| Clean
Living in
the Great Midwest
So I’m watching football and a commercial comes on featuring a naked old guy in a bathtub planted in the middle of some field. Oh yeah, I’m Metten by the way. Jeff said I could hang out once a week or so. Anyway, there’s an empty tub sitting next to the guy. Then, a voice-over talks about the positive effects of this product on your reproductive organs. Then an attractive older woman appears in the tub next to him. The commercial seems to infer that if you take their prescription drug, your tub (metaphorical or otherwise) shall runneth over with retired models. Where do we go from here? It’s my first day and I want to make a good impression. Do I grab the obvious and run with it? I have set the stage for a myriad of dick jokes. Is it right for the WVSR demographic? Probably not yet – I’m the new guy and it’s too early to be crass. Besides, I’m tiptoeing the cliché line by discussing erectile dysfunction commercials anyway. Perhaps I should go the observational route. For example, when was the last time you were looking for some intimate time and you suggested to your partner, “I know, let’s drag our matching claw-foot bathtubs out into that field across town and hold hands”? Even if somebody set it all up for me, I’d be able to sit there for about fourteen minutes until the water got cold. Maybe you think that at some point one would cross over into the other’s tub and allow things to get romantic. I own a claw foot tub – that sort of thing is difficult to impossible and not especially enjoyable. Hmm…me in the bathtub…perhaps observational is not the direction we want to go. Political? I get so pissed off when my wife leaves the television on the network evening news and they do a story about the high cost of prescription drugs, only to go to commercial to find out that the entire program has been underwritten by pharmaceutical companies. That’s why they have prescriptions folks! The decision about which drug works best for which patient needs to be left to medical doctors! Do you think some naked guy in a tub in the middle of nowhere has the sense to decide which crank medicine will give him the greatest benefit with the least risk? Not a chance, only four years of med school followed by a lengthy sleepless residency will give a human being the necessary flaccidity to make that kind of important decision. There is no place for these ads on television. Nope, political is no good. Even I’m bored. I guess if I’m going to enjoy any longevity here, I have to just write it as I see it. The thing that made this commercial stick out in my little brain and the reason I’m still blabbing about it now is the sheer societal hypocrisy of the whole thing. I remember reading a news release about the super bowl commercial that “raised the stakes” (even their press releases are full of innuendo) by actually saying what the drug does when ingested. So you’re saying that you can show an apparently naked man sitting next to an apparently naked woman, who gives her hand a squeeze while shooting her a knowing look that says, “As soon as this crank medicine kicks in, I’m going to make you walk bowlegged”, and you can’t say something to the effect of, “Provides temporary relief to individuals who suffer from erectile dysfunction”? What gives? The best part of the whole situation is the music. I wish could have been there when the director called the person in charge of the score – Charlene for our purposes,
Fourteen and one-half minutes later, Charlene had all the inspiration she need to write the insipid piece of crap. Even with naked people in bathtubs touching and staring at each other – the music is the least subtle piece of the pie. So what’s the score here anyway? Something struck me as odd and I told you why, that’s all. No call for action or request for services. I guess you could go to your doctor’s office and demand that she stop writing scripts for companies that abandon middle-aged people in a tub, but I doubt that will do any good. Screw it; let’s just forget the whole thing - I’m just glad to be here. Much thanks to all for the opportunity and I hope to talk to you all next week. Love, JRM Comments to www.metten0@lycos.com |
