I love my kids, and don’t want there to be any misunderstandings on that front. Both are smart and interesting, and have given us no serious trouble. They’re good guys. However… they sometimes do things that annoy the shit out of me.
Take, for instance, the way they eat cereal. The older boy, especially, will load up a big bowl of Cap’n Crunch, or whatever, and eat the top layer off. He just skims off some of it, then leaves what’s left on the kitchen counter. He doesn’t put it in the dishwasher. Oh no. That would never even occur to him.
So, an hour later I walk through there and pour a half gallon of milk down the sink, along with a shitload of super-expensive cereal. Does he even go deep enough to reach the milk? It’s a good question, and it irritates me every time. Whenever I see him loading up another Jethro Bodine serving, with the contents WAY above the rim, I start grinding my teeth in aggravation anticipation.
Yesterday, for roughly the hundredth time, I flipped out and told them I’m apparently going to have to hold a cereal-eating seminar, so they know how regular human beings go about it. I also told them I’d throw in some instructions on soda-drinking as a free bonus. They just rolled their eyes and went on watching Top Gear.
They rarely have soda, and almost never had it when they were young. So, they don’t know how to drink it. They open a bottle and start chugging. I don’t know why. But they both tear into it like they’re in prison, and are afraid someone might take it from them. I see this frenzy in my peripheral vision, and don’t say anything because I don’t want to be a COMPLETE asshole. But my whole body tenses-up.
There’s other stuff, too. But I don’t want you guys to get the wrong impression. I know how lucky we are to have 16 and 13 year old boys, and only have cereal-eating to complain about. They could be doing drugs, or telling me to fuck off, or setting church fires… You don’t need to remind me of this, I know it. But it still makes me crazy.
NOT a fan of the Cap’n Crunch strip-mining!
Speaking of not a fan… I had to work on Saturday morning at 6 a.m. I’m a night person, I work night shift, and am completely wired that way. Yet, they’re now requiring me to work two Saturdays per month – starting at the ass-crack of dawn. I think it’s pretty shitty, to be perfectly honest. I understand required overtime, but why a totally different shift?? It plays havoc with my internal clock.
And, as so often happens when I have to get up really early, I allowed it to get to me. I started worrying about it on Friday afternoon. That evening I went to bed at 9:30, read for a half-hour, and actually fell asleep. Usually, when I’m thinking about it, I can’t drift off.
My alarm was set for 4 a.m., and if I slept from 10 to 4, that wouldn’t be so bad. So far, so good…. But, at 1:30 in the morning I was wide awake, and never went back to sleep.
I went to work, had to be there for two extra hours due to completely avoidable complications (grrr…), and came home around 4. I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. I was awake, but not really. Everything was weird.
I gave the older boy a ride to work, came home and crashed harder than Patsy Cline. My whole Saturday: ruined. Literally nothing was achieved. No time with the family, no writing, no work around the house. One of my regular days off was fully destroyed.
And yesterday I got to start my regular schedule. Good, good stuff.
But we’re going to NYC in a couple of weeks, and I’m taking two vacation days around Labor Day. I promised to turn in the first 100 pages of the new book the first week of September, and have about 6000 words to go. I’m hoping I’ll have the full 25,000 completed before the mini-vacation starts, so I can spend all of it editing and polishing and punching-up the funny.
I swear, if I didn’t have this website and the book project I think I’d snap. It sounds like a joke, but it isn’t.
What’s bugging you guys these days? What’s your fresh outrage? We need to keep doing this, from time to time, to keep our fingers on the pulse of the horseshit. Please bring us up to date in the comments section below.
Also, what do you use as a crutch? How do you keep it together? What distractions do you use to relieve the pressure? Or am I the only one about ready to lose his shit? Please tell me it ain’t so!
I’ll be back tomorrow, my friends.
Have a great day.