Professional hockey and foul-mouthed doctors

Wednesday, March 18th, 2009

Thanks to the kindness of Surf Reporter Brian, Toney, the boys, and I will be attending tonight’s Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins game. The man has connections, many connections, and made arrangements for us to get in for the very agreeable price of nothing. Pretty cool, huh?

I’m looking forward to it. I’m not the world’s biggest hockey fan, but have always been interested in seeing a few games live. I think it’ll be a blast. …Stay tuned for a full report.

And while enjoying another delicious Marlene Colander frozen meal today, I started thinking about the professional sports teams I’ve watched play at their home stadiums. I’ve been to quite a few baseball games, but not much beyond that.

Here’s my current list, not including minor league contests:

Baseball
Cincinnati Reds (Riverfront Stadium)
Philadelphia Phillies (Veterans Stadium)
Pittsburgh Pirates (Three Rivers Stadium)
Atlanta Braves (Fulton County Stadium)
New York Yankees (Yankee Stadium)
Boston Red Sox (Fenway Park)
San Francisco Giants (Candlestick Park)
Los Angeles Dodgers (Dodger Stadium)

Basketball
Atlanta Hawks (The Omni)
Los Angeles Lakers (The Forum)

Football
none

Hockey
none

As you can see, most of the stadiums I’ve visited are now gone, or no longer in use. The two I visited the most, in Cincinnati and Atlanta, have been bulldozed full-on.

I am a relic from a different era.

I’m sure plenty of you have been to more pro sports games than I have. Give us your lists, in the comments section. And if Steve’s reading this, you might want to submit yours in .pdf format. I don’t know if WordPress is equipped to handle the strain of your list. Sweet Jesus.

Toney and I were talking about something a few days ago, and somehow got onto the subject of profane doctors.

I don’t visit doctors very often, because I’m not really a fan. I’m always convinced they’ll want to twist a flashlight into my ass. But two times in my life I’ve encountered cussing medical professionals. Twice, during very limited exposure.

When we lived in California someone suggested an optometrist in Burbank, so I made an appointment. He seemed fairly standard, until he had me in the chair with that big see-thru apparatus pressed against my face.

He started flipping lenses around, and asking if each combination improved my vision or made it worse. Only, that’s not exactly the way he put it.

He’d flick the things for a couple of seconds, then say, “How’s that? Shitty? Is this any better? Did that make it shitty or better? Any better? Shitty? Shitty? Better?….”

It was bizarre. Who talks that way, especially to a person right off the street? I’d never met the man before. I wasn’t offended, of course, it just made me question the professionalism of this so-called doctor. I felt an urge to see his diploma, just to be sure. I had a feeling he might’ve ordered it out of the back of Rolling Stone.

But he turned out to be really good, and took great care of my problematic eyes. That first visit, however, left me scratching my tiny Duke head. Shitty?

Also in California (is a pattern developing?), our second son was born, via C-Section. I was in the room while the procedure took place, standing far enough behind the partition so I wouldn’t have to see anything ripping apart.

There were two docs there and, I kid you not, they made a golf date while extracting our baby. I fought an urge to holler: “Would you guys please focus?! This is kind of a big deal!”

But everything went well, and after Secret 2 joined us, one of the doctors asked if I wanted to cut the umbilical cord. I told him I’d pass, and he said, “Oh, don’t be such a pussy!”

I couldn’t believe it. A pussy?! Does Buck have a brother who’s a doctor in California?? It was all said in a joking way, but I wasn’t exactly buckled-over in laughter.

A nurse pressed some scissors into my hand, and I did cut the cord — against my will. And it felt like I was trying to saw through raw steak. Blecch.

But, pussy? It’s still amazing to me.

Have you had any unusual experiences with doctors? Has anything baffling happened, like with my foul-mouthed eye doctor, or our trash-talking baby-remover? Use the comments section to tell us all about it.

And I’m gonna cut this one a little short (like an umbilical). Both boys are home from school now, and are playing “music” in their rooms. It feels like I’m typing in the middle of a Best Buy store.

But tomorrow I’ll tell you all about our big-time hockey adventure. Should be fun!

See ya then.

Now playing in the bunker.

Filed under: Daily

89 Responses to “Professional hockey and foul-mouthed doctors”

tadpolegal, on March 18th, 2009 at 2:58 pm Said:

1st!

[Reply]
tadpolegal, on March 18th, 2009 at 2:59 pm Said:

Moderation- What moderation??

[Reply]
SkullyWV, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:00 pm Said:

No Way!

[Reply]
Matt in Florence, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:01 pm Said:

Hmm?

[Reply]
bennigan's nazi, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:01 pm Said:

third, bitchaz!

[Reply]
Rusty, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:03 pm Said:

Tada!

[Reply]
SkullyWV, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:05 pm Said:

I’ve been working for doctors for 20+ years now in a “Computer Guy” capacity.

I have seen the entire spectrum but the coolest was the doc being led away by FBI agents for insurance fraud while screaming that he had a waiting room full of patients that would die without his help.

He was a podiatrist.

[Reply]
ashton, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:05 pm Said:

T10 – been a while

[Reply]
Rusty, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:05 pm Said:

I saw the Pittsburgh Pirates play at Forbes Field.
Also, saw the Steelers play at Pitt Stadium.

[Reply]
Brandy, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:07 pm Said:

Ten! Again!

[Reply]
ashton, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:13 pm Said:

New Orleans Saints (Superdome)
New Orleans Saints (LSU)
Atlanta Falcons (Georgia Dome)

New Orleans Jazz (Superdome)
New Orleans Hornets (New Orleans Arena)

Washington Capitals (MCI Center)

New York Yankees (Yankee stadium)
Boston Red Sox (Fenway)
Baltimore Orioles (Memorial)
Texas Rangers (old stadium)
Texas Rangers (new stadium)
Houston Astros (Minute Maid)
San Francisco Giants (PacBell)

Whew!

[Reply]
Charles in PA, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:14 pm Said:

Come on 17

[Reply]
Brandy, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:15 pm Said:

I went to a Bucs game at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa once, but got way too drunk beforehand and don’t remember anything except thinking that the field looked way smaller in real life.

Been to a buncha Tampa Bay Lightning games at St Pete Times Forum (and formerly The Ice Palace). I go to see big bloody fights and the possibility of limbs being sliced off by speeding ice skates and then there’s always the potential for a good beheading, but no luck so far… just a few little scraps here and there.

[Reply]
Skippy, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:23 pm Said:

My general practitioner is one of the foulest mouthed (yet coolest) people I’ve ever seen. It seems as though he hasnt changed his style since he graduated med school in the 70′s. He still has the Rollie Fingers style moustache (and a pony tail). You can call him Doc or “John” but DO NOT call him “Dr. Smith”, I swear I think the gates of Hell open up if that happens.

[Reply]
Pagan, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:25 pm Said:

Two Scully Two Tadpole technically I’m top 10 based on bodycount:)

[Reply]
Skippy, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:26 pm Said:

Oh I forgot…
Cincinnati Reds (Riverfront)
Pittsburgh Steelers (3 Rivers)
We walked past Atlanta Fulton County Stadium one time when the Braves were playing. Does that count?

[Reply]
Juancho, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:30 pm Said:

No pro sports events. Fear of being tramped in a stampede.

[Reply]
Pagan, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:34 pm Said:

All the origional 6 Hockey arena’s, But the ultimate was being at the Blue Jay’s ist World Series final game at the Skydome (Even though the U.S. Marines hung the Canadian flag upside down we love you guys anyway!!) I have had the same G.P. for 20 plus years She is not only awesome but a georgeous lady, at my last medical the ole prostate finger was well in place when my cell phone rang. “I dare you to answer & tell them what’s going on” she said with a wicked grin! Is it wrong to be in love with your G.P.?

[Reply]
Evil Twin's Wife, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:37 pm Said:

When we lived in Atlanta, we always had season tickets to the Braves (whatever stadium in the 70s), and then when we moved to Kansas, we had season tickets to the Royals (whatever stadium in the early 80s). I think I saw the Chiefs play once, but again, this was the early 80s and I’ve lost many brain cells since that time. Oh! I did see Adam Ant there, too. Can’t remember the arena, but INXS was the opening act! I actually spoke to Michael Hutchence – their bus was parked in front, but we had no clue who the “guys with accents” were until they were up on stage. Woo hoo!

[Reply]
Bill in WV, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:40 pm Said:

Cincinnati Reds (Riverfront/Cinergy GABP)
Cincinnati Bengals (Riverfront/Cincergy & Paul Brown) also saw UC play WVU at Riverfront back in the 11-0 ’88 season
Atlanta Braves (Fulton Co) – remember, I was with you !!
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (in the old Sombrero) against Da Bears
Cleveland Cavaliers (in the old shithole they played in)
Lots of NASCAR tracks (Bristol, Martinsville, Richmond, Charlotte, Rockingham, probly more)

[Reply]
Gordie, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:49 pm Said:

MLB
Detroit Tigers (Tiger Stadium)
Cincinnati Reds (Riverfront Stadium & Great American Ballpark)
Chicago Cubs (Wrigley Field)
Chicago White Sox (new Comiskey Field)
Cleveland Indians (Jacobs Field)
Kansas City Royals (Kauffman Stadium)
Seattle Mariners (Safeco Field)
San Diego Padres (PETCO Park)

NFL
Indianapolis Colts (RCA Dome)

NBA
Detroit Pistons (Silver Dome)
Indiana Pacers (Market Square Arena & Conseco Fieldhouse)

NHL
Detroit Red Wings (Joe Louis Arena)
Columbus Blue Jackets (Nationwide Arena)
St. Louis Blues (Scottrade Center)
Dallas Stars (Reunion Arena)

[Reply]
oblvios, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:53 pm Said:

Never heard a doc swear, but once after I had been shooting the breeze with my GP for about 30 minutes (seriously), I told him I thought we should wrap things up so that he could get to the rest of his patients. He responded with a casual “Screw ‘em” and then added, “Don’t tell them I said that.” He’s my favorite doc ever.

Mind you, this is the same guy who, the first time I visited his office, winced openly and let out a loud “eewww” upon examining an enormous, painful cyst-like pimple on my neck. (I’m not a baby — It hurt like hell and would NOT go away.) After telling me that the best treatment was simply warm compresses until it “resolved itself”, he got a disgusted look on his face and asked if I wanted a bandage for “that thing”. Please… don’t hold back, doctor.

[Reply]
Alice in WV, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:55 pm Said:

can’t believe they forced you to cut the cord!

[Reply]
Gretchen, on March 18th, 2009 at 3:56 pm Said:

Philadelphia Phillies (Veterans Stadium)
Pittsburgh Pirates (PNC Park)

My former GI doc once said to me, “I biopsied the hell out of it!” while ironically in the act of twisting a flashlight into my ass (well, lit camera, same difference).

I also had a dentist once assure me that “pain elevates one to a higher level.” While he didn’t do the cussing, I sure did.

[Reply]
Shiny Rod, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:02 pm Said:

When I went in to get a vasectomy years ago, the Dr said to me, “You got balls coming in here today!!!”, then he laughed and said it helps relax the patients for whats to “eeehhum” come. My balls were not a bit amused. Slightly numb but not amused.

[Reply]
Pickles the Clown, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:03 pm Said:

Hey Jeff have a great time at the game. Hopfuly you’ll get sucked in. Live hockey can do that to people. I can’t wait for the report!

Go Wings!

[Reply]
Shiny Rod, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:04 pm Said:

@oblvios – sure that wasn’t a Botfly?

[Reply]
Shiny Rod, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:05 pm Said:

@Pickles the Clown – Like WWF wrestling and it also lowers your IQ.

[Reply]
Pickles the Clown, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:05 pm Said:

Detroit Tigers (Tiger Stadium and Comerica Park)
Detroit Lions (Silver dome and Ford Field)
Red Wings (Joe Louis Arena)
Detroit Pistons (Palace of Auburn Hills)
Saginaw Spirit Hockey (Dow Events Center)

[Reply]
kristin, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:07 pm Said:

NHL

MN Wild (Xcel center – and played there once myself!)
NY Rangers (MSG)
Blackhawks (United Center)
MN North Stars (Met Center – rest it’s soul)

AHL

Hartford Wolfpack (Old Whalers arena)

MLB

MN Twins (Met Stadium and the Dome)
NY Yankees (Yankee stadium)

Minors
Brooklyn Cyclones (Keyspan Stadium on Coney Island)

NASCAR
Pocono Raceway

Soccer
MN Kicks (Met Stadium)

That’s all I can think of.

[Reply]
Pickles the Clown, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:07 pm Said:

@ Shiny – There is some acting in Hockey…but nothing like big time wraslen as I’ve heard.

[Reply]
jeff_in_niagara, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:10 pm Said:

I think hockey’s definitely my favourite sport to watch live, but hey, I’m a canuckistani.

Hockey
Montreal Canadians (new rink- Bell Center?)
Ottawa Senators (Palladium-Scotiabank whateverthehellitscalled)
Buffalo Sabres (HSBC Center)
Chicago Blackhawks (United Center)
Ottawa 67′s (Junior A team, Civic Center)

I could never afford to see the Leafs, even though I lived a half block from the Gardens when I was 25.

Baseball
Toronto Blue Jays (The Ex, and the Dome)

Football
Buffalo Bills (Wilson Stadium, Orchard Park. Never. Again.)
if the CFL counts, Ottawa Rough Riders (Landsdowne Park)

Basketball
Detroit Pistons (The Palace at Auburn Hills)

Worst crowd I’ve ever been in, and I used to tour with a band, was the Bills fans at a playoff game against Joe Montana & the KC Cheifs. The home team won, and the crowd was still the most miserable, ignorant bunch of load-mouthed drunken retards that I’ve ever come across. I cursed them for all eternity.
Bills superbowl record? 0-4 Co-incidence?

[Reply]
Shiny Rod, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:11 pm Said:

@Alice in WV – Cut the cord? My ex’s OB told me to get in here and catch this damn thing, you put it in there, now you help it come out. Thats the last baby we made together. I think all teenage boys at 13 should have to assist in a birthing. That will put a stop to a whole lot of unwanted prenancies.

[Reply]
Jason, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:13 pm Said:

Saw The Reds at katz gentlemen’s club in Meridanville, AL. True redheads, I’ll say that for ‘em.

[Reply]
Shiny Rod, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:15 pm Said:

@Pickles the Clown – you want to see a good fight just stand in the hallway of any inter-city public school. Your bound to witness some real fighting and it usually involves someones mother.

[Reply]
ashton, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:17 pm Said:

Damn, forgot Wrigley.

[Reply]
Anthony, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:18 pm Said:

MLB
Cincinnati (Riverfront Stadim/Cinergy Field, Great American BallPark)
Pittsburgh (PNC Park)
Philadelphia (Citizens Bank Park)
Washington D.C. (Nationals Park)
New York (Yankee Stadium, Shea Stadium) Side note Shea was a DUMP!
Detroit (Comerica Park)
Chicago (Wrigley Field)
St. Louis (Old and New Busch Stadium)

Minors
Huntington WV (St Cloud Commons)
Charleston (Watt Powell Park, Appalachian Power Park)
Trenton, NJ (not sure of the name park)

NBA
None

NHL
Columbus (Nationwide Arena)

ECHL (east coast hockey league)
Huntington, WV (Big Sandy Superstore Arena)

NFL
Pittsburgh (Heniz Field) Preaseason though

College Football
Huntington (Joan C. Edwards Stadium)
Knoxville TN (Neyland Stadium)
Mobile AL (Laad Peebles Stadium)
Gainsville FL (Ben Hill Griffen Stadium)
East Lansing MI (Spartan Stadium)
Detroit (Pontiac Silverdome)
Athens OH (Bobcat stadium)
Clemson SC (Death Valley)

[Reply]
Shiny Rod, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:19 pm Said:

Best sporting event I ever attended – 1980 Miss America Pagent, the swimsuit competition was fierce and the girls were taking no prisoners.

[Reply]
Anthony, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:20 pm Said:

Damn forgot

Nascar
Concord NC (Lowes Speedway)

minor league
Savannah GA (Sand gnats Stadium)

Also I am A Reds Season ticket holder so I am at Great American quite a bit! Its my second home!

[Reply]
Tyrosine, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:22 pm Said:

Toronto Blue Jays -Exhibition Stadium
Toronto Blue Jays -Skydome
Montreal Expos -The Big O (Olympic Stadium)
Toronto Maple Leafs -Maple Leaf Gardens

[Reply]
Scott, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:26 pm Said:

26 Major League Ballparks
19 Minor League Ballparks

Next up in June…

Busch Stadium
Modern Woodman Stadium (Daverport, IA)
US Cellular Field

[Reply]
Stephanie, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:30 pm Said:

I was new in town, and had my first visit to the eye doctor at the local Wal Mart(!) I was accompanied by my fiancee, and when my name was called, we were both led into the examination room. My fiancee sat in a corner (the room was darkened, so you couldn’t exactly read a magazine in there!) so he sat quietly and listened to my explanations to the doctor, ensuring that I didn’t leave any vital information out (I go in for one thing, then start on a rant about another, and lose my train of thought). Like now.

Anyway…the doctor puts that big eye lens machinery thing up against my face, and proceeds to tell me that I have beautiful lips. WTF??? I am like…”Dude, my fiancee is sitting right in the corner, and he’s going to kick your ass”. I didn’t say anything then…just got really uncomfortable. Then, he tells me he really has a “thing” for redheads. My fiancee was like “Okay, exam OVER”. This guy was beyond creepy, and I always wonder what he would have said (or even done) if I had gone in there alone!

Days later, I received a call at my JOB (where you were NOT allowed to take personal calls) from Mr. Creepy Eye Doctor to tell me that my contact lenses had arrived! (You fill out all info, including work when you first arrive as a new patient) He called back there at least twice, asking to talk with me! (Bosses were NOT pleased. Did they think *I* was???)

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I was a work recently, (a different job, which is not in a private office, but is a “public” job) when who should come by, but Mr. CED himself!!! He is salivating when he sees me, then asks “Are you still with that fella?” and “You are SO gorgeous”. I could have strangled him with my bare hands, since he was standing there with his 12 year-old son at the time! A real piece of work, this guy…teaching the young ‘un real well…NOT.

[Reply]
Shiny Rod, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:32 pm Said:

Here’s my current list, not including college and minor league contests:

Indy Racing

Indianapolis 500 (Speedway, IN)
Brickyard 400 (Speedway, IN)
Long Beach Grandprix (Long Beach Ca)

Major League Baseball

Detroit Tigers (Tiger Stadium)
Chicago (Wrigley Field)
Cincinnati Reds (Riverfront Stadium)
Houston Astros (Astro Dome)

NFL
Indianapolis Colts (RCA Dome)

NBA
Indiana Pacers (State Fair Grounds and Market Square Arena)

[Reply]
Eugene B Sims, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:34 pm Said:

Baseball:
Cincinnati (Riverfront Stadium)

Football:
Washington D.C. (RFK Stadium)
Charlotte (Whatever the hell it’s named know… Bank of America?)
Chapel Hill (Kenan Stadium) – A preseason game with Washington & Atlanta

Hockey:
Greensboro (Coliseum was the temp home for the first two seasons. I was one of the few attendees during those two seasons.)

Basketball:
Nothing

NASCAR racing (it is a major sport):
North Wilkesboro (Davey Allison won)
Charlotte (Jeff Gordon and Bobby Labonte’s first wins stand out from the many times I’ve been there)
Darlington (don’t remember the winner there)
Martinsville (too many winners to remember)

[Reply]
Eugene B Sims, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:36 pm Said:

Oh… The NHL team was the Carolina Hurricanes. Sorry.

[Reply]
Tyrosine, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:37 pm Said:

Doctors:

My mom was a nurse and when I was a kid she worked in the OR of a veteran’s hospital, so I got a LOT of doctor stories. The first that comes to mind happened when I was six. My mom took me in to work on her day off to pick up her paycheque (these being the days before direct deposit). We stopped in the doctor’s lounge to chat and a couple of MDs fresh out of surgery asked if I wanted a coke. I of course said yes, and was directed to the door of the fridge. There was no coke. There were, however, about 10 glass vials each holding a human eyeball, bobbing in preservative, staring back at me. This kinda freaked me out, which gave everyone a good laugh.

I never got my coke.

[Reply]
Ognir, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:41 pm Said:

I saw two Pirates games in Three Rivers Stadium. It was like watching ants from on top of a hill.

[Reply]
harumpa, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:42 pm Said:

I briefly moved back to my hometown after a hurricane in FL in the early nineties. I took my kid to the same family doctor that I had seen growing up for the 30 months we were in PA. I also had said Dr. give me my “yearly exams”–girls you know what I’m talking about. My family doctor from when I was like 3 to the time I was 19 is a heavy smoker and drinks brown liquor on the rocks. How do I know? He was regular at the theme restaurant I was managing. that’s more shocking than swearing to me. Shocking.

[Reply]
aminnev, on March 18th, 2009 at 4:54 pm Said:

I’m thinking . . .

MLB
Dodgers @ Dodgers Stadium (at least I think it’s still called that)
California Angels/Anaheim Angels @ that stadium in Anaheim, CA
Oakland A’s @ McAfee Stadium?(some computer-like company has naming rights)

NFL
LA Raiders @ the Coliseum (preseason)

NHL
LA Kings @ Staples
Ducks @ Arrowhead Pond (now something else)
Dallas Stars @ AA Arena
Phoenix Coyotes @ AmericaWest arena (now somewhere else)
LB Ice Dogs @ LB Arena (now defunct team)

[Reply]
aminnev, on March 18th, 2009 at 5:00 pm Said:

how could I forget . . .

Edmonton Oilers @ Rexall Place
and the outdoor Heritage Game in Edmonton, AB

Oh, instead of NHL as my title, it should just be Hockey since LB Ice Dogs were ECHL.

[Reply]
Jorge, on March 18th, 2009 at 5:04 pm Said:

I don’t recall any swearing MD’s, but if I didn’t think a surgeon was concentrating while taking a knife to a loved one I think I might have actually asked them to focus.

On the other hand, I have been in the OR now, and I have seen the Doc work and talk and it seemed like he did a fine job.

On to the sports thing…

MLB:
Detroit Tigers (Tiger Stadium and Comerica Park)

NFL:
Detroit Lions (Silver dome and Ford Field)
Buffalo Bills (Whatever the name was in Jan, 93)

NHL
Red Wings (Joe Louis Arena, season ticket holder for 3 Stanley cups)
Boston Bruins (Boston Garden)

NBA
Detroit Pistons (Palace of Auburn Hills and Silver Dome)

NASCAR:
Michigan International Speedway (Grandstand and Pits)

College Hockey:
FSU Bulldogs (Taggart Arena? and the Joe Louis Arena)

College Football
FSU Bulldogs (Top Taggart Field and Valpariso)
Univ. of Michigan (The Bug House)

My little brother and two of his college buddies went to the Superbowl in ’95 (49er’s-Chargers) in Tampa. They were there because they won the Ocean Spray National Tabletop Football Championship. Seriously, it was even on ESPN 2 at 3AM or so.

[Reply]
ashton, on March 18th, 2009 at 5:06 pm Said:

Damn, I forgot the A’s (Coliseum, Oakland) too.

[Reply]
Gretchen, on March 18th, 2009 at 5:45 pm Said:

Oh, we’re doing college events now?

University of Cincinnati Bearcats vs. Ohio University Bobcats (Fifth Third Arena)

Way up in the nosebleed seats and unfortunately right next to a heifer who was vigorously grazing her nachos and commandeering half of my seat with her unruly ass fat. Thanks for letting me relive the memory, Surf Reporters!! Ugh.

[Reply]
Joe T., on March 18th, 2009 at 6:00 pm Said:

MLB
Yankee Stadium
Shea
The Vet
Three Rivers for the MLB All Star Game
Olympic Stadium,,,saw Pedro pitch a 1 hitter for Les Expos

NFL
The Vet
Giants Stadium (for both Giants and Jets

NBA
Spectrum
Meadowlands…to see Jordan and the Bulls

NHL
Madison Square Garden
Meadowlands

Racing
Pocono, Dover (NASCAR)
Nazareth, Pocono, Watkins Glen (Indycar)
Montreal, Mexico City (Formula One)

[Reply]
Taiwan On, on March 18th, 2009 at 6:35 pm Said:

I am sure this will not be interesting to the WVSR readers, but it was very therapeutic for me….

MLB

Boston Red Sox (Fenway Pahk) (that’s right, Pahk)
Los Angeles Dodgers (Chavez Ravine)
Colorado Rockies (Coors Field)
San Francisco Giants (Steroids Stadium)

NFL

New England Patriots (all of the stadiums)
Los Angeles Raiders (Coliseum)

NBA

Boston Celtics (The Gahden and whatever they are calling the new arena these days)
Los Angeles Lakers (the Fabulous Forum)

NHL

none

As Jeff would say, I’m sensing a theme here. Boston. L.A. Interesting duality.

[Reply]
Lea, on March 18th, 2009 at 6:55 pm Said:

I grew up in a very small town in S.D., our town doctor(only one) was also the corrinor, and dabbed as a vet when people were healthy. My first visit as a “female” for the initiation to the humiliation of woman hood, He causualy looked up from between my knees and said “I’ve got a cold, I can’t smell a thing, Have you noticed any odor lately? Yep, died right there.

[Reply]
chill, on March 18th, 2009 at 7:25 pm Said:

I’m the opposite of a sports fan, yet I’ve been to see the Mets at Shea, Yankees at Yankee Stadium, and the Cubs at Wrigley. Cheap seats all, and no visits since the early 1970s. About five years ago I had several days of work in a building across the street from Fenway, mostly while games were in progress. Yeah, I didn’t think that counted. So far I’ve managed to stay football-free.

I’ve never had a doctor utter any form of profanity in my presence, but I think more of them should. You know, lighten up the mood a little.

[Reply]
Airandee, on March 18th, 2009 at 7:28 pm Said:

NFL:
Many PGH Steelers games (3 Rivers and Heinz Field) including an AFC championship win against the colts.
PGH Steelers vs Redskins (FEDEX Field)

MLB:
Countless Pirate Games (3 Rivers and PNC Park)
Nationals (Nationals Park (Note Fancy Stadium name)

NASCAR – Richmond International Speedway

NHL:
Penquins (Civic Arena/Mellon Arena/Igloo)
Capitals (MCI Center)

Fiesta Bowl 1984 – Pitt Versus Ohio State @Sun Devil Stadium.
Awesome game: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1984_Fiesta_Bowl

[Reply]
Mike in OH, on March 18th, 2009 at 7:32 pm Said:

After injuring my wrist at work, they sent me to a doctor who is a world renown hand specialist. He walks into the exam room and says, “Sorry I’m late. The guy in the last room got his hand stuck in a combine. It’s all fucked up.” A very excellent doctor.

[Reply]
Malcolm, on March 18th, 2009 at 8:32 pm Said:

OK, baseball:

New York Yankees in the old (unrenovated) Yankee Stadium
Boston Red Sox in Fenway Park (twice)
Cincinnati Reds in Riverfront Stadium (a game to remember)
Seattle Mariners in the original Kingdome
Chicago Cubs at Wrigley Field (day game, skipping work)
Chicago White Sox at old Comiskey Park (twice)

Football:

L.A. Rams in Anaheim Stadium

Basketball:

Boston Celtics at the Hartford Civic Center (counted as a home game)
Chicago Bulls at the old Chicago Stadium
L.A. Lakers at the Staples Center

Hockey:

Chicago Blackhawks at the old Chicago Stadium
New England Whalers at the Hartford Civic Center (WHL)

Man, I am fuckin’ old. The WHL, for chrissake.

I went to a urologist who had to check the blood flow in my testicles. With his hands all over my junk, he says its normal for everything to be shrinking cos, hey, we just met, right? No cussing, but I thought that comment was weird as hell. He wound up doing surgery on the wrong nut.

[Reply]
mr.moo, on March 18th, 2009 at 8:57 pm Said:

Atlanta Fulton County Stadium ya’ll

NLCS – 92 – Sid Bream – The Slide – Braves Win Braves Win Braves Win

’nuff said

Fired a Dr. once – he came in all huffy, “you’re ruiing my lifeuh” attitude – I explaine why I was there and he launches into a disinterested “it’s all your fault, re-engineer your very existence, I can’t believe you’re bothering me” speil – it wasn’t, different story and I can understand anyone in most any profession having a bad day but this was a TAD over the top – so I stop him in mid-lecture and simply say “you’re a dick – you have no talent for this – you’re fired, I’ll find someone else to treat me”.

He looked like I’d hit him with a turd-festooned cinderblock “Wha.. wha… did you say?”

“You’re a dick. You have no business practicing medicine. I don’t believe doctors are gods, and you’re a self-righteous little prick in a shitty lab coat. Bye bye”

I think he wet himself. Hope it changed his life.

[Reply]
Tammie, on March 18th, 2009 at 9:39 pm Said:

My doctor, Dr.Butt Pirate as I so fondly call him, would NEVER cuss but puts up with my rudeness and crudeness…

He deserves a medal.

[Reply]
Peter, on March 18th, 2009 at 10:16 pm Said:

NFL
Packers – numerous times at Lambeau (including a -30 degree game)
Steelers – 3 Rivers (used to room with Gary Anderson’s brother)
Redskins – JKC Stadium

MLB
Orioles – saw Cal Ripkin hit game-winning HR

NBA
Washington Bullets, er, Wizards – saw MJ in his final year
Pistons in Auburn Hills

NASCAR
Richmond

Indy
Richmond – Danika looks better without a firesuit

Miscellaneous
Columbus GA Arena Football (Vipers)
Columbus GA Hockey (Cottonmouths)
Columbus GA Baseball (Catfish)
Tuskegee-Morehouse Football Classic in, you guessed it, Columbus GA

[Reply]
mountie9wv, on March 18th, 2009 at 11:10 pm Said:

I live in WV so:

WVU Mountaineers at Mountaineer Field and Coliseum.
Others that don’t count.

Once told my wife’s doctor, who happens to be one of my best friend’s dad, that if he didn’t fix her sore neck (as we were leaving for vacation), I wouldn’t be getting road head. He just shook his head in disgust. I laughed like a hyena.

[Reply]
Big Bear In OH, on March 18th, 2009 at 11:54 pm Said:

Well let’s see…when playing HS football, I had a sideline team doc tell me that I “Broke the fuck out of your shoulder–you should really have somebody look at that–oh wait, that’s my job” and the ER doc tell me that “shit don’t bend like that, son”.

As for a list of stadiums, here goes:

NBA: Cleveland Cavaliers at the Q and Gund (Same place, totally different team)

NFL: Browns Stadium–both new and old
Steelers at Three Rivers
Cincy at whatever they’re calling it this year

Hockey: Blue Jackets at Nationwide
Cleveland Lumberjacks (Semi-pro?) at home

Soccer: Columbus Crew vs LA Galaxy @ Crew Stadium
Also was involved in a soccer riot there vs Chicago…good times.

Indy Cars at Mid-Ohio, Cleveland GP, and Indianapolis 500
Nascar at MMS (Trucks) and Talladega (cars)

Baseball: Cubs @ wrigley, Indians at the Jake, Cincy at both, and Pittsburgh on July 4′th for the best fireworks 1997 had to offer.

College Football: Ohio Stadium for 2 seasons, U of M–the big library, Notre Dame, Ohio U, Ohio Northern, Toledo, Bowling Green, Akron, Miami of Ohio, Florida, and strolled past a Louisville football game once.

Misc.–I’ve seen Professional Bull Riding three times, and amateurs hundreds more.

I spend a lot on tickets, I’ve noticed.

[Reply]
bino in nh, on March 19th, 2009 at 1:37 am Said:

NBA:

Knicks vs Buffalo Braves at the New Haven Coliseum
(preseason–Ernie D’s first pro game…1973)

Celtics at OLD and NEW Boston Garden multiple times

NHL:
Bruins at Old and New Garden (The old place was BUILT for Hockey and Boxing)

Football:

Patriots at Old Foxboro Stadium and new Giulette, including last year’s AFC Championship where they beat the Chargers then choked on 18-0

LA Raiders at the Coliseum (The Bo Jackson “You’re in my way so I think I’ll run you over, you undersized Denver Bronco safety” game)

Harvard vs Yale (THE Game)
at Harvard 1982
at The Yale Bowl (best football stadium everrrrrrr) 2007

Inaugural XFL game NY-NJ vs Las Vegas at Sam Boyd Stadium in Vegas

Baseball:

Yankees-Tigers doubleheader 7/2/78 at Yankee Stadium (gone)
(Guidry wins opener to start season 13-0; Goose gets a save and a win in the nightcap)

Fenway to see the Sox ((Worst baseball seats in that place…)

Mariners at the Kingdome (gone)

Giants at Candlestick (froze my ass off….in AUGUST!) I saw a game in Fenway in April one year when it started snowing, and it wasn’t as cold as the Stick on a windy August night)

Cubs at Wrigley vs Braves

Wht Sox at Old Comiskey (gone)

Orioles at Camden

[Reply]
Son of Sam, on March 19th, 2009 at 6:58 am Said:

Pirates three rivers and P.N.C.
Penguins season ticket holder.
Steelers three rivers and Hienz.
Cleveland Browns vs. Steelers at old shit hole in the land of Cleve.
Indians at the Jake ..nice field.
Nascar Charlotte and Indy
Indy 500 ’83
NHRA
Columbus
Norwalk
The Strip at Vegas .. real nice.
Gainesville just this past weekend.

[Reply]
Buck, on March 19th, 2009 at 7:00 am Said:

Cincinnati Reds (Riverfront)
Cincinnati Reds (Great American)
Pittsburgh Pirates (Three-Rivers)
Pittsburgh Steelers (Mountaineer Field)
Chicago Bulls (Thompson Boling Arena)
NASCAR (Bristol Motor Speedway)
NASCAR (Talledega)
BassMaster Classic (Solider Field)
BassMaster Classic (Superdome)
BassMaster Classic (Greensboro Arena (or whatever))
BassMaster Classic (The Igloo, Pittsburgh)

Okay, I don’t get out much–but they are pro sports damn it!!! Sort of.

Jeff is a pussy.

Dr. Buck–out

[Reply]
Buck, on March 19th, 2009 at 7:04 am Said:

Well, hell, since we’re adding college teams….

Tennessee Vols (Neyland Stadium)
West Virginia Mountianeers (Mountianeer Field)
Virginia Tech Hokies (Lane Stadium)
West Virginia Mountianeers (WVU Colisieum)
Tennessee Vols (Tompson Boling –First Game Ever)
Tennessee Vols (Stokley Center)
NC State (Carter-Finley Stadium)

Wel, yeah–it’s a pretty shitty list.

Buck Out

[Reply]
Zazu, on March 19th, 2009 at 7:43 am Said:

Waaaay back when I was young and still naive I went to see good old doc who had been in business since Christ was a kid. The décor was straight out of the 60’s and obviously was original. Gazing rapturously at the ceiling, he did the obligatory breast exam while his cigarette smoke nurse watched disinterestedly over his shoulder. Suddenly he stops and asks, “Know where I learned this?”

I gulped and timidly answered, “Med school?”

“Nope! Back of my dad’s Ford.”

I was so young I didn’t know what to say….

[Reply]
bikerchick, on March 19th, 2009 at 9:00 am Said:

On sports ….the only thing I have is the Steelers and Bucs at both Three Rivers and Heinz.

However, on the doctor side of things…holy shit…I could write a book considering I have worked for the greedy bastards for over 25 years. The one that sticks out in my mind though?…..
…I worked for a “very professional” plastic surgeon who was seeing a very shy teenager for the fist time about a breast reduction, with mother in tow. Now, let me just tell you…when the good Lord passed out tits…this poor girl stood there long enough to take out a mortgage. Fixated on the gigantious size during the quick but necessary examination, he blurts out, “You have come to the right place…we can definately do something about the size of these ‘ti–”… er, breasts, I mean”. The mother kind of snickered under her breath, shy teenager completely mortified, doctor so red turning purple, and I peed a little. We got outside of the exam room door and I said to the doc…what the fuck is your problem? which his reply was.. “holy fuck!! What the fuck just happened in there?!?” To this day, we still have a good laugh about it.

[Reply]
Ben K, on March 19th, 2009 at 9:02 am Said:

Pittsburgh Pirates (3 Rivers) — couple of times, one was a 20-inning game with the Cubs
Chicago Cubs (Wrigley)
Chicago White Sox (old Comiskey)
Oakland A’s (Oakland Coliseum or whatever it’s called)

Oakland Raiders (the Black Hole) — the Raiders suck, but home games sure are fun, like being in the world’s biggest biker bar.

Chicago Bulls (old Chicago Stadium)
Utah Jazz (Salt Palace and Delta Center)

Chicago Blackhawks (old Chicago Stadium)

Since we’re including races, I’ve seen the Daytona 500 (a day of my life I’ll never get back), the Indy 500, 24 hrs. at Daytona, LeMans, and F1 in Indy, Montreal, Britain, Hockenheim, and Monza. Plus a bunch of others, but those were kind of minor-league.

Never had any doctors who swore, or who were memorable in any other respect for that matter.

[Reply]
Lew in Bama, on March 19th, 2009 at 9:12 am Said:

Stadiums:
NFL
Tennessee Titans (LP Field)

MLB
Atlanta Braves (Fulton)
Toronto Blue Jays (have no idea what it’s called)

NASCAR
Atl Motor Speedway
Talledega

NCAA Football
Alabama (Bryant Denny)
Auburn (Jordan-Hare)

[Reply]
Jerry in WV, on March 19th, 2009 at 9:14 am Said:

Hey Big Bear – I snapped my arm, just below the shoulder joint. It was actually in 3 pieces. Had to wait over night until the surgeon came to repair it. When he got there he said, “Jerry, do you know how badly you are hurt? I said that I was told I had a broken arm. Then he said, “true, but let me explain……. your arm snapped in 3 pieces. You tricep and front deltoid detached from the bone and all that is holding you arm onto your body is skin and blood vessels! It is basically cut off from the inside, but i can fix it!” He did too! Works great now. Just have titaninum for most of my upper arm. Most of the bone is gone. Bill in WV has seen the x-rays. Gruesome.

[Reply]
mad motrcyclist, on March 19th, 2009 at 9:16 am Said:

Had a girlfriend in college, Darcey was her name, who told me that one time while she was at the doc’s office the doc made a somewhat inappropriate comment. He was doing some sort of pelvic exam and while he had two fingers in her cooch and one in her ass simultaneously, he decided that it was the appropriate time to tell her she had a really nice tan and how much he liked tan lines. Not exactly swearing, but still a bit odd.

[Reply]
Carlos, on March 19th, 2009 at 9:49 am Said:

I haven’t been to many live sports venues:

COLLEGE FOOTBALL
Florida State University — Doak Campbell Stadium

NBA
Orlando Magic — TD Waterhouse Center (formerly the “O-rena” and now named something else…)

ECHL HOCKEY
Tallahassee TigerSharks — Tallahassee Civic Center

I gotta say, though, the ECHL (farm-league hockey, about two steps down from NHL) hockey games were great! Being a poor student at the time, the games, usually two a week, were cheap entertainment; about $6 a ticket. You get everything, music, lights, nachos, hot chicks selling beer, fights, and the game itself was fun since the TigerSharks in the early days were pretty good. And the zamboni…don’t forget the zamboni… There’s something mesmerizing about watching a giant toaster scoot around the ice and making it all nice and smooth between periods. God help me if the zamboni driver missed a spot. I need help.

I’ve never had any doctors that swore, but my worst doctor experience was needing a wisdom tooth pulled on Christmas Eve. The oral surgeon wanted to wait until after the holidays, but I didn’t have enough pain killers for two weeks of intractable pain. He was so pissed off that I’m pretty sure he injected me with chicken boullion instead of novocaine just to inflict as much pain as possible in retribution. He then grabbed my head and jammed what looked like a Klingon weapon into my mouth and quickly pried the tooth out. I thought I was going to die, but it got worse when he took that “Marathon Man” hooky thingy and then rooted around the newly formed hole for no other reason that I saw other that to satisfy his grotesque desires. Even with my mouth wratcheted open with another sadistic aluminum apparatus, I was screaming “F*CK!!” (or “HHHUUUUCKKK!”…) so vehemently with blood coming out of my mouth like I was in a “Saw” movie, the nurse got all upset had to leave the room. The doc then jammed a handful of gauze into my mouth and ran from the room screaming “good luck!” with his suitcase and plane tickets. Fifteen minutes after arriving, I drove home with a mouth full of bloody gauze dripping on my shirt and my soul forever tainted. From now on, I’m getting the gas! That’s a tip, write it down…

[Reply]
Gretchen, on March 19th, 2009 at 10:11 am Said:

@Carlos: Yeah, no one should be awake for a tooth pull. I had a botched root canal where they ended up having to extract the fucked up tooth. I got novocaine but it was still unpleasant, what with all the medieval-looking tools and the breakdance moves the oral surgeon did for leverage. I went back a week later and he yanked out a fragment that had surfaced, sans warning or painkiller, and that resulted in a “hhuuuuck!” or two from me. So I can’t even imagine what you went through.

[Reply]
cross lanes curmudgeon, on March 19th, 2009 at 10:52 am Said:

Once had to visit a dentist while on vacation in Oregon, who wore a marijuana leaf medalion, and used a lot of “dudes” and “mans” in his chairside banter. His work was satisfactory, but I kept wondering if he’d take a giggling fit while drilling and filling my molar.

[Reply]
Willie Williams, on March 19th, 2009 at 11:11 am Said:

When my wife was having our first child, after 18 hours of labor with no epidural, her female obstetrician told her to stop being a pussy and start pushing harder. She then proceeded to start pushing on her stomach which caused my wife to say, “Get your hands off my stomach you c$nt before I kill you.”

Needless to say, she changed doctors soon after that.

As for pro stadiums, I don’t have the time to list them. My list is really quite long as I’m a huge fan of every sport and have travelled extensively around the US and rest of the world. Three different ones would be the “Stadium” course at TPC Sawgrass, Louis Armstrong Stadium for the U.S. Open and Centre Court (now Rod laver Arena) for the Australian Open in Melbourne.

[Reply]
Charles in PA, on March 19th, 2009 at 11:26 am Said:

Football:
E A G L E S! ( The Vet, Giants Stadium, Texas Stadium, Heinz Field)
Cowboys ( Texas Stadium )

Baseball:
Phillies ( The Vet, Citizens Bank Park)
Yankees ( Yankee Stadium )
Rangers ( Rangers Stadium )
Orioles ( Camden Yards )
Pirates ( PNC Park )

Hockey
Flyers ( Spectrum, Wachovia Center )
Penguins ( Mellon Arena )
All-Star Game ’92 both days ( Spectrum )

College B-Ball ( I spit on pro, if u want to call it that, b-ball )
St Johns ( Spectrum )
VILLANOVA!! ( Wachovia )

TIP OFF HAS BEGUN PEOPLE!!!

Nobody in the medical profession that I’ve dealt with has cursed like a trucker.

[Reply]
bikerchick, on March 19th, 2009 at 11:39 am Said:

@ Carlos…. Dude, that was one of the funniest stories I have read!! Don’t have to write it down, it will forever be etched in my head!

[Reply]
Jason, on March 19th, 2009 at 11:39 am Said:

Last time I went to the dentist I kept wondering why he was dancing around me while wearing a pair of cocount tits. Then I thought, “Naw, that’s just the gas playing tricks on me.” I hope.

[Reply]
Charles in PA, on March 19th, 2009 at 11:57 am Said:

O and how could I forget The Harlem Globetrotters ( Spectrum)

[Reply]
Poo, on March 19th, 2009 at 12:06 pm Said:

I had to have a physical a few years back. As the doctor was about to grab my boys and ask me to cough, he looked down and said “Hell….your no Bill Clinton now are yah”. F’in mo!!!

[Reply]
Jorge, on March 19th, 2009 at 12:59 pm Said:

Oh, I have also been refused entry to Augusta National. And I was in a clean, newish 4 door sedan and wearing a suit and tie. And I was at the back gate.

The guard was very polite and pointed me to a phone over by the sod farm. He gave me a list of stuff that I could buy for souvineers and told me that if I called the number on the sheet someone from the Pro Shop would bring out my order.

Then he gave me a few ball markers and score cards and we talked about the place for a while. He told me some pretty cool stuff about the club.

[Reply]
Kathleen, on March 20th, 2009 at 7:53 am Said:

MLB
Detroit Tigers – Tiger Stadium
Detroit Tigers – Comerica Park (although I always call it Tiger Stadium)
SF Giants – Candlestick Park
Oakland A’s – Oakland Coliseum
Milwaukee Brewers – Miller Park

NHL
Detroit Red Wings – Joe Louis Arena
Never saw the Wings play at Olympia, but I did the Ice Capades there when I was 6 or so.
LA Kings (playing the Wings) – LA Forum
San Jose Sharks – Shark Tank & Oakland Coliseum
St. Louis Blue (playing the Wings) – Savvis Center
Columbus Blue Jackets – wherever the hell they play

NBA
Detroit Pistons – Cobo Arena/Hall

NFL
Detroit Lions – Silverdome

F1
Circuit Gilles Villeneuve – Montreal

CART/Champ Car
Cleveland Burke Lakefront Airport
Laguna Seca Raceway
Detroit – Downtown and Belle Isle courses
Michigan International Speedway
Chicago Speedway
Road America
Long Beach
Mid-Ohio Sports Car Course
Toronto Exhibition Place
Edmonton Airport Course
Milwaukee Mile
Los Hermanos Rodriguez Autodromo – Mexico City

NHRA
Sears Points – Sonoma, CA

NASCAR
Michigan International Speedway (BORING)
Sears Point – Sonoma, CA (nightmare getting into and out of)

IMSA/ALMS
Mid-Ohio Sports Car Course
Road America
Road Atlanta
Laguna Seca Raceway
Long Beach

[Reply]
Kathleen, on March 20th, 2009 at 8:00 am Said:

Crap, how’d I forget Vegas?

Champ Car/CART
Vegas Raceway/speedway – oval
Vegas Street Race around the old downtown – that kicked ass.

’93 Indy 500

Univ of Michigan hockey – Yost Arena – I swore I would never go back I was appalled by the chants of the students.

Chicago Blackhawks ( playing the Wings) – United Center

[Reply]
LunaChickNYC, on March 20th, 2009 at 2:34 pm Said:

Me and my boyfriend took our dog to the vet right after Hurricane Katrina and the vet casually threw in as we were discussing the dog the rain and the hurricane how he kissed his first transsexual down in New Orleans. I think even my dog was like wtf?

[Reply]
Kevindust, on March 22nd, 2009 at 2:42 am Said:

NHL
Ottawa Sens at Civic Centre
Ottawa Sens at Palladium/Corel Centre/Scotiabank Place

CFL
Ottawa Renegades at Frank Clair Stadium

F-1
Circuit Gilles Villeneuve – Montreal

NHRA
Sanair, Quebec

ISMA
Oswego Speedway (I’ve only missed one Classic Weekend at the big O since Jimmy Shampine raced there. d.1982)

Nascar
1989 Daytona 500 (Tom and Nicole were there filming Days of Thunder – Tommy C did 140mph solo laps before the race while being chased by a chopper w/cameras and they also did crowd scenes…so yeah, I’m in the movie along with 160,000 of my closest friends)
1994 Pocono July
2007 Dover Sept
2008 Louden Sept

Woodstock 1999 (Trust me, it was a “sporting” weekend)

[Reply]