People Who Stink to High Heaven in the Workplace
While taking continuing education classes last month, I met a man who is employed at a hippie commune. Well, those aren’t his words, they’re mine… He never actually used the phrase “hippie commune,” he only described one and I connected the dots.
It’s an institute, he said, populated by militant vegans and earth people. They own a defunct college(!), comprised of several large buildings on many acres of land. And they generate income by publishing a series of magazines on the subjects you’d expect, stuff like ecology, organic foods, and carbon-neutral sandal repair. Who the hell knows?
Anyway, many of the “employees” live at the institute full-time, there’s a vegetarian lunch room there, and the whole nine yards.
However, they also hire regular folks to perform various high-skill functions, and the guy I was talking with fell into that category. He was involved somehow with the technical side of their publishing venture. But he’s no hippie, he’s just an Average Joe.
One day, he told me, his boss called him into her office and told him to have a seat. And she said, “I need to talk to you about your body odor.”
How’s that for an ice-breaker?
The guy blinked ten times real fast, and sputtered, “My body odor? Um, I shower every morning, and use both deodorant and cologne. I don’t think…”
“No, no, no. Not that,” she said. “I mean you stink of meat.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’ve had several complaints, and noticed it myself. You have the smell of baloney wafting off you, or roast beef or something.”
He said they’re fixated on baloney, and seemingly believe all meat-eaters sit around at home gnawing on enormous logs of the stuff. Baloney is the subject of a disproportionate number of conversations at the institute, he assured me.
Caught off-guard (I mean, seriously), he asked what she wanted him to do about it. “It’s not like I’m walking around with my pockets full of pork chops. Are you asking me to stop eating meat?”
“No, I’m not allowed to do that,” she said, “but I wanted you to be aware of the complaints, and ask that you take your co-workers into consideration.”
How’d you like to work under those circumstances? Good god! Your colleagues are complaining because you smell like yankee pot roast. And it got me to thinking about people I’ve encountered in my life, who REALLY DID stink-up the workplace.
And, as a public service, I’ll now give you a brief run-down of each…
In Atlanta there was a sales manager (probably pulling down $150K) who sat in his office all day farting. I don’t know if he had some kind of medical condition, or just didn’t care. But it often smelled like vaporized turds near his workspace.
Two elderly black women worked in the credit department adjacent to this weirdo’s office, and they were always utterly disgusted. I remember them walking up and down the hallway spraying Lysol and hollering in protest: That man is nasty! This caused me to buckle over in laughter every time.
The farter happened to be gay, and one of my co-workers believed the smell was so strong because of “compaction.” Heh.
There was another guy who worked at the same place, who always smelled like deep-fried food. I mean, every article of clothing he owned was saturated with it. People called him Fry Daddy behind his back.
Out in the hall was a place where folks could hang their coats, and his red ski jacket was always by itself. All the other coats were bunched together, but everyone avoided that red (semi-filthy) jacket like it was dripping with disease.
It was every single day with that guy. In fact, I bet he’s sitting around right now, wherever he ended up, smelling like a corn dog stand at a carnival.
I once worked at a bookstore, and management was forced to have a talk with a hippie hemp-sack bicyclist who arrived at work most days smelling like an open-grave. He rode that bike everywhere he went, through the Georgia humidity, and often worked-up a good stink.
They weren’t exactly tactful about the whole thing, or confidential either, and I felt kind of bad for the guy. Something needed to be done, as evidenced by the customers passing out and hitting their heads on the fixtures, but they could’ve gone about it a little quieter.
He seemed like an OK guy (for a hippie hemp-sack bicyclist), and the managers humiliated him.
In Greensboro I worked at a grocery store with a man shaped like a teardrop. Know what I mean? His shoulders were an extension of his neck, just straight down, and his ass was the widest part of his body.
He apparently made no effort at stink-suppression, and the longer he worked, the worse it got. By the end of the shift nobody could come within fifty yards of the dude. We called him The Funk Pump.
But since we worked overnight, and had little contact with customers, management never said a word to him about it. Finally, one of the other guys purchased a Speed Stick, or somesuch, and handed it to him.
“Here, you might want to start using this,” he told the guy, all matter-of-factly.
I’d never have the courage to do something like that, but it worked. The Funk Pump stopped pumping funk after that night.
And finally, I once worked with an enormous morbidly-obese man who walked with a four-legged cane. He always smelled kinda musty, like a house with a dampness problem.
I figured it was because of the place he lived, but one of my co-workers thought it was the smell of “bursting cysts.” WTF? Aren’t cysts under the skin? I think she was talking about zits, but that’s not what she said.
Anyway, her theory was that his “folds” were loaded with these so-called cysts, and would explode during exertion. Every time he reached for his Big Gulp cup, she believed, a few would go-off.
I have a suspicion this woman had no idea what she was talking about, but it was a hard image to wipe from my mind. In fact, I’m seeing it right now — and I’m thinking about filing a lawsuit.
Hey, and wasn’t there a band from the San Francisco area called Bursting Cysts? Or am I mistaken about that?
In any case, it’s now your turn. Use the comments section to tell us about former or current co-workers who stink to high heaven.
And I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
Filed under: Daily
Hi, nude to the site.
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Foist!
I know we had a guy that always wore the same suit (white, sort of), and smelled like a dead mackeral. We had to give hip the boot cause nobody wanted to be near him.
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Doh!!!
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DAM!!!
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I worked with a guy who smelled like beer.
It made me want to eat him up.
As for smelly co-workers?
Not so much…unless you consider the women who douse themselves in perfume.
It made me wonder…maybe they’re flammable?
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Oh, JOY!! An update!! YAY!!
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I would never “actually” set anyone on fire.
I just wanted to clarify that.
Thinking about it is ok.
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I used to work with this guy who put malted vinegar on everything he ate. And he drank from a large water bottle that was spiked with apple cider vinegar. He claimed it was for his health. He smelled like a walking vaginal wash and I went out of my way to avoid him. Besides his smelly pores, he’d laugh with his mouth wide open and huff out vinegar stinch. And he laughed at damned near everything. I’m sure he’s dead by now – at least I hope he is.
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a girl here at work has apparently never heard of soap, water, perfume, or douche cuz she smells like a 2 day old tampon 24-7. and you can always tell when her nasty poon as been in the bathroom cuz the smell makes you do a Cosmo Kramer full body convulsion as soon as you open the door before running out and warning the other ladies that the puss of death has been in the facilities.
she better hope i don’t run into her at a bar one night when i’m shitfaced…
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A co-worker (since retired) had hygiene issues.
He would wear the same shirt & trousers for weeks on end without laundering or dry cleaning.
My colleagues & I could count the “salt rings” beneath the armpit area of his shirts.
Yum!
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Jerry in WV and myself used to work with a woman who would eat those garlic tablets like they were tic-tacs. She was the law firm’s libriarian (imagine that?) and was from Seattle. How she ended up in Charleston, WV is still a mystery to us all. Anyway, her body odor from the garlic pills would scare varnish off a door, it was so bad. One day, we were all called into a lunch meeting by the Administrator and we were all there waiting for, guess who? Somebody asked where she was and the Administrator himself replied “she’s probably over in the park, picking her lunch”. A roar of laughter filled the conference room. Good times !!
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Bill in WV,
Have you told that story before? If not I just had deja vu. And I think I can predict what will happen next. I’ll take off my pants – yep. Deja vu.
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Copy, meet paste.
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Markin’ my spot…I’ll be back.
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Worked with a guy in PHX that had a palpable Wall o’Funk goin’ on. As he approached you, you could feel the stench like a force field, pushing you back. He was a Northwest type…pallid, greasy and hygiene-challenged. We taped a can of deodorant to his locker but he never got the hint.
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I once worked with an overweight woman who smelled the cow manure. I had many animals at the time, one being a cow, so I know the smell. Anyway, one day i just had to ask if she had animals and she said just 2 dogs. I’m guess it was the sweat fermenting in her folds.
There is a guy that works here now that has B.O. that can clear a room. He recently developed a rash. it could be fromt he chemicals he was using or from the fact that he baths once every 6 months or so. We aren’t sure so we covered it under workman’s comp.
My co-worker doesn’t stink per se but she can rank up the bathroom real quick. I believe she has Croan’s disease but refuses to go to the doctor yet continues to eat everything that triggers a flare up and proceeds to streak up the toilets at work and stink up the bathroom so bad that I have to use the one in the nurses station so I don’t lose my lunch.
There is another guy that works here that stinks because of the materials he works with so it’s not his fault but every time he comes up to the front office we have to spray air fresheners and light candles. It’s bad, it’s real bad.
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This post and it’s comments should be labeled:
NSFL
Not safe for lunch……
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I’ve worked in steel mills for 30+years I have known some stinkers I’ll tell ya. Too many to list here without becoming Jorge.
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Damn…
it’s = its
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Our stinkers are mostly of the coffee/cigarette variety, but when that combo is left unchecked, it can give off a stink to rival BO. Especially if their mouth hygiene isn’t good to begin with.
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previous job i worked with the most disgusting guy on the planet – no showers, no shave, nasty bloody unwashed snot rag, clump of ear wax, never washed his clothes -you name it. obnoxious, loud, whiny and stubborn on top of it. absolutely unbearable.
One time he and i were in disagreement over something, and our supervisor called us both in. he said he’d tried sitting down with me to talk about the issue (he hadn’t – but beside the point) – i said “i’ll sit down with you when you take a shower”.
supervisor had no idea what to say about that one.
hehehe i was the office hero for a while.
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“compaction.” Outstanding Mr Kay!
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……
One current co-worker who always smells like she just put in 10 hard hours at the bar. A pungent combo of dirty french fry grease and stale cigarette smoke.
On the other hand, I’m always encountering customers who are masked in a permanent haze of funk. Some comparable to B.O., others comparable to death or rotting flesh.
And in my last job, my boss had chronic halitosis. One day he was barking at me for some small infraction, getting up in my face, and I opened my desk drawer and opened the Tic-Tac box and held it out to him.
He said “No thanks.”, to which I replied
“No. Really. You need one.”
His eyes bugged out, jaw dropped open and he turned and walked away from me. I think he didn’t speak to me or look me in the eye for the next week.
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One of our maintenance men at the apartment complex stinks to high heaven most days. Some days worse than others. And he likes to hang out here in my office, and it lingers. Bastard!
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I worked with a woman who always smelled faintly, and sometimes not so faintly, of cat urine. My coworkers and I wondered if she perhaps kept a litter box in her laundry room or that her cats weren’t litter trained. Sadly though, it ended up that she was a compulsive hoarder. They had to bulldoze her house and rescue the animals. Sad.
And gee whiz Jeff, thanks for sharing the bursting fold cyst visual with the rest uf us! Yick!
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Years ago I used to work with a lady at Walmart that smelled like rotten cooch. We worked in sporting goods and the smell was unbearable. I mentioned it to a manager and was scolded for invading her privacy so I traded spots with him for an hour, 15 minutes into the trade he called me and said he had sent her home to upgrade her hygiene and I needed to come fill in for her, She never came back. I felt bad, but damn half of smelling is taste and I didn’t want to be tasting her skank ass. Yuck.
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I worked with a Korean guy that ate whole cloves of garlic like candy. It oozed out of his whole body. I guess I don’t have to tell you about his breath. Nobody could talk to him or sit in his office. We were all very happy the day he gave his notice.
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I haven’t worked with anyone who smelled egregiously bad, other than a few BO issues. However, I had an Anatomy lab (no cadavers, but we used the same lab as those who disected cats, so there was always a palpable funk of astringents and ammoniated cleaners) and our TA was this Indian woman who wore a full-on sari that was apparently never cleaned, or maybe she didn’t shower, I don’t know, she never SEEMED dirty. But, if she came within 5 feet of you, you’d know it by the powerful miasma that threatened to melt your soul! I studiously avoided asking her any questions, because I didn’t want to be within her neutral zone of unpleasantness.
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Someone was complaining about the smell of poon?? God I love the smell of poon in the morning!!
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Many y ears ago I was totally head over heels with one of the other waitron at a fancy schmancy restaurant. He wasa hippie boy, gorgeous, with long-ass black hair that smelled of Head and Shoulders.
He also didn’t use deodorant, and NEEDED to. It was bad enough that customers complained to management.
With one paycheck came a Stick of Speed, with the instructions to use it or lose the job. Thankfully, he used it, so my starry-eyed LURVE could continue reasonably unabated.
On another note – the guy over the cube wall from me is a compulsive farter. IN A CUBE! Not even a door to shut out the sound and the fury of his assplosions. It’s like he’s in training for the office-chair PowerFarting Olympics.
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Back when I was young and stupid I joined the Army Reserves. One of my fellow recruits was a waste of skin named Bucky (his real name was Darrin, but we liked Bucky better). There was a lot to hate about Bucky: he was genuinely stupid, he kept tabs on everyone and reported every transgression to those in charge, he had a speech impediment that made him sound like a lisping Donald Duck, and he would not shower. I could write a book on Bucky, but one of the best stories is about his summer a CFB Borden. The military is not a place where the powers that be place a lot of emphasis on privacy: you don’t get a private room, you can’t put a lock on your locker, and the showers are communal (in some parts of the U.S. so are the toilets, which is just fucking wrong). Bucky was a shy creature and wouldn’t shower with the other boys. On a weekend exercise this was more of an idiosyncrasy, something that gave us ever more reason to mock him. On an eight week course not showering is an excuse for justifiable homicide. I don’t know what plan Bucky had in mind when he arrived in Borden, but by the end of week one he was RIPE and apparently hadn’t changed his underwear or socks. Needless to say everyone in his barracks hated him. Early in week two they took action: they grabbed him, cut his cloths off, dragged him to the shower and began washing him with mops. Did I mention there were women there too? In the middle of the shower he broke free and ran out of the barracks naked screaming “SEXUAL ASSAULT! SEXUAL ASSAULT!” which sounded more like “NEXALL ASSSLULT” due to the aforementioned speech impediment. He ran straight for the MPs, who had to get the medics to sedate him before anyone could get a straight story out of him. In the end he tried to have everyone involved charged, but the course officers were having none of it, and he was shipped home.
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They own a defunct college(!),
Somehow I’m guessing that it was operational when they bought it. Oh probably not going great guns, but still a little operational.
Throw out those “Establishment” ideas, like professors with educations and course material based on facts/data…
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Bill in WV and I also worked with several other funk filled individuals but we can’t go in to their stories because they could potentially be reading these updates!!!!!! They know who they are!
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I was honoured when a good Bud asked me to be his best man! His Fiancee was high maintanence & the parents were obviously so grateful to be rid of her, no expense was spared! We were sent off to “rent a tux “for morning suits no less! A July Wedding in the garden of her folks place about 110 in the shade! Stood at the altar (with the victim) ring in pocket, waiting for the fashionably late bride, suddenly started to smell something out of a Stephen King Novel! Old stale sweat, bad booze & barf! “can you smell that?” I whispered to the groom who had started to crack up! “smell it ” he laughed “I can see the fumes coming off your suit!” Moral of the story never rent clothes other people were disgusting in!!
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Bunker Cam update – there’s a guy across the street selling “chances in hell”
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I worked with a heavy set (obese) guy who was always trying different fad diets. Once, he did the “Egg Diet”. He ate nothing but dozens of eggs a day. He’d disappear into the restroom at work and about 45 minutes later, the entire area was saturated in the funk stink air that emanated from that restroom. He also smelled like dirty ass. I suspect he just couldn’t wipe thoroughly.
At this same office, we had a supervisor who had the stinkingest breath ever! She also had a problem of “spitting” on you when she spoke to her. So, we started calling her “Spit Monster”. We kept alcohol wipes handy, because God forbid if Spit Monster ever used your phone. You could smell the mouthpiece from a mile away!
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A guy that I currently work with doesnt have the body odor problem but his breath could make a locomotive do a U-Turn. I swear i think the mean eats shit filled diapers for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He INSISTS
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I used to live in an apartment upstairs and across a narrow street from a place that did nothing but fry Buffalo wings day and night year round. Their grease dumpster was like a giant open Potpourri Bomb all summer long. But we didn’t have air conditioning so I always kept my windows open. I suspect my co-workers were calling me Fry Daddy behind my back. (But it was worth it. Those wings were delicious!)
On the other end of the spectrum, I currently live in an area riddled with people who have “chemical sensitivities”. Just being in the same building with a bottle of Brut 33 would give such folks a nosebleed. Personally, I think if they just drank more hormone-riddled milk and ate more antibiotic-soaked veal as children, their immune systems would’ve toughened right up.
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went on a business trip and offered to ride an Indian co-worker to the airport. Let’s just say his name was ‘pungent oder nagagonnashower’.
I left my pick-up truck at the airport to air out in the parking garage. No lie. 3 days later it was still very ‘pungent’
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Sorry, slip of the fingers. As I was saying he INSISTS on getting right up in your face to talk to you because he’s hard of hearing he thinks everyone else is too. The first day he worked there “someone” ran out at lunch and bought a MEGA size pack of Altoids. When he came back from luch they were sitting on his desk, right next to EVERYTHING (his tape measure, pencil, etc.) Want to guess what he didnt grab? The next day yours truly went up to talk to him and as he moved in for “the kill” (as we call it), I took a step back, every time I did this hed take a step forward. by the time the conversation was over we were more than twenty feet from where we started. He still hasnt gotten the picture as to why no one sits with him at lunch or comes near his desk because he still enjoys those diapers I guess.
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I worked at a deli with a woman that had several cats that apparently would urinate on everything in her home. She reeked of cat urine and BO. She had a physical handicap so management wouldn’t say anything to her for a long time but finally the customers started complaining about her so they “talked” to her about it. But I think her whole house reeked of it. She never did smell better.
Another lady that worked there as well had the worst breath. She lives next to the county landfill and her breath smells as if she dines there everynight. I was always offering her gum, candy, and mints but she never took the hint.
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What’s wrong with gnawing on enormous logs of baloney?
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I used to work with an older man, close to retirement age. I guess as you get older, showers just don’t seem as important and he smelled like chili powder straight up. He had a job working outside in 100+ weather, but it didn’t matter. First thing in the morning, he smelled the same way.
My husband drinks way too much beer and, on a day when he’s had too much, I can smell it oozing out of his pores the next day. Especially if he’s working up a sweat.
Oh…and I’ve been told that Indians smell funky because of all of the curry powder and pungent spices they cook with…don’t know if that’s true or not.
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I worked with a morbidly obese woman (400+) who gave off a sickeningly sweet, fetid, rank smell that I’ve encountered with other obese people, men and women. I thought it was common knowledge that their pores or glands, or whatever was the culprit, and they can’t help it. I would be curious to know the truth and if anybody else knows what I’m talking about?
Had an Indian student volunteer that never showered and would try and cover it up with some shit-perfume from their country. The stink would fill up the elevators for hours after he left. Finally had a talk with him (damn the sensitivity training) but nothing changed.
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Skull is dead. Film at 11:00.
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I just remembered Gary. I had an apartment with a man (Gary) that was well over 600 lbs. He sat and watched TV all day except when he left to eat. He ate out for every single meal.
Once I walked past his apartment and his door was opened. The stench coming from that place was unbelievable! It was the smell of never, ever taking a bath mixed with rotting garbage mixed with something else entirely. I have never smelled anything so rank in my life.
I know the waitress that waited on him. She said that once his shirt wasn’t quite covering his great stomach that was hanging between his knees and he had white stuff in each of the many folds. Ugh.
Enough to make you sick.
He was eating at the restaurant my husband worked at and when he got up to leave, the back of his leg split wide open. He spewed blood and inner leg guts everywhere. They had to shut the restaurant down for a few days to have the carpet cleaned. Apparently he had some sort of surgery to the back of his leg and everything just blew wide open from the stress of his weight.
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gigi Reply:
October 24th, 2011 at 3:05 pm
This is the most hillarious one I have read yet…lmao!!!!!!
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Oh we didn’t share the apartment just the building. Just wanted to clarify.
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The current smell invader is a smoker that just reeks. I can tolerate smokers smell, the clean ones you don’t smell for more than a couple minutes anyway, but this guy just has to walk into the room and the smell will alert you to his entrance and linger long after he has left.
Previously worked with a guy that had horrid breath. He had a medical excuse, as he was always brushing his teeth if he ate anything, and was always popping breath mints. So he tried to keep it tamed down, but damn, if you spoke face to face with him. gag.
As for farts… I would be that guy.. Entirly food dependant, peanuts especially. I love peanuts, however, they let everybody know. Of course, the merry band of prankster technicians I worked with thought it would be wise to provide me with said foodstuff before a meeting in hopes of it getting cut short… Heh… the bastards forgot to account for one little detail… I sit amongst them… Hehehe….
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Years ago, my mom had an office assistant from Eastern Europe with bad, superbad BO. One day mom pulled her aside, gave her a stick of man-sized B-O-derant, and very gently suggested she begin to use it. The tears started flowing and the face got redder and redder – it was one of the most tactful things I have ever seen my mom do and it looked like it would fail miserably. Instead, the assistant dried her tears, went home, and started using the stick. Problem solved.
Speaking of Eastern Europe, I was in Prague in the summer of 1994, when decadent capitalist ideas like B-O-derant were brand spanking new. I’ll tell ya, riding the subway in that town required a two-canister gas mask. No A/C in the cars, and long waits between stops. the stench permeated the trains, stations, and even the outside air near the station doors. We never worried about getting lost – we could always smell the closest subway station.
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I worked with an Indian guy for a while and he always smelled like curry. It didn’t bother me too much because I like curry. It did always make me hungry way before lunch time.
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Amos said “My husband drinks way too much beer and, on a day when he’s had too much, I can smell it oozing out of his pores the next day. Especially if he’s working up a sweat.”
Honey, is that you?
None of my co-workers here at Bennigan’s stink too bad, but back when I was a nurse’s assistant, we saw some stank ass mother fuckers. One crazy old lady had stuffed a potato into her vagina because she was afraid her uterus was falling out. Needless to saw, after a few months that didn’t smell good and things were growing.
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I love this topic. My co-workers aren’t too bad, but I can sometimes smell garlic on a couple of them. Don’t eat so much garlic, people. You will reek the next day.
I had an obese passenger in my car recently, and I swear I could smell the funk for 3 days. It was a rancid ass smell. I was starting to think it was me, because it just lingered forever.
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bn – Things were growing out of the potato or just things were growing? I don’t think I’ll be able to get the image flash of potato vine curling out of some old lady’s nethers for a long time.
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It occurs to me that my most recent encounter with bad BO was shopping at the Circuit City closeout. Don’t go in there, people.
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I hate to be harbinger of gloom but there are folks out there with a medical condition that causes their body to emanate odors even after thorough cleansing and abundant application of deodorant. Trimethylaminuria: A very rare metabolic disorder where the body is unable to break down trimethyamine which builds up and produces a fishy smell in the urine, sweat and breath. More detailed information about the symptoms, causes, and treatments of Trimethylaminuria is available below. Diabetes gone unchecked can cause a sweet pungent odor or one that makes someone smell like they have been on a week long bender. But most others just comes from damn not cleaning their funky smelling asses which is just as bad as those who try to hide their funk with some cheap smelling BS perfume. Being ex-military, I have had to go for long extents without a proper shower but we still have ways to keep the funk at bay. My mess kit was always furnished with soap and a neutral deodorant. Don’t take much water to scrub the offending parts, brush the teeth or shave.
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Great! Now I’m gonna be thinking about bursting cysts until the next Jeffy Kay equivalent of ‘Hive Tit’ crosses my fragile visage. Fuck!
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@Linda – or did someone tunafish your dash while you were not looking?
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11 years ago I was a buyer for a big name discount store. The department was small, only 2 buyers and one manager.
I remember rueing that day every month when we would have our budget meetings with our manager, and here I will call her Tara because that is her name (pronounced Taahra or phoenetically spelled: asshole).
I would watch my counterpart, Liz, come out of Tara’s office and take a deep breath and look at me with tears coming down her face from both the stinging burn and laughter. She would then come into my cubicle and verbally warn me to go with the expression. “I hope you already ate” she would say.
I always tried to have my meeting standing by the door but inevitably she would want me to look at some excel crap on her monitor. Damn!
You see, Tara smelled like she hadn’t washed after sex…2 weeks ago. To be frank Tara smelled like a nasty used vagina. Maybe even a crack whore vagina. Beause regular whores care more, I think.
Tara also always had a huge knot in the back of her hair as if she also had sex just that morning but had no time to brush.
She also itched her snatch all the time…in front of clients…and let me tell you, the scratching clearly activates the aroma making it so much more pungent.
I did learn something very important from Tara…and no, not that a raglan sleeve is better than a tailored one…I learned to keep my goodies fresh and clean at all times. My vagina always smells like a fresh, delicious ,cotton candy amusement park of wonder and glee.
(no names have been changed in this story in case any of you know Tara, because you might want to tell her)
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gigi Reply:
October 24th, 2011 at 3:12 pm
fucking funny as hell!I am a woman and you KNOW when the p.h. is off down there..itching? holy shit! time for the dr.
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Dammit, every time you cut and paste a medical fact, they always have something else to read below.
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you left it all on the stage today Kay. As evidenced by-
In fact, I bet he’s sitting around right now, wherever he ended up, smelling like a corn dog stand at a carnival.
I worked at a grocery store with a man shaped like a teardrop.
I once worked with an enormous morbidly-obese man who walked with a four-legged cane. He always smelled kinda musty, like a house with a dampness problem.
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@Northerner on Holiday – dammit, your gonna get Jason all hot a nd bothered now.
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I just pictured Northerner On Holiday mouth breathing as he typed that post. I know I sure was.
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eh me too!!! Hummm, cotton candy!!!
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Worked with a woman who we called “chemi,” short for chemical bath. Her odor was a strong mix of Aqua Net hairspray and really cheap perfume. My office was in the back of the building (30-40ft from the front door), and as soon as her open-toed clogs hit the threshold, BAM! Eyes watered and nostrils burned. I’m not sure if the smell issue was resolved–I quit not long after she started working in my office.
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amusement park!!!!
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Shane – you mean “as SHE typed”, unless he’s a man with a vagina. (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
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I am a she. From birth. I have only one vagina, it is original and has low wisely driven miles. AND…it is sparkly.
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Let me put it this way:
I’ll never forget the conversation an old boss of mine had with one of our delivery crew about proper ass-wiping techiniques. I wish I was kidding, too. He literally sat the grown man down and talked to him about how to properly wipe his own ass, because the man wasn’t doing a good enough job. It was an equally difficult and beautiful moment to behold.
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I worked in the office of a pharmacy with a women who reeked of unwashed vajayjay. She eventually took a job somewhere else and the next day when we came into work, the office still had the same odor wafting around. We eventually traced it to her office chair, the smell had permeated the cloth, padded seat. The Director of Operations asked me if I would kindly take the chair outside ASAP and throw it in the dumpster. I was more than happy to oblige.
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We had an “odor” in the office a couple of years ago that we just couldn’t trace. I would walk around trying to pinpoint the origin. Then one day I dropped my pen next to my secretary’s chair and found the seasoned culprit. Her seat had over time been marinated w/ farts. Lets just say she had a new chair the next day with a mesh bottom.
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I’ve got a nice ride I’d like to submit to the fresh clean cotton candy amusement park. Guaranteed to produce a couple of screams.
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Ah who am I kidding. Everyone knows I can’t achieve erection without a N&N update.
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GAW- take your dog to emergency one day and there’s almost 70 comments and most of them made me pee a little in my pants!
Thanks, guys! I needed the laugh today.
Happy Wednesday, Surfers!
Oh, and I used to work for a Korean company and the ALL smelled of garlic. It was disgusting. I don’t know what they put in the microwave in the lunchroom, but we went in one day and my friend said, quite loudly, “jeez, what died in here?”. Again with the pants peeing.
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If I could pick one woman to accompany me to a small island for the rest of my life it would be a woman with a sparkly cotton candy scented vagina, one with low wisely driven miles……..anyway, I’ll be over in the back for a while with the door locked if anybody needs me.
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I work for a surgeon who specializes in the treatment in foot and ankle…..
” Toenails that look like Scoop Size Fritos” need I say more?
Haha my mother works for a large trucking company where they like to have all those nice truckers walk through the building to drop off paper work after a long haul, needless to say there is a designated Lysol Sprayee on each shift.
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defunct collage
n&n have anything to do with this?
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Worked with a guy who routinely smelled like the mash tank at a distillery. The booze was oozing out of his pores. He was in his early 50′s but looked like he was 70+
He was laid off in November and is apparently in rehab now
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I work with a guy who I like to call “Hamper Boy”. Not only is his hygiene a bit below par but I swear he almost never washes his clothes. I have a theory that he has a hamper with an opening toward the bottom. He just throws his dirty clothes in the top and pulls “new” clothes from the bottom to wear. Kind of like recycling I guess. Let me tell you in July and August it gets pretty nasty.
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Knucklehead I hope your dog’s O.K.! my springer spaniel is lying over my feet exhuding smells guaranteed to incorporate him into todays discussion!
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The one that really stands out in my mind is Jamal. Don’t know if it was because he didn’t bathe or if he had some sort of medical problem but that guy smelled of corpse and ass. It truly was bad enough to make your eyes water. It followed him like a cloud. He’d stroll in (oh and his “stroll” was something to behold-like someone had jammed a corncob up his ass and was pulling him around by the shoulders) and you would smell something a bit off and then all of a sudden the funk would catch up with him and assault your sense of smell leaving it sobbing and balled up in a fetal position. It would actually permeate your clothing if you were around him too much.
No one would say anything to him about it. Everyone had an excuse as to why they couldn’t . The person who had the responsibility for such things wouldn’t because she was intimidated by his stories of gang affiliations. One day he caught me when I had been pushed beyond the point of feigning politeness. I exploded and explained in vivid detail the shortcomings of his personal hygiene sparing no profanity or cruelty in doing so. He responded with a muttered “fuck you” and never returned to work. We had to mail his final check to him. We burned his chair after the funk failed to vacate it.
I probably am on the enemies list of the T-Birds, Outsiders, Jets or Sharks or whothehellever but I could no longer tolerate that damned funk.
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I have a cousin that was in nam who wont wear deoderant cause charlie can smell it. we live in texas, jeez
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I deal with a variety of customers every day, but there are two that make me cringe every time they come in. The first is a pair of 60+ year old twin brothers who drive truck for a living, and insist on hugging every female I work with. These guys apparently have no hygiene sense, nor do they believe in shaving and are easily 400+ pounds apiece. When they come in to pay their bills, they actually take a rest break on the bench in the middle of our store before walking the next ten feet to the desk. The other is a group of indians who own and operate a 7/11 and always seem to reek of poor quality gas station food–not curry. Could not figure it out, until one day, one came in and pulled a sausage out of his pocket and munched on it whilst browsing our phone selection. I’m going to shut up now, as I’ve risked trespassing into Jorge territory.
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Long time ago, I worked in an office where the receptionist stank to high heaven. No one would ever say anything to her, but one day a coworker came in early and stuck about 5 stick-ups under her desk before she got there. It covered up the smell pretty good when she was at her desk, but as soon as she’d get up and walk away, her stench would make your eyes water. It was the deadly combo of rotten cooter and stinky pits.
On the other end of the spectrum, there was this lady at church that must have used every Sparkling Peach Bath & Body Works product they made….all at once. It was WAY too much.
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Actually Jeff, ‘Bursting Cysts’ were out of LA. ‘because of Compaction’ was out of San Francisco.
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Used to work for a Gynecologist. Let me tell you…there are some sour pusses out there…more than you can imagine AND chicks you would never think!!. Christ…. Women: Let me give you some choochy advice….1. What goes up must come down. 2. If you put it in, no matter what it is, TAKE IT THE FUCK OUT!! 3. There is an old American tradition…it’s called SOAP & WATER and it never killed anybody! Holy fuck-sticks!!!
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I saw a roll of bubble wrap yesterday and wondered if that’s what the bursting cysts would be like. You know, when you twist a bunch of that stuff…. pop, pop, pop.
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Worked with a radar technician here …John C….who smelled like he ate a shit sandwich every day…his breath would gag a maggot.
Another guy, Bill D..worked for the FAA in LA….breath smelled like dead donkey ass. A friend and I were stuck in a car with him once while working and mu friend held a Sharpie pen under his nose all day to mask the odor. His breath was rancid. He was from Vietnam…maybe it was something he ate…..like 100 yr old “kim-chee” or something.
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With a name like mine I probably shouldn’t talk.
A guy I get to work with now and then has THE worst body odor…. the more he moves the stronger it gets.
I have nicknamed him “Fumunda” cuz that smell is coming fumunda somewhere… just don’t wanna know where…..
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Howd you get that handle stinkymarie?
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I have never read so many rotten snatch stories in my life. What gives? Are there that many hygiene challenged women out there?
Scary!
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Been checking in every couple hours to see, but that dude still hasn’t sold any snowballs yet.
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Had it my whole life. My Dad gave it to me when I was just a baby. I don’t think my family even remembers my real name.
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remember kids, today is ” Fake a seizure ” Thursday!
and maybe, just maybe, we’ll get to hear some things about the “visitors”…
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Pagan, the Beast is much better and will be home stinking up the place later this afternoon, thanks!
That dog’s gas can make your eyes water. Worse than my sister’s boxer, and I didn’t think that was possible.
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Definition of Doucheketeer = Poppajugs
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JK…..I happen to know on personal basis that you stink of any product made by “Marie Callenders”.
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If I ever smell fresh cotton candy for no reason… I’ll have to sniff out the presence of the Northerner.. =-)
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Bursting fold cysts? Do they pop like bubble wrap or what?
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In NOLA, we had a BRINKS delivery guy who we called Chicken Fat. The greasiest and stinkiest son of a bitch among a slew of greasy and stinky son of a bitches…
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@TRACY
Jebus H. Cripes, tracy, that post almost made me lose my frickin’ lunch! His leg split open and spilled “leg guts” from his weight?
I have never had a humor blog give me nightmares before. Man.
And
@DRUG DELIVERY GUY
If you read the other (equally disgusting) part of tracy’s post. I think it explains the odor from obese people — bacteria / fungus in the sweaty folds of skin. If you’ver ever smelled the ripeness of a light fungus like athlete’s foot, you see how easy someone who can’t reach all their crannies can get a colony going and creating some vapors.
THANKS FOR THE POST THEWVSR!
I may never stop vomiting.
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I hope the slight delay in today’s update is because jeff is about to drop an N&N update on us.
I’ve had just about enough curdled vagina sweat stories for one day, I’m ready for some N&N.
Hell, I think N&N+ the whole brood should move in with you jeff, just for our amusement. I would pay $20/month for that, and I wouldn’t even expect a Tshirt.
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Oh shit kids! The N&N update is already here!
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I worked with a guy at a computer lab in college who was one of those “I am a rich kid but I live a drunken hobo lifestyle and I’m proud of it” people. Ugh, fucking college students. He never, EVER brushed his teeth and couldn’t have bathed more than a couple times a month. Literally, you could see the old food-shit crusted over on his nasty teeth. His teeth and odor would make me feel sick.
He had this ridiculous pimp-walk (he was a 5’6″ skinny white kid) and he’d always talk about getting laid (even though we’d all roll our eyes at him constantly). He must have gotten the poon in some form because he always reeked of stale pussy and malt liquor.
Needless to say he had the interpersonal skills of a drunken chimp and ended up getting fired. From a student-employed Computer Lab. At a public University. That’s a new level of incompetence, congrats dude.
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There’s one lady where I work who smells like dirty (peed) diapers. It’s kind of a joke with me and the guy next to me.
“Where’s Sidney?”
“Depends”
hahaha. gotta love working in an office.
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Just stopping by. Plus I had to clean cookies and reset passwords again
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I worked with a Vietnamese lady named Chi pronounced Chuh-eye. She would never get her shirts dry after washing them so they had that moldy smell to them. Add the Vicks Vapor-rub and the slight smell of pee. NAASSTTY!
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My friend worked with a woman she nicknamed “Captain Highliner.” Everyday she would wear the same pair of pantyhose under her pants. By the end of the week, her office stank like Fisherman’s Wharf. Can anyone say chowder?
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I’m a big fan of vaginas but I’m afraid that reading these comments has given me some sort of complex. I need a hot water bottle.
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Wow. I live in the area for which this blawg is named, and I somehow never stumbled over it in all my web years.
I approve.
The above stank-ass stories match many of my own, which you may safely imagine to yourselves…
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I worked the front desk at a hotel on the overnight shift. I shared that workspace with the night auditor. Joe was a rotund older gentleman who wore his pants at just below nipple level. He had a chronic gas problem and all night long he played free-form jazz on his ass trumpet. Horrific sounding and smelling.
Luckily there were few customers checking in overnight but when they did the stench was obvious. I would always scrunch up my nose, a la Samantha Stevens, and roll my eyes back towards Joe’s work space. I didn’t want anyone thinking I was responsible for that funk.
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I have a co-worker who is of the minset of “more is better” with his Axe body spray. This guy smells like he’s smuggling dead French manwhores under his jacket.
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Recipe:
1 can of condensed Campbell’s chicken and noodle soup
1 kg of organ meat
500 ml of stale after-binge-drinking urine
juice from an old wet towel
puree ingredients into paste-like form, reduce in sun for several days, spread liberally over body.
I’m not sure of the name of this dish, but it was the specialty of a teaching assistant at my former university.
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Sounds like it is OK to complain of every smell but that of meat.
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The reason they ask how long it has been from you last haircut is so they can visualize how short it should be. This comes from my wife who teaches at a hoity toity hair school.
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I work with a dude who smells like a combination of bad breath, smelly heads, and stink-foot. It’s horrible. I don’t have to work closely with him but for those who do, I don’t get how they can handle it. Where does that stink come from? And doesn’t his wife smell it? Gastly.
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I’m not a fan of women’s perfume. I think most are over powering, too flowery, and just plain nasty.
There was an older Italian woman who worked with me. She didn’t have to work. I think she did simply for the social aspect because she certainly wasn’t that great at her job.
Anyway, she sat along the path to my desk. She wore so much perfume I would have to hold my breath at least three cubes away from her and hold it until three cubes after. And it was a horrible, flowery, nasty perfume.
I always told my boss if she better not ever move me near her.
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I know that this is an old post, but I just stumbled across it and feel as if I had to reply.
About 10 years ago, when I was just starting my career in IT, I worked as a data centre systems administrator. I worked the weekend day/evening shift – Friday through Sunday, 12PM-12AM. Another fellow, who was hired at the same time, worked the opposite shift: he would come in Thursday night/Friday morning @ midnight, and finish his shift at 12PM, when I would arrive for the start of my “day.” Let’s call him Joe.
I should note here that we worked in an area that we called “The Cave” – a narrow, windowless room adjacent to the data centre. There were five “cubicles” (I put that in quotes, because they were really open desks with dividers, but no walls, in between then) and a door on each end. One door led upstairs to the area where the remainder of the IT department sat, and the other led out into a hallway from which the server room could be accessed.
When I arrived each Friday, the daytime guys would always have both doors open and a fan going full blast. Even if Joe had left some time before I arrived (he would often skip his break and leave @ 11AM), The Cave would inevitably reek of a combination of rancid curry (Joe was Pakistani and always brought leftovers to work with him) and week-old BO. It smelled as if Joe had run a marathon whilst hosting a curry potluck in the room.
Well, it wasn’t long before our manager had a little talk with Joe about personal hygiene. This manager was a pretty tactful guy, but I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during that conversation. Nonetheless, the problem went away after that. Joe and I continued to work together for several years, moving up the ladder at about the same pace, and he inevitably smelt of deodorant and reasonably high-end aftershave. He continued to bring home cooking with him to work, but chose thereafter to eat it in the cafeteria, rather than at his desk.
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@SeeKar … AXE is the bane of my existence. I blame the “you’ll get laid if you drench yourself in this eurotrash stench” ad campaign.
I smelled every one of them at the drugstore. They’re all vile.
Take it from a girl … a washed body, clean clothes and a nice, nondescript deodorant are all you need. Clean man-smell is the best!
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Ok, I will confess that I found this website, because I was looking for comments on people who had been acccused of smelling funky, the reason; I have been accused,and I know I’m a clean person, I take a good shower everyday, 2 times if necessary. I’m completelly sure that whatever they are smelling,( because I do smell it too) comes from somewhere else or someone else in the office, but somehow it gets blamed on me…. Why? I haven’t say anything because I don’t want to make anybody feel bad, but it does stinks in that office, I’m sorry, but I’m not getting that shit blamed on me… The next time I smell it I will say something…
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I sit RIGHT NEXT to an older lady on seizure medication. There are four of us to a cubical, each facing a corner, and a couple of times I guess the medication made her crap herself. Worst smell ever. She ran to the bathroom and changed her depends but the smell didn’t go away for hours. Another girl and I couldn’t help laughing about it since we’re juvenile bitches, and I had to go borrow a bottle of Fabreeze and spray it all over. It only helped a little.
Another lady I work with is rather large and doesn’t wash very often. Her and her friend both have bad BO sometimes. Yesterday she came by my desk a couple of times and the waft of unwashed girlbits hit me like a brick wall, almost triggering my gag reflex. I told my friend that if, for some strange reason, I should ever smell that bad, to PLEASE tell me. What can you do, though? I would love to leave some Summers Eve vagina wash on her desk but that might be.. rude.
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Why would you wanna touch her! Beat someone up when you’re shitfaced after describing her like that when you’er sober!? Makes no sense to me. I’d steer clear regardless.
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I work with a young Indian woman who is quite attractive but had a mild scent to her. Well, a few weeks ago she was helping me on a project, and I invited her out for a couple of drinks after work. We went back to my house, and I was thrilled to get this doe eyed, long black haired 20 something babe in my bed. However hot she is, as she took her clothes off her musk became stronger & denser. Without getting into too much detail she was a lot of fun. At one point I decided to go down there, and it was like the factory for some god awful smells. She made junior happy, but I swear her stink is still on me. Kind of sexy in a way, but funky.
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I was with this guy one time and when it started to get intimate , he had his clothes off , I did not and I could smell his ass like 10 day old shit! I swear he forgot to wipe his ass. OMG! I just could NOT get my clothes off, THANK GOD my cell phone rang and I pretended I had an emergency ..lol.. NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!
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