I have some good news, and some bad news. Well, that might be a little overly dramatic… The good news isn’t exactly a definite, especially considering the people involved, and the bad news isn’t all that bad. I mean, seriously.
The bad: Starting on Friday I’m turning my life over to my “book.” Not the Good Book, but the “book” I’m writing. I want to have it finished by November 1, and believe it can be done. But that means the days of surprise Friday updates are over for awhile and, in fact, I might have to skip a few Thursdays here and there.
I’m also temporarily cutting back on my Mockable duties. Metten and guest columnists will take up the slack, and if you’d like to chip in with an update or two, we’d love to have you. Send your submissions to mockable[at]gmail dotcom.
Other than that, nothing much should change around here. See… not such a big deal.
I do have two more yurt sessions scheduled, one in September and another in October, so those weeks will probably be extra-jacked. But we’ll burn that bridge clean down when we get to it.
And yes that’s correct, a yurt. I know they’re kinda, well, mockable. But I’m telling you… I was a freaking word processor the last time I went into one of those hippie huts. And I also think it resulted in the funniest stuff I’ve written for the book so far. So I’m doing it again, and again.
What I guess I’m saying is, the updates will probably be a bit more sporadic than normal. I’m going to try to keep it to a minimum, but the book project is going to be a priority for the next couple of months. I have to get it done, once and for all.
So, please don’t think I’m losing interest in the Surf Report. ‘Cause that ain’t gonna happen. Unless, of course, I have a massive stroke, or get hit by a salad truck, or something. That could complicate matters…
The good news: Intelligence sources report an increase in chatter about a possible Christmas invasion, here at the Surf Report compound. And I’m talking about Nancy, Banana Nostrils, the translucents, hammerhead, and (possibly) Sunshine & Mumbles.
Yep, the whole gang. Ho, ho, ho.
Toney asked me what I thought about it, and I remembered how I struggled with last week’s updates. And I said, “Tell ‘em OK! We’d love to have them!!”
See? Who’s losing interest in the cause? Certainly not me. Shit, I should be given a Purple Heart for my sacrifice.
I’ll keep you posted. Nancy and the gang will very likely be here, but S&M are always a wildcard. We probably won’t know what they’re doing until the day they leave Nevada. Even then, things could change. Sunny might have some kind of “antibiotics” episode in Nebraska or Iowa, and receive a lifelong Amtrak ban.
And speaking of Nancy… they’re apparently having a tough time adjusting to Norf (or is it Souf?) Carolina. The timing was off, and they weren’t able to enroll their kids in the “alternative” school they attended before. And that means they’re in regular public schools for the first time ever…
The oldest see-through is now in fifth grade, so he’s sat around on couches from K thru 4, never received a real grade, and interacted with other pasty-ass hippie children exclusively. And I guess those l’il Southerners can smell blood in the water… Heh.
He’s reportedly mocked daily because of his long Robin Zander hair, his freaky clothes, his strange name, and his general weirdness.
A group of large black girls “who are already developing” give him a daily ration of shit, I hear. They comment on the stuff mentioned above, and also his constant nose-picking, snorting, and lip-smacking.
No word on his penchant for public wiener-flicking, but I’ll let you know if there’s any news on the subject.
He’s also used to an environment where everything is shared, and private property is a dirty word. So, if he wants to use one of the girls’ pencils, or whatever, he just picks it up. And they holler, “Oooooh! Don’t touch my stuff, booger boy!! You’re going to give me swine flu.”
Nancy is beside herself, but she created this situation. She insisted on turning her kids into human oddities, and there are consequences to such a thing. She made them play with dolls, wear “skirts,” and gave them names that cause people to laugh out loud. Heck, the oldest boy supposedly wore a pink t-shirt covered in drawings of “endangered species” on his first day of school.
So, I feel a little sorry for the kid, but not Eninen. You reap what you sow, right?
And I find it interesting how Nancy repeatedly mentions the race of the girls. What does that have to do with anything? Super-liberal Nancy shouldn’t even notice it. If I were to do something like that, she’d say, “Well, he’s from West Virginia, you know. He’s probably a klansman.”
Nancy also has a big hang-up about the girls having breasts in fifth grade, this clearly bothers her a great deal.
Hey, who the hell knows? Nothing can be gained by trying to figure it out… But I guess the translucents are not having a very good time of it, at the hands of their less enlightened classmates. How utterly shocking.
In fact, Nancy herself has received a bit of open mockery. For reasons unknown, she walks around town with ski poles. She tries to walk everywhere, because of the environment you know, and uses ski poles. Is that not hilarious? I submit that it is.
So, she’s walking to work in dress clothes, a giant backpack filled with soy or whatever, and two poles. Apparently people have yelled sarcastic remarks at her from passing cars, and at least one person asked if she’s handicapped.
She couldn’t wait to get out of Canada, and back to North (South?) Carolina, but now the pendulum has already started swinging back the other way. She (as well as Sunshine) are never happy with their current situation: never! Before year’s end, Nancy will be circulating her resume again, looking to move somewhere else. Mark my words.
And Nostrils just keeps going along with it… I guess that’s what happens when you suffer from ESS (Empty Sac Syndrome), right?
I don’t really have a Question for you today. Maybe you can report one piece of good news and one piece of bad news from your life? Use the comments section to bring us up to date. Or you can just discuss Nancy and her poles, I don’t know…
I’ll see you guys tomorrow.