Retail Adventures and Comfort TV
Let’s start this one with a little experiment… I’d like to test the power of persuasion, and will need your field reports to gauge the success of it. Ready? OK…
You have to pee. Think about it for a second, really stop and think. You need to pee.
Did it work? Let me know in the comments, and thanks for your dedication to scientific research.
Remember how I recently went ’round and ’round with a “well-known electronics chain?” If not, you can read about it here. In a nutshell the store-level employees were dumbasses (my interpretation of events), and I ended up buying a computer through the company’s website, to avoid further dealings with said shitpouches.
The only problem was the financing. They were offering eighteen months same-as-cash at the store, but not online. So I spoke with someone in their customer service department, explained the situation, and they gave me the same deal.
I knew it would be a problem, though. In fact, here’s how I ended the original rant:
But how much you want to bet I have many, many hassles with the financing? Anyone care to take that bet? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Indeed, when we received the first bill for my new NASA computer, they had it listed as free financing through the end of 2008 only. Not exactly eighteen months, right? It was all so predictable, my hand didn’t even whip through my hair.
A few days ago I called them up again, equipped with detailed notes and the “case number” identifying the conversation in which the original promises had been made.
And they didn’t seem surprised, either. In fact, I suspect they did it on purpose. The free financing was immediately adjusted to eighteen months, then the woman tried to sell me a bunch of additional crap I don’t want or need. Grrr…
Am I wrong to be irritated by this? Their store people suck a bent one, they make me promises on the phone, the promises aren’t kept, and then they try to up-sell me when I call to get it straightened out?
Stay down, hand. Just stay down…
That store’s main competitor, who is even terribler still, is having all manner of financial troubles. I’m sure you’ve read about it in all the virtual papers, no need for me to specifically name them… I think they closed a bunch of locations recently, and filed for bankruptcy.
And the reasons aren’t too hard to figure out. They never had sale items, and I mean NEVER. You could be there when the place opened on Sunday, the day the weekly flier was distributed, and they wouldn’t have what you came for. Or you could wait until the end of the week, it didn’t matter.
That made me crazy. Plus, the employees were an infuriating mix of aggressive sales weasels (when you weren’t planning to buy anything), and uninterested big-pants idiots wearing pearl necklaces and ludicrous facial hair (when you actually needed help).
However… Last Sunday they advertised the GPS unit Toney and I want, for a ridiculously low price. It was listed as Black Friday Prices Now! And it was a damn good deal. The thing usually sells for $299, but is sometimes on sale for $249. They had it for $189.
So, being a glutton for punishment, I went over there (again). And it was an amazing thing to behold. Everything had changed.
There was a greeter by the front door, who was friendly without being pushy. And as we made our way into the belly of the store everyone wanted to assist us, bending over backwards to be helpful. Plus, they all looked like regular folks. What did they do with the sullen assholes with Rolling Rock bottle caps embedded in their earlobes? I don’t know, and don’t care.
And the most amazing part? They actually had the GPS units we’d come for, seven or eight of them. I couldn’t believe it; I almost dropped a rectal plate.
When we went to the front to pay there were lines at every register. So a manager (I think) came rushing over, and offered to ring us up in customer service. It was a completely new experience.
Who knows? If they’d started treating people with respect ten years ago, they might not be fighting for survival now. It’s amazing what desperation can do, it really is.
And I need to cut this one a little short; the boys are home half-day from school, and it sounds like a rock concert in the middle of a Chuck E. Cheese in here.
I’ll leave you now with a question about “comfort TV.” Recently we spoke about comfort food, something you turn to that somehow has the power to make everything seem OK in the world. Even when it isn’t.
I think there are certain TV shows with the same power, and for me it would be The Andy Griffith Show, Green Acres, and stuff like Gilligan’s Island. All very familiar, innocent, and goofy… What about you? Are there any television programs which scratch that particular itch for you?
In addition to TV, I also turn to old time radio, and specifically Jean Shepherd. When I’m stressed at work (which is happening more and more), I turn to Jean and he somehow takes the edge off. I cling to my iPod like a life preserver…
So, there ya go. If you have anything on this subject, or any subject for that matter, tell us about it in the comments.
And I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
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Filed under: Daily
1st!!
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saying Hi quickly!
now I gotta go pee
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Last!!
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I hate snow in November.
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Could it be – Top 5 ???
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Just getting in early.
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On the radio, XM Satellite 150 (uncensored comedy) does it for me.
On TV: Cheers, Friends, Robot Chicken, Home Improvement (the older ones where the kids were little, the material was fresh and the show wasn’t ‘preachy’ yet).
Gilligan’s Island used to work for me until my brain kicked in on the implausibility of it all. And I’ve since heard that GI is a metaphor: Gilligan is the devil (red shirt you know) and the other people on the island represent one or more of the 7 Deadly Sins: sloth, greed, gluttony, etc. Kinda killed it for me, ya’ know?
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Oh – yeah – thanks Jeff – I just wet myself.
Well – here’s hoping the power of suggestion will work the other way … you have to take a dump – there is serious pressure against the outer walls of your bowels – you long for the smell of a freshly squeezed turd and the sudden relief you feel at it’s expulsion.
I SO hope you read that at work!
Comfort food? Gotta be ice cream – specially soft server DQ ice cream. It makes everything better!
Comfort TV? M*A*S*H is one of those shows I can drop everything for and watch again – even though I’ve seen them all a thousand times.
Grunt. Push. Plop.
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I don’t really understand the piss test. Are we supposed to sit here and piss our pants? That’s what I did. Let me know if that’s somehow helpful.
I’m really into “The Office” and “Mad Men” these days. But it seems like they only come on once every two or three hundred days. And “The Office” is only about 9 minutes long when you take away commercials.
For lunch we had a “french onion quiche” she called it. It smelled fantastic. But when she presented it I was very disappointed. It was a pie shell with whole onions tossed in it. Whole onions! That can’t be right. So we got into a fight. I called her a “crazy idiot” for making a pie outta whole onions, and she said something about putting away my penis, or whatever. I’m like most guys. When I get mad I like to take out my penis. Right? You with me? If I’m really mad I’ll thrust my hips back and forth and make it smack against my belly. Watch out, if you ever see me doing that, because it means I’m PISSED. If you see a guy at Wal-Mart with his penis out, just walk away.
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Forgot to mention. I went to Gilligan’s Island. It’s in the Bahamas.
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No. 11. Sweet.
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1-800-AX-PTMON
My lawyer can outpimp your lawyer!
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i happened to read this post upon returning from the loo, so no effect to report here….
when i feel the need for some comfort tv, i pop in star wars. yeah, it’s not tv, but close enough.
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I do have to pee, weird.
It must have been a customer service fluke, I have never had that kind of experience in THAT store. It has always been me leaving in a fuming huff with a “never again” flung out as the doors close. I giggled when they filed for bankruptcy. I am glad that someone had a good experience there even if it took financial ruin to bring it to pass.
The 2 most comforting TV shows for me are Designing Women and Mama’s Family. I don’t know why, it just is. IMaybe its because thats all that was on when I was a kid. Or maybe its because one is reality for me and one is fantasy. Who knows.
The most comforting Item I have is a big hideous yellow Bass Pro logo pillow I’ve had for 10 years, can’t sleep without it. It’s getting worn out and I cannot bring myself to get rid of it.
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Comfort TV… Family Guy. Nothing is sacred or safe from ridicule on that show. I love it. It makes my day when something they cover actually makes me cringe!
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Nope, no effect on the piss test. I mean, I COULD”VE peed.. just saying.
Seinfeld, Cheers, MASH, Frazier (ugh – nothing else on), According to Jim are the classics where I’ve seen ‘em all and still watch. I’m finding that Lost, Sopranos, and 24 reruns are now on cable and watchable. Newer shows – The Office and Chuck are always good for a laugh.
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Comfort TV = Golden Girls
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i’m guessing we got nowhere on convincing you to get long sleeved shirts?
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Don’t have to pee. Could stand a good handjob, though.
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I get it now. Comforting shows. I’d have to go with “All In The Family”. I like Archie and Edith. And when I was a kid I made a vow to myself. I’d bang Gloria. I figured that if meathead could get her I’d have a decent chance. But I think it’s okay to break that vow now. I’m not good at guessing weights, but she has to be four or five hundred pounds. Right? And she’s over in Africa handing out malto-meal, or whatever. The total opposite of sexy. I got obsessed with her because I saw her put both of her own fist in her mouth during one of the shows. Woo! But now she’s a fatty and I’m pretty sure she’s ate up with hysteria. Get a dildo, Gloria.
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I can’t pee…Matlock is on the Hallmark Channel.
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I had to take a leak when I opened the page. Now I really have to take a leak.
We are just under 9% unemployment here. I’ve always felt that the upside of high numbers is that allows you to weed out the morons and hire people who are desperate and probably over qualified.
I’m willing to bet that by July, especially if there’s no loan for the Auto companies) I’ll be able to order my Big Mac from someone who used to sell medical devices, while my Diet Coke will be dispensed by a former member of the UAW, my fries will be perfectly fried, hot and exactly salted by a mechanical engineer and the burger will be grilled by a guy with at least one PhD.
I just hope I’ll be able to afford a Big Mac by July.
But then this crisis will pass as they all do, unemployment will drop, and by 2011 I’ll be back to yelling “No, a Big Mac!… No! I said B I G M A C!” into a speaker to some dipshit kid with a staple in his face and a pissy attitude while burning $5 per gallon gas in my Brilliance China Automotive Zhonghua sedan.
I’ve never thought about comfort TV really. But I would say Cheers reruns, early Baywatch, Friends, stuff I don’t have to think about much.
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Carla-
If your reality is Designing Women send me your address. I always had a thing for Annie Potts.
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The only problem I’ve ever had with Circuit City is about 4 years ago when I bought a 57″ TV and they loaded up a 51″ TV. I didn’t notice this until we got to the house and were getting ready to unload the thing. Had to go all the way back to the store. Had the mistake been the other way around, I wouldn’t have minded. Can’t have Circuit City taking 6″ away from me. That only leaves me with 6.
Salted peanuts in the shell are my comfort food.
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No pee – sorry
Comfort TV – MASH, but only up unitl Frank Burns leaves, Simpsons, Family Guy, and shows featuring mini-turkeys with laser beams!!
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Comfort TV: Scrubs.
Pee test worked on me. Gotta go…
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I refuse to even enter Circuit City, Best Buy, or most of the other chain electronical stores. My tolerance for stupiduty is low and my tendency towards violence high, so it’s best for all if I avoid them. We do have a place here in the NW called Video Only for all your BAT needs, and they are, oddly, great. Friendly, knowledgable and the prices are lower than Costco.
and hey, I won’t even go into Fred Meyer unless it’s an emergency since their worthless fucking employees can’t be bothered to…… well to anything.
and more comfort Tv – Kelly’s Heros(movie), 2.5 Men, Dirty Jobs
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No pee-urge here.
Comfort reading: “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil”, “Panati’s Extraordinary Endings of Practically Everything & Everybody”, and the first Bloom County anthology.
Comfort TV: older Simpsons and X-Files episodes and Magnum P.I. (p.s. I’d still do Tom Selleck any day of the week)
Comfort food/drink: crab legs, sushi, clementines, green tea, rum and coke
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Oh yeah, and “Pushing Daisies” is of great televised comfort, but it will probably be canceled this week so there goes that.
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Being a child of the 80s, comfort TV includes the Cosby Show, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Roseanne…pretty much anything in the current Nik-At-Nite rotation. What great times we live in.
I just peed right before I read this, so it didn’t work on me.
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……….
Results from the power of persuasion? Just a slight tingly urge, but then it dawned on me I just peed maybe five minutes prior to reading that.
Of course, with the elebenty billion cups of coffee I consume in a 12 hour work period, I’ll be revisiting corporate pissquarters reasonably soon.
Can’t really say I have a “comfort TV” show, although I am strangely at ease and content when I’ve settled down to watch the Steelers or Penguins on TV
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I always have to pee. I go pee, just so I don’t have to go later. So, I do have to pee, but not ’cause of the test.
Strangely, I do not find TV comforting. When I am in need of comfort, I do not turn on the tv. Matter of fact, can not recall the last time I needed comforting. Maybe it’s because I’m a grownup?
If you mean calming, though, I have the xanax for that.
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Gretchen–I would do Tom Selleck, also. But, I’d want to pee first.
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Cheers works for me. Also Where Eagles Dare..not T.V. I know but it works anyhow.
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Yea Richard Burton saying “Marwie Marwie” Just kills me. Can’t be in a bad mood after that.
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No urination desires here.
Jorge:
Anne Potts?
The lady (Janine?) from Ghostbusters?
I understand being attracted to how she looks, but that voice…
I always liked The Adventures of Pete & Pete from the Nicoleodeon (spelling?) network.
Cartoons?
Space Ghost, Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law, Reboot, and The Venture Brothers are pretty good.
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pee test didn’t work on me.
Food Network is my comfort TV…any show- any time.
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WKRP in Cincinnati made me feel at one with the world.
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Ah yes – “Where Eagles Dare”. AKA “The Nazi’s That Couldn’t Shoot Straight”.
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harumpa – I heard that having sex with a full bladder is a blast. But I don’t really know. I have no idea where one would find a full bladder, much less one suitable for sex.
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Gotta agree with the XM 150.
On tv it’s law and order, I could watch that for hours, and have.
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No need to pee. Probably because I didn’t have a gallon of sweet tea at lunch.
Comfort food – chicken and dumplings
Comfort TV – Golden Girls, Cheers, Designing Women, any of Paula Deen ‘s shows and Queer Eye.
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Need to forget about my troubles – just pull out the old Seinfeld or Andy box sets and all is right with the world. Barney Fife and Kramer are my heroes.
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jason– break out the rubber sheets.
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I already had to pee, so no way to tell if your power of suggestipn would have worked
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and I’m with “not-other” kristin, if you can’t swing a “women’s” style tee, then I’d definitely be swayed by a long-sleeved version
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i might have to pee but I can’t tell… the opiates have that effect on me.
Comfort TV – Arrested Development or Sex and the City
Comfort foods – anything fried and on a stick, served to me by someone with few teeth and a really low IQ
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Jorge,
I wish my reality were Designing women, it is in fact more Mama’s Family than even I would like to admit.
I am surrounded by Iola’s and Vintons.
I am short, thin, red headed and have a southern accent.
I wish I were rich, successful and in syndication.
Oh well back to work.
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Jason,
I don’t know for sure but I bet you could get a bladder at the butchers, I wouldn’t ask them to fill it though.
Just a suggestion.
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Comfort TV
“It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”
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Comfort tv: any of those design/makeover shows, and the food network. Love it! I was home sick yesterday and watched a ton of food tv and style makeovers. Now theres a new show called BrideZilla…it’s about completely needy narcissistic controlling bitches planning their wedding to the poor sap who agreed to be shackled to them for life. It’s shows all the ways they abuse their friends and family, and yet, someone still wants to marry them. It’s downright disturbing and scares the hell out of me.
And no, I don’t have to pee….
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Carla,
Me and the butcher are not on speaking terms at the moment. He thinks I’m a “sicko” for wanting to buy and consume tiny baby turkeys.
Have yall ever heard of hamburger soup? It sounds good but I’m not sure how you make it. What, do you just drop a hamburger in a bowl and pour hot water over it?
My grandfather used to say, “The piccolo is the most difficult instrument to play. Master it and you’ll have the world by the buttcheeks!” I’m not so sure he was right.
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I didn’t have to pee until I read all the comments about not having to pee. Kind of like in the morning when I brush my teeth and I tell my self over and over, “i’m not gonna gag, I’m not gonna gag, I’m not gonna gag” and before I know it I’m dry heaving over the sink and if I had just not thought about it at all I probably would have made it. Stupid electric toothbrush.
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M*A*S*H and Barney Miller.
Out, y’all
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Brooke,
I vomited this morning while brushing my teeth. I used the guest bathroom to avoid waking up my wife and little baby. The found some toothpaste in the closet and went after it. But the toothpaste tasted like meat. The tube says “Hatchwells Meat Flavour Toothpaste” Suitable for dogs and cats. I have one dog named Willie Nelson. But he never brushes his teeth.
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Comfort TV imagine Obama watching the Andy Griffith show: “But Mom where’s the rest of the family?”
Talking of pee tricks is putting the sleeping guys hand in warm water for real or an urban legend?
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No pee for me… Just got done dropping a duece and eliminated the bladder at that time. Oh yeah and it was at work.
Comfort TV is Leave it to Beaver, Brady Bunch, Andy Grifith, Seinfield, and Friends.
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No Pee…which rhymes with Opie…love Mayberry
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Pagan – oh it’s for real alright. I pulled that trick on several drunken comrades back in my Army barracks days.
Hey Jeff – it’s time for your 2nd visit to the loo. You are feeling your bowels start to exhibit extreme pressure …
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TV shows – Barney Miller, and Maxwell Smart.
Any chance that my cries for a coffee mug with the old logo have been heard?
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My comfort TV is definitely Dexter… every Sunday the stress just vanishes as I think about how much fun it would be to kill a bunch of these asshats that are fucking with my Chi.
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#62 – woo hoo!
I don’t think the experiment was valid in my case, ’cause I already had to pee.
Comfort food is Thanksgiving-y wintertime-type stuff: mashed potatoes with gravy, green bean casserole, pot roast, any kind of roasted meat. And Planters Dry Roasted Peanuts, of course.
I guess my comfort TV nowadays is Top Gear; that’s a fun show.
Re: radio, I used to listen to Jean Shepherd as a kid in the early 1970s. He was on WOR (710 on your dial) weeknights from 11:15pm until midnight, because WOR had a 15-minute (!) newscast at the top of very hour. I would listen in bed with the radio volume turned down microscopically low, since I was supposed to be asleep. Even at age 13 I knew it was good stuff.
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No pee urge, and I just got back from a 3 hour drive…
Comfort TV: Seinfeld, Simpsons, Family Guy, Ren and Stimpy, Red Dwarf. I would like to include all the old Roadrunner and Looney Toons, but they are all censored not so as to not warp the minds of the “precious snowflake” generation, so they just enrage me when I watch them now.
I have comfort movies too: Dazed and Confused, Blade Runner, Office Space, Band of Brothers, Almost Famous
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chrispy,
Only you would understand my secret identity: I am the STIG!!
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Dexter is actually based on Jason:)
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pagan,
Hey! I saw you on the road this morning on the way to work. Red VW GTI with a license plate reading “IM STIG”. True fact. But don’t you feel a little self-conscious wearing Nomex on the subway?
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There is only one TV show that never fails to soothe me and make me feel that all is right with the world – Sanford and Son.
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Comfort TV=Magnum PI, Miami Vice, and Simon and Simon. No, not the A-Team…talk about implausible! All those 60s/70s comedies give me the heebee geebees for some reason…Gilligans Island, MASH, Hogan’s Heroes, Andy Griffith, Get Smart…puke!
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Comfort Tv is definitely some Andy Griffith or a little Gomer Pyle, USMC. Newer comfort TV includes Scrubs, How I met your mother, and The Office. Comfort movies would be Knocked Up, Gladiator, and on occasion, McClintock and Hatari! with John Wayne. Comfort foods are homemade Beef Stew and my father’s London Broil…so good.
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Since we’ve branched out into comfort movies, I’ll put in a plug for The Big Lebowski. Or Fargo; any Coen Brothers, really. Also Nick Park’s “Wallace and Gromit” series.
Fuck it, dude. Let’s go bowling.
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peeing: nope. but i offered to pee in the saftey manager’s mouth when they demanded i take a pee test at work. i asked if it could also wait a couple of days so i could eat a bushell of asperagas and a couple pots of coffee…..
comfort radio: Imus. or Cousin Brucey. and I’m only 28.
Comfort TV: Voltron. or Gundam. Or Startrek or Cosby show or ALF or… that’s about it.
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The pee test had the opposite effect – I am pg so normally i have to pee all the time, but you may have cured that. Thanks!
Comfort tv = King of the Hill, Coupling (US version), Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations, Golden Girls. Oh, and Michael Palin’s travel documentaries.
Comfort food = dim sum or sushi, and beer.
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Pee Test – no effect
Comfort TV – the patrol car video of me beating the crap out of Jason with my night stick.
Comfort Food – Tiff’s lasgana and a bottle of Evan Williams 1783
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It’s all fun and games until someone loses a toupee or gets a coke bottle stuck up their ass.
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Pee experiment didn’t work. Comfort TV is Wings *the sitcom, not the A&E plane show).
Comfort food is French Toast.
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I could watch Bonanza through a terrorist attack.
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Comfort TV is the Playboy channel. Comfort food are Thin bread wafers. I sit to pee and don’t have to at the moment.. I agree with Dave… Could use a good (or bad) handjob right now.
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Pee test – no effect, which is weird, because I have TB.
Comfort TV = Dirty Jobs, Mythbusters, Food TV, or HGTV. Could watch that stuff all day.
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Great report! I think the content rating goes up as your blood preasure rises! lol No pee but MAN did I pinch a huge loaf…was that some kind of reverse phycology trick?
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I had to pee before I started reading. So no effect.
I appreciate all of the hard work and dedication that Jeff puts into this site so I will rarely complain but is there anyway you can limit a person to a certain number of posts per day? It’s starting to feel like the comments section is the “Jason Show”. I don’t really mean to single the guy out, but there’s only about 10000 people who read this site and for one person to put up 70% of the posts is a little self centered, I think, but then again I should probably just shut up and get back to work.
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KYDave,
I’ll stop posting so much. No more than one a day will be the goal.
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