My Whole World Is Falling Apart, Pass the Beer Nuts

Everything’s falling apart, my friends.  I apologize for the lack of updates, but I’m up to my ass in mongooses over here.  In fact, even though I missed Monday and Wednesday, I’m going to have to make this one a quickie.  I’m sorry.  But please know that when I feel like I’m neglecting the site, I get all fidgety and weird.  So, it’s hurting me more than it’s hurting you.

We’re going to Knoebels today, and the Nancy family is supposed to meet us there.  They didn’t return yesterday, as planned, and are going straight to the park.  Yeah… it’s a 50/50 chance they’ll actually show up.  Everything is fluid and dynamic, when it comes to Eninen.

So anyway, I thought I’d briefly tell you guys about the stuff that’s stopped working over the past few weeks.  And man, it’s starting to pile-up…  When it rains it pours, and all that crapola.

Let’s get started, shall we?

The websites The redirect code returned yesterday, and I think I’ve reached a point where nothing can hurt me anymore.  Once you pass through a tunnel of trauma, and emerge on the other side, you’re a changed person.

Of course, there’s no way of knowing if the episode is finally over.  It’s like an ‘80s horror film, when the maniac is “killed,” but continues coming back to life somehow.

The guy who helps me with technical issues, and saves my butt over and over again, identified an unused WordPress theme, at FurtherEvidence, which MIGHT have been the entry point for the hackers.  It was definitely compromised, and has now been removed.  I’m hoping that will take care of it.

But I still have some cleanup to do, especially with Mockable. I’ll get to it, ASAP.  Grrr…  Stoopid hackers and their fraudulent commie cooch.  Please say a prayer to the internet gods for us…

The dishwasher It stopped working several weeks ago, and we don’t really have the money to have someone come fix it.  In fact, we don’t even know what’s going on with the thing.

Money is extra-tight for us during the summer – when Toney only works sporadically – so we’ve been washing dishes by hand.  And that blows.  It feels like Little House on the Prairie.  Except, you know, there’s no bucktoothed tomboys running around, or goody-goody blind girls.  Whatever.

The lawnmower It worked the first time I used it this summer, then it wouldn’t start for several days.  Then it started working again, for about three or four weeks, and fully and completely shit the bed again.  For no known reason.

The oldest Secret and I have changed the sparkplug and the air filter, and even poured a capful of Dry Gas into the tank, in case there was some water in there.  Nothing.  It’s deader than Kelsey’s nuts.  Today I have somebody coming to mow our yard (for $40), to give us a little more time to figure out a solution to YET ANOTHER nagging problem in our lives.

There’s a lawnmower repair shop near us, but the guy who owns it has a black belt in assholery.  I hate to give him my business, but I don’t know what else to do.  I’m running out of options.  It’s either the repair shop, or a new mower.  Again:   grrrr…

The deck I wrote about this before, but our deck is sinking into the ground at one corner.  We had a guy come look at it, and he said he’d jack it up, pour concrete footers to prevent it from happening again, and refinish the whole deal, for $1400.  At this point in time, it might as well be $14 million.  It’s just gonna have to keep sinking, until this depression is ovah.  Fuck it.

Crossroads Road reprice This is not a big deal, but it irritates me nonetheless.  It’s a cumulative thing, you see… the problems are mounting.

Over the weekend I requested a price change on the electronic versions of the novel – from 99 cents to $2.99.  Barnes & Noble made the revision within the hour, but as I type this, Amazon is still dithering.  Well, actually, they changed the UK price, and the German price, but not the one for the US.  I made another request, it went through the whole process, and still remained at 99 cents.  Even though they have it marked as “complete.”

So, you see, I get to waste more of my time finding out what the hell’s going on.  Somebody at the help desk told me it would be fixed within 24 hours, but the fact that I had to go to the help desk irritates me down to my skeleton.  Why can’t things just work?

[UPDATE: It's finally done, four or five days later.]

Andy This one scares me a little.  Our dog Andy is limping around, and struggling to get up the stairs.  He’s not himself, and on one recent night wasn’t even interested in partaking of his middle o’ the night yard dump.  That’s not the Black Lips Houlihan we know…

He was a lot better on Wednesday and is pretty much back to normal today, but he’s going to the vet tomorrow.  I have a feeling he’s developing arthritis.  He turned 10 on June 1, so he’s getting up there.  I hate to see that hound showing his age…  He’s the greatest, the best dog I’ve ever known.  And I don’t like this hobbling business whatsoever.

So, what’s broken at your place?  Anything?  Please tell us about it in the comments section.  Or are you the type who does small engine repairs… dog surgeries… etc.?  We need to know all about it.

And I’m gonna call it a day, my friends.  Within three hours I’ll be on the Phoenix roller coaster throwing my vertebrae out of line.  I’m looking forward to it!

See ya next time.

Now playing in the bunker
Crossroads Road for your Kindle: just $2.99!

251 Responses to “My Whole World Is Falling Apart, Pass the Beer Nuts”

  1. My will is pretty damn broke.

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    Alice in WV Reply:

    I really don’t need to read any further comments. You made me chuckle and nod in commiseration.

    but I’ll read on because you guys are funny. I realized last night that I write things on here that I don’t even post on Facebook.

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  2. Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..

    Just about everything in my house gets busted or fucked up in some way. This is why we can’t have nice things….

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  3. $40 fucking bucks to mow your yard? Damn, I wish I was your neighbor, I’d do it for a case of lager. Unless of course you’re sitting on a 2 acre lot, then, well, for get about it.

    I don’t have a dishwasher to break but I also am the only one making dishes dirty.

    Knock on wood but my 99 Taurus hasn’t been in the shop for awhile so it’ll probably break on the way home.

    Sorry life keeps kicking you in the weiner. Perhaps all the struggle will help your art.

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  4. Jeff, I may be on the other side of the valley from you, but one of the local post-adolescents ripped my decrepit mower apart and got it running again for 20 bux. drop me an email and i can find you his number. Barring that, what about craigslist? Every time I look on there it seems like people are crawling all over each other to offer their services for less than the next guy. I’m sure you could find cheap-o lawn mower repair and dishwasher repair there, without having to take out a second mortgage to pay for it.

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    madz1962 Reply:

    Or use angieslist.com . The customers rate the services people so you’ll know better if you’re getting someone decent or a real dicktard.

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    SaucyDeb Reply:

    Yeah, but AngiesList you have to pay for. We found a great appliance repairman on Craigslist. My 2 year old washer quit spinning a while back. We called an appliance repair place and they sent out their guy (for a $60 trip charge). He gave me a $600 estimate (on a 2 year old $700 washer?!) for a new board. I was going to buy a new washer but my husband found a guy on Craigslist. He came out for free (no trip charge!) and put a new latch on the door and reset the board for $80! We’ve used him a couple of other times since and recommended him to lots of people. In fact, he’s going to be here tomorrow to fix my dishwasher.

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  5. Every lawn mower I’ve ever owned or worked with has been a horse’s ass in some way. The current one (I’d call it new but it was actually a ‘floor demo’ and therefore probably a ‘return’) likes to have its gas cap come off – somewhere in the yard, where I can’t find it. If you use a ‘substitute’ gas cap, the mower only works intermittently.

    As for limping around, that would be me. Arthritis, bone spurs, “tired bones” – you name it. :(

    [Reply]

    Tyrosine Reply:

    Wrap some Teflon tape around the threads before you put the cap on. That should snug things up so it won’t vibrate lose.

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  6. “Good God Gertie What a Gash!” You’re right; you’ve way too much on your platter right now. Deep breath, and compose a list of what absolutely needs done first, are in order for you sir. I’m exhausted just reading the post. (Personally, I’d put the ‘pooch’s’ well being at the top.)

    My folks are ‘broken’ with senility, ineptness, confusion, and failing health. As long as my vehicle runs to get them to and fro their continual doctor offices visits, I can’t complain about material things. It’s hell observing their downhill sprial into the sunset of their lives.

    I HATE that feeling of being overwhelmed of shit that needs attention and repairs.

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  7. !) Electric mower. It’s like pushing around a vaccum cleaner. Had the same one for 20 years. Bought a new one (Black and Decker) from some guys Amazon link. Only had to get a new one because the make it go gizzmo/ lever thingy broke, (a little piviot pin) and there’s no longer any replacement parts. Get one. Quiet and light-weight. And the thrill of always wiondering if you’ll electrocute yourself if you run over the cord is worth twice the price.

    2) Dishwasher…get a new one. Piss on that repair thing. I’ll lend you a friends Lowe’s card if you want.

    3) Andy has four hands and can’t decide which three he should use to be whipping through his fur to help you out..10 is young for Boarder Collie types. Maybe a doggie whore house would do the ‘trick’ too. He’ll be fine.

    4) Sounds like soon you’ll be able to call it a patio. “Patio Dining” always adds three bucks to any meal. So…you’re making money every time you eat out there.

    That’s it. I’m off to The Kroger for some Beer Nuts thankyouverymuch.

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  8. How’s the oil level in the mower? I hate to ask that sort of thing but sometimes people forget about the oil in a push mower. Make sure it’s at the right level and clean…or better yet just change it.

    Drain the entire fuel system. Drain the tank, clean the fuel lines, check the filters (probably just a basket filter in the tank but you may have a small one in the fuel line somewhere) and clean out the engine as much as you can without getting any extra parts. Refill with new gas and start the shoulder destruction sequence.

    Make sure the little hole on the top of the gas cap is clear so that air can exchange.

    Other items to check:
    Check that your throttle isn’t stuck in one extreme or the other.
    Clean out the carburetor (I hat doing this, don’t have any spare part left over when you are done)

    If all that has been done or doesn’t work go here:
    http://www.jackssmallengines.com/do_it_home.cfm

    The mountain to the south of my house is still on fire.

    [Reply]

    Rat Bastard Reply:

    icecycle, I was guessing dirt/rust in the carb or tank too.

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    WB in OH Reply:

    If I was Jeff’s neighbor, I’d pop some popcorn, grab a lawn chair and watch him rebuild the carburetor.

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  9. Everything in my condo is falling apart. Not that it matters, since I’m walking away from it. So I guess my credit score is about to fall apart too.

    I’ve been in my new apartment for about a week, and I couldn’t be happier. The A/C died a couple of days ago. I reported it to the property manager, and it was fixed six hours later. Cost to me: $0.

    The apartment has washer & dryer (W&D) hook-ups, but it doesn’t actually come with a W&D. I was considering buying a bottom-of-the-line W&D for about $800. Instead I’m going to rent them for $30 a month. If they break, it’s not my problem.

    Sure, I’m not “building equity”. But I also have no liabilities now. It’s an awesome feeling.

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  10. One bad thing… my body is falling apart. I had my body fat measured with a DXA machine yesterday. I’m at 27%. A year ago, I was at 21%. Time to diet and exercise.

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  11. Dogs: My 13 y.o. female pug, Stella, has big-time navigation issues. Her hind legs are getting more lame by the week. Her little ass end is like a deer on ice on the wood floor. Nothing the vet can do. Pretty soon we’ll be buying a little cart with wheels so she can get around. Although it certainly hasn’t hurt her energy and appetite, I still worry.

    My 11 y.o. male pug, Bruno, had a seizure a couple weeks ago. Scared the living shit out of me. I was hysterical, he was foaming at the mouth. Other than ear problems when he was younger, he has never been sick. It could be something as simple as adding sugar to his water or $3000 worth of tests to “possibly” find the source.

    Those two hairballs are the sweetest, most loving dogs I have ever had. I have enjoy them more than most people. It will be complete devestation for me should anything happen to them. The Mrs. will have to give me bereavement leave.

    My home computer is running very very slow and it’s starting to worry me. That’s an expense I DO NOT need but one I would have to incure, like it or not. I’m hoping I just need to clean it out.

    I still have not sold my old house. It just went on the market (again) and the tennent moved out. She was a big mouth pig and I think she blocked interested buyers the last time. Now the real estate agent wants all types of minor but tedious repairs and updates done. Since I own this fucking money pit with my Ex, my boyfriend has been up my ass about getting it out of my life but doesn’t want me to put anymore $$ into it. I’m damned if I do, fucked if I don’t. My Ex can’t get the financing necessary to buy me out and I don’t fucking want it at all. I’m at my wits end with this.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    Defrag the computer and your current boyfriend. Works!

    [Reply]

    bikerchick Reply:

    Defragging my computer at home as we speak/type. I started it last night. It is about 75% complete. Must be really fucked up or is that usually how long it takes?

    [Reply]

    Chuck in Belpre Reply:

    Depending on the size of the drive and how many files you have it could take a while. That’s kinda long tho even for a terribly fragmented drive. You may have some bad spots on the hard drive. When it’s done make a backup of stuff you REALLY need/want to keep. It’s a good idea to defrag every couple weeks if you create/delete a lot of files.

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    bikerchick Reply:

    Thank you, Chuck. I do have a lot of files for my jewelry biz. I’m just afraid my hard drive is gonna shit the bed. That’s just what I DON’T need.

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    chill Reply:

    I’ll second what Chuck said: Be ready for when it does shit the bed. Make backups of everything you can’t afford to lose, and keep on backing up when you change anything or create a new file. Depending on how much stuff you have, you could use a USB hard drive, DVDs, thumb drive(s), whatever. Seriously, good backups will turn a disaster into an inconvenience. Been there, etc.
    .

    [Reply]

    bikerchick Reply:

    Thanks, guys. I appreciate the help and advice!! Xo

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  12. I’m not going to read any more comments until there is a new update. Just reading about everyone’s problems is making me feel down.

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  13. But Jeff, I thought your mother-in-law won the lottery and gave you 2 million dollars and a new house? Wait, I forgot..that was Jovis. The Gods of mechanical harmony seem to be smiling at my house, but I’m sure that’ll change soon enough. It always does..

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    Jason Reply:

    Jovis? I thought his name was “Smuggy Bear”, or something like that.

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    CADude Reply:

    That’s probably just how your mind’s eye saw him, Jason.

    [Reply]

    Jason Reply:

    Come on, doesn’t anyone else that read the book remember that? What he was being called on whatshisname’s blog? I thought it was Smuggy Bear or Snuggy Bear or something like that.

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    WB in OH Reply:

    Ben’s blog. Smuggles the Bear.

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    Jason Reply:

    That’s right, piece of shit Ben. For some reason I had it in my head that weirdo Kevin had a blog, but that didn’t seem right.

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    WB in OH Reply:

    Don’t feel bad, I had to scroll through my Kindle app to find it back, my memory ain’t fer shit.

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  14. We have 15 year old appliances always on the verge of having a grand mal seizure. I ran bleach through the dishwasher because it was getting funky looking. So far, so good.

    The refrigerator is starting to scare me. I took out a bottle of wine that had been in there a good 24 hours and the wine was on the warmish side.

    Maybe Andy has Lymes disease. Antibiotics will fix him up just fine.

    Like I mentioned the other day, I volunteered at a cat shelter yesterday. I was petting a purring one-eyed cat when the fucker suddenly went ballistic and clawed the bejesus out of my right hand. Poor little puff. I may have moved my hand and she couldn’t tell with her one eye and pounced.

    the “kitten room” was a slice of heaven.

    The only drawback is I feel like I can still smell cat piss and shit. It’s adhered to my nostril lining and every now and again I get a strong whiff of funk.

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  15. I hope things get better for you Jeff. And Andy. And the resta yous.
    I ain’t even gon complain.

    I’ll say this, though, as to the Lawnmower Man and his black belt in assholery: Jason said the other day that he has a black belt in bullshitsu. Maybe he could somehow confuse that fugger into a freebie repair.

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  16. One of my cars needs work, but nothing major. I got some sweet bruises over the weekend, not related to the car.

    Only thing broke in my life is my brother.

    I have a bar friend mow my lawn. I gave him 25 bucks and a 12 of high life. A little high, but so was the grass. It started raining after he mowed it last and then didn’t stop.

    It’ll get better Jeff, I hope. Just take care of your shit, I doubt there’s anyone here who will seriously bust your balls for not updating, it’s all in good fun.

    Now if you start updating like that my husband is annoying lady we might mutiny.

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  17. Another Pandora’s Box!!!

    Dishwasher….check. Been broken for over a year. Washing dishes by hand doesn’t suck that bad if you make your kids do it. They owe it to you.

    Oven- two burners don’t work. Timer doesn’t work…and it’s a fucking ugly yellow color.

    AC- goes out once a month. Overworked due to the “climate” but too old for “parts”. Need a new unit completely. I don’t know how people even lived down here in the early 1900s.

    Car- “ping” arm about to break, therefore, it will be sending me hurling in whatever direction the car is pointing at the time. I try to avoid the interstate, since there is less chance of my demise that way, but driving around with a tightened sphincter is no way to live, mister. Expecting that to happen any day now.

    Lawnmower- needs new blades and a tuneup. Mowing the sand takes its toll on the beast.

    I have eight work shirts. Five of them are missing at least two buttons. The other three are so tight they are ripping at the seams. I have three pairs of work pants. Tow are shredded at the cuffs and one has a zipper in the permanent “up” setting. The two pairs of jeans I have have holes the size of baseballs in them

    Of the three pairs of shoes I have, two have the soles falling off.

    Our carpet has black spots all over it from the seven year old and the cat. Stanley Steemer can kiss my ass. 400 dollar “estimate”!!!

    Our washer bounces around the garage and rips from the water hose when doing so.

    Two of my fingers are “broken”, so I just have to deal with them with no insurance.

    Apparently, the rain clouds in my neighborhood are broken, as well. It’s 1000 degrees here with no rain in sight.

    Other than those few things, it’s jimfuckingdandy here.

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  18. My car is acting up. Ben and I went to Subway last week, and when we went to leave, my car wouldn’t start. It wanted to start, but wasn’t starting. The service engine light came on after that. It started eventually, but I brought it in the next day and he can’t figure out the source of the code that it’s throwing. It’s saying P0181, which is a Fuel Temperature Sensor. The mechanic said that it wouldn’t be causing the car not to start though, so I’ve now back back and forth to this place 3 times, and finally yesterday after some research and bullshit, he figured out that it must be the Mass Airflow Sensor. Which, as luck would have it, this tiny peice of shit part is a $200 part. Of course, this happens 3 weeks before we are to leave for NY and ideally, my Santa Fe is the perfect traveling car that I’m now scared to death to take there. The problem is, the car will randomly not start, it doesn’t happen every day, just every once in awhile. It’s happened twice now in the past week and half and drives fine every other time. So, I’m scared that if we fix this part, it may not fix the problem. So what happens if it drives fine for the next two weeks, we take it to New York, and it dies in the camp ground? We’d be 11 hours from home with no car…I want to poop my pants just thinking about it. We can take Ben’s car, but he has a Jetta and those things are not made for traveling. It’s a nice car, but very uncomfortable for road trips. Aside from all that, I have to now spend $243 bucks fixing a little asshole part in my car, that I could have used towards the actual trip. This is the 5th car I’ve had in 8 years, when will it end? If I had a bike, the chain would break 2 days later.

    Another thing pissing my off is my Xbox that keeps getting the poopy red rings. How am I supposed to play Halo Reach live if my Xbox is dying? It comes back on after a little bit, but still.

    Comcast is raping me as usual. I’m paying $130 bucks a month for one box with basic cable and high speed internet. I called about a payment plan today and their idea of a payment plan is giving you 7extra days to make the full payment. I responded, ‘That isn’t a payment plan, it’s just an extension of time for me to pay the same ridiculous amount.’ Comcast should offer lube with their bills.

    [Reply]

    madz1962 Reply:

    $130 for basic cable? Screw that! I pay $177 for internet, phone and cable with every premium movie channel – I have Verizon.

    I got the SAME car code – and they don’t know what it is. The Engine light went off again so I’m pretending it never happened.

    [Reply]

    Jason Reply:

    We pay $90 per month for high speed internet, cable, and phone. Knology.

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    Brittney Reply:

    He reset the code the first time because the first time it was reading that one and some shit about a charcoal canister? Whatever that is. He said those two things wouldn’t cause a car not to start though. So, the next time it happened, I was actually at a car dealership discussing trade-in options, mind you, the car had been running just fine the whole week, and it wouldn’t start when I was leaving the dealership. Of course, this was also the day they were having a BBQ in the parking lot and all looked on curiously as I tried to get the car to start. The guy who had been helping me came over to the window and I told him, ‘This is has NEVER happened before, what is going on!?’ Ha. It finally turned over and I peeled outta there and went straight back to the mechanic where it threw the P0181 again, that was Saturday. It’s now Thursday and it’s still goin’. I dunno.

    Jason, do you have dish? Do tell.

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    Root 66 Reply:

    Place some black electrical tape OVER the ‘check engine’ light. That way, it won’t bother you! That’s how I fix it…

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    I had an 85 Bronco II and that was how I fixed my check engine light!

    [Reply]

    madz1962 Reply:

    If my car makes weird noises, I just turn up the volume on the radio. Fixes it every time.

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    I guess all those suggestions would work, but I don’t think they would prevent my car from not starting, lol.

    [Reply]

    Root 66 Reply:

    My only other suggestion–buy a Toyota! I have two: one is nine years old, the other is eight. I have NEVER been stranded or broken down. They might cost a little more initially, but in the long run they pay for themselves with peace-of-mind! :)

    [Reply]

    t-storm Reply:

    I agree, I have two 2001 Echoes. Not a problem between ‘em that isn’t wear and tear related (flat tires, wheel bearings, brakes). Still get over 30 miles to the gallon.

    My engine light has been on for probably 5 yrs I don’t pay attention to those things after replacing two oxygen sensors on my former saturn for a billion dollars each.

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    If this part doesn’t work out, Ben wants to get rid of the Beast, so that’s my next option. I’ve been researching a lot of cars (I REALLY love SUV’s now, and prefer to stay with one) and I’m leaning towards a Ford Escape because they are good on gas, and that’s about as far as I’ve gotten. I honestly don’t want to get a new car. Such a pain in the ass, but I guess so is fixing one. Sigh.

    [Reply]

    Root 66 Reply:

    Doesn’t a Hyundai come with a 10-year/100,000 mile warranty? Let Hyundai pay for it!

    A buddy of mine had a KIA with the 10 year/100,000 mile deal–good thing, too! He had more miles going up and down on the lift than he did driving it! He broomed it before it got to 100k.

    Personally, I would lean AWAY from Ford…only because I have owned one! The 4-cylinder RAV-4 is better on gas and will last until you’re old and gray!

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    No, it wasn’t covered because I bought it used. The Hyundai warranty doesn’t transfer even though when I bought the car it only had 68000 on it. Figure that shit out. Fuckin’ Hyundai. I’ve been doing a lof of thinking about it, and I think I’m gonna look into leasing a new Kia Soul. Hate all you want, but I’ve fallen in love and it gets good gas mileage AND it will be covered under a Kia warranty, so something good has to come of it right? And the reason I’m thinking to lease is because I barely drive anywhere. I drive 10 miles to work and back every day and that’s about it.

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    First, the Hyundai warranty is marketing genius, how many of us keep a vehicle for ten years?

    Second, I leased once and there was this huge emptyfeeling left in me when I turned the truck in. I din’t go over on miles and the truck was in perfect shape. It just felt like I was giving my truck away.
    Debate amongst yourselves pros and cons, JCIII can tell you all about the ins and outs of leasing vs financing, I know he loves filling out lease paperwork.

    [Reply]

    johnthebasket Reply:

    Could somebody explain briefly the argument for leasing? I’ve never understood the attraction. Since I smokem plenty, I doubt anybody would want a vehicle subsequent to my ownership. But the financial attraction in general escapes me.

    Part of my deal is that I usually keep cars for ten years or more. I change the oil and get the proper maintenance at the proper time. So throughout my life, I’ve only made car payments once, and then only briefly. I guess I’m not an appropriate candidate for leasing, but who the hell is? I’m really curious.

    jtb

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    I used to sell cars l in the late ’80s. High end stuff and mid range too. They’d say…You only pay for the portion of the car you use. Pitch continues by saying…”You can turn this in three years from now and start over with a brand new car. Wouldn’t you like to get a brand ned car every three years? I can do that for you. If you decide to keep this car insted of driving off with a brand new one in three years, I’ll arrange finacing and you cand re-finance your used car or drive off with a new one. You’re making car payments either way so it may as well be on a brand new car…don’t you think?” …etc…etc…etc…”Most people don’t keep their car now adays until it’s paid off any way so you’re always going to be making a car payment any way so it maight as well bo on new. Do realize that after five or six years…you’re still making the same car pament you made when it was new but it’s now five years old? Why do that? Turn it in and drive out new every three years”……..

    The kicker?…the dealer gets full pop $$$ for the car. When you ask him how much you’re paying for the car he’ll tell you there is no “price” because you’re only paying for what you use. Salesmen love a lease. Full load comission plus the backend of the deal from finance and a return customer in three years to do it all again or make bank if they decide to refinance and keep it. An amazing game I am thrilled to have played if only for the knowledge. I was always too nice, a manager once told me and told my customers just what I told you. Couldn’t be “The Car Salesman” and not be upfront with folks who just need to get a good car and a fair deal. It’s what I would expect if I was car shopping. Ya know?…
    sorry that was long winded

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    I actually called around and talked to a few more finance managers at various dealers and got some insight on the whole ordeal. Only one of them was completely honest with me and told me how stupid leasing a car would be. He didn’t pull and crap and try to lure me in there for an appointment, he didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear, just told me that financing would be a much better deal ultimately. I appreciated that. I decided that I am going to fix the Beast after all and hold on to it until it dies for good. Plus, if I lease a car, where am I gonna put all my band stickers I collect from concerts? My car is my friend, and I’d be really sad to see it go. Especially since I just put 4 brand new tires on it.

    [Reply]

    Bill in WV Reply:

    It sounds like the 7th Fetzer valve has gone bad. You need to prepare the valve with some 3-in-one oil and some gauze pads. You’re also gonna need some ball bearings and anti-freeze. Preferably Prestone. No, make that Quaker State.

    [Reply]

    Root 66 Reply:

    Say–you don’t happen to run your own shop do you? I’ll make an appointment tomorrow! :)

    …and Bill, you forgot to mention duct tape–the “Handyman’s Secret Weapon!”

    [Reply]

    johnthebasket Reply:

    Duct tape is extra. For the base price, my former mechanic recommends scotch tape.

    jtb

    [Reply]

    bikerchick Reply:

    If you look “Comcast” up in the dictionary, it’s definition is one word….”Sodomy”.

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    Yeah for real! When I was talking to the girl this morning, I was like ‘My Comcast bill is the second biggest bill I have next to my car payment which is $178 a month. That’s sad”

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    I only have a “TV” that I use as a monitor to play DVDs. I do not nor will not pay for noise. Nothing on “TV” interests me at all. Honest.

    [Reply]

    doctorright Reply:

    Not even C-SPAN?
    It’s a fast-paced thrill ride.

    [Reply]

    bikerchick Reply:

    We fork over $200 to Comcast for Internet, phone and cable to include premium channels HBO, SHOtime, Encore and ?MultiPlex…I think it’s called. TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!!

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    Wow. What ever happen to just flipping on the tv and channel surfing? This world is shit.

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    I bought a digital converter box and a digital an-tenner for under $100. Get’s a half dozen channels or so and four seperate PBS stations, living good o’er here I am.

    [Reply]

    Root 66 Reply:

    Absolutely! The only channels I get are the ones I pull out of the air. We usually watch DVDs anyhow. Who’s got time to watch 500 channels of TV? And who cares if you have ESPN 4 in Spanish…or whatever!!?

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    I’m right there with you. We only have Comcast because it seemed like the smart choice two years ago. They snatch you up by giving you all these sign up discounts and bullshit and 2 years later you are stuck in the Comcast vortex paying anywhere from $115-150 bucks (God forbid you rent a few movies off the OnDemand feature). We just have the basic HD channels and that’s it. No movie channels, no sports channels, nothing. I hate them.

    [Reply]

    Tyrosine Reply:

    The Xbox is prone to overheating, especially if you play for extended periods. Pick up one of those laptop cooling pads, that should help.

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    It’s about 3.5 years old. It actually works again after I let it warm up for a little bit. I let the red rings flash for about 10 minutes, turn it off and on again and it pops back on for a few weeks. I think it’s just getting old. I don’t mind getting a new one, but you can’t transfer the hard drive from the old ones to the new one and I’m ranked up really high on Reach and I’ll have to start all over again. I am truly sad about this.

    [Reply]

    Alex Reply:

    What kind of car? If its a ford, start with cleaning the MAF yourself. If it ain’t a ford, check the maf anyway to see its construction. Some GM’s are accesable as well.

    Isoprpyl alcohol soaked q-tip will do. You want to clean the thin wire that runs across the maf. These things gunk up and throw its readings out the window. Don’t break the wire. =-)

    If that doesn’t float your boat, you can buy an aerosol can of cleaner at the autoparts store just for this task. DO NOT USE BRAKE CLEANER. DO not use anything that leaves behind any film. Zero Residue Contact Cleaner will work as well (zero residue being key here again) if you got some electronic friends that may have a can of this around.
    That done, check your air filter for holes or a poor fit. Stuff sneaking past the filter can and will get the maf wire dirty.

    Alex.

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    It’s a Hyundai Santa Fe 2004. It’s too late, he already ordered the part, but thank you!

    [Reply]

    CBS Reply:

    My ex wife had the exact same car, with the exact same problem. You might be getting screwed, the Fuel temp sensor on that car can cause it to not start and it is a $12 part. However, to get to it you have to remove seats and carpet, so it is mildly labor intensive.

    [Reply]

    Greg Reply:

    For $130, I get 250 channels, 50 in hi-def, phone, and 10 meg broadband from Suddenlink, and the tech support office is located in my hometown, so they all speak English.

    [Reply]

    Doug Reply:

    Change the air filter. In the mean time, pop the air filter housing open to get it to start.

    [Reply]

  19. Thanks for letting me vent.

    [Reply]

  20. By the way, Jeff, sorry about your dilemmas. Hope Andy is ok!

    [Reply]

  21. I’m no Vet but I have a big Lab that is about the same age as Andy. What works for him is adding the liquid Glucosamine to his food 2 times a day. Fixed him right up and got rid of the shimmy he was developing. Worked for Lad 1.0 too… About $18 a bottle at Costco and it lasts for a couple of months.

    [Reply]

  22. Uh “Lab 1.0″

    [Reply]

  23. The built-in microwave over our stove hasn’t worked in I don’t know how long. You can put something in it, and set the timer. The timer just runs down and nothing happens to whatever you put in the microwave. My wife now uses it as a giant kitchen timer. We have the money to replace it, but we’ve gotten used to not having a microwave. So I don’t know. Maybe I’ll replace it soon, maybe not.

    We haven’t had any pets since we’ve been married, but my wife thought it would be a great idea to get a “Fennec Fox”. I have three small children, mind you, and my son isn’t even 2 years old yet. Now we have a goddamned wild animal living in the house with us. He uses a litter pad, because we can’t let him outdoors just yet. Apparently, if we do, he’ll just run and run and run and never come back. He’s a fast little fucker, runs roughly 300 miles per hour. When I woke up this morning he was sitting on my nightstand, his head buried into a half-empty glass of leftover Coke.

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    I just looked up a picture of this little guy, and I’d have to say, aside from a Slow Loris (http://youtu.be/rLdQ3UhLoD4) that is ADORABLE. My parents microwave above their stove hasn’t worked for about 4 years either.

    [Reply]

    Jason Reply:

    Thanks Brit. He’s very cute, that’s for sure. The problem with the slow loris is that they can kill you – no joke. There are some patches on their elbows with poison in them. They lick or chew on those patches, bite you, and you die. With three small kids that’s a no brainer. I got my mother a Santa fe. She loves it. Have fun in New York! You’ve been on the move a lot lately, huh?

    [Reply]

    Alex Reply:

    What a cool little creature you got as a pet.

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    Really? I didn’t know that about them. Looks can be deceiving huh? And Thanks!! We bought tickets to Superball IX (Phish fest) in NY about a month after we got back from Florida. I told Ben that this will be the last trip for awhile. I have to worry about getting my credit straightened out, and I can’t do that if we are constantly traveling. I told him if we do anything next year, it’s gonna be a local show or a trip to the Dells or something for a weekend, cos that’s only about 3.5 hours away from us and we can usually get good deals on a hotel. Plus he just bought a pop-up recently, so we’ll probably be hitting up a few Jellystone’s (Yogi Bears!) in the area, which alleviates spending money (except your gas of course and food for the weekend), but that’s nothing compared to these trips we go on. Especially when there’s something wrong with your car 3 weeks before! But thank you, I’m sure you will see my pics on my Facebook when I get back.

    [Reply]

    Jason Reply:

    I saw pictures of your pop up. I’m looking for one too. I found one that had ac, shower, toilet, etc. but someone bought it out from under me. Bastards.

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    Ben was looking at one with a toilet too, but I don’t know how I feel about that, I think it’s blocked off by a curtain, so everyone can hear you doing your business. I’d rather just go in the woods somewhere. lol

    [Reply]

    Chuck in Belpre Reply:

    Here…build your own:

    http://tinyhouseblog.com/stick-built/jasons-one-of-a-kind-tiny-house/

    [Reply]

  24. All may look gloomy around us, folks, but there could be an N&N update real soon. That should chase the blues away!

    N&N and the Transluscents at an amusement park–ponder all the comedic gold that could ensue!! It almost brings a tear to the eye!

    Maybe we should think of some things that might happen, you know, just to get the ball rolling…

    [Reply]

    Linda Reply:

    The translucents are afraid of fast rides…

    [Reply]

    Root 66 Reply:

    -Nancy requests “Tofu Pups” at the concession stands and goes into a tirade when she finds out they don’t have them!

    [Reply]

    Gretchen Reply:

    Nostrils bazooka-barfs funnel cake into the formally clear waters of the flume ride.

    Sunny overdoses on her “antibiotics” and climbs the giant Ferris wheel under the delusion that she’s King Kong.

    Nancy’s luxuriant armpit pelt gets caught up in the gears of the merry-go-round, causing a small explosion with some casualties.

    Jeff ends up in fetal position under a picnic bench, whimpering about how all this great material came after the publishing of his book.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    When Nosey arrives at the front gate, security calls and warns they should shut down “The Food Gauntlet” or risk the worst display of food fuled psychotic gluttony that has ever been witnessed by mankind.

    [Reply]

    Root 66 Reply:

    Park is evacuated when an employee mistakenly thinks one of the transluscents’ dumps is an electrical fire.

    [Reply]

    Alex Reply:

    Tales of whathisname deep throating corn dogs in an almost indescibable, embarassing to watch only becuase people see you are all there as one groupe, passionate frenzy…

    [Reply]

  25. Broken shit: I’ve had two flat tires in two weeks. My Marshall (all tube from the late 70s) amp head fell off the speaker cabinet at our last drunken practice. I have bronchitis from passing out under the air conditioner in the girl’s apartment. Most importantly, I’m out of beer. I’ll fix that first.

    [Reply]

    icecycle66 Reply:

    Oh no! (I even made the Oh shit face) Is your Marshall head okay?

    [Reply]

    Rat Bastard Reply:

    Not sure — I’m afraid to plug it in and face costly repairs. Maybe after 10 or 12 beers I’ll bite the bullet.

    [Reply]

  26. Dishwasher “ditto”. When ours busted about 4 years ago, I did NOT want to spend the money on another one. you know what? Washing dishes can be cathartic!! It really isnt so bad after awhile.

    And it is a great place to talk – one of you washes, one dries and puts away. Discussion WILL happen even with the kids.

    There are 3 of us – the only time it’s a big pain is on those big celebration meal type days.

    After awhile you wont miss it.

    I dont ebook. How does one pay to get a REAL copy of your book, lol

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    Becki, click on the Kindle link just up there right before the comments start. It’ll take you to the kindle page but there will be a box named formats. Click on paperback and you’re in like flynn or flint, depending on who you believe.

    [Reply]

  27. I feel for you Jeff. Washing dishes by hand SUCKS! I’ve never had the pleasure of owning a dishwasher so I am endowed with “Hag Hands”.

    Our mower broke down last summer so at the end of the year our lawn was looking pretty shabby. I’m sure we were on all our neighbors “prayer request lists”, although none of them offered to let us borrow their mower. We finally got the cash together to buy a new one this spring and now we are “respectable” again.

    My dryer shit the bed several months ago and we haven’t replaced it. I use the clothes line and on those days when it rains I have drying racks. It’s a little more work but hey, when we can afford a new dryer, we’ll get a new dryer.

    I hope Andy will be feeling better soon. I don’t know what I’d do with my Elsa. She’s a great companion.

    Have fun this weekend…hehehehe

    [Reply]

  28. Our dishwasher stopped working a couple of weeks ago. Had all kinds of lights blinking and bipping and wouldn’t start. The husband (the dishwasher is HIS domain) pulled out all the dirty, stinky dishes and I begoddamgrudgingly washed them by hand–stacked in the drain like Rube Goldberg was helping me. Picked one out at the Lowe’s website and nearly hit the complete order button–just couldn’t at the moment. The next day, I walked up, pushed the Heavy Wash button and she went to town like nobody’s bidness. My idea was his belly mashed a buncha buttons at once and put it in some kinda fuck-it mode. Twenty four hours later, right as rain. He swears no way. His belly wouldn’t punch no buttons. Hm.

    Yeah, we been all living high on the hog ’cause it’s “salad days season” for us–we work in agriculture, you know. 70, 80 hours a week right now. All smiling, happy, paying bills left and right, getting ahead. I get my son’s truck insurance renewal email last night–100% increase. Refused a test and open container. Cannot fucking win for losing. Two steps up, six back.

    [Reply]

    Seanette Reply:

    If you don’t mind my asking, why is your son not paying for his own insurance if he’s old enough to be drinking? Let HIM feel the pain of his own choices.

    [Reply]

    squawvalleyskip Reply:

    Your kid is old enough to drive with an open container and refuse a sobriety test and you’re paying his insurance? My 38 year old daughter still complains that I wouldn’t buy her a car when she was a teenager, and my 15 year old granddaughter still thinks(mistakenly) that I’m going to give her my truck when she turns 16. No way in hell I’d pay insurance for any age kid after a stunt like that.

    [Reply]

    Vicki Reply:

    See reply to Seanette. I deserve it all.

    [Reply]

  29. Awwww fuck. Just when I thought things were going cool…my bong just sprang a leak…

    [Reply]

  30. @Vicki, if you don’t mind my asking, why is your son not paying for his own insurance if he’s old enough to be drinking? Let HIM feel the pain of his own choices.

    [Reply]

    Vicki Reply:

    Because he is an only child and I was a piss poor mother so I overcompensate for his sad upbringing and I raised a slacker who still lives at home and sucks at his mama’s teat at every opportunity because his mama is spineless and loves him to excess.

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    I can’t help but chuckle at your brutal honesty.

    [Reply]

    Seanette Reply:

    That’s a lot harsher than anything I was even close to thinking, and I really hope I didn’t sound that way!

    [Reply]

    Vicki Reply:

    Nah, that’s just me kicking myself in the ass every time I walk by it. It makes me a touch touchy.

    [Reply]

    CADude Reply:

    We had to use a spatula to get our 2nd son out of the house a couple of years ago. It’s around somewhere–wanna borrow it?

    [Reply]

    t-storm Reply:

    I’ve often wondered how you parents do it.
    My brother is 21 and has moved back home. You can kick them out but if they have no support structure then what happens?
    I left home at 18 and I haven’t been back.

    [Reply]

  31. Could someone please delete the above? I had trouble with Reply, but got it working, so the comment is where it should have been and this is a dupe. Thanks!

    [Reply]

  32. After reading all these entries, I’m thankful that my dishwasher is located at the ends of my arms! We’ve never had a dishwasher, and no, I’m not one of those people who becomes righteously indignant about owning one, but we’ve just never seen the need for it.
    I tend to agree with ‘Becki’–it’s a great place to talk after meals!

    [Reply]

    t-storm Reply:

    My dishwasher was at the end of my arms once, she’ll never make that mistake again.

    [Reply]

    Bill in WV Reply:

    Jeff Foxworthy’s definition of loading the dishwasher – getting his wife drunk.

    [Reply]

  33. Jeff, try pouring a couple teaspoons of gas directly into the carburetor of the mower or give it a shot of ether. If it starts and runs that out it gives you a starting point to begin troubleshooting. Dirt in the carb, or broken/blocked fuel line are the most common problems I’ve had with mowers not running. And I’m mowing/weedeating a couple of our 5 acres here. Also, one of our dogs, a 130 pound pit bull/mastiff mix has bad hips. We give her 500m of glucosamine, one aspirin and half a generic antacid(to help prevent stomach issues from the aspirin) every day and she gets around pretty good. Of course between her and the 90 pound pt/boxer mix with cancer we’ve spent a few grand on vet bills over he years, including the couple hundred every three weeks for the blood test and chemo pills, but it’s just the two of us and the dogs now so we aren’t hurting too bad for once in our lives.

    [Reply]

  34. I thought I was the last person in America still washing dishes by hand.

    Hope Andy feels better. Our dog, age approx 17-18, is struggling but always cheerful. We’ve nicknamed her Maw Maw after Cloris Leachman’s character in Raising Hope. Bless her.

    [Reply]

  35. My Gulfstream is in the shop and I’m going to have fly commercial to Greece for my summer holiday. First class my ass! This shit never ends.

    [Reply]

    sunshine_in_va Reply:

    Greece is going bankrupt. Stay the fuck away from there!

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    So is the good ol’ USA!

    [Reply]

    sunshine_in_va Reply:

    Touche!

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    I thought I was going to pick you up at Lunken and now it’s the bus station? The fuck dude?

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    Don’t bother, it’s only a mile walk from the bus station to the ballpark.

    Is this the right level.

    http://mlb.mlb.com/ballparks/stadium_maps.jsp?c_id=cin

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    Oh shit, it defaults back Terrace level. You were talking about view level correct? And if you click the the food box it shows a beer mug behind home.
    I’m such a ticket snob I’ve never been off the terrace level. I guess working for an employer with good season tickets has its rewards.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    Actually man…I’ll probably be at the ballpark around 3pm or so. I beat the traffic into town.that way There’ a bar right across the street from the main entrance to the ballpark called…”The Holy Grail”. I’ll make sure I’ll be there from 5 ‘o clock on. That’s the best place to meet and not worry about this level or that level. I have season tickets too so I get in the park early if I want but I thought this would be best and we’ll go from there. Ok?

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    Sounds good, I’ve heard good things about the bar. I’m thinking we’ll be there around 5:30 depending on traffic. How bad is it getting into downtown from the north around 5, we’ll be on 75?

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    Traffic going in (I’m coming from the north I-71 25 miles out) ain’t all that bad. Besides…you”re on the way to a Yankees, Reds game. Life is good.

    [Reply]

  36. Blower fan is out on the Mighty Chrysler. It isn’t the fan but the resistor the fan plugs into. $150 bucks for a new one. That much for a part the size of a book of matches. And the damn thing has developed a pull to the right. I need to trade it off.

    No dishwasher…Chinette for the win.

    This morning I found some blood on the TP. Probably just a stray hemorrhoid. But with my luck the inside of my colon looks like I swallowed a sleeve of Top-Flites.

    This weekend is the Mutli-Cultural Festival in Parkersburg. Just what I want to do in 90 degree heat…watch some Krishnas beat on drums or some Chippewas dancing in a circle like they are being tazed.

    [Reply]

    madz1962 Reply:

    Chuck, I don’t mean to laugh at your misfortune but “But with my luck the inside of my colon looks like I swallowed a sleeve of Top-Flites” had me in friggin stictches.

    THEN – to add to my humor “some Chippewas dancing in a circle like they are being tazed.” had me wiping my eyes.

    Funny writing. Sad circumstances.

    [Reply]

    t-storm Reply:

    multi cultural? Parkersburg?

    That’s like saying reasonable bitch.

    [Reply]

    Greg Reply:

    Stay the fuck away from that awful imitation of the Charleston Multifest. It can’t hold a candle. If we ever got together, I’d tell you some stories about Gene Donaway, the originator, that would freak you totally out.

    [Reply]

    bikerchick Reply:

    Chuck: I had to look up “Top Flites”….then laughed like hell. I know nadda about golf, except now.

    Maybe you just were a little to aggressive with the wiping. Or your TP is made of plywood. Either way, I hope all is well.

    “….Chippewas dancing in a circle like they are being tazed.”…..now I need to go wipe…funny!!

    [Reply]

    Root 66 Reply:

    “Don’t taze me, Kemosabe!”

    [Reply]

    Bill in WV Reply:

    A tazer’d squaw. Now, that’s funny.

    [Reply]

  37. You did it Jeff….my lawnmower has been working great over the past 7 years. I read your post today, go out to cut the grass, and an\fter a coupla passes, it shits the bed.
    Bad mojo from this site lately I tell ya, bad mojo.

    [Reply]

    CADude Reply:

    Yeah, Joe T. I’m seriously worried about my dishwasher now.
    I hope she doesn’t leave me. With the recession and all, I don’t think I can afford a divorce.

    [Reply]

    johnthebasket Reply:

    Dude…

    Alex, above, suggests you “check your air filter for holes or a poor fit”. I once lost a dishwasher due to a poor fit. I THINK he was talking about a dishwasher. Just trying to help.

    best as always…

    jtb

    [Reply]

  38. Microwave not been working for about 2 years now..my wife is threatening to buy a new one so I might have to look at getting it fixed pronto! Chilled water dispenser on Fridge stopped working, ice maker still works though?! Weed wacker won’t start, I borrow my cousins! Someone side swiped my wifes car and did $4k damage, luckily the young girl came back and told her so covered by insurance. Oldest dog snores like a mofo so has been banished to the family room to sleep, my wife was going out of her mind when he slept in our room! It was like some kind of torture theyd use at Guantanmo (spelling?) School fees are due. Gotta replace carpet in bedroom due to leaky shower in ensuite – arguing with builder as we speak! That’ll do for now!!
    Jeff if we all chipped in say $5 to your beer fund could you use that to sort out some of your issues? I know I’d be happy to do that just as a small thanks for all the laughter you’ve provided over the years. ANyone else?

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    You can get a new microwave for about $80, I doubt anyone can fix the old one for that.

    Man, I need to buy Jeff a beer but my PayPal account is still fucked up.

    Okay, after I typed that last line I said fuggit and brokie down and sent PP the files they needed to resolve my account. Soon as I hear back I’ll buy the man a beer. Maybe a case.

    [Reply]

    Stuart Reply:

    Yeah right….you obviously don’t know my wife…she’s got her eye on a Microwave/steamer combo or some such. Whatever it is it won’t be cheap! Plus it’s gotta fit into a cubby hole in our kitchen and have a stainless trim around it..much easier to fix the old one!

    Good onya for the beer donation too!

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    Yeah I sometimes forget some of you guys get tied down with the fairer sex and simple things get less simple.

    Anywho, thanks for the prompt, beers are bought for the fearless leader (it’s officially a cult) and I’ll be spending the rest of my workday shopping on ebay.

    [Reply]

    BoMama Reply:

    Just bought Jeff a case of yueling.
    Because, well…the man needs a few beers.

    [Reply]

    jim britton Reply:

    Beer donation sent!

    [Reply]

    fryguy Reply:

    I have fixed microwaves before by taking off the case and looking for blown fuses. If you know an electrician they should be able to easily find it. otherwise it’s probably a bad magnatron and not worth fixing.

    if you have ANYTHNG electric that isn’t working try turning off the power to it, leave it set and turn it back on. most appliances have electronic circuit boards in them and they get locked up, this method clears the board and lets it reboot.

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    You might want to just buy a new one. You can get them pretty cheap if you look in the right places. My parents microwave hasn’t worked for years (The overhanging one above the stove) and the part to fix it is more than the temporary replacement microwave they ended up buying. Granite, it’s a smaller one, and not stainless steel and high tech or whatever like the old one, but it gets the job done and they don’t complain. No one even notices they have two microwaves in the kitchen. It was kind of funny at first though because guests would come over and put something in the microwave and it would come out cold. Actually, I think that was me that did that, but anyway…

    [Reply]

  39. Done, $7 Beer Donated…enjoy in good health Jeff! Or put it towards a new dishwasher or hound medicine or whatever, just keep writing!

    Cheers

    [Reply]

  40. Everything always seems to fall apart at once, at least in my house. We had a rough month earlier in the year. The spring broke on the garage door, our roof was damaged in a storm, and our master bathroom shower started leaking into the kitchen.

    All of that happened the day after we got our tax return. Bye bye extra money!

    [Reply]

    Seanette Reply:

    My tax refund was already earmarked before I even filed. (bleep), transmissions are expensive!

    [Reply]

  41. I got 99 house problems, but a deck ain’t one of them. #1 on my list is to rebuild my grand staircase. 2 is to jack up and fix my porch.

    For your deck I would jack it up using a bottle jack and a fence post. Then I would dig around the post, fill it with concrete, let it set and release the jack.

    Whoever came out is trying to hose you. I would charge like $50 and the cost of a couple of bags of concrete for that.

    I have done the dishwasher as a drying rack before it does suck the fire of 1000 suns.

    For lawnmower repair I would check craigslist or your phone book for small engine repair. http://preview.tinyurl.com/3nyvybo

    [Reply]

  42. I’m about a week early, but I’m gonna just go ahead and say “fuck the yankees”.

    House ain’t broke but the AC at work is. I’m glad I work nights, it was 97 deg here in OKC today and when you work at the airport you work on a giant black heat source.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    t-storm…as you know I’ll be there on the 20th. Sis showed uo today and said she copped us some tickets for the 22nd for my bd present. I’ll pass the message along for you.

    [Reply]

    t-storm Reply:

    I wanted to go but can’t afford the flight to CVG right now. Bleah.

    [Reply]

  43. WB is on a Marshawn Lynch roll today.

    [Reply]

  44. Our dog had a couple of growths removed recently. One in her mouth was cancer. We got her from the pound 14 yrs ago and she is a great mutt. The vet recommended a specialist, which my wife too her to see.

    She wants $1400 for initial treatment. Then $150 a week for 6 months. After that they will see if it needs to continue at the $150 clip or if it is gone. If we don’t treat it, they give the dog six months.

    I told the wife and kids to start saying their goodbyes cause we are not the Kardashians.

    Of course they all hate me now, but that comes with being the husband and father I guess.

    [Reply]

    bikerchick Reply:

    Phil: That just completely sucks. It’s sad choices like that have to be made. And even if you fork over all that money, there’s still no guarantee. My heart goes out to your pup.

    [Reply]

    Bill in WV Reply:

    Sorry about your pooch. They are like kids and it’s tough to say goodbye.

    [Reply]

  45. I just had to shell out for a new dishwasher, and I found a Whirlpool at Lowe’s for $269. According to a magazine article on the subject (I think Ladies Home Journal, so obviously it’s the troof), all name brand dishwashers clean equally, the extra money is for bells and whistles.

    As for what’s wrong in my own life, well, I’m not looking forward to work tomorrow. A year ago my boss and several coworkers and I were at a conference. I supposedly said something that branded me as a racist. I didn’t intend it that way, and my coworkers were a bit confused about what I might have said that could have been taken that way. According to Boss, though, I practically recited Mein Kampf. But, everyone has an opinion, blah blah blah. The next week at work, I was called in to my boss’ office and given hell for being such a lowlife piece of shit in her presence. Now, I was off the clock, in a public place, so as far as I’m concerned I should have been able to stand on the table and strip if the mood struck me (that mood rarely hits, though). I didn’t, nor did I say anything that was intended in anyway to be a criticism of any race, including my own. My coworkers both swear that I didn’t say anything inappropriate. Still, I got in trouble at work. So, forward to today. We were back on the same subject in the break room (breastfeeding and WIC) and my witness coworker says, “Hey, remember when we talked about this at the lunch and you got in so much trouble?” Coworker B says, “What are you talking about?” Witness for the defense fills her in, and I say “Yeah, and she dragged me into her office and called me a racist!” And then I hear behind me, “Well, to clarify, M said…” from my boss. By the way, I NEVER said what she insists I did. The one time the useless witch actually walks on the unit, this is what she hears. So now, I figure I’ll get reprimanded AGAIN. Witness Coworker has been begging my forgiveness for even bringing it up, and it’s okay, but now I get to dread it and wonder if it will go to my boss’ boss this time.

    [Reply]

    t-storm Reply:

    Maybe we’re all racist today, a lot of people have been talking about their white goods (damn, that could be an anthony wiener joke if that jerk hadn’t quit on us).

    [Reply]

    Ant'ny Weiner Reply:

    I get the joke.

    I been talkin ’bout ma white weiner.

    But have you seen the new movie
    Super * Weiner*

    in inches

    Or “The Green Weiner”?

    [Reply]

    Huey Newton' ghost. Reply:

    Ain’t no thang as white goods.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    My god…boss’ boss gives me a full body shiver and a valve just locked up that may take days to open. I can’t imagine having to work…aka earn a buck…under that kind of setting. I’d rather push around a hot dog cart than put up with that kinda shit.

    [Reply]

    bikerchick Reply:

    That’s where I’m at with my office. My office manager which is the doctors wife, could fuck up a cup of coffee. The drama she creates is pushing me over the edge. That hot dog cart sounds great…

    [Reply]

    madz1962 Reply:

    Man, it sounds like that “No tolerance” bullshit and they won’t even allow you to explain yourself. Scream “Freedom of Speech” and tell thme to back the fuck off.

    [Reply]

    Jason Reply:

    Thank God I’m the boss around here. We had one little whiney fuck, Kurt, who was always coming in “offended”. He’s no longer here. So everyone is free to be free. Nobody goes off the deep end or anything, but fuck, saying something like “midget” or “black guy” isn’t something to get all worked up about.

    I couldn’t stand to be in a position where I had to tip-toe around for fear of “offending” some little bitch. God bless you guys, I don’t know how you do it.

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    Bikerchick, that sounds exactly like my work. The boss’s wife is always stirring up drama in the office, and the part that pisses us off most is that she is NEVER there. Maybe once every 3 months, she ‘graces us with her presence’. Be that as it may, she can manage to stir up shit by simply calling the office. We just recently hired a new receptionist, who God forbid, does not know what this woman sounds like and has never met her. She called the front desk and asked for one of the other girls, so I heard the receptionist say, “Sure, but she’s on the phone right now, so it’s going to be a little bit, is that ok?…Ok thanks.” And put her on hold. But, since she is the queen, she refuses to hold. She just hangs up and calls back. So the receptionist put her on hold again, but this time, she hung up and called our office supervisor who had gone home sick that day with bad migraine. She made him come back into the office to repremand the staff for ‘keeping her on hold’! We were all just looking to one another like WTF is happening? She’s so adamant about making sure we pick up every phone call and talk to the students, but she will sit at home and prank call our phones to make sure we are answering them and call for pointless conversation. All the while, we’ve missed 6 or 7 phone calls. When our supervisor came back in, he advised my coworker to call the Queen and talk to her. So she did, and the Queen just wasted 5 or 6 minutes of her time to ask her 100 pointless questions about why she was keeping her on hold. So, she wants us to put the caller on hold and talk to her instead for 5 minutes? WTF? Should we just roll out a red carpet for her when she comes to the office too? She was on our case for awhile another time because when she randomly stopped into the office every 3 months, we didn’t look ‘happy enough’ and ‘greet her with big smiles’ when she walked in. Probably beause we are all WORKING and not paying attention to the front door. That’s why we have a receptionist, to greet people, and direct calls and what not if we aren’t available. So, I think it’s safe to say that I understand how you feel. If I didn’t have so many bills, I’d have gotten up and walked out 10 times by now.

    [Reply]

    Greg Reply:

    Holy Shit, Brittney! I don’t know how you put up with that shit. Does she actually work there, or is hubby just letting her do whatever she wants to do? Sounds like your supervisor, or something. To me, that constitutes a hostle work environment.

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    It’s kind of like a tree if you will. There’s the president of the company and his wife (the queen), underneath him is our office supervisor and then us girls. Trust me, we’ve all learned to deal with it, we honestly just try to laugh it off now because we’re so tired of it. If we didn’t laugh, our heads would explode with frustration. It does create a very hostile work environment, and they don’t understand that. I think they think we are all just tempermental because we are locals (American) or something (they are of Indian heritage, if that explains anything). It must just be a cultural clashing or something, and I don’t mean to sound racist, but I can’t think of any other explaination of why us girls are always wrong, even though we never are. If that makes sense. We all work hard and do our jobs, but it’s never good enough.

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    I just realized I said it was like a tree, and my explaination was just like every job. I apologize for my ignorant explaination lol.

    [Reply]

  46. Jeff,
    A book suggestion, and I might have suggested this before Knockemstiff by Donald Ray Pollack.
    It’s about an f’d up town in ohio and actually some of A Convenience Story belongs in the book, at least some of the characters. It’s pretty dark but is funny in a creepy way.
    In high school me and my buddies (Ryan and Bryan) took a late night field trip to Knockemstiff and Kinnickinnick, it was a strange night. I don’t really belive in ghosts but I think we saw one.
    9.99 on kindle, 11.16 in real book mode.

    That was way off topic but what the hell, I’m crazy from the heat.

    [Reply]

  47. My goldfish is ‘on the blink’.
    Its swimming on its side and rolling over, which would be really cool if it was a part of a synchronised team, but him just doing it on his own looks really sad.
    My wee boy is devastated.
    I called the shop and the treatment costs twice as much as the fish!
    Am I wrong to consider an end to the aquatic dance moves and buying a new fish?

    [Reply]

  48. Did you gap the spark plug for the lawnmower?

    [Reply]

  49. Three things: one, check Craigslist for under-employed repair guys for the deck, the mower, the dishwasher. There are some great fix-it guys who need side jobs (just make sure you check references).

    Two, my 11-year-old Rottweiler was limping around, so I finally lugged him to the vet only to find out he had bone cancer…in a toe! Toe is off, he’s healing (slowly, because he seems to love chewing out stitches…and then staples…and then the super-wrap that replaced those). Our vet is awesome though – he comes out to the curb in front of his office and removes the old wrap, checks the wound, sprays it with iodine and re-wraps in in about 32 seconds flat, gratis.

    Three, I quit my crappy $10/hour, part-time, gutwrenching, toothclenching job yesterday. It still hasn’t fully dawned on me yet, although I did wake up today without my customary jaw-ache.

    And there’s my news-dump!

    [Reply]

  50. Brittney,
    Naw, no dish, we have cable. We have 4 televisions on cable, no boxes or anything like that. And I told you wrong. My better 2/3′s pointed out to me this morning that we only paid $90 per month for about 6 months, then it went up to $130 per month. Who knew?

    I have about 100 channels. I don’t watch all that much television. But I’ve been thinking about getting HBO, Showtime, etc. And one of those things that records shows for you. I stopped working a second job at night, so now we get bored and would like to watch more shows.

    [Reply]

  51. I mentioned this previously, but with all that’s gone on for you it may have been missed.

    Our dishwasher went on the fritz and wouldn’t run awhile back. Turns out debris had built up and stalled the motor. If you pull out the dishwasher a little ways, down on the lower side will be the motor(mine is lower left front). With the washer off(no need to turn electric off or disconnect any lines), take a screwdriver or similar device and spin the fan-like blades of the motor. It should be pretty exposed and easy to see. This helps to dislodge whatever might be holding the motor up. Apparently they aren’t very strong motors and it doesn’t take much to stall them.

    You shouldn’t need to make a bunch of revolutions turning it, just a few short spins usually does the trick.

    Not pre-rinsing dishes very good lets larger food stuff build up and clogs the motor from turning(thanks teenager in our case).

    This may not help at all, but it’s 5 minutes of effort that, in our case, was the difference between blowing a wad of money on a new washer and realizing there was little wrong with ours.

    Hope it helps!

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    People that don’t prerinse their dishes before putting them in the dishwasher really bother me. The food just stirs up and settles onto other dishes. At work dishes are just randomly thrown into the sink (no dishwasher) without being rinsed. This includes salad dishes (ranch, bleu cheese, you get the idea), stuff that contained sour cream, yogurt, or milk products. The other day, I rinsed the dishes and filled the sink with hot soapy water to soak them so myself or a coworker could do them later. In the meantime, someone had thrown yet another plate in the water without rinsing it first, so the next morning when I went in, the entire side of the sink that was soaking the dishes smelled like sour milk, and had attracted various bugs to the stench. Lucky for me, I had to empty the sink and stick my hand in that shit. On the bright side, I earn $30 bucks every Friday morning for cleaning the office (that I also work in) for 1.5 hours a week, so I guess it was worth it.

    [Reply]

  52. And speaking of dishwashres…

    http://brokensecrets.com/

    [Reply]

    madz1962 Reply:

    Hmmm flip flops that have been walking around on digusting sidewalks and filthy store floors. And hair brushes. Yeah – I always wanted a ball of hair near the plates I eat off.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    Yeah…and who the hell was the first person to decied to cook salmon in the diswasher? That’s pretty messed pu.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    crap…UP!

    [Reply]

  53. You all think YOU have problems?? Welcome to Pittsburgh, PA:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7zalfBjaFU

    [Reply]

    madz1962 Reply:

    Crack is whack!

    If this had happened in NYC a) a messenger would have run into her. B) the bus would not have stopped C) the chick in pink running up to take pictures would have been pummeled D) there would have been a nun or 3 in the foreground.

    [Reply]

    bikerchick Reply:

    This just happened last night! It was all over the news….which is exactly what she wanted. Fucking idiot. I love how her flip flop slippers were left right in the middle of the road!

    [Reply]

    madz1962 Reply:

    Clearly a gal whose elevator doesn’t make it to the top floor. The fact that they put it on the news means the next whacko is going to have to “one uo” her. Probably get hit by a Honda Civic in the process.

    [Reply]

  54. I just clicked on the Knoebels link. I am so jealous – that place looks so damn charming and old fashioned. Hope you had a blast, Jeff – and a couple of Nnacy stories would really be the icing!

    [Reply]

  55. I don’t see anything wrong with that.

    [Reply]

    doctorright Reply:

    I meant that as a reply to bikerchick.
    Only I didn’t hit reply.
    That is all.

    [Reply]

    bikerchick Reply:

    Now THAT’S a problem!

    [Reply]

    doctorright Reply:

    One of many, many.

    [Reply]

  56. Good Afternoon Surf Reporters….

    just popping by to see if there was any mention of recent she-nancy-gans…

    will remain patient….

    [Reply]

  57. Where are my damned N&N scores?

    [Reply]

  58. We’re having a surprise 60th Bday party for my boyfriends father tomorrow. A bunch of guys are taking him on a ride…aka a big sausage fest with motorcycles….then, back at the bar (the Ranch) for the party. Beer, Booze, Food. Should be a good time. Hope the rain holds off. Everyone invited..

    [Reply]

    madz1962 Reply:

    Sounds like FUN! I’ll raise a glass tomorrow in his honor. (to hell with tomorrrow – I’ll start later on!)

    So far, my weekend thrill includes a trip to this cool, funky diner tonight where I intend to gorge on a patty melt platter.

    [Reply]

    Bill in WV Reply:

    Firm sponsored party at the WV Power game tonight on the Party Deck. Free everything. Look the hell out.

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    The local do-gooders club is having a deal called Day in the Park. Starts at 1 with a cruise in, so I’ll have to help my neighbor shuttle some of his cars up there if the rain holds out. Then they set up a bunch of the inflatable bouncy toys for the kids. At 4 is when the real fun starts; dodgeball tournement. Watch a bunch of people past their athletic prime try to recapture some high school glory. I sit contently on the sideline with a cold beverage listening to hamstrings pop.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    Awww crap. I’m almost as old as your boyfriend’s father? I thought I had a shot until I read that.

    [Reply]

    madz1962 Reply:

    My husband is older than bikerchicks, boyfriend’s father. Christ, I feel decrepit now.

    [Reply]

    Gretchen Reply:

    I could be wrong, but I seem to remember that Bikerchick is dating a man who is younger than her. Which is awesome.

    [Reply]

    bikerchick Reply:

    dto: Anything is possible…never say never! Gretchen is correct…my boyfriend is 16 years younger than me. Funny thing is…his dad is only 12 years older than I am. Its a running joke that everyone just loves.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    Yeah…if you were to tell him you had to go to Taos, New Mexcio for a week or two on a buying trip…he’d buy it? Actually….I do know where the real artists that make/sell the real “Southwest Jewlery” are. Not the bullshit Dillards stuff. The real stuff. Honest. I have a bear claw belt buckle signed piece that’s amazing made long ago. I wear it and always get a comment. Just one more reson to look at my crotch I guess.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    awww crap…I didn’t address that to bikerchick.

    [Reply]

    johnthebasket Reply:

    I confess I have never heard the term “sausage fest”. Yes, I have led a provincial life — why do you ask, Dog With Boner?

    jtb

    [Reply]

  59. Hey folks….go to mockable. …..just sayin’

    http://mockable.org/

    [Reply]

    AngryWhiteGuy Reply:

    Are there hot Russian women there who will look like “Throw Momma From The Train” in about…..two weeks?

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    No it’s safe to enter.

    [Reply]

    johnthebasket Reply:

    AWG…

    I see you are a fan of tATu. Wow, how would you like to sing for the Russian mob?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRyxYM3rpFs&playnext=1&list=PLC6A411E22F56C493

    jtb

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    Here’s the deal folks…I wrote today’s guest mock and the boys thought it worthy. Go over ther and read it….mmmkk? You can tell me to keep my day job when I get one if you want or whatever. …mmmmkk?

    (fuck…it’s like I starved for attention I guess).

    [Reply]

    doctorright Reply:

    Very smooth read. It rendered me daft. Well, more daft.
    I love chickens.

    You looked killer in the picture, by the way.

    [Reply]

    Jason Reply:

    I read it. I’ve got a big smile on my face. Then again, I’ve been huffing paint.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    Thanks Jason. Let me know when you write one. I’m more into modle airplane glue and want to be ready.

    [Reply]

    Ed Reply:

    Good stuff! BTW, Jason has a mockable back there somewhere, and, of course, it’s hilarious.

    [Reply]

    Jason Reply:

    I only did one. Under my moniker, of course. Here it is if you’d like to read it.

    http://mockable.org/friday-guest-mock-duh-lie-luuuuuh/

    [Reply]

  60. Well, I don’t get out much, so I’m probably the last guy to notice this national sensation, but in case one of you hasn’t heard/seen this, here’s Samuel Jackson reading Amazon’s #1 best seller, “Go the Fuck to Sleep”…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGDm45niITI

    jtb

    [Reply]

  61. And from the Casey Anthony trial:

    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2011/06/17/2011-06-17_casey_anthony_murder_trial_brawl_breaks_out_among_people_waiting_in_line_hoping_.html

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    WTF? First Vancouver now Forida, I think white people are losing their minds.
    I’m 1% black and I’m changing my status to African American until you crackers straighten’ the fug up!

    [Reply]

    johnthebasket Reply:

    WB…

    I feel your pain, brother. I used to measure myself 8% Black, but my dipstick has foreshortened in the direction of motion in my dotage, so I can’t measure accurately any more. Actually, I guess this condition would argue for more white and less Black. Time hurries on.

    jtb

    [Reply]

  62. The 700 WLW afternoon guys were making fun of this product this afternoon. I think it was inspired by weinergate.
    http://www.happyhotdogman.com/

    [Reply]

  63. Brittney…

    Is Comcast your only choice? If so, I guess you just have to Ben Dover. If not, why are you sending so much money to a company you hate?

    I am fortunate to live in an area where the same people who send me electricity and water send me cable TV and broadband Internet access. Inexpensive, reliable, and in the rare case of a problem, everyone I need to speak to lives in my town.

    Anyway, Brittney, I feel for you. “We love the things we love for what they are.”

    jtb

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    I have terrible credit, and when I signed up with Comcast I had the money at the time to pay the security deposit. Now if I try to switch to AT&T, they will make me pay $150 bucks on top of the first months bill, which will be about $100. So I’m stuck with them right now unfortunately. My boyfriend is willing to put the At&t under his name, but he already has our house, our cell phones, my car, a few credit cards and his own car under his name, and since I need a co-signer for everything, I just don’t feel right asking him or expecting him to do that. It seems silly being that it’s just for cable, but I guess I’m just tired and annoyed with my own past mistakes and having to rely on him for things like that. I really wish that when my parents explained to me when I was younger about ruining my credit score, I would have listened. Stupid 18 year old + credit card = Brittney ruining her credit for years. I’m confident that I will get it straightened out eventually, but it’s just a slow process when you have a fixed income. The only time I get more money is tax season, so this year, I’ve made it my goal that the money I get back is going straight to Citibank.

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    Just to clarify though, I do pay all of my own bills ;)

    [Reply]

  64. I should have put the some beef out on the patio…maybe some fish. With all the smoke billowing over my place now I could have some kick ass jerky when it’s all over.

    [Reply]

    t-storm Reply:

    I once had some beef on my piano, afterward it smelt.

    [Reply]

  65. Now when someone tells you to eat shit it might come with a side of fries:

    http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2011/06/17/japanese-scientists-create-meat-from-poop/?test=faces

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    I’ll pass.

    [Reply]

  66. Never liked the idea of leasing, too restrictive and you get fucked on the back end.

    [Reply]

  67. Talk about fucked on the back end… the Orioles are stabbing me repeatedly.
    Do any of you guys watch this shit? Just me?
    Soul sucking.
    Back to my hovel…

    [Reply]

    doctorright Reply:

    Heh.
    Didn’t think so. 10-4.
    Keep dat shit to myself…

    [Reply]

  68. One quick car sales story before the new update. when I was in ‘cars sales training’ Cahrlie told us to go to a car lot and pretend we wanted to buy a car. Do it at three or four lots and see how the salesman/gal (they love to send out a hot chick on a dude) does their thing. One of the guys in the training class ended up buyiung a car. I shit you not. Charlie just said…”You ran into a real salesman”.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    ***Folks…I don’t know what it is with me lately and shit spelling/typing but I will try and clean that up for you guys. My fuckit button isn’t worth a fuck!

    [Reply]

  69. This site gives me a boner

    [Reply]

  70. Sounds like brit and awg should get together and go bowling

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    I’d rather have a beer.

    [Reply]

  71. My last night’s comment were rude and I blame everything on bad influences and the fact…”I’m full of shit”. I will resume being a gentleman at all times.

    [Reply]

  72. I am cursed with a jukebox head that plays songs whether I stick a quarter up my ass or not. Some of the songs are enough to make me drive my Odyssey into a concrete freeway barrier. Others, like the one playing at 0458 on Fathers’ Day are too lovely not to share — at least in part…

    .
    A love struck Romeo, sings in the streets a serenade
    Laying everybody low, with a love song that he made
    Finds a street light, steps out of the shade
    Says something like, “You and me babe, how about it?”

    Juliet says, “Hey it’s Romeo, you nearly gave me a heart attack”
    He’s underneath the window, she’s singing, ‘Hey la, my boyfriend’s back
    You shouldn’t come around here, singing up at people like that’
    Anyway, what you gonna do about it?

    Juliet, the dice were loaded from the start,
    And I bet, then you exploded in my heart,
    And I forget, I forget, the movie song
    When you gonna realize, it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?

    .
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMjrp6qm-iI

    .
    To all the dads and to Jeff in particular, have a romantic and relaxing Fathers’ Day.

    jtb

    [Reply]

  73. I feel like someone just kicked me in the gut.

    RIP, Mr. Clarence Clemons.

    [Reply]

    Chuck in Belpre Reply:

    Never was much of a Springsteen fan but Mr. Clemons was a talented individual. He will be missed.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    Same here. My buddy has been the sax player for 30+ years years with the Van Dells and he still hits the road and I always tell him to make sure you enjoy every second you’re standing behind your horn. I’m sure Mr. Clemons did. I met him once in passing. Always the class man. I think I’ll get a reed from my buddy and burn it Clarence’s hionor tonoght. Kinda pagan thing but it’s from my heart.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    update…my buddy just stopped by and gave me a box of his used Rico Royal #3 Tenor Sax reeds. Honest! (why he keeps them…he doesn’t even understand). I’m off to build my pyre to Clarence.

    [Reply]

    chill Reply:

    Yeah, why would you keep those? Probably the same reason I keep old hard drives. But at least the old reeds are good for something. RIP CC.

    I’d take a #1.5 or 2, but it depends on what kind of sound you’re after.
    .

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    Hey chill..knowing Brian for as long as I have I’m not suprised he doesn’t have names for his reeds. I love the guy…as I only deal in wackos.

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    …that should say…”I am suprised….”…crap!

    [Reply]

  74. Happy fathers day to all you surfin’ fathers:)

    [Reply]

  75. Dishwasher – ours went bad a few months ago. Buy one for $300 and replace it yourself. I’m in no way the most mechanically inclined person and it took me about an hour including taking the old one out. Use the same connections the old one used. The only thing you have to do is connect a few wires using a screwdriver, hook up the hose going in and the drain going out and put in a few screws to fasten it to the bottom of your counter.

    Mower – get the cheapest model you can that comes with a Honda engine. Ours starts on the first pull every time and I admit I don’t take care of it.

    [Reply]

  76. That’s it for me folks. I’m off to meet up with WB at the ballpark tomorrow and then on to packing and shutting this current life down to get on with my next one. Sorry I’ve been so yak yakkity on here as of late. I’m gonna bow out for a good while and catch you guys from Taos in about a week or so. Play safe everyone and thanks for letting me be a part of all this.

    [Reply]

    chill Reply:

    Safe travels. Enjoy the game.

    I’ve only ever played alto and soprano; maybe I’ll rent a tenor for a little bit and see how it goes.
    .

    [Reply]

  77. Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..

    dying here for an update!

    [Reply]

    AngryWhiteGuy Reply:

    Since, obviously, no one cares about my thousands of dollars worth of repairs needed, or what’s pissing me off, or my opinions on things, you can thank your lucky stars I won’t be posting them today.

    There must be a reason there is only 7 updates in 22 days, and I bet Jeff has some good stuff on the way. “That’s gold, Jerry!”

    Hang tight–it’s on the way, I’m sure.

    [Reply]

  78. However, you CAN read the KFC Bowl review again, right no, in WVSR Classic

    [Reply]

  79. Ryan from Jackass dead. That’s two, whose next?

    [Reply]

    madz1962 Reply:

    That was one brutal death.

    Kids, don’t drink and drive.

    [Reply]

  80. Awg I’ve always loved your bullshit so pull your head out of your ass stop feeling sorry for yourself and start being angry again. Pussy.

    [Reply]

  81. DId I seem like that to you? Sorry for the misinterpretation. I’m angrier than I have ever been and ready to take a few people out with me.

    “Pussy”? Whatever, man. Too early to be drinking.

    [Reply]

    t-storm Reply:

    Not when today is my sunday . I’m calling you out because you went munt and got all weepy shmeepy on us. Honestly if you had a page Id read it daily. Like the bob evans tales

    [Reply]

    t-storm Reply:

    Just busting your angry white balls

    [Reply]

  82. Glad you like the Bob Evans stuff. Jeff can put it back up there if he wants to.

    As far as the “weepy shmeepy” stuff. I don’t have a clue what you are talking about.

    [Reply]

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So, who is this guy?

Thanks for stopping by! My name is Jeff Kay, I was born while JFK was president, and it's all very embarrassing and corny. Today I'm a suburban husband and father, who is sometimes accused of being a bit tightly-wound. The West Virginia Surf Report! is my creative outlet, and insurance policy against completely losing my shit. I hope you'll stick around and participate in the lively community of geniuses and curmudgeons who hang out here every day. I love a full 87% of them! And while you're at it, please follow me at Twitter and Facebook.

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