On Friday and Saturday afternoons I got away from the computer for a while, and it was fantastic.
I once read a Dean Koontz novel that featured people who became one with their machines. Their faces actually melded with the monitors, and the whole thing was powered by the beating of their hearts. It was pretty creepy, and I worry it’ll someday happen to me.
Steve was in the area on Friday, so I met him for lunch at Five Guys. I ordered a cheeseburger with tomatoes, lettuce, onions, and green peppers. And that’s what I received, except somebody apparently believes pickle slices are tomatoes. Blecch. Even after I removed the horrible things, I could taste the residue.
Steve came bearing gifts, as usual, and gave me an enormous Magnolia Thunderpussy t-shirt. Very cool. He also received two copies of Beatles Monopoly for Christmas, and gave the extra to the Secrets (I still need to choose new internet names for them). And he allowed me to transfer an assortment of bizarre and obscure microbrews from the trunk of his car to mine, which is always appreciated.
After lunch he was going to run some errands, at Target and places like that. I really needed to get back to my “book,” but hated the thought of face-melding with my computer again. So, I went with him, and we mocked everything as far as the eye could see. Just like we’ve been doing since Nixon was president.
Our last stop of the afternoon was Wegmans, to peruse their outstanding beer selection. There’s always an “expert” on hand to answer your questions, and be of assistance. Oh, this is a high-class operation… I asked if they were ever going to be stocking Fuller’s London Pride, which Toney and I discovered and loved on our England trip.
“Follow me,” our beer steward said, and led us to a shelf containing four six-packs of the stuff. I nearly wept. Each six was priced at $11.99, but I’m an old pro at justifying such things. If you ever need any help on that front, just drop me an email. I can take you from overwhelming guilt, to believing you actually got a deal, in seconds flat.
The next day Toney and I cleaned up the house, which was a freaking disaster area. I finally dealt with the knee-deep mound of crapola I’d transferred from the bunker to the family room, and we whipped the place into shape while guzzling Five O’Clock coffee. It sucked, but I’m glad we did it. I don’t like cleaning, but I like having cleaned.
The older Secret was invited to an “Airsoft war,” and the rest of us went running around and doing this and that. We ended up at Five Guys again, which is fine by me. This time they figured out what a tomato is, which made it much better.
The younger youngling wanted to walk through the flea market, which Toney hates, so we did a real quick lap around that white trash jamboree. A woman was selling large postal envelopes full of uncooked perogies near the front door, which caused me to do a rare triple-take.
A Civil War veteran had a stand filled with old cigarette lighters, campaign buttons, and various advertising trinkets. I like that kind of stuff, so I lingered for a few minutes. And I found a box filled with old fashioned keys, sorta like this one, priced at $3 each.
Who in the hell would pay three bucks for a useless key?! I laughed at the thought, as I rummaged through the box. Then I found one I was oddly attracted to. I held it in my hand, and the thing seemed to have special powers or something. So I bought it.
I can’t explain it… But the old guy nodded knowingly as I handed him the money (WTF?). I’m going to carry it in my pocket, as a good luck charm. Do you have anything like that? Do you keep something with you, to ward off the bad spirits or whatever? Tell us about it, if you do.
At Sam’s I decided I wanted to check my blood pressure, on their machine in the pharmacy. And there was a line! Two people were ahead of me, and it got me all agitated. When it was finally my turn, it registered in the “high normal” category. Toney said it probably would’ve been normal, if I hadn’t gotten so worked-up about the crowd.
But seriously, it was a blood pressure machine, not the Good Humor man. It still bothers me.
After Sam’s we went to Lowe’s, where we looked at bathroom stuff. We’re toying with the idea of remodeling our upstairs crapatorium, and are in the pricing stage — which can last for upwards of a year.
We saw a toilet with two buttons on top of the tank, instead of a regular flush handle. One is for “solids,” and the other is for “liquids.” Apparently it’s to help save water, or somesuch.
This, of course, kicked off a lengthy discussion. “What about diarrhea?” I asked. “Would that be considered liquid, or solid?” “Yeah, and vomit!” Toney offered. “It’s usually liquidy, but thick.” Can you see why we’re a perfect match?
But the younger Secret had the best line. He brought up the oldest translucent, and how Eninen had to use a soup spoon (or whatever) to pry the granite-like turds from him. “He’d need one with a third button, marked ‘rock solid.'”
He kills me. I have a feeling he’ll be taking over the Surf Report, once my heart says fukkit.
On Saturday we got caught up on LOST and Friday Night Lights, and that’s pretty much the highlight of our weekend away from computers.
What did you guys do? Anything exciting? Tell us about it in the comments.
Also, I’m going to keep linking to mockable dot org, until there’s a revolt. So, let me know when it’s starting to get on your nerves, and I might start thinking about knocking it off.
I’ll have more of this stuff tomorrow.
See ya then!