This is my one day off this week, and it’s been lazy as a mofo so far. I posted a bunch of nonsense at Twitter and Facebook, ate a frozen Marlene Deitrich meatloaf dinner, and listened to Franz Ferdinand and Arctic Monkeys. And that’s pretty much been the extent of it.
Toney has been setting three(!) alarm clocks for me, and moves the last one around from day to day. So, if I’m still asleep after the first two go off, I have to physically get out of bed and go searching for the third one. Yeah, well… today I got all the way to number three, tracked that bastard down and killed it, and climbed back into bed and slept for two more hours.
I’m exhausted, on account of the three or four number one priorities in my life. I know that sounds impossible, but I have many number one priorities. And it’s starting to take its toll.
But enough of my whining… At least I’m not a man with no arms and no legs, lying in a pile of leaves, named Russell. It could always be worse. Right? Right.
Yesterday I was listening to a classic rock station while driving to work, and they played “Jukebox Hero” by Foreigner. Wotta glistening turd of a song. In fact, Foreigner surprises me the most, of all the “classic” bands. When I was in Junior High I loved them, for some reason. I played the hell out of the first two albums, and thought they were fantastic.
Now I can’t stand anything by that band. Especially the later stuff, when they started bringing in child choirs and the like. What the hell was I thinking when I was 14?! Other shitty bands — Styx, REO, Journey — don’t make me frown nearly as much as Foreigner does. Rarely have I been so enthusiastically wrong about something. Wow!
They were also one of the first bands I saw play live. It was Foreigner, Wet Willie, and Nantucket, at the Huntington Civic Center. Heh. I saw a guy in the audience snort cocaine off a tiny spoon there, and it gave me the creeps. Nantucket also scared the shit out of me. The whole night felt semi-seedy and dangerous, which is something I later embraced. But not when I was 16…
It doesn’t have to be music, but is there something you used to LOVE that now confuses you? Something that makes you say, “How is it possible?! That sucks with a crystal-clear certainty!!” If so, please tell us about it in the comments section below.
And before we call it a week here, I’d like to take a few minutes and highlight some Surf Report nonsense from the past couple of weeks. I think we’re on a roll of sorts. I’d hate for you guys to miss even one fart joke…
Speaking of that, I recently purchased and consumed the new Taco Bell Smothered Burrito. I also snapped some photos, and compared ads vs. reality, in the classic style. In a nutshell: I enjoyed the heck out of that burrito, and will never order one again. Click here to find out why.
Last week I somehow endured two full days of excruciating “management training.” It was an introvert’s worst nightmare, and my own personal ‘Nam. Read the terrible tale here.
Late last month I told you guys about two old songs that have the ability to ruin my day. Both are shitty songs, for sure, but that’s not the reason they hold so much power over me. Here are the details.
A recent Asshole of the Week was people who don’t throw their own trash away in fast food restaurants. The surprising thing to me? There were people actually defending this action, in the comments. It still blows me away. Read the update and comments here.
A couple of days ago I began a photo gallery of Fast Food Signs Gone Horribly Wrong. I want to think of it as a work in process, so please send me similar photos if you happen upon any. Here’s what we have so far.
And when it comes to Evidence, it doesn’t get much better than this. Creamy behemoth?! Amazing.
Finally, this Bunker Cam shot generated one of the funniest reader comments in recent memory. From Buck Naked: “Step 5. Raise the chicken over your head and swing it in a circular motion clockwise around your hat. If the problem persists, continue at step 8, Resetting the Router.” Bravo, sir!
That’s gonna do it for today, my friends. Thanks for stopping by here, and for helping to spread my stupidity around the internet.
Please don’t forget the Question of the Day: Is there something you used to love, which is now difficult to understand why? Use the comments section below.
And I’ll be back on Sunday or Monday.
Have yourselves a great day!