lay’s. Yes, that’s correct, I’m pushing 100 years old and had never tried salt and vinegar chips before. I mean, think about it. Vinegar? How utterly appetizing.
But I know those things have a following of sorts, so they can’t be that bad. Right? And since it was semi-close to what I actually wanted, I decided to roll the dice.
And here’s my in-depth review: blecch!
It tasted like Windex, or maybe hairspray. I can’t really put my finger on it… Possibly paint thinner? Of course I’ve never actually tasted those things, but it’s what immediately came to mind, when I placed one of those horrible chips on my tongue.
What a dirty trick to play on a portly man! All I wanted was something crunchy and loaded with salt, and this is what I get? I’m thinking about calling Dolores Blasengame, and filing a lawsuit.
What’s the worst flavor of chip you’ve ever encountered?
When we were in England I was amazed by the wide array of bizarre “crisps” they have for sale. Check this shit out. Cajun squirrel?? I tried something called roast chicken (I think) and it wasn’t bad — much better than those Windex chips from last night.
So, what’s the nastiest snack item you’ve ever been foolish enough to sample? And while we’re at it, what’s your favorite kind of chip? I like Lay’s cheddar and sour cream, and sour cream and onion made by just about anyone.
I’m a big fan of the regional chips, they’re usually better than the big names. However… Lay’s is pretty kick-ass, all around.
And that’s gonna do it for today, boys and girls.
I’ll see ya tomorrow.