My Favorite Mockable: 8 Reasons Hall & Oates Are Better Than Chronic Respiratory Disease

  • The 1980 hit single “Kiss on My List” will often make a person tap their foot and hum along, while tuberculosis can cause a person to expel great quantities of blood and mucus.
  • Hall & Oates have sold over 60 million albums worldwide, and mesothelioma can lead to a build-up of fluid between the lung and chest wall.
  • The phrase “Transbronchial Lung Biopsy (No Can Do)” doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.
  • “Sara Smile” was Hall & Oates’ first top-ten hit, and was written about Daryl Hall’s then-girlfriend, Sara Allen.  Conversely, emphysema killed Dick York.
  • “One on One” includes several mixed-references to basketball and romance, and is often used in TV commercials for the NBA.  “Black Lung,” on the other hand, is caused by extended exposure to coal dust, and has never been widely embraced by the professional sports community.
  • Cystic Fibrosis is known as CF, which is fairly unimaginative.  But Hall & Oates had an album called H2O, and that’s kinda cool, when you stop and think about it.
  • Hall & Oates’ music is frequently described as “blue-eyed soul,” while a case of pneumonia will cause a person to hock up a load of “green-ass shit.”
  • Lung cancer is the most deadly of all cancers.  Once “Maneater” gets in your head, it’s impossible to shake, as well.  However, the music of Hall & Oates rarely, if ever, leads to hospice care.

I don’t usually recycle so blatantly, but I didn’t have anything prepared today, and am running out of time again.  I wrote the above in 2009, for Mockable, a site that metten and I created, and he still maintains.  Please check it out.  Our old pal lakrfool contributes, as well.

As for a Question… why not tell us about some of the funny and/or interesting things you’ve seen on the internet this week.  Have you discovered anything remarkable?  Please share, in the comments.

And I’ll write a real (new) update next time.  Maybe tomorrow.

Have a great day.

Now playing in the bunker

Follow the Surf Report at Facebook!

Comments

  1. Vicki says

    My husband and I, along with his then girlfriend (before we were a couple–the girlfriend was my roommate at the time) went to see Hall & Oates at the Fox. I believe he counts it as one of the worst experiences of his life. This was probably about 1985–at the height of their poplularity, I would assume. I’m sure I went along for reasons other than the music.

    • t-storm says

      About a year ago I bought Badass the book. Pretty Awesome. Benjamin Netanyahu’s brother was quite the badass. A real life Rambo.

      Also got a people’s history of the united states
      and How the States got their Shapes.

  2. says

    I have Hall and Oates Greatest Hits playing in the rotation at my chiropractic clinic, and now my 18 year old front desk loves them.

    The Oatmeal is hilarious. You should really click that link up there and get lost in the site for a few minutes.

    • johnthebasket says

      Just act normal, Chuck. I think you’re getting too close to something hot with this scopin’ theory. Too close to above top secret. Too fuckin’ close.

      jtb

    • kristin says

      When you first posted it, I did it three or four times in a row. Super trippy…

    • Vicki says

      My head aches a little and my left eye is still twitchy. Have I permanently damaged myself? Will I have flashbacks? OH NO! i knew that all that stuff PSA ads said about psychedelics was true.

      • johnthebasket says

        Vicki…

        You will have flashbacks for a short while, but you’ll need to keep coming back to that site or the Fugs site (thefugs.com) or Fox News for them to continue. You think flashbacks are self-perpetuating? Hey, you gotta pay to play. I’ve been nursing mine since the late ’60s.

        Peace,

        jtb

        • johnthebasket says

          I might just add that you don’t really get flashbacks from scrambled eggs as the PSAs imply. False advertising.

          jtb

    • johnthebasket says

      My God, the man has already shrunk to the state of being a “craze”. Pretty soon he won’t even cast a shadow.

      jtb

  3. Lee Harvey Ramone says

    I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: I’m still angry at Yoko Ono for breaking up Hall and Oates.

  4. rob says

    “Adult Education” always takes me back to my freshman year of college. That song would be wafting out of dorm rooms, open car windows, “boom boxes”, etc. Ahh, the 80’s. Life was less complicated in those days.

  5. madz1962 says

    Thanks yo guys – you’ve given me a treasure trove of shit to look at during my long work day. I don’t look at this one too often but I’ll throw it out there.

    http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/

    I apologize in advance if I’ve ruined anyone’s sexual fantasies.

  6. -- Steve says

    By far, the best of the web so far this week is a comment I’d read that included both “lick your balls from behind” and “he’d be eating through a straw and sleeping with one eye open wearing a pie pan. Holy fuck!” (I love this place!)

    and By far, the worst was some WalMart-bred, pony-tailed mullet-wearing hick going on about his opinions that nobody gave a single horseshoe shaped shitlet about.

    Worst, except anything related to Lady Gaga and Target (or Lady Gaga and anything)

    • chill says

      I’ve been an Onion fan since way back. That and suck.com were my daily reads.

      I was going to post a link to a funny thing at theonion.com, but there is no search function on the site. And it seems that the fake “historical” Onions are gone too, so it’s probably vanished anyway. The link I wanted to post was the July 21, 1969 edition of The Onion. It had the headline HOLY SHIT – MAN WALKS ON FUCKING MOON. It was good, so I wanted to share.

      Wait, google found it, sort of: http://store.theonion.com/product/holy-shit-man-walks-on-fucking-moon-1969,158/ Holy shit, I can’t fucking believe they’re fucking selling this shit without fucking letting you look at it first. Wait, yes I can.
      .

    • Dave's not here, man says

      The auto translators in heavy use today make for lots of fun. Interesting fact: the chinese character for “dry” can also be read to have a vulgar meaning. It’s often mistranslated as ‘fuck”, and appears on many menus. And add to this the translation of rooster (common name for all manners of chickens) to “cock” and hilarity ensues!

      But I don’t know how htey came up with the name for a bar called “Club Snatch”. Interesting.

    • madz1962 says

      That’s almost as bad as reaching knuckle deep up both nostrils. And then, taking the time to examine whatever they cultivated.