The West Virginia Surf Report!

Before we get started here, I want to make it clear that I’m not whining. And this isn’t some super-serious exercise, either. And if we’re all still alive and haven’t lost anyone to the virus, we should consider ourselves lucky. And all that. So, if you’re inclined to lecture me from atop the high horse, I’d like to encourage you not to. I know it’s hard to pass up an opportunity to shine, but please make an attempt. I’d be much obliged.

Yes, we’re still in lockdown mode here in the upper right-hand corner of Pennsylvania. Technically we’re still under a stay-at-home order, although that seems to have gone out the window the past few weeks. It felt like everybody was following it. Then, almost at the exact same time, we all said funk dat. Oh, everybody is still wearing masks in stores, etc. But they’re sure as shit not “staying at home.” The traffic is back, and people are flocking to wherever they’re allowed to flock. The beautiful weather probably contributes to that. It’s perfection out there!

This whole thing hasn’t affected me much. I’ve been working through it all, and so has Toney. Both our boys temporarily(?) lost their jobs, but the younger one went out and got another one at a grocery store. The older hooligan? I “joke” with him that he’ll look back at the Coronavirus with great fondness. He’s got money flowing in, and isn’t doing jack shit. Oh, these are the glory days for him.

So, the ways it has affected me are slight, I’d say. I’ll try to break it down, and ask you to do the same, if you’d like.

I don’t like talking about my job here, ’cause it’s never a good idea. But, like I said, I’m lucky enough to have seen no interruption in my employment through this ordeal. I know how fortunate I am. But it’s stressful, and I don’t really know why. It’s not that I’m scared, or anything along those lines. Everything just feels heightened and intense. Just the vibe or energy, or whatever you want to call it. It’s not normal, and it takes  its toll. I can’t explain it, because I don’t really understand it.

And I’ve had to give myself shitty homemade haircuts, which bugs me. Right now I feel like my head is shaped like a rhombus. Toney will help if I ask her, but she sure won’t volunteer. I’m thinking about firing up the clippers after I finish here and trying to de-rhombus my shit before I return to work. A real haircut will feel like the world’s biggest luxury, if it ever happens again. Man! I look like I’m in the throes of sickness, or maybe living on the streets. I need to find an underground back-alley barber, or whatever.

And my favorite Chinese carryout joint closed for a couple of months, which concerned me. I thought they’d never return, after so many weeks. But they’re back! And they’re slammed with business. I’ve been there twice since they reopened and it’s a beautiful thing.

I ordered Cracker Barrel once from DoorDash during this crap. That was a first for me. I don’t get food delivered, it’s not the way I operate. But this dude rolled up at my job with two piping hot meatloaf meals inside a canvas sack, and mister…. I thought I was a delivery convert. But I haven’t done it a second time.

And I’ve watched an enormous amount of TV. It’s not something I generally engage in, not at this level. And it concerns me a little. I’m getting somewhat addicted to television. I hope I can break it once things return to “normal.” I don’t want to be a TV watcher. Ya know? But I’ve powered through Ozark, the new season of Bosch, the new season of Homeland, Dead to Me, Devs, and several others I’m not remembering. I need baseball back, to fill the hours I’m currently burning with TV. Ahhh…. baseball. I miss it even more than real haircuts.

What about you? Please bring us up to date. Are you still working? What’s changed for you over the past couple of months? Use the comments section to check in with us. I hope everyone is well.

I’ll be back soon. Please feel free to give the latest wide-release podcast a listen, if you’re so inclined. Right here. It has some funny moments. There’s a new one for patrons too.

Have a great day, my friends!

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal ([email protected]). Thank you, guys!

You know, like a late Saturday afternoon? Lunch is in the rear view mirror and dinner is still hours away. You’re hungry as a sumbitch, and something needs to happen. Or it’s 8 pm, and dinner didn’t quite fill the void? Chips and crap like that just ain’t gonna get it done. You need some real food, but don’t have the energy or wherewithal to do any actual cooking. Or you’re getting ready to hit the dormancy platform at 1:00 am and realize you’re really freaking hungry?

What do you do? I have trouble with this. I always want something more substantial than just a bowl of Rice Krispies (although that ain’t bad, especially with sliced bananas), but don’t want to break out actual pans ‘n’ shit. I need some tips. I know a sandwich is always a good option, but a good one requires some effort. And some ingredients. I don’t like just a couple of slices of ham on two pieces of sad and flaccid bread. That’s garbage. It’s hard to maintain and calibrate all the proper sandwich components. Ya know?

It might seem weird, but I like to make a giant container of salad every weekend. I buy all sorts of ingredients and it takes me an hour to chop it all up. That hits the spot until Tuesday or so, when it starts going brown on us. So, that’s not an everyday solution.

A simple one that’s really good and satisfying is two scrambled eggs on toast, with a couple of slices of sharp cheese. I do that several times per week, and it’s nothing short of delightful. And it takes roughly four minutes to prepare. But I feel like there should be many other options like that. I should have a dozen such things in my arsenal, but it’s like I have a block and can’t think of others. Oh… grilled cheese is a one good. And I make a damn good grilled cheese, thank you very much.

But help me out here. I’m struggling. I need more between-meal ideas. I’m very limited in my options, ’cause I’m snacktarded. You’d think a man who throws such a large shadow would have this down to a science by now. But I feel like I’m in need of outside help. What do you eat when it’s between feeding times, and you need more than just a handful of Funyuns, or whatever? Help me out, won’t you? Tell us all about it in the comments.

And please don’t suggest soup. Soup is bullshit.

Before I call it a day here, I’d like to alert you to a new episode of the WORLD FAMOUS podcast, which I posted late last night/early this morning. I like this one, which is somewhat rare. Check it out right here, or wherever you get podcasts.

And I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day!

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal ([email protected]). Thank you, guys!

Last time we shared the candies we dislike, and today I’m going to make an effort to rank my Top 5 favorite candy bars. I don’t eat them all that often anymore, but I’ve rifled-down enough during my ridiculous life to have an opinion. And it’s difficult to limit it to just five. However… if I expand it to 10 it feels like I’m padding the list with a couple that are not top-tier. So, let’s give it a shot. Here are my five faves, ranked:

5. York Peppermint Patty
4. Snickers
3. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup
2. Take 5
1. Kit Kat

I realize there are a couple of controversial entries there. Including number five, which seems to be the most divisive candy bar of them all. But, what can I say? I love ’em! When I admit this, my heterosexuality is sometimes called into question. Because I enjoy a light and delightful candy bar?! Whatever. When I’m at Target or Walmart and spot a box o’ those beauties near the checkout, I’ll go for one every time. But I don’t see them as often as I used to, and it concerns me.

The other one that might surprise people is number two. Most of the top tier entries have been around for decades, but Take 5 is relatively new. And I find it amazing that such a perfect concoction was created at such a late date. 2004, according to Wikipedia. It feels like every combination must have surely been tested by then, right? But here we are. This is a solid and fantastic candy bar, definitely one of my favorites. I wish I had one right now.

Kit Kat kicks ass, needless to say. When we were in England they had a massive number of novelty versions, and I see a few over here too. But it’s the original that I love. Sure the Sunday Roast version is intriguing, and the Pepperoni Pizza Kit Kat is probably interesting, but just give me the tried and true. The best candy bar of them all!

The others are classics, and would probably appear on many Top 5 lists. The ones that were left off, but are also really good: Milky Way (like 3 Musketeers but with a ribbon of delicious caramel as a bonus), Almond Joy (I’m a big fan of coconut in this context. I don’t always like it, but it works here), and Payday (when they’re fresh they’re really good, but they are often semi-stale), and Caramello (damn, should this one be in my Top 5?!).

Some popular ones I don’t really like include Heath, Butterfinger, and Nestle Crunch. I like Krackel but Nestle Crunch makes me sad. It’s a poorly-executed knockoff, waxy as all fuck.

Just because I was curious I looked up the year each of my Top 5 were introduced. Here they are: Kit Kat (1935, but 1970s for USA), Take 5 (2004), Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup (1928), Snickers (1930), and York Peppermint Patty (1940). So, I was correct that most date to before WWII. Crazy. The good stuff survives, right?

What do you have on this one? Tell us about it in the comments. Am I way off? Set me straight, won’t you?

And there’s a new podcast episode available, if you’re so inclined. Check it out here.

I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day!

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal ([email protected]). Thank you, guys!

I touched on this subject briefly in the latest episode of the WORLD FAMOUS podcast, and would like to get your thoughts. I spoke about a few candies that I would put in the “terrible” category, including Circus Peanuts, Milk Duds (dental destroyers), those wax bottles with a quarter-ounce of Kool-Aid inside (as well as their first cousin: wax lips), and those strange dots stuck to paper. But the world’s worst, in my opinion, is the Necco Wafer. WTF?? You can hear a snippet of my comments above. And it turns out, I’m sad to say, they ARE American. Man, oh man.

I know this is a half-assed shit-crumb of an update. But, as you might have heard, these are uncertain times. We’ll get back to it shortly. I hope.

In the meantime, please tell us what you consider to be the worst candies you’ve encountered. Use the comments.

And I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day!

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal ([email protected]). Thank you, guys!

I stumbled across a questionable webpage a couple of days ago that lists “unusual” town names in West Virginia. Here it is. I’ve never heard of any o’ those places, but wouldn’t mind calling Pie, WV home. Ya know? There were some towns around us, while I was growing up, that had crazy names. Places like Hurricane, Tornado, Mink Shoals, Pax, Paw Paw, Poca, Pinch, Quick, etc. I think most of those would fall under the heading of Strange or Ridiculous.

Here in Pennsylvania there’s a town called Jim Thorpe, a place that Jim Thorpe — the famous athlete — never visited while he was alive. I could look it up, but I’m very tired. I believe they just made a deal with somebody to move his remains there and rename the town Jim Thorpe. Weird. What’s next, Vic Tayback, Missouri? Bert Convy, Alaska? And, of course, Pennsylvania is home to the automatic go-to response in discussions such as this one: Intercourse. Which is located right next to Blue Ball. And down the road from Bird-In-Hand.

In Georgia there’s a town called Cumming, which triggered a lot of local “comedy.” I believe it was near Climax. And there’s a place down there named Santa Claus. Who the hell knows? In California we lived in Canyon Country, which is a bit odd, I think. And nearby was a town that I always thought had the ugliest-sounding name: Saugus. Man, that bugs me, for some reason.

What do you have on this one? I know it’s abbreviated, but I’m hanging by a thread over here. What towns have you encountered that you thought had strange or ridiculous names? Please share them in the comments.

And before I call it a day here, I’d like to invite you to call the podcast hotline and leave a message of congratulations (or whatever) on our 100th episode, which I’ll be recording in the next few days. It’s a voicemail setup, and it’s at 570-290-8151. Please identify yourself, and say whatever you’d like. Within reason, of course. Let’s keep it cordial, please. I’d like for you all to be a part of it!

I’ll see you guys again soon.

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal ([email protected]). Thank you, guys!