Speech Accessories and Office Rumors
I don’t know how these kinds of things take hold, but a few years ago many, many people were starting sentences with “You know what?”
Me: Do anything interesting this weekend?
Them: You know what? I just hung around the house.
Me: Have you seen the 3-hole punch?
Them: You know what? I think it’s in Frank’s office.
Me: Do you smell shit?
Them: You know what? I do.
Seemingly out of the blue, everybody was doing it. It drove me crazy. I still hear it from time to time, but think it’s pretty much run its course. Mercifully, so.
But now I’m hearing a new one, and don’t care for it, either. Have you noticed people replacing “I agree” with the nonsensical “I know, right?” What the hell?
Me: It’s hotter than the devil’s scrotum in this dump.
Them: I know, right?
What in the pearl-handled heck? And already it’s been shortened, to make the ridiculous even more so.
Me: I’m about to take this Papermate pen, and repeatedly plunge it into my heart.
Them: Right?
Just typing it pisses me off.
Also, if you pay close attention, you’ll notice people starting sentences with, “Yeah, no.” Don’t believe me? Listen to the people around you… “Yeah, no,” I fear, might be the new “You know what?”
How do these kinds of things start and spread so quickly? Like the teenage girl Inner Sanctum creaking-door style of talking? Who started that? And how did it go around the globe? I hear fifteen year old girls call Clive Bull, in London, talking that way. And it bothers me a great deal.
What trendy little speech accessories get under your skin the most? We need to start a list, dammit. Help me out, won’t you?
Also, what are the latest rumors going around your place of work?
We don’t necessarily need the background, just give us the rumor as you might spread it to a co-worker. It’s kind of intriguing to hear people whispering about things you don’t fully understand. And leave in the shop-talk and insider lingo, as well. I love that kind of thing.
Of course, if it’s an especially juicy rumor and a full fleshing-out is appropriate, that’s coo’ too.
There’s a disturbing rumor going around my office, but I don’t want to get into it here. My current employers aren’t known for their highly developed sense of humor. Notice how I never mention work? I could end up manning the cheddar pump at Arby’s…
This is very short, because I spent a little too much time on today’s Mockable post. But I think it turned out well, and hope you’ll check it out. Right here.
Also take the time to read yesterday’s article, NOT written by me. It’s both bizarre and hilarious.
And that’s going to do it for today, my friends.
I’ll see you tomorrow.
Filed under: Daily
1st ?
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2nd! Yippee! Must be because of Jason’s pubic hair I keep in my left shoe…
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The Horror!
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Seriously?
No, I’m shittin’you.
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Nickel…
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5?!
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Top 10!!!
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tada!
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No rumors here at work, the boss is a real prick about stuff like that.
BTW, did i mention i’m self-employed?
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TEN!!
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I would love a good rumor at our office. Nothing ever happens here.
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I hate hearing teenage girls say “whatever” and teenage boys saying “sweet”.
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” I know, right?”
I first heard this transmitted by Black women I work with. Black women are responsible for starting any number of speaking trends. I dislike when I say to someone “Hey, what’s up?” and they say, “A’ight!”
That is not an appropriate answer. It makes no sense.
“Yeah, no.” I think that comes from Office Space?
I vehemently oppose all use of the word “blessed” in casual greetings. it is patently and categorically ridiculous.
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I sell houses for a builder that works out all the time. Him and his construction manager are always at the gym together. Rumor has it that someone walked in the showers last weekend and caught them yanking each other off. I think it’s bullshit. They’re both married with children and they build houses. I might think twice if they were florist or something, but not a builder for chrissake.
However, I declined an invitation to the gym by them yesterday. In the back of my mind I was worried that the rumor might be true. And they might want to slip a roofie in my gatorade and give me a good runnin through on the locker room floor.
Yall better get your lucky pubes while they last. I’m about to shave my monkey bald so I don’t have any problems wearing my fishnet speedoes at the beach.
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Teenagers speaking at all bug the crap out of me. It’s like they are speaking in a language from a whole nother planet. Ya know what I mean! Yeah! I know, right!!! Whatever!!!Saaaweeeet!!!
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I like “Yeah, no” but don’t care for “I know, right?”
I dislike any word where the “er” is replaced by “a”
I don’t have a job, but at school-
Prof. C misses class a lot and puts up online lectures that are from another book. Get used to teaching yourself the whole class.
I heard professer C’s contract isn’t getting renewed.
Prof. G has a 12 hr OB section somewhere on the east side next semester.
Megan failed the first psych test.
There are probably more, but I;m not always in the loop.
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What about the “asked and answered?” As in, “How ya doin? Good?” “Whatcha been up to? Nothing?”
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..
Is it possible that the beginning of “Yeah. No.” isn’t really “Ya know?”
Or maybe that’s what they are saying, just spelled differently ya’ know?
My Secret doesn’t necessarily dwell in “teen speak”, but does talk like he’s got a mouth full of marbles.
Regardless of the question, the answer comes out “Mmph ruurgh mmph frrun gurfmm”
The fuck? Spit out what ever is in your mouth and Pro-nun-ci-ate, please.
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wow, where did all that italicize come from??
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@Jason, if you live in San Fran, its true. I bet you’ll see them gay marching around Market and Beale.
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I live in Ala-friggen-bama.
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They actually build houses in Alabama? I thought they just threw a few boards together and piled them on top of cinder blocks. I just drive threw, I don’t stop…
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Pends on where you’re at. Huntsville is pretty classy.
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Jus jokin – I stayed in Moblie a couple times while on my way to Pascagoula. I like the coastal areas.
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My 15 year old niece has a new one that drives me nuts. “legit” instead of “cool” as in “That’s totally legit!” WTF? Makes my sphincter pucker.
I no longer work (became a statistic months ago) but my best friend still works at the company I was at, so I get all the dirt. Thing is, they’ve laid so many people off, there’s no dirt right now!
Happy Tuesday, Surfers!
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***Mobile not Moblie***
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I think “I know, right?” came from Georgia. That’s the first place I heard it.
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I used to work with a woman who could somehow work the phrase “You got that right” into just about every sentence. It drove me bat-shit crazy, yet it somehow worked its way into my own conversations. Go figure.
I have a friend who used to say, “Ya know what I’m saying” after ever friggin sentence. It got to the point where I would answer, “Yeah, I hear ya” each time. Broke him of that habit right quick.
Rumors at work now (I am a teacher):
• All four of our elementary schools are going to be broken up by grade level (A K-1 building, a 2-3 building, and a 4-5 one)
• We are currently working without contracts. Word on the street is that we will be required to pay a portion of our health insurance premiums on the new ones. I don’t care for this rumor at all.
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Move further out west … where everyone speaks with a definite Spanish twinge … and it becomes “I know, huh”? Gotta say it in full-bore George Lopez to get it …
I hear it at least 200 times a day and it makes me wanna hurl.
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How about “you get my drift?”, said in a conspiratorial fashion.
Or “know what I mean?” after every sentence. I just want to answer….”NO, I don’t get what you mean because you’re too dumb to say it so I can understand it.”
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A woman I used to work with used to say “score!” all the time. Such as:
Me: They gave me a free burrito at Taco Bell
Her: Score!
She’s around 30 years old. It sounded retarded, and I cringed every time she said it.
No real rumors at work. We all just wonder if we’re gonna be next in line with the layoffs. I wish Score Woman would get laid off
. I know that’s mean….but I really don’t care.
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Phrase I hate: I had an ex that would end a question with “Yes?”
Ex: I will catch you later, Yes?
I don’t know why but that bugged the piss out of me.
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I hate teenagers of all varieties. But the one’s I hate the most are the one’s that will not look you in the eye when you are speaking to them. When did it become socially acceptable to avoid eye contact? My Mom would have smacked me in the mouth if I failed to make eye contact with an elder that was speaking to me.
And I just called myself an elder. I think I need a drink. Some one hold me!
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Office rumors… They are only 4 of us. We talk shit about each other on a daily basis. One rumor is that there is a house in foreclosure. Another is that my boss is banging our concrete guy. Gross. Wonder what shit they are talking about me? Good thing that I don’t care, Right?
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Trisha, my 12 year old does that. And, to top it off, her hair is always hanging down completely concealing her right eye. And, when she can bring herself to speak to me, i have to get 4 inches away from her to hear what she’s saying, which is usually some smart ass remark. I do pop her in the mouth, it does no good. She only does this out in public, at home she’s normal. i don’t get it.
please, dear god, let it just be a phase.
(feverishly stuffing pubes into my shoe)
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I hate people who preface a question with the statement: “Quick question.” Just ask the damn question! You don’t need to tell me you’re gonna ask a question, nor do you have to tell me it’s gonna be “quick.” Just ask it, for chrissakes.
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And on another note, does anyone else feel they’re being gypped out of a prime WVSR report because Jeff decides to write a long Mockable diatribe?
Perhaps I should think of the glass as half full, and perceive that I’m getting twice as much — a posting on WVSR and one on Mockable too. But somehow I’m worried that I’ll forget to check Mockable, and miss out on a JayKay classic.
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When people use the word “sitch” for situation. Argh! It’s one thing to text in textspeak, and another one to actually speak it.
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I am guilty of the ” i know, right” i feel so ashamed. I just cant quit!!!
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@Swami Bologna – I just tell them “Well I got a quick answer!”
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@barndy – Just think of it this way, she has only 6 more years to go before she’s 18 and you can knock her out for giving you smart ass remarks.
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Damn my thumbsa are getting in the way, sorry Brandy…
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“Sitch” is a new one for me. But you know how it goes. Now that I’ve heard it I’ll keep hearing it.
I knew a guy that would end almost every sentence with “and all that.” For example: “He lost his job and all that.” or “They’re going to give him the electric chair and all that.” His wife was constantly saying, “and so on and so forth.”
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@ Yvonne — Recently, my students have begun to say “IDK” now when they don’t know the answer to something. I won’t allow it, as it doesn’t take any longer to say the actual words.
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@ retrollama – Just tell them because you are in school and you don’t know, bring me back a 500 word report on the subject so when your parents won’t ask me why I gave you an IDK for a grade.
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In the Pac-NW, everyone seems to say “Right on”, with the emphasis on the first word (right). Also, you never heard the word “husband” or “wife” or “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”: It ‘s always “Partner”.
Typical Pac-NW conversation –
PacNW person #1: “I’d like you to meet my partner Beatrice”
PacNW person #2: “Right on”
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@Swami – On the same note, I hate it when someone comes up to me and says “Can I ask you a question?”. You just did, dumbass!
When people say to me “I have a question”, my response is “I have an answer. I hope they match.”
I thought of something else that gets on my nerves….when I tell someone something, and their response is “really?”.
Me: I was busier than hell today at work.
Them: Really?
Me: No, not really, you dumb fuck.
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@ Lee Harvey Ramone – What ever happened to significant other? Must be some of that “domestic partnership” shit spilling over from Iowa.
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“Oh my gawd!! It was like soooo sunny outside, so I like put on my short top–the one like BRIT-nay wears–and asked my dad to like take me to the mall, and he was all “not if you’re dressed like that” and I was like “But dad, EVERYbody wears this” and he was all “not my daughter” and I was like “Oh my gawd! I can’t believe this!” and then he goes “put on something decent” so I was like “Fine!” so I like go to my room and put on this like loose long-sleeve blouse that like NOBODY would ever wear, and so he like dropped me off at the mall. And then I was all “I’m taking this off!” ’cause I still had on the BRIT-nay shirt, and then there was this guy there and he was all “Wow, look at you” and I was like….and he goes…and he was all…and like…and like….and like…”
Teen girl-speak. Hate it, dude.
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Oh, thought of another one (I’m on a roll today).
My mom likes to say “and them”, even when she’s only talking about one other person. For instance, she’ll be talking about my aunt and uncle and say “Aunt Pat and them”. I’ll ask her who the “them” is, and she’ll get all pissed.
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Well Jeff – they could always bring back “I heard that”. If it isn’t one damned thing its another.
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I am originally from chicago and living in Ga, my boyfriend could never figure out when I would say a sentence ” I am going out” and leave it at that. He always protested I needed a place, time, etc. Drove him nuts, but makes sense to me.
No work rumors here. I am a statistic also, my own personal sign of the times..jobless, insuranceless, blah blah blah
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I friggin hate hate it when my 8 year old starts a conversation with “Do you know what I did today?, Do you know what happened at school today?, Do you know what Cody said on the bus today?” No, I don’t friggin know, I wasn’t there, thus causing you to torment me so!
So maybe it’s not trendy speech but it bothers me, oh how it bothers me.
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and ya gotta love it when people finish a sentence with “ya know what I’m sayin”………. No ya dumb fucker…I don’t know the fuckin’ english language!…. Gawd that pisses me off…..
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The latest rumour is that the lease on our office space is up next year and it won’t be renewed. Since the recent downsizing at the company, there is now enough capacity in the other two offices in town to handle the 100 people in our office.
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Knowit I’m sayin, knowit I’m sayin sayin, knowit I’m sayin doe? STFU! Pisses me off. I gotta stop posting so much. Sorry.
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My mother (among others) frequently opens a conversation with “Did I already tell you this?” followed by a long pause as she waits for me to answer, but since I have no idea what the topic is, the only thing I can say is “I don’t know. You need to give me a subject line first.” Or sometimes I say something like, “My crystal ball is a little dirty, so please tell me what you’re on about.” After which Mother will tell me not to get smart with her, etc. I can’t win.
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no worries, Shiny Rod… i have a twin sister, so I’m only about 50% ever called by the right name anyway, I’ve gotten used to it.
My spawn will be officially an adult in 2015 at which point, she gets the boot. But the world is supposed to end in 2012, so I may get a break a little early.
she starts the sentences that i can actually hear with “oh my god, guess what!” and then waits for me to say “what?” This happens about 178 times each day.
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Effing “What’s the dealeo?” makes me stabby. Runner ups = My bad, “do me a solid”, that “owns” me.
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Mine turned 21 last year and when she starts a sentence with that line, I say “How much is it gonna cost me!”
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My teenage nephew now has to start every sentence with “swagga swagga”, WTF?
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Ah GOD! Thing 1 says BOTH, I know, right?” and “yeah, no”
He’s 13…firmly entrenched in the middle school ways of highly irritating behvior. Daggone it I’m glad it’s not just ME suffering.
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No office rumors here. The IT department won’t give us permission to start ‘em.
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Oh yeah, I forgot one. Up here we often end sentances with the Canadian Eh?.
How’s it goin’ eh?
I like it.
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So, it is funny you mention this…
I work in a mighty professional place with lots of smart folk. Why they let me in, I’ve still not figured out. Anyway, just the other day I was in a meeting where this really super smart guy was talking so fast that he was actually skipping over words.
Example – instead of saying “You know what I mean?” or even the shortened version “You know?” he would simply say, “You mean” and keep moving onto the next sentence. So it sounded like, “It is hot as cow piss in the summer, you mean, and I could use a beer.”
Though we are in Texas, this guy has a serious Boston accent, so it sounds even funnier. The other thing he would do is, start off new sentences with “Right, but, so…”
We have several people now who have shortened “Right, but, so” to just starting sentences with “So,” (Which I confess, I do when I write).
So, someone might ask a question, and these goofy people answer it with, “So, it is true that four out of five dentists do prefer Trident Sugarless chewing gum, blahbety, blah, blah.“
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the sarcastic “really?” as in ‘that’s the best you have for me’ has run it’s course. it all started I think on SNL when they initially had so much fun with Michael Vick.
I am guilty of taking part in slang that dumbs me down, and I must admit I still struggle also with “I know, Right?” and I cringe when I say it.
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I started saying “I know, right?” because I was making fun of someone else, and now I can’t stop. I’ll try harder. I’ve heard most of these annoying phrases, but I’m intrigued by “swagga swagga.” Shiny Rod, I need some examples. Can you use that in a sentence?
Office gossip: We have a shared printer, and someone printed out a confirmation page to a dungeon-type sex place in England. He happened to be going to England on a business trip, and the date of his dungeon reservation matched. It had a list of things you could check off that you wanted to experience, and the one that was checked off was “climax denial.” Do not google that. You’ve been warned. Everyone in the office heard about this, and the guy doesn’t know. He’s married, and is a holy roller.
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You know what? My 74 year old mother-in-law uses this term ad nauseum. Usually in a tone I would call “peak crowning bowel movement” The answer is always more trite than the last time she asked if we knew what. Usually something like “that’s what happens when (insert generic noun) does that” Gravity usually increases by a few ounces after each “revelation”.
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Wow Linda, that’s the best office gossip I’ve heard in a while. Wish I knew the guy so that I could hold it against him at some point in the future. I love the subtle torture of saying just enough to make someone sweat about whether I know the truth or if it’s all in his head.
The best gossip I ever heard was that so-and-so got a DUI and whats-his-name was busted for drug possession before his current job working on Wall Street. Oh, and I accidentally found a (long) list of the women DUI guy had slept with recently, which made me wonder if the health department was making him confess so that they could inform his recent partners that he had a raging STD. Of course, I have no proof of what the list was for, only a vivid imagination sometimes.
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Guilty of “I know. Right?”
My business partner and I started doing it to imitate one of our suppliers and it kind of stuck. Mostly it’s in text messages.
- We did $2000 at the shop today!
-Awesome!!
-I know. Right?
It still kind of makes me laugh. I try not to bring it into my everyday conversations.
I’m starting to really hate the word Dude. We have DUDE beer here now! WTF?
I know! Right?
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teen 1: whatev-uh!
teen 2: Saaaweeeet!
teen 1: I know, right?
teen 2: A’ight!
teen 1: Yeah, no.
teen 2: Blessed, ya know what I mean?
teen 1: Kinda’
teen 2: How ya doin? Good?
teen 1: Whatcha been up to? Nothing?
teen 2: Ya know? That’s totally legit.
teen 1: You got that right.
teen 2: Ya know what I’m saying?
teen 1: I know, huh?
teen 2: You get my drift? Know what I mean?
teen 1: Score! I will catch you later, Yes?
teen 2: Quick question, what’s the sitch and all that?
teen 1: So on and so forth
teen 2: IDK
teen 1: Right on, partner
teen 2: Can I ask you a question? Really?
teen 1: Oh my gawd! Like soooo BRIT-nay
teen 2: he was all “I was like”
teen 1: and them
teen 2: I heard that
teen 1: Do you know what I did today?
teen 2: Did I already tell you this?
teen 1: oh my god, guess what!
teen 2: swagga swagga, eh dude?
Some things just write themselves.
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GAH! “I know, right?” is currently my most hated sentence/phrase. Followed closely by the morons in south central pa that add “a while” onto questions.
The family is seated in Pizza Hut. Server walks over “Can I get you a drink a while?”
WTF is that?!?!? I’ve lived in the area for over 10 years now and every time I hear someone that I know personally say it, I ask them what in the hell it means. I have yet to get any real answer. Usually it’s about like this: “well… a while… like do you want a beer a while. you know? A while…” dumbasses!
Finally, although it isn’t a specific phrase, I want to remove my ear drums when people use the word literally incorrectly. Them: “it was so hot in my car I literally exploded.” Me: “Jackass!”
-me
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Sitch? That reminds me of delish – especially when guys use it. Awful.
Climax Denial? I googled it. I think it’s a band.
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“It is what it is”
What IS it or rather what is IT? I have a friend who literally inserted this phrase into the conversation 10 times in an hour. Of course, she was a little toasty at the time, but no excuse for that crime against humanity.
Since then, I’ve heard it repeated to the point I wanted to scream generally said in a portentous voice. “It is what it is.”
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Kids saying “like” every other word really pisses me off!
I suggest that it be changed to “Not dissimilar to”, yea, let the little bastards choke on that!
ALSO
Ebonics from white kids as they end every malformed sentence with “YO” whilst pointing their stubby little fingers in various “meaningful” directions.
If I had hair I’d be running my hand through it!
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I hate to hear “shore” instead of “sure”
YES! There IS a difference
My teens:
I tell them
(and sometimes as a parent you have to spell this out)
You can talk to your ghetto friends any way you like but when you talk to ME or anyone else in this house PROPER ENGLISH is required.
I may understand the slang, but I stand there looking mean and say could you please repeat that because I have NO idea what you just said.
Instant correction and good American children *snap*
It is my goal to form them into transformers. They have to understand certain situations and mimic what is proper in each of them. Life skills.
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…”what evs”
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‘Wait for it…. wait for it…..’
That was funny the first 50 times I heard it. Not as much now.
‘Know what I’m saying’ after every sentence makes me want to poke my eardrums with a pointy object.
Help a sister out:
Someone needs to explain swagga swagga to me.
I am old and still don’t understand most text speak – so a little primer on that would be good too. And do you have a sound byte of the screeching door voice? I think I get what you mean… but I’m not sure.
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I KNEW that post on mockable was yours!
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“What it is, is . . .”
I could fucking kill someone for saying that. The worst part is that it’s one of those phrases people say because they think it makes them sound smarter. It’s probably here to stay.
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Damn, what’s up with all the commenters on yesterday’s Mockable? Jeff got their panties in a bunch.
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I almost forgot how much I hate “knowlamsayin’?”
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I can’t stand “so with that being said”. I hear it everywhere.
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And “whatnot”.
What are you doing?
Oh, just watching tv and whatnot.
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Wow- Just read the comments on Mockable- Pretty harsh shit.
Jeff- Do New York next!
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My Dad (79) will say some really goofy crap and then end off with, “You know that?” Like the time he said “Dan Rather is a communist…you know that?…like it’s common knowledge and I haven’t been filled in on the information. And there is no answer to that ‘questuon’. If you say yes, you just agreed with him. Say no I didn’t know that…well…you can see that wouldn’t work either. Or…”That goddamn guy should have been traded last year, you know that?” And the time he said Harry Carey “should be put in a wheelchair and run off a goddamn cliff…you know that?” The fuck Dad??? Just building blocks for my sense of humor and high degree of tolerance.
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Damn Jeff,
Somebody posted your mockable rant on metafilter today. The comments are getting a bit nasty.
Personally, I’m not digging mockable. I read the WVSR regularly, have read all of the archives, subscribe to the recaps, read the suggestaholic, even read the updates from Buck and the rest, but I’m not going to keep up with mockable. I think its the title. Like a bitch session looking for a reason to happen. Surly.
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@tadpolegal…THAT”S FUNNY!!!!
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@ Linda and Karin – Swagga = one’s own unique style or personality that sets them apart from anyone else.
No one on the corner have swagga like us Swagga like us, swagga swagga like us No one on the corner have swagga like us Swagga like us, swagga swagga like …
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Can’t stand when people preface a question by saying just the word “question.”
ex. Question. (pause) do you know… blah blah…
Also, people who come up to you and just say a name, as if you are supposed to know what they want.
ex. Gerald Ford…… (loooooooong pause, looking me right in the eye, as if to communicate telepathically)… did he enjoy beer and nachos?
Ugghhhh! I wish they would catch a rogue comet with their face!
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It is starting to drive me crazy that more and more people are starting sentences with “so”. “So” is an alternative to “thus”, “Therefor”, meaning “it follows that…”. But it as it is being used, the sentence or thought that follows is not a conclusion based on wjat that person, or the person they are speaking with, previously said. It is as useless and annoying as starting every sentence with “Uhhh” or inseting “like” 3 times in every sentence. I just heard this within the last couple of weeks but it seems to be a pandemic worse than Swine Flu!
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So, it’s worse than the goddamn swine flu. That’s, like, crazy.
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