The West Virginia Surf Report!

Ads Vs. Reality: The Burger King Taco!

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THESE THINGS have been around for a while now, and (needless to say) I’ve been intrigued. I was fired up and ready to go all-in on ’em during the week they were released. But a guy at work took the wind out of my sails a bit. He got to them before I did and offered up a lukewarm review. He didn’t completely trash the things but was obviously underwhelmed. If I were a person who used the phrase “meh,” that might be how I’d characterize his review. And who wants meh? Not meh.

But today, on a whim, I announced to the family I was going to Burger King and buying up a sack of those bastards. “Who wants in?!” I shouted. Toney and the older boy politely declined, and the younger boy said, “Are you serious? You’re going to eat one of those terrible things?” I corrected him and let him know I was going to eat FOUR of those terrible things. He shook his head in disgust, got in his car and drove away. We haven’t seen him since.

For the record… the ride to BK and back was harrowing, my friends. I don’t think anyone is at home this Saturday before Christmas. They’re all out there stimulating the economy with fervor and gusto, and gumming up the works. Sweet sainted mother of Oil Can Boyd! I was away from the safety of my home for roughly 14 minutes and almost suffered an emotional collapse.

In any case, the tacos are much thinner than the advertisements portray them. In fact, they’re smashed flat. When I removed the first one from its holster I was not impressed. I mean look at that sad and flaccid thing. There couldn’t be much meat or fixin’s in there, right? And the tortilla or taco shell or whatever you want to call it felt tough, not crispy. The first bite didn’t do much to dispel my concerns, either. It was nothing but tortilla and taco sauce. “OK, this is bullshit,” I mumbled. But I got a hit o’ meat with the next bite, and some lettuce too. Huh, not bad. They’re kind of tasty, in fact. The sauce is fairly mild but has a small amount of kick. And when you get everything together in a single bite, I’d go so far as to say they’re pretty damn good.

I polished off all four of them with no problem and could’ve taken down one more. Heck, they’re only a dollar each. So I’ll keep that in mind next time: five is the magic number.

Let’s not get carried away and proclaim the Burger King taco “good stuff.” But it looks much worse than the ads and tastes a lot better than the reality. I rate it a respectable 6 out of 10.

What are your thoughts on this latest delicacy? Please share ’em in the comments.

And I’ll see you guys again soon!

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). Thank you, guys!

Fresh Podcast Action For Patrons! Ep. 73: Our Cosmic Velocity Reports!

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FOLLOWING a protracted problem with our internet service (grrr..), I was finally able to upload this week’s Patreon episode. It’s available now for all $4 and above patrons, right here. And this is the summary:

In this one, I tell you about an inexplicable song I recently had stuck in my head, the 40th anniversary of the release of one of my favorite albums, and the cosmic velocity reports we’d like to see. I also bitch at length about the current state of the internet, talk about some shows I’m powering through on various streaming services, and share even more insulting comments I’ve heard about my age. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for listening!

It’s one of my favorite recent episodes. Sometimes it all comes together, and many times it doesn’t. But in this one… some of it actually worked. Anyway, during the show, I talk about the data I’d like to pull from the universe about very specific aspects of my life. For instance, the ten albums I’ve listened to most often, from the day I was born to right now. It’s gotta be loaded with Beatles, and probably also includes London Calling. But I’d be interested to see the actual list. And I’d like to know how many beers I’ve taken down, and the number of baseball games I’ve listened to on the radio. That sort of impossible-to-know data.

What obscure statistics about your life would you like to know? Which “cosmic velocity reports” would you pull? Please tell us about it in the comments.

And I have to go to work very early today, my friends. I’ll see you again soon.

Have a great day!

My Ass Continues To Wage Unrelenting War On Denim!

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LOOK AT THAT! In case you can’t tell, it’s the upper right side of the left pocket. That’s where they always give way. Without exception. And why is that? Why there, specifically? I mean, I’ve been blaming the ass itself for this unstoppable destruction. And rightly so. I mean, there’s a substantial amount of volume back there, and standard commercial fabric can only be expected to withstand so much pressure. Indeed, the shredding never ends! As I mentioned in a recent episode of the podcast, I’m blowing up a pair of pants every other month at this point. Always at the upper right side of the left pocket. WTS??

Could it be my wallet? That’s a recent theory I’ve devised, which might just be a subconscious attempt to take a bit of heat off my large attack-ass. But I carry it in the left pocket, the one that always fails. Maybe it’s a contributing factor? Here it is. Is that too thick? It’s not at a Costanza-level yet, but moving in that direction.

Shit. Now that I look at it again, I see that my wallet is not very thick at all. What do you think? <sigh> Oh well. I’m still considering going back to carrying my money and the few cards I use in my left front pocket and seeing if the trouser-shredding slows down a bit. At this point, I’m about to start looking for a monthly enormous pants subscription service.

And just so you know, the catastrophic blowout illustrated above happened at work. I tell the whole story in the podcast, but I was returning from lunch and felt an Arctic wind blowing across an area of my body that I should not be able to experience weather in such detail. And that’s when my heart skipped a beat, ’cause I knew I had yet another situation on my hands. For the rest of the evening, I didn’t remove my jacket and exited rooms walking backward. Sheesh. I’ve become an old pro at it.

Have you ever had any similar troubles? How about my wallet theory? Let me know your thoughts. And have a great day, my friends.

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). Thank you, guys!

Fresh Podcast Action! Ep. 72: Corporate Christmas Parties!

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I HAD PROBLEMS with the site today, but it appears to be fixed. For a couple of hours, I could not get into the control panel. When I attempted to log in I just got a white screen with the word “Error” in the upper left-hand corner. I checked other sites I own (and have abandoned), and got the same results. Needless to say, I was nearing a full and utter nervous breakdown. But the help desk pointed me in the right direction and I was able to get shit corrected. They didn’t fix it, mind you. They told me how to do it. I don’t care for that. Anyway, order has been restored.

And now I can alert you guys to another episode of the world-famous West Virginia Surf Report podcast. In this one, I share some ancient memories from corporate Christmas parties I have attended. You’ll get to hear about the drunken spinning schoolmarm, a comment I made that still causes me to cringe ‘n’ wince when I think about it, an amazing moment at the CEO’s house, and Toney and I sneaking around a Christmas carnival and making a very cool discovery.

You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, it’s widely distributed. Or you can just click play, right here:

I hope you enjoy it! There will be another episode on Thursday, at Patreon only. I hope to see you there!

In the meantime, if you have any office party stories to share we’d love to hear/read ’em!

Have a great day, my friends.

Stolen Directly From Reddit! A Fun Question I Didn’t Think Of Myself!

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I visit Reddit daily, mostly the Cincinnati Reds page, but others as well. And occasionally I see something that triggers a Surf Report Question of the Day. Today, for instance, I noticed the question below and thought, “Huh, I like that… I wish I’d thought of it myself.” Here it is:

If you can’t see it for some reason, it reads: There is a scratch and sniff map of the United States, what does your state smell like? The punctuation is questionable, but that’s beside the point. I think it’s a solid and creative question. And instead of just lifting it and acting like I was the originator, I’m stealing it with full disclosure. What do you have on this one, my friends? What do you believe your state would smell like on… a scratch and sniff map? Tell us about it in the comments, won’t you?

Also, what are your favorite Sub-Reddits? There are some great ones out there. Please share your faves.

Support us with a monthly $4 donation at Patreon, and get an extra podcast episode every week! We’re also at Venmo (@thewvsr) and PayPal (jeff@thewvsr.com). Thank you, guys!