OK, I voted. But I have some concerns. I think there might be some shenanigans going on — which are not unusual inside the great state of Pennsylvania. Please consider my experiences and observations, and make of them what you will.
- Sometimes our polling place is in the school administration building, and other times it’s at the fire station. I didn’t check it this year, and WENT TO THE WRONG PLACE! I was then forced to get back in my car, and drive to the polling station. Voter suppression? You make the call.
- While driving the two blocks to the fire station, my head swimming in confusion and panic, I was stuck behind a woman who looked like a prawn in a winter coat, driving a Chrysler LeBaron. She appeared to be 98 years old, give or take, and was moving through the streets at 17 mph. An operative, trying to gum up the works? We’ll probably never know for sure.
- The old man who greeted me inside the polling place was eating a pastry of some sort. He directed me to the correct line… and continued eating his bear claw or whatever. I noticed he was wearing a Cape May sweatshirt. Then, when it was almost my turn, he chuckled, “God, I’m eating like a pig this morning.” And a chill went through me… Was it a veiled threat of some sort?
- One of the women behind the folding table waved me over, and asked for my name. Previously they asked for my address, as well, but this time they wanted to see a piece of photo ID! In the United States of America!! Under protest I reached into my pocket, found my driver license, and showed it to her. And now I know what it must have been like on the Bataan Death March.
- I voted for three people, but didn’t know anything about the rest of them. I felt stupid, and ill-informed — the goddamn auditor?? — and could sense my dignity being stripped away from me. Is this by design? It’s an interesting question, isn’t it?
- The old guy with the coffee cake took my completed ballot, tore off a receipt from the bottom, and instructed me to feed the rest of it into a machine. “Face down, or face up?” I asked. “Doesn’t matter,” he answered, cheerfully. But DOES it matter?
- Since I was out, and it was almost noon, I decided to order a pizza from a place in town. They’re only $5 from 11 to 2 every day, and are pretty damn good. With pepperoni it’s $6, but it’s still cheaper than Wendy’s — for a whole pie. So, I called them and placed my order, and they wanted to know my phone number! What’s happening to this country?! It felt like somebody was twisting a scuba diver’s tank into my anus.
- While driving to the pizza joint, I saw TWO cars with Kansas plates. Two of them! We’re in northeastern Pennsylvania, and I’m seeing Kansas plates all willy-nilly? Can it be any more clear than that, people. My god!
I hope my experience was unusual. Please tell me if you encountered such things where you live. I hate to be an alarmist, but I’m starting to fear for our future, my friends. Bring us up to date on the problems you might have encountered today.
And I’ll see you again tomorrow. Hopefully.