Paperbacks, Dunce Caps, and What We Do for Lunch
I don’t want to jinx myself, but I’m fairly confident the paperback version of Crossroads Road will be available soon. Possibly Friday. After it’s finalized I’ll tell you guys what’s been going on with it, and why my right hand has been whipping through my hair for a week.
But I’m superstitious and don’t think it’s a good idea to declare victory too early. So, I’ll hold off until it’s a done deal. All I can say at this point is “Grrr…”
Once again, here’s where you can purchase the electronic versions for a low, low price:
Kindle Store at amazon.com
NOOKBooks at BN.com
Kindle Store at amazon.co.uk
If you’ve already bought a copy, please tell someone about it. Just one person, who might be interested in such a thing. I’d be much obliged.
I have to go to work early again today. I think it’s going to become an every-Wednesday kind of thing, which will cramp me on these updates. But I’ll do the best I can with the time I have available. It’ll be OK. Plus, today is my Friday. Hell yeah! After today I’m off until Sunday.
How did I do all those sixty hour weeks anyway? It seems impossible to me now. I guess your brain just adjusts to the current reality, and helps you endure. Right now I think I’d be plunged into a dark, dark depression if I had to return for an additional twenty hours. I’d probably start wearing black turtlenecks, smoking clove cigarettes, and sighing a lot.
While I was driving home from work last night, something occurred to me. I wish they’d bring back the dunce cap. I like the idea of making really stupid people wear a tall cone on their heads, for humiliation purposes. Why did that ever go out of style?
I think somebody needs to fire up a dunce cap factory somewhere, and we should get back to our roots of comically oversized shaming hats. It would provide good, solid American jobs, and put dumbasses on a tall stool in the corner where they belong.
Who’s with me?
What do you do for lunch at your job? We have a cafeteria, but I usually take my lunch, because it’s less expensive. But it’s been different with every job I’ve had. I adapt my lunch habits, based on the situation.
At my previous job I went out every day. I had to get out of the building for an hour, and would go to Wendy’s or the Chinese buffet. I never took my lunch, not once. It never even occurred to me.
In California I was often poor, so I’d go to Del Taco and buy a sack of 39 cent tacos, return to my desk and eat them there. Or I’d buy an order of vegetable fried rice from Frontier Wok. It was basically a side dish, so it was really cheap and good. I always bought drinks from the vending machine downstairs, and was pretty good at stretching three or four dollars into a pretty decent lunch.
Sometimes, when I was flush with cash for some reason, I’d walk across the street to the Warner Bros. Studio lot, and have lunch in the commissary. That was fun. We’d sometimes see actors from TV shows — the folks from Friends, or George Clooney, or Drew Carey. I liked going over there, but it wasn’t cheap. So, I did the desktop taco-snorkel far more often than I hung out with Ross and Chandler.
In Atlanta I went out every day, as well. There was a strip of fast food joints a few miles away, including Chick fil-A. That worked perfectly. Every once in a while one of the record label guys would treat us to something a little more fancy-pants, and that was always a good time. And free.
So, that’s my highly questionable Question of the Day: What do you do for lunch at work? I’ve done it all at this point, I think. I haven’t used work cafeterias too consistently, but I’ve certainly purchased many chef salads there. For some reason, I’m drawn toward the work cafeteria chef salad.
Until my current job, I’d never packed a lunch at home. But it’s not so bad. It’s not so good, either… But it does the trick.
What about you? Tell us about in the comments, won’t you? What are your work lunch habits? It’s very important that we know.
And I’ll try to spend more than thirty minutes on tomorrow’s update, I promise.
See ya then!
Filed under: Daily
Yummy!
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Is it wrong that I like yodeling? I blame my German heritage.
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Root 66 Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 4:22 pm
Whenever I hear yodeling I can’t help but think of the “Cliff Hangers” game from “The Price Is Right.” Great stuff!
People may openly mock yodeling, but technically it is very difficult to execute well. I secretly like it myself.
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Gretchen Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 5:06 pm
At the very least the further evidence yodel song should have been this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHJPwO02HuI
So goofy but I love it.
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Debra Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 7:04 pm
That made me smile! It’s such a silly happy sound…
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Valentin Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 6:53 pm
I don’t mind hearing a little yodeling myself but…Did you notice how almost everyone in the video was an old fucker?
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I eat shit sammiches on a tore up couch made of human baby hides while watching reruns of Father Knows Best.
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Joe T. Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 2:34 pm
I used to do what The Qweezy Mark did too. But for the past 4 years, I now bring my lunch from home. Less guilt.
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Nurse Ratched Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 6:47 pm
I gave you pass on that
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There’s a chicken place just up the road that has a daily special, Wednesday is the 3-piece crispy, mashed taters, green beans and a biscuit. $3.99. My keyboard is glistening.
I either pack or go out, depends on mood and schedule. I’d say it’s about 40% pack and 60% go out.
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I bring my own lunch and sit at my desk. I have my own microwave too so I don’t have to wait to heat something up. We don’t have a cafeteria but we do have a lunch room with vending machines. I don’t know how people eat the junk out of them for lunch.
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Valentin Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 6:55 pm
those you richard.
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Just outside my current office building is “Food Truck Alley”. Everyday it’s a different selection of gourmet food trucks to choose from – like an ever-changing food court.
It’s pretty awesome.
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madz1962 Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 2:21 pm
Lucky!
The closest we have is some dilapidated “Roach Coach” selling hot dogs that have been swimming in stank water for the better part of 4 hours.
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I make a big pot of something at home every Sunday and eat it every day for lunch at work. Very cheap and I’m a helluva cook so it’s also good eats.
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Leading lunch choices: Al pastor burrito from the taco truck, bahn mi sammlich from the Viet grocer, subway, or patty melt and fries. That’s when I don’t have some sort of lunch worth bringing in to work from home.
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Jeff,
Whether the paperback version is ready this week, next week, or next month….we’ll live.
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Jeff Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 1:29 pm
Yeah, but I might not. I almost had a stroke on Monday afternoon. On account of all the unnecessary dumbassery.
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Gonad the Bavarian Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 2:49 pm
Speaking of dumbassery, are we any closer to getting this bad boy on our ipad yet?
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Debra Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 7:08 pm
It’s cool Jeff. Good things take time!
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Lean Cuisine four days, Chipotle burrito every Friday. I try to keep it to that, feeling like being “good” M-Th earns me tons of calories & fat on Friday. Sometimes a vendor buys for the office but it’s usually just for those who attend their training, and I don’t want to give up an hour just for a free sandwich.
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Debra Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 7:09 pm
Chipotle is the ultimate splurge lunch!
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I need to order 54 dunce caps for my 55 person office. I would also like an extra any time a cop feels his balls are big enough to pull me over.
I always bring my lunch. If it’s not leftovers from the night before, it usually is, then it’s a couple of sand witches. Lunch is always the conflict of my day. I look forward to it all day, then it’s over in 8 minutes, and I’m sad. Almost like sex, but lunch happens more often. And it tastes better. I don’t take a lunch hour. I Eat t my desk and continue working, to bad the government doesn’t give two shits and won’t let me stock time and leave at 12 on Friday.
I once worked on a farm for hamburgers. There were a dozen high school guys loading and stacking hay for the summer. On the first day the field owner came out with a box of hamburgers for lunch and said, “There’s your days pay.” Everyone left.
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grrltechie Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 2:52 pm
….I think the same thing happened to Napoleon Dynamite. Only it was a chicken farm and the farmer fed them boiled eggs.
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icecycle66 Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 2:54 pm
No, the farmer in Napoleon Dynamite fed them a horrible looking lunch. But at the end of the day he paid them a couple bucks in change.
The burgers were all anyone was getting paid that day.
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grrltechie Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 3:11 pm
Ouch. Much worse, especially for such hard work.
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TR Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 3:15 pm
lmao i just watched napoleon dynamite today on dvd and remembered how funny it was. how about when the farmer cracked an egg on the orange juice LMAO
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Carnation Instant Breakfaaaaassstttt… You’re Gonna Not Really Notice It In An Instant! (Helps if you know the tune…)
Sometimes just vodka.
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I eat granola bars or fruit.
I often see people eating 5 course lunches. I could never stay awake if I ate that much food in the middle of the day.
And I still wonder why some people bring fish to work and use the microwave to cook it.
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emily Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 3:43 pm
People who reheat fish in breakroom should be killed. That is the most offensive thing anyone can do in a public place where other people are trying to eat!
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madz1962 Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 4:32 pm
Agreed. Alos, the taste of nuked chicken always seems “off” to me.
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Henderson Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 4:58 pm
Disagree. The most offensive thing in a public eating place is cheap perfume.
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Nurse Ratched Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 6:58 pm
BURNT POPCORN
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Debra Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 7:24 pm
That can taint the office for days!
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Four days a week I bring my own lunch, and work through it, so I can spend my actual lunch at the gym (we have one in the building) or walking outside.
Wednesdays is church lunch day! There’s a church near work that has a hot lunch every Wed., and it’s freakin’ delicious, so we go there.
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Short-n-sweet Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 9:47 pm
Is it one of those “Feed The Masses” lunches? If so, you might wanna be careful. Those church elders get kinda pissy if they catch you strolling over there from your office.
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kristin Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 2:12 pm
No – it’s actually some community builder thing they do, and it does cost $6. They have homemade soup, bread and salads, and a table of desserts under a huge picture of Jesus.
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CADude Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Do they feed 4000 with one loaf of bread and 2 fish?
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Debra Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 7:25 pm
Now that was funny
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I bring my lunch every day except Friday. Some friends of mine and I used to go out for pizza on Fridays (cheap thrill) but now that we have a Work From Home option, my workplace is a ghost town on Fridays. I show up because of the Department I’m in.
We have a cafeteria but the only thing I get is a toasted cheese sandwich and only if I am beyond desperate. Or I’ll hit the salad bar if it doesn’t look too picked over. Those are the two edible options.
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Son of Sam Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Salad bars make me sick just to look at. I heave at the sight.
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madz1962 Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 12:59 pm
Buffets make me want to hurl, too. I just don’t like the general public anywhere near something I plan to put in my mouth.
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johnthebasket Reply:
April 9th, 2011 at 4:28 am
I stay as far away from the general public as possible.
jtb
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I am fortunate enough to live within 5 minutes of my office, so I drive home quite often for lunch, to pet the kitties and scarf a turkey sammich whilst listening to music or playing Xbox arcade games.
Then there are days when some of us go out to lunch as a group, but those days are few and far between lately.
Going home is where it’s at – as long as you don’t lose track of time.
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I’m another 60-40 lunch splitter with venturing out of the office accounting for 60% of the split. We have a full kitchen and a small staff, so it’s nothing to bring something from home or prepare something here, but most days I just need an excuse to leave my desk and my office behind for 30 to 60 minutes. I’ve done the cost-benefit analysis of staying in and having $2 soup versus going out and spending up to $10 on an actual meal, and unfortunately when you add in the opportunity cost of sanity, the $10 lunch wins more often than not. It’s cheaper than a therapist.
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johnthebasket Reply:
April 9th, 2011 at 4:30 am
Now there’s a lady who knows how to run a CBA.
jtb
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I bring lunch from home most everyday. Usually it consist mainly of fruit and some type of lean protein. Occasionally I meet up with Bill in WV and we pig out at one of the local lunch troughs.
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Bill in WV Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 3:07 pm
During the winter, I normally bring my lunch and scarf it down at my desk. After the weather gets nice, I’d rather go out and get some air and sanity back. BTW, found a new place across from CAMC on Wash St that ain’t too bad. We’ll have to go there soon.
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I only go into the office 3 days a week. It’s usually either a sammich with apple or cheese & crackers and apple. Pretty boring. I only go out to lunch if the boss is buying. Like tomorrow!!
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Lunch at the office always. For a while I was stirring up a big pot o’ healthy and quite delicious soup on Sunday nights which I doled out into individual serving containers and took to work on Monday along with an apple a day or other fruit and a yogurt for a mid-afternoon snack. Lost a few pounds and felt really good.
Of late, it’s been something frozen–whichever delightful frozen entree might be on sale at the Kroger. Today was a Marie Cavandish Herb Roasted Chicken (buy 5-get 1 free!) Last week was odds and ends boxes from the freezer ’cause nothing was on sale. Week before that was the Weight Watcher red box things–nasty little meals but not even close to the nastiness of the green box Healthy Choice things–most gross.
If I did leave and go to town for lunch the choices would be: Church’s Fried Chicken-no. Captain D’s. Uh uh. KFC-no. McDonald’s or BK-no. Sit down Mexican–too expensive. Meat ‘n three buffet-dubious character. Chinese Express–served direct from the buckets almost–not happening.
I need to quit with the G&Ts on Sunday nights and start back with the soup making.
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I’d love to see dunce caps come back, except you know the morons would wear them into the movie theater and block my view… which I guess would just prove the point even further.
I almost always bring something from home (leftovers or a sandwich, sometimes a microwaveable) for lunch at work, and eat at my desk. Once in a great while, if I’m having an awful day and have some “extra” money I’ll order from a local hamburger joint and stuff my face with grease.
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I worked for a few years for a computer consultant in Marietta, OH. The hot dog chick would set up across the street in front of the courthouse. She made good sauce and the dogs were cheap. I think the county ran her off or she moved her cart. Don’t know why though…lots of business from the courthouse crowd.
When I worked for Expedia they would often buy lunch for everyone. Most times it was pizza but it was a freebie. Sometimes they would have a caterer set up in the cafeteria. Often they would declare a themed bring-a-dish day and everyone brought in Mexican or Italian…whatever. Pretty sweet but the gig itself sucked.
When I was a programmer the boss would spring for lunch a couple times a week. Otherwise it’s been pack a lunch or hit the vending machines.
Now I just walk into my kitchen and graze until I’m full.
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I’m not big on bringing lunch from home as I’m not a fan of leftovers. Also, without fail, whatever I bring I never want by the time lunchtime rolls around. But I’ll eat it anyway so I don’t spend money.
The hospital cafeteria sucks big green donkey dicks. It’s supposed to be “heart healthy” but everything is deep fried in the same grease they’ve had since 1985. Or its swimming in butter leavins. So I end up going through the salad bar. There is really nothing else around us but pizza joints. I’m trying my hardest to eat better. I look like a bag lady because I refuse to buy new clothes until I plateau with my weight loss.
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Alex Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 4:13 pm
Ya, whats with hospital food? Swimming in everything you shouldn’t be eating, or eating in extreme moderation. (ie salt) yet the hospital fare is like a salt lick.
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If the Devil-in-sheeps-clothing-boss-bitch isn’t around we stay in the office. Otherwise, if she is here, we leave because she will hound the shit out of us every minute she can. I’d rather sit in my car for an hour just to get some peace instead of her up our asses. Why is it she always waits until our lunch break to become so needy?
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grrltechie Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 3:16 pm
PHB syndrome. My boss waits until 4-4:15 to want to get with me to discuss things. I’m supposed to leave at 4:30. It never fails when she calls a dept. meeting it’s late afternoon (2:30 or later) and usually on a Friday. She has it bad.
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Valentin Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 4:25 pm
Same with my boss. He’ll call me as soon as the first break or lunch bell rings. Now I turn off my ringer and turn off my walkie talkie. Though sometimes he’s really an ass and pages me over the intercom. Come on you fucking dick, i’m trying to enjoy my break.
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I work in IT in a hospital so I’ve been eating hospital cafeteria food for about 14 years now. It’s a wonder I have a stomach lining left.
I go out once in a while, usually when I have an errand to run and back years ago my department plus neighboring departments would go out at least every other week as a group and spend 2 hours or more eating at some sit down place. We are all too busy to do that any more and I kinda miss it. Busy and cheap
I think I’m going to start going out more for sanity reasons. When I eat here I always bring it back to my desk. I try not to answer the phone while I’m eating but people come to my desk and the sight of me eating does not deter them from asking stupid questions. Plus prices keep going up in the cafeteria and rumor has it we are in for another increase and that stuff isn’t worth any more than I already pay for it.
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TR Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 3:17 pm
my sister works in a nursing home and she eats the cafeteria food there, same stuff the patients eat and she says its pretty good.
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Not Oprah Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 8:59 pm
Mashed peas through a straw?
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i work in a shopping mall so there are a few food options but im poor so i usually eat before i go to work and dont eat anything while im there than eat when i get home.
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I mentioned before I do bring my lunch in 4 days a week but then I’m forced to deal with the microwave from hell. About 6 months ago I spent 45 minutes washing that fucker down. That’s the last time it’s seen soap and water. It’s splattered and crusty so it takes me longer to nuke my food since I wrap it in a Sherman Tank before it hits the carousel.
Don’t even get me started on the little refrigerator we have. I haven’t used it for 2 years because even as of this writing, there is still a long black hair stuck in some goop on the bottom. Appetizing, huh? Not to mention the stench. Milk left in there for a month that separates and smells like a snail with a yeast infection. Blech.
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The WVSR Classic is truly a classic. I laughed like an idiot all over again.
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Let’s tak a pole (heh)
Lame or Cool?
I just found out that if Congress doesn’t get it’s shit together, it may be illegal for me to come to work next week.
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WB in OH Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 3:56 pm
This poll (heh!), could get political. Just sayin’…However, I would say cool for you. But congress is, as usual, lame.
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icecycle66 Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 4:07 pm
No politics necessary.
Simply “Lame” or “Cool”
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 4:13 pm
If you get paid for being off then Cool…otherwise Lame.
I guess I’m not good at polls.
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Gretchen Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 7:01 pm
Here, go balance the budget:
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2010/11/13/weekinreview/deficits-graphic.html
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Valentin Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 4:29 pm
Lame, they are all a bunch of fucking crooks.
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Lee Harvey Ramone Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 5:57 pm
Those clowns in Washington: What a bunch of clowns
I too will be on an indefinite break from work if there is no agreement on the 2011 budget by the end of this week.
Thanks tea party!
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icecycle66 Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 6:27 pm
I;ve never had more than 5 consecutive days off from work. I’m think that if I do i’ll just never go back.
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WhiteTrashBarbie Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 9:58 pm
Me too! I am looking forward to it because it is the only way I will see an update in a timely fashion.
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T. Farty McAppleass Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 11:32 pm
Looks like you guys won’t be getting any time off. They worked it out.
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I live only 2 miles from work, so I usually go home and throw something together. Sometimes I’ll swing thru Taco Bell on my way home and grab something.
Your reference to a Dunce Cap caused me a flashback! Kindergarten…..little blond b!tch picking on me…..I turned to her an gave her the “raspberries” she told the teacher that I spit on her! HA! I sat up on the high stool with the pointed hat……..hmmmmm…….maybe some therapy is in order?
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Since my current job I brown bag it. I may get something once a month. I either eat at my workbench, or while I’m driving between service calls. Its not for lack of oppertunity, being out in a truck all day takes me past every concievable food place. I just hate taking the time to go inside to get something. Plus, I never know from one day to the next if I will be out of town in the middle of nowhere with only a cows teat to supply lunch, so I bag it justin case.
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Valentin Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 4:31 pm
who’s justin?
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madz1962 Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Mr. Case would be my guess.
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WB in OH Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Justin Case, that insurance dude on tv.
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mikefromLI Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Or maybe his sister Justina Moment
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Debra Reply:
April 10th, 2011 at 8:53 pm
or Mayhem?
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We have a lunchroom at work with a large TV in it. Several of us will typically congregate there and watch some afternoon shows. I guess everybody who watches TV at that time of day has diabeetus, are on disability, or don’t want to re-use their catheters (YIKES).
I usually bring a frozen “Murray Cohen” meal to nuke, but we also have gobs of eateries well within walking (or waddling) distance from the office.
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Root 66 Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 12:08 pm
…and by ‘gobs’ I mean literally any kind of food you can imagine: Japanese; Greek; Chinese; Mongolian; Italian; German; Mexican; even Ethiopian. It’s like the freakin’ United Nations of food around here–or something!
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I generally don’t eat at work – I tried a couple times but I eat at my desk and constantly get interrupted. Or worse, I get the “What are you eating? Ewwwww, that’s so bad for you!” commentary that I’d rather get home famished than put up with it.
Although I did once bring leftovers from a fancy-pants restaurant dinner the night before, and my duck and rabbit ragu made one of the women cry. “OMG, she’s eating bunnies!”
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I will eat almost anything in order to avoid eating leftovers for lunch.
Jeff, I got a book reader as a present last night, so as soon as I figure out how to work it, I will buy your book!!
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My wife is a leftover Nazi. The smallest amount of leftovers will go in the fridge, and it WILL be eaten. To avoid eating the same thing 5 meals in a row, I’ll take leftovers to work, throw them away, then motor on over to Boston Market.
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icecycle66 Reply:
April 6th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
I’ve done that.
No, I do not want a bowl of plain taco meat four days in a row. I’ll sneak som PB&J along and toss the 5th chicken breast of the week in the dumpster.
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bikerchick Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 10:04 am
Ugh…my grandmother took every leftover she had in the fridge and tossed it into her spaghetti sauce. Nothing was wasted. The best is raking through your plate of spaghetti with your fork and finding green beans and pieces of hot dogs.
I was making my boyfriend lunch almost every day as being out on a gas field in the middle of East Ka-Bumfuck leaves no options for food. I was rooting round in the back seat of his truck looking for something one day and came across a bag of food I had given him for lunch at one time or another. Old sandwiches, crackers, chips, fruit…the only reason it didn’t stink to high heaven because it was winter. He told me he was so sick of sandwiches he couldn’t even look at another one. If he didn’t eat something that day, he’d stash it for another time….then forget about it.
I guess you can only do so much with a sandwich (or anything else) before it becomes sickening.
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hardoxdan Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 12:10 am
Nostrils found us!!!
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dunce caps! look up the “scold’s Bridle”, that will give you a full body shiver..
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America needs the dunce cap, and soon.
I’m at my office about half the time and at job sites the other half. When I’m “in the shop” I’ll go with one or more of my fellow eater-outers to one of several local joints that are good, or good enough. In order of distance… there is a “King Pollo” Peruvian chicken place, an Italian buffet that has excellent if nontraditional wings (!), a Mongolian grill, a Thai place, a place that makes very good New York style pizza, a pho place, the “Cafe Saigon” Vietnamese restaurant, and a kebab joint. I discovered a new one the other day – got dragged out to a place named Asian Buffet. With a cryptic name like that I had no idea what to expect, but it was good. There are some good choices in that neighborhood after all.
The last time I worked at a place that was big enough to have a cafeteria was in 1979. Sometimes when I’m “on site” I’ll eat at the client’s cafeteria if they have one, but usually I skip lunch on those days.
.
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I don’t get the “no leftovers” attitude. Of course some things don’t keep (so only make enough for one meal) and you may get tired of a thing after some number of repetitions (and that’s why we have freezers). But some dishes are famously better the next day, like chili or any other kind of stew. In general, if the meal was good to begin with it will be good as leftovers the next day if you reheat it properly (the microwave is often the wrong answer). If it wasn’t good to begin with, do some recipe development.
Sorry, I’m in a (parenthetical) mood.
.
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I eat at work, or I don’t eat. I learned a long time ago that if I bring my lunch I eat it by 9AM. That kind of defeats the purpose. (It’s ok. I work downtown and there is stuff in my building and all around the area. The problem is getting away from my desk.)
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Usually I never would eat a meal at my job. I might get something to drink or perhaps get a bag of chips or a candy bar if I was really hungry. There was one exception. One particular job was a 6am to 6pm on the weekends and holidays. For some reason I wanted lunch when I worked that job so I’d either bring something or order out for pizza. Other jobs I never cared to eat lunch even if it was double shifts but that one particular job required pizza delivery for some reason.
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I’ve never worked anywhere that had a cafeteria, so I don’t know about that at my current job there’s a waffle house and a cracker barrel nearby. I eat at one or the other every day. When I load up at cracker barrel I like to shotgun a couple of slim fast shakes, right after my meal, to cancel everything out and keep the weight off.
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There’s a greasy spoon about 5 miles from my office. I eat there daily. I always order the same thing: a slice of white bread and an ice cold glass of chicken broth. I like it cold because the fat floats to the top, and it feels good in my mouth.
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I bring my lunch, which now that I am losing weight (on purpose), usually is black beans and rice. Prior to that, I would usually order a large pizza pizza from Little Caesar’s for 5 bucks and eat the entire thing once I got back to the office. Or sometimes ten tacos. Or sometimes 4 Whoppers. I eat in my office after taking a full hour for lunch. Makes my lunch hour seem longer. Actually makes it an hour and a half.
So what do I do the first hour? Batting cages. Right next door to my place of business, there are batting cages. Nothing relieves the stress like getting in the 70 MPH cage and smacking the baseball. I will build one of these in my backyard one day, once I hit the lottery.
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I go to my “second home” for my lunch break. Drink two beers and cook a bowl of soup using noodles and soup base from the asian food store. They usually don’t have instructions in English, and I’m sure that I’m eating mostly MSG. I think it costs all of 40 cents for this delicacy. maybe $1.40 after the beer is factored in.
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bikerchick Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 10:09 am
“Second home” = Jack’s?
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Rat Bastard Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 11:04 am
No, I work in the ghetto, but the new girl’s apartment is 5 minutes away. Now I keep 2 refrigerators stocked with cheap beer: the one at her place, and the one at mine.
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bikerchick Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 11:26 am
“New girl?” I don’t remember approving this chick. No one is good enough for my rat bastard.
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Rat Bastard Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 11:34 am
“Bikerchick approved” should be a requirement, sorry for bypassing the rules!
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My wife is on a fucking turkey kick. Ground turkey for tacos, turkey bacon, turkey sausages, etc. I’m sick of it. But we have a freezer full of turkey. I’m seriously considering turning off the power at the breaker box so that the turkey will rot. I’ll just blame it on a power outage.
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WB in OH Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 11:03 am
I tried some ground turkey once, blech! Not to mention it’s expensive as fuck.
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I saw a website where some guy got bacon and grinded it up, then he made a hamburger patty out of it and grilled it. The last hamburger I had was made from turkey meat, and it tasted the way dog food smells.
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Sorry guys, but I’m not going to be able to update today. I’ll try for Friday, though. Have a great day!
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Well then, let me update on another crimefighting adventure that occurred last night.
At Sarasota Square Mall, I was biding time with my kids, cause they like to go there and bide time, and a common occurence I usually hear about, but have never been there to witness occurred.
While exiting from the outrageously priced Build a Bear establishment, I noticed Hector Illegioso running in the main aisles through the mall. He was building up steam, and I witnessed him grabbing a 90 year old’s purse, snatching it off her arm, and continuing his momentum, toward the exit.
My point of sight saw that I could cut him off before the exit, and I told my son to watch his sister and begin to fly at Usain Bolt speed at the angle that would decimate him. I blindsided Aurelio Sneakintothiscountry at an alarming rate and smashed his body into the front wall of Bed, Bath and Beyond.
Grabbing his greasy ponytail, I held him into a position that he could not move from under my weight.
Then, Paul Blart showed up. The biggest fatass “security guard” that the mall has came and told me I needed to surrender Juan Pablo Immigrationscam to him, as it was his job to have things under control when the immpecible Sarasota police Department showed up. I gave the old lady her purse back and let go of Jose Canuseeyouarepayingmymedicalbills.
Within ten seconds, the thief had escaped fatboy’s grasp and quickly ran to the exit. Now this mall never even called me for parttime work for Paul Blart’s position, even after I had applied there 5 times and had a Criminal Justice degree, which I am certain Paul Blart did not have. When the SPD showed up for a report, they axed me to give them a description, to which I replied, bronze skinned, black hair, short, dark eyes. Nothing else I could say. They axed Paul Blart if he could add anything, and he told them that Rafeal Seeyanexttime was “quick”. I then told SPD that this fatasssssssss had no business being a security guard and they reprimanded me for taking matters into my own hands, which I tend to do. I am so sick of this happening here all of the time.
Everyone who witnessed it gave me the old “attaboy” for trying to send someone back, but to no avail.
Was I wrong? Please let me know what you would have done.
OK, carry on.
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Gretchen Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Not let go of the ponytail.
In other tales of crime, whoa:
http://www.movieline.com/2011/04/poor-christopher-walken-has-creepy-grabby-criminal-doppelganger.php
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madz1962 Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 1:07 pm
When you body slammed him into Bed Bath and Beyond, you could have overpowered him with a snoot full of scented candles! Good job, I would have done the same. ANyone that can rip off an old person deserves a few good stomps a la “GoodFellas” style.
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AngryWhiteGuy Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 1:10 pm
It’s my goal to rid this city of one illegal immigrant at a time. I know it’s impossible. It’s just good to have goals.
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 1:30 pm
Cops like to tell you not to get involved. They are the only ones who can stop a crime in progress. Yeah…right.
Good job.
I would’ve done what you did, only there might have been a knee dislocation involved. Of course that is probably just the Walter Mitty in me. I’m glad I live in a really small town…this shit rarely happens here. It’s the hillbillies and meth freaks you have to worry about.
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AngryWhiteGuy Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 1:40 pm
That was the same deal in Boone, NC. No gang rapes, murders or armed robberies. Just meth labs and assault and batteries. Front page of the paper was usually some farmer growing a large vegetable or something.
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Funny you should say something like that. Here is the story ABOVE the fold this morning:
http://newsandsentinel.com/page/content.detail/id/546594/Fire-destroys-Second-Avenue-garage.html?nav=5061
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 1:46 pm
First story on the website I should say.
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Alex Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 3:48 pm
Good Job AWG. Too bad “security” these days is nothing more than something to make the sheeple feel good. Criminals have more rights than you or I. Fuck’em…
Just remember, he tripped and you then tripped over him…
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WB in OH Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 5:37 pm
Nice work! Too bad you didn’t break one of his knees, might of slowed him down a bit.
I’m so lame I had to google Paul Blart.
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chill Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 8:14 pm
Who the hell is Paul Blart?
.
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Bill in WV Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 11:29 am
Mall Cop – starring Kevin James
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Valentin Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 7:06 pm
Good job on catching a thief but how do you know he was illegal? He could have been an American the same as you and me. Does it matter what color he was? Sorry, I’ve been drinking a little.
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chill Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 8:18 pm
No need to be sorry – lots of people assume that anyone who looks like they might speak Spanish must be an illegal. Having said that, he’s a scumbag for stealing the old lady’s purse, regardless of immigration status.
.
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fryguy Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 4:53 pm
thanks for standing up to the bully that tried to steal an old lady’s purse! (illegal alien or not) Too many people just stand by and not do anything which I’m sure is what he expected. We have to take a stand against crime or we are doomed to become a victim ourselves. and fuck the SPD and Paul Blart, most of the time the cops are only good for filling out the crime report or outlining your body in chalk.
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Paul Blart basically told me in no uncertain terms I had no right to hold Ascension Imgonnaimpregnateyoursister down, and that was his job, when he butted in and took hold of him. I would have been happy to hold this guy to the ground, even if it took and hour for SPD to get there.
Jeezus, that dude even has Walken’s saggy cheeks.
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fryguy Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 4:57 pm
citizens arrest! citizens arrest! as One Bullet Barney used to say…
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
April 10th, 2011 at 11:17 pm
Why would Barney say that? Gomer said that.
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We didn’t have any crime where I grew up. The town I live in now is fairly quiet, at least in our neighborhood. Hell, my neighbor called the cops because he saw a black guy walking around a couple of weeks ago. And the cops actually showed up and took him away. I didn’t know you could call the cops to pick up black people at random, but this is Alabama.
I think you did the right thing. Too bad the dirty bastard got away. I saw an old lady taze a guy outside of a Dallas mall one time. She kept running back over to him and hitting him again. He was screaming like a little bitch. I think he tried to steal her purse. I laughed my ass off.
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We had a guy in our office that is from India. Sometimes the shit he would heat up would gag you. It smelled like a nut sack or an arm pit. We had a little party one time and he insisted on bringing dessert. He brought a pan of carrot pudding, I shit you not. It was packed with nasty fruitcake “fruit”. God it was terrible.
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I have a sack of apples I keep at my desk.
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The first time I went to the break room there was this woman who was pleasant and talkitive while she laid out her banquet. I swear I heard her clap her hands just before she dug and proceeded to eat like she was going to the chair. I hid what little lunch I had and decided later would be a better time to show any food out in the open. There’s a BAT on the wall and when I’m there, “Smarter Than a Fifth Grader” seems to always be on and so far I have not sat with a crowd that is. In fact, folks start asking if there’s something else after all the 2nd grade questions are gone. One of these days I want to get there early and go sit under the brake table. I’ll be real quiet and after about 20 mins. I crawl out and get up and walk away like nothing happened.
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Aaaaaaaand I’m back.
I’ve been in the Goetta Belt since last Wednesday.
A quick rundown:
Got on Southwest flight (no incidents) in OKC ordered a screwdriver but got a bloody mary.
Got on Southwest flight in STL and had a G&T.
Landed in Louisville and was picked up by my friend Adam and we went to BBC and then liquor barn (Spent $160 on liquor and beer I can’t get in OKC, and a sombrero (adult)).
Drove up I-71 to Newport, KY and drank at Shortnecks, then Liar’s Club, then dinner at Gourmet Chili (Goetta) and then sleepy time.
Thursday:
Woke up at 8:30 slightly hung over.
Went to get coffee and a bagel. Puked.
Took the shuttle to Fountain Square and had a beer at rock bottom.
Walked to O’Malley’s in the Alley, had a beer.
Walked to the stadium, saw the national anthem, the first pitch, and the F-18 flyover.
Got to our seats (Sect 405, Row B, seats 23, 24).
Milwaukee’s second home run landed one section over, you could see us on the replay, sort of.
Ate stale nachos and saw the end of the best opening day ever.
Walked to the historic Southgate House, 2 PBR’s.
Walked to Shortnecks, food and PBR’s, Bar Harbor Blueberry, etc.
Walked to the liar’s club.
In bed by 2:00 am.
Friday:
The PODS showed up, the guy was a douche and didn’t drop it off.
Lunch at Rock Bottom where my friend won a 42″ Panaphonic plasma the day before.
Took a shower at a friends house (Current roommate had destroyed mine to make the tub overgross).
Dropped off laundry, went to the Jughouse then Shortnecks for a few.
Picked up laundry.
Had dinner at Newport Pizza Co.
Was home by 23:30, asleep by 1:00.
Saturday:
New PODS guy dropped off PODS and we got to work emptying my apartment.
Worked until 15:00 then went to wine tasting at woodstone in Norwood, OH (bought $120 in wine and vodka).
Went to the Edge Inn. PBR and a Noble Pils, $3.15. 2 shots and a PBR and a Noble Pils, $9.65.
Went to Melt for delicious sandwiches.
Went to the Northside Tavern for lameness.
Went to the Comet for Dogfish Head and made fun of fat chicks who weren’t tipping and bad spoken word.
Went to the C&D for some more awesome beer and watched some bad Karaoke.
Finished the night at the Liar’s Club with some bagarita’s.
Sunday:
Drove to Jackson, OH to meet my lil bro, his wife, and the 4 kids. Spent $140 at the Reds team shop for presents for the kids (and my Brandon Phillips shirt).
Drove back to Newport and was asleep by 7:30 PM.
Monday:
Finished loading the PODS except for the bed and TV, etc.
More Jug House, then Coaches Corner then awesome mexican food at Rio Grande.
Watched the shitty championship game at Coaches, then went to Shortnecks, then Liar’s and a guy lunged at me. I tried to hold him off with a chair like a lion tamer but I ended up on my back anyway.
Tuesday:
Finished the big pack, locked up the PODS and started driving Red Wallace toward OKC. We got into STL about midnight and crashed at a Hampton.
Wednesday:
Had lunch at the Royale and then drove to OKC, got in about 23:00.
Now I’m just waiting on my PODS but am officially an Oklahoma resident.
Go Reds!
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Valentin Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 10:10 pm
Sounds like an awesome time. I was wondering why I haven’t seen you post in a while.
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Greg Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 10:37 pm
If that’s a typical week for you, I understand why you’re no longer living in Marietta! Go, Reds!
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t-storm Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 10:41 pm
So many reasons for that. I’m almost 17 yrs removed from there.
But when I go back it’s drink with the parents, hit the boathouse, town house, and MBC, and occasionally the Galley (thumbs down).
Not too typical, it was a working vacation. I normally don’t buy that much booze at liquor places, but I can’t get Christian Moerline and such in OKC.
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Greg Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 10:49 pm
I thoroughly understand!
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madz1962 Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 9:01 am
Welcome back! Sounds like you had a great week!
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What is PODS? That’s the only abbreviation that I didn’t understand.
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t-storm Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 10:16 pm
Portable On Demand Storage
http://www.pods.com/
Basically I got an 8 by 8 by 16 ft box that they will drop off let me load, then pick up again and transport across country and then drop it off at my new place. Or store it.
Basically I didn’t want to drive a moving van 900 miles and now I can load and unload at my leisure.
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“am officially an Oklahoma resident”
Sorry for your loss. It gets better with time. We’re all here for you.
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t-storm Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 10:24 pm
I’m pretty happy with it. Nice new house, walking distance to bars, low cost of living, division champion basketball team and of course:
The fine print says that engineers hired in Oklahoma will be eligible for up to $5,000 in tax credits annually for up to five years.
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dto Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 10:37 pm
Yes I know…I can tell you’re still in shock from what has happened and after a proper period you’ll realize…” I”M IN FUCKING OKIEHOMA!!!!!!” But then again…you seem to be always on the edge fun that’s just about to happen. Go pee on some trees and let ‘em know you’ve arrived.
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Sound familiar?
http://www.700wlw.com/cc-common/news/sections/newsarticle.html?feed=119585
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This kid is pyscho…http://www.mercurynews.com/crime-courts/ci_17793067
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madz1962 Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 3:27 pm
I would have wanted to aze his ass on top of the spray, but that’s just me.
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madz1962 Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 3:56 pm
that should say TAZE
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1865 – With their supply trains destroyed by Union troops one day earlier, Confederate forces under Robert E. Lee surrendered to Union General Ulysses S. Grant at the McLean House near the Appomattox Court House in Virginia, effectively ending the American Civil War.
What would be awesome is if in 1944 Patton went back in time (a la A Final Countdown) and took on Sherman in the south with Sherman tanks.
I believe that’d be one of our more interesting and confusing chapters in American history.
Also on Wikipedia today, Pithole, PA.
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Yay, I feel useful.
I told my facebook crew about Crossroads Road and one of went over and bought it.
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I just realized that if it wasn’t for Florida Drew Curtis would have to get a part-time job.
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Where’s our leader? Perhaps he’s busy signing books?
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Good2go Reply:
April 10th, 2011 at 8:52 pm
His last tweet…
I just bought 200 padded envelopes and a jar of cashews.
07:39:23 PM April 09, 2011
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I don’t see the paperback up and running at Amazon. I know Jeff was shooting for Friday but…Myabe the iPad thing is still messing with him and his finishing touches have hit some snags. Like when you’re fishing for bass and your favorite lure gets caught in the cattails. You’re bound and determined to get it back. If this keeps up for one more day I fear Jeff will suffer a WHTH seziure and render himself bald..
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Just got called out at a shitty comedy. Show I’m
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Greg Reply:
April 10th, 2011 at 9:10 pm
You’re what!! Come on, let us know!!
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I just realized that I have worked at my job for four years and I have never gone out to lunch. Not once. Can’t afford the cost or the additional lard on my ass. Damn, my life sucks. LOL!
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