Return to Sanity, Three Pounds, and Being Fired From a Job
As I was saying… Many of our things are broken, and that list now includes the washing machine. Isn’t that hilarious? Of course it is. It’s like something off Green Acres at this point, and all I can do is sit in a straight-back chair in the middle of the floor, and hysterically laugh into the night. I mean, what else is there to do?
No, I’m only joking. Not about the washer (it really did shit the bed), but the part about the laughing-chair. I feel much better than I did a week ago. I took Wednesday off from work, and devoted three full days to getting my life in order.
That was the part that was making me crazy – everything breaking down was just the proverbial straw that collapsed the humpback, or whatever. I had a mountain of obligations, wasn’t meeting any of them, and it was turning me into a lunatic. (Ask Toney.) I had to get a handle on things.
So, I’m back. I appreciate you guys putting up with my instability. I think everything’s better now. Except, of course, the washer isn’t working, and neither is the dishwasher. But we’ll deal with all that…
I do have one unfortunate announcement, however. I’m going to scale back the website updates to three per week. At least for a while. I thought about it a lot over the past few days, and believe that needs to happen. I’m normally off from my job on Thur/Fri/Sat, and want to keep those days completely free. And maybe do a better job of keeping my shit in check, as a result.
Realistically, I’m only updating three days per week anyway (I miss a lot of days), so it’s probably not a big deal. But I thought I’d mention it.
During the fall, after our kids go back to school and everything settles down, I’m going to start writing my next book. This one is going to be non-fiction, and will deal with the first 23 years of my life. Oh, there’s plenty of grist for the comedy mill from that particular era… I think it will be a lot of fun.
My agent tells me we have a good chance of selling it to a traditional publisher. And if that doesn’t work out, I’m sure Smoking Fish Media will agree to release it. I know some people there.
For the rest of the summer I’m going to continue promoting Crossroads Road. I recently did two interviews with local newspapers, and those articles should appear soon. I have some other things in the works, as well. Sales are improving, and that’s a good thing. We’re moving in the right direction.
If you enjoyed Crossroads Road, please recommend it to people who share your twisted sense of humor. It’s much appreciated.
Oh, and by the way… Crossroads Road is now housed in the Library of Congress. I received a certificate in the mail, confirming this. Pretty cool, huh? It’s not like it’s hard to get in, but still…
Last week I downloaded a phone app that helps me keep track of the calories I’m ingesting, and I’ve been kinda sorta keeping up with it. At the beginning it asked a million questions, then told me I need to limit my daily calories to no more than 1790.
So, for the past week I kept it under that number, and also exercised most days. And I lost three pounds. Not a huge number, but I’m happy with it.
Something that surprised me: white bread is apparently evil. Every time I have a sandwich, it’s the bread that kills me. Ice cream cones are less detrimental to the bottom line (aka my ass) than a cuppa two tree slices of bread. I didn’t know this. Or I knew it and ignored it. Probably the latter.
Also, Toney and I went to Waffle House a few days ago, and I ordered the Big Retarded Field Hand Breakfast, as normal. Holy crap nuggets! That was the only day I almost went over my limit. The thing was a bunker buster o’ calories. I had to go to the high school and walk around the track for an hour, to absolve myself of the guilt.
Anyway, I need to go to work now. I’ll leave you guys with a Question that occurred to me last night, while listening to an old Jean Shepherd broadcast from 1976. He was talking about a man he knew, named Chester, who fired people for a living. He was supposedly the world’s greatest corporate executioner, with mad skillz, etc.
So, I’d like to know if you’ve ever been fired. I was laid-off, of course, but never fired. Hopefully I’ll never experience such a thing, because I think I’d start throwing haymakers. But what about you? Have you ever been fired? What were the circumstances? Please tell us about it in the comments.
And I’ll be back tomorrow.
Now playing in the bunker
Crossroads Road for your Kindle: just $2.99!
Filed under: Daily
First
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Jeff-
Welcome back….now dance, monkey, dance!!
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Third?
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Close to the top of the heap.
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I’ve never been fired. I’m too much of a quitter to ever be fired.
Now, back to those noodles….
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We went to Waffle House on Saturday. I had a waffle with pecans and chocolate chips. And a biscut and gravy. And a large side of sausage. And a large side of bacon. Yeah, I’m not even trying anymore.
I’ve never been fired. Came close one time. I was working for a builder and he and I went out and drank all the time. I took some customers out to eat for lunch one day and got half cocked. A little fuck told on me for being “under the influence” at work. But the big boss man decided to fire him rather than make me stick to the rules. I stayed drunk pretty much the whole time I was there. Me and the boss would meet at bars sometimes at 1:00 in the afternoon to discuss “biness”.
We just bought this expensive ass steam cleaning vac over the weekend. And it’s a good thing. My middle child barfed on herself, the carpet, and her bed last night. That’s the first time any of them has puked (aside from the baby spit-up thing) so I was shocked.
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I’ve never been fired (knock on wood) but have seen people shitcanned over the years. They were usually escorted out by security with little-to-no notice. Probably so that they didn’t have time to go home and come back with a baseball bat so that they could apeshit on the supervisors — and I wouldn’t have blamed them for a little payback like that.
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..
Was fired from an auto dealer back in 2000. I was the F&I manager and had real problems with the Sales manager and a salesperson, who happened to be his cuntish whore of a wife.
They had it out for me and basically convinced the owner I was the reason for sluggish sales and profits, even though all I did was paperwork and contracts.
This douchenozzle did everything in his power to queer up any back end profits on what I added on(service contracts, GAP insurance, credit life and disability coverage).
So after months of headbutting and teeth gnashing, the dealer principal handed me my marching orders, saying it “just wasn’t working out”.
I still see that fuck nut(sales manager) around town, and fantasize about about walking up to him and just beating the piss out of him.
Never know, that could still happen.
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Henderson Reply:
July 12th, 2011 at 1:23 pm
She was just “cunt-ish”? Not a full-on cunt?
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When I was about 12 I volunteered for a local library. They politely asked me to un-volunteer after a few weeks because I was too frucken loud.
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“Also, Toney and I went to Waffle House a few days ago, and I ordered the Big Retarded Field Hand Breakfast…..”
M – O – O – N, that spells breakfast….!
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I was almost fired once over an email I sent to a friend. I was ranking on an office mate and he happened to read it and knew it was about him so went crying to our manager that he found it “offensive.” I was given a stern talking to and had something written up in my file. The only reason I wasn’t fired was because the little fucktard had quite a reputation for being, well, a fucktard.
Jeff: brown bread only. (not bitter black bread that Nancy would eat). Rye, whole wheat, multi grain etc.
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 2:05 pm
Black Russian Rye bread is pretty killer if you aks me.
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madz1962 Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 2:23 pm
Oh hell yeah! Pumpernickel is one of my all time favorites, too (which may be in the same vein).
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Alex Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Riddle me this… Why can some guy reading somebody elses mail get off without a talking to about confidentiality?
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madz1962 Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 4:37 pm
He was covering for me. The email came in after I left so he saw my mail the next day. Fucker knew it was personal, yet proceede d to read it and wah wah wah right nto our manager. I think the fact that it was personal saved my ass but I’ll neer know for sure.
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Alex Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Welcome back!
Laid off (and rehired) numerous times. . Never fired. Written up a couple times for telling certain people exactly what I thought. Probably be fired by now if I didn’t bite my tongue a lot. Beurocratic B.S. and uneducated fools that I come across on a daily basis, I’m surprised I havn’t actually bitten off my tongue.
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Alex Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 4:50 pm
WTF? I filled out a new comment box at the bottom…
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I was fired from a retail assistant manager’s job a couple days after I had worked two consecutive 12 hour days (one of them without any other staff on hand, open to close) so the store manager could attend her favorite cousin’s wedding. Did I mention I had volunteered to do this, largely out of the goodness of my heart? The reason given for my termination was that I had failed to follow proper merchandising procedure. Assholes.
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I haven’t been fired, but I did quit a job in a spectacular fashion that involved graphically detailing how the boss should go fuck himself with the files that I was slamming down in front of him at that particular time.
That one did get me blackballed for a spell and that was pretty horrid. I would get an interview–seemingly get the job and then a couple of days later get a call saying they hired a candidate with more experience or someother bullcrap line. Went on for over a year until I found someone willing to hire me without a reference from former employer (where I had worked for over 10 years.)
Asswipes. If I ever see any of the owners of that particular firm on fire somewhere, I will endeavor to pour as more gasoline or other equally firemaking substance upon them. It certainly won’t be piss.
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Vicki Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 2:04 pm
I believe it would behoove me to read these things before I hit post. It seems I am grossly overconfident in my typing skills and stream writing capabilities.
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Congrats – scaling back on the weight, on the workload, everything. (What’d I tell ya about white bread?) You’ll feel better all around.
Fired once from a student worker job at LSU. The bitch lied.
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I’ve never been fired, but the atmosphere currently at my company is one of despair, gloom and doom due to numerous losses of new work and discontinuance of current contracts; already a few folks have been ‘let go’ and boy has my paranoia kicked in. I’m afraid I’m going to get laid off/RIF’d, whatever you want to call it. Also, to add to the angst, this company is packing up and heading to another locale and I WILL NOT commute RT 104 miles (currently drive 42 miles RT). So, formulating in my mind: lay me off and I can look while collecting unemployment or, I’d quit without a job as soon as the moving vans pull into the drive. I only need to eek out another 4-1/2 yrs to collect my savings with said company. OH: nothing is broken though, HEH! But losin’ my f’n mind.
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squawvalleyskip Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 9:54 pm
Susan, if you like the work I’d say try the commute for a while. The wife and I moved closer to work seven years ago and now commute only 90 miles round trip each (she works roughly a mile from where I work, but she works days and I work nights so we commute separately). The wife drives a Corolla that gets about 35 mpg, and all summer I ride my Harley to work. Small price to pay to live in 5 acre minimums instead of having neighbors who live 12 feet from our house. It doesn’t take long to get used to commuting, but it does cost a little more in both time and money. At one point in my previous life as a construction worker I spent a year commuting about 120 miles each way to work. That made for some pretty long days, but it didn’t kill me. 52 miles each way won’t be that bad unless it’s all city traffic jams, then I’d quit too.
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Susan Reply:
July 12th, 2011 at 8:54 am
Maybe if I were 20 or more years younger, I could handle the commute, but not at this stage of 55, and not in love with the job for sure. New location will be northern Virginia, around the Reston/Dulles area, company moving from Frederick Cty, MD. I’ve become so much more less tolerant, I certain don’t want to stroke out on the Dulles Greenway!
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Henderson Reply:
July 12th, 2011 at 3:19 pm
Feelin’ your pain. When things went south job-wise [yes, I was fired], I went independent. The only work available was in Nor-Cal. So… every Monday morning, I would get up at 3am to catch the 6am flight, then work stoopid long hours and catch the 4:30pm flight back on Friday.
I did that for 18months straight. It took a hell of a toll on health and sanity. On the up side, I got my wife some nice stuff with my AMEX rewards points. On the down side, one of my kids doesn’t look anything like me.
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Well done on the three pounds Jeff. Every tiny bit helps and I hope you’ll keep it up.
Now, I think it’s time to admit that the whole Eninen clan is made up. How could you keep the secret of being a published author from them? Once they find that out, they’ll read the book, see themselves and then it’s really going to hit the fan. They have to be fake. HAVE to. ADMIT IT! No one could be that crazy.
PS, will the super-secret mailing list get an update from a couple weeks ago?
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m Reply:
July 12th, 2011 at 11:32 am
I’ve also wondered about there reality. They are just to great to be real. And how in the hell will he explain the book? I desperately want them to be real, though. And I’m also checking my email all the time to see an update.
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I’ve been fired three times. The first two times were from retail jobs at the mall ( at the second one I was going in to give notice because I’d found a better job closer to home.) The third one was at a video rental store that changed ownership and 6 months in the new owners found a reason to fire me. My “noncompliance” with some of their BS new procedures sez them, Their not wanting to pay me a raise I was owed, sez me. Tomato/Tamahto — I wish I’d gotten out a whole lot earlier. I work for the USPS now and wish I’d gotten in a whole lot sooner. Coworkers who started on the job out of high school are within sight of retirement.
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Carbs make you bloat. Cut the carbs (bread, sugar) and you cut the bloat. Keep it up.
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I heard somewhere that you can lose weight by abusing laxatives. Is this true?
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johnthebasket Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 2:55 pm
Yes, but you can also lose weight by abusing cheese if you do it long enough.
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Been laid off but never fired.
I have quit w/out notice on 2 jobs.
The 1st one, we were moving 80 miles away so I was going to have to quit anyway. But they made my life at work so hellacious that I took my vacation, came back, picked up my last check, laid my store key on the counter and told the manager she could KMFA. Said manager replaced MY manager when she left for a better job…KMFA manager was married to a guy higher up in the company corp. foodchain and had NO qualifications to be store manager and I was doing all her work and mine!
2nd job I was hired to work as a sales clerk in a store. My 1st week was great, then the store manager came back from his vacation. He called me back into his office and told me my shoes were unacceptable attire(leather and wooden clogs=very expensive shoes!). And he demanded I drive home and change shoes. I was a poor just graduated student and my only other pr. of shoes were sneakers(which were IN the employee handbook as unacceptable, while my clogs were NOT!).
So I walked out and didn’t go back. He called the house a couple of hours later looking for me…..lol…..I told him I would ask that he stick his own shoes up his ass except I knew that was impossible due to the rather large POLE aready in there…then I said, “I quit you stupid prick!”
Geez, now I feel like going and finding a job just so I can quit again!lolol
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Stay away from those evil white foods Jeff…..bread, rice, potatoes.
Better options are dark breads, brown rice and sweet potatoes if you have to have the carbs.
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I had an episode many years ago when I was essentially “fired” at my job, but the guy they were replacing me with quit, so I stayed on another 2 or 3 years.
Good job on the weight loss thing, Mr. Kay. I downloaded a very similar app. Somehow, documenting all the food I put in my mouth shames me into eating less of the stuff. I’ve lost 2 pounds in a week.
*FIBER!* Eat more fiber. That also tends to take the weight off as well as make you feel full (…of course you might have to invest in a commercial grade toilet, or stir-stick!)
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sunshine_in_va Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Given the episode in his book, I think you can count on Jeff staying AWAY from industrial-grade toilets!
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I’ve been fired a couple of times.
First time was when I had to go on leave to have my first child. Instead of trying to figure out the schedule for a few weeks while I was off they just let me go. Since the store only had a couple of employees they didn’t have to follow the family medical leave act. They got theirs though since the girl they hired to replace me stole several hundred dollars from them. They called me about 5 weeks after I had my daughter to see if I would come back. I did but they closed up 6 months later.
The other time I was fired was after I cut my hand at work. They drug tested and since I had thoroughly enjoyed myself the weekend before I didn’t exactly pass. Been with the company for 5 years and never missed a day of work but there was a no tolerance policy. My boss actually teared up and told me to reapply in 6 months and he would hire me back but I said screw it.
The new place I work is fire happy and have actually fired about 2 people a month since I started working there 7 months ago. I pretty much don’t talk to anyone and kiss every customers ass that I come across. The people make up the biggest bullshit stories about each other just to get someone fired and the managers will tell you some bullshit story and wait and see if you tell anyone else and god forbid you do then they will fire you because of confidentiality.
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madz1962 Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 3:07 pm
Tracy, I agree with the not talking to anyone. I don’t share much with any people atw work what i do outside these walls. I’ve noticed people are too friggin’ nosy. Do people really give a shit that I swabbed my toilet and did 4 loads of laundry over the weekend?
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FIRED!- for banging a waitress on the copy machine in an office of a restaurant that I was a manager at. It was the graveyard shift, but I guess we should have checked to make sure ALL the copies were picked up.
FIRED!!!- for not waking up a lazyass lawyer that lived one block from the office when his 9:00 appt. came in. DIdn’t know I was supposed to be his alarm clock. S’OK, took many boxes of files and hurled them into the landfill before I left.
FIRED!!!- for asking for my paycheck on time at a restaurant so my rent check wouldn’t bounce. Owner’s wife was a raging alcoholic, so she fired me while she was drunk.
FIRED!!!! from a lawyer I worked for for two days for checking out the receptionist’s cleavage.
FIRED!!!-as kitchen manager for a restarant because I didn’t do a good job cleaning at the end of my shift, although my arm had been in a cast for a month. (That’s right, one handed cooking (and cleaning)
FIRED!!!!- for working in a deli and telling a ninety year old who asked for samples for a half hour so she could just eat a free lunch to go fuck herself. The olive loaf was the last straw.
Yes, I have been fired a few times in 37 years of employment.
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madz1962 Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 3:46 pm
Thank God it was the olive loaf that was the last straw. If that 90 year old started begging for tongue, that could ave been really disturbing.
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dto Reply:
July 12th, 2011 at 7:34 am
Did the waitress get fired too or was she well known as the “Daily Special”? Or perhaps the “‘Round the World Platter” off the nightowl menu?
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AngryWhiteGuy Reply:
July 12th, 2011 at 8:51 am
Waitress was fired, as well. I moved onto another managememnt job and , here’s the best part, she got a job at Kinko’s, as a copier.
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Henderson Reply:
July 12th, 2011 at 3:35 pm
I got fired from my job at Vlasic because I got caught with my dick in the pickle slicer.
She got fired too.
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Judging from the Bunker Cam it must smell a little funny in there today.
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Root 66 Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Looks like a new “AFLAC” commercial!
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Quit during the third week after being berated over and over by a shitsack boss, working on home renovations. I was 18 or 19, had absolutely no experience in construction/carpentry (which he knew), and he gave me daily shit for not knowing how to complete difficult tasks. It was just me and him every day. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when we were roofing a house in 90+ degree heat and humidity and he blamed me for fucking up a chalk line (that he struck). I had already sweated off about 10 lbs that day and went over and threatened to bury the claw hook of my hammer in his skull. I quit on the spot and cut all four of the bastard’s tires on his work truck about a week later when he was in a bar getting shit-faced. I’d beat his ass today. Fucker.
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Never fired, but baby..have I happily quit some shit sucking jobs. I’d like to quit the one I have now, but maturity makes you realize you need a way to pay bills. Stupid maturity…
I’ve cut out bad carbs (white starchy foods) and started walking/jogging every night after work. Down about 12 lbs. so far since last month. That first 10 lbs or so comes off easily for me. Then it gets harder to lose. I just have to make myself develop an exercise habit and so far, so good.
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Retail sounds fucking brutal. Thank God I never had to do it.
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Got fired from Target for telling them I wasn’t going to work a night that I had requested off 3 months prior for my senior homecoming…because someone changed the schedule with a pen and said that I had to work their shift. Also spectacularly quit a job as a telemarketer by blowing up at the phoneroom manager because she decided that my numbers weren’t “up to my potential”. She later went to jail for tax fraud, so her opinion doesn’t matter anyway.
Almost got fired from my last job for “language unbecoming a sales professional” after an account manager blew a five thousand dollar commission check by telling my customer that she didn’t know what she wanted–after the customer handed me a fifteen point communications plan and told me exactly what she was looking for, and I passed it on to my team, who came up with a solution custom fit for the customer…final negotiations blown by one dumbass and his remarks.
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My cousin got fired from 7-11 for putting “slimy lettuce” on a sandwich. She worked the midnight to 8 shift so God only knows what boozer decided their lettuce was slimy.
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I was fired several months ago. My work schedule changed when my husband started his cancer treatments. I was the one who would be picking up our 11 yr-old son from school at 3pm everyday. Bosslady didn’t like that and harassed me all week about it, even though before his treatments started, she was all cool and sweet about it, and handed out the “if there’s anything we can do…” bullshit. After a week of her shit, she followed me to the door trying to get me to stay and I said, “I’m not going to leave him sitting on a curb. I have to go.” Voices were raised. I said I would come back and she threw her hands up and said, “No.”
I returned the following Monday, knowing I was fired, but made her tell me. The term letter was dated the day before our final blowup. Her voice was shaking and her cheek was twitchy. Hopefully, it was a little bit of guilt. I kept my cool which made her seem even more irrational.
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johnthebasket Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 5:28 pm
It’s hard to express in how many ways that sucks, Alice. If anybody here can do anything to help, I bet we’d do it without firing you. I certainly would.
jtb
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Alice in WV Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 6:09 pm
thanks, jtb.
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hot fuzz Reply:
July 12th, 2011 at 8:12 am
Sorry to hear about this Alice. Just one more speedbump; You just know you’ll be ok in the long run.
My sister went through cancer treatments and taking care of Mom for 6 months without a single sick day or a non vacation day…yet they still were “concerned about how much time she was missing”. Life is filled with a smattering of jerks. The next place will be better.
A big group hug to the three of you.
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madz1962 Reply:
July 12th, 2011 at 8:58 am
Oh Alice, that’s awful – was your company large enough to enforce the Family Leave Act? If so, take action against the bitch.
And yes, group hug!
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Bill in WV Reply:
July 12th, 2011 at 10:25 am
That is a whole flat load of bullshit right there. That bitch needs to be C-punched and I think you all know what the “C” means.
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Got fired from a paper mill for throwing a salad at a truck driver in the middle of a double shift that was sprung on me because someone decided that it’s too much of a bother to come in on a friday night when there’s a couple dicks to be sucked (hey, i’m just upset that it wasn’t mine… or something).
I didn’t get any meal breaks and there after i’d been there over 8 hours, when my fucking dinner was getting cold because it was end of the month and that means that they have to get in all the paper that they didn’t get in due to not scheduling it right, and my computer being broken, i just wanted to eat one bite of my salad.
the truck driver comes in, blasts his horn. i tell him “give me a minute. I’m eating my dinner”. he slams open my booth’s window and says “you’ll fucking deal with me now. where’m i goin?” that was it.
I told him that I was going to rip his throat out, threw the salad at him and he scampered back into the truck.
I
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SeanInSac Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 11:28 pm
sounds like a typical driver, worked in warehousing for 10 years and I’d say 90 percent of them were douche bag blow holes who thought the world owed them something because they could drive a fucking truck.
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Contrary to the white bread rumors spread here, Wonder Bread claims to help bodies grow 12 ways. In an 11-dimensional space-time continuum like ours, I guess one of those ways is outward.
jtb
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I was let go from a kitchen/cook job once. I had a full time day job and worked for cash a few nights a week in a local sports pub. The owners loved me but a new kitchen manager came in and didn’t like my arrangement of cooking over the dinner rush but not closing the kitchen (I had to work at 8 to 4, I wasn’t going to do 5 to midnight at the restaurant too) or working on weekends. He tried to get me to do deliveries but I refused to deliver pizza in my own car (at the time a $37,000 supercharged Mustang GT) So, eventually I got no shifts and that was it.
However, that wasn’t really it. The owners soon realized that this kitchen manager was a lunatic and an asshole and they fired him. Then I got a sincere and generous apology from the owners wife and they re-hired me to work any shifts that I wanted.
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I’m laughing as I am typing this….I almost got fired for downloading, not porn, not illegal music, BUT MUSIC I ALREADY OWNED AND HAD FUCKING STORED in the glory days when I had a kick-ass computer and a turntable. I’d record the LPs, then upload them to a storage site.
Suddenly my iPod fucks up, I get a new hard drive, then decide to reload my library. Okay, it was a shitload of music, but it WAS MINE (well, okay, most of it was my parents, because it was stuff from the late 50s-70s.)
One morning, as I’m happily getting ready to work (extra hours=extra $$$$ that could be used to buy another computer to replace that POS Dell that overheated all the fucking time…but that’s another story.) I receive a call from my boss, and I should’ve noticed that it was “serious” because she was speaking all whisperylike. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Hello?
Her: The Computer Folks (Gestapo) have come by to take your computer–you’ve been downloading music, which is illegal.
Me: Even if you own all the music that WAS downloaded?
Her: Yes.
Me: (thinking about looking for a job in this economy and then imagining telling the HR person that I got fired for downloading music I owned.)
So, my solution to that? I walked 10 fucking miles in 90+ degree weather, I was so fucking depressed. I hadn’t gotten a chance to even bring in any evidence, it was just “you downloaded music, you’re suspended until we decide to fire you or not.” This being a damned college, this meant that it had to go from Department Chair, to Dean #1, to Dean #2, to someone else, then to the president. So, after 2 and a half weeks, I was back at work…and I am staring at part of the record collection that was so illegal. Fucking motherfuckers….they wasted all that time on ME, while they were firing folks left and right, and THEN BUYING BUILDINGS left and right! “Hey, this was SUCH a bargain! It was only$4 million! It’s right next door, and I think it’s some kind of training center for people who have recently lost their jobs. So, at least I wouldn’t have had far to ride, and there’s a bus stop in front of the place, at least.
Whole incident just made me want to punch someone in the fucking throat.
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Congrats on the three, Jeff! I know it doesn’t sound like much, but it’s better that I’ve done. Then again, I don’t hold with this notion of “avoiding foods based on color”, so it shows how much I know. BTW, “brown food” includes many fine things that start with a B: beer, beef, bacon, bourbon, bordelaise sauce… I’m very observant.
I’ve never been fired, but I did quit a shit job. The work wasn’t all that shitty, but the boss was a born-again asshole who created a hostile, prison-like work environment. Also, he seemed to think that payroll was optional.
I also got laid off by a company who said they had no work for me; this after they had just landed a big contract. I found a better job within two days (this was in 2001). The funny part was that the client (for that big contract) fired my old company and hired my new company, so I ended up doing the job after all.
.
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Never fired. Quit my first job outta high school and have been at my current employment for almost 24 years. Christ on a cracker that makes me feel old.
On a unrelated topic but just as depressing, property taxes are due this week. No matter what I do, that’s one bill I’ll never pay off. I don’t no why that irks me but it does.
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Never fired. Quit my first job outta high school and have been at my current employment for almost 24 years. Christ on a cracker that makes me feel old.
On a unrelated topic but just as depressing, property taxes are due this week. No matter what I do, that’s one bill I’ll never pay off. I don’t no why that irks me but it does.
Oh well, the whiskey daredevils have a bacon martini for me!
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chill Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 10:25 pm
A whiskey and bacon martini? No offense, but that sounds vile.
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WB in OH Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 10:39 pm
That’s a joke probably only t-storm will get!
I’m having a highball! “Damn right your Dad drank them”
Sorry about the sort of double post. Thought I hit stop quick enough. I had a longer day than JCIIII. I guess you need to follow him on twitter to appreciate that comment!
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chill Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 11:05 pm
All righty. I’m late for my wee ticky anyway.
.
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WB in OH Reply:
July 11th, 2011 at 11:33 pm
No worries brother, Jesus walks beside me. Ida Jane is knocking on the door better let her in.
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johnthebasket Reply:
July 12th, 2011 at 1:11 am
WB…
Sometimes the Poet in you just gushes out. Hope you didn’t get any on you.
Very nice comments.
jtb
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johnthebasket Reply:
July 12th, 2011 at 4:32 am
Or, written as an Unbalanced Haiku:
Sometimes the Poet
In you just gushes out Hope…
You didn’t get any on you
jtb
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Before I was hired to do what I do now I had a career in construction. Worked at a multi-million dollar civil construction company for a few years, and got along with most everyone I worked with. Notable exceptions were a punk kid carpenter who talked shit till I threatened to beat his ass on the job one day, a project manager with a congenitally fucked up hip (who no doubt was the geek who got stuffed in trash cans all the way through high school and got into construction management to get even with the type of guys doing the stuffing) and an ass-hat of a superintendent who ended up fired not long after I left his job. This last shit-heel insisted that I (the underground and pipe guy on a parking garage job) show up at 2:30 in the morning on concrete pour days to “help out”. I never did, so that pissed him off enough to try to fuck with me. After he got shitcanned he went and ran a parking garage job for a local casino Indian tribe and fucked it up so bad the whole structure had a list to port. Now, I’d have to really go out of my way to get fired, so unless something pretty drastic happens I should be alright. Unbelievable assholes i have to deal with daily, but not much danger of being fired.
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I’ve been fired twice, they were both non-career part-time jobs. I actually managed to get fired from Pizza Hut when I was 19 because I couldn’t make freaking pizzas fast enough. The other time was from Sears. I was in electronics. They sold a variety of things, but the idea was to sell as many flat screen tvs as possible. Oh, but you have to sell them with an expensive extended warranty. I believe in buying good quality merchendise that shouldnt require a “maintenence agreement” So I wasnt pushing the MAs b/c I didnt believe in them. i was selling enough tvs just not enough MAs so they let me go after the 60 day probationary period. This inspired me to go back to college to finish my degree and I’m about to graduate so i wont ever have to work retail again
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Fired from a shitass MAID job years and years ago for being ‘too good for this place’. Seriously. That’s what they said to me. Nodding solemnly all the while. And while I had to agree that yes, I was probably too good to be working at a run-down whore infested hot-sheet dive like that there was this little thing called rent that my undereducated teenage ass had to pay. I was re-hired the day after my ‘benefactors’ dissappeared one night after stealing the payroll, the days take and everything else they could lay their trash hands on. I imagine them chortling as they drove off into the darkness with their U-Haul filled with all that awesome motel furniture and those stained linens and tiny soaps, just rubbing their hands with glee.
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I was fired once..actually more of a hostile takeover by my two former business partners. We had a breakfast meeting with our accountant, only one of the business partners turned up and broke the news to me…the other little fuck was too gutless to show up. I went out and started my own business in competition to them, most of my customers came along with me! Years later i saw one of the former business partners at an industry awards night…my compant had just won an award…sweet sweet revenge. He has since been shafted by the gutless partner and forced to “retire”. What goes around comes around MoFo’s!!
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Greg Reply:
July 12th, 2011 at 2:04 am
Revenge is sweet! Like you said, Karma’s a bitch!
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My ex was fired by her pimp.
So, clearly, I let her go.
True story- I was fired twice (2 times) as a pawnbroker.
And hired thrice.
I was a trustworthy employee… but showed up drunk. More than once (obviously)… but I made those bastards a lot of blood…
I have since reformed, and make my money in the mold business, while commenting on fabtastic blogs.
Hope you’re well, Mr. Jeff.
Because, you know, I RUN SHIT.
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doctorright Reply:
July 12th, 2011 at 2:33 am
And by that, I mean
I run shit.
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doctorright Reply:
July 12th, 2011 at 2:56 am
OK fine, I drink.
More than I should.
I hope I haven’t
OK fuckit SHOT
unyielding conditioning
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madz1962 Reply:
July 12th, 2011 at 11:28 am
doctorright, how many loaves of bread (white or otherwise) do you leave out, opened to make your mold? Do you stop when it gets green or do you wait until the fuzz takes over?
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doctorright Reply:
July 12th, 2011 at 1:38 pm
Sorry about the lag in time, madz.
I’ve been doing the Humpty Dance all morning.
It all depends on either the client’s needs, or my current mood. Heckuva way to run a bidness.
Does the customer want simple yeasts, or multi-cellular, broad-ranging fungi? And by the way, my spores CLING. You know whadamean? Best around.
My loaves tend to be around ten at a time, on a cycle of 4-5 days each. Fuzzy is best, but again, who am I to tell the client how damaged they want get?
I also branch out into the “wet” molds, as I keep my home dark, dank, and damp all of the time- just how I like it.
I also specialize in shower curtain work.
If you or yours need anything, lemme know.
Thank you in advance.
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I’ve had 40 calories of beer in the past 10 days. And one odouls.
I’ve gone from about 270 to low 260′s. I’m not getting drunk again until I consistently hit 255 or lower.
I just finished Sleepwalk With Me by Mike Birbiglia. It was awesome.
This week’ paycheck should be nice. 50 hrs and no major bills due.
Saw horrible bosses, it was awesome. After the movie the car had a flat so we took a cab to where my car was. When we went to deal with the van the next morning it was surrounded by a classic car show. Imagine a ’93 mercury villager with a flat rear DS tire and a wooden panel for the PS mid window right next to a car that looked like Bumblebee from Transformers.
Sunday we went down to deal with it and found out that her mom had not paid the insurance so there was no roadside assistance. The girl has been driving with no insurance since May because her mom spent the money on something else, probably smokes.
I took care of it today becaue I’m awesome. Sadly it feels like it’s all gonna be for nothing.
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Bill in WV Reply:
July 12th, 2011 at 10:38 am
Hang in there man. Sounds like you are going through a shitload of emotions right now. Stay busy. It’ll take your mind off of it all.
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Couldn’t sleep last night..tried typing this on my Blackberry, which took forever. Rereading, I noticed a word I typed a word twice. Tried to delete it and deleted the whole fucking thing…..Grrrrrrr….. So, try try again on a real computer:
First…Welcome back, Jeff. Slow goes it on the weight loss, which is exactly how you keep it off.
My first job after passing my Esthetician (skin care) State Boards was for a very popular day spa. The girl that owned it (and still does), Ava, was an adorable Hungarian with a very thick accent. She hired me on the spot. She taught me European and Hungarian facial massage, waxing tips and other valuable things that schools never touch on.
Unfortunately, she was married to the most obnoxious, conceited, filthy, lying, mooching leech I have ever met. He never worked a day in his life…oh…I stand corrected..he was an “actor”. Did local commercials. Not often though, obviously. His very wealthy parents took care of him until he met this girl who became his work-horse.
After being there about a year, my paychecks began to bounce. Almost every time I got paid, the check would bounce and I would have a back log of bank fee’s from checks I had written against it. I’d call him, he’d apologize and promise to pay my fee’s. Never did. Then around the same time, if the Ava’s schedule had an opening, he would switch my clients to her so he wouldn’t have to pay my commission. He did it to all of us…not just me.
One Saturday AM I get to work and notice the 5 clients I had for the day where now down to 2. The others were on Ava’s schedule. I finally fucking SNAPPED. He and I got into a heated arguement and he fired me. I left for the day. Ava called me the next day crying, apologizing and asked me to come back. I did. It lasted a week. She called on my day off and said she had to let me go as he was pestering her so bad about it she couldn’t deal anymore.
That motherfucker ran that place into the ground and since then they have had to move the business 3 times because of nonpayment of rent and utilities.
It’s a shame. I loved it there with the exception of the husband who stepped on Ava’s every decision.
But for some reason he always got away with it. Ever notice that some people never have karma come back to bit them?
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madz1962 Reply:
July 12th, 2011 at 11:41 am
You needed to “accidentally” drop some hot wax right on his johnson.
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Jeezus…we need an edit button!!!
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You had the right idea about the price of your book. I recently bought a Nook, and I am not too happy that the prices are usually the same as if I was buying a hardback version of the book.
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I was pretty psyched when I got my letter from the Library of Congress too.
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Jeff, so glad you’re back! Ya know, you can wash dishes by hand (although that only lasted in my house for about a week, and then we bought the cheapest Whirlpool Lowe’s had), but it’s hard to do laundry by hand. Should we Ebay until we find you a washboard? You could probably really piss Half Shirt off by scrubbing bedsheets in the front yard and then draping them over bushes.
I’ve only been fired once, by my aunt. It made family gatherings rather awkward for a few years.
I left without notice once. I was desperately trying to find a labor and delivery job when I graduated, and finally had to settle on a med surg position. I lasted 4 days of orientation. When they told me that I should never give the doctors my opinions because the doctors were smarter than me, I knew I wouldn’t last. A labor & delivery job opened up, and I left med surg hell without ever getting past the first week.
I get written up fairly regularly at my current job. The nurse manager hates me, because I have a very difficult time keeping my mouth shut. I’m usually in trouble for hurting the wittle feelings of the residents and interns. We must not damage their fledgling egos! I spend half my life protecting patients from their stupidity, and it tends to frustrate me. I also got written up because a patient complained that I should have kept her veins from rolling when starting an IV. I demanded that my manager tell me how I was supposed to do that, she admitted that it’s not possible, but I should have kissed ass harder, and then the patient wouldn’t care. I have issues with kissing ass, too.
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Our beloved wordnerd would like this
.. but once I was in a position
to fire people who could not spell
some of the most commonly misspelled words.
Glad you are back Jeff.
But it sounds like you needed time off to shop.
If you need to scale back for that
I say, you’ve been wound too tight too long, bro.
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Quit my first job when I was 18. Worked as a cashier at a supermarket that just opened in town. Dealt with everyone from nuerotic soccer-moms with a $500+ purchases to non-English speaking WIC check families.
Started to wear down when the managers would count the seconds to my 15 min. break, but watch as the other cashiers would shut down their lane to “clean” and disappear, leaving me alone with a line across the store to the meat dept. It also could have been the 12 hour shifts, being left to close the entire store when a boss didn’t show up, or scheduling me 39 hours/week, when I could only legally work 20.
Had a co-worker who would write down customers’ addresses after ID-ing them and later drive by their houses. The same kid who put fish/meat underneath the conveyor belt just for fun. When we kept getting the same shifts I tried to quietly change, but the manager loudly relayed this to the entire front end.
So when I left for spring break vacation, I never went back.
Worked at Target last summer. “Promoted” me from cashier to pricing. Worked 5am – whenever they felt like letting me leave. The boss right above me forced me to stay for 12+ hours, but then I was lectured about payroll/hours by her boss. The job was impossible and we never made our “quota” once. Called out twice when I was in a car accident and once when my apartment building went up in flames, only to be written up both times. Even though I was clearly hired as seasonal, they pitched a fit when I gave my notice when I had to head back to college.
I suspect that they do recommend me for jobs when I list them as a reference. However, my employee discount card still works and I still use it guilt-free.
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