Service animals, outdated phrases, and dreams of solitude
Over the weekend Toney and I noticed several seeing eye dogs inside stores. Well, that’s probably not what they’re called anymore… What is it now, service animals? In any case, we happened upon an inordinate number of them.
But I don’t think they’re just for the blind anymore. Is that correct? One of the people we saw was hanging out in the magazine section of Target, tethered to a spaniel wearing saddlebags. She wasn’t blind, she was reading Vanity Fair.
So, what the hell? What do you guys know about this? What do they have dogs doing nowadays? I’m behind the times on this deal.
And have you also noticed an uptick in the number of these so-called service animals? In the old days entire years might go by without us seeing one, and now they’re all over the place.
Speaking of outdated phraseology, there’s a woman I, um, come in contact with on a regular basis (purposely vague), who talks about “colored people,” and “Orientals,” and a whole host of words dating to the Johnson Administration. And she’s younger than I am.
For some reason I find this to be hilarious, and have to hide my amusement from her. She’s not meaning to be offensive, she’s just stuck on old terms.
She also says, “Oh, don’t go there!” which is probably the freshest and hippest phrase in her arsenal. I have a feeling she picked it up from Oprah, but I could be way off on it.
Do you know anyone like this? A person who talks about the “crippled,” and epileptics having “fits,” and the “Chinaman” who runs the dollar store? If so, we need to hear about it.
And why do I find it so amusing?
I don’t mention it very often, but I spend most Fridays at the library working on my “book.” I still have an agreement with a literary agent, who wants me to deliver a full manuscript. In the early days we batted ideas back and forth, but now that we’ve settled on an idea, the ball is in my court. Which isn’t nearly as much fun…
I’ve got a lot of it written, but am feeling an urge to turn up the heat a bit. It seems to be dragging at this point. I’d like to go somewhere for a few days, with my laptop, and write uninterrupted for ten or twelve hours per day.
Nostrils talked about this recently. He is, of course, writing his “pirate novel,” and was toying with the idea of renting a cottage by the sea for a week. Not at the beach, but by the sea. Wotta douche.
When he was discussing it, he hadn’t written a single word. But he believed he could knock out the first draft of an entire 400 page novel in a week. You know, under the right circumstances. Hilarious.
It’s a little disturbing to have similar thoughts as Nostrildamus. But I’d feel a lot better if I had another ten thousand words in the can, and I think that’s doable in a week or so. I don’t need to book a week at a bed and breakfast overlooking the Mediterranean, or anything like that, I’d just need some peace and quiet.
Toney brought up my parents’ house. They spend winters in Florida, and won’t be returning to West Virginia until late April. So, I could theoretically go there and be undisturbed. And check this out: their cable is turned off, they have no internet, and the phone is disconnected.
Sounds perfect, huh? There would be no distractions whatsoever. None.
For an hour or so I considered it, but it doesn’t really make sense. It would require a full day’s drive each way, and that’s just a huge waste of time. If they lived closer I’d probably give it a shot, but their house is more than 500 miles from here.
I think it would be especially interesting to see how I would respond to no TV and no internet. I think I could handle the former, but the latter would be very difficult. I’d probably start having “fits.”
Have you ever been cut off from all media for extended periods? How did you cope? It sounds like it would be cathartic, but I bet reality wouldn’t be quite so sweet. Tell us about your experiences on this subject.
Also, if you were forced to give up TV or the internet, which would you choose? I’d have no trouble with that one, since I watch very little television, but what about you?
And I need to iron a shirt now, and get my big riffled ass out of here.
Have a great day, my friends.
I’ll see you tomorrow.
Filed under: Daily
first>?
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yeah baby!
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oh my…
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hot damn!
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Hello??
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Book!
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Top 10 x2!!
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“Service dogs” can also encompass what are called “seizure dogs” – I encountered some this weekend as well. The “saddlebags” (this post has a lot of quotation marks) can hold medicine, directions, emergency hotline cellphone, etc.
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TV vs. Internet? TV loses in a heartbeat. There’s little on anymore that I really want to watch. Back in my dressed in green days, we used to go for good stretches without any media, news or anything. The six day old Stars and Stripes that was unfortunate enough to make its way to us with chow would get devoured within minutes.
Still waiting for that mechanic recommendation, Kanawhans.
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Eight!?
Did it already – I’m internet only. Phuque TV!!!
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My recession plan has me cancelling cable before cancelling the internet. The daily newspaper (except for Sunday) is ready to go any day now.
Jeff, You can ‘write’ into a tape recorder as you drive to WV. Just like a busy Hollywood Executive. Do not forget a radio.
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Curses, a near miss…
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Jeff – Just saw this story about service animals this morning. I’m not sure it answers your questions, but it is definitely amusing.
http://www.abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=7157206
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Gimp…..someone with a really bad limp.
“The boy who had fits fell down the steps. While he isn’t a total cripple, he’s a gimp.”
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I go fishing in Canada for a week in May. No TV, no phone, no internet, no newspaper, no fish (oh, wait – that depends on where you fish) – seriously, my brother-in-law comes but has to make a 75 mile trip into town on Wednesday to get caught up on baseball scores. He now brings his XM Radio (great reception up there) so we do listen to some sports. The benefit to the rest of the group is that he brings back some ice cream ($9 per half-gallon). For that week, I don’t miss any of the connections to the “real” world.
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TV vs internet is easy because if you give up TV you can still watch your shows on the internet.
As far as being without either? my computer completely died smoke and all on the 4th of July at like 8 pm I bought a new one July 5th at like 5 pm and while I was waiting I used my Wii to connect to the internet to stop the DT shakes thing I had going on
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You never hear anyone refer to the male genitalia as a “peter” anymore either.
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..
I’ve always wanted a helper monkey. Not that I’m disabled in any way, I just think how cool it would be to have a little hominid at my beck and call…
“Helper monkey, get me a beer!”
“Helper monkey, bring in the mail”
“Helper monkey, be a dear and let the dog out and feed the cats”
Yeah, a helper monkey would be bad ass.
On the topic of non politically correct vernacular and coloquilisms, my Grandma , rest her soul, was the champ.
She always said Coloreds until one day when I asked her what color were they?
She then accused me of “being smart” and then went off on a rant about the EYE-talians.
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Give up TV or the internet? Add in no phone and it is the very definition of the perfect vacation. I have done this down in Tybee Island several times and it is wonderful. Just walks, reading, painting and big fat margaritas on the beach…or is it “by the sea”? Well, if you are making the drinks right it won’t matter.
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I spent a week on a sailboat sailing the Florida Keys last fall, without any contact with the outside world at all. The World Series was going on, and my favorite team is the Phillies, and I didn’t even know who won the first two games until I got back home and watched ‘em on my DVR (I purposely didn’t look at any newsstands in the airports on the flight back, so that I could re-live the games without knowing the outcome).
But that week on the sailboat was with four other humans, and constantly doing stuff (i.e., sailing). A few years ago I spent a week all by myself in a cabin in the Adirondack mountains with no electricity. The first couple of days were great — I spent them reading books while sitting on a dock on a lake. But after two days I got very bored. Very, very bored. And spent the remaining days drinking about three or four bottles of wine a day, simply out of boredom. It was a refreshing break from life, but I was very glad to get back to civilization.
The bottom line, I believe, is that a week with no contact with news / TV / Internet / etc. is great when you’re with other people and doing something fun and active. But when you’re spending it by yourself and doing nothing more than reading (or writing), the days can really drag.
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don’t have a home computer so giving up the ‘net would be very easy for me.
i’ve been a week with nothing but a flashlight when our town got flooded out and we lost power and my cell phone died, i had no batteries for my radio and i had to take a “bath” in a bucket of freezing cold water, and a week on a cruise to the Caribbean with no cell phone service and no TV. aside from the “bath” situation, both times without all that technology was quite nice.
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There are now a lot of disabilities that can be aided by a service animal. Not to mention that people with mental issues can now claim to have a companion animal to avoid pet deposits for apartments and such. What a crock. But that is probably why you see more these days. More people are benefiting from them.
I could not give up either. I would get a second job before I let that happen. Wally has gone long stretches without while wearing green as well. Couldn’t do it!
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A seeing-eye horse in a grocery store….
“Clean-up in isles 4, 5, and 6! Oh wait, and 7, too!”
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I think you should come to Dunbar. Bill and I can bring over some liquid nourishment and while you are writing the 10k new words, we can read what you already have and give you our expert literary perspective!!!
My mother is in her 80′s. She still uses the words colored, japs, hobo’s, etc… She also uses phrases from FDR’s first administration. She means no harm. She is just from a different era.
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My sister-in-law refers to the gardeners as Mexies (she grew up in El Paso and thinks it’s perfectly acceptable). My mother-in-law just about had a “fit” when her daughter married a “Jewboy” (me). Then her granddaughter ups and marries a Jew doctor. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
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I’d lose the TV hands down. Don’t really get to see anything on there anyway.
Theres a lady near the Ma’s house that has a service minature-pony. Cause isn’t that the first thing that pops into your mind when it comes to service animals??
Just write something Jeff, get it published and then become famous so my husband will stop thinkin’ I have a thing for middle-aged northerners.
Atleast then I can tell him “See, he’s an author.”
My grandma says embarassing shit all the time, then blames it on “old timers”, I think she just doesn’t give a shit anymore.
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Today’s bunker cam reminds me of something George Carlin (rip) once said. “Have you ever noticed people who are against abortion are people you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place?”
out, y’all
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On my first trip to Japan I was watching only nonsensical Japanese TV for 10 straight days, pre-internet. Not even a glance at an English newspaper the whole time. Arrived in Hawaii to hear everyone talking about “that big hurricane that just hit North Carolina”. We turn on the TV news in the hotel to find out that the EYE of hurricane Fran had passed right over our house, with 125 mph winds in both directions. Rather than cut our 3 days in a resort on Maui short, we stayed off the grid for three more days. Came back to three missing roof shingles, all else fine (I had removed 6 trees from beside the house a year earlier). A coworker of mine had his house karate-chopped in half by a 150 year old oak tree, while he and his wife were in the basement bathroom under a mattress. They lived to get their photo in the paper the next day, standing on top of the tree that was on top of their suddenly deflated house.
I still call mentally disabled people retards, but not to their face. It just comes out that way, like a frickin’ Tourette’s tic. Somebody stop me.
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Oh, and with all the shows that we’re able to watch off the internet these days, I’d loose the TV.
later…
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Just where in the hell is my shirt? I live closer than your parents and am still shitrless.
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My grandmother used to refer to African Americans as “darkies”. I had a friend once refer to a mentally challenged person as a “Corky”. Other than that, I got nothin. I could probably live without Al Gore’s famous invention before I could TV.
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I could give up the tv. I’d miss aqua teen and what not but with itunes, who cares?
As for getting away, I am toying with the idea of going to Belize and staying on an island for a week. I was there 3 years ago with a girlfriend but think I might want to try it alone.
Anyway, in June a round trip flight from OKC to BZE is $494. Then a short water taxi to Caye Caulker, then $75 a night.
Maybe I’ll ghost write Sniffles pirate novel.
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I spent a week and a half on Roatan Island in Honduras on a scuba diving trip. Nothing but diving, was fun because the local beer was ok, and a bar was located 75 feet from my room.
I would like a service miniature mule, he would follow me around a haulin my beer, he could ride in the back of my pickup.
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Beer mule sounds awesome.
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Two guys are made to walk the dogs while thier wives sit at the house and talk. One has a german shepherd and the other has a chihuahua. They spot a bar on the corner and decide to stop in for a few beers. The guy with the german shepard puts on his sunglasses and says, “follow my lead.” He walks up to the door and the bar owner says, “You can’t come in here with that dog!” He says, “This is my seeing eye dog.” And he sits down for a beer. The second guy puts on his sunglasses and walks into the bar. The owner says, “You can’t come in here with that dog.” And he replies, “It’s my seeing eye dog. I’m blind.” The bar owner says, “That’s not a seeing eye dog. That’s a chihuahua.” And the guy pauses for a moment and says, “They gave me a fucking chihuahua?”
I use almost all of those slang words except for “colored”. I just say black. I think it’s because I was raised around a bunch of old folks, and I refuse to participate in the blubbering vagina hurt feelings racket. One of my great grandmothers just died. The other one is still alive. My great grandfather used to make “Chinese” plural. For example: “You see that house across the street? Four or five Chineses live in there.”
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I’ve already made my choice: I’ll take the internet. We keep a TV and cable around for the Evil Twin and the secrets.
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Last autumn my internet was turned off for awhile and it was a BITCH! Oh yea, I had all seven channels on the TV that I get off my aerial. I haven’t had cable or sattelite TV or anything high tech like that in years… but hot damn going to the library for internet exposure sucked as it’s said: from the inside out
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I can see Andy strolling down the aisles at WalMart with his saddlebag on and Jeff stocking up on tasty treats for him and secrets while Andy marks his spots. Herb, cleanup on aisle 6, HERB!!!
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TV I can live without, in fact I’d cancel my cable right now if I didn’t get it for (almost) free. The internet however is an absolute necessity. When I went to Europe last summer I dragged my laptop everywhere and took full advantage of every open network I could find. I hate being out of touch.
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My daughter has a “colored” kid in her class (very rare out here in the country) she calls him the “brown boy.” She refers to all “coloreds” as brown people, brown lady, brown man, brown girl, etc. I’m totally okay with that. Especially glad she hasn’t picked up the N-Word from my boyfriend. He lives in the city and is quite the racist, I don’t agree but it’s ingrained in him.
I’d totally give up TV but not the internet, no way in holy hell.
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Like “TxTy” says you can pretty much scrap the TV nowadays and watch everything through the net, but what about 52″ LCD 1080HD E A G L E S!! Football or Jack I’ll shoot you in your kneecap Bauer? Since we just bought a new Townhome from a somewhat nice Apt we had to drop some expenses to see were we would be at on the bills….so….we went from $100 HD/DVR plan to the $12 basic plan WOW!! the memories are better sweet I tell you. We don’t even pay for internet since we just pick up a signal off somebody else. Out dated phrase would be….me…I don’t really agree with some of the PC things and when I was Active Army there was no PC so while my African friend who was the color of an eggplant would go out for his nightly feeding of POPEYES, my sauerkraut/potato nazi-mick ass would ride shotgun and we would be looking for the wetback snatches’….we had a think for those Chicana ladies and FT Hood TX was the right place to be for that. Some of you might now what I mean….none of it was out of hate, we were just comfortable plus we would give our own life for each other so that crap was petty to us anyway. I was out of the loop for 90 days when we were out training…nothing but Radio Comms and Tank Rounds Hooyah.
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My grandmother still refers to all other races that aren’t white like shes talking about a family. The blacks do this, the orientals talk like this, the mexicans should do this.
It’s embarrassing but she’s old so nobody says anything.
The oriental thing bothers me….people are Asian, food and rugs are oriental.
If I had to pick, I’d lose tv. I can watch anything I want online.
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@Charles in PA – 6 months off the grid while circumnavigating the globe in stealth mode. Nothin but Radio Comms and Whale noises and few well orchestrated farts. Very few people know what a sub smells like after being under water for six months, fresh air is a commodity not to wasted.
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Nice, Shiny Rod, good man never meet a suber. That must be one long day for you….how many sailors is that black dildo holding?
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*met
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I stayed in a small mountain town in Mexico once that had no English Speaking TV and no internet… no cell phone service for that matter either.
It was fun running around the town bar hopping and getting the locals drunk. Having the police drop us off at the door step of my friend’s parents’ house… puking in the front yard and chasing chickens.
I did get into this one Mexican TV show, though… it was awesome… at first I was intrigued by the name but then I found that the premise was great! The show was Infarto… here’s one of my favorite clips that I remember from the drunken haze: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ig_GCDrrvOo
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That has to be one of the toughest jobs for the Navy…I think I would go ape shit after 1 month.
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When I used to be employed, my answer would have been to give up the Internet because I used to do all my surfing on the job. (That’s probably a useless, cheating answer, I know.) I had dial-up for a long time before giving into the pressure to pay for high-speed Internet, and I did it only because my employer instituted a work-from-home policy. Now that I am among the ranks of the jobless, I would rather give up TV since, as previously mentioned, many shows are available online.
When it comes to using outdated and (racially) offensive words, my 69-year-old father is an expert. He grew up in Pittsburgh and claims that everyone there uses those words and so he’s perfectly within his rights to do so. (Can anyone confirm?) He once referred to my nephews as “Dago babies” and a former boyfriend as a “Chinaman”. When I corrected him by saying that Boyfriend was Japanese, he proceeded to call him a “Jap”, despite my repeated protests. When my half-sister (in her mid-20′s at the time) moved from PA to California to live with me in 2000, I tried my best to reprogram her so that she didn’t end up dead on the side of the road. She once referred to a middle-aged actor on TV as a “colored kid” and thought it was OK for her pasty white ass to go around saying “wassup n*gger”. Personally, I still snicker when she calls me a “cracka”, though. She and Dad still say “retard”, “cripple”, “Mongoloid”, and well…you name it, they use it.
I try not to flinch when they use the most heinous of words. My mother, the foreigner, at least had the decency to change her ways when I corrected the bad habits she learned while married to my father.
Wow, after typing all those words, I feel really dirty and ashamed. I think I need a shower.
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Has anyone noticed in recent days that “global warming” has been exchanged for the eminently clearer “climate change”? Just sayin’.
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@ Lew in Bama & Susan in NWPA – Let go through my Humanities classes, when they find out where they actually came from, they will be singing a new tune. I have a deeper respect for those of Asian and African descent. Me, I’m just an Afro-Eurocentric Heinz 57 variety American Hippie so I can’t call myself any race other than a human and believe me, most of us (unless you are an American Indian) can’t fanthom the thought even if we could date our lineage back to the Mayflower. Between all those conquering races of people who infiltrated every stretch of human existence and mixed everything up from the “get”, we are nothing at this point but human. Some off us just take on different hues and darknesses than others. Just think about this, all trees are not just one shade of green, yet they share the Earth’s resources equally and do not fight or squabble because one tree is an Oak and the other is a Pine. Something to think about fellow surfers…
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My husband’s grandmother still refers to little black children as “pickaninnies”. I have to take his word for it, as I’ve never heard this myself.
Internet wins over TV everytime. I work part-time at a library, and staff members are no longer permitted to use the office computers for web surfing because someone accidentally downloaded a virus playing a stupid game. Now, I dread working there because the time passes so slowly when there isn’t anything else to do.
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I don’t know which I’d rather give up. Right now if it had to be done, the TV would go, but only because we have extremely cheap internet service.
I think the longest I’ve gone is about eight days. I was on a sailboat doing 4 or 5 SCUBA dives a day. Didn’t miss it at all.
About going to the folks house to be all reclusive.. What are you, Henry David Thoreau, trying to write Walden?
If you really need some seclusion buy a shed from Lowes, stick it in the back yard, run an extension cord out to power the laptop, lamp and minifridge and lock yourself in.
And on an unrealted note: I offer one years pay (once I’m working again) to anyone who can get me the opportunity to punch Michael Moore in the face as hard as I can, just once, without any repercussions whatsoever. I really despise that guy..
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I second that notion “Jorge”…good rant Here Here!
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@ Charles in PA – 150+, you don’t think about it. You just do your job and mark the days off as you go. You appreciate clocks more which is why I don’t wear a watch now. We did have recreational activities and a lot of saltpeter in the eggs.
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@Shiny Rod-I agree with you absolutely, though I suppose Jason would say our vaginas are blubbering.
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Can’t remember how long I went without. There was the blackout a few years ago that took out everything. Of the electronic entertainment, I only missed the internet. It has everything available. Want tv? you got it. Want movies? You got it. Want music? you got it. Want eggplant inspired blogs? You got it. Need to exchange information? there ya go. Everything in one handy package.
When I was a kid on the farm, there was plenty of time spent without TV or radio blaring. But you kept busy with an endless amount of things to do. During the blackout, a point came where there just wasn’t anything left to do except read and walk around.
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Take the damn teevee already, but you can have my computer when you pry it from my cold dead hands. It is the source of so much goodness….my preciousssss.
Also? The guy who lives acorss the street from us uses all manner of offensive language, and has gone so far as to say that if the house next to him is bought by n*ggers, he’s moving out. To which I say, Good fucking riddance, you ignorant asshole. Just not to his face. He ownsa lot of guns. Which his WIFE has locked up, because of his propensity for shooting squirrels out of other people’s trees, and pot-shotting the neighborhood cats.
Klassy!!
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I don’t watch any TV the way it is, so that’s an easy on for me. I try to think the internet is still slightly educational, in the same kind of way that my grandparents felt that my parents would learn the “facts of life” from the Andy Griffith show.
Anyhow, being from WV, I know you have to remember the term “holler” when talking about geography. “Yonder” was another “old timey” word.
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@Alex: As a kid in the 70′s we had some major blackouts (10 days with no hydro in Feb 78 for example), but I don’t recall it being too bad an experience. In August 03 London was without power for what, 6 hours? Without the internet and TV it seemed like 6 months. We drove to Woodstock for dinner just for something to do. It was that or talk to my family…
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I guess I’m in the minority here. I loves my TV and internet but if I hadda lose one it would be the computer — I went without it for weeks at a time after we moved to a new house and didn’t get around to hooking up the computer ( we could access the net thru work or in-laws.)
You can generally find something worth watching if you look hard enough – - IN DEMAND helps. If I’m without TV for any length of time I feel like I’m being punished.
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Holy Crap, Jeff. WSAZ just reported that Yeungling will soon be sold in WV!! No more beer runs to PA!!
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I <3 Michael Moore
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I have a feeling that “service dogs” are used by some to just take their regular pets with them wherever they go.
I still use retard, cripple, Mongoloid, colored, & oriental. Sometimes, chinaman and mexican.
I just don’t give a shit.
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Your quest for solitude just might be parked out front with a for sale sign on it. Drag it around back, pop it open, add a 30amp exetnsion cord (may require an adaptor for the BOB) and there you go. You’re anywhere you want to be. Great time of year for it too. You can get a wave sounds CD and a sea breeze candle. There’s one of owls hooting that goes really good with a pine forest candle.
Re bunker cam:
I don’t want a miss
who won’t take a kiss
from a guy who might drink now and then.
Tho she might be quite fine
I’ll stick to my wine
and imagine my gobblet her lips.
-me
I was called white trash once. I was six for christ sake!
We were out picking up pop bottles to cash in for our 2 cents per bottle refund. No wonder I have an aversion to work.
Internet…
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No TV or internet or for a week would be nice actually, any more than that and it will cause “fits” as you put it. About a year ago I spent 2 months without TV or internet or phone while I was at boot camp in Chicago. It isn’t any fun, the loss of instant entertainment and instant communication ends up being a huge burden. A week would be alright though…
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Are you kidding? I’d sooner give up mr. kenju before I’d let my internet go. In fact, I’ll give him to you now, if you want. That way I could stay on the computer 20 hours a day instead of 10.
I know someone who uses all those words; inc. the ‘n’ word, and says The Chinks for Chinese food. Nice…
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We go camping at least once a year. I’m talking tent, sleeping bags, wood fires etc. No rolling box of beds, no electric, no satellite dish, internet. There is lots of hiking, reading, swimming, fishing, jarts and playing catch. We actually look forward to it. We also do 3-4 weekends each year the same.
A year or two ago it would definately been internet over television but lately there are only 3 or 4 web sites I frequent daily. I like my entertainment to be in living color on a big ass TV in HD.
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The increased number of service animals you see may also be the ones that are in training. My Aunt used to always have one or two animals they were actively training as I was growing up. They have to take them into public places to kind of “desensetize” them to a lot of people and activity. They will usually have printed on the pack something that says “Please do Not pet me, I am in training” or similar.
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Also, on a related note… you can now get Goats as an animal assist.
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I gave up TV years ago, since there was only crap “reality” shows on then anyway…
My father was a racist and used to refer to African Americans as ghosts (?), spooks and the “n” word.
Small “n” word children were then referred to as “niglets”.
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Crap…I missed the question. TV can go whithout a problem.
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The TV can go but the PC is a must. I need my surf report fix and a constant deluge of Blonde Goddess (tiff) wit. Beside, we are practically neighbors to much of your other neighbors shagrins. I do have some extra money around, is that house for sale?
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While it is unfortunately not antiquated, it does make me giggle when my boss’s legal assistant gets mad and calls me the N-word. It makes me giggle because I am about the whitest snowflake on the pile.
Went without technology for a few weeks while I studied for the bar exam. I ended up having lots of long conversations with Bob. Bob is my dog.
JCIII, I am right there with you. I have always wanted a helper monkey. I was once asked by the lady in charge of supplies at work if she could order anything for me. I asked for a helper monkey. She said she would get me one, but she didn’t.
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Six months in rural Africa a few years ago…. no electricity or running water, so it goes without saying that we had no TV or computers. No phones either. I went to the capital after I’d been there for about a month and called my parents for 40 minutes, but after they got the bill they saw that *they* were charged around $10/min as a “ship to shore” rate (on top of my paying in Angola with a phone card). The next time I called and my Dad realized it was me he said in all one breath before he hung up, “HeyLastTimeItCostUs$400IHopeYouAreOkCallUsWhenYouGetToSouthAfricaBye” — yeah, I was going to South Africa 5 months later on the way home, and yes, he meant to wait and call him then.
What I missed most was the internet — we were stuck out there without internet, books, or people as resources, so if we didn’t know it or didn’t bring it, it didn’t get done. It was the absence of information that hit me the hardest.
My ex’s parents say “coloreds” and “the gays”. And they called me “Eye-talian”, but that is good stuff.
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@Son of Sam,
“Just where in the hell is my shirt? I live closer than your parents and am still shitrless.”
Do you live in WV?
Hope you get your Shitr pretty soon, if not you can use a bucket with a wal~mart sack in it .
Sorry I couldn’t help myself.
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Guess this kind of fits in with the politically incorrect names for people, or maybe not? Anyway it is amusing and true. There is an attorney who appears infrequently in our local court whose actual christian given name is…Peter Dick Johnson. I shit you not. That is the exact way that it appeared on the court docket on his first appearance and it wasn’t a typo. The hearing magistrate had the court room door secured with the poor fellow just on the other side in the waiting room before his case was called. The din of laughter from the bench and the staff must have been heard for blocks around. The judge was stroke red and practically rolling on the floor. Got to wonder what were this guys parents smoking when they came up with this boner of a name. (Pun intended)
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One day we were having a discussion at work about spilled coffee in the hallway. We were more worried about who did it than who was going to clean it up. One of our managers walked in and asked about it… then said, “Let me get the mop off this SPOOK out here and I’ll take care of it.”
An African American guy is our janitor. Most of us didn’t realize what he was saying–since I’d never heard the term. It was later relayed to me that it’s a 50′s reference to black folks. I had no idea.
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Carla ..Beaver Co. Pa. Closer than Jeff’s parents.
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Since I can get nearly everything I have on TV on the internet, I would drop the TV easily.
As for writing, I bought myself a netbook and write whenever I have freetime. And I do not need total silence, in fact, I need noise to distract my idle thoughts and keep my focused thoughts on the forefront. I find that my most productive moments of writing are early in the morning on my train ride to work and in bed before I pass out. I always have music playing while I write because it drowns out the white noise of boredom.
Good luck to you. All you really need is a little self discipline and to stay focused on the little goals. Try not to freak out over the ENTIRE book, and just focus on one chapter or character at a time.
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@Shiny Rod – the house across the street from us is for sale, cheap! 89K will get you 20K’s worth of home repairs….but it’s cute.
Old-timey words – why doesn’t anyone say ‘credenza’ anymore/ That’s a fun one.
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Visions of Dick Van Dyke going stir crazy in that rustic cabin he went away to so he could write his Great American Novel… followed of course by visions of lovely Laura Petrie… mmmmmmmm…
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Just so you know, Al Gore also invented TV.
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What about Wuss or Wussy?
Oh, the pain of Junior High.
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..oh, and my Mother in law still refers to people who join the Army as …”In the service” That’s an oldie.
Buck Out
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Today, when I hear somebody is “…in the service” I assume they wear a stupid nametag and ask dryly, “Want to Supersize that?”
Wow, what a fall from grace for that phrase.
Buck OUt
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I once shut myself off from Internet, Cable, and my cell phone for two weeks. The first few days I went through withdrawl, seriously. I would check my pockets for my cell and then freak out when it wasn’t there.
After that wore off it was kinda interesting though. I read a lot, I worked on some projects, and I otherwise learned to love being detached from society. Now I try and do it for at least one weekend a month.
Although I did miss porn. Like a lot.
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I’m often called out for referring to the refrigerator as an icebox. That’s what we’ve always called it! Also, small ponds are called “tanks”. There are lots more but I don’t want to open myself up to ridicule.
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I like them both, and I refuse to give up either. I’ll have a cable running into my cardboard box first.
Let me be the first to admit to watching American Idol crap TV, and there is a contestant who is obviously flaming gay. They call him “flamboyant” as if we were living in the 1950′s. It’s pretty funny. I think he’s going to win. He’s my favorite anyway.
I saw the service animal horse television clip. Good for her if it helps her be independent. Not so sure about the lady with the anti-anxiety monkey though.
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@Buck – not as bad as “Mayielpu”…
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During the Ice Storm of 98 we were without any power for at least two days. It was scary at first since trees were crashing down all over our city but also very beautiful. We hunkered down in our house for the first night sleeping all four of us in one room but the next day the house had cooled down too much to stay. Across the street they had power so we went to live with the neighbours for a few days. All in all it was great fun (especially since our basement didn’t flood like many others). Neighbours were checking on one another and banding together to have barbeques and parties. No one could get to work or school for quite a while.
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I think isolation is a great idea. Every time I go to a conference I reserve one day to lock myself in my hotel room and just write and catch up on work. I don’t watch tv at all or do much else. It sounds like it would suck, but I love it – nooooo interruptions,
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