The West Virginia Surf Report!

Several Unrelated Things

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I think I need to buy a new set of tires for my Camry.  They’re the same ones the car came with, when I bought it three years ago, and they’re starting to go a little Garfunkel on me.

And since I drive almost forty miles to work, and the weather reports are now featuring the word “snow,” I think I’d better bite the bullet and get it done.  I’m going to take it to Sam’s on Saturday, and tell ’em to hook me up.

I like Sam’s for tires, because they post a price, and that’s what it costs.  Other places insist on pissing me off by adding fee upon fee (stem fee, mounting and balancing fee, disposal fee, revenue-enhancement fee, fee for adding fees, etc.) and completely changing the complexion of the whole deal.

At Sam’s, at least, you know what you’re getting yourself into.  You might not like it, but you know where you stand.

Like I’ve said many times before, though, I hate spending money to get back to where I was yesterday.  You know, like when the washing machine shits the bed, and that sort of thing?  This isn’t exactly one of those situations, the tires will be newer and safer, but it’s close.

I mean, they’re tires.  Hundreds of dollars for sharper, more luxurious grooves?  It’s hard to work up a good enthusiasm for such a thing…

Pass the beer nuts.

When I was a kid there was a telephone number you could call, to find out what time it is.  Is that not hilarious?  And everybody used it.  In fact, I still remember the number:  344-5111.  Does it still work?  Any Charleston area readers want to test it for me?

Nowadays, of course, it’s not too difficult to get the correct time.  In most cases, in fact, it’s not even necessary for us to swivel our heads (thank God).  It can be found on computers, cell phones, DVD players, the coffee maker, the kitchen stove, the toilet paper dispenser, a meat loaf sandwich…

But in a bygone era (the 1970s), the current time was more elusive and mysterious, I guess.  And we had to make a series of telephone calls.

“The time is… four seventeen.”  Wonder what happened to that woman?  She always seemed a little smug to me, like she was lording it over us.  But it was hard not to appreciate the way she milked the suspense, like Regis on Who Wants to Win a Substantial Amount of Money?, or whatever that show was called.

Many years ago there was a local “comedy” show on public television in our area, called Dick’s Half-Hour.  I wrote two scripts for it, and one featured the “time lady,” being held hostage by the phone company.

She was kept in a room, you see, with nothing but a desk, a chair, and a phone.  And they forced her to tell callers the correct time, 24 hours a day.  The best part of the skit was when the door opened, someone yelled “food!” and threw in a sandwich bag.

I was supposed to be paid fifty dollars for this so-called humor, but I guess the check got lost in the mail?

And speaking of time, I’ve never worn a watch in my life.  Is that unusual?  Toney thinks it’s nuts, but I just don’t like things strapped to my body.  Perhaps if I added a counter-weight to the other side?  Yeah, I don’t think that’s really the problem…

I’ve been given several nice watches as gifts, especially during my high-flying record weasel years, but they’ve all gone into the flat drawer, above the underwear and socks.  I have no interest whatsoever.

For a few days, many years ago, I bowed to social pressure and experimented with wearing a watch.  And it’s just not for me.  I might be convinced to tie a thermometer to my leg, but a clock on my forearm is out of the question.

And you know how I said the word “snow” was starting to work its way into local weather forecasts?  Well, check this out.  It’s not even November yet!  I guess I shoulda bought those tires last weekend?

I need a little help with something…  This morning, before I hoisted my heft off the platform, Toney says the power went off.  Probably because of the heavy-ass snow weighing everything down.  And when it came back up, her computer wouldn’t connect to the internet.

I have the cable going into the wireless router, then continuing directly into my machine.  Her computer connects to the internet through an antennae-type device, and it’s been working perfectly for several years.

I fired up the laptop, and it connected to the network with no problem, so the router is working.

I think the antennae might’ve (as we say back home) blowed-up.  When we plug it into a USB port, the computer recognizes something is there, but can’t figure out what it is.  We’ve tried various ports, and it just doesn’t work.  Also, the light on the device doesn’t stay on anymore.

It’s fried, isn’t it?  Any ideas?

Finally, I’m going to leave you with a question from the Stealing Clive Bull’s Topics desk:  What do you think is the best TV theme song?  I’d have to go with Green Acres, The Addams Family, and Malcolm in the Middle. What do you think?  Use the comments link below.

And I’m going to get ready for work now, and prepare to slip and slide my way to the office.

See ya tomorrow, I hope.

Now playing in the bunker.

Comments

  1. Our T&T number still works. I think I recall using that number not so much for the time but for the temperature in the morning whenever I woke up and needed to decide what to wear (sweater or shirt?). Now I just stumble over to the window and touch it to see how cold it is… or take the dog out to see if my balls retreat or not.

    Best theme songs were either A-Team or Dukes of Hazard… I forgot about theme songs since I probably haven’t seen/heard one since the invention of TiVo.

  2. Oh, and I haven’t worn a watch since 7th grace when I got my first cell phone… that was, like, 15 years ago maybe? There was a time when I was one of those ridiculous cargo-pants wearing gadget freaks with 2 cell phones, a palm pilot and god knows what else in my pockets… and this was before cell phones were the size of a kidney bean.

  3. How about songs that if you never saw the show in your life, the theme song would get you up to speed regarding the plot? Brady Bunch, Gilligan’s Island, and Beverly Hillbillies come to mind.

  5. Spongebob Squarepants!

    I used to wear a digital watch every day, ever since they came out, as a matter of fact. But two years ago I got a cellphone that tells me the time, which sort of made a watch redundant. However, over the summer when I foolishly signed up for an ass-munching, panty-twisting, spleen-busting aerobics class from hell, I wore a watch….just so I would know exactly how many more minutes of pain I would have to endure.

  6. I used to work in radio. Not only did we check the time using the “time line”, we also got the temp using the same method. In fact, we were supposed to call the time line in Huntington and one other community served by our radio station. We never did call the second community. We just made it up—just like they do today 🙂

  7. Theme songs…

    Green Acres
    The Double Life of Henry Phyfe (1 season starring Red Buttons)
    True Blood (“I Want To Do Bad Things With You”)

    Watches are ok…can’t grill w/o a geek digital with a stopwatch, though.

  8. the Sopranos theme song & True Blood (on HBO) always do it for me.

    I haven’t worn a watch since my Cinderella watch in the early days.

  9. Pickles, I’m not a tire salesman. I’ve sold cars, so I guess to a point I’ve sold tires, but never exclusivley.

    But it’s nice to know that I’ve got another fall back just in case. In 14 months I expect to be an RN, but if I was out the first place I’m going is going to be Discount Tire. Apparently I’m a natural!

    So many theme songs. And I don’t think I’ve heard a poor suggestion yet.

  11. Jeff Kay, you are such a youngster! Back in my day, out in seattle is just a 3 digit number to get the time.
    Fast forward 40 years, and here in Alaska people still call my work number at all hours of the day asking, “Can you tell me the correct time?” Seems that 20 to 30 years ago, the phone book misprinted the number for the correct time, and used the number of my workplace instead.
    Weird thing is, when we tell people the time, we HAVE to append the AM or PM. 3 o’clock in the afternoon in Nome in the Winter is just as dark as 3 o’clock in the morning.

  12. Without a question, the two best tv theme songs are for “Rescue Me” and “The Shield.” And I stand by that answer.

    I remember the time lady. I think we also used to have more power outages back then and fewer things that had back up batteries. (shrugs). Ours was 555-1212.

    As for watched, I don’t wear them either an the only time I really want one is when I fly. I rely on my cell for the time and since I can’t use that on the plane I have no way of knowing what time it is. That really irritates me.

  14. Back home in Anchorage, the T&T # was 844, and seein as how I’m in OR now, I dunno if it still works. I also dunno what the # is here in Portland.

    Best TV themes? Gotta go with my old stoner favorite “The Golden Girls” ah yes, skipping 5th hour to get high and make fun of Dorothy’s shoulder pads…those were the days.

  15. I get happy when I hear the theme to Curb Your Enthusiasm and Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

    I quit wearing a watch in the late 90s. about the time I gave up an alarm clock. the alarm clock especially annoyed me, to the point that I’d somehow wake up seconds before it would go off just so I could switch it off and avoid that loud, grinding, day-ruining screech! hated it so much. not a good way to start the day.

    so I decided that if I could program myself to wake up when I needed to, then I’d totally do away with the evil thing. well, i do keep it in case I need to get up to catch a flight or whatever. it ain’t natural

  18. Favorite theme songs: Scrubs, Andy Griffith, Dukes of Hazard along with my perennial favorite, How I met your mother…something about that jazzy tune just makes me smile. As for watches, I own two gunmetal gray Fossil 9-pounders, both presents from my godmother, and those suckers are heavy, but I don’t think I could go without. As for time and temperature, It has been replaced with the number to a man who sells janitorial supplies…too bad, I miss hearing “The time is now x:xx and the temperature is XX degrees under fair conditions”

  19. how about “The Jefferson’s”….Now were movin on up to da Eastside……

    I love “Miami Vice theme”…Jan Hammer

    The theme from “Battle for Ozzfest “was a beautiful orchestral bit from Dimmu Borgir. It would make the most awesome theme for NFL. Too bad no one has ever heard of this band but me : (

  23. Jeff, I hope you are buying Winter tires for the Camry, not All-Season tires. Somehow, I really doubt it though.

    To put it simply, All-Season tires are a huge compromise in all season’s. Winter tire technology has made leaps and bounds in the last 10 years. You will not believe how much better they are in the ice/snow/slush than All-Season’s. I’m not talking about those big lug, old school winter truck tires…I’m refering to the winter compound Blizzak style. Based on where you live, it is way safer and much more cost effective in the long run to have two sets of tires for your car. Seriously, the difference between Winter tires and All-Season’s is astounding. No more ass puckering stormy commutes home. Make the switch once and you will never go back.

    Should you trust my opinion on tires? Well a) I worked in a garage installing tires (among other things) for 7 years, b) I currently drive a race car where tire grip and handling are of the upmost importance and c) my street car is a ’94 Mustang GT 5.0 that I drive all year long in Canada…generally thought of to be terrible in winter driving, throw the Dunlop Graspics on her and the Mustang is awesome and confidence inspiring in the snow.

    I’ll get off the soapbox now but seriously, there is simply no other way to go. GET WINTER TIRES.

  24. O.K. I obviously have one foot in the grave but surely BONANZA has to be an all time great!

    who on this website can pretend they don’t know:”love exciting and new”! O.K. Lousy song but 60 mins of the best Cheese on T.V.!

  25. Wow. No mention of the theme song from “Mission: Impossible,” though “Hawaii 5-0” is probably a hair better. Slight tangent: The Best rock song homage to a TV show is probably Radio Birdman’s “Aloha, Steve and Danno,” which steals the main riff and triple-times it.

    Got to get a line to Danno.
    Got to pick up his gun.
    Get out an APB.
    Chinn is going to tell you why.

    Government says it’s high priority.
    Washington says so too.
    Tell him to get here fast.
    5-0’s on the move.

    CHORUS:
    Steve I gotta say Thank You,
    For all you’ve done for me.
    The nights are dark and lonely,
    When you’re not on TV.

    There’s an agent in the field.
    I wanna have him tailed.
    He’s staying at the Hilton.
    He should be staying in Jail.

    He’s working for the KGB,
    And here’s his dossier.
    The Feds won’t be happy,
    If this guy gets away.

    CHORUS!

    Don’t talk about espionage.
    Hands on a bale of White.
    Steve is one cool guy.
    Danno’s gonna tell you why.

    Steve and Danno, they made the scene.
    The agent had done his deed.
    They saw the stiff; They saw the gun.
    They said “Book him, Danno, murder one!”

    CHORUS!

    REFRAIN:
    Book him, Danno, murder one!

  27. I agree with the people voting for The Sopranos for best theme song, but The Office is damn close (even though it doesn’t have any lyrics).

  28. Jeff, if you didn’t get the wireless to work yet, make sure you completely uninstall it from the Device Manager in the Control Panel. Then unplug it, reboot and reinstall the software before plugging it back in.
    Good luck.
    Erik in Follansbee

  30. I agree with Kevindust on the winter tires. They are like A/C – once you have it you’ll never go back. I have a studded set on my Highlander and didn’t have to shovel once last winter.

    It seems the weather has turned upside down. Up here in New Brunswick the temp has been in the 60’s (F, not C), and pouring rain. And there is no snow in the 7-day forecast, which is unusual for this time of the year in this part of the country.

  31. I’m not sure which show uses it, but “Who Are You” by that British band is both catchy and appropriate.

  32. Good2go,
    I think that’s the theme song to CSI. I used to watch it but the main character was just to weird for me. Cutting open bugs and whatnot.

  34. Yea what he said! I had the theme song to the A-team on my phone voice mail message for like a year. People used to call and when I’d answer they’d say, “hang up, I’m calling you back to here the voice mail message!”

    Did I miss something, not a single Law & Order? Your slipping here people.

    Does anyone remember “Pete & Pete”? I like the theme song and it featured all kinds of weird cameos.

    Old theme songs were so much better than new ones. Here’s just a few of the “classics” (IMO)

    A-Team, Emergency!, Miami Vice, The Outer Limits, Twilight Zone, Rawhide, Law & Order, and of course my all time favorite, Hill Street Blues….

    “Let’s Be Careful Out There”

  36. I woke up in the midde of the night and thought “Hey, we all forgot Hawaii Five O!”

    Then I went back to sleep. Then I woke up and saw that bucdaddy was on the ball.

    But seriously, why am I waking up thinking about this?

  39. JEFF don’t buy the 60,000( or higher) mile tire. They are to hard and in cold weather they suck from the ass in. Stick to 40,000 mile M&S rated tires. This is important… The M&S is mud and snow. AND it looks like you really need the “S” part.
    The Andy griffith show was the best. I am with ya Son of Sam…

  42. Dexter “feme tune” chills me.

    I have no advice on tires.

    I am so near sighted that I can not see a bedside clock. I always need to know what time it is when I wake up in the middle of the night. So, for many years, I have worn a watch. I am on my seventh year w/ this TAG. The only problem is that I have to send it away in the mail for 2-3 weeks to get battery changed since it has to go to an authorized center. Then I am stuck wearing a Swiss Army that I’ve have forever– and since I haven’t worn it since the last time I sent my Tag in; the battery is always dead.

    So, no clock in the bedroom for many years– hey I get up when I feel like it okay?? Actually, I got up when the sun hit my east-facing window. Then I decided to try to help adjust to seasonal darkness that most of us suffer because of daylight savings. I got one of those gradual light up clocks– and guesss what– it works well. I get up easily and not freaked out with blaring alarms or what have you. If you have a few pennies around you might want to think about it.

    My Father-in-Law looked around our house 2 years ago and said– I’m going to buy you guys a nice clock! There’s no clock in this house. — I walked him around and showed him the clock on the stove, the clock on the microwave and the clock on the cable box. Then the clocks on all of our cell phones and the computers and telephones. We didn’t get a clock for the house.

    You can watch all of the Pete and Pete shows on the internet. I love that show– my son hated it. I had to watch it on the sly.

    51 degrees on the way to work at 8:25 am. Usually Halloween is so hot that the kids end up taking off their custumes.

  43. NO watches…ever, can’t stand crap on my wrist’s.

    Best TV theme songs…Gotta go with Carla on her 2 “Sesame Street and Duck Tales (a woo hoo)” I would also have to add The Facts of Life…which is now stuck in my head..damn it.

    Also, Thank You for the further evidence video, it’s nice to know where my son can get information on exactly how much and what type of crap he can fit in his pants…shit!

  44. I always wore a watch at work until one day this summer when the battery died. It took me a few days to get a new battery, but by then I had gotten used to looking at the laptop instead of at my arm.

  46. I, too, have chosen to walk through life without feeling compelled to glance at my wrist 4,300 times a day. In an era in which computer screens, microwaves, car dashboards, cell phones, microwave ovens, and television components all display the time, watch use is irrelevant.
    The only time I feel the need to pack a timepiece is when I’m on backpacking trips and don’t want to be dayhiking past dark, so I pack a $10 pocket watch and consult it on a need-to-know basis.
    By the way, driving on new tires, after thumping around on worn ones, makes your Camry ride like a Lexus.

  48. @Ognir Nice Janet Barbe link

    @Jeremy. I have to agree with Dukes of Hazard since it was the only tv theme song I purchased. (I had the 45)

    @ShninyRod I would have said reload the drivers too. The light out indicates driver issue or fried-ness. If you have uninstalled and reinstalled it (via the disk) you are looking at yet another purchase that brings you back to yesterday.
    Sorry.

  49. Yeah, we had a number in my hometown growing up, which was known as “Time & Temperature.” It gave you the … you know, time and temperature when you called. And one day, by pure happenstance, my buddy’s phone line got crossed with the Time & Temp number. So for a good portion of that day, we took calls and told people the time and temperature. Of course, the time we got pretty much right. But the temp, we didn’t know. So we’d make up figures that sounded good at the moment (in a range, as I recall, from 60 degrees to 120 degrees). And sometimes we’d just talk to people who called. Like, “Time & Temperature, may I help you?” They’d invariably flounder for a moment or two before haltingly asking for the time and the temperature. Those were heady days, my friends, heady days.

  50. Oh, and I’m a half-wearer, half-non-wearer on the watch. Sometimes I feel like a watch, sometimes I don’t. The best watch I ever had was a quartz jobby I got from Godfather’s Pizza for $1 (with purchase of a large pizza). It lasted for years and years, and even though it wasn’t supposed to be waterproof, it survived any number of total submergings. I wore the damn thing until I lost it, and never managed to kill it. Sometimes, I get all wistful and look out my twilight window, wondering where ol’ watchie is now. Sniff, sniff …

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