The Perfect Time to Marry, the Perfect Place to Drink

I was 30 when Toney and I were married, and 33 when our first youngling was born.  I feel like both things happened at roughly the right age for me.  I didn’t really plan it that way (I don’t usually dabble in planning), it just kind of occurred.  And I’m satisfied with the timeline.

Oh, sometimes I wish I was a little younger, in relation to the boys.  I don’t know why, really.  It’s not like I’m a crippled-up old man, or anything.  It’s probably something to do with my dad.  When he was 47 (my current age) I was already 25.  He just turned 69, and still seems the same as he’s always been.  And it’s a blessing to have my parents around – and coherent – for so much of my life, it really is.

When my kids are 47, however, I’ll probably be a pile of ashes inside an urn, or hollering non-stop belligerence and shitting through some alternative opening.  I can’t really see myself as a cool and healthy oldster, walking on the beach with a long stick or whatever.  No, I’m probably going to be one of those hollering belligerence types.

So, it would be nice to be a little closer in age to our kids.  But I wouldn’t have wanted to marry any younger, so it’s sort of a contradiction.  I’m not making any grand proclamations here, I’m just talking about myself.  But it would’ve been a big mistake if I’d married in my twenties.  Big.  Mistake.

I had to get some things out of my system, you see.  I needed to go wild for a few years, and hang out in rock clubs and howl at the moon.  If I’d been pinned-down during that time, I would’ve been a miserable son of a bitch, and probably completely intolerable.

I know plenty of people make it work, but I don’t think I could’ve.  I was two completely different people at ages 20 and 30, and the transformation was not pretty.

My folks got married right out of high school, and so did most of their friends.  It was a different time, everybody says, and I guess that’s true.  Society expected different things from people.  But what about immaturity, self-absorption, and a prolonged history of bad decisions?  Where was the love for those particular rites of passage?

Can I get an amen?!

A million years ago I read an interview with Paul Simon.  He said he believed people shouldn’t get married until they’re at least thirty, and have lived for a year or more in a different country.  At the time I rolled my eyes at the comment, because I thought it was pretentious.  But it’s probably not too far off from my current view on the subject.

The part about living in a different country is possibly his way of saying “see things, educate yourself, grow up.”  Or maybe he meant exactly what he said?  I don’t know.  But I’m a big proponent of allowing yourself time to explore.

What do you think?  Is there a right time for people to get married and have kids?  Or does it all depend on the individual?  Use the comments link to share your thoughts.

And speaking of my twenties, and “exploring,” here’s a bar where I logged many, many hours.  It’s called College Hill Sundries, and is located in Greensboro, NC.

When I was spending all my money there, it was a beer bar.  They didn’t sell wine or liquor, just beer.  It was pretty shabby inside, with a fantastic line-up of eccentric regulars, and an incredible jukebox.  I used to drink Rolling Rock longnecks there, for $1.75 each, and I simply loved that place.

I hear it’s a little different now, but I don’t know.  I haven’t been back in almost ten years.

And that’ll be the second part of today’s Question:  What makes a perfect bar?  What must a quality drinkery offer, and what must it NOT offer?  Tell us about it in the comments.

And I won’t be able to update tomorrow, I’m afraid, but I’ll shoot for Friday.  So, I’ll see you guys then.

Have a great day!

Now playing in the bunker
Evil Twin t-shirts now only $13!

231 Responses to “The Perfect Time to Marry, the Perfect Place to Drink”

  1. Good Afternoon Surf Reporters!!

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  2. TwoTwoTwoTwoTwoTwoTwo

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  3. A couple dart boards, a couple pool tables, a dingy, dim atmosphere, and one possibly homeless guy at the end of the bar that gets all stabby when someone engages in douchebaggery. Perfect bar.

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  4. Must serve coke products for Rum and Coke none of that Pepsi crap.

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  5. Yeah, marriage age definitely depends on the person… I’m 30 now (and not yet married), and I couldn’t picture my 20-year-old self in a marriage. Even at my current age, I’m still getting the stupidity out of my system.

    Much like marriage age, I think “the perfect bar” also depends on the person… I’m happy with a hole-in-the-wall that serves only beer, and has a bunch of bar food on the menu. That’s why I love Moe’s & Joe’s here in Atlanta.

    But some people like sipping mimosas on an outdoor patio overlooking the park… fortunately, there’s more than one bar around. To each his own.

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    Jeff Reply:

    Moe’s and Joe’s, and Manuel’s Tavern were my two favorite bars in Atlanta, Jimbo. Both are very close to perfect, in my book.

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    Jimbo Reply:

    I love Manuel’s Tavern as well… it’s probably the only sit-down restaurant where I’ve actually ordered a hot dog. Hot dogs are generally reserved for cookouts and baseball games. But Manuel’s has that ginormous Dogzilla that you can get loaded with chili & the works. Awesome.

    Moe’s & Joe’s is great for the PBR special on Tuesdays… I think it’s officially $4.25 a pitcher, but the servers rarely put all of the pitchers on the bill. Numerous times I’ve gone in there with two friends, and together we’ll consume seven or eight pitchers. Between the beer, dinner, and the taxi ride home, we each spend about $20 or $25. Well worth it for the hazy memories.

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  6. Got married at 32, first kid at 36. Gald I didn’t meet the Boss o’ Me earlier; I know I would have screwed it up for sure. Bar must have jukebox with 80′s and old Tom Jones tunes and lots and lots of beer taps.

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  7. Must, must have ashtrays. And absolutely no rap shit on the jukebox.

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    Dave's not here, man Reply:

    Enjoy it while you can – it’s Illegal to smoke in bars in Ohio, looks like Michigan is next!

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    WB in OH Reply:

    A lot of bars in my area have said fukkit with the no smoking regs, these of course are the little shitholes most of us prefer anyway so it’s a win/win!

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    Bill in WV Reply:

    Can’t smoke in bars or bowling alleys in the county I live in either. What a sacrilege. I don’t even smoke, but used to love a smokey pool hall.

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  8. Hmmm, I’m 43 and still single so I’d have to guess 50 or 60 must be the perfect age to get married.

    What makes the perfect bar, this is a subject I’m a little more qualified on. Personally I like a place that is not overly crowded, overly loud or full of pretentious ass rabbits but hey that’s just me. When I go to a bar I may or may not want to engage in some conversation with the person next to me, If I do want to talk, I sure as fuck don’t want to try and talk over the goddamn juke box. Why can’t people drink without the fucking music at 95 fucking decibels? Obviously if the sign out front informs of the fact that they have live music, I wouldn’t expect a casual atmosphere.

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    Shiny Rod Reply:

    WB, by the time you get to 50, you won’t give a shit. I have given up on the thought. I actually enjoy the freedom to come and go as I please although, I don’t. There just isn’t to many places I wanna go that I haven’t already been done.

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    WB in OH Reply:

    50? HA! I quit giving a shit at 32, can’t live with’em, can’t shoot’em!* An old hunting guide I know used to say “if they didn’t have p#ssy on them, they’d have a bounty on them!”

    *Just kidding ladies, I would never wish any harm to the fairer sex.

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  9. The right time to get married is in the mid-afternoon (2:00 or 3:00pm) and the right time to have children is 5:30pm….or maybe I misunderstood the question.

    A good bar needs varied and well-selected music on its jukebox and cheap drinx. Build it with thos two crucial ingredients and the interesting people will come.

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  10. I was 30 when my son was born and 36 when I married. Oh, I see, that’s backwards. Ah, well–it worked out just right for me.

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    Jeff Reply:

    Good deal, Vicki! Being happy and fulfilled is the ultimate goal, and it sounds like you got there.

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    Carla Reply:

    I was 22 and 24 when I had my people and 28 when I got married. It was just never a priority, We were happier than all of our married friends so why mess up a good thing. But Military protocol is no benefits to the common law wife and no security clearance if you’re not a direct family member. So we drove to Eureka Springs on a Tuesday, Got married by a crank addict @ Judge Roy Bean’s Photography studio(where you dress up in goofy clothes), stopped at Cracker Barrel for lunch then we went home. He reported for deployment the next day.
    Two deployments later we are still going strong and happier than most of our married friends still.
    Living the dream…

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  11. I don’t like “bars” or clubs with loud ass music and flashing seizure lights going off. Other than that the people mostly make the bar. I’ve always wanted to open a bar but I’ve often wondered how it’s decided what kind of bar you’ll have. For example: biker bar, yuppie bar, gay bar, hipster bar, old folks bar, etc. Do you just have to go with whatever crowd stakes claim first? I mean, you can’t just decide up front. You can’t say:

    “Jason’s Place – For Motercycle Enthusiast.”
    or
    “Jason’s Tavern – Haven for Homosexers.”

    Can you? Because I’d hate to open an old folk’s bar and see it fill up with hipsters night after night.

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    dto Reply:

    You could try…”Jason’s Chez Midget”… (pronounce midget French-like).

    or…”Jason’s Midget Oasis”. You’d get your target customer base and (ahem) fans and would really enjoy yourself…I’m sure.

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    Shiny Rod Reply:

    Jason, the key is location, location, location! Oh, and Happy Birthday you old fart! 8 )

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    Melissa Reply:

    I think ‘Jason’s Cheese House’ sounds about right….Open for everyone!

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    Jason Reply:

    Thanks Shiny Rod.

    So you guys would take the cheese / midget fucking angle? Interesting.

    I saw this show on Discovery (or something) the other day where people had strange sexual desires. This one guy gets off on balloons. Popping them, blowing them up, rubbing them, etc. Turns out there’s a decent amount of people who get off on balloons out there. He went to a fetish party in New York and there were all these people in there squealing and grabbing their crotches whenever somone would inflate and pop a balloon. I wish it were that easy for me.

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    Shiny Rod Reply:

    Gives new meaning to “rubbing one off!”

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  12. I was 26 when I got married and 31 when we had our first crumb cruncher.

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  13. I guess my idea of the perfect bar is a laid-back atmosphere, multiple TV’s with a bunch of channel selections, a few pool tables and a satellite jukebox with thousands of choices, so I have my damn choice of what I want to hear, not what they think I want to hear. Oh, and they need to deal parlay cards for football betting too. That, and some hot regular chicks, just to have something to look at. The beer selection had better be good and they’d better have Crown Royal and Jaeger available for shots. And, good greasy bar food. I don’t ask for much.

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  14. Tennents Lager, McEwan’s 80, Deuchars IPA, Smirnoff Vodka, Bacardi Rum, at least those.
    Good tunes, and staff that care and don’t give a damn in equal measure.

    I’m working part time in a pub again while I’m at college. Its like riding a bike.
    Same shit, different decade!

    I always turn the TV’s off when I come on shift. Its anti-social. I also apply the ‘no texting at the bar’ rule.

    I wear a white apron. I don’t serve tea or coffee.
    The only cocktail I’ll serve is a ‘Rusty Nail’.

    I guess I ‘don’t give a damn’ more than ‘caring’ this time round!

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  15. Married at 21, 1st kid at 21. Makes one grow up instantly. Still in college, classes during the day, stocking shelves in a K-Mart at night.

    Don’t regret a bit of it.

    Now I’ll be 44 in a couple of weeks, the oldest is out of the house and on his own, the other youngling is 17 and almost ready to go.

    I figure that the wife and I will still have another life leftover to enjoy by ourselves.

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    Henderson Reply:

    Awwwwwwww………

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  16. I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 8 years and there is no plan for marriage. I’m not big on the institution of it. We’re doing just fine the way we are and even if a kidling popped out my stance wouldn’t change. We’re both not religious and both fairly anti-government so there’s no reason on either side for us to get the paper. When people say ‘But it’s to declare your commitment to each other’ we’re kind of baffled. We live together, have a house together, have two dogs and pay our bills. I’m pretty sure our families and friends know we’re as “committed” as the married ones are.
    But looking around at society, I’d agree that marriage should happen only after age 30. In most cases I think couples should listen to those around them because they could probably save a lot of money and heartache in the end if they’d take other people’s advice.

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    Brittney Reply:

    That sounds just like our situation, except we have 2 cats. My boyfriend and I don’t believe that we need a peice of paper to prove our commitment either.

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  17. I met my husband when we were in our teens, got married when we were in our early 20′s. We had most of our wild years together and boy did we have fun! We had our first and only child when I was 27 we had been together 9 years and were ready. We moved from PA to the West Coast for 7 years and never really felt at home there. Moved back east to New England 3 years ago and love it here. I think you are right, things sometimes happen at the right time and for the right reasons.

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  18. I got married when I was 22 and divorced when I was 23. So I have to agree that marriage in your 20′s is a bad idea. I’m 32 now and engaged but probably won’t get married until I’m almost 34. Hopefully this one works out better, only time will tell. Although, I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not the marrying kind. But I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I never got to enjoy my formative years to the full extent. You definitely need to live your own life and discover who you are as an individual before getting married.

    Perfect bar should have alcohol and some live music on the weekends and not be full of college kids.

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  19. I have been married three times…. which proved Jeff’s point that people shouldn’t get married before 30. The first time I was 21 and it was to (GET THIS) a Santeria priest that I met while studying abroad. Which makes Paul Simon an idiot, I suppose LOL because living abroad compounded my problems. No kids from that one praise God.

    Then I was dumb enough to do it again at 25 – not to some other nutjob but to a linecook at a restaurant where I was managing. Only we had our kids first. He got fired and laid on the couch for four years – so much that he quite literally fell out of the back of the couch one day. DOH!

    So yeah, that didn’t work out so well for me. I should have been locked up so I could manage not to attach myself to each and every whackjob that came my way.

    Now I am 33 and I am married again. This time it is right. And we just had a new baby and I feel now that I am definitely a better, more stable person, a more sensitive wife, and have improved 1000% on the parenting skills. I even have a house and a good job. Now it occurs to me that all of that (the house, job, etc) should have come before the kids and multiple ex husbands.

    But whatever.

    The perfect bar is not too loud or smoky but have a seemingly endless array of beer on tap from the cheap to the microbrew. At reasonable prices. Oh yes, and good wings.

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  20. LISTEN UP! The voice of experience is speaking….

    First marriage at 18. All about regular and relatively cheap sex. Sexual attraction fades, mortgages are forever.

    Second marriage at 33, first kid at 35. Still had not traveled nor had enough money to sow my wild oats correctly. Strippers and Harleys aren’t cheap and child support is forever.

    Third marriage at 41. Three Harleys in the garage, pre-nup thicker than a West Virginia phone book, lived abroad for 3 years, realized strippers such your money and emotions more than anything else. Second kid at 45, third at 47. I’m finally happy.

    The perfect bar is the one that put up with your crap when you were 18, put up with your girlfriends when you were 40, and now keeps an eye on your two year old while you catch a little of the game on Sunday.

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  21. My wife and I married when we were 20. We illegally drank booze at our own reception.
    By then I had already spent over a year living in various other countries.

    I don’t have time to fuck around dedicating and entire decade to nothing but aimlessly screwing around. I plan on retiring at about 45, so I need to keep up the current pace.

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  22. First, married at 23, still married at 54. Kids born when I was 26 and 33.

    Perfect bar: must smell of stale beer and cigarettes; must have a pool table; must have good tunes on the box; loose women a plus; a good fight once a week; must be open at 10 AM; must tolerate drug use on premises. This place actually used to exist, and was a five-minute walk (stumble) from my childhood home.

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  23. I was 25 and the Evil Twin Twin was 34 when we got married (17 years ago, in 10 days!). I had fertility issues, so our 1st was born a few months before my 30th bday and the 2nd was born a few months before my 38th bday. Most of the Evil Twins ‘ classmates are grandparents now and we don’t even have one in college. The Evil Twin is now 51 with a 12 yr old and a 4 yr old. :-)

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  24. The perfect bar has a bar that doesn’t force your back to the crowd, but also doesn’t make it possible for everyone to see your sullen drunk face. It has domestic bottles for no more than $2 a pop, and trash pitchers (Pabst and Schlitz) for no more than $4 a piece. Any brewery within 100 miles of the bar must have its beers on tap at the bar. The bar has to have cool things on the wall to look at, but not all clutterfucked like a damn Hard Rock Cafe. It sure as shit isn’t louder than a jet engine, but the ambient noise provided by the 4 TV’s playing sports is enough to cancel any uncomfortable silence and allows whispers to be heard only by those to whom they are directed.

    And most importantly, the perfect bar needs a bar tender who works. I know tending is a serious gig, but there must be a hustling young man or woman doing nothing but filling glasses with booze. They don’t need to spend their time waiting tables, or making soft drinks, or cleaning glasses (unless it’s a slow day). The bartender must pay attention to the people at the bar by being proactive. Once a person gets down to a 1/3 of a glass left of whatever they are drinking, the bar tender must offer another. They can’t let the waitresses wait for their table order, but the privilege of sitting at the bar gives bar stool sitter the priority.

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  25. Perfect bar?

    …where everybody knows your name….and they’re always glad you came…..

    Cheesy, I know. Sorry.

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  26. I think I probably spent too much time sowing my wild oats. I’m now 51, and I have a 12 year-old and a 4 year-old. By the time my youngest graduates from High School I will have been dead for 10 years. I guess I really don’t regret the delay in marriage and family, because had things been different my children and I would be much different people. I wouldn’t want my kids to be anyone other than who they are and, even though I’m sure I could use a few “improvements” myself, I’m happy it all happened like it did. I’m much better prepared for being a dad now than I was in my 20s or even 30s. My kids are the center of my universe, and as selfish as I sometimes was in my youth, I probably wouldn’t have made the same room for them in my life. That’s a tough thing to admit, but it’s true. I’m also a firm believer in living with someone before marriage, co-existing is a pretty difficult thing to manage sometimes.

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    Tino Reply:

    Sounds like good advice to me.

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  27. The perfect bar must have a jukebox stocked with lots of blues (and I mean REAL Blues, no Clapton whiteboy reconstituted watered-down blues-”ish” crap), a friendly waitstaff, a full line of domestic and import beers, bigassed bouncers who do not tolerate shit from anyone, comfortable atmosphere with lounge areas if one wants to get away from the noise, mandatory smoking (it’s a FUCKING BAR fer chrissakes!), a good-sized sound system, clean, spacious bathrooms and an actual parking lot so you don’t have to park 23 blocks away in Crack Alley. Oh, and female patrons are forbidden to wear bras.

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    t-storm Reply:

    I gotta say I agree with the blues statement. I hate the blues, but the blues I hate are the shit that you are talking about.
    Give me some RL Burnside any day.

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    The Evil Twin Reply:

    Burnside’s got Blues credentials over, under and sideways. I own a copy of everything he’s ever recorded. Have you ever heard his first three records? It’s like the ghost of Elmore James! I’m not sure I get your point. Are you saying that you don’t like early authentic blues? Even though guys like R.L., Junior Kimbrough (RIP) and T Model Ford are making more contemporary blues sounds, no one would argue that they don’t play real blues.

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    t-storm Reply:

    Ah, what I was trying to say is I don’t like the white guy blues. There’s a blues club here called the biting sow which might as well be called Vaughn’s.

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    The Evil Twin Reply:

    Well, I’m with you on that one, t-storm. I do love Stevie Ray Vaughan, because I think he was an incredible guitar player and he did play a lot of great blues standards, but I always cringe when I read a review or mention of guys like The Fabulous Thunderbirds or some other R&B combo or, for that matter, any bozo who happens to wear dark sunglasses, as “blues” musicians, when the closest they ever get is tepid R&B doddling. Clapton, while being an extremely talented musician, is the one guy, imo, who has been the worst culprit for playing slick, homogenized whiteboy blues that feels completely devoid of soul. Hell, B.B.King is also guilty of that to a great extent, but he’s probably done more than any other artist to spread the popularity of blues music to the general public, and he has had a distinguished musical past, so I’ll cut him a break. But, in some ways I’m a total hypocritical asshole (surprise, eh?) because I do still love some of the old british white guys like the Groundhogs, Mike Bloomfield, Charley Musslewhite, Alexis Korner, etc. and on top of that I’m a huge Rory Gallgher fan; so I guess I don’t have much room to talk!

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    t-storm Reply:

    I think we all are in some way.

    Some of it just gets very very old. I see lots of bands (not as many as I’d like or used to) and too many of them play the same damn shit. In Oklahoma City you can be gauranteed to here Santeria, Folsom Prison Blues* nightly. And if I hear Wagon Wheel one more time I’m punching Gillian Whelch in the dick.

    As for the blues in this town I can hear the same set for a year straight at any given bar. I’d rather listen to the homeless guy on the corner with his homemade (is that possible) amp and a stolen kaosillator.

    Same token, I would never say I’m a country fan but I do love me some of what these kids call “alt-country” (Bottle Rockets, Son Volt, Two Cow Garage, 500 Miles to Memphis, Slobberbone), and anything written before 1970 is usually pretty damn good (Roger Miller, Tom T Hall, Hank, etc). But Toby Keith can lick Gillian Welch’s dick for all I care.

    * Love Johnny Cash, hate people covering FPB.

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    The Evil Twin Reply:

    Yep – I dig some of the so-called alt-country as well. Love Son Volt and Bottle Rockets, too. I sort of got there through semi-related sounding stuff like Cracker, Old 97s, Supersuckers and the like, but I’m still not that up on it. I’m so out of touch that bands like Green On Red and The Pontiac Brothers are still alt-country to me! I love old, classic country, but can’t really stomach much as what passes for contemporary country these days. I think the last real country record I truly loved was Dwight Yoakam’s first LP. I grew up listening to JC, because my best friend had nearly every damned disc (still does) and my grandmother was in every major mailorder record club in existence, and she NEVER sent back the month selections, so every time I visited I had a nice stack of country records still in the shrinkwwrap to open and play. I didn’t know who half of them were, but I’d spin ‘em and see if I liked it – I got a real edjamakashun listening to old country like Charley Pride, Bill Anderson, Charlie Rich, Dave Dudley, Jerry Reed, Merle Haggard, George Jones, et al. I was a lucky in kid in a lot of ways.
    Have you heard many of the bands on the Bloodshot label? Bobby Bare, Jr., Waco Brothers, Split-Lip Rayfield, Deadstring Brothers, Wayne Hancock, Jon Langford, etc. I love that stuff!!!

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    The Evil Twin Reply:

    Almost forgot the real shit – WHISKEY DAREDEVILS – Yeah, bay-bee!!!

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    t-storm Reply:

    I don’t know them but have wanted to check them out for a while. I’ve missed them every time I’ve been in Cleveland lately.

    The Legendary Shack Shakers are pretty awesome, too. I’m friends with the drummer (not best friends or anything, but if I ran into him I could walk up and have a convo). His brother is the drummer for The Saps from Chicago who are one of the most intense bands out there.

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    Dave's not here, man Reply:

    heh, reminds me of a joke. You can substitute the musicians and it’s just as funny…

    Eric Clapton and Jerry Garcia are walking down the street together when suddenly an angel appers before them.

    “I’m here to take you both to heaven, but I will grant you one last request before you go,” the angel tells them.

    Jerry Garcia thinks for a minute, then says, “I just want a guitar so I can play Truckin’ one last time.”

    The angel nods, and asks Clapton what he would like.

    Eric Clapton says, “I wish you would just kill me now so I don’t have to listen to that fucking song one more time!”

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  28. The perfect bar: …a selection of over 200 beers and more that 80 on tap. Great bar food and some of the hotest beer goddesses on the Earth. Ok, I’m being a WeissAss!

    http://www.beerknurd.com/stores/raleigh/

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    WB in OH Reply:

    Yep, that’s winner SR, I saw a Chimay sign hanging up!

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    chill Reply:

    And Duvel, and Delirium Tremens… but no Weihenstephaner Hefe. Still, it’s a hell of an impressive beer list. That they have *two* Ommegang products on tap is amazingly good by itself. And I like the way the domain name is spelled; back in college, pre-Internet, “knurd” was so spelled because it’s the opposite of “drunk”.
    .

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  29. 28 when I got married, 28 for the first kid.

    Yeah…one of those.

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  30. I’ve been with Ben now for over 3 years. I’m 24 and he is 23 and we’ve decided that we aren’t going to get married anytime soon, at least 5-6 more years. We have a house together, we’re definitely compatable together. We compliment each other, I’m the Robin to his Batman, and that’s all that matters to us right now. Not to mention that we are not financially ready to have a wedding anyway. I’ve seen too many people my age run off and get married and it be over within a year or less. So all that money and effort to be wasted. A few of them with a kid too. I find it completely unnecessary to even potentially set myself up for stress like that. We are content, happy and having fun and I find no reason to rush into it. I also don’t plan on having kids either. Not anytime soon anyway. We’ve often talked about being two old hippies living out in the country with 20 cats and a golf cart we can drive around the country and drink in it. I can only dream. Haha.

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    Bill in NC Reply:

    “two old hippies living out in the country with 20 cats and a golf cart”

    I get the 20 cats but no self respecting hippie owns a golf cart.

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    Brittney Reply:

    Hm…what about elderly couple?

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    Bill in NC Reply:

    They walk barefoot. If they want a golf-cart they move to Sun City and no longer declare themselves hippies.

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    Jenny Piccalo Reply:

    The young “new hippies” are not really hippies. They are what the 90s skater punks were to punk. Not true punks. The new hippies are into the music and drug/drinking but not really hippie ideals . I have a friend who is a new hippie he followed phish for years. Goes to rainbow gatherings . Then he goes to the mall and shops at Old Navy and eats at TGIFridays and i just roll my eyes. Just wish they would come up with a new term to call themselves.

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    Brittney Reply:

    Oh jeez…

    [Reply]

    Jenny Piccalo Reply:

    Sorry I was not intending to slam YOU personally. I just agree with what I think Bill was saying. I’m just a purist when it comes to Hippie or Punk . I guess that means I am just old. LOL ….but I do wish the “second time around ” folks would find something new to refer to themselves as.

    [Reply]

  31. Ok…My first marriage, I was in my 20′s. Married for 5 years, together for 8. Found out what a ladies man he was. I left when I found out he had had a “girlfriend” for over a year. This guy would lie just to lie. About anything.

    A year later, I moved in with my boyfriend and were together for 10 years, but never married. The relationship was a struggle and way to much work…from every angle. But for some dumb-ass reason I stuck in there. Finally, I turned 40 and said to myself “WTF are you doing??” I can do much better than this worthless dickbeater.

    Six months later I began dating my now late husband, Rob. That’s when I became “bikerchick” and had some of the best times and laughs in my life. He introduced me to the best circle of friends I have ever met. They are the one’s that took care of me when he died…which, in fact, was 3 years ago TODAY. We were in Daytona for Biketoberfest. He died in his sleep the last night we were there. Heart disease. 40 years old. Go figure.

    I am now with my very young boyfriend, 31, who was actually in that “circle of friends” I mentioned. It was very unexpected. But now I can honestly say, at 47, this is the happiest I’ve ever been. I am a little gun shy at marriage. But eventually I would do it again.

    It is true, though. Your 20′s are a time to explore. In your 30′s you start to realize “who” you are. When you reach your 40′s you just don’t give a shit about what people think. For women, before committing to a marriage I just think that you should have your own money and your own friends. Because if anything happens and you find yourself on your own again you can be self-sufficient. Your friends will help you through eveything else.

    [Reply]

    Bill in WV Reply:

    Great post chick and my deep sorrow for you on the anniversary of your sudden loss.

    [Reply]

    Melissa Reply:

    I will be hoisting my wine glass at dinner to your hubby, Bikerchick. Much love!

    [Reply]

    Mark0510 Reply:

    Touching post, I admire your strength.

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    Good post! So sorry about your late husband.

    [Reply]

    m Reply:

    That is truly awful, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you found more happiness.

    [Reply]

    hot fuzz Reply:

    *hugs bikerchick* and then *says something to make her smile*

    [Reply]

    bikerchick Reply:

    xoxoxoxo to you all.

    [Reply]

    Tammie Reply:

    I hadn’t had a chance to read all the comments until this morning and I just have to tell you what an incredible woman you are.
    I’m happy you’ve been able to move forward and find someone to be with after such a tragedy. I can’t imagine the pain you’ve been through. (HUGS)

    [Reply]

    Gretchen Reply:

    Yeah, Bickerchick kicks ass! You too, Tammie. Wish I was as resilient as both you gals.

    [Reply]

    bikerchick Reply:

    Gretchen: You are stronger than you think!

    [Reply]

    bikerchick Reply:

    Tammie: Thank you for your hugs! It’s hard to imagine moving forward while coping with a life altering incident. But you do. Even though it seems like an impossible task. You did the same, actually. So (HUGS) right back at ya!

    [Reply]

    hot fuzz Reply:

    To all the women with a story to tell – Tammy, bikerchick, Brit and the ones with a story but no way to tell it… big brotherly bear hugs. Next time I find a glass in hand, I shall raise a toast to the brave and beautify women of WVSR. God bless all of you.

    We’ve got our own story happening up here with the Base Commander in Trenton. So shocking and so sad. The anger it brings out in men is purely directed at cowards like that and it’s just the frustration at not being able to protect, bubbling to the top.

    Much love my sisters from other misters…

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    Thanks Hot!

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    And also, thanks for not hating on me for apparently misusing the word hippie. God forbid somebody misuses a word on the surf report!

    Fuzz-I’ve often thought of how awesome it would be to raise a glass with everyone on here.

    [Reply]

  32. The perfect time for marriage is when your parents arrange for you to have a spouse.

    You will have kids when Hanuman decides it is the right time for you.

    Respect private property and keep hydrated.

    [Reply]

  33. Married at 26 and that ended abruptly two years later when she decided I wasn’t the one for her. Met someone and dated/lived together for nearly 8 years, until finding out she was banging a co-worker. Fuk dat. Now, at 47, am with a wonderful woman who has been shit on during her married life and I hope and pray she’s the one.

    [Reply]

  34. The perfect time for marriage is immediately preceded by too much time at the perfect bar.

    [Reply]

  35. The perfect bar is one where the staff or other customers will drive you and your car home when you get shitfaced, so you don’t get a DUI. I used to go to one of those bars. Now, I’m outta the bar scene. Too risky. They can’t arrest you in your basement.

    [Reply]

    chill Reply:

    Sure they can – just not for DUI. But take heart; new crimes are being manufactured every day!
    .

    [Reply]

    Bill in WV Reply:

    Here, here for the basement thing. I built a bar in my basement about 4 years ago and don’t really miss the bar scene at all since then. Oh, I still like to go over to the neighborhood shithole once in a while, since my buddies still frequent there, but not nearly as much. Being a stay-at-home drunk is MUCH smarter.

    [Reply]

    Greg Reply:

    Yea, Bill, I learned that the hard way, but I had a good lawyer who beat the DMV charge. (It’s hard to beat the civil charge.) So, I didn’t have to take the local mental health center “re-education” course. But your last sentence is so right. I know I’m gonna drink, so I do it at home. My friends will always be my friends. We just don’t meet at bars anymore.

    Chill, you’re so right!

    [Reply]

  36. I got married at 17. It was way too young but I was trying to escape my life for a calmer and more stable one. He was good to me for a year and then living with him became more of an abusive nightmare than the one I’d left.
    Stayed with him for 6 years, for the sake of our daughter but finally got the courage to leave when he pushed me down the stairs and almost broke my neck. I figured leaving was better than dying and I couldn’t do what was best for my daughter if I was dead.
    I met Mr.Man and after 3 months he asked me to marry him. I was 24 and absolutely terrified. I bawled my head off for an hour before the wedding but decided to take a chance on love. 20 years later we are still married, very much in love and have three children together.
    It hasn’t been easy sometimes and we’ve been through a lot together but after surviving the first 23 years of my life I guess you could say that I’ve grown to learn what is worth fighting over and what should be overlooked.
    Give Mr.Man a medal for putting up with me for that long!!!

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    I was in a really abusive relationship too when I was 18. Got punched in the face so hard with a tupperware cup that I had a clean rip from the top of my lip to the bottom of my nose. I had to get 11 stiches on the outside and 9 in the inside. Right after he did it, he pushed me down and broke one of my fingers, had to get 4 stiches there.

    Karma’s a bitch though because when he asked the girl he was cheating on me with to marry him 6 months after we broke up, she cheated on him 6 months later with his best friend. He ended up getting a DUI, has a warrant for his arrest in this county for domestic battery (with her), and is still living with mom at 28 years old and she’s pregnant with some other dudes baby.

    I hate even admitting I dated that shmuck.

    [Reply]

    Bill in WV Reply:

    Goddamn bastards!! I hate cowards who hit women. Just fucking walk away if you are not happy with your situation. Sorry to hear what he put you through. Sounds like karma is a big ‘ol harry bitch !!

    [Reply]

    Bill in WV Reply:

    Well, hairy anyway.

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    Yeah it was a horrible situation. I regret it every day that I did not choose to press charges on him because I could have had that fucker put away for a few years for that and all the other shit he did (and drugs he always had on him), or at the very least a few months! But I’m happy that nature played it’s course and he got what he deserved. He may have not gotten stiches in his lip, but I think being a 28 year old loser living with mom and watching the ‘girl of your dreams’ cheat on you and get pregnant with another guy’s baby is a pretty good punishment. Whereas I moved on, found a great guy, moved out of the parents house, got a new car and am living a whole new life. Suck it asshole!

    [Reply]

    Valentin Reply:

    Fuck any loser who beats a woman. I always get this feeling of wanting to kick somebodys ass whenever I read or hear a story of an abuser. Fucking punch their face in.

    [Reply]

  37. Damn Tammie, but good for you at the same time.

    My perfect bar closed in 2006. Frederick’s Music Lounge in St. Louis. Good live music, great juke box, eccentric owner, possibly more eccentric regulars, cheap beer, hot bartenders.

    That bar cost me one job but got me 2 more, allowed me to get on stage and be a douche, and allowed me to meet some of the finer people I’ve ever known and/or had relations with.

    [Reply]

  38. I got married at 24, two weeks after my college graduation, and I think that was a great age for me. I’m not that wild, so I didn’t have many wild oats to sow. We’re still together, and we’re pretty happy. I had my first and only child at age 36. That was definitely not the ideal age. I hate to think of what he’ll have to deal with, due to having elderly parents, in a relatively short amount of time. I put off having kids for grad school and work, and then I dealt with infertility. I hate that he’ll probably never have siblings. I wish we could have had him much earlier in life, but it wasn’t possible.

    [Reply]

    m Reply:

    I’m watching Sister Wives on TLC, and I guess he’s decided that any age is the best age to marry or procreate. If it wasn’t the perfect age with Wife #1, try out another age with # 3 or # 4.

    [Reply]

    Jason Reply:

    I think the husband is a stupid tool. He reminds me of the guy opposite Jim Carey in “Dumb and Dumber”. He’s just a fucking goof ball.

    [Reply]

  39. Side note, sort of. Has to do with other countries.

    Does anyone think that France is a big bunch of pussies because they may not be able to retire until they’re 62?
    I mean, a 35 hr work week, 1 month of vacay a year and now retire at 62, tough life.

    [Reply]

  40. France is a bunch of pussies because they’re French, period.

    [Reply]

  41. Things a bar must not offer:

    Open mic poetry night
    Bartenders wearing “flare”
    A “No Hats” ploicy
    A drink menu
    Shots measured from “the gun”
    A cheese platter that includes brie
    Food that requires utnesiles

    Should have:

    A kitchen that makes killer Chicago stlye pizza and kick your ass burgers and onion rings
    Peanut shells on the floor…(good for two steppin”)
    “Ladies Drink Free with FMPs” night
    An old school bartender who holds the shot glass over the drink while pouring, lets it run over for about two seconds and then might add a splash.
    Pool tables, fooseball optional if there’s room.
    Coors and not just Coors lite. I like a speciality beer but I drink Coors.

    [Reply]

    T. Farty McAppleass Reply:

    Been trying to figure out what “FMPs” stands for…..

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    Anybody….?

    [Reply]

    t-storm Reply:

    Female to Male Patrons.

    I won’t be going to said bar.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    Nope…Fuck Me Pumps…..

    [Reply]

    T. Farty McAppleass Reply:

    Fuck me pumps. Of course. That’s a good rule. I’m sofucking sick of seeing flip-flops that I could puke.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    That’s bikerchick’s phrase, not mine, and a proud wearer of such so I’ve heard. I like it a lot.

    [Reply]

    bikerchick Reply:

    Thanks dto! Yep..I confess…it’s mine. FMP’s have been around since Hector was a pup. Add a 2 inch platform on them and you have a party. ha.

    [Reply]

  42. Married at 24, 1st and only child at 29.

    I will be the first to admit that I was FAR too young to get married. I really should have waited until I was 30; I was his “Walk on the wild side”. [We have now been married for 15 years...]

    I used to work at the perfect bar – “The Filling Station” in Parkersburg, WV.

    [Reply]

    Greg Reply:

    Being from Parkersburg, I spent some time at The Filling Station.

    [Reply]

    renn Reply:

    If you were there around 16 years ago, I was one of your bartenders.

    [Reply]

    Greg Reply:

    Quite possible. I used to come in with a guy named Dave Chittum, Called Chitty. Remember him?

    [Reply]

    Greg Reply:

    I think he ended up marrying a bartender from there, but it didn’t last more than a couple years, or so.

    [Reply]

    renn Reply:

    That depends. I knew most patrons by how they dressed or what they did. There was Drunk Wheelchair Guy, Leather Trench Coat, Sambuca James, Toast, the guy that ALWAYS sang the same song on Karaoke Night (“Oh, What a Night”) and a bunch of CSXers.

    Which were you?

    [Reply]

    Greg Reply:

    I never went there enough to earn a title. I would just have a beer or two, then usually end up at The Hill House, because it was closer to my house. The bartender I was thinking of was named Cindy.

    [Reply]

    renn Reply:

    Was she the wild redhead [with long, curly hair]? Or was she the waitress/bartender[with bleach blond hair] that quit to go on tour with Jimmy Buffett, taking her hippie child with her?

    [Reply]

    Greg Reply:

    Sorry, can’t help ya. I do know that she and Dave never had any kids, and she didn’t bring any kids into the marriage. I know they got a divorce because he found out she was cheating on him.

    [Reply]

    Bill in WV Reply:

    “Or was she the waitress/bartender[with bleach blond hair] that quit to go on tour with Jimmy Buffett, taking her hippie child with her?”

    LMFAO !!

    [Reply]

  43. Married at 18, while in the Air force, baby 9mos later, then he died from SIDS 4 mos later, marriage in the garbage within the year..
    Marriage number 2 about 4 yrs later, no kids(cant have any now) divorced in 2007 because i couldn’t take the yelling and hitting anymore..

    Now i’ve been single for 3 years and enjoying being single.. I’m still young at 41 and never want to marry again.. I’ve learned alot in the past 23 years about what I want (and don’t want)..

    [Reply]

    bikerchick Reply:

    Bittersweet, Lori. Can’t imagine the loss of a child. Glad to hear your doing better.

    [Reply]

    Lori in Cbus Reply:

    Thanks BikerChick.. It took a very long time but I’m at peace with it now..
    ;)

    [Reply]

  44. It’s beginning to sound like the best time to get married is never.

    No kids, never married.

    My brother got married (eloped) at 21. That marriage lasted about a year and gave me my first nephew.
    He got remarried at 25 and now has 3 new ones, 3, 1.5, and .25. This one seems solid. I don’t always see eye to eye with her but he seems dumb and happy so good for him.

    Current (I think) girl got married in 2005 at 29 or so, had a kid in 2008. They moved back to Cleveland in 2009 and he promptly started dating a 25 yr old bitch from Parma.
    She just got the big D so now I’m catching shit. Fuck me in the goat ass.

    [Reply]

  45. Married at 24, 1st child at 31. Celebrated 25th anniversary last week. Not sure how or why she puts up with me.

    Perfect bar is (was) the Phoenix in Fords, NJ. Served me and my 17 year old buddies when the drinking age was 18, draft beer for fifty cents a glass, great potato pancakes at the bar, no juke-box and 2 ever-present old sisters (or lesbian couple, not sure) seated in the same stools at at the end of the bar every night, without fail.

    [Reply]

  46. Married @ 38, had kids at 40 and 46. Sometimes I wonder how it will all work out, but then I think about looking at all the hot, young moms in my kids’ classes. I think I’ll appreciate it more as a dirty old man.

    Best Bar…no windows…must not be able to tell if it’s daytime. Bartenders who fill ‘em up as soon as they’re empty. Think the Own Lee Place Jeff.

    [Reply]

  47. I can’t offer good advice on the marriage topic. I was probably too young when I got married, and my bride was definitely too young. We get along much better since divorcing, lo these 14 years ago. It also helps that we no longer live in the same country.

    The perfect bar MUST have:
    – an indoor smoking section
    – a variety of good beer; doesn’t have to be a huge number, but must be well chosen
    – a few good single-malts for when I’m in the mood; say a Highland, an Islay and a Speyside
    – friendly, attentive staff
    – conversation-worthy fellow patrons
    – decent food; pub grub is welcome
    – reasonable prices
    – for total perfection, it would be within staggering distance from my house
    The perfect bar MUST NOT have:
    – too much artificial noise (TVs, etc.)
    – karaoke night
    – trendy cocktails (foo-foo martinis and so forth) at the expense of good beer

    “Live music” usually (but not always) means “here is some shitty music that’s way too loud”.

    @ITE, if I can only have one cocktail, a Rusty Nail is an excellent choice. In that case I’d add a fourth whisky to the above lineup, as an RN ingredient.
    .

    [Reply]

  48. i HATE THE SAME SONG KARAOKE GUY/GAL.

    Sorry about the caps folks. Work shit.

    The perfect bar would have karaoke but it would also have a giant gong and/or a taser connected to the mic.

    [Reply]

    Bomama Reply:

    Awesome. Karaoke gives me full body hives.

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    There’s a little bar/bowling alley in town that we go too once in awhile, but we steer clear of it during girls softball season. There is about 14 butch lesbians in there all karaoking to Kid Rock and ACDC, it’s excrutiating to watch. The butchest girl of them all (roughly the size of a gorilla with men’s camo shorts and a vneck) even tried to sing a ‘screamo’ song one time. Karaoke is bad.

    [Reply]

  49. The bartender’s name was Steve but most regulars knew him as Scattershot due to his propensity for bedding the female clientele. Over the years the name was shortened to Scatter and that seemed to stick. Scatter was a good bartender as well as a hit with the ladies, serving a big drink and knowing when to listen to you bitch and when to walk away and leave you to ponder your place in the universe at the bottom of a pilsner glass.

    I was in my usual place at the end of the bar close to the stick so I could talk to Betty the waitress as she waited for her drink orders. When I walked in Scatter had looked up from wiping down the bar and set my drink in my spot. Three fingers of George Dickel and a beer back. Betty smiled her crooked smile and gave me a hug as I eased onto the stool.

    Betty and I had hooked up a couple years back and for a while it had been good but then like so many others we discovered we had trouble carrying our own baggage let alone that of another. But we had remained good friends.

    The bar was fairly busy for a Thursday. A few regulars dotted around the place, A couple of truck drivers I knew were playing eight ball, the felt a pool of brilliant green in the light from a hammered metal shade. A well dressed couple huddled in a back booth seemed out of place but too much into each other to care. A few young guys, jocks from the local college by the looks of them, played pinball in the back room. Shame about the couple in the corner, really. If they had been more alert they might not have died so soon.

    to be continued…

    [Reply]

  50. As a man who has yet to marry, but been through a long term thing…I’ll say: wait to marry until the other person has gone through their crazy-I-need-a-change-phase. That definitely happens post-30.

    [Reply]

  51. Any marriage by anyone in their 20′s should have a mandatory end date. You could always remarry them, but nobody would.

    Best time for 2nd marriage: never.

    And a great bar should have a gravel parking lot so you can make a grand exit with tires spinning, car fishtailing, gravel flying and laying rubber as you hit the pavement. in front of the town cop.

    – Steve

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    Parking lot reminds me of a song!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZCytbDEtks&feature=related

    [Reply]

  52. The perfect bar should have a jukebox that plays 45′s, and not CDs.

    I was in a long term, long distance relationship throughout most of my 20s, and at the time I thought he was “the one.” I was devasted when it ended, but spent the next few years making up for lost time.

    After a near-fatal auto accident I started thinking about where my life was headed. I decided to go back to school at age 30 to get my teaching degree. One of the classes I took was an elective course on the history of film, and that’s where I met the guy who would eventually become my husband. We were living together within 6 months, and married 5 years later. Next week will be our 11th anniversary, so I think it worked out okay. We both knew from the start that we didn’t want any kids, so that was never an issue.

    [Reply]

    Bill in WV Reply:

    I like the 45′s to CD thing too, but after discovering Satellite Jukebox, there’s no going back. Throw that $1 in and override every other song on the play list with Mustang Sally. Fuck ‘em scumbag !!

    [Reply]

  53. Never got around to actually getting married, but I’ve been in a stable relationship for the last 23 years.
    I always figured that I’d get married if I wanted to have kids, but that day never arrived, thank you sweet baby jeebus. My 2 younger siblings had other ideas, they’ve run up 5 weddings total so far, but I do like being an uncle. I just feel a little short changed, party, family get together, and swag wise… probably just a reaction to going to my kid sister’s 3′rd wedding a couple of weeks ago. I forgot to get them a gift, but wish them well. What is the protocol here? I’m not a rich man…not poor, but what level of swag is appropriate for wedding #3? I took the time off work, made the trip, rented the room, paid for drinks, but couldn’t bring myself to stuff an envelope, again.

    [Reply]

  54. Was engaged to a disaster of a boy at around age 20. The thinking was that it would be a suitable escape from my less than tolerable living situation at that time. Luckily I eventually came to my senses and pulled back from the abyss before it was too late. Then I spent a good portion of my 20s working, traveling overseas, and generally sowing my wild oats. Found a nice stable guy in grad school and was married at age 27. Absolutely perfect age for me. I don’t generally advocate marrying before 25. So here’s another “Amen!” for Jeff.

    [Reply]

  55. My story is so messed up, I don’t even want to tell it. But I am firmly in the camp of don’t get married at all, and if you must, wait until your 30′s.

    [Reply]

  56. Forgot part II: the perfect bar…

    It stinks like stale beer, vomit, piss and cigarettes, serves *cans* of beer for $1 and change, old school jukebox with Johnny Thunders and Waylon Jennings sharing space, .50 cent pool table, a couple booths (boofs), dimly lit, as ~Steve up there mentioned: a gravel parking lot, beef jerky and pickled eggs as the only available food for purchase, and most importantly — a bartender willing to do a lock-in after hours for the people not ready to go home when the state thinks that they should. I am lucky enough to know of more than a few places like this.

    [Reply]

  57. Love at first sight with my hubby at 13! Married at 19, First kid at 20. Still married and still in love! Three grown kids and not even 50 yet. I tell them to knock when they come over – we may be swinging from the chandelier!

    [Reply]

    Jenny Piccalo Reply:

    Christ I am glad someone has a nice story to tell ! Thanks for the pick me up !!!

    [Reply]

  58. I think I hit just about every dive bar in San Francisco in the 80′s. If you don’t get food poisoning from their free buffet, it isn’t worth it. I can’t stand polished-up fern bars, I don’t know why, I just feel weird in them. Too civilized?

    I married at 34, had my first kid at 36, and my second at 38. So shortly after the kids are out of college, I’ll be in my robe on the porch, yelling at cars. I’m sure they’re looking forward to visits…

    I can’t see myself marrying when I was in my 20′s at all, though my parents did. When I turned 30, I declared my oats sufficiently sown, and decided it was time for me to start dating guys I could take seriously, rather than the disposables I was used to. I met my forever guy two months later, so weird though it was, it worked out. I tell my kids to wait until they’re 30 and have seen something of the world. Weird, I didn’t know Paul Simon said that, but I think it’s right on.

    [Reply]

    Dave's not here, man Reply:

    Married at 20, kids at 23, 25, and 27. Just celebrated our 20th anniversary, and I have never ever felt any need to wander or sow any wild oats.

    There is no right age to marry – that’s like saying what is the right age to mature? Depends on the person.

    [Reply]

    Dave's not here, man Reply:

    Dammit, I did not mean to use the reply. This think is the work of the devil!!!

    [Reply]

  59. I had my first kid at 19 second one at 21. Didn’t get married until I was 24 had a third baby when I was 29. I definitely have more patience now with the little one than what I did when the oldest two were little. Plus I tell them they were my practice babies and that way I can do this one right!
    Some days I wish I would have been able to go out and sow my wild oats when I was in my twenties but I figure the oldest kids will be grown in a few years and be able to babysit for some extra money so me and the hubby will be able to go out and enjoy ourselves a couple times a month.
    Perfect bar would allow smoking (stupid Ohio) and not have the music so loud that I can’t think. But some background noise is a must.
    We went to a bar last year that had no music and it only had a couple of weirdos sitting at the bar. It was just creepy and sad. We only stuck around for one drink and headed back home.

    [Reply]

    Bill in WV Reply:

    You were just there on Mime night.

    [Reply]

  60. Bad enough no update today but did you have to go and call me a weirdo, creepy and sad, Tracy? :)

    [Reply]

    tracy in ohio Reply:

    sorry WB you just caught me off guard

    [Reply]

  61. Okay, I guess I am the freak in the crowd. Met my wife when I was 14 and she was 15. Got into trouble and had our first child at 17. Married when we were 18. Another child a bit later on and today we are still happily married and getting ready to celebrate our 30th anniversary next year. We have two grandchildren and recently found out another on the way. We have been through everything you can think of and a bit more. Growing up together formed a bond between us that can never be broken. I know we are the exception instead of the rule and I am very thankful for that.

    [Reply]

    Bill in WV Reply:

    Yeah, I’d say y’all turned out aigghhhhttt !

    [Reply]

    Terri Reply:

    Jerry, when you find the one – that’s it! Glad it worked for you. We have been married 29 yrs!

    [Reply]

  62. Never had a reason to date or marry. I just spurted.

    [Reply]

    Son of Sam Reply:

    Jimmy Kuhn you fucking rule!

    [Reply]

  63. Beat me to it wb.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    Sjhe said there were a couple of creepy guys….just sayin’

    [Reply]

  64. Married at 26, first son at 30, second one at 32. I’ve been married for 31 years, which both of us refer to as “25 (or so) of the happiest years of our lives.”

    My taste in bars has evolved from beer-slinging dives with a pool table and cheap pitchers (poor-student-friendly), to pizza joints with room for the kids to run amok while we adults quaffed post-youth-activity beers, to quiet places with deep sink-as-you-drink booths/couches and generous on-the-rocks buckets o’ goodness, to (finally) my newly-constructed the-kids-are-gone-and-this-is-how-I-want-it living room. Cocktails outside of the home are now usually pre-dinner drinks at a restaurant, usually while waiting for the dining room to clear of the young yuppie parents and their running-amok kids-who-can-do-no-wrong.

    Such is life….

    [Reply]

  65. Get your tickets now folks, the liberace museum closes for good on Sunday.

    [Reply]

  66. I was there on mime night. I was miming Man Beating His Meat in the Wind. Pretty damn accurate, Multiple Miggs himself would have been proud.

    [Reply]

  67. t-storm, I’m afraid your news is a week old. The Liberace Museum closed for the last time on Sunday, October 17.

    Pee Wee Herman’s making a comeback, though. I guess these things kinda balance out.

    [Reply]

  68. And speaking of sweet cheeks, it’s Dizzie Gillespie’s birthday today (info courtesy of today’s Google Doodle). I guess it would be a bigger deal for him if he was still on the top side of the turf.

    [Reply]

  69. Damn.
    Well I just saw the article on CNN.
    Guess I should cancel my ticket and just go to St. Louis this weekend.

    [Reply]

  70. This is getting curiouser and curiouser. I’d like to have two or three more wives.

    [Reply]

  71. Wives, or women? Many would say, “I already have one wife too many.”

    [Reply]

    Jason Reply:

    Wives. I don’t fuck women I’m not married to. This little rule has caused some problems (I got ordained on the Internet and have performed many “ceremonies” while the bride-to-be lay handcuffed to a hotel bed) but I’m not one to break the rules.

    [Reply]

    CADude Reply:

    Well done. I’ve always had you pegged as a man of principles.

    [Reply]

  72. Dated the same beautiful lady since grade 11. Married in 86 at age 24. The boy came along in 90 and the girl in 95.

    Married 24 years. 35 with the windchill.

    Speaking of which, it’s now snowing outside.

    [Reply]

  73. Brit,
    Maybe he can move in with that stupid bitch from your office?

    [Reply]

  74. The life of the wife is ended by the knife.

    [Reply]

  75. Yikes I’m in a tiny group!

    Met at 19, married at 21, had the first critter at 29, second at 33. Never in 14 years has either one of us threatend to walk, hit or bit, f*cked a neighbor, or not come home before dawn. we have done everything together since our teens and know all there is to know about each other. He is the first person I want to tell good and bad news to, the only person whos oppinion really matters to me and my best friend (oh and the sex is still smokin hot!).

    When I said “I do” I ment it. I trust him with all of my life, health, saftey, well being, emotional happyness, and by extension the kiddos too. We both hit it hard in our teens, he moved out at 17 and I had very, ahem, relaxed parents (good people just very young themselves and not stupid about life in a small town.)

    No reason to not get married if your happy and planning on sticking it out, in my oppinion. But we are both clear plain spoken people, call a turd a turd and get on with the day folks. There is no BS drama at my house, if your being an a-hole someone will call you on it. I trust my hubby compleatly and swear if I found him naked on a woman and he said he tripped I’d beleive him. ;) (Might still kick her ass, it just depends.)

    I understand that the rest of the world does not work this way. it pains me, but what can you do?

    [Reply]

    Bill in WV Reply:

    Amen sister !

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    Good for you! I loved that post:)

    [Reply]

  76. I have a cousin who married her high school boyfriend. She was 8th grade he was 9th (when they started dating). They’re on crunch muncher #4 I think. She’s the oldest at 34 and between her and her other two married siblings they have a baseball team. All seem very happy.

    [Reply]

  77. Let’s put it this way.

    I just turned 26.

    I have at least 8 friends of an age similar to mine (that I can think of off the top of my head) who are recently divorced.

    In some cases, though definitely not all, kids were involved.

    I am in absolutely NO rush to be married, pop out a couple little nose-miners and live the rest of my life yolked to one person.

    But that’s just me.

    [Reply]

  78. We got married when I was 34 and we’ve been married 22 years…uh, hold it…”What’s that dear?” She said 23. I knew her for 10 years befo….”What’s that deeaaarr?” She said 15. We weren’t together then. We have no children…. “What? No. They don’t care you have a 39 year old son.” We shared similar lives before we got married and…”What!?” Yes! They know you were a singer and I was a trumpet player and we grew up on the road. Yes!…they know all about that!” ….damn. Ok. Ups (mostly) and downs dealing with the business of daily life. Her and I are a pretty good team and laughs and music are never lacking around here. Baseball and hockey. A dog and a cat. We used to call ourselves the coupon people because we’re big 2fer fans. Means an extra margarita for us is the way we see it. We don’t argue much. I can’t tell if I just don’t care and whatever works is fine with me or I’ve been beaten down into a ball-less creature you read about who after years of…..“What? I do not start it most the time. No…I don’t always have to get my way. Look, just because I have a different opinion sometimes doesn’t…..Ok. Wait. Hold it. Can I just finish this? Please? Thank you.” Ok…yak, yak, yak, blah, blah, blah, Happily ever fucking after. According what I made a promise to, 23 fucking years ago, death is the only open door outa this place. Maybe if I just keep hitting myself in the head with this hammer now then, I’ll be fine.

    [Reply]

    Jenny Piccalo Reply:

    Lol . I haven’t been on here for too long but I think so far your shit is the most consistently funny, Thanks for the laughs !

    [Reply]

  79. Like Jeff, I married a little later. I was 29 and 34 for the first kid and 36 for the second. It’s worked out well I think.

    My favorite bars from my youth (1970′s) have been upgraded to fancy pants yuppie bars with really loud piped in music. It hurts me deeply. A bar should be a place you can go to talk (not yell) and drink cheap beer. Kind of like Cheers! Now that would be the perfect bar.

    [Reply]

  80. Being From WV I’m suprised that your folks weren’t about 37-38 when you were 25.

    Get married right after their senior year. (4th grade to the rest of America)

    [Reply]

    Jenny Piccalo Reply:

    LMAO …..that’s most of our stories and we all have a cousin Dupree !
    “Wild and Wunerful” that’s our state slogan!

    [Reply]

  81. Totally off topic here, but isn’t this a bit of an extreme measure to qualify for the HIV lane?

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39796763/ns/us_news-life/

    [Reply]

    Gretchen Reply:

    FUCK! HOV lane. Damn fingers!!! Well, that turned my joke into something less than funny. Add me to the chorus for an Edit button.

    [Reply]

    Greg Reply:

    I think HIV lane is pretty funny! Hell, it may have been true! How could she have driven around that long with a body next to her, and even more, not be discovered? Just amazing!

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    Yeah…I have no idea what a HOV lane so I totally bought the HIV lane thing until you said you screwed it up. Seemed quite possible there is one somewhere.

    [Reply]

    Gretchen Reply:

    If there is that’s a highway I don’t want to drive on.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    I was thinking a separate line in a supermarket, therater, ball park, airport…etc…Honest!

    [Reply]

    Bill in WV Reply:

    I’ve heard of people traveling with a dummy in the passenger seat, so it looks like they’re not alone and discourages potential muggers, but this chick took it to the extreme. Yeah, if you can get past that rotten ass smell in the car, you’re home free!

    [Reply]

    Greg Reply:

    HOV lanes are high occupancy vehicle lanes, also known as carpool or diamond lanes. HOV lanes are reserved for people who share the ride in buses, vanpools, or carpools. Motorcycles and emergency vehicles are also allowed.

    [Reply]

    icecycle66 Reply:

    If it is simply for a high occupancy vehicle, why is it necessary to have multiple passengers. The lane is specified for “High Occupancy Vehicles” therefore, I could drive my big slow RV in it without anyone in the RV but me.

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    Whta ever happened to just calling it the carpool lane. No some fuckstick has to come up with the term High Occupancy Vehicle lane. Give me a fucking break! Damn good thing the weekend is a couple of hours away, I’m about to start punching these fucking morAns around me in the face!!

    I feel better already, thanks.

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    I was typing as you were posting Greg, my rant is not directed at you.

    [Reply]

    Greg Reply:

    Oh, no problem. I just googled HOV lane, then pasted a definition I found on google. This particular definition was from a Washington State site, although many states use the term. From a California site: “The central concept for HOV lanes is to move more people rather than more cars.” Here in Dog Lick, WV, we don’t have much of a need for HOV lanes, unless we change the definition to “Hillbilly Occupied Vehicle”!

    [Reply]

    Jason Reply:

    Jesus. I don’t know how anyone could get “used to” the smell of a dead body. It’s horrific. That’s why I don’t go into my garage anymore.

    [Reply]

    Jenny Piccalo Reply:

    so that’s where the xtry wives end up

    [Reply]

  82. Comments before the Update…

    Chuck…Dammit, man, put that entry on your site and keep writing. I don’t get out much, so I don’t really know whether that’s your prose or the beginning of a Sherman Alexie short story. Don’t matter, just git on with it…

    Hot…Quietly the funniest comment of the day, perhaps the week, with “35 with the windchill”. Perfect word, combining the great north and marriage.

    Gretchen…I’m not going to be able to just leave the HIV lane and move on with my life. That you’re even ironic and funny when you’re not trying to be is nothing short of emasculating, but that’s not your fault. And why the antithetic skull? Not that it’s my business, but whoever you are must be whatever the opposite of a skull is.

    bikerchick and Lori…Our collective daughters and their collective friends would do well to learn from strong women like y’all. My sympathies and my congrats for surviving it all and prospering.

    Bill in WV…You were on quite a roll this cycle. Mustang Sally. Mime night, plenty more. Thanks. Keep ‘em coming.

    Shit, Jeff’s coming. Look busy.

    jtb

    [Reply]

    Gretchen Reply:

    JTB: The skull is a Day of the Dead sugar skull I designed in Photoshop. Seemed appropriate for October. If Jeff would make the avatar pics a smidge bigger you’d probably see that (ahem, cough cough!).

    [Reply]

  83. A good bar – a truly good bar – must NOT have music playing too loudly, must have Boddington’s on tap, must have a good selection of Scotch to go with said Boddington’s, and must NOT have a pretentious bartender.

    [Reply]

  84. I’m pretty sure that even though it is in California, it’s not called the HIV lane.

    [Reply]

  85. jtb,
    look for it Sunday evening at my site.
    thanx

    chuck

    [Reply]

  86. I know, try getting that smell off of your dick!

    [Reply]

  87. Chuck…

    I’ll be there with balls on. I don’t want to miss it, so I’ll speed along in the HIV lane.

    jtb

    [Reply]

  88. Well if “HIV lane” is gonna stick with me like stench from a rotting corpse, then I might as well make it interesting. Anyone got some good ideas of what else HIV can stand for? I’ll start.

    Horny Lesbian Veterans lane
    Hijinks Inside Vehicle lane
    Horrible Insane Vomit lane
    Heckling Imaginary Vulcans lane
    Hairy Itchy Vulvas lane

    Hmmm. Somewhat lame. I’m gonna blame the full moon. Please feel free to do me one better.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    Ok Gretchen…I’ll play.

    Hippies In Vans lane
    Hillbilly Imbecials Vacationing lane
    Hallucinating Introspective Visionary’s lane
    Hardhats Inviting Violence lane
    Hookers Into Virgins lane

    [Reply]

    Chuck in Belpre Reply:

    Highly Intense Vaginas

    [Reply]

    Gretchen Reply:

    LOL. Good ones, guys.

    Hollering Insufferable Vegans lane
    Hypercritical Inlaw Villany lane
    Homoerotic Insufferable Vampires lane
    Hot Impulsive Vixens lane

    I’m sure many of you can get behind that last one. Wink wink, nudge nudge.

    [Reply]

    Gretchen Reply:

    I know I said “insufferable” twice, but there’s just no better way to describe most vegans and all sparkly vampires.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    Highway Idiots Vigilantes lane

    [Reply]

    Lee Harvey Ramone Reply:

    Human Idol Variation lane

    Humpty Imputation Vatican lane

    [Reply]

  89. And today is my birfday. I feel old.

    [Reply]

    Gretchen Reply:

    Happy birthday, Chuck!

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    I was trying to think of someone I could deicate this rum and ginger ale (Vernors) to and bingo…there you are. Cheers Chuck.

    [Reply]

    Lori in Cbus Reply:

    Happy Birthday Chuck!! ;-)

    [Reply]

    Greg Reply:

    Hell, don’t feel old. It’s just a birthday. There’s lots of other shit you can feel bad about. You’re still alive. Happy birthday!!

    [Reply]

    Greg Reply:

    Go over to Danny’s Pizza and pig out. Danny has a degree from OSU. He’s not an idiot. His family has been in the business for years, and he knows his shit. And Angie’s cute, too. Great pizza. Get one for your birfday. Eat the rest for breakfast.

    [Reply]

    WVKay Reply:

    Happy Birfday, to you.

    [Reply]

  90. Chuck…

    Happiest of birthdays, Chuck. Maybe I get your humor because I’m as old as dirt and you’re not, but you can see it from there. You add immeasurably to this site and I appreciate it very much.

    I sympathize with your looking for an IT job with a touch of grey. I’ll be doing the same in about six months. Fuckem. Age and guile beat youth, innocence, and a bad haircut every time. Well, at least once in a while.

    cheers..

    jtb

    [Reply]

  91. Thanx all. I know most of you are a lot younger than me (58). But I’m young inside this gray head. At least the gray is hanging in there. Hasn’t fallen out yet. ;)

    [Reply]

    WVKay Reply:

    I hope it will make you feel better to know, I’m not a lot younger than you (55). I’m still kickin’, just not as high. No gray in my pubes yet. That’s when I’ll believe I’m really old. Gray pubes.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    “Grey Pubes”…sounds like a rcok band reunion tour.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    I’m gonna start bitchin’ again about the edit button if I keep this up…crap!

    [Reply]

    hot fuzz Reply:

    hehe you said rcok

    [Reply]

  92. Well, since we are all telling secrets:
    Lived about a year with Susan, picture Christina Applegate late 80′s but bigger tits. Dumb as a bag of hammers, but a real nympho. (Cocktail waitress.) Lots of fun, but turned into a rattlesnake on vodka. Could not be trusted.

    Lived about a year with Carol, ER nurse, divorced, she had a 2 year old daughter at the time. Another nympho. She liked to give BJ’s in elevators, while I was driving, in the bathroom of restaurants. She is now on husband #3, I was not one of them. When she started asking for a ring, I left.

    Met my wife when I was 24, she was 34, college professor. Married at 26 (me) and 36 (her). Have one great daughter age 17. Still married 19 years. She settled me down, which I needed. I still smoke like a train and drink like hell, work one full time job of 21 years and have two sideline businesses.

    Wife’s job is to see if she can empty the checkbook faster than I can fill it up. So far, it’s a tie game.

    And like so many other posts here, I really don’t give a shit anymore.

    [Reply]

  93. married at 33 in 1966—still married to same person in 2010.
    proves the rule that no one should get married before age 30. if i had married guy i lived with at age 22, (which would have been a disaster.) i’d be divorced now. incidentally, he’s on his third wife and still hasn’t grown up.

    [Reply]

  94. Dorothy…

    The man’s a gigolo, but he’s YOUR gigolo. Give him time. A man needs time to grow up. He seems to be a gigolo with damn good taste in women.

    jtb

    [Reply]

  95. Saturday drizzle
    Afternoon evening only
    Chris Isaac will do

    jtb

    [Reply]

  96. Hey Hot Man…

    Came across a handout I used in training four people I promoted from team leader to manager (shoot, must have been 1996 or so). At the top in bold, I wrote…

    “Never get bombed out of a position you had no business occupying in the first place.”

    Glad to hear your place of business is not so political. Not true of where I was in 1996. Combat training was required.

    jtb

    [Reply]

  97. For those who need rehab of a damp Saturday, here’s The Bare Egil Band singing their cover of Amy Winehouse’s fine tune…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBA1fZjB_t8&feature=related

    jtb

    [Reply]

  98. I just spent 30 minutes with the funniest most eloquent post I ever made to this site… on the work laptop…. which doesn’t allow me to get past a firewall with outbound posts (that port is closed) …. and now it’s gone for ever. You’ll have to take my word on the eloquent and funny part.

    2.5″ snow came and went on Friday. Lots of rain to replace it now.

    Second weekend in a row we took the shyserhunds (sp?) to the off leash dog park for an hour or so (a series of fenced in trails and hills through the woods) and they had more fun than the first time. If you have a dog you really need to find one of these – fun for all.

    Keg for dinner tonight… I have 16 oz of prime rib working it’s way through the 8′ of colon and 25′ of intestines…. it’s not going to be a bullet train but it’ll get there.

    JTB – the Peter Principle can be so painful to watch. Politics only makes it worse. So far so good at work with the new role – everyone loves Raymond – I still have that new Manager scent. I manage my motto it seems but one I use is “Take it seriously but don’t take it personally”. It really helps with the team member’s stress when they put it in action.

    The line I used about the windchill came from Alex of ice Road Truckers. It was so funny I adopted it and called it my own. Howard Stern had a good line too “I’ve never cheated on my wife. I’m GOING TO; but so far, I’ve never cheated on her”. In my case, we all refer to Shereldabeast The Lizard Queen of Rothnia (stole that too) as my FIRST wife. My 2 brothers have 5 wives and 2 common law wives between them) so I guess we’re not doing to badly.

    Trust me the original post was a lot funnier.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    Damn hot fuzz…small world…

    I just spent the past 30 minutes with the funniest and most eloquent girl I’ve ever made…and she did all her work on my laptop…and let me go right past her firewall as my post went out bound and now…she’s gone forever. I’m making up the part about eloquent and funny.

    [Reply]

  99. manage BY motto
    We’re not doing TOO badly
    the reply button SUCKS
    we want an EDIT button
    I like the way when you READ this in YOUR head you YELL it – All the ladies WANT HOT FUZZ SO BAD – that was funny the way you YELLED that in your HEAD
    Jeff Kay is the MAN and we LOVE you for this FORUM
    HoW dO yOu HaNdLe ThIs WiTh ThE yElLiNg In YoUr HeAd..

    I said head.

    [Reply]

  100. 21 was not a good year for me to get married, but I did anyway.
    Tried again at 36 and it took this time.

    [Reply]

  101. I lived with my girlfriend for 12 years before getting married. We tried for a kid for about 8 years or so, gave up, then out of the blue we were blessed with a wee boy. (We sorted out a wee sister for him 2 years later.)
    After not being particularly bothered about being a dad, I now think that its the best thing ever.
    He’s 5 now and already listening to Def Leppard ( it wouldn’t be my first choice, but its a lot better than Lady ‘Please just fuck right off!’ Gaga).
    I’ll only be 50 when they’re 15 and 13 (touch wood) so that’s ok. I think that they’ll help me stay younger and I don’t intend to start wearing socks with sandals until I’m at least 85!

    Could one of you guys tell me whether you can get access to BBC Radio 6 on the internet.
    It’ll save me from banging on about how good it is if you can’t hear it.

    Cheers

    [Reply]

  102. http://www.bbc.co.uk/6music/

    there’s a listen live button

    Works fine – I know I’m in the right place because the lady announcer has a wonderful British accent :)

    [Reply]

  103. Radio 6 is the absolute dogs doo-da’s. Good mixture of music genres, album tracks too and best of all, no commercials.

    [Reply]

  104. I was going to get my rcok onto the information superhighway last night and try to merge into the Hot Impulsive Vixens lane. Upon determining that my Honda Odyssey and my touch of grey would be out of place there, I instead watched “All In”, my favourite House episode. So it goes.

    jtb

    [Reply]

  105. Just a tip of the Hatlo Hat to my friends in Canada.

    [Reply]

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Thanks for stopping by! My name is Jeff Kay, I was born while JFK was president, and it's all very embarrassing and corny. Today I'm a suburban husband and father, who is sometimes accused of being a bit tightly-wound. The West Virginia Surf Report! is my creative outlet, and insurance policy against completely losing my shit. I hope you'll stick around and participate in the lively community of geniuses and curmudgeons who hang out here every day. I love a full 87% of them! And while you're at it, please follow me at Twitter and Facebook.

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