The People We’ve Seen Naked By Mistake

Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot to report on this subject.  It’s fun to see people naked by mistake, but it hasn’t happened to me very often.  I guess I just don’t travel in circles conducive to accidental nudity; it doesn’t usually happen at Target, or The Olive Garden.  And that’s too bad, really.

In fact, I’m going to have to cheat and include the times I’ve accidentally seen women/girls in their underwear.  And even then… it’s a short list of anecdotes.  I hope I’ll be able to live vicariously through you guys, and your stories in the comments.

The oldest, and most jarring story happened when I was a little kid.  Probably third or fourth or grade…  We used to run wild in the neighborhood, and would cut through peoples’ yards, and between houses, with impunity.

One summer morning a friend and I were walking between two cinder block homes, which are situated roughly ten feet apart in Dunbar.  And as we went past one of the windows, there was a woman standing there washing dishes in just a bra.

It was one of those heavy-duty 1970s bras with steel safety cage, sway bars, and straps like seat belts.  The woman was probably in her early thirties, but seemed like an old lady to me.  Our eyes met through the window, we were frozen for a microsecond, then I ran in one direction, and she ran in the opposite direction.  I think both of us shrieked.

And when I’m in the home, smiling and smeared with feces, I’ll remember that day, even after I can no longer recall my own name.

A similar thing happened when I had my paper route.  Except it wasn’t exactly accidental…

There were two slutty twins who lived on 18th Street, right in the heart of my paper carrier kingdom.  They were a year younger than me, but had infinitely more experience.  Or so I’d heard…

I was delivering a paper to an old man who lived next door to the tramps, and I always walked it all the way up and put it in the metal loops underneath his mailbox.  You know, since he couldn’t see very well, and I liked him.

And as I made my way toward the old guy’s front door, I heard a tapping sound.  I looked over, and those two girls — identical twins! — were standing in a window, wearing nothing but their underwear.  Bras and panties, in case you’re unclear on it.  And they began gyrating and pursing their lips and putting on some kind of show for me.

I know this sounds like the beginning of a Penthouse Forum letter, but, in true Jeff Kay fashion, this is all that happened.  Eventually the girls burst out laughing, and dropped the blind.  And I walked crooked, all the way home.

Another time, in Greensboro, my girlfriend and I were walking home from a bar, and saw some girl ironing clothes through a window — in nothing but her skivvies.  But she wasn’t just ironing.  She must’ve also been listening to music, because she’d occasionally put down the iron, and start dancing around the room.

We stood there for about ten minutes watching this spectacle, and laughing our asses off.  My girlfriend sorta knew this chick, and I guess she had a history of mental problems — multiple breakdowns, etc.  Which somehow made the episode even more interesting to me.

And the final anecdote has been told here multiple times.  It was following my senior prom, at a fishing cabin near the Coal River (romantic!).  My date and I went there with another couple, to “party,” as it was called.  Someone had gotten the key in advance, and it was all pre-planned.

We were drinking cheap red wine, and the other couple was also popping some kind of pills.  I have no idea…  I have never ingested the recreational pharmaceuticals, not once.

Anyway, they eventually left us and went into one of the bedrooms.  We could hear them in there hollering and banging around and whatnot.  I barely knew the girl I was with, so it was uncomfortable, sitting on the couch with her, with all these… noises coming through the wall.

In a few minutes my friend came busting into the room, wearing nothing but his white tux pants.  He was all frantic and wide-eyed, and asked for our help.  As he stood there, I noticed the tip of his wiener was hanging out of his zipper.  Good god…

And what did he mean, help?  This was starting to get weird.  But interesting.

We both went into the bedroom, and my friend’s girlfriend was lying on the bed — completely naked — having some kind of seizure.  I assume it had something to do with the pills and the booze, but I was just standing there looking at this nude cheerleader, not believing my eyes.

One vivid memory:  everything was neatly trimmed… which seemed wildly exotic in 1981.

She eventually came around, and continued drinking.  And she didn’t even seem to be embarrassed by any of it.  Maybe she engaged in nude convulsions in front of casual acquaintances on a regular basis?  There’s no way for me to know the answer.

And now I’m gonna turn it over to you guys.  Have you ever seen someone naked by mistake?  If so, please tell us about it in the comments.

I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.

Have a great day!

Now playing in the bunker

Visit the Surf Report Souvenir Shop!

87 Responses to “The People We’ve Seen Naked By Mistake”

  1. Mistaken nudity = humor and crushed spirits at the same time.

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  2. Dos?

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  3. turdish taffy

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  4. Not often enough!

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  5. When I was dating my wife my future mother-in-law invited me into the house while my future sister-in-law was standing completely naked in the kitchen after a shower. That was 20 years ago and she’ll still yell at her mom if it’s bought up at a family party.

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    Melissa Reply:

    Ok, there are so many answers here. First, is their shower in their kitchen? Second, did she always walk around completely naked throughout the house after showering? Third, did they all do this? Fourth, how old was the future sister-in-law at the time?

    I am more interested to see if your answers will match what my imagination is creating. (A shower in the kitchen, or the sink!, whole family being nudists and her age was 17)

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    Melissa Reply:

    And when I said “answers here” I of course meant “questions here”. My imagination was on overload at that moment.

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    Gonad the Bavarian Reply:

    The laundry room was off the kitchen just to the left of the door (in the garage) I walked in when told to come on in. It was common for them to walk around in a towel or a robe to get clothes from that room. Not sure why she was not in one that day. I always knock when I go to that house even though it’s just my mother-in-law there now. She was 16 at the time. For the record my MIL thought it was absolutely hilarious. She still tells the story. She says she didn’t know my SIL was naked or she would have told me to wait in the garage until she got back to the bathroom.

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  6. I think I told this before but I pushed open the door to the stall and our company president was sitting there… pants around his ankles giving me a lop sided goofy look just like weekend at Bernie’s.

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  7. uh, what kind of goofy look is that, exactly? Like he was sitting there waiting for you to pop open the door?

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  8. I had a roommate in college that I saw naked regularly, but that’s because he was regularly boning away with some random drunken girl on the living room couch.

    He knew that I worked the closing shift on weekends at the local Pizza Parlor. He knew I made it home between 12:30 and 1:00 am. And he still insisted on banging his girlfriends on the couch instead of in his room. Strange. Oh well, I saw plenty of drunk naked girls so I didn’t complain. Surprisingly enough, the girls mostly didn’t seem to care. i can only think of one time the girl saw me, felt embarrassed, and jumped up and ran into the bathroom. She ran past me to get there, and of course I was frozen solid, like a deer in headlights, as she streaked by. My friend thought the whole thing was hilarious and was already reaching for a fresh beer.

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  9. when i was like 18 or 19 i was at my now ex boyfriends parents house and i walked in to the bathroom and saw my boyfriends dad naked getting out of the bath tub (he only ever took baths, not showers) weird right? it was crazy cuz it was like i went blind for those 2 seconds. i mean the whole thing only lasted 5 seconds cuz i immediataly blurted out some apology and ran out. still it was very akward.

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    Theresa Reply:

    and by the way if u know u have company over and ur taking a bath, dont u lock the door? i know the door had a lock from the times when i used the bathroom.

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  10. Early 80′s. Hung out at my friend Diana’s house and her scummy boyfriend Bob, who she brought back from Texas. Went to her front door to see if she wanted to party. Looked through the white transparent drapes and she’s standing there completely nekkid. I hadn’t knocked yet, so I stood there about ten more minutes. Then, she flipped her living room light out and knowing my silhouhette would be showing outside the door, I dived into a bush (not that bush) next to the porch. Next day, I knew she knew and she knew I knew she knew and it was a little weird, but it was OK for years after that.

    Saw a woman I worked with at a restaurant in the late 90′s on the internets. Supposedly, once I brought it to her attention, she didn’t know she was being filmed.

    Saw a waitress I worked with during the Bob Evans days legs up on the prep table and the little jackass head manager was examining her. They had been an item for a while. I walked in after closing one night to get my jacket that I had left in the break room.

    Saw my Mom once…..but I don’t want to talk about that.

    And, last but not least, saw, in Chelyan, West Virginia, of all places, the mother of an NBA superstar topless while she was hanging clothes on the line to dry in her backyard, which was two doors down from my great grandparents house, where I spent a lot of my summers as a kid. Lots of those folk do that there. She was probably 55 to 60 at the time, but a ten year old doesn’t discriminate.

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    The Qweezy Mark Reply:

    Jerry West’s mother?

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    AngryWhiteGuy Reply:

    That’s right, it was Cookie.

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    Joe T. Reply:

    Was Jerry West’s mother whorish? Why would a woman go outside topless to hang clothes?

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    johnthebasket Reply:

    Joe, she’s washing her bras. What do you expect her to wear? The confusing of nudity with prostitution will get you in big, big trouble in many of our finest states.

    jtb

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    bumblebee Reply:

    Funny, funny!! Only in the hollers of West By God!

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  11. When I was about 13 or 14 I saw a friend of my older sister flesh clothed from top to bottom. They just finished swimming at my house and they were all changin back into normal clothes. For some reason this one hot softball playing chick was changing in my bedroom. And for some reason she was standing fully unclothed when i walked in. Awesome older girl highschooler tits at eye level, it was kickass. I don’t remember exactly, but I am sure i squeezed the pickle to that image for a while.

    On a much less awesome instance, one of the guys who lived on the same barracks floor as me would walk down to the latrine and wash his dick after he had sex. So, it wouldn’t be strange at all to to be trying to buy a Pepsi at the vending maching and see him strolling down the hall with his recently released loofa dick dangling about on the way to the bathroom.
    A few of us got him a really nice pimp robe to wear on these walks…but he didn’t use it.

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    Chuck in Belpre Reply:

    Don’t ask…don’t tell. I guess.

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    fryguy Reply:

    I put images like that into the “Spank Bank”, you never know when they will cum in handy…

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    hot fuzz Reply:

    His first or his second story?

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    fryguy Reply:

    in my case, the first one…

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    icecycle66 Reply:

    If you have images of minors from when you were a minor, in your spank bank, does that make you a pedophile?

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  12. I mistakenly (and drunkenly) walked in on my cousin’s husband holding his weiner aimed at the toilet/. When I swung the door open, he actually turned, dick in hand, and sprayed the sink. He had that astonished face a short bus rider would wear if you took them on a tour of Ben & Jerry’s. Priceless.

    Another time, man, I must have been 9 and my older sister was 11 we walked into the wrong hotel room and some guy was passed out on his bed in his undies. To this day I don’t know how we opened a hotel room door. Maybe it wasn’t locked. It was late ’60s early 70s at best.

    And lastly, in the recovery room at a shitty city hospital, coming out of anesthesia form having my tonsils out (I was 11), I looked over and this huge naked woman kept moaning and kicking off her sheets exposing 2 WIlson basketball sized hooters. I’d never seen jugs that big in my life.

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    Bill in WV Reply:

    “Wilson basketball sized” Were they the same color?

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    madz1962 Reply:

    Yep! WIth the black stripes!

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    Valentin Reply:

    Laugh my ass off.

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  13. Oh, and another army story. While in training at DLI/FLC there was a drill sergeant who would change in her office after morning PT. She left the blinds open for astute observers to get an eye full, even though she wasn’t that hot. I didn’t find out until later that all you had to do was get her alone in your room, like ask her to come do a pre-inspection check, and whip your dick out for some free insta-head. Oh, to know then what I know now.

    Oh, there was also a girl in the Air Force, what we called cock pits, that would traipse about her room across the street naked at night to give the guys a show.

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  14. I don’t think I have accidentally seen anyone naked. But it’s happened to me and my late husband.

    My house (the one I was bitching about in yesterday’s post) is where my late husband and I lived. All the houses in the neighborhood are spitting distance from eachother’s side windows.

    One summer night we came home and preceded to have drunken sex….right below the open window in our bedroom. I guess we were making a racket because next thing we know we hear our neighbor yell, “Who’s out there?!?!”. My husband stops in mid-pump, perched on his hands and looks up…locks eyes with our neighbor. My husband, never for a loss of words, says, “Hey. What’s up?”. Our neighbor “OH SHIT!” pulls his head back inside closes the window and shuts the drapes. Funny as hell.

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    Melissa Reply:

    I can’t believe I am about to tell this story as it traumatized my brother and I when we heard it but my father likes to embarass us, so what the hell….
    Apparantly my parents lived in an apartment below my mom’s sister and her new husband in the early 70′s. They were all the best of friends and loved living that close to each other. Well, my parents were getting it on (blech!!) one day when my aunt and uncle happened to be walking on the sidewalk outside their window (unbeknownst to my folks). My aunt and uncle thought it’d be funny to start mimicking the noises from outside to trip out my parents and instead it scared my dad, he flung back horrified, the bed broke & he and my mom toppled over, broken bed falling around them.
    To this day my aunt loves to tell this story and says if only camera phones were invented back then she’d have hundreds of pictures of that momentous event. She said she actually pissed herself from laughing so hard.
    I swear I want to vomit now….

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  15. Saw my grandmother one time. Two words – bad bananas.

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  16. Whooda thunk the Disney Channel is racier than Jeff Kay’s entire life?

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  17. Last week I attended a research forum on invasive species. Over the course of various presentations, I was forced to view numerous images of copulating emerald ash borers. It’s a tragic loss of innocence.

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    Gretchen Reply:

    I hear emerald ash borers are nothing but a passel of perverts. Hope your eyes recover Lee.

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  18. When my brother got married, one of the bridesmaids was someone I had known since she was a young teen. She blossomed into a very pretty girl. At the time of the wedding she was probably around 24 or 25.

    After the wedding we were taking pictures up on the altar, men on the top row, women on the lower row. I look down between shots and there is this young woman’s right breast clearly visible inside her dress. I guess the dress had a built-in bra, or perhaps not.

    How’s that for a dilemma, bare tit in a church?

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  19. Like Jeff I had a paper route when I was 13. I was out collecting one night (back in the days before pay in advance was mandatory) and was walking up to the side door of 68 Broadway Ave. when I saw a fleshy blur pass the open door. It happened too fast to register all details but I saw enough to recognize the girl, realize she was naked and holding some clothes in her arms. She was followed by her mother, who was in hot pursuit and screaming like a banshee.

    Shortly after my wife and I began dating I was over at her house sitting in the dining room waiting for Deb (wife) and her sister to get ready so we could go out. Her sister was taking a shower and because her room was in the basement she had to pass through the dining room to get back to her room and get dressed. As she slothed past me wrapped in a towel I made a fake grab towards her. She jumped, the towel came loose and hit the floor, and she ran screaming down to her room.

    For a few years I had a neighbor who would iron topless in her living room in front of the window. She was from Quebec and quite attractive, so that was nice.

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    icecycle66 Reply:

    “Fake grab” = bullshit

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    Tyrosine Reply:

    Dude, if it was a real grab I’d admit it.

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  20. Oh crap, I just read where Don Kirshner passed away. Anyone remember “Don Kirshner’s Rock Concert?” (or, as he would say it “Dawn Kirshner’s Rawk Cawncert!” Loved that show.

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    Lee Harvey Ramone Reply:

    The first time I got to see and hear a number of bands that would become very influential to me was on that man’s show. I’ll never forget Don Kirchner.

    I’ll also never forget the time I saw him nekkid.

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  21. Weirdest, weirdest thing I have seen involved my ex-wife. Years after we divorced, I was at an auto wrecking yard buying parts for a car I was fixing. In the glove compartment of the car I was getting parts off of, there were a half dozen nude pictures of my ex.

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    Shane Reply:

    Holy shit! You better post them here. As it’s so bizarre. Wow!

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    icecycle66 Reply:

    Indeed. The bizarrosity can hardly be understood in words alone.

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    clintcurtis Reply:

    Oooooh, you haven’t heard the bizarre part! She was pregnant in the photos…and it turns out that her husband wasn’t the photographer!

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  22. When i was 7 years old, a friend and I walked into the men’s changing room at a neighborhood municipal pool, only to be greeted by a row of naked teenage girls, side by side. Just stiing there on the bench, as if waiting for a bus or something. A couple of them giggled and a woman of about 40, also naked, said “You’ll have to wait a few minutes, boys, we’re almost done.” My friend and I stumbled out of the locker room and walked back to his home, too shocked to do anything else. All I remember of our conversation about the incident was my friend saying “Did you see all that hair they had?” Never did find out why they were in the men’s changing area…

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  23. I was at a waterpark when I was 9 or 10 years old, and a group of biker looking guys and their girlfriends showed up. I was going down the slide right before them. While leaving the pool to go up to take another run on slide, I looked back and noticed that one of the girl’s top had fallen off when she hit the bottom. The next time down, I figured I owed it to myself to see if her top would come down again. Sure enough, it did, so after that I would make sure I would take my time at the bottom just so I could sneak a look at those sweet breasts. My memory is somewhat hazy after all these years, but I don’t think those breasts were that great.

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  24. The guy in the picture is making the wrong type of face for seeing another dude nude. Probably.

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  25. Walked in to surprise an ex one time and accidentally saw her naked, with another dude.

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    t-storm Reply:

    at a Drive By Truckers show at the Star Bar in Atlanta Mike Cooley whipped out his dick on stage.

    At Roxy’s in East St. Louis my friend Trish got on stage and the stripper undid her overalls and I got to see one of my favorite bartenders completely naked, I was standing right next to her future husband.

    Fred Friction would constantly whip his dick out.

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  26. When I was in high school, maybe 9th grade, my grandfather was on his death bed in a nursing home. All of our family had gone up to see him before he passed. As the night went on, he got worse and worse until he finally was unconscious. My parents and I went to the cafeteria area to get something to drink and when we came back, the nurse had uncovered him (for some reason) and he was laying there in his bed completely naked. My mom covered him up and we left the room again a little later. When we came back he was uncovered again. WTF? We didn’t know what was going on! My mom finally got pissed and told the nurses to let him have some freakin’ dignity before he died.

    Ok, I can’t BELIEVE I’m going to say this, but there was another time. YUCK. I was in 11th grade maybe, and I was sitting in the livingroom floor putting my shoes on before school. My dad was sitting on the sofa reading the paper and drinking his morning coffee and all of a sudden, he sat back to say something to me. When he did, he crossed one leg over the other, ya know, “man style”, (ankle to knee) and when he did I looked up and saw one of his nuts and part of his weenie sticking out of his shorts. The shorts had wide legs and he had no underwear on. YUCK YUCK YUCK! I immediately got up and walked out of the room. I couldn’t even speak at the time. I never said a WORD about it. EVER. Until now. ICK!

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    Valentin Reply:

    Lol, you called it his “weenie”.

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    johnthebasket Reply:

    Hey, give Sweet a break. Perhaps she finally exorcised her childhood weenie trama. Don’t jam it down her throat.

    Um, so to speak.

    love

    jtb

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    johnthebasket Reply:

    And let’s here no Johnson talk out of you, young man.

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    johnthebasket Reply:

    Well that sucks. Of course it should be “hear”. What a hairbrain.

    jtb

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    Short-n-Sweet Reply:

    LOL! There’s no good word to describe your dads “thing”, ya know? It’s like…a fictitious character. You don’t really want to believe that it actually exists!!

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    madz1962 Reply:

    Maybe we should refer to our dad’s weinie as “Puff the Magic Dragon” then. Mom would endorse that.

    (oh I just grossed myself out).

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    Short-n-Sweet Reply:

    Madz,

    I laughed so hard at your comment that I’m pretty sure I actually peed a little. HA!

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    madz1962 Reply:

    Hope you had a wee wee pad in place!

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  27. I was not the seer, but the seee. My ex and his brother used to ride to work together. His brother would stop by in the a.m. to pick him up. In those days, I did not believe in pajamas. I got up to go to the bathroom, and looked straight into the eyes of my brother-in-law. His eyes didn’t stay on my eyes for long. I was stark naked. It’s one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. All my ex had to say was, “What are you doing?” “Get out of my way, I have to pee.”

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  28. Haven’t got much here…

    At my work, we have many single-user bafrooms rather than one or two of the usual multiuser office-building-type ones. Anyway, I went to use the porcelain convenience one time; opened the door and there’s good old Bob pinching a loaf. To his credit, as I was slamming the door, he said “I’m sorry you had to see that”. But Jesus, dude, lock the damn door.
    .

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  29. This is about the lamest collection of peep stories I’ve ever heard. Mind you, I can’t do any better. Any tender flesh that I’ve seen has been intentional and required significant time and resources to expose. Perhaps not so true in the college days, but the amount of effort required increases in fibonacci increments as the years pass.

    jtb

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    Tyrosine Reply:

    Nice, a Fibonacci reference! Very good!

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  30. Although, come to think about it, I have never just asked a woman if I could peruse her fibonacci increments. I could do that, BUT IT WOULD BE WRONG.

    jtb

    Shit, there’s nobody here old enough to remember Nixon. I need some new material.

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    cc Reply:

    You bring up the Fibonacci sequence and you are worried that it’s the Nixon reference people won’t get?
    :)

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    Chuck in Belpre Reply:

    I certainly remember the Tricky one…fibonacci increments not so much.

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  31. I have several offerings on the subject:

    Once when camping, my cousin and I were staying in a pop-up camper owned by his parents. We were about 10 or 11. We were already in bed and his mom told us to “turn your heads or close your eyes.” I opted for the latter–and naturally because I was 10 and was curious–I fake squinted. I got a full frontal nudity shot for a good 3 to 5 minutes as she assembled her night clothes.

    IN high school as we were preparing for our senior pictures, we had the pass-around tuxedos referenced by Jeff Kay in a recent update. THe girls had a pass-around top too and had a dressing room to put it on. ONe of the chicks opened the door to reveal the bare tits of a naked cheerleader. She shrieked and covered herself–but it was too late–and that imagie is forever burned in my mind.

    Once attended a banquet in college at a hotel. A buddy was very drunk and disappeared. We all went looking for him and were lead to a room in the place. A drunk chick, who I knew, answered the door. She was stark naked and didn’t care. HE was totally naked with a boner lying passed out in the floor. Another guy and girl were going at it in the bed. We had apparently walked in on some wild sex orgy. I, as a kid from the country, was shaken to my very core–and at the same time highly intrigued.

    Once while working for Dominoes Pizza I walked into an unlocked bathroom and caught a former high school majorette on the can taking a piss. We were both highly shocked.

    ONce in college a roommate had a girl who practically lived with us. One morning I got up clad in my underwear and made my way to the bathroom. She came out of his room, topless, walked passed me and straight into the bathroom and locked the door. Bitch–I hated her–but she had nice tits.

    I was forever catching people in compromising positions and in various states of undress. I guess I was just always in the right place at the right time. I have several more–but those are largely the highlights. Most of my encounters were catching people having public sex–or walking in on roommmates getting it on.

    Buck Out

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  32. Oh, one more I totally forgot—back to Dominos Pizza. I delivered a pizza one New Year’s Eve about 1:00 in the morning to a local no-tell-motel. Chick answered the door, smoking hot, completely naked, and holding a bottle of Champagne. She was drunk off her ass. Guy laying on the bed, stark naked and passed out. She handed me a 100-dollar bill. I handed her the pizza. She handed the me the bottle of Champagned, said, “Keep the change.” ($8 pizza) and closed the door. What a great night!

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    Bill in WV Reply:

    I remember that one Buck from one of your “Holler” updates.

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  33. Back in 1982 I was on my honeymoon in Provincetown, MA…at the tip of Cape Cod. Didn’t realize this was Mecca for same sex partners to hang out in the summer. Me and my 19 yr old wife were poor and honeymooned in a big tent at a nice campground. There were lots of other tents…occupied by other campers…mostly man-man or woman-woman couples. We were in the minority being a straight sex couple. Got up one evening to go pee in bushes outside the tent and could see into the tent beside us (thru the bushes). They had a lamp on and the tent was lit dimly inside, It looked like a can-o-worms as all I could see was beautiful naked chicks…about 7 of them..arms, legs, asses, and breasts..all getting it on with each other. The smell of weed was in the air and you could see many body parts being kissed and probed. Woke up my new wife and we both watched them go at it for almost 30 minutes. I watched from behind my wife…if you catch my drift.

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  34. OK Jason, we’re all waiting…

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  35. Hate to disappoint, but I’ve got nothing on this guys, nothing at all.

    Oh wait, I did walk in on an uncle flogging his dolphin one time. We were at my Aunt’s (his wife) house having a swimming party when my dad and I decided to go inside and get a drink. We flug open the door and he was sitting on the kitchen counter, his pants and underwear on the floor, just beating away. He was looking out the kitchen window and apparently found one of the young girls appealing.

    The look on his face, priceless. He hopped down, his dong shaking around, and grabbed his pants and underwear and said, “I’m not even going to try to explain this one.” And walked off. I think my dad called him a “sick fuck” but that’s it. I couldn’t stop laughing. I was all of 14 years old.

    And I saw that kid “Booger” who fucked cheese that time naked on several occassions. You couldn’t help but see him because he’d do his cheese and melon fucking in the back yard, in full view of us.

    But that’s all I got. Never saw a female naked by accident, dammit.

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  36. It’s only Wednesday…where the hell are my box scores??!

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  37. Ok Mr Kay. Now that I know who you are talking about, (I had to check with another Surfer), you owe the cheerleaders of DHS, myself included an apology.

    She was not a “nude cheerleader” she was a nude majorette!!

    This is a GREAT story, I’m not sure I can look some of these people in the face again.

    [Reply]

  38. This happened when I was about 5 or so. My mom had gotten the daughter of a friend to babysit me one day. I think the girl was around 17. That evening she was soaking in the bathtub when the phone rang. She answered the phone in the bedroom across the hall from the bathroom. I didn’t see any this. I could hear her chatting for quite awhile so I got curious and went to the doorway of the bedroom where she was talking. There she stood, gorgeously naked, phone in one hand, and with the other hand she absent-mindedly lightly stroked the curly hair of her bush as she laughed and carried on her conversation. She paid me no mind at all, but I was plenty interested in her. The call ended and she went on back to the tub and finished her bath. I told my mom about it the next day, and her response was a hearty laugh.

    [Reply]

    Swami Bologna Reply:

    I just spurted.

    [Reply]

  39. Okay, how about an incident of someone seeing me naked? Well, not exactly naked, but it’s humorous nonetheless.

    My first trip to New York City was in 1987. Public restrooms were nearly non-existant at that time.

    After a day of shopping, I reurned to the parking garage where I had put my rental car. …And I really, really had to pee! With no other options, I went into a corner of the garage, whipped it out, and let it flow.

    From behind me, I heard the distinct clicking of women’s shoes. I turned my head and saw this older Black woman walking by. I quickly tried to zip up (while still peeing!) and said, “Oh my God, I am so sorry!”

    The woman looked at me with a big smile on her face and said, “Sweetie, don’t worry about it. I seen plenty of ‘em before. ‘Course, most of ‘em were a lot bigger!”

    [Reply]

    t-storm Reply:

    I had so many other comments but now I’m just gonna say ouch.

    [Reply]

  40. I’ve had a couple of incidents but most were elderly people at the nursing home I worked at. Blech.
    Oh and I walked in on my parents going at it when I was 10 or so. Also not good. Scarred me for life!

    [Reply]

  41. I’m sorry, folks. I’ll be back on Friday… Real life is getting in the way over here.

    [Reply]

    icecycle66 Reply:

    Life is a dick. Tell you what you need to do, what you need is grab life by the balls and twist’em around all funky; so as its crotch ends up looking like a bunch of gnarled grapes…that’s wuch ya gotta do. Kick lifes ass and tell it not to dick around no more, then you shove it out your front door with yer foot an’ make hells sure it rolls down them steps out front.

    [Reply]

  42. Sophomore year in college, I picked up a drunk girl and took her back to my dorm room about midnight. We “did our thing” and fell asleep (passed out) on the couch, our heads were on opposite ends of the couch.

    I had evidently put my underwear back on at some point, but she was still butt naked and her knees were about 2 feet apart when my three room mates woke us up about 5:00 in the morning howling their asses off.

    She was pretty embarrassed, but shrugged it off, got dressed and left.

    [Reply]

  43. I came across this article only recently, but I thought I’d share my story on the topic.

    It happened when I was little (maybe 4 or 5 years old), and walked toward the doorway of my parents room only to see my mother ironing in the buff! She was in the ironing room of her bedroom, and my sight of that was certainly unintentional because when I did see her ironing, there was usually some coverage on her (shirt, pants, bathrobe, etc.). But it was different this time!

    From my vantage point, however, her right side was obscured by the doorframe to the ironing room, so I only got a side rear view of her left side. Although I never saw her private areas, I saw enough of her to know that she was completely devoid of clothing on her!

    It was so awkward, that I could have giggled with embarassment for her. But I only saw it for a short while and then I walked away, never letting her know that I was there – or what I had seen.

    [Reply]

    Mike Reply:

    I should add two more moments where I accidentally saw my mom in various states of undress:

    1) When I was a kid, it wasn’t unusual for her to walk around the house wearing only a towel. However, on one occasion when I was 8, she knelt down to check the clothing in the hallway, at which point the towel she was wearing opened up just enough to expose part of her buttocks!

    2) Some years later, she had a bathrobe on after taking a shower. It was the kind of robe that only went down to the thigh area, so I happened to look up the stairs, and she walking on the stairs, and the bottom part of her robe flapped enough to give me a glimpse of her bottom!

    So there were at least three occasions where she unknowingly exposed herself to me. In each case, to spare her any embarassment, I chose not to tell her.

    [Reply]

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Thanks for stopping by! My name is Jeff Kay, I was born while JFK was president, and it's all very embarrassing and corny. Today I'm a suburban husband and father, who is sometimes accused of being a bit tightly-wound. The West Virginia Surf Report! is my creative outlet, and insurance policy against completely losing my shit. I hope you'll stick around and participate in the lively community of geniuses and curmudgeons who hang out here every day. I love a full 87% of them! And while you're at it, please follow me at Twitter and Facebook.

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