My Favorite Mockable: 8 Reasons Hall & Oates Are Better Than Chronic Respiratory Disease

  • The 1980 hit single “Kiss on My List” will often make a person tap their foot and hum along, while tuberculosis can cause a person to expel great quantities of blood and mucus.
  • Hall & Oates have sold over 60 million albums worldwide, and mesothelioma can lead to a build-up of fluid between the lung and chest wall.
  • The phrase “Transbronchial Lung Biopsy (No Can Do)” doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.
  • “Sara Smile” was Hall & Oates’ first top-ten hit, and was written about Daryl Hall’s then-girlfriend, Sara Allen.  Conversely, emphysema killed Dick York.
  • “One on One” includes several mixed-references to basketball and romance, and is often used in TV commercials for the NBA.  “Black Lung,” on the other hand, is caused by extended exposure to coal dust, and has never been widely embraced by the professional sports community.
  • Cystic Fibrosis is known as CF, which is fairly unimaginative.  But Hall & Oates had an album called H2O, and that’s kinda cool, when you stop and think about it.
  • Hall & Oates’ music is frequently described as “blue-eyed soul,” while a case of pneumonia will cause a person to hock up a load of “green-ass shit.”
  • Lung cancer is the most deadly of all cancers.  Once “Maneater” gets in your head, it’s impossible to shake, as well.  However, the music of Hall & Oates rarely, if ever, leads to hospice care.

I don’t usually recycle so blatantly, but I didn’t have anything prepared today, and am running out of time again.  I wrote the above in 2009, for Mockable, a site that metten and I created, and he still maintains.  Please check it out.  Our old pal lakrfool contributes, as well.

As for a Question… why not tell us about some of the funny and/or interesting things you’ve seen on the internet this week.  Have you discovered anything remarkable?  Please share, in the comments.

And I’ll write a real (new) update next time.  Maybe tomorrow.

Have a great day.

Now playing in the bunker

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55 Responses to “My Favorite Mockable: 8 Reasons Hall & Oates Are Better Than Chronic Respiratory Disease”

  1. 1st.

    [Reply]

  2. Is the Charlie Sheen thing old yet? Because I’m still finding it pretty entertaining.

    Also, there was this nugget of truth:
    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/sriracha

    [Reply]

    Uncle_Wedgie Reply:

    I wonder how much it would cost to rent him out for a party.

    [Reply]

    kristin Reply:

    He’d be cheap, but the insurance premium would be through the roof.

    [Reply]

  3. Hahahaha!

    [Reply]

  4. My husband and I, along with his then girlfriend (before we were a couple–the girlfriend was my roommate at the time) went to see Hall & Oates at the Fox. I believe he counts it as one of the worst experiences of his life. This was probably about 1985–at the height of their poplularity, I would assume. I’m sure I went along for reasons other than the music.

    [Reply]

    CADude Reply:

    A threesome?

    [Reply]

    johnthebasket Reply:

    I don’t know, Dude. It’s actually five counting Hall and Oates.

    jtb

    [Reply]

    CADude Reply:

    That, Mr. B, is a scary thought.

    [Reply]

  5. i discovered badassoftheweek.com and now must read years worth of archives.

    Just like I did when I found Thewvsr.com

    [Reply]

    t-storm Reply:

    About a year ago I bought Badass the book. Pretty Awesome. Benjamin Netanyahu’s brother was quite the badass. A real life Rambo.

    Also got a people’s history of the united states
    and How the States got their Shapes.

    [Reply]

  6. I have Hall and Oates Greatest Hits playing in the rotation at my chiropractic clinic, and now my 18 year old front desk loves them.

    The Oatmeal is hilarious. You should really click that link up there and get lost in the site for a few minutes.

    [Reply]

    Tyrosine Reply:

    Agreed, The Oatmeal is awesome.

    I must however strongly oppose your Hall and Oats policy.

    [Reply]

  7. I discovered this story which somehow reminds me of Hall and Oates.

    http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/03/09/penis.spines.genes/index.html?hpt=T2

    jtb

    [Reply]

  8. This has to be the most bizzare story of the week. Obviously an alien abduction gone bad.

    http://www.dailytribune.com/articles/2011/03/08/news/doc4d769c33f30ad332537021.txt

    [Reply]

    Chuck in Belpre Reply:

    They need to check for a scopin’.

    [Reply]

  9. For all your conspiracy theory needs:

    http://www.abovetopsecret.com/

    For all your winter tire needs:

    http://www.tirerack.com/

    (Sorry…it was too easy)

    [Reply]

  10. Why am I awaiting moderation?

    [Reply]

    johnthebasket Reply:

    Just act normal, Chuck. I think you’re getting too close to something hot with this scopin’ theory. Too close to above top secret. Too fuckin’ close.

    jtb

    [Reply]

  11. I posted this once:

    http://www.neave.com/strobe/

    Click “Get Trippy” Look at center for 30 seconds then look at your hand.

    Nothing else new and exciting

    [Reply]

    Bill in WV Reply:

    Look at my hand? Will I need a warshcloth afterwards?

    [Reply]

    kristin Reply:

    When you first posted it, I did it three or four times in a row. Super trippy…

    [Reply]

    Vicki Reply:

    My head aches a little and my left eye is still twitchy. Have I permanently damaged myself? Will I have flashbacks? OH NO! i knew that all that stuff PSA ads said about psychedelics was true.

    [Reply]

    johnthebasket Reply:

    Vicki…

    You will have flashbacks for a short while, but you’ll need to keep coming back to that site or the Fugs site (thefugs.com) or Fox News for them to continue. You think flashbacks are self-perpetuating? Hey, you gotta pay to play. I’ve been nursing mine since the late ’60s.

    Peace,

    jtb

    [Reply]

    johnthebasket Reply:

    I might just add that you don’t really get flashbacks from scrambled eggs as the PSAs imply. False advertising.

    jtb

    [Reply]

  12. For all your conspiracy theory needs:
    http://www.abovetopsecret.com/

    For all your Winter tire needs:
    (Sorry…it was way too easy)
    http://www.tirerack.com/

    [Reply]

  13. For all your conspiracy theory needs:
    http://www.abovetopsecret.com/

    [Reply]

    Chuck in Belpre Reply:

    Aha!!! I figured it out.

    [Reply]

    johnthebasket Reply:

    Chuck…

    I assume you understand that the universe was punishing you for that tire shit. (add smiley face pic here)

    jtb

    [Reply]

    Chuck in Belpre Reply:

    I know. But I figured Jeff would know it was just good-natured tweaking. That whole thing made zero sense.

    [Reply]

  14. For those of you still enjoying the Charlie Sheen craze:

    http://livethesheendream.com/

    For those of you who think Lionel Richie’s hair is amazing:

    http://www.imbecile.me/pic/lionel-richie-%E2%80%93-hello-is-it-me-youre-looking-for-sign/

    Those of you who love auto correct mishaps:

    http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com

    And for those of you who love epic fails:

    http://failblog.org

    [Reply]

    johnthebasket Reply:

    My God, the man has already shrunk to the state of being a “craze”. Pretty soon he won’t even cast a shadow.

    jtb

    [Reply]

  15. I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: I’m still angry at Yoko Ono for breaking up Hall and Oates.

    [Reply]

    t-storm Reply:

    I’m still mad John Wilkes Booth killed Anwar Sadat.

    [Reply]

    johnthebasket Reply:

    What the fuck. Hall and Oates broke up? Why didn’t someone inform me?

    jtb

    [Reply]

    Chuck in Belpre Reply:

    Yeah I really enjoyed Oates’ performance in In the Heat of the Night Oh…wait.

    [Reply]

  16. Yoko Ono is a peice of shit.

    [Reply]

  17. “Adult Education” always takes me back to my freshman year of college. That song would be wafting out of dorm rooms, open car windows, “boom boxes”, etc. Ahh, the 80′s. Life was less complicated in those days.

    [Reply]

  18. Angry man throws dog’s shit at its owner
    http://tv.gawker.com/#!5779870

    celebrity dinosaurs
    http://celebritydinosaurs.tumblr.com/

    Drunk Priest’s Jailhouse Rant (3x the legal limit)
    http://guyism.com/humor/video-drunk-priests-jailhouse-rant-is-hilarious.html

    That bitch Yoko Ono was right in the middle of the Milli Vanilli meltdown too. She has no shame.

    [Reply]

  19. I love the Oatmeal. I also like:

    http://www.midgetmanofsteel.com. Pretty funny shit.

    But the Surf Report is the only one I read and keep up with on a daily basis. I fit right in this wack-pack.

    [Reply]

  20. I also highly recommend Ms. Allie Brosh:
    http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

    [Reply]

  21. Thanks yo guys – you’ve given me a treasure trove of shit to look at during my long work day. I don’t look at this one too often but I’ll throw it out there.

    http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/

    I apologize in advance if I’ve ruined anyone’s sexual fantasies.

    [Reply]

    T. Farty McAppleass Reply:

    Those huge lips always look terrible, yet most of them get their lips done. Looks like someone hit them in the mouth with a 2×4

    [Reply]

  22. By far, the best of the web so far this week is a comment I’d read that included both “lick your balls from behind” and “he’d be eating through a straw and sleeping with one eye open wearing a pie pan. Holy fuck!” (I love this place!)

    and By far, the worst was some WalMart-bred, pony-tailed mullet-wearing hick going on about his opinions that nobody gave a single horseshoe shaped shitlet about.

    Worst, except anything related to Lady Gaga and Target (or Lady Gaga and anything)

    [Reply]

    Brittney Reply:

    Lady Gaga is also a peice of shit. Isn’t she the fuck that bought John Lennon’s white piano from Yoko Ono? Tha pissed me off. Lady Gaga doesn’t deserve to be near anything that belonged to him because she is a worthless peice of fuck.

    [Reply]

    chill Reply:

    “Piece of fuck”? That instantly reminded me of one of my favorite short films, “Lupo the Butcher”. Like so much else, it’s on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOMUw2QOkLE

    Sanamabeetch!
    .

    [Reply]

    lori in cbus Reply:

    I agree !! a total fuckstick

    [Reply]

    Dave's not here, man Reply:

    hehe, reminds me of Clerks!

    Did he say “Making Fuck”?

    [Reply]

  23. As far as in the last week and not an on going place aside from your place as a daily jones…(what the fuck did I just say/)….I only visitt he Onion.

    I follow/ love baseball and I liked this. http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/derek-jeter-rejects-move-to-outfield-by-reminding,19407/

    Anybody got a line on farting midgets telling dick jokes? I might be in on that one.

    [Reply]

    chill Reply:

    I’ve been an Onion fan since way back. That and suck.com were my daily reads.

    I was going to post a link to a funny thing at theonion.com, but there is no search function on the site. And it seems that the fake “historical” Onions are gone too, so it’s probably vanished anyway. The link I wanted to post was the July 21, 1969 edition of The Onion. It had the headline HOLY SHIT – MAN WALKS ON FUCKING MOON. It was good, so I wanted to share.

    Wait, google found it, sort of: http://store.theonion.com/product/holy-shit-man-walks-on-fucking-moon-1969,158/ Holy shit, I can’t fucking believe they’re fucking selling this shit without fucking letting you look at it first. Wait, yes I can.
    .

    [Reply]

  24. This is cool:

    http://photoblog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/03/09/6231373-color-stereo-photographs-of-san-francisco-after-06-quake-found

    [Reply]

  25. Here’s one of my favorites:

    http://www.engrish.com/

    They have an 18+ page worth checking out, too!

    [Reply]

    Dave's not here, man Reply:

    The auto translators in heavy use today make for lots of fun. Interesting fact: the chinese character for “dry” can also be read to have a vulgar meaning. It’s often mistranslated as ‘fuck”, and appears on many menus. And add to this the translation of rooster (common name for all manners of chickens) to “cock” and hilarity ensues!

    But I don’t know how htey came up with the name for a bar called “Club Snatch”. Interesting.

    [Reply]

  26. I just saw a guy I work with reach knuckle deep into his ass crack.
    That bothers me.

    [Reply]

    madz1962 Reply:

    That’s almost as bad as reaching knuckle deep up both nostrils. And then, taking the time to examine whatever they cultivated.

    [Reply]

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Thanks for stopping by! My name is Jeff Kay, I was born while JFK was president, and it's all very embarrassing and corny. Today I'm a suburban husband and father, who is sometimes accused of being a bit tightly-wound. The West Virginia Surf Report! is my creative outlet, and insurance policy against completely losing my shit. I hope you'll stick around and participate in the lively community of geniuses and curmudgeons who hang out here every day. I love a full 87% of them! And while you're at it, please follow me at Twitter and Facebook.

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