The West Virginia Surf Report!

Ranking the Seasons and Days of the Week, and an Open Apology to the Weatherman

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check-listIt feels like I’m inside the devil’s peehole. Summer is bullshit. It’s something I endure, not enjoy. The heat and humidity, and everything just growing and growing and growing… It’s suffocating, and demoralizing. Fall can’t get here soon enough. This crap eats it from the ass-in.

Once again, here’s how I rank the seasons:

1. Fall
2. Spring
3. Winter
4. Summer

Just like in politics, I don’t like extremes on either end of the spectrum. I prefer cold to hot, though. So, there you are. The less-extreme seasons are at the top, ranked cold, then hot. How would you rate ’em?

Also, I’ve never liked Sundays. Since we’re airing our grievances… They’re far too lazy for my tastes. I’ve got nothing against laziness, mind you. But I need some vibrancy around me. I like to be the lazy sack at the eye of the storm. Ya know? Sundays are limp, and depressingly dull.

Saturdays are good, though. And so are Thursdays and Fridays. I like those light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel days. It gives me hope. Monday through Wednesday are not good days, but better than Sunday. The days of the week, ranked:

1. Saturday
2. Friday
3. Thursday
4. Wednesday
5. Tuesday
6. Monday
7. Sunday

What are your thoughts on this important issue?

Remember how I was criticizing the weather “geniuses” for scaring us off from a planned trip to Knoebels on Thursday? Well, I guess I owe them an apology? The place almost got washed out to sea.

We went to dinner that night, at Cracker Barrel, and some high-weirdness happened. I was sitting there shoveling forkfuls of chicken and dumplin’s into my complaint hole, when everybody’s phone started shrieking.

It was a severe weather alert, and every phone in the house received it. At first I thought it might be a dispatch from Obama (“Obey!”), but soon figured it out. The message told us to take shelter, ’cause some bad shit is on its way. It was disconcerting, to have every phone go off like that.

Yeah, and everybody just kept on eating.

We’re now past the halfway mark on the new Surf Report shirts, heading toward the final days. If you haven’t pre-ordered, now’s the time. Here’s your link. Both designs are a thing of beauty, and the printer said he’d try to turn them around within 10 days. So, order away! After next Monday at noon, they’re gone forever.

I’ve been planning a new feature for the site, which I think will be fun. I’m going to try to start it on Friday, so stay tuned. If all goes well, it will be a regular every-Friday thing. I think you guys will like it. I’ve got several unusual ideas for this suffocating summer, and beyond.

Oh, and I posted this kinda-sorta book review on Saturday.

I need to go to work now, my friends.  If you’d like to rank things in the comments section, please do so.  You don’t need to stop at just the seasons and days of the week.  Rank your asses off!  Just choose a category, and go to town.

Thanks for stopping by here every day, it’s sincerely appreciated.

See ya again tomorrow!

Now playing in the bunker
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Comments

  3. You are spot-on with the seasons. Fall is by far the winner while summer is best spent in the A/C down in the man-cave!

    I’ve never really considered ranking the days of the week before, but here goes:
    Friday is my favorite;
    Saturday;
    Sunday;
    Thursday;
    Wednesday;
    Monday; and finally,
    Tuesday.
    Tuesday stinks because the previous weekend is a distant memory and the up-coming weekend is way too far away!

  4. Saturday, Friday, Thursday, [Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday], Sunday.

    Spring, Summer, Fall, anything else, Winter.

    Hamburgers, Brats, Hotdogs.

    Football, Baseball, Other.

    Cutting grass, cleaning gutters, shoveling snow, raking leaves

  5. Spring, fall, summer, winter

    Friday, the other days

    Cookies, spinach and other veggies, wine

    Elmo, Cookie Monster, Oscar

  6. My phone went off for one of those emergency alerts the other day and damn near gave me a heart attack. I never saw or heard that before on my phone. It also did it this morning while I was sleeping making me jump out of my sleep. I don’t care for that shit. Any way to turn those notifications off?

  7. Ringo, George, John, Paul

    beer, bourbon, wine, sterno

    birth, school, work, death

  8. Seasons: Spring, Fall, Summer, Winter

    Days: Saturday, Sunday, Friday, Thursday, Monday, Tuesday Wednesday

    Liquor: Bourbon, Vodka, Rum, Scotch, Gin

    WVSR Commenters: Funny, Topical, Jeff Reply, verbose storytellers, spambots, Firsters

  9. The worst season and the best season in south Arizona are the same, it’s monsoon season.

    I totally get why Indians did rain dances and people worship clouds and stuff, after 360 straight days of sunshine, rain is literally quenching your thirst.

    And while summer heat is “at least dry heat”, monsoon heat is not dry. It was 100 degrees outside immediately after it rained an inch or so. it is exactly like a sauna outside when that happens, but you can’t walk around with your unharnessed balls dragging the ground. Hold your head over a boiling pot of water until it’s too hot to bear, then don’t move your head. Just stand there for however long it takes you to walk from your car to the store. That’s what monsoon season is like. But, it only lasts for a few weeks.

  12. I’m with you on the seasons Spring, Fall, Winter, Summer with Spring only slightly edging out Fall.

  13. Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer

    Saturday, Friday, Thursday, Wednesday, Sundeay, Tuesday, monday

    Rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief

    cherry, blueberry, pumpkin, key lime pie.

    Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Easter

    On top, sideways, missionary

  16. -Mary Ann, Ginger, Mrs. Howell

    -Krispy Kreme, Dunkin’ Donuts, Tim Horton’s

    -Quizno’s, Jimmy John’s, Potbelly’s, Subway

    -Erin, Mary-Ellen, Olivia, Grandma Walton, the Baldwin Sisters, Elizabeth

    -hot dogs, apple pie, baseball, Chevrolet

    Hey! I think I’m starting to get the hang of this!

    • Speaking of donuts, has anyone tried those new “cronuts?” or whatever the hell they’re called. They go by a few names.It’s a combination donut and croissant. they look so damn good but I don’t know where to get my mitts on one.

    • Poor Elizabeth. I can see your reasoning for putting the Baldwin Sisters ahead of her (free recipe), but Grandma Walton? For one, she was a sack-o-meat bag and, two she was a bitch and a half. I think I cheered when she had a stroke.

  17. Fall, winter, spring, summer.
    Saturday, Friday, Sunday, Thursday, the others.
    Fancy beer, Scotch whisky, wine, gin, ,…, bourbon.
    Salt, fat, sugar.
    Taxes, death.
    Trek, Wars.
    .

  18. –Marathon, BP, Shell, ExxonMobil, Valero, Sunoco
    –Summer, Spring, Fall, Winter
    –Pumpkin, Lemon Meringue, Chocolate
    –Baked, Mashed, Fried, Boiled
    –College, Junior High, Elementary, Vocational-Technical-Trade, High School
    –Double Quarter Pounder, Filet-O-Fish, McChicken, Chicken McNuggets
    –Flea Markets, Garage Sales, Salvation Army, Goodwill

  19. Distortion, wah, octave, phaser, reverb, delay

    ESP, G&L, Ibanez, Gibson, Fender

    Jason, Freddy, Pumpkinhead, Mike Myers, Pinhead

    tits, ass

  20. Fall, Spring, Winter, Summer. I love the stuff we do in the summer…riding, camping, vacation, deck parties at home… But I can’t take the heat. I sweat like a ho on dollar night at the moment humidity rears its ugly head.

    Bob’s Burgers, Family Guy, American Dad, The Simpsons.

    Beef, pork, chicken

    Football, hockey, baseball

    The Godfather, Casino, Goodfellas

    • Oh, and…..

      Saturday, Friday, Sunday, Thursday, Wednesday, Tuesday, Monday. Although, to be honest, Friday *night* is my favorite of all.

  22. Larry, Shemp, Curly, Moe.

    Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer (Spring’s 3rd due to St. Louis having weird-ass spring seasons–sometimes it’s hot, sometimes it snows)

    Friday, Saturday, Thursday, Tuesday, Monday, Sunday.

    Ahem. The worst day in the week is a Sunday, as noted above, but even worst is a HOT Sunday. Second worst is a Sunday when you’re sick and need to go to an emergency room (or call the doctor), but you were too stupid to do this on a weekday TO the doctor so you could get admitted to the hospital…

    In closing, Sundays suck, regardless of what cartoons are on FOX later that evening.

  25. Fall, Spring, Summer, Winter

    the WVSR, Dlisted, AboveTopSecret

    Football, Football, Baseball

    Bacon, brats, Ham, Pork butt,
    and finally,

    dick. (that’s rank enough)

  26. I thought I was the only one who thought Sunday’s sucked. I have always felt that way, even as a kid. I feel better now.

  27. -Sean Connery, Daniel Craig, Roger Moore, Pierce Brosnan, George Lazenby, Timothy Dalton.

  28. Summer, Spring, Fall, Winter.
    Saturday, Friday, Sunday, Thursday, Wednesday, Tuesday, Monday.
    George, Paul, John, Ringo.