My Whole World Is Falling Apart, Pass the Beer Nuts

Everything’s falling apart, my friends.  I apologize for the lack of updates, but I’m up to my ass in mongooses over here.  In fact, even though I missed Monday and Wednesday, I’m going to have to make this one a quickie.  I’m sorry.  But please know that when I feel like I’m neglecting the site, I get all fidgety and weird.  So, it’s hurting me more than it’s hurting you.

We’re going to Knoebels today, and the Nancy family is supposed to meet us there.  They didn’t return yesterday, as planned, and are going straight to the park.  Yeah… it’s a 50/50 chance they’ll actually show up.  Everything is fluid and dynamic, when it comes to Eninen.

So anyway, I thought I’d briefly tell you guys about the stuff that’s stopped working over the past few weeks.  And man, it’s starting to pile-up…  When it rains it pours, and all that crapola.

Let’s get started, shall we?

The websites The redirect code returned yesterday, and I think I’ve reached a point where nothing can hurt me anymore.  Once you pass through a tunnel of trauma, and emerge on the other side, you’re a changed person.

Of course, there’s no way of knowing if the episode is finally over.  It’s like an ‘80s horror film, when the maniac is “killed,” but continues coming back to life somehow.

The guy who helps me with technical issues, and saves my butt over and over again, identified an unused WordPress theme, at FurtherEvidence, which MIGHT have been the entry point for the hackers.  It was definitely compromised, and has now been removed.  I’m hoping that will take care of it.

But I still have some cleanup to do, especially with Mockable. I’ll get to it, ASAP.  Grrr…  Stoopid hackers and their fraudulent commie cooch.  Please say a prayer to the internet gods for us…

The dishwasher It stopped working several weeks ago, and we don’t really have the money to have someone come fix it.  In fact, we don’t even know what’s going on with the thing.

Money is extra-tight for us during the summer – when Toney only works sporadically – so we’ve been washing dishes by hand.  And that blows.  It feels like Little House on the Prairie.  Except, you know, there’s no bucktoothed tomboys running around, or goody-goody blind girls.  Whatever.

The lawnmower It worked the first time I used it this summer, then it wouldn’t start for several days.  Then it started working again, for about three or four weeks, and fully and completely shit the bed again.  For no known reason.

The oldest Secret and I have changed the sparkplug and the air filter, and even poured a capful of Dry Gas into the tank, in case there was some water in there.  Nothing.  It’s deader than Kelsey’s nuts.  Today I have somebody coming to mow our yard (for $40), to give us a little more time to figure out a solution to YET ANOTHER nagging problem in our lives.

There’s a lawnmower repair shop near us, but the guy who owns it has a black belt in assholery.  I hate to give him my business, but I don’t know what else to do.  I’m running out of options.  It’s either the repair shop, or a new mower.  Again:   grrrr…

The deck I wrote about this before, but our deck is sinking into the ground at one corner.  We had a guy come look at it, and he said he’d jack it up, pour concrete footers to prevent it from happening again, and refinish the whole deal, for $1400.  At this point in time, it might as well be $14 million.  It’s just gonna have to keep sinking, until this depression is ovah.  Fuck it.

Crossroads Road reprice This is not a big deal, but it irritates me nonetheless.  It’s a cumulative thing, you see… the problems are mounting.

Over the weekend I requested a price change on the electronic versions of the novel – from 99 cents to $2.99.  Barnes & Noble made the revision within the hour, but as I type this, Amazon is still dithering.  Well, actually, they changed the UK price, and the German price, but not the one for the US.  I made another request, it went through the whole process, and still remained at 99 cents.  Even though they have it marked as “complete.”

So, you see, I get to waste more of my time finding out what the hell’s going on.  Somebody at the help desk told me it would be fixed within 24 hours, but the fact that I had to go to the help desk irritates me down to my skeleton.  Why can’t things just work?

[UPDATE: It’s finally done, four or five days later.]

Andy This one scares me a little.  Our dog Andy is limping around, and struggling to get up the stairs.  He’s not himself, and on one recent night wasn’t even interested in partaking of his middle o’ the night yard dump.  That’s not the Black Lips Houlihan we know…

He was a lot better on Wednesday and is pretty much back to normal today, but he’s going to the vet tomorrow.  I have a feeling he’s developing arthritis.  He turned 10 on June 1, so he’s getting up there.  I hate to see that hound showing his age…  He’s the greatest, the best dog I’ve ever known.  And I don’t like this hobbling business whatsoever.

So, what’s broken at your place?  Anything?  Please tell us about it in the comments section.  Or are you the type who does small engine repairs… dog surgeries… etc.?  We need to know all about it.

And I’m gonna call it a day, my friends.  Within three hours I’ll be on the Phoenix roller coaster throwing my vertebrae out of line.  I’m looking forward to it!

See ya next time.

Now playing in the bunker
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So, who is this guy?

Thanks for stopping by! My name is Jeff Kay, I was born while JFK was president, and it's all very embarrassing and corny. Today I'm a suburban husband and father, who is sometimes accused of being a bit tightly-wound. The West Virginia Surf Report! is my creative outlet, and insurance policy against completely losing my shit. I hope you'll stick around and participate in the lively community of geniuses and curmudgeons who hang out here every day. I love a full 87% of them! And while you're at it, please follow me at Twitter and Facebook.

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