I was talking with a woman a few days ago who told me she does a full colon cleanse every six months. I’m not sure about the significance of the word “full,” but she kept saying it, so it must be important. She insisted that her semi-annual cleanse is a key component of her well-being. It’s so important, in fact, she has alerts set up on her phone, so she always knows when it’s time.
Of course I had to ask a few questions… Toney never follows up on things like that, and I always shout, “How could you just let something like that go??” If a person volunteers such information to me, I view it as a green light to dig deeper. So to speak.
This person said she takes pills, purchased at the drug store, which causes everything to come flooding out. That’s right, flooding. But, she assured me, it’s not really a “colon blow.” Everything’s pretty much normal, as far as consistency is concerned. (I appreciated that bit of news.) But all the nasty stuff that attaches to the intestine walls is set free, and she feels great afterward.
I’ve seen pictures of people on the Internet holding up a yard of something that looks like seaweed, with a pencil or a plastic spoon. I’ll spare you the horror, but it’s easy to find if you’re interested. They claim to have shit-out that mess, after undergoing some sort of natural cleanse.
But the woman I was talking with said nothing like that happens with the pills. There are no violent assplosions, or anything of the sort. She had me intrigued, and thinking about actually trying it myself. At the very least… it would make for a good update. Yeah, but it will almost certainly never happen.
I was also talking with a person who will be having a colonoscopy soon. And a few days ago something arrived at his house via UPS, called a Bowel Preparedness Kit. I almost did a spit-take. I’ve never undergone anything like that, either. I’ve never engaged in any form of X-Treme Crapping, for any reason whatsoever. Except, of course, following a rare visit to Starbucks. But that doesn’t count.
Have you ever had a medically-induced “full” cleanse? Or one of those all-natural seven pounds o’ seaweed deals? What about the drug store pills? I’ll probably never do it, because I’d convince myself that without all the intestinal flora and fauna, I might come down with Whooping Cough of the Bowels, or something. I mean, some of that stuff might be necessary, right?
In any case, I’d like to know about your experiences with such things. Please use the comments section to bring us up to date on this important issue.
And if you’re like me, and have nothing to contribute, just tell us what foods or beverages do it for you. I’ll start the ball rolling with something that never fails to send me Frankenstein-walking to the small room: Sunkist soda. Now it’s your turn.
Sorry this one is so short, and poopcentric. But please keep in mind… this is the West Virginia Surf Report.
Quick note: All of the above was ready to go yesterday afternoon, but something was askew with the website. I couldn’t access it, and was getting a scary error message where the Smoking Fish should be. I didn’t have time to deal with it, but when I got to work I sent an email to my new webhost. And they fixed the problem within an hour. I couldn’t believe it. They didn’t hem and haw for three days, and hit me with thinly-veiled accusations etc., like my previous host would have… They just diagnosed the problem, and fixed it. How cool is that?
Anyway, let’s get back to the subject at hand: power-shitting. Please tell us your stories in the comments section.
And I’ll see you guys next time.